AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yep, inspired by the Ben Folds song. I know I write a lot of domestic Drake Mallard, but when you think about it, it's everything he never wanted in his life. So a bit of an interesting character study came out of the topic. Hope y'all like it!
There were many things in life that Drake Mallard promised he would never become. He swore to never be a greaser after the the ordeal with the King. He swore to never be like the contemptable Ham String and Preena Lott.
Well, he swore to be as successful and popular as them, but not all the baggage that came with it.
But if there was one thing that he swore every day to go against, the one thing that was the opposite of everything he wanted his life to become, it was the typical boring suburbanite.
These thoughts began swimming in Drake's mind as they had on many an occasion as he sat in a lawn chair drinking a Coo-Coo Cola in the Muddlefoots' backyard. They were enjoying the warm summer day with a cookout, and the Mallards had been cordially invited to attend. Drake would say he had been dragged, but Launchpad knew he was doing it for Gosalyn. The Muddlefoots' youngest son, Honker, was Gosalyn's best friend, so any chance they had to hang out was a great day for the both of them. He watched them run around the yard, playing Cops and Robbers with Honker's older brother, Tank, who undoubtedly volunteered to be the robber.
Drake never thought his life would ever take this direction. He had taken every path himself to avoid it. Throughout high school, he made huge promises to his parents to change the world. He dreamt big and strove through his actions to not be just another duck. He wanted to be THE duck. And that didn't mean going to college and getting a job. That meant traveling overseas, training and learning from the greatest so he could become the superhero everyone loved. A hero that plastered headlines, that had movies made about him, that everyone knew the name of. His parents tried to talk him down, but he brushed them off, dismissing them with the claim that they didn't understand. They were just cogs in the machine who were content with their 9-5 jobs and their white picket fences. Where was the excitement in that?
As he sat surrounded by the same white picket fences and the smell of roasting weenies, Drake now understood the excitement his parents had as suburbanites. It all came from the family they had. Drake supplied his family's excitement with his wild ambitions, odd hobbies, and boundless imagination. Gosalyn, in turn, turned Drake's simple domestic life into anything but, with her infinite energy, sharp mind, and boundless imagination. He would probably still be alone in the Audubon Bay Bridge, fighting small time burglars and chasing headlines had she not crashed into his life. didn't want to admit it, but that was real drudgery and real stagnation, and would've been exactly what he was fighting against.
Gosalyn and Launchpad, his loving family, had injected his life with new excitement, and made the suburban life worth having. Teenage Drake would absolutely be cringing. But for this beautiful detour in his plan, he was forever grateful.
"Gee, life is grand, eh, Drakester?" laughed Herb Muddlefoot, slapping Drake on the back so hard it knocked him out of his chair. Drake grumbled and picked himself and his now spilled Cola can up from the ground. He dusted himself off and laid eyes on his oafish neighbor, who wore the same dopey grin he always had on. Drake turned back toward the fence and saw Gosalyn and Tank aggressively wrestling while Honker looked on, quite scared.
Drake turned back to Herb and patted him on the shoulder. "You know what, Herb?" Drake said, "Yes. Yes, it is."
