A huge thanks to mmauney12 as always for the kind words and review on the last chapter. And to the rest of my readers, please leave a review! It makes my day every time and motivates me to work even harder on getting chapters out to you guys!
This chapter is kind of a unique one in that it's split POV with Remus in the first third and Messalina in the rest to keep from having to post a 3,000 word chapter.
This chapter is also unique in that it's a split POV with Remus in the first half and Messalina in the second half to keep me from posting two 3,000 word chapters. Additionally, it's when some of the plot points from the original version of this story Messalina come into play, so if you're familiar with that story - keep an eye out for that! And without further ado, I hope you enjoy!
Previously on Above All Others: Snape leads Messalina to uncover Remus' furry little problem and the two of them have a talk in the Come and Go Room.
If one was to pull at the thread of events that led Remus Lupin to consider Sirius Black capable of the betrayal of James and Lily Potter, they would likely expect to find something about the attempted maiming of Severus Snape. After all, Sirius had let his anger lead him to tell Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow and into the Shrieking Shack on the full moon without considering the effect it would have on Remus. But this is an event you've probably heard of before and ought not come as a surprise. And while it had a great impact on the boys' friendship for the rest of sixth year and the summer after, it did not leave a chasm of mistrust between them. Sirius apologized and vowed to never exploit Remus' condition again. And it was a reminder to Remus that not everyone understood his plight and that the Marauders ought to keep an eye on Sirius to ensure he stayed in line.
And so, when years and years from when he was a seventh year trying very hard to suppress his feelings for a particular young woman and he was actively trying to remember why he had ever considered Sirius capable of such deception, a second event would come to mind. A less exact, less biting betrayal but a betrayal nonetheless. It was not even deception aimed at the Marauders and yet it left a stain on their relationship, on their past. And in the end, it was what was uncovered after Messalina Lucien fell asleep during a DADA lecture on the very wizarding prison Remus would have ended up in if James had not intervened to stop Snape that planted the seeds of doubt in Remus' mind and led him to believe Sirius was a far better liar than he believed possible.
Later, when he had more time to reflect upon what happened, it was the monotony of the day that struck Remus as odd. He had woken up to his alarm on time, rolled out of bed and showered before the others even remembered they had classes to go to, laughed at Sirius teasing James about the way he always walked faster when he saw Lily Evans' red hair in the distance, and sat down to breakfast with the feeling that he was truly going to miss Hogwarts when he graduated. He pondered whether you could be nostalgic for something you were actively experiencing as he buttered his toast and tried to look mysteriously in thought when he saw Messalina enter the Great Hall, lest she finally realize that he was not as interesting as she must've made him out to be in her mind.
She made her way over to her friends slowly, covering a yawn with her hand and somehow making Remus jealous of whatever had kept her up the night before. He had, after all, strategically studied in the Common Room until the early hours of the morning waiting for her to come down. He knew she worked best at night, a leftover habit from the twins' time at Hogwarts, and it was slowly becoming a habit for them to work late into the night together slouched over dry textbooks, squinting at ancient ink. But she had gone upstairs with the rest of the girls after dinner and apparently stayed up late doing something with them instead.
Had she not spent the last two weeks since finding out about his furry little problem making an effort to be around him more and reassure him that she was unfazed by the revelation, he would have worried she'd changed her mind. But the full moon was tomorrow night now and his stomach churned painfully at the thought she'd changed her mind as the full moon approached. It would be the smart, DADA-wise thing for her to do to push him away, but despite knowing it was for the best he hoped he was wrong. The idea of losing her sweet smiles and quiet laughter every night was enough for him to try to hold onto the illusion that she could one day love him.
He didn't have to wonder at her state of mind for long as she took a seat beside Mary and looked over at him with a happy, albeit tired, smile. He returned it eagerly with a wave that made him curse himself for being so awkward and he turned it into an awkward cough into the elbow that had the rest of the Marauders laughing at him.
"Looks like someone was up late last night, know anything about that Moony?" James teased, his voice far too loud for Remus' liking as he quickly checked to make sure none of the seventh year girls had heard the comment. He cleared his throat, his face and the tips of his ears turning red at the insinuation.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he managed to say, taking a rather large gulp of pumpkin juice to avoid looking at anyone. Somewhere down the table, he heard Lily ask Messalina if she was feeling alright but Messalina's mumbled answer was lost as Sirius began regaling them with a tale of how he and James had gone into muggle London during the summer.
The rest of breakfast passed in a similar manner, Remus trying to use his heightened pre-transformation senses to determine what was going on at further down the table and the rest of the Marauders interrupting his attempts with bits of gossip, prank plans, and dirty jokes. He was able to glean that Messalina had fallen asleep earlier than the rest of the girls and Lily had to wake her up as they were leaving for breakfast.
While he suddenly felt guilty for perhaps keeping Messalina up later than she intended by introducing impromptu study sessions in the Common Room, his pride ballooned at the idea that she was sacrificing other activities to spend time with him. Convincing himself that she was just overly tired for another reason, Remus joined his friends on the walk to DADA, leaving the girls to finish their breakfast in peace and glancing back once to see Messalina take a long drink of coffee.
"So Moony, now that a certain Gryffindor knows about your furry little problem, are you going to make a move?" James asked as they left the Great Hall in a more serious tone than Remus had heard in a long time. Usually James reserved that voice for their talks about the War late at night, or when worried about his parents' health as they aged.
"We're just friends," Remus replied tightly, realizing he should not have expected the morning to continue in such an easy manner. It was hardly any business of James' if he asked Messalina out (as he had longed to do for two long years), but now that James had asked, the other two Marauders had gone silent and were looking at Remus. Sirius had an odd look on his face, though Remus knew him well enough to recognize wariness and apprehension on his aristocratic features. Peter looked as though he was trying very hard to be excited but was failing quite miserably as his eyes darted between Remus and the doors to the Great Hall behind them.
"Friends or friendly friends?" James asked again with a waggle of his eyebrows, either not noticing or ignoring the looks on his fellow Marauders' face.
"Friends."
"I wouldn't jump into anything too quickly, Moony," Sirius added, giving Remus a solemn look. "You could do better than Lucien."
"What?!" James voiced Remus' concern before he was even able to finish comprehending what Sirius had said. "Lina is a wonderful witch, you'd have to be to be such good friends with Lily and the Prewetts. Don't be ridiculous, Padfoot, just because you aren't her biggest fan doesn't mean you can say bad things about her."
"I'm just saying be careful is all," Sirius cautioned, running a hand through his dark hair and staring down at the floor. "That's all I'm saying, Prongs."
"Are we sure she's not with Pucey?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Peter, she's only got eyes for our Moony here."
"They were standing awfully close on the Map."
"And she said he was healing a bruise. Let it go, Peter," Remus countered, fixing the shorter boy with a confused look. "I thought you and Lina were friends."
"I'm trying to look out for her is all."
"I didn't realize she needed protection," Remus added, shaking his head at Peter. He'd once been addled with jealousy of his and Messalina's friendship, but it seemed as though he had forgotten everything he knew about Messalina this year.
"Excuse us boys," Marlene's voice called from behind them and Remus tried to ignore the way his heart leapt as he turned to see Lily and Messalina trailing after Marlene. Messalina had thrown her dirty blonde hair into a low bun that vaguely resembled a bird's nest and stifled a yawn into her hand, but that had Remus wonder if that would be what it would be like to wake up next to her. You know, as friends. Because friends totally think that about each other, right?
"Hi Remus, James," Messalina greeted as she traipsed by, pointedly ignoring the two Marauders that had planted themselves on her shit list. Lily winked at Remus as she walked by, a pleased smile on her face as she jerked her head in Messalina's direction. Ignoring James' stutter of disbelief at Lily daring to show affection towards Remus, he followed the girls into the DADA classroom.
Messalina had already taken her seat in the front row beside Graham Pucey, who had begun chatting so loudly about the new Comet 220 that Remus wished his ears weren't so hypersensitive around the full moon because hearing Pucey's smooth, posh accent so clearly was doing wonders for his self esteem.
"You're awfully chipper this morning," Messalina grumbled, resting her head on her hand and looking over at Graham. Remus tried to ignore the fond look in her dark eyes and the way her lip quirked up as Graham laughed. Everything about the Slytherin was handsome. His high aristocratic cheekbones, carefully styled hair, and somehow pretentiously disheveled robes. One of Hogwarts' biggest heartthrobs, and at the moment he was looking at Messalina as though she was the answer to all his problems.
"And you seem awfully sleepy, what'd you get up to last night?" Graham asked casually, but Remus heard the undercurrent of unease in his voice. Ignoring Snape as he sank into the seat beside him, Remus leaned forward to hear the rest of their conversation.
"Some of us need our beauty sleep," Messalina replied, covering her mouth as she yawned. "It wouldn't hurt you to try it sometime, Pucey."
"You could really use some beauty sleep, Lucien," Pucey teased back and Remus had to resist the urge to gag.
The door to Vector's office flew open with a resounding bang, the wizened old man standing in the doorway leaning heavily on his cane and glaring down at the chattering classroom. He made his way gingerly down the stairs, and as always Remus wondered how he avoided tumbling down the stairs as he made the steep descent.
"AZKABAN! Pettigrew, tell us what is it," Vector yelled as he reached the end of the staircase, panting as he staggered across the room to his desk. Without even turning in his seat, Remus knew Peter had gone a dark red color in embarrassment at Vector calling on him. The professor typically chose to randomly call on the students in the first three rows, and Peter was in the back corner as Vector had declared him the worst in the class on the first day.
"Th-the wizarding prison for British criminals," Peter stammered and Remus didn't miss the distasteful way Vector looked at Peter before directing his attention towards where James and Lily were sitting.
"Evans, who was the first inhabitant and why was the Ministry afraid of the isle?"
"Ekrizdis, sir, who used Dark magic to lure muggle sailors to the fortress to torture and kill them. When he died, the Ministry realized what had been going on there under magical concealment. A colony of dementors was found there and the Ministry was afraid of invoking dark magic if they destroyed it."
"Very good. Connors, why did they pick Azkaban for the prison?"
"They thought they could save money, time, and lives if they used dementors as guards," the bubbly Hufflepuff's voice was subdued and Remus wondered fleetingly if she had gotten in a fight with her long-term Slytherin boyfriend John Higgs or if the idea of dementors was enough to extinguish her enthusiasm.
"Good. Now what's an automatic sentence to Azkaban without a trial, Higgs?"
"The use of one of the three unforgivables, sir. That's the Killing curse, the Imperious Curse, and the Cruciatus Curse."
"That rule was put into place in 1717. Lucien, what are the exceptions to the Unforgivable Act of 1717?" Had Remus not been paying close attention to Vector's face in an attempt to avoid staring at the back of Messalina's head and daydreaming about running his hands through it, he would've missed the alarm that flashed across the man's face as he turned in her direction. It was this advanced knowledge that allowed Remus to see Pucey's mouth fall open just as Messalina's head swayed ever so slightly and she dropped her quill, staining her parchment. "Lucien!"
Vector's shout had the rest of the class jerking in their seats and craning their necks to see what Vector's prized student had done to incur such a heated reaction, but Remus was paralyzed as he watched Pucey tentatively raise his hand. Remus could only imagine he meant to shake the girl awake; however, his hand froze in mid-air as Messalina pitched forward and banged her head on the wooden table. It was as though she was a puppet and someone had cut her strings as she laid limply, half on top of her desk and half under it. Later the others would remember the bang as her forehead smacked into the table, but Remus couldn't get the crunch of her nose breaking out his ears. He cursed his heightened senses as the faint smell of blood filled his nostrils.
Graham Pucey scrambled to his feet at the same time Remus did, Pucey's chair falling backward onto the tile with a crash in his hurry. Remus was able to get one good look at Messalina in before Vector ordered him to get back, and he didn't like what he saw. Messalina had looked tired at breakfast not a half hour earlier, but now it looked as though she was severely sleep deprived. Dark bags had formed under her eyes and her skin looked almost waxy. A thin stream of blood had flowed from her nose and was dripping onto the floor. It seemed impossible that only a few minutes had gone by since she had been teasing Pucey.
"Step aside, boys," Vector grumbled, raising his wand. His voice was calm and collected, but Remus noted how tense his shoulders were. "Rennervate."
A brilliantly colored red light burst from his wand and hit Messalina, and her body jerked on impact but she remained face down. Remus swore he saw her eyelids flutter, but he later attributed it to some figment of his imagination that was willing her to move. His heart was beating so erratically in his chest he wondered if intense stress could cause him to turn early.
"Pucey, pick her head up and sit her up straight," Vector barked. Graham scrambled to do what he was told and Remus ignored the sick feeling in his stomach when he saw Graham lift Messalina's head and push her back into her chair. It might have looked like she was just sitting with her eyes closed were it not for Graham Pucey holding her and the blood flowing steadily from her nose, which sat at an odd angle, and coating her chin and neck. Vector sent a levitation charm at her as the class sat in silence apart from Remus who had potentially never felt more useless. "Pucey, to the Hospital Wing with me. Rest of you can fuck right off. Evans, Potter go tell McGonagall."
Remus stepped backwards right onto the foot of John Higgs as the trio made their way out of the classroom: Vector hobbling on his cane as though his life depended on it, Pucey looking as though he was trying very hard to remain composed, and Messalina appearing dead.
The first thing Messalina was aware of the warmth on her skin. While she had spent years longing to have the seventh year dorm in Gryffindor tower with its magnificent views, she had not anticipated the cold drafts and whistling winds that the high elevation brought. In previous years, she had gone to sleep in old t-shirts she'd pilfered from the twins over the years but now almost every night she grabbed one of Molly's sweaters to keep her warm enough. But evidently she'd been more exhausted the previous night than she'd imagined considering it felt like she was still sleeping in her school uniform. There was no way for the sun to reach her from her bed - the sun was always on Marlene's bed in the morning. And the bed she was lying on wasn't nearly as comfortable as her own bed, the cocoon of plush blankets replaced by starch sheets that felt almost clinical under her fingertips. She'd recognize that feeling anywhere. St. Mungo's.
Opening her eyes was more work than she would've liked to admit and Messalina squinted around the room, grimacing at the pain of light hitting her eyes. She wasn't in the usual private room at St. Mungo's - instead of feeling as though she was in the stuffy parlor Lucien Manor, she was lying in a crisp white bed with three cloth barriers set up to keep her hidden from what she assumed was a much larger room judging by the ceiling that seemed to stretch on and on. She'd always had a private room at St. Mungo's that her family had donated enough money to over the years to have control over its design (hello Slytherin Common Room replica), but Messalina wasn't a Lucien anymore. At least not in any way that mattered, and the Prewetts could hardly be expected to fork over money for a private room.
There was a window behind her that cast a warm glow on the area and if Messalina had to guess, it was the afternoon sun giving one last burst of light before evening set in. Had she made it to DADA that morning? She remembered Lily shaking her awake from a deep sleep, concerned green eyes staring down at her in the soft morning light. She remembered the panicked state she had gotten ready in, nearly forgetting to grab her wand in her flustered attempt to get ready for class.
For the first time, she registered the dull pain on the bridge of her nose and Messalina touched it gingerly with a shaking hand, her heart racing as she realized how much energy it took to move. Swallowing thickly, Messalina lowered her hand and pointedly ignored the way her temple was similarly aching. What had happened?
She'd hurried down the stairs by herself, cursing under her breath at the younger her who had longed to be in the seventh year dorm. The Great Hall had been at its peak capacity when she'd arrived huffing, wondering why she'd never taken the twins up on their quidditch training regime, and made her way over to her dorm mates. Lily had been relieved Messalina had made it on time but was cramming for a Muggle Studies exam she had later that morning and Marlene and Mary were arguing about whether Divination or Ancient Runes was more difficult to follow along. Messalina had looked over at Remus in what she'd hoped was a nonchalant, friend-like manner and had tried to drown the butterflies in her stomach by chugging tea when Remus waved at her.
The girls had left breakfast later than usual as Lily wanted maximum time to study for her exam and the whole walk to DADA had Marlene teasing Lily about how she shouldn't even be in Muggle Studies while Lily grew more and more flustered ("It's just so interesting to see this from the wizarding side of things!"). They had speed walked to the DADA classroom so Lily could study (yet again Marlene teased her that she just wanted more time to sit with James Potter while Lily turned bright red but didn't refute it) and Messalina made a mental note to either stop eating so many sugar quills or to drink more water because the exertion had her feeling faint and peaky. She'd wondered if this was what Remus felt like before his transformation and shot the boy a look of sympathy as she took her place beside Graham Pucey, who launched into a rant about the new racing broom that had been announced the night before. Vector had started class on Azkaban and Messalina had wondered if anyone sensed how hot the room was becoming. And then nothing but black and -
"Miss Lucien." A familiar voice came from just on the other side of the linen barrier and Messalina grimaced at the pain moving her head caused. Madam Pomfrey emerged, a tray of potions hovering just behind her. "I was wondering when the potions would kick in."
"I thought I was in St. Mungo's," Messalina croaked, dismayed by how hoarse her voice was and she rose a hand to feel her throat as if expecting the flesh there to feel as dry as it felt.
"You were not in a stable enough condition for travel when they brought you in here and I am perfectly capable of managing a case of recurring scrofungulus - rare as it is," Madam Promfrey replied primly, busying herself by checking Messalina's pulse with one hand and putting another on Messalina's forehead. Her hands felt like ice and Messalina wondered if it would've killed her to improve her bedside manner by at least using a warming spell on her hands.
"What happened?"
"As I'm sure you're aware, once a witch or wizard contracts scrofungulus, it always remains within them. Usually it remains dormant, but in some cases it can have a flair up. These are usually caused by heightened levels of physical activity, stress, exhaustion, other illnesses. Sometimes its just a random resurgence. Have you been feeling off lately, Miss Lucien?"
"I've been stressed out," Messalina managed to say, thinking back on how she had discovered Remus was a werewolf only two weeks before, the pressure she had on her to find new recruits for whatever organization Fabian and Gideon had joined, the fear of the War raging on outside Hogwarts' gates, the knowledge that the rest of the Luciens were likely Death Eaters as she was fairly certain Antonin was. You know, the usual weight on the shoulders of a seventeen year old girl.
"I see," Madam Pomfrey replied absentmindedly as she shifted through the tray behind her, moving potions around and eventually pulling a rather large envelope out. Messalina recognized the intact seal of St. Mungo's on the back of it and gave the matron an inquisitive look.
"What's that?"
"I requested your records from St. Mungo's this morning when you were brought in. They arrived just under an hour ago. As you're of age, I cannot open these without your consent unless I believe you are in grave need of whatever lies inside. Had you not woken up before tonight, I would be have been able to open the documents then," Madam Pomfrey explained, holding the documents out for Messalina so she could see the red wax seal that glowed faintly. "If you would be so kind as to place your wand hand on the back of this envelope, I will be able to review what your healers have done for you in the past."
"I thought my mother sent these here before I came, as a precaution." Saying the words 'my mother' left a bitter taste in Messalina's mouth, but the idea that Yelena Lucien had not sent all the information Madam Pomfrey needed made her sick. What if this flair up had happened when she was just a weak eleven year old who had barely gotten her healer's approval to come to Hogwarts?
She did as Madam Pomfrey bid, however, and marveled at the way the envelope disintegrated before her eyes and a stack of perhaps fifty pieces of parchment tied together with a prim red ribbon appeared.
"I received an overall report of your health prior to your arrival for your first year, Miss Lucien, but not the documents themselves. The notes from then called for me to get an attending Healer immediately if you presented with symptoms; however, a letter appeared not long after saying the proposed course of action was to care for you here without contacting St. Mungo's."
"When I was disowned, you mean."
"That may be. Here, while I review these, drink up." Madam Pomfrey waved her hand and the vials and potions on the tray behind her came to life, pouring concoctions that floated serenely over to Messalina and waited to be drunk. Messalina endured the terribly bitter and earthy taste of three potions, fighting her gag reflex to keep them down even as she swore one of them tried to crawl its way out of her throat.
Madam Pomfrey looked through the documents quickly, her eyes skimming over the material quicker than Messalina had imagined she could retain any information. Silence fell over them, Messalina lying in bed and Madam Pomfrey standing over her reading. It was peaceful, lying in the warm sun. Just as Messalina was about to drift back into sleep at the soft sound of Madam Pomfrey's breathing and the rustling of parchment, the woman spoke sharply.
"Patient received regular draughts of Potion No. 113 for from ages 7 to 10? That cannot be correct - Miss Lucien, is that true?" Madam Pomfrey had never sounded so scandalized in the entirety of the time Messalina had known her, and she had visited the Hospital Wing with the twins half a dozen times the previous year alone to get quidditch injuries fixed.
"Um yeah, my parents had just requested a new healer. It was someone from Durmstrang that my mother's family knew, he was Russian I think. They liked him because he was more aggressive than the other healers - they just wanted to be reactive but he wanted to be proactive."
"And he prescribed a dose of 113 once a week?"
"Yeah, I mean he said 113 was new but they were using it at the hospital he was at before to cure scrofungulus cases more severe than mine," Messalina replied, ignoring the way her stomach twisted and turned as though it was a pit of snakes. "What about it, Madam Pomfrey? What's wrong?"
"That potion was banned from use in Great Britain four years ago except in life threatening situations. It was found to be far too detrimental to the user's long-term health - it can be poisonous to the body to consume such a high concentration of doxy eggs over such a prolonged period. You are sure this is right, that you received a vial of Number 113 once a week for three years?"
"Y-yes, I'm positive."
"Miss Lucien, I am going to need to ask Professor Slughorn to brew something, will you be alright here for a few moments?" Madam Pomfrey was flustered, far more distracted than Messalina had even imagined the proper young healer could be and she could do nothing more than nod her consent. Her head was spinning and Madam Pomfrey placed the parchment back on the tray before turning on her heel and leaving quickly, the sound of her footsteps echoing.
The sun no longer felt warm and comfortable - it seemed too bright and threw dark, ominous shadows across the floor. The sound of the clock in the corner of the room sounded sinister as though it was counting down to whatever terrible news Madam Pomfrey was going to bring back. Settling into her pillows once again, Messalina forced herself to close her eyes but despite the heavy weight behind her eyelids, they sprung back open to stare at the one source of information left in the room.
The tray remained where it had been when Madam Pomfrey left, hovering just out of reach. The healer had most likely expected it to follow her back out the way she had come, but something about the charm left it right where it was.
Messalina urged herself not to grab the parchment sitting on top and do her own uneducated research to figure out just what had Madam Pomfrey bolting out of the Hospital Wing. In her experience, reading documents she don't understand only confused her more and in a time when her whole head ached, confusion was the last state of being she was looking for.
But as though someone else had control of her body, Messalina pulled herself out of bed and took a hesitant, staggering step towards the tray. Telling herself it was okay because it was her own file and Madam Pomfrey had probably just forgotten to have Slughorn make something for Remus' transformation the following night, she snatched the parchment. Collapsing back into bed, Messalina ignored how light-headed she was and skimmed the pages Madam Pomfrey had been looking at. The chicken scratch handwriting was harder to decipher than she had anticipated, and by the time she figured out what she was looking at, her headache had doubled in size.
Most of the documents were diagnostic tests with scribbled results at the bottom: patient did not react well to this or that, this potion seems to make a difference - double dosage and test for increased health, patient first exhibited signs of scrofungulus flair up, blah blah blah. She knew all of this already, and just when she went to put the parchment down, she noticed one piece looked quite different than the others. Rather than SCROFUNGULUS written in blocky letters at the top so the healers could quickly see what the problem was, Fertility was scrawled across the top.
Patient: Messalina Oksana Lucien
Age: 11
Birthday: 1st of June 1960 - 3:33 AM
Test: General Scrofungulus Checkup with Fertility Component
Date: 10th of August 1971
Reason: Patient's parents request fertility testing based on preliminary results of study on Potion No. 113, administered by Healer Ludovich to patient from ages 7 to 10, with one vial a week at maximum dosage. Patient's parents concerned about effect of this study on the patient's fertility - namely doxy eggs' potential ability to prohibit successful impregnation.
Test Time: 10th of August 1971 2:45 PM
Anticipated Results: 10th of October, 1971 - two month response time due to aging of potion
Result Date: 11th of October, 1971
Result: Infertile. Contact names listed below.
With shaking hands and a quivering lip, Messalina tore her eyes from the parchment to look at the looping signatures at the bottom of the document. She had to read it several times before she could absorb the information, but by the time she did her blood was boiling and she was sobbing uncontrollably.
Send test result copies via owl to:
Licorous Abraxas Lucien on behalf of Messalina Oksana Lucien, patient.
Orion Arcturus Black on behalf of Sirius Orion Black, patient's betrothed.
