In memory of Peter Breck

In a Little While

Nick looked around from his wheelchair near the fireplace, but he didn't know what he was looking at. There was this large room, that huge staircase, that big front door. There were all these people – two older men, three older women, younger people of all ages, all talking, laughing, drinking wine. Where was his wine? Nick looked for it, but there wasn't any nearby.

There wasn't anything or anyone nearby that he recognized. Why not? Who were these people? Why were they having a party in his home without him? At least he thought this was his home, wasn't it? That huge staircase, that big front door – they were familiar – weren't they?

"I don't understand ….." he said softly, out loud.

One of the older men glanced his way and gave him a soft crooked smile. But he didn't talk. He didn't say anything. Who was he? Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't anyone say anything to him? Why wasn't he holding a glass of wine and celebrating with whatever they were all celebrating about?

"You don't need to understand," a deep feminine voice said. "Just know that I'm real and you can hang onto me."

Nick looked up. Someone else had come in, a woman with white hair, a woman he knew, but hadn't seen in a long time. "But – who are these people? I don't understand who they are and why they're around me…"

"I know you don't, but just know they love you and will take care of you, and know that you remember me, don't you?" Her voice was soft and familiar, her face radiant and smiling as she bent close and took his hand.

"Mother?" Nick said, out loud.

At least he thought it was out loud, but no one looked his way this time. They all just kept talking to each other.

They didn't seem to see the white-haired woman or hear her either, but Nick saw her and smiled. "Of course I remember but you – you haven't been around for a long time." He didn't even question why she had come back now.

"No," she said. "I've been gone more than 20 years now. Jarrod's been with me. You remember Jarrod. And Father's here too. You remember them."

"I do," Nick said. "I do remember them and I remember you, but these other people, I don't – I don't – "

"You're confused, Nick, that's because you've been sick. The people around you – your wife, your children, your sister Audra, your brothers Heath and Eugene and all their children – "

Nick looked at the strangers in the room who were not looking at him, or listening to him apparently. "I don't remember them. I don't know who they are."

"Because you're sick," the white-haired woman said, "but in a little while, you won't be sick anymore. You'll remember them and they'll remember you. You'll be with Jarrod and your father and me and in time they'll all be with us again. You just have to wade on through a little longer."

"Jarrod? Who – "

"Your older brother. You remember."

"Oh," Nick said, mostly to himself. "I remember."

"And you remember your father. He taught you how to be a rancher."

"A rancher? Yes, I'm a rancher."

She smiled. "That's right. You're a rancher."

Nick finally looked at her more closely but then closed his eyes. "I'm tired."

"I know you are," Victoria Barkley said, "but I've been with you all these years, Nick, and I'm with you now. You remember me even if you have trouble remembering them. Hold onto me. I won't leave you. I never did."

"And Jarrod and Father?"

"And Jarrod and Father. They never left you either."

Nick looked around, confusion all over him. "You'll tell me who these other people are?"

"I won't need to. In a little while, you'll remember them yourself, and you'll be with them again just like I've been with you all these years."

Nick felt his heart warm, an odd feeling he hadn't had for he didn't remember how long. "I've missed you, Mother."

"In a little while, you'll see me all the time. Just hang onto that, let these good people take care of you for a little while longer. Even if you don't remember who they are right now, you'll remember soon, and in the meantime, just know they love you and will take care of you as long as they need to."

Nick looked around at the place and the people he still didn't know. But he knew something deep inside. "I've been a lucky man, haven't I? I think I remember that."

"You've been a very lucky man, and you still are," his mother said.

"Funny," he said. "I don't know them, but I don't want to leave them. I don't want to leave this place or these people."

"You won't leave them," Victoria Barkley said, "any more than I or Jarrod or your father has left any of you. Just rest now, Nick. It won't be long now, and everything will be all right again."

He trusted her implicitly, completely. He remembered her and everything about her. He smiled. "You promise?"

"I promise."

Nick sighed and closed his eyes. His mother had promised him. He remembered her promises. He remembered she always kept them. "Good," he said, and let go of all his confusion forever.

The End