Sophie closed her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. She could feel the nanites buzzing in the back of her head, no doubt trying to warn her that she was overheating again. She did her best to tell them to shut up.

"Alright, let's go over this one last time." she said to herself, "It's almost Valentine's Day. I have 10 dollars and 36 cents that I am going to use to buy a gift for Jay, and then, on Valentine's Day, I am going to...to-"

Heart palpitations detected

"Shut up!"

Steeling herself, Sophie walked through the door of Eaden General. It wasn't until she was inside that it occurred to her: She had no idea what Jay might want. Frantically, she ran through every (short) interaction they'd had, trying to remember if he'd mentioned any hobbies.

"This wouldn't be a problem if I could just ask him about his interests, but no! I can't seem to talk to him like a normal person!"

Dimly, Sophie walked over to a shelf filled with small sports equipment. On display in the middle was a baseball glove listed at five dollars.

"He likes baseball, right? That's a thing that tall kids do. Am I getting any taller? I need to get taller if I'm going to ki-no! Do not think about that right now!" Sophie chastised herself, "The last thing my nerves need is the thought of kissing-"

"Well if it isn't my favorite part-time bagger!" Aaron called as the door opened.

"I'm literally your only bagger. Oh, hey Sophie!"

Sophie jolted as though she had been shocked. The baseball glove slipped from her fingers, and with a strange mix of Chell's razor reflexes and Wheatley's fumbling, she nabbed it as though it would shatter on the floor.

"Play it casual!"

"H-hi Jay, watchya doin'?"

"Not that casual!"

"I'm just checking into work." Jay glanced at the glove. "So, baseball, huh? I didn't know you played."

"Pfft, yeah! I'm so into...just….wow. Sports, y'know?"

"Curse you, dad's genes. Curse you."

"That's cool."

"You're cool! HAHAHhaha...heh. So…." Sophie pushed past the awkwardness clobbering her over the head. "Maybe we could...play together some time?"

"I don't...play baseball."

It was times like these that Sophie wondered if there was a higher power out there, an audience that found her suffering funny. She also wondered if there was a record for hardest mental facepalm, because she was pretty sure she'd broken it.

"Oh, yeah. Me neither. But I've been...meaning to learn."

Twice.

"So, what are you into?" Jay asked, evidently ignoring the train wreck that was all of Sophie's sentences so far.

"I uh, like music…" Not a lie. Her mom had a beautiful voice.

"Me too! I've had my eye on that beauty for a week." Jay gestured to a guitar on the wall behind Aaron's counter. 'Price negotiable,' the tag read, 'valued at 200 dollars'

"Of course."

"Yeah, you could play some great songs for m-I mean Sally with that thing."

"Why? Why did I say that?"

"Sally?"

"Sally Vance." Sophie replied, confused. "Aren't you….dating?"

"Dating?" Jay laughed abruptly. "She showed up last year with this massive Valentine and wouldn't take no for an answer. She went on and on about how excited her dad was that she'd gotten a date. I think she was threatening me." He lowered his voice to a mock whisper. "Her dad is terrifying!"

Jay kept talking, but Sophie couldn't hear anything over the victory music playing in her head. Somewhere in the middle of the confetti cannons, Jay's voice came back to her. "...treat you like some sorta criminal. I mean, I've never killed anyone, have you?"

"That depends, do looks actually kill?" Sophie glared playfully, making sure to keep her irises off. "My fists gave Sally a nosebleed once."

"Wow, stronger than you look!"

"You have no idea."

"Hey Jay!" Aaron called. "Keep stalling and I may have to rescind that 'favorite bagger' title!"

"I better get to work." Jay said, before picking up the baseball glove and dropping it into Sophie's arms. "And if you wanna learn to play baseball, you're gonna need a glove. It's on me."

As soon as Jay was out of earshot, Sophie made a sound she didn't think she was physically capable of.

"Hey dad?" Sophie said as she walked through the door, prized new baseball mitt on her hand. "Could you help me learn to catch?"

"My daughter? throwing around an innocent ball? I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you."

Happy Valentine's Day! As a tribute to hopelessly crushing teens everywhere, I've hidden references to two fictional lovesick disasters. Find them both and I'll send you a virtual baseball!