A/N Here's a little angst for your Monday morning!
Rey looked at the group of beings sitting in front of her. Several humans and a handful of aliens, both children and adults, looked at her expectantly. She knew most of the adults were aware of what she was about to say, but she was already dreading the reaction she was sure to get from the children.
"Some of you know I've been thinking about this for a while, so this won't come as a shock, but I have decided to close the school temporarily." She saw, and felt, the dismay that emanated from her students. Some of the adults nodded; she had talked with most of them in private earlier. "It's only temporary," she reiterated, trying to soothe the children. "With all the uncertainty in the galaxy right now thanks to the Traagmol, I know many of you are worried about your home worlds and the rest of your families." She touched her belly with one hand. "And with my baby due soon, I decided it was just best to stop teaching for a while. I promise that as soon as things settle with the Traagmol and the baby has arrived, I'll recall everyone." She smiled as she saw a few tears among her young charges. "You are all welcome to stay here on Yavin IV for the time being." So far, the Traagmol had shown no interest in the gas giant's moon; their interest lay in Naboo and other planets that held known New Republic bases. "If you do go off-world, please leave information on how I can contact you when the time comes to re-open."
The adults nodded, but Talia and Isaias, her strongest students, still looked devastated. "Also know that if you stay, you are more than welcome to come to me with any questions at any time. I will still be here to help you; I just won't be doing any formal training for a while." She wasn't about to abandon those that needed her most. She answered a few questions from her students, trying to give them as much support and comfort as possible. This had not been an easy decision for her, but with her lack of decent sleep, her concentration and patience had diminished. It had been over a month now since Poe had left, and she felt she had not been herself since. It didn't help that she rarely talked to him, and every comm they had seemed shorter than the last, with neither of them seeming to want to say much. Rey knew on her end it was to keep him from worrying, and she suspected it was the same for him.
As the group dispersed, Rey turned to Finn. Temiri and Rose headed off for the mess hall, with Rose giving Finn a nod. Apparently, they had already discussed something and now Finn was responsible for letting Rey know. She sighed. "What?" she asked a bit sharply.
"What's the real reason?" Finn asked. "I know what you're telling everyone is a good story, but I don't buy it."
Rey clenched her teeth. "I'd be taking time off after the baby's born anyway," she said. "What's a few more weeks?"
"You didn't answer my question." Finn folded his arms and glared at her.
She mirrored him, glaring right back. "Why do you think there's any other reason than what I said?"
"Because I know you," Finn told her softly. "Probably better than anyone currently on this moon." He frowned. "You've changed, Rey. And it's scaring me."
Rey stared at him for a while, and she felt tears sting her eyes. She bit her lip. "If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else? Especially Poe?"
Finn opened his mouth to say something, then stopped. He took a deep breath. "As much as I want to say that I will not keep things from him, I can't say no to you. Especially when I feel like you need to tell someone, and you won't if I don't agree with your request."
Rey hesitated, glancing around to make sure no one else was near. "I've been having bad dreams for the last several weeks," she told him softly. "I won't go into them as they're too personal, but they started before the Traagmol invaded and they've been consuming my every thought since then."
"And you didn't tell Poe?" The question was rhetorical, as she wouldn't have asked him not to tell Poe if he already knew. "Why? I thought you guys could read each other's thoughts, now?"
Rey shook her head. "If I project my thoughts to him, he can read them, but he can't do it himself, and I refused to let him see these dreams."
"They're that bad, huh?"
Rey nodded. "I can't find what's causing them," she whispered. "I don't feel a dark side influence, but it has to be. There is no way they can be coming from me." She closed her eyes and shuddered. "Or maybe they are. Maybe what happened to me on Kolbe unlocked some kind of dark side reservoir that was left in me from Exegol and it really is my own demented psyche tormenting me."
Finn gave her a frown and shook his head. "Don't you think I would feel something like that?" he asked. "We've been connected for longer than you and Poe have been, and I can read you pretty well. You're still a bright, white glow when I see you in the Force. No shadow. No darkness."
Rey gave him a grateful glance, but it was still troubled.
"Maybe you should let me in while you're dreaming…"
"No!" Rey told him. She shook her head vehemently. "Nobody needs to see the things I'm seeing," she whispered.
"Somebody needs to," Finn challenged. "If you can't fix it yourself, you need to let someone help!"
"There is no one else, Finn. Don't you understand?" She shook her head slightly and grimaced. "It's just me."
Finn was silent for a while. "What about your 'friends'?" he asked. "You know? The ones who helped you on Exegol?" Rey had never gone into full detail of her experience defeating the Emperor on Exegol, but she had told them she had felt the presence of other Jedi that day, had heard their voices supporting and encouraging her. Finn also knew she had communed with both Leia and Ben Solo since.
"I tried," she whispered. "I haven't gotten any response." She shrugged. "They come when they want, not when I want." Her voice was soft. Sad.
Finn licked his lips. "I still think you should tell Poe. You have a connection that seems to go beyond the Force."
Not anymore, Rey thought, but didn't say it out loud. And she made sure Finn hadn't 'heard' her, either. It was true, but she couldn't admit it to anyone. She had not felt her husband's presence for at least two weeks now. Though she wasn't quite practiced enough to communicate with him over the great distance between Naboo and Yavin, she had always been able to find him in the Force whenever she searched for him. The day she realized she couldn't she had panicked and commed the Organa during what had been their night cycle. The Sargent on duty had immediately contacted Poe, fearing an emergency, and Poe had answered, a panicked look on his own exhausted face. She hadn't had the heart to tell him why she had commed. She had simply said that she had forgotten the time difference and had just needed to see his face. He had smiled, but she could see irritation in his expression, too. He had asked about the baby and Shaina, then his father, then she had let him go back to bed. It wasn't until afterwards she realized he hadn't asked about her own well-being.
"I can't tell Poe about this with all that's going on right now," she told Finn firmly. "He's stressed and not sleeping well; I could tell from our last comm. He doesn't need to add my burdens on top of his own."
Finn shook his head. "I think you're wrong," he told her softly. "Taking care of you is part of who he is. You just rarely let him do it."
Maybe that's why she felt like she was losing him, Rey thought. He had finally given up on her and had gone back to taking care of those who appreciated it.
Where had that thought come from? Rey was not one to wallow in self-pity, and that's exactly what a thought like that was! She wasn't losing him. He was just… doing what he had to do. What he was good at. He would be back soon, and things would get back to normal. She had to believe that.
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