Star v.s. the forces of Disenchantment

I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!

...III...

ANNOUNCEMENT!

I'M GETTING A BOOK PUBLISHED!

SUMMARY:
On the 13th day of the 13th month of the 13th year...magic will return to the world...and the streets will run red with the blood of the (semi)innocent...unless the world is saved by the most unlikely of hero's...baking cupcakes?!

The title is '13/13/13' and it'll be coming to a bookstore or E-Book site near you! Xilbris is the publisher, also available at Amazon, Inkitt and BarnesandNoble.

...III...

...Responses...

There are tales of wonder, magic, and heroism!

Of hero, villains, and epic quests!

This is not one of those stories...

Welcome to Dreamland...

I know it looks like a wretched hive of scum and villainy...a festering sore of plague, poverty, ignorance on the armpit of everything that is rotten in humanity!

...and you are completely right!

...(awkward cough)...

ANNNNYWAY...

Let's move on to the...for lack of a better term...'hero's' of this little tale...

...

Princess Tiabeanie Mariabeanie de la Rochambeaux Grunkwitz(AKA Bean)

She's stabbing a guy in the face for trying to cheat her at cards...

...

Oh, my! Uh, let's move to someone else...

...

"Hi. I'm Elfo!" Said Elfo as he stabs in Ogre in his last good eye...

...

Yikes! That's worse!

...

I decree that everyone with a medical license is to be executed! Tell me I'm too fat, will yah!" Shouts King Zog.

...

Okay, that's it. I'm out of here! I quit! This world is clearly a lost cause!

...

A shame that the narrator left when he did...he might've liked what happened next...

...

"Give me my coin you buck-toothed bitch!" Screamed a man as he tried to tackle Bean.

STAY AWAY FROM MY BIG SIS!

Years of ingrained instinct to hit the dirt was what saved Bean-

...

Prime minister Odval looked around the square, "Where is that girl? We don't have time for this nonsense..."

BOOM!

Odval doesn't even bother to turn around as small pieces of ash and rubble fall on him, he just lets out a long, deep sigh...

"Star blew up another bar." Pointed out Trubish.

"Yes, I got that..." Said Odval as he pinched the bridge of his nose irritably. He turns around, not surprised at all to see a building blown to bits...

"I swear it wasn't me!" Said Bean on the ground.

Her younger half-sister Star Butterfly Grunkwitz hangs her head in shame, "It was me, I'm sorry..."

Odval sighed as he once more pinched the bridge of his nose, "Send us the bill." He said to the dumbstruck and devastated innkeeper in a rather rehearsed and monotone manner.

He then turns to Bean. "Right, I hope you had your fun your majesty...but now it's time to get married..."

...

"I really don't like it when you do this to her." Said Star as she walks along the Royal Litter where Bean has been tied to.

"She brought this on herself." Said Odval unapologetic.

"Hey, Princess! Sorry I can't be at your wedding!" Shouts a guy in the Stockade. "Want to trade places?! Asked Bean seriously. "Nah, I'm good." Said the man.

When no one was looking, Star let the man free after he promised not to do 'it' again...

"I did good." Says Star to herself as she whistles along...not seeing the man she just freed stab someone and take their purse...

As they passed by the Apothecary a plague doctor steps forth. "Hey Princess! Want to buy some new elixirs! Top quality stuff!"

"No thanks, I'm kinda hoping to get fatally ill." Admitted Bean.

Star bounces up to the doctor, "Actually, there's a huge out-break of plague down the street. You could-

"Those bums don't have a copper to their names! I'm not a charity princess!" Replied the Doctor coldly as he began to turn around to get back to his shop-

ZAP!

Suddenly all the elixirs vanished from his store and appeared right in the hands of the plague victims...

"Thanks Princess!" They shouted!

"Your welcome!" Shouts Star as she skips merrily back the direction her sister was going.

...and thus completely missed when the plague victims realized there wasn't enough for all of them and began to fight over the lot...which lead to a riot...and a fire...and another riot that was also on fire...

Odval however DID see this...he promptly just shook his head despondently, quickly helped himself to his private flask and threw a large bag of gold to the pissed off Plague doctor as he strolled after the two adolescent royals...

...

Star cringed at the sight of all the heads on pikes...especially the head of a green bird monster...

"Did you have to do that to Ludo and his goons? I mean; they were more comical then a real threat, so couldn't you have just-

"Just what? Just let them keep attacking you- a member of the royal family- every week so you can have your sport and hilarious hi-jinx? That's all well and good for minstrel tails and children's ballads but this is REAL LIFE Princess." Interrupted Odval flatly as they all walked across the drawbridge. "Be thankful we spared that ONE But-frog-

"His name is Buff frog!" "Whatever."

Odval then glares at Star, "While were on the subject; your majesty you really must get your act together. For all of your sister Bean's many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many-

"Yeah, okay." Said Bean annoyed from under the litter.

-many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many-

"I think she gets it!" Snapped Bean.

-many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many-

"Give it a rest!"

-many, many, many, many, many, MANY faults. At least we don't need to worry about her in regards to taking care of herself. You my dear, to put it bluntly are the type of Naive fool that the degenerate and the weird prey upon...The whole 'innocent, child-like, love the world naivete was...'cute' when you were a child. But your becoming a woman, more importantly a woman that represents her family and a NATION. It's time you grow up and face the worls as it IS, now how you WISH it was. " Said Odval sternly.

"I can't believe I'm saying this...but Odval's right Star. Your a sweet girl...but the world chews up and spits 'sweet' out like it's made of crap...I really worry about you sometimes..." Said Bean concerned.

Star just hung her head hurt that everyone thought that of her that way as they entered the castle...

...

King Zog glared at the wedding cake annoyed. "This one needs royaling up. More frosting! More columns! None of the figures on top look like ME! Make both of them look like me then get ride of one!"

"King Zog, we must speak at once!"

Zog groaned, even without turning around he knew that voice anywhere...

"What is it this time Arch-Druidess?" He asked rolling his eyes.

"Your daughter's gone too far this time! She interrupted my sermon, defaced our great golden idol of God and caused a small riot!"

Zog groaned, Star had been causing an uproar ever since he'd brought her back to dreamland...

After his first wife Dagmar...'left'...he was distraught...he turned to a booze cruise to comfort...it sank at sea...many months later he came back on a rickity raft carrying Star and calling her his daughter...he never told anyone who the mother was or where she came from...

And then the revelation of her being 'magic' caused another uproar...needless to say Zog had to repeal the law condemning witchcraft VERY quickly.

This angered a lot of people...mostly the people who relied on that law to get ride of troublemakers, freethinkers or people they just didn't like...

Fortunately, Zog just replaced it with a law that condemned MIMES, and that MOSTLY satisfied everyone...

In any case...Star's magic seemed fairly random...mostly it just acted on her desire to help people...or just blew stuff up...or set things on fire...

...the last 14 years had been VERY long indeed...

And he had a feeling that today would only be longer...

Bean and Star was brought in. "Ugh. Cakes. Did you make sure to add extra frosting?" Asked Bean with a scoff. "Hi daddy!" Shouts Star excited.

"Hey, sweetie how are you? Yeah, the cake was...HEY! Where were you?"

Bean rolled her eyes, "Just trying to have some fun before the 'happiest day of my life.'" She said sarcastically.

"And I was there as a supporting brides maid...also designated driver!" Said Star happily.

"Oh, I understand, my wedding day,I also had butterflies in stomach...I shouldn't have eaten so many." Said Zog's wife Oona.

"All of you Shut up!" Snaps the Arch-Druidess angrily. "Can we please get back to your heathen daughters desecration of my sermon!"

"Wha- oh, right. Star, sweetie. you know what she's gabbing about?" Asked Zog.

"I...wait, are you talking about that sermon from earlier this morning? I thought you'd be happy about that. You were praying for the poor...and you had a giant gold statue...so why not just break down the gold and give the gold to the poor? Cut out the middle man?"

Zog groaned as the Arch-Druidess screamed. "Blaspheme! How dare you drag logic into God's house!?"

"Wait...why is that a bad thing?" Asked Star confused.

"SHUT UP! THAT'S WHY!" Snapped the Arch-Druidess.

"Okay, Odval. Why don't you go talk to the Arch-Druidess about compensating her losses." Interrupted Zog before things could escalate.

Odval quickly complied...

Zog sighed as she left, "Star, you gotta stop pissing off the church. Their some of the few people I can't just decapitate! I do that, next thing you know we'll get a crusade shoved up our asses!"

He glares at Bean, "Bean I don't have time for my usual 'your a disgraceful, ungrateful bum' speech! The delegation from Bentwood arrives any moment! Take off those common clothes and come down looking like a princess!

Bean smirks, "As you wish, Father." She quickly takes off her shirt and goes topless in front of everyone. Star sighs as she goes to reluctantly do likewise-

"No! Star! Sweetie! You don't have to do that! That's not what I meant!" Pleaded Zog to a now relieved Star.

Bean just smiles and walks out of the room-

"And Anybody that looks at her, they get their head chopped off!" Shouts Zog as everyone quickly covers their eyes.

Bean walks out the door and past a guy who was coming in.

"Oh, boy, did I look at her!" He then notices everyone covering their eyes. "What?"

Star quickly turns to a now enraged Zog, "Uh, father? I doubt he heard your order, so maybe a little mercy wouldn't be-

...5 seconds later...

"Sorry." Said Star sadly as the man was put on the executioner block. As the axe swings down, the man quickly shouted:

"That's-okay-I-aprecitate-the-effort-that's-the-nicest-thing-anyone's-ever-done-for-me-thank-y-

CHOP!

...

TO BE CONTINUED?

AN: Want me to continue this? I'm willing to take Bribes! Go to my P,a,t,r,e,o,n account!

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