I know it's unusual to change a single chapter from 3rd person to 1st person, but I find that I am able to put greater detail into the thought processes of the characters. I may do the same to another chapter a little further down the line for Marceline. Please enjoy!


Friday, April 20th:

Isn't it strange how love coats your mind in a euphoric film? How easily your emotions sway depending on the presence of a sole lifeform? How the existence of such a being can change your outlook on the entirety of your life?

I remember when there was a point in time when I avoided my own dorm room to circumvent a certain ebony-haired beauty. I couldn't stand how she never backed down or left-as if she were marking her claim on our shared space. Even if she were unhappy with my company, my name was on the lease, so there really wasn't much she could do about my presence to lack-there-of. She'd glare at me in any given opportunity. She'd make a snide comment at any action. She'd make my heart burst at a glance and my head spin with a smirk. Then she'd glare again.

It's weird to think back at that time, to think I couldn't battle my emotions or decipher how I felt toward her in any given moment. I've heard-or rather read-somewhere that love and hate are a mutual feeling and as equally as strong of an emotion, so some often mistake love as hate and vice versa.

It's possible there was never a point that I hated her, even if I wanted to believe that I did.

I wonder when we're able to make such a distinction between the two. What moments pull this categorization out of us? When did I realize that I loved her within my hateful mindset? When did she?

I can't say I ponder theories of the mind as much as I do for scientific theories. The mind is seemingly much more complicated. Science can be physically tested, unlike psychology, which can only be situationally tested. Even then, there are those who can and will argue that there's something in your empirical evidence that led to certain reactions. How much internal and external causation is there? Can theories of the mind even be tested at all?

Maybe not.

All I know is that the feelings I hold for Marceline could never be categorized as hate. Simply put: there's too much I admire; too much I love. Under her teasing tone was a warmth that comforted me more than anything theoretically should-like being inches away from the sun. Her touch was electrifying and impossibly gentle at the same time. The feeling of love never made sense.

As she sat at the edge of the bed, pulling tight fit combat boots onto her feet, I couldn't stop myself from reaching out, tugging on her t shirt sleeve, and begging for her to stay with me. If only for a moment more.

She chuckled lowly as she turned to face me. Her hair was in a tangled mess. She had never been one to care whether the public eye saw hee in an unkempt fashion. Though I admit I thought she looked just as beautiful. "You're the one who asked me to pick up coffee. I'll only be gone a few minutes." Her voice was raspy from her lack of coffee, warmer than what I usually heard.

"A few minutes is too long for you to be gone." I insisted.

"Do you want to come with me then?"

"Mhm." I hummed, looping my arm with hers, dragging her back into bed. She gave a heartier laugh this time and gave in to my whims, laying beside me.

"You're a mess." A kiss pressed gently on my forehead, she mimicked my hum. "What would I do without you?" She added.

"Have you always loved me?"

"I ever hated you if that's what you mean." I gave a nod.

Maybe the categorization of love vs hate depends on the perspective of the holder. Perhaps love and hate are exchangeable depending on how you want to be treated. There are many who stay in relationships under the label of love, even when they're being hurt mentally or physically. Perhaps it is the motive of reliance. Does the holder want to be relied upon? Or is it that the holder may think they're undeserving of love?

It reminds me of Marceline's relationship with Ash. She stayed knowing that there would be more hurt in the future under the pretense of a possible change. But in the hurt, did she love or hate him?

When she teased me, did I love or hate her? That question was seemingly obvious now. I had always loved her.

Marceline's lips pursed. "Seems stupid when I think back on it." She admitted, stroking my cheek with her thumb. How different was our relationship now, where she would allow me the pleasure of looking into her russet eyes like I was in this moment.

What if Ash made her feel undeserving of love? What had he said about her eyes? Did he downgrade her for it? Did he make her feel helpless?

Do I make her feel deserving of love?

"I liked your eyes."

She looked taken aback by my comment. By the look she began to slowly piece together, she looked like she was doubting my words. My hand rested on her hip, my fingers wrapping themselves around the belt loop on her jeans.

"I still like your eyes. They're remarkable." I remember the words I had first said to her were similar.

To my surprise, she thanked me and left a soft kiss on my lips. I didn't allow her to part for a while after that.


Biting the end of my pencil, I frowned at the horrid incomprehensible scribbles in my notebook. Or at least, that's what it looked like. No matter how hard I tried, I would be unable to write legible notes for the time being. Unfortunately for me, the cast blocked any attempt at typing as well.

This would prove to be quite the annoyance.

I had thought that even with the cast I would be able to outsmart it; be able to do what I could before. Even after this failed attempt, I knew I would somehow find a way to write and/or type regardless of this restriction; regardless of my many previous failed attempts.

Over the years I had discovered my learning style was through reading and writing. I was almost unable to concentrate or file anything into my longterm memory unless I read it or wrote it down. So this casting would be more than a minor inconvenience than what I once thought. What if my grades began falling short because of this incident?

What a stupid thought. I would never let that happen.

I began my incomprehensible scribbling again, this time with my left hand. Somehow it looked worse than writing with the cast.

The library was quiet. As it always was. Though, there was less chattering as the night bloomed outside. Even from where I was sitting, I could see just how bright the moonlight was through the window.

Rain had volunteered to walk me home after she was done with her research, even though it was a little unnecessary. I was adjusting fine to my medication and there was a slim chance of being jumped again-especially with Ash being behind bars without bail.

"Do you need help?" A familiar voice whispered from behind me.

It wasn't as if I didn't know this would happen. We went to the same school. We had often searched for and studied in the library together not even a few months back we had shared an intimate workspace.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Hey, Braco." I mustered up as genuine of a smile as I could. "It's good to see you."

The creases of his mouth formed into a delicate smile. His hands fidgeted at his side. He must have been nervous and or excited to see me. Both? We were no longer working together in the research lab. I was partnered with a grad student closer to my age. With my new lap partner I never had to worry about being hit on and never had to worry about an unprepared project. It just worked out for the better.

"Likewise-Oh...your arm." He gestured to it, as if I wasn't already painfully aware of its existence.

"It's a long story." I attempted to laugh it off, but wasn't sure how convincing it was.

He awkwardly stood over me as I sat at the library table. To me, it looked as if he were begging for an invitation to sit and chat. And although I wouldn't have minded, after seeing him react the way he did on New Years I couldn't help but feel guilty at the thought of becoming anything close to friends again. I was afraid doing so would feed into his hopes of becoming something more-even if that meant playing the waiting game.

The thought of that left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

Yet I couldn't stop him from sitting down anyways. "I don't have anywhere to be." He suggested.

I found myself standing at his action, jerking the uncomfortably stiff library chair back with a skrrt. "I uh...I don't think we should..."

His eyes darted away, hurt. "Right, I'm sorry."

"No, I just-"

"Bonnibel, you don't have to explain yourself. I get it." I could almost feel the tension in my body be released at his comment. "You're still with Marceline, right?"

"I am."

He gave a nod and took the opportunity to stand and scoot his chair back into its place underneath the table. "I'll see you around." He waved a hand but didn't try to flatter me with a smile. Though, I couldn't say he didn't look content. It felt like maybe that was what he needed to hear to move on. In a way that filled me with content too.


It was dark out. Just as I had seen through the library window, the moon was bright. The sky, outside of a few whisps, was completely cloudless. You couldn't see many stars from here. Streetlamps illuminating the sidewalk blocked my sight. One of my biggest pet peeves: the existence of light pollution.

The thud of Marceline's leather combat boots and slaps of my pristinely white vans on the walkway wrang against the brick exterior of the strip. Most businesses down this road closed late, but even with a lot of people walking around and cars passing by, you could hear every footstep clearly. Sometimes you could walk past a storefront and hear jazz music coming from inside. Other times you could hear the clattering of silverware as you passed by a popular restaurant.

The wind was chillier than expected. Even with Marceline's black leather jacket draped over my shoulders, I could feel the wind cutting through it. The gesture was sweet, but I couldn't say the jacket provided much in terms of insulation.

At the very least, it felt homey. Plus, Marceline's hand felt warm.

I eyed my girlfriend, who looked lost in thought. Her ebony hair flowed behind her as she walked, strands of hair escaping the thick mass to blow into her face. She'd sputter out in an attempt to rid the strand from her mouth. You would think she would try sweeping it from her face with her hand, but Marceline wasn't the most graceful person around.

We were heading home from the library. Rain had been called into a sudden, yet urgent, sorority meeting, which neither of us was a part of anymore. All she could recall through Rain's annoyance was something about a boyfriend staying the night consecutively-which was against the dorm rules. It ended up working out in my favor though. Marceline had left work early. Although she claimed it was so she could have some extra practice time for her senior recital, I knew it was so she could walk home with me.

Marceline wasn't the best at expressing her feelings verbally, but it showed in her actions. Thankfully my love language isn't verbal confirmation. Her crass words and constant teasing would send most girls out the door by the first few words she spoke.

I saw Marceline's dark russet eyes flicker in my direction.

"What's on your mind?" I asked, head slightly quirked to the side.

Marceline bit her lip and scanned the clear sky in thought. The russet flames that burned behind her pupils crackled under the city skylight. With how well lit it was, I could even see a stroke of pink painted on her cheeks. "I was thinking we should go out tonight."

"I'd love to. Did you have something in mind for our impromptu date?"

"I would really like to go to Disney."

"It's a five hour drive and I doubt they would still be open by the time we got there."

"Then we could just go in the morning."

I bumped into her shoulder, playfully. "Don't you have to work in the morning?"

The thought of entertaining her idea, she began blossoming with excitement. "I could always call in if you really wanted to go."

"You don't want to be an unreliable worker. It would not look good on your future job application if you were fired." I was interrupted by Marceline snorting, unable to hold back a fit of laughter. "What's so funny?"

"Bon, I don't think I'll have to worry too much about not landing a job immediately." A second passed before I realized what she was referring to.

I tried not to think too much about the massive pile of money sitting and waiting for her graduation day to come, much less what the meant for her future. If she saved or invested wisely she would never have money troubles. Then again, by the graduation gift of a hellcat, she wasn't sure what Marceline planned on doing with it. "You would be bored without a job." It wasn't a good point. There would be plenty she could do.

"Unlikely. We'll just travel."

"We?"

"Well...yeah." She stopped walking and pulled me out of the way as others walked passed us. The color of her eyes showed themselves for a mere second as a car passed, the lights brushing onto her sharp features. "I know we both have grad school to consider, but we'll still have a few months to travel." Marceline thoughtfully caressed Bonnie's cheek with her free hand. "Then we'll find something to keep us busy in the summers. In the school seasons we won't have to work. We can focus on interning and studying and each other."

Instinctually, I leaned into her touch.

My immediate thought was, 'you think we'll be together that long?'. Not that I had any doubt about the future of our relationship, it was just logical to think, but saying so would most definitely hurt Marceline if said out loud. So instead I asked, "Even with our doctoratoral degree?"

"A majority of that is writing a thesis, right? We could travel and interview professionals from around the world. Even then, we won't have to work. We don't have to worry about debt or other financial issues."

The fact that she was thinking so far ahead had stunned me. It wasn't as if I had much experience with dating or relationships in general, but I felt like Marceline's words provided insight into how serious she was about our relationship. "Hey, what are you getting so embarrassed about?"

I attempted to hide my face with her hand. Not that it helped. I was sure she could feel my warmth.

"You just caught me off guard is all."

"Sorry, was I being too intense?"

I shook my head, holding onto her hand tighter. "Not at all. It's nice to hear your thoughts."

Her eyes smiled at me. "By the way, you look really nice." She said lowly, as another group of people passed by us on the sidewalk.

"Huh?" I looked down at what I was wearing: a blue overshirt over a plain white tee, skinny jeans, white vans, and her leather jacket. "'Cause I'm wearing your jacket?"

"Mm maybe." Marceline paused for a moment, thinking over why. "I don't know, Bon. You've always been cute. Like...ridiculously cute. Even with you wearing a lot of pink."

"Well, you're pretty cute yourself, dear. Even if you wear a lot of black." That earned a smirk from Marceline. "So, about our date..."

"Right," She remembered, pulling me along to continue our journey toward home. "Keila visited me at work and told me about a new bar arcade that opened up down the street."

"I wouldn't be able to drink, but I definitely wouldn't mind going."

"Good point." Marceline hummed. "Then we'll get gelato and go stargazing afterward?"

"You know a place we can stargaze?" I practically beamed, unable to hide my excitement. "I was just thinking that there was too much light pollution."

"I used to go near the mountains by Simon's house pretty often. It's a little bit of a drive, though."

"No more than 2 drinks while we're at the bar then."

"Whatever you say mom-ow!" Marceline began laughing as she avoided my quick jabs into her ribs.

The attack stopped momentarily allowing Marceline the opening to pull me close to her chest. "I love you, Bonnibel."

I wonder if I'll ever get sick of hearing those words. Will my heart always race like this? Will the warmth of her touch or the warmth in her voice always be as sweet? In this moment, it felt like there would never be another reality as blissful as this. There could never be another person who could make me feel at home like she does. Every intoxicating second I spent with Marceline was another millennium I wish I could have with her.

"After the stargazing..."

"Hm?"

I lifted myself up on my toes, kissed Marceline's cheek and settled my head on her shoulder. "After I'll...reward you for the stargazing." It felt odd saying it, and a tad embarrassing if I'm being honest. Even if she was the only one hearing it, it felt odd to say something so suggestive in a public setting.

Marceline sighed, running her fingers through the mixed strands of my blonde and pink hair. "I almost want to skip all of it now," She admitted.

"Stargazing first."

"Let's go then. I wanna play pinball."

"Mm," I hummed in agreement.

The night played out as planned. The arcade was more packed than expected-even for a Friday night, so our stay wasn't long. Gelato came after. Despite my small frame, I ended up eating a triple scoop's worth of gelato, earning myself a brain freeze in the process. Considering my state- neither of us would point out how we should have eaten a proper meal instead of stuffing ourselves with sugar and liquor.

Because of our short stay at the bar, Marceline was plenty sober by the time we began driving to where Simon lived, in Blackhawk.

The night stayed quiet after we exited the highway. He lived in a nice neighborhood outside of town and away from the traffic. It felt like night and day, even with him only living a few miles away from the bustling part of town.

"I forget Simon lives near the mountains."

"It's quieter here. More scenic."

She was right. The roads weren't nearly as busy. The structure of the current area reminded me of home. California didn't snow like it did in Ohio. The mountains looked more forgiving here. The closest thing we had to entertainment was watching sports at home and the King's Island amusement park. But if you hadn't noticed, I've never had much of a taste for sports or an extreme amount of adrenaline.

Thus the majority of my time was spent reading and every so often staying the night at a friends house.

"Let's play twenty questions." I offered.

"Man," Marceline replied, a hint of nostalgia in her voice. "I haven't played that game in who knows how long. Your idea, so you go first."

"Fair enough." I had always wanted to ask: "Why did you join the sorority?"

Marceline didn't look the type to join a sorority. The image of sorority life was often that of a snobby party girl with rich parents-or at least that's how they show it in the movies. Personally, I heard it looked good on undergrad transcripts. But Marceline always stood out as someone who couldn't give a rats ass about charity work or sorority family bonding-which was the reality of what a sorority house was really like.

It just didn't seem like something she would voluntarily choose to partake in.

"I wanted to mix it up a bit, I guess. I've never thought I would stick with it. And I couldn't keep up with it anyways, being a double major and all. As you could tell, last semester I didn't go to many meetings or events. I'm really glad I joined though. I don't know if I would have met you otherwise." She confessed. "Were you in a sorority in Ohio?"

"No. My mom talked me into joining Sigma Phi. She thought it would help with adjusting to life here." Content with my answer, I continued. "Why music ed?"

Marceline's fingers drummed on the steering wheel. "Ah...I eventually wanted to teach at the collegiate level and thought 'might as well'. I could not tell you if taking the education portion is a requirement or not. I didn't check." She laughed herself before bouncing back to me with, "Are you going to visit your family in the summer?"

"Only if you come with me."

"Let's get a hotel or something next time we go."

I gave an embarrassed laugh. "I was thinking the same thing." The sound of the passing scenery filled the silent night air for a few seconds while I thought. "How are Marshal and Garrison?"

"I'm pretty sure the twenty questions are centered around the person, right?" Receiving an unsatisfied look from yours truly, she gave in and admitted she hadn't kept up with their relationship, but assumed it was probably fine outside of their usual bickering. Content with her honestly I gestured for her to ask her next question.

"Have you seen Braco recently?"

I gave a nod. "I actually saw him today in the library."

"Oh? How did that go?"

I was expecting more of a response, than just 'Oh' but disregarded it quickly, taking it as a sign of her letting go of whatever grudge she had on him. "It was more of a passing conversation. Ended as soon as it started."

"Are you okay with that?"

"Three questions in a row?" I joked. "I really don't mind. Regardless of how you felt about him, after new years I haven't been able to look at him the same way I did before." I turned the conversation back on her. "How are you dealing with everything?"

"As in the Ash thing?"

"Mhm."

"I'm trying not to blame myself, but it's pretty hard when I see you struggling with homework and other tasks around the house. I just want you to be okay."

"You're here. So I'm always okay."

"That's sweet of you." She glanced over and gave a smile. "What do you love about me?"

"Many things."

"How specific." Marceline snickered, poking my leg. "Seriously though."

I took Marceline's hand from the steering wheel and held it as best as I could with both hands. Her warmth heated up my cool fingertips. "I love how you wear your emotions on your sleeve. I never have to guess how you feel about things, only why you feel it. I love your spurts of embarrassment, your teasing personality, that dashing Abadeer grin of yours, how you introduce me to new adventures-like going to raves."

"Hey, that was an accident!" She objected.

"I know. I know. But...I think that's when everything changed for us."

"You think so?"

"You immediately went to get a room change the day after meeting me. You constantly teased me about anything and everything. Then all of a sudden you invite me to lunch, then to a rave."

"I liked you before then, you know. I show my love by teasing. If I hated you, then you would have gotten the same treatment that Lillian does. For me, I thought things changed for us after I walked you home from that Delta Chi party."

"I never would have known that your heart softened at all. You always glared at me."

Marceline shrugged. "I didn't know what I was feeling."

"Well, now we're in love. So I guess it's okay." Marceline gave a nod. "Now it's your turn," I said. "What do you love about me?"

"I think...everything." She stated simply

"What a copout."

"It's not a copout! There's nothing about you that I dislike. You're incredible. Your focus and determination is unlike any other person I've ever seen. Your stubbornness too. Once you have your mind set on something-that's it. You weren't content with not knowing why I was glaring at you. You sought after me with everything you had. You were so forgiving..."

"Sometimes the way you explain it is almost like I was some sort of saving grace."

"In a way you were. It showed me that there was a person who could accept me as I was. Musician, asshole and all."

"You're much sweeter than you think you are."

"Just to you."

"I see it with all the people you open up to. Keila, Rain, Finn-even Lillian when you're in a good mood."

"It was all an elaborate ruse to make you fall for me. No backsies."

I squeezed her hand and gave a small laugh. "I don't buy it for a second, Abadeer. You're secretly a sweetheart. And a hipster." I whispered the last part, which still earned me an eye roll. "Why did you hate me at first?"

"You were nosey."

"How rude!"

"Being nosey is rude!" She argued. "But I now realize you can't help it."

"Its the scientist in me."

"Sure, we'll go with that."

Once they made it to a parking spot near the base of the mountain, they sat on the hood of Marceline's hellcat and chatted for what seemed like minutes, translating to hours.

The night ended perfectly. Bonnie fell asleep in the car on the way home, holding Marceline's right arm captive as she drove.

It was a struggle to get into the house, as they were both preoccupied with kisses on the doorstep.


Review Time!

MarCor3: I had actually written many different situations on how I wanted to handle that issue and finally saw the opportunity to write it in for that chapter. Glad you liked it!

Com-Tlancy: The times have been a mess, but I have been fine. I finished out my semester, only one more to go before finishing my degree-then off to grad school I go! I had rewritten this chapter multiple times over the past few months, but because of everything happening with the pandemic and taking care of my parent who underwent a major surgery, I felt like I had to put this on the back burner for longer than I wanted to. Thanks for checking in! I hope you're doing well.