Losing her
Chrom wakes up alone again, it is his routine now but it doesn't stop his heart squeezing painfully as it reminds him again of his grief from last 8 years. His wife is dead, he is still a king, a single father to three children and grandfather to one granddaughter. His body, as usual, feels sluggish as he slowly gets up and starts his usual morning routine. Today he is heading out with his family.
Today is the first of the month. Since one day three years back he had finally consciously accepted the death of Robin and only started heading out to find her on the first of each month. It was something his family desperately needed to stabilise their family bonds, and he had made the choice because at least his family lives while his wife is dead. He chose but even now his eyes are dead and so is his soul. He works every day and spends time with his family but every day he goes to an empty bed and wakes up to an empty bed, with an empty heart. He feels dead and yet lives because he has a promise to fulfil and he shall do that no matter what.
He sighs as he opens the closet and changes to his daywear, today they are heading to the place they both had first met, on his little daughter's request. His elder daughter too happily agreed because she was starting to need a very much needed break from her caring duties of a newborn, he chuckled slightly he remembers how hard it was for him to take care of baby Lucina all those years back. 8 years his mind reminds him painfully as he moves on and hopes that Lucy won't ask too many questions about there love life. He is ready for it though since Lucina had already shown him how curious she can be, 5 years of stubbornness and she finally heard the whole story.
'No wonder you didn't want to tell me.' She silently shook her head in embarrassment and expiration.
'Hahahaha!Oh my god! Dad that is so wild' There son laughed openly, 'You guys are the best!'
He chuckles, "When she hears it I wonder if her reaction will be the same as Lucina's?" he whispers to Robin who is definitely watching over them. He believes in at least that now. He had laughed and they all had laughed, he smiled and looked up, he silently apologised to her knowing she didn't want her children to know such an embarrassing story but he couldn't help himself.
He heard a knock resound in the silence and sighed putting on his clothes as he asks Frederick to come in. The knight is old now, a man well in his late 30s now but that didn't diminish his loyalty to him at all. Somedays that helped him to be stronger, to remembers who they had fought for all those years ago, for his people. Frederick bows in greeting,
"Good morning milord."
He nods, "Are the girls up?"
He straightens up as he nods, "Yes they are getting ready as we speak."
Chrom straightens his jacket and turns to him with a hollow smile he nods. "I will be there in 15 mins. Prepare to leave."
Frederick bows again as he heads his order and takes his leave. Chrom turns to the mirror and apologises to Robin again to look so dead. He never wished to worry there loved ones but no matter how much time passes it seems his heart is just not ready to heal. It seems time doesn't heal all wounds after all.
A bright light envelopes the room.
He feels light and whiteness is filled around him, he gasps and tries to move but it's like he is floating because he can't move his limbs the way he wants. He curses himself to let his guard down, it has been peaceful but that doesn't mean there won't be any attacks. He is worried about his family, he won't forgive anyone if they laid a hand on them, he hopes Frederick and others are keeping them safe.
He sees a bright light on the end of the tunnel and squints, wondering what kind of magic is this. And a second later he feels solid ground again and stumbles a bit as he straightens and glares at four figures in front of him, his hand flying to his sword. He gasps when he notices the person in the centre, he eerily reminded him fo his wife and that made his heart thunder and he scolds himself to focus. They put their hands up, in surrender as he smiles at him and he suddenly feels calmer, that smile also felt nostalgic.
"Please calm down Chrom we don't mean any harm." He says, in a slightly soothing voice and he relaxes without thinking.
"What business do you have with me a stranger?" He asks and tries to rack his brain to remember if he ever meets these people.
"We called you here, in this world to help us. Our kingdom is at war with our neighbouring kingdoms and needs your help to protect our people." The man says, and Chrom has to stare at them in silence for two minutes, in disbelief. Because that was quite a lot to take in but the fact he didn't see it all crazy was more disbelieving. Why was he accepting all at face value, Robin had thought him better than that. To be always doubtful and cautious and yet he just can't feel that, his doubts melt more he stares at that person and he finally sighs.
"I do not how long I can help you stranger but till I am here I will use my sword to protect you." He answers.
They smile wide, as they bob their head happy as they thank him and then beckon him. He notices his surroundings, he was standing an altar of a sort in the middle of a forest. They start heading to the castle that loomed in the distance and he silently followed as they all introduced themselves and he talks to them, asking all sorts of questions. He learns a bit about Askr, about there conflicts, and how they able to summon heroes from different worlds. He sorely wonders why he is so accepting of all this strangeness but it doesn't feel weird to him and he feels worried for these people and the conflict they have. He guesses he feels empathic towards them, they have gone through quite a lot from what he has heard. From war to war seems hard, even they had time to prepare for wars they had to face and even that time had felt short as they entered the battles one after and the casualties kept increasing.
He asks where they are taking him and they tell him to the great hall to introduce him to everyone and help him find some friends so he can settle right in. He doesn't even imagine the shock that would wait for him there as he follows them happily. Everything had started great, he met some heroes even some truly great ones like Marth (which still shocks him because it feels so surreal to see him) and the others one he has never heard of like Prince Xander from Nohr. He greets them all befitting his status and moves as he is taken to the table for his world it seems, and the first one he sees is Lucina talking to a man that eerily resembles his wife, she looks far younger than his daughter though but he all but smiles as he goes up to her and takes her in his arms. She makes a surprised noise but then melts as usual and beams wide as she welcomes him and he smiles back too. He realises she is not 'his' daughter but he doesn't care as she explains him all kinds of things animatedly and he listens eagerly.
She looks so happy and he is truly happy for her.
And then his eyes catch her and he freezes, he stops breathing and doesn't blink because he feels if he blinks once she will disappear again, never to appear again just like that day. Lucina notices as she asks him something but he is staring and everyone notices his silence as she turns and smiles and his heart stops. She is walking close to him, and he has gone numb. His mind is screaming and yet silent at the same time. It has been so long since he saw her smile since he heard her. It has been 8 years since his wife died and he has wished his every living second that she would somehow come back to him by some miracle. And now she is standing in front of him and he realises how much truly strong his grief was, it was nothing like when he lost Emm. He had half died alongside Robin that day and today he can feel that loss all too strongly.
He moves on his own as he tries to hold her because he can't lose her again, never again. He doesn't want to lose her, he doesn't want her to disappear again from his life, leaving him all alone again and unable to even breathe without her. He wants his wife back. He hugs her tightly as he wills his tears away, he can't be crying like a two-year-old, she would be ashamed. And everything feels so right but then she freezes, and he understands.
He understands in the depths of his soul and it breaks again as he moves and stares at this stranger who is his wife and is not at the same time. She looks worried as she stares at him and he has to close his eyes because he just wants to ignore it all and just stay with her in his arms but he knows, he knows her so well that he can't ignore her confusion and cluelessness. He takes a step back, trying to put some distance least he hugs the woman again and won't leave her this time. She is staring, they all are staring and he knows they must be thinking he is so strange, but his throat is closed and he can't form words to explain his action, to explain his feelings. He just wants to scream, at someone, at her.
Why did she have to be selfless?
"Chrom?" She asks and he screws his eyes tighter because of her voice, he hasn't heard that voice in 8 years and he hasn't heard it call his name for 8 years.
"Chrom what is wrong?" He hears Lissa ask and finally opens his eyes at his very young sister and it jolts him out of his feelings and into reality as he takes everyone in and when he turns to the right he sees his face staring right back at him in concern, a very young him, wearing a very ridiculous outfit which he vaguely recalls Lissa and Robin forcing him to wear when they were younger. That wakes him up as he looks around and then turns to his daughter because they are far too many things going on and he doesn't know what to focus on. (He is secretly glad though that he can take his focus away from Robin).
She understands as she takes his hand in and squeezes in reassurance as she smiles and says, "Father I will explain everything to you by order, but you seem very pale maybe you should rest first?" She glances at the summoner as she suggests this and he nods.
He shakes his head as he clears his throat, he needs answers first before he can think of anything else "No, can you explain to me, Lucina?"
She stares worriedly but nods, "Father, um as you see they are some of us that are quite young because it is possible to summon heroes from different timelines, just like how I jumped timelines and came to yours in our world." She turns to the other Chrom and gestures, "It is also possible to summon the same hero again and again, sometimes wearing unique clothes." She says as she looks away and he feels tired, so tired. He wonders if there is more than one Robin here, it would be very well possible. She was such a strong person, there is no way the people here didn't need her again and again. He doesn't confirm it though, if he sees two of her then he will probably lose his mind.
He doesn't even think when he turns to the summoner and says, "I wish to go back," He needs to go back and take Lucy and Lucina to the picnic, Lucy wanted to know about there Pelgian war stories now and Lucina wanted to have a bit of break from her child duties since she has had to stay in the castle since childbirth and is starting to get frustrated and tired. He wanted to give them both some fresh air and a fun day so he needs to go back. Back to his real family and his reality where his wife is dead and he has three children.
Summoner looks taken back as he stares between all of them and looks worried, walking up to him to talk but Robin beats him as she moves and he has to turn away to avoid looking at her. She is frowning he can just say, as she folds her hands in that irritated way of hers and asks him,
"Chrom what is wrong? Did something happen, I know it is too much to take in but you should calm down and understand." She says but he ignores as he stares at everyone else.
It's jarring to see there younger selves but he would rather stare at him wearing that ridiculous outfit that meets her eyes again. She probably noticed because she moved further closer and he can hear her huff as she tries to glare at him to comply but nope he is still stubbornly staring at the other Chrom who is also starting to get concerned. He knows he is acting crazy but he will lose his mind if he stays here where she is.
"Chrom, it seems something is wrong. If you can tell us then maybe we can fix it." The summoner says and that feeling is there again, this unnatural compelling attraction he has toward this person.
It feels weird but it doesn't take his stubbornness away as he turns to him and shakes his head. He can't say it right now, too much will come out and this Robin doesn't need to listen to his messed up feelings of 8 years of grief. He has just so much and if he speaks to her it all will come out. But she seems to be testing his patience as she asks again and he almost feels his youthful anger come back as he almost screams at her because goddamn it. He had to live 8 years without her and has to live so many more without her at all because she couldn't be selfish, because she couldn't be selfish for him. He almost breaks, but the strange man walks up and smiles at him as he intercepts and pulls her back,
"He looks quite tired, maybe we should let him rest up first?" He asks everyone and him.
"True, this all is quite too much to take in, you should calm down and think again?" The summoner asks and he sighs, well they did need him and he doesn't like turning someone who needs help away. He nods and the summoner seems happy, he turns to the man and his daughter,
"Why don't you both take him to the back rooms, some of them have been cleaned for the new heroes." He says, and he is glad that he chose them. They probably have realised he is avoiding her, he would never act like this or else.
They nod as they smile at him and beckon and he follows them without looking back, he knows she is frowning, worried scared and overthinking. In the past, he would rush back to reassure her but right now he wanted to put as much as distance as he can between them. They walk down some long-winded paths and he finally finds the mind to ask who the man is, he doesn't seem a stranger at all.
He scratches his cheek as Lucina explains, "Father um - I know this will sound shocking but this is Robin from my world." He freezes as he stares hard and the man looks away, that is impossible. Sure, he looks quite like her that he can almost mistake him for her sibling or so but there is no ways Robin was a man. That is impossible, but Lucian doesn't joke and he knows Robin didn't have any family beside them (Validar doesn't count). He stares far too hard and he sighs,
"I know it is too much to take in but trust me Chrom it is real, it must be the numerous timelines that have been created in our world. Sometimes we change genders in some timelines and considering your actions, I am a woman in your timeline." He states and Chrom feels light-headed, he has so many questions that he doesn't even know where to start. As if reading him he puts a hand up,
"Don't ask, it is better off if you didn't know, it is better to know as little as we can about our different timelines, we all maintain that policy." He sighs gladly. He thinks any more nonsense and he will go insane. They start walking again.
This time Lucina is the one who asks, "Father if I may, what happened in the hall back then, you were acting quite different?" She is worried obviously and he sighs, he doesn't know how to answer that. The silence stretches and he feels guilty and Robin sighs as he stares at him, it is bit unnerving how he can read him as well as his wife could. Truly unnerving and he hopes he doesn't have to experience it too much.
"Did something happened between you and your Robin?" He asks and he thinks how loaded that question that is. He knows he should say something though, others will ask the same thing tomorrow too and rather than her he would tell these two. One he doesn't know, and the other is his daughter.
"I am sure it is obvious but I am quite older compared to you all." They both nod, "To be precise it has been 8 years since we have killed Grima," They both gasp as they share among each other a look and he feels his head fall as the dreaded words come out, "And it has been 8 years since Robin died." Everyone freezes and he feels like crying, he has never put them to words, the cold truth. But now that they have come out he realises his reality, he is a widowed man with three children and a kingdom to rule.
They gasp as they look at each other and back at him and he smiles deprecatingly, the same forced smile he gives his family because he can't keep making them worry, "I am fine, it has been 8 years now I have moved on."
"But father-"
"No it is quite alright I had to move on, I have three children and a kingdom to look after. I cant always keep grieving." They look so pained as they take him in again and they look like they want to say something but they hold themselves back, he understands there concern but he has been hearing those same words so many times that he just wants everyone to stop. He knows, he knows the truth and he has accepted it so he doesn't need everyone saying him, again and again, the same thing.
They stare at him pitifully as they look conflicted but he cuts through it and asks again, "So where is this room where I can rest?" He asks, Lucina sighs as she turns and starts walking again as she shares a last glance with the other man. They walk him to the room, give him a rundown of basic rules, and then they are out.
He carefully puts his sword away before he sits down on the bed and puts his head in his hands groaning slightly. Today was not supposed to go like this, today was supposed to be a happy outing with his daughters, not this. Not seeing the young version of his dead wife glaring at him, as he tries hard to pretend that she is not his wife. As he tries to hold himself together so he doesn't do anything foolish. He silently screams in his hands as he begs to Naga,
'I don't want to see her.'
Lucina and Robin walk back to the main room and the other Robin is immediately upon them and he gets why she is so worried. Chrom acted far too weird for all of them, and now he knows the reason why. He tries to placate her as he tells her everything he has learned from Chrom and her face turns aghast as she realises, her eyes burning as she looks away and he doesn't say anything. She excuses herself and takes her leave as he watches her go and looks towards her children who share the same pained look as they take there leave too. Summoner turns to him as he thanks them both for helping him and excuses himself to do his work. The two of them share a look and let it go, they can't do anything for them. They were from vastly different worlds.
The girl who has not died yet walks down the long path to the outer gardens to get some fresh air and put some distance between them so she doesn't run back and say him something that will hurt him again. She had seen his face, she had seen how truly pained he looked. She felt how desperately he was holding on to her. She felt his grief but she can't understand it because she is still a freshly married woman who is happily living alongside her husband, very much alive. She has heard about the fate that awaits them since she has come here people have told her everything about her future, her past and her choice. She knows it that the choice she makes, the choice she will eventually make will not change.
She won't regret it, she won't change it but she wants him to be happy. She doesn't want to break him, she had been there when he lost Emmeryn, she had been there to hold him when the weight of the crown was too much and he desperately needed a rest. Who is holding him now, when she is no longer there? She knows, she believes that he will never love another his desperation had been enough proof he doesn't. Their children are not the ones who are supposed to be taking caring of him. There is no one by his side.
She doesn't regret it but she wished, she wishes desperately that she had come back to him. She wishes that the other her had walked back to the castle, alive and happy, hugging him and taking away all his grief. There had been a chance, Naga-sama had said that there was a chance she will come back if their bonds were strong enough. She had come back in other timelines, but not in this one. Their bond was strong, she was sure of that, but they had not reunited. It was fate's hand, a pure chance, just like how you cant roll the dice on 6 both times. Just like that, she had not come back in every timeline. It was the cruel and real fate's hand. They couldn't do anything against it, even if they wanted to, they can't cut it down.
But now it was too late, 8 years late. They all knew he knew, there was no chance left now. Robin, the queen of Ylisse is dead. It is the hard reality but she didn't want this reality for him. She wanted him to be happy, since the day he had taken her hand and promised his trust to her without even knowing her name. She had wanted him to be happy, but right now he is furthest from being happy, from smiling. He is a hollow man, half dead and living only to fulfil his duties.
She takes a shuddering to breathe as her eyes water ad she forcefully rubs them away because how can she be the one breaking down. She is not the one who is supposed to be crying. She needs to be there for him, she needs to hold him again like she always has. She looks up at the beautiful sky and walks further in the garden. She will talk to him again, but once he has settled, once his feelings have calmed down. She needs to calm down too, stabilize enough that she can support him.
A/n - So this is a two-shot I didn't need to write right now but something I wanted to write right now. Chrobin and angst just go so well, they are a couple made to be filled with angst. So this is just a what-if chapter where Robin doesn't come back at all and won't ever and Chrom is summoned in feh so now he has to face his grief head-on. Ya, I love suffering Chrom.
Severed Timeline is going on don't worry, I am still writing it. I am just searching for the beta right now and will post a new chapter hopefully soon.
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