A/N: This is such a dumb fic, be warned that it contains excessive use of the word 'penis'. Yeah…

*Yeets fic into the void*


"What the hell Aoko, what are you—did you just lock the door?!"

Aoko planted herself in front of the now-locked door to her room and gave her best friend an unimpressed stare. "Kaito, we need to talk."

"Why does this conversation require you locking us in your room?" Kaito asked warily.

"Because you've been acting weird for weeks now, and I'm not going to let you avoid me anymore. What the hell is going on with you, Kaito?" she demanded.

"Nothing!"

"Bullshit," Aoko countered, narrowing her eyes at him, "You think I can't tell when something is bothering you?" Kaito opened his mouth and Aoko added, "And don't you dare try to lie to me. I will get the mop—"

"I like penises!" Kaito blurted, and Aoko took a moment to be thankful she'd decided against trying to corner her friend in public.

"What."

"N-nothing, I didn't say anything!" Kaito lied frantically.

"What the hell, Kaito. If you're trying to distract me, at least pick a better joke than saying penises."

"It's not a joke! I'm serious!"

Aoko blinked at her friend as Kaito slapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment, "Okay, Kaito, please explain to me what part of your brain decided it was a good idea to use the phrase 'I like penises' in a serious conversation, with no context."

"I panicked, okay?" Kaito shot back defensively. "I've been trying to figure out how to tell you something for over a week now but everything I came up with just sounded stupid and then you were literally threatening to attack me if I didn't say something! So I tried to just spit it out and—and that happened!"

Okay, Aoko felt a little bad for threatening her friend, but it had been so frustrating seeing how unhappy Kaito had been around her. (She'd been starting to think she'd done something accidentally to upset him, and half-hoped that she could make him mad enough to actually tell her what it was.) "Kaito…I still have no idea what you're talking about but you could have just talked to me. We've been friends for ages, Kaito, what is making you so freaked out? Are you in trouble or something?"

"When am I not in trouble?" Kaito joked, "But, no—that—that's not what I wanted to tell you. Um."

The nervous expression on her friend's face made Aoko raise her eyebrows, "Honestly, Kaito, nothing you say now will be embarrassing in comparison to how this conversation started."

Kaito winced slightly, took a deep breath, and stated bluntly, "I'm gay, Aoko."

Aoko blinked, That was what he'd been worried about? He was afraid of coming out to her? Wait— "Kaito, have you told everyone else?"

"You're the first one to know, actually," her friend replied quietly.

"Oh," Aoko breathed, "I'm so happy for you, Kaito." Suddenly she grinned, "We can talk about cute boys together! Oh! Do you have someone special you like already, Kaito?"

Her friend blushed, "I—maybe," he hedged.

"Then, whenever you're ready to talk about him, my ears will be open," Aoko declared, grinning as Kaito mumbled an embarrassed agreement.

(Aoko was totally going to bring up the 'Kaito came out to me by telling me he liked penises' story to Kaito's eventual partner—but only after she was certain they were good enough for her best friend.)