"Please?" David asks. The two Melindas in my head fight over what to say as we continue walking. It's just pizza. That's what he says, anyways. His parents will be there. How do you know that? Stop being so paranoid. Paranoid keeps us safe. We're going to turn into one of those old ladies with a thousand cats who calls the cops when kids cut through her backyard.

"Mel?" I realize that I've been silent for a while now.

"Sure," I stammer before I even know what I'm saying. David grins.

"The others will probably get there a few minutes after we do. Danny said maybe, and Emma said for sure, Jon said he was busy… sorry, I'm kind of babbling." Like I have anything to fill the silence with. "I'm just really excited. I don't have a lot of people over at my house very often."

Oh boy.

David's house is cozy. It's the one word that comes to mind when I step over the threshold and he shows me where to kick my shoes off. The phone starts ringing, and he goes to answer it. I take off my coat.

There's something odd about walking over carpet at someone else's house in your socks. It's kind of comforting. I like the carpet at David's house.

When he comes back he looks sort of downcast. "Um… Emma cancelled. She said she's busy after all. But that okay, there's still-"

The phone rings again. He gives an apologetic smile and goes to answer it. I wait for him there, wondering why I can't hear anyone else. As soon as I hear him hang up, I ask David, "Where are your parents?"

He shifts uncomfortably. I get a sinking feeling. He looks guilty. Was he lying? He hands me a folded up note. "They…" he sighs. "Left. Ten minutes ago. They promised they'd be here, but they don't hold up promises very well."

The note is written in such loopy cursive it makes my head hurt. David notices the way I'm squinting, and shrugs. "That's my mom's handwriting."

I hand it back to him. He nervously rubs the back of his neck. "If you… don't want to hang out anymore, I'll walk you home. The turnout… it's just you and me."

For a second, one of the Melindas starts screaming about how he lied and it was probably his plan all along, but David looked so downcast, she quieted. He wouldn't do a thing like that, would he?

And he hadn't tried anything yet.

That doesn't mean he won't later.

Shut up. We can't hurt his feelings by leaving.

Who cares about his feelings?

He also promised pizza.

As if he read my mind, David shrugs and says, "There's still the ten dollars for pizza, if you'd like." He has that look on his face again. The anxious smile.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaviiiiiiiiid!" Someone calls from the top of the stairs. I look up and see a young girl, lots of barrettes in her hair and wearing round glasses. She scowls down at us. "You're four minutes late."

"Well, I'm sorry," David answers back, and I can hear him biting back a sassy response.

"Is she it? Or is anyone else coming?"

"Mel's the only one," David admits.

"I'm sorry you have to hang out with my brother by yourself," David's sister says. "When the pizza comes, I want a piece, and then I'll leave you and your crush alone to do whatever it is you have planned." She adds a little eyebrow waggle that makes me nervous. David has turned red.

"Dani, I swear…" He starts up the stairs towards her and she runs off to her room, giggling madly. "I am so sorry about her," David tries to pretend like nothing happened, but he can't stop blushing. "Um- what kind? Of pizza, I mean? You can choose."

"Pepperoni and mushrooms?" The second sentence I've spoken since stepping foot into here. I'm going to break a record. He tells me to make myself at home, and goes back to the kitchen to make the phone call.

I let David answer the door when the delivery guy arrives. Dani is downstairs in a flash to steal a slice, and tease her brother some more. David is as uncomfortable with it as I am, and Dani derives sadistic pleasure from it. We both breathe a sigh of relief when she leaves for her room.

Some girls are self conscious about the way they eat in front of boys, but I could honestly care less. I'm inhaling it like I normally do. David gets up to go to the kitchen again, and I lean back into the couch. Food makes everything more comfortable. If I close my eyes, I could actually be in my house instead.

"Do you like Pepsi?"

I open my eyes and sit straighter. I nod. David hands me one. It opens with a satisfying crack of aluminum. We surf channels until we find something good. It's a Disney movie I haven't watched in forever.

I can't really concentrate on it though. My mind keeps wandering to August, beer and seniors and music. I chew on my bottom lip. Everytime I look over at David, in his blue sweater, dorky braces, friendly smile, I keep comparing him to the people from the party, thinthinthin, big lips, big earrings, white smiles, trying to find any similarities. It's dim in the living room. It was dark in the woods.

At some point in time, after we've both finished eating and have been sitting together in silence, David's arm ends up across the back of the couch. Around me. He's closer now. If I turn my head a little to the side, I can smell him. It's a little citrusy. A little smoky. Someone was burning leaves outside while we were walking. The scent stuck to him. It reminds me of autumn. I remember IT. Cologne and beer. My stomach turns over.

"David?" His name escapes in a sort of question.

"Yeah, Mel?" He turns towards me, a shy smile on his face. The words get stuck in my throat, and I can't tell him. I can't tell him anything. I'm just looking into his eyes, which are brown flecked with gold. I've never noticed that before.

"What is it?" he asks again. His head is tipped towards mine. There are small, almost unnoticeable freckles dotting his nose and cheeks. I don't know what to say.

I laid my cheek on his chest. He wrapped one arm around my back. His other hand slid down to my butt. I thought that was a little rude, but my tongue was thick with beer and I couldn't figure out how to tell him to slow down.

David's fingers brush a few strands of hair behind my ear.

He kissed me, man kiss, hard sweet and deep. Nearly knocked me off my feet, that kiss.

David's lips meet mine and his eyes close. It's warm and soft. My head is spinning. His hand cups the side of my face ever so gently.

We were on the ground. When did that happen? "No." No I did not like this. I was on the ground and he was on top of me. My lips mumble something about leaving, about a friend who needs me, about my parents worrying. I can hear myself—I'm mumbling like a deranged drunk. His lips lock on mine and I can't say anything. I twist my head away. He is so heavy. There is a boulder on me.

David kisses me again. He runs his thumb slowly across my cheekbone. There's warmth spreading in my chest, but at the same time, a fist is crushing my lungs. I can't think, I'm afraid to even breathe.

I open my mouth to breathe, to scream, and his hand covers it. In my head, my voice is as clear as a bell: "NO I DON'T WANT TO!" But I can't spit it out. I'm trying to remember how we got on the ground and where the moon went and wham! shirt up, shorts down, and the ground smells wet and dark and NO!—I'm not really here, I'm definitely back at Rachel's, crimping my hair and gluing on fake nails, and he smells like beer and mean and he hurts me hurts me hurts me-

My hand is planted on David's chest and I push him backwards. Our lips come apart and he lowers his hand. I can feel his heartbeat under my hand. His heart is beating fast, in sync with mine. I scoot backwards. David's expression changes.

"Mel?"

"Stop." My voice is hoarse. My heart is in my throat, and it stops me from getting another word out.

A scream—the cops were coming! Blue and cherry lights flashing in the kitchen-sink window. Rachel's face—so angry—in mine. Someone slapped me. I crawled out of the room through a forest of legs.

Tears are pooling in my eyes. David's expression turns worried. "Mel, I-"

I shake my head. He reaches for my hand, the one still resting on his chest, but I pull out of his grasp. "Mel, I'm sorry, did I- do something wrong?" He looked so guilty.

He gets up

and zips his jeans

and smiles.

I get up, leaving behind a stunned David, and leave to put on my shoes. My hands are shaking "Wait- Mel, what's wrong? I'm sorry, you don't have to leave yet."

I bite down on my bottom lip to keep it from trembling. I'm trying to pull on my jacket, but I'm shaking too badly. David reaches out to help. I take a step back. Frustrated, I ball up my jacket and hug it to my chest. Reaching for the doorknob…

David's hand is on my shoulder. "Hey, I can walk back with you if you want me to. It's dark out." I try taking a few deep breaths, but all that does is make me start crying. Now David's eyes are watering.

"Mel, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

I bury my face in my jacket. "I'm fine," I mutter. "I'll go alone."

Out the door, into the dark. Down the street. Back home. The moon is huge, bigger than it was in August, when everything went down.

Rachel got us to the end-of-summer party, a cheerleader party, with beer and seniors and music. She blackmailed her brother, Jimmy, to drive us. We were all sleeping over at Rachel's house. Her mother thought Jimmy was taking us roller skating. It was at a farm a couple of miles from our development. The kegs were in the barn where the speakers were set up. Most people hung at the edge of the lights. They looked like models in a blue-jeans ad. I felt like such a little kid.

I haven't felt the same. I'll never be the same.

I know David isn't a predator like that. At least, I think he isn't. Am I sure that he wouldn't push it further since his parents weren't home? His sister was right upstairs though.

He was my only friend. Now what does he think of me? He didn't even know what he was apologizing for. He'll think I'm weird like everyone else does. Would he tell anyone else about this? I chew on my lip, worrying, all the way home. It starts bleeding. I start crying again.

When I get home, I curl up in bed. David and Andy and August's party and school on Monday are running around in circles in my head. Melinda one and two are fighting again. The bunnies tell me I'm better off without David. I don't need him, he wouldn't understand. I try to ignore them all and cry myself to sleep.