Author's Note: I hope the formatting works well, I tried to make it easy to understand, but diary entries aren't a style I've tried before. Warnings for some swearing, and that's it. Written for the Fantasy February Prompt: Intergalactic Pirates.

This is a gift for QueenReedus! I hope you like it, friend!


Voyage: Day Thirteen

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. Esteemed Medical Associate, and current Head of Med-Bay on Starship: The Marauder, under Captain J.P and First Mate S.B. Identity Code 394. Voyage: pertaining to an unclassified illness three solar systems away, of which I will be assisting the assessment of disease and recovery of patients. First Entry.

The details are unimportant, but Potter has assigned me this device to record my (quote - charming little ideas, you suspicious bastard - end quote,) and detail the on-goings of the ship's inhabitants. I merely expressed an interest in the background of several crew-members. As much as it pains me to follow an order from Potter without more information, admittedly the Captain does not give out commands unless he deems them necessary. I trust him at least to make sensible choices as pertains to the ship's integrity.

(Pause.)

Barring the incident with the Inedible Loot, which he proceeded to treat as edible. We were not even intended to track down the loot, but a blip in the navigation system set us down on the wrong planet, and Captain Potter took advantage of the opportunity. I can praise him for his diligence, though I wish he had not displayed it so vigorously when it came to eating the Inedible Loot. It took a long time to disinfect the Med-Bay, and he was bed-bound under my care for a full week. He seemed very pleased about it.

(Pause.)

He seemed very pleased about the device too. It is possible that I have been integrated into a prank without my knowledge. I will conduct investigations with caution.


Voyage: Day Fifteen

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. Sirius discovered the device. Suffice to say his howling laughter fills me with little confidence. We dock soon on planet Diagon, and I will dispose of the device there.


Voyage: Day Sixteen

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. Diagon is hosting its annual sand-rider games. Entering into the race requires the use of two sand-rider ships, of which The Marauder is lacking. Suffice to say I was surprised when Sirius produced two out of thin air. His story is shaky at best.

(Pause.)

I do not know where he got the funds to secure these ships, especially since Mother cut him off, but Potter seems delighted. There must be a budget for vehicles. I will look into it.

(Pause.)

I am so far unable to dispose of the device, as Potter has seen fit to cling to me like a member of the Valadean Limpet species. If he begins to secrete suspicious substances from unseen glands, I will dispose of him instead of the device. He has called me a (quote - suspicious bastard - end quote) three times, at the last count, all very cheerfully, I might add. I suspect the number will climb. Diagon has three painfully bright suns, and his insufferable hair looks very fucking nice in the light.


Voyage: Day Sixteen: Late Entry

This is a diary, isn't it.


Voyage: Day Seventeen

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. Majority of the crew received superficial injuries from the sand-rider games. Evans and Potter were among the worst, having thrown themselves from the ships to win the game. I fail to see why the prize was so important, but the crew is in high spirits. I was dragged from my Med-Bay to tend to injuries and ensure that Potter did not drown in his Aster Mead.

(Pause.)

Potter seemed suspiciously happy to see me attend the festivities. Initial diagnostics ruled out a concussion, but I will bring him to the Med-Bay tomorrow morning for a further check-up.


Voyage: Day Eighteen

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. I have decided to keep the diary device. It is useful for recording medical details, and keeping a log of all the times Captain Potter has stumbled into my healing quarters due to his own stupidity. I will use the information to blackmail him into sitting down once in a while, and ignoring his mighty need to chase down danger.

(Muffled noises.)

No, it is not a compliment, Potter. Shut up. It is not wise to irritate someone holding a needle to your arm. If you don't sit still, I will conveniently forget the correct dosage.


Voyage: Day Twenty

I suspected that by day ten of our voyage through the stars, we might have seen some improvement in the overall capabilities of Captain Potter and my idiot brother. Unfortunately, it remains up in the air as to whether or not they realise how incredibly fucking stupid they are. Their latest glossy little plan is to delay our voyage and -

(Pause for muffled protests.)

- Do not interrupt me, Potter. It is a detour, apparently. They plan to make a detour and search for the Loot of a Starlit Sky. What? Yes, I am using the device. It was a gift, and it is rude not to use a gift.

(Pause for delighted noises.)

Do not coo at me, Potter. I am not a cat. No. Why would I allow you to listen to the records? You can sit there in your big-boy chair and suffer, not knowing what I have to say about you.


Voyage: Day Twenty-One

The Captain's efforts to cajole me into handing over my device are poorly conceived at best. I have caught him skulking in the shadows of the Med-Bay no less than seven times in the space of one day. I have issued a no-entrance order and programmed the doors to respond only to medical staff. It is very quiet without him yapping away in my ears, but at least I might get some work done.


Voyage: Day Twenty-One: Late Entry

Scratch Last Entry. Captain Potter has re-wired the hologram system to appear only in the Med-Bay, and has been following me around for the majority of the afternoon in a hideous shade of blue. He has also re-wired the speakers. Suffice to say a Captain's job is not so busy as one would suspect. I will consider this a reminder not to underestimate his eagerness to irritate me. I have not got any work done. I have tried to punch the hologram, and now I must put in a request to restock the bandages.


Voyage: Day Twenty-Three

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking. Sirius got wind of my request and barged into the Med-Bay, having stolen an intern's pass. It is - (pause) - touching to see his concern, but I will need to have him killed for trampling all over my latest experiment. I am growing Moonluster Herbs to see if I can combat the illness we have been sent to investigate on a further planetary system. That is the main reason for our voyage, after all. It is why I was hired. It begs the question of why this particular crew was sent to investigate this case, considering James's - (pause for horror) - Captain Potter's speciality lies in diplomatic matters, and battleship piloting. There was an incident a few moons back where he was suspended on suspicion of colluding with the Wolfkind Species, but that…

(Long pause for realisation.)

Medi-Healer Regulus Black signing off.


Voyage: Day Twenty-Three: Very Late Entry

This is a pirate ship, isn't it.


Voyage: Day Twenty-Four: Very Early Entry

I don't care if you were asleep. Medi-Healer Regulus Black, recording for posterity and proof of idiocy.

(Pause for offended whining.)

Subject in question is Captain James Potter. Topic in question is piracy - do not interrupt me, Potter. Explain our voyage to me.

(Pause for lengthy rambling.)

Let me see if I have this down correctly. You hired me as a Medical Associate to ensure none of you died while chasing down a ridiculous mythological treasure supposedly buried in the farthermost reaches of space.

(Muffled addition.)

You did not bother to inform me that none of this was sanctioned, and that we are effectively branded as pirates for life.

(Protests, indistinct but getting closer.)

Ah. You sent a log to the Ministry of Intergalactic Travel citing my ignorance, should I need to clear my name at any point. You're also very much in love with me, and you want to give me a quarter of the Loot once it has been obtained. Correct? Have I got everything? Good. Now that I know all the facts, I can begin the process of surgically removing your brain, since you clearly don't use it to its full capacity, and I - ah.

(Long pause.)

Ah. You mentioned… an emotion.

(Silence. Muffled laughter.)

I don't appreciate the amusement, Potter.

(Indistinct - "Well? I don't suppose you've got an emotion hidden away in there that you'd like to share, Esteemed Medical Associate, Regulus Black?" - Indistinct - "Couldn't quite hear that, Regulus. C'mon, share with the crew.")

I find you insufferable. I love you, I suppose. If that's what you want to call it.

(Very distinct - "Come here.")


Error Code - Remaining three hours of previous Entry are inaccessible. Code deleted by Medi-Healer Regulus Black, due to inappropriate nature.

(Code recovered by Captain James Potter and transferred to a Device Number 61405 for safe-keeping. Passcode for Entry Access: I solemnly swear I am up to no good.)


Voyage: Day Twenty-Five

Medi-Healer Regulus Black speaking.

(Clears throat.)

Now that the truth of the voyage has been revealed, there is no need to make such 'detours.' We have set a course directly towards the last known location of the Map to the Loot of the Starlit Sky. I have put in a pre-emptive request for a full restock of the Med-Bay. I suspect their idiocy will know no bounds now that there is no need to hide their intent for piracy.

(Pause for thought).

Piracy is not the life I envisioned for myself, but there is no need to abandon my past pursuits or medical high-ground. I can pursue both. Perhaps embracing the life of piracy will allow me to better control the foolish, life-threatening actions of my brother, crewmates, and … partner.

(Pause for a dubious sigh.)

As this is a diary, it seems only fair to use it to record … emotions. And such. However, I find that detestable, so I shall use it to keep track of James's most insufferable tendencies instead. The first being his hair: it is ridiculous that it can look so messy and fucking shiny and yet it feels soft when I run my fingers through it. Disgusting. Second on the list is his absurdly tight uniform. It has no business being that form-fitting. Third is the…

(Entry Length 01:23:65. Continue?)