Hey guys. Here's a new chapter. It's all Rachel and Emily. This was a tough one that took 2 days and a detour into the Rizzoli and Isles fandom in between to write. (I'll tell you about that at the end haha.) Lots of news at the end.

Enjoy.


Do You Want Kids?

Emily stands in the darkened doorway. She leans against the bedroom doorway for a minute watching the rise and fall of the lump on the left side of the bed. She takes a breath before she starts toward the bed. Emily hated this. No matter how many times she made this walk in the dark to slip in behind her girlfriend, she always hit her foot on something. She couldn't figure it out. It was like the furniture did this on purpose.

"Shit." She hit her foot on the bed. She groans. Every single time; she didn't understand it. A soft laugh turned cough told her Rachel was awake. "Don't laugh."

"I'm sorry. It's just every single time, Baby," Rachel says.

Emily crawls onto the bed and holds herself over her girlfriend to kiss her. She settles behind Rachel and wraps her arm around her waist. "It's too dark in here. It's impossible to walk."

"I do it just fine."

"Well, it's your furniture, of course it doesn't hate you."

Rachel laughs. "Right. Would you like me to set up some runway lights for you? From the door to the bed?"

"And from the bed to the bathroom, please," Emily jokes.

"You're ridiculous."

"How about a nightlight, at least?" Emily continues. She feels Rachel tense.

"No," Rachel says softly.

"Fine. You'll just have to take care of my injuries." Emily kisses Rachel's shoulder.

"Em." Rachel's voice tells the brunette something is wrong.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just want to sleep, okay?" Rachel turns further on her side and snuggles into her pillow.

"Okay. I'm sorry." Emily tightens her grip on her girlfriend.

Emily lays in the dark with her arm wrapped around Rachel for a while. She was worried. Something was obviously up with Rachel. She wouldn't be able to sleep like this. And she knew Rachel wouldn't either.

"Rach?" No answer. "Rach, come on. I know you're awake."

"Yeah?" Rachel responds.

"What's going on? Talk to me." Emily runs her hand across Rachel's waist.

Rachel doesn't answer right away. She takes a breath before she starts. "Do you want kids?"

As a profiler, especially out in the field, things change quickly, circumstances escalate, foot pursuits happen, you have to think on your feet. None of that experience prepared her for that question, so she was left with… "Uh"

Rachel sighs. "Forget it. It's late. Let's just sleep."

"No, no, I'm awake. We can talk," Emily says quickly. She sits up against the pillows and reaches to turn on the light on her nightstand. "Come on." Emily tries to get Rachel to face her.

Rachel turns over. "How are you in your pajamas?" Rachel didn't hear Emily changing her clothes. She sits up against her pillows next to Emily.

Emily wraps her arm around her girlfriend. Rachel rests her head on the brunette's shoulder. "These are the second set from my go bag. I changed in the living room."

"In the dark?" Emily shrugs. "You can change your clothes in the dark in the living room without making a sound, but you hurt yourself every time you walk in here?"

"Pretty much."

Rachel laughs. "Like I said, ridiculous."

The are both quiet for a moment. "So, you want kids?" Emily says softly getting them back on topic.

"Yes."

"How many?"

"Two, maybe three."

"What made you think of this?"

"Emily." Rachel looks up at her. "Are you going to answer my question?"

"I don't know," Emily answers honestly.

"You don't know if you're going to answer or you don't know if you want kids?"

"Both."

Rachel hears something in her girlfriend's voice. She can't place it though, which is rare for how long they've been together. There's fear and uncertainty and insecurity, but there's something else too. Rachel locks eyes with her girlfriend.

"Em," Rachel says softly, "I can see it."

"See what?"

"I can see you with kids. Teaching a little boy or girl Italian, or reading them Kurt Vonnegut at bedtime, telling them the story of our first date and warning them to always make sure their cell phones are charged." They both laugh.

"JJ said the same thing once, not all that, of course, but that she could see it."

"You and JJ talked about having kids? Should I be worried?" Rachel teases.

"Definitely not. She's one of my best friends, I mean, when we first met…" Emily shakes her head. "That was years ago."

Rachel pulls away from Emily in shock. She turns to face her on the bed. "Wait a minute. Pause on the kids talk. You and JJ were together? You never told me that."

"There was nothing to tell. We weren't together. I mean, when we first met I guess I was a bit attracted to her. But that was years ago, and I have you."

Rachel smirks. "You had a crush on JJ," she says scandalously. "Does she know?"

Emily is absolutely confused at the turn this conversation has taken. "No. And it doesn't matter. I'm with you, and I love you, unless you want me to call JJ and profess my undying love for her."

"Oh, so there is an undying love. I knew it."

"Only for you," Emily says with an over-the-top grin.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "I knew that too." Rachel pecks her girlfriend's lips. "But back to the kids talk, what made JJ say that?"

"There was a case. A girl's family was killed. I let my emotions get in the way, I wanted to take care of her. Of course, that didn't happen. JJ found her extended family."

"Well, JJ and I are both right. You'd be great." Emily isn't looking at her. Rachel reaches out and takes Emily's hand. "But you don't think so."

"Rach, I don't know."

Rachel scoots back over to sit next to Emily. She wraps the other woman's arm around her and wraps her own arm around Emily's middle. She knew when it was hard for Emily to talk about something, it helped if she wasn't looking at her head on. "Tell me."

"I don't know how to be a mother. My mother wasn't exactly the greatest example. She was a workaholic, who left me with nannies most of the time."

"I don't think anyone knows how to be a mother the first time, Em, or even the second, or third, or fourth. And even if you think your mother wasn't the best example, she was an example, something you can learn from. You'll try not to make the same choices she did with your child, because you know how her choices made you feel."

Emily shakes her head. None of that matters. "I'm already like her, Rachel." Emily puts distance between herself and Rachel by getting up and pacing the floor. "I work all the time, leaving at all hours of the night, at a moment's notice, away for days or even weeks at a time. I get shot at for a living. And run head first into life-threatening situation."

Rachel watches her girlfriend. "You can change all of that, if you want."

"I'm not giving up my job," Emily says forcefully.

"I didn't say that." Rachel continues to watch her girlfriend pace the length of the bedroom with agitation and pick at her nails. "Em."

"I want you to have a child, Rachel; you should be able to have anything you want, but I can't be a mother. I don't know how."

"What aren't you telling me?" Rachel asks.

Rachel follows Emily with her eyes. Emily doesn't answer. And keeps her face out of Rachel's sight as she bites her nails. Rachel can't let her off the hook. She knows Emily is in pain. She just needs to know what Emily's not saying.

"Emily," Rachel calls after a minute of silence surrounds the room.

"If you called your parents and told them you needed them, do you think they'd come?"

"Yes," Rachel answers quickly.

"You always knew that? That whenever you called in need they would come?"

"Yeah."

"I never felt that way," Emily says with a shake of her head. "If it was a dire situation, sure. But I never felt I could go to them for anything. Even when I…"

Rachel sees Emily struggling and stands from the bed to go over to her girlfriend. Emily takes a step back and puts her hands up to stop Rachel.

"No. Stay there." Emily crosses her arms. "I was 15, and I wanted something you know. Anything to make me feel normal, like I wasn't completely ignored by my parents, or moved around the world whenever my mother was called. I…I got pregnant, and I didn't have a mother or father to call who would come if I said I need them. I couldn't have it," Emily whispers the last few words.

"Emily."

"How can I be a mother? I don't deserve it."

Rachel hops off the bed. She takes her girlfriend in her arms. "You deserve it, Emily," Rachel says sternly.

"I can't, Rachel." Emily shakes her head.

"You deserve it, Em. What you did…It couldn't have been easy, and you made an incredibly difficult choice. You felt alone, like you had no one, and you made the best choice you could. You are the most compassionate, caring, beautiful, thoughtful, kind-hearted person I know. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother. I love you. And you deserve it all, Emily Prentiss."

Rachel holds on to Emily as tears flow down their cheeks. Emily wraps her arms around Rachel tightly.

Rachel pulls away from Emily after a few moments. She brushes Emily's hair from her face and holds her face in her hands. Rachel gives a supportive smile. "Let's go to bed, okay?"

She pulls the brunette to the bed and under the covers and reaches over to turn out the light before snuggling back to Emily. Rachel wraps her arms around her girlfriend, glad that Emily is letting her hold her this way.

"I love you." She kisses Emily's cheek. "We'll talk more in the morning. Just go to sleep."

"I love you too," Emily whispers in the dark.


Hey, you've reached the end of this one. This one was really tough for me to write, so I'd love to hear what you guys thought. Specifically about Emily's characterization. I couldn't really remember the details of the case with the girl who Emily wanted to take with her, so sorry for any bad info.

So I have a new one-shot. It's a Rizzoli and Isles/Criminal Minds crossover with...who else...Emily! And if you squint really hard you can fit Rachel in there too haha. Check it out if you want. Leave a review. I'd appreciate it.

I've been working on a character photo of Rachel with Emily so that will be on my Tumblr page soon. If you don't know my page is TVCrazedUniverse. Check it out. I'll be taking requests from texts and gif sets there. So send it my way and I'll try to make it happen. Doesn't have to be in Criminal Minds fandom. I like plenty of others! I'm surprisingly active on there already so check it out!

AND we are coming up to 100 REVIEWS (very exciting!) so I'll take a request from whoever is my 100th reviewer. Based on the average reviews per chapter, I think 100 will come with the next chapter, but you guys may surprise me (I hope you do.)

FINALLY, wanted to let you guys know that the next chapter I plan to write is what happens with both of our lovely ladies and their friends after Rachel rejects Emily at the hospital following the hostage situation. Who's looking forward to that?

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.

TVCrazed.