"Ok Wheatley, you can do this. Just follow the instructions, and nothing will explode."
It was Thanksgiving again, and Chell had wisely assigned Wheatley the least difficult dish in Thanksgiving history: cranberry sauce from a can. She had even provided him with a list of steps.
Step 1: Open the can.
"Right," Wheatley said to himself. "Opening cans, you need a can opener for that-there it is. Now how do I..?"
After 5 minutes of wrestling the can opener onto the can and 10 minutes of trying to get it to move, it occurred to Wheatley to check the instructions again. Open the can...from the bottom.
"Oh."
Step 2: Slice the jelly into circle shaped pieces and use the cookie cutter to cut them into fun shapes
Once the lid was finally loose, Wheatley tipped the can over and, after shaking and spoon-prying the sauce out in weirdly shaped clumps (In a rare moment of oversight, Chell had neglected to mention the "trace a knife around the inner rim" trick), Wheatley decided to skip step 2.
Step : Serve.
Despite some confusion over the smudged number, Wheatley took the tray of cranberry sauce out to the table. It wasn't until he was back in the Otten's kitchen that he realized the tip of his right ring finger was red.
Blood red.
Abruptly, Wheatley remembered that, for over a century, his body had been in a suspension tank with Aperture brand vitreous fluid pumping around and through him. Words he had heard in Aperture like Biohazardous material and Untested for human consumption swirled in his head, adding up to one inescapable conclusion: His blood should not be eaten.
Sophie was... pleasantly surprised at the food quality. True, she couldn't think of any way to ruin canned cranberry sauce, but that didn't mean her father couldn't manage it. This time though, apart from being a little sloppy, she couldn't see anything wrong with-
"Waaaait!" Wheatley burst into the room like a train wreck on two legs, quickly gathering up all the cranberry sauce and dumping it in the sink. "Don'teatthesauceIcutmyselfit'sgotbloodinit!"
Then, a thought coming into his head, he stuck a red stained finger in his mouth. "Oh...it's uh, cranberry juice. You…. wouldn't happen to have another can of that stuff would you?"
