Chap 1
"The baby is Liam's. Liam is the father." Steffy sighs sadly, letting the results drop to the floor.
I look over at her, and see the clear disappointment in her voice and eyes. I grimace lightly at her words, while trying to hide my feelings of excitement that the baby is mine. I put the grimace on my face for everyone's benefit, but especially Hope's. I know this is probably destroying her, but I can't help but feel happy that this baby is ours, mine and Steffy's baby. This baby is a testament to what we share, our love, and what it has created.
I love Steffy. It is simple as that. I have never stopped loving her. My love for her has been deeply hidden, since she "gifted" me to Hope. I've wanted to be with her since even before Steffy did that, but I knew she wasn't an option. She didn't want me. So, I had to accept what was and try to move on. It hurt me deeply because I wanted to go back to her, I just didn't know how to tell Hope. I can't describe what it is that I feel for Steffy. What I have always felt for Steffy, since the moment I saved her from that tub. I didn't know it then, but that moment is when our souls forever entwined. She's the one who has loved me the deepest, but she also the one who has hurt me the deepest. She is home to me. She's the light at the end of the tunnel. She excites me, lightens me and makes me a better person. I love who we are together. Despite everything that has happened between us, the good and the bad, she still continues to own my heart, my soul. I've buried those feelings for so long because I've had no other option but to bury them.
It's now clearer than ever to me. I couldn't be strong and say what I wanted and stick to it. I let people trample on me, and make me feel guilty, while I was just worried about not hurting one of these two women. My weaknesses ultimately cost me, Steffy and our life together. But now knowing this, it only confirms, what my underlying feelings are. I want to be with Steffy and our babies. I want my family back. I want it more than anything.
Steffy finally speaks, breaking the silence in the room and bringing me out of my selfish thoughts. "I'm sorry Finn, you have no idea how much, I wanted this baby to be yours," Steffy cries.
Her words wound me. There are clear tears in her eyes. I know she's hurting. I just want to take her in my arms and soothe her. I want to make everything okay for her. Even if we had the option, I would never take that night back between us. It was beautiful. Our souls connected again that night. It gave us our baby. That night truly reminded me of what I gave up for Hope.
"You just HAD to go after my husband, Steffy! You just couldn't take the fact that Liam had moved on with ME! That he was happy with me. You couldn't just leave us alone. We were happy! We had this beautiful family that you came in and destroyed!" Her eyes are filled with rage. She is boiling. If looks could kill, Steffy would be dead. "All you do is take, take, take," she yells.
"Hope, I-I can't apologize enough for what's happened. You'll never know how much I regret that night. I regret it, I do, but the one thing I do want to be crystal clear with you about is, I do not regret this baby. This baby is a blessing, a gift of life regardless of who fathered it. I love this baby with all my heart."
I hold back my sadness at Steffy's comment. She regrets that night. I don't regret it. I can't regret it, our souls connected. It was as if my soul was where it belonged. With her is where I belonged.
"It doesn't change—" Hope started
"Hope, let her finish," Finn piped in, finally saying something. I could only imagine what is going through his mind.
"Finn, it's okay," Steffy calmed. "I do deserve whatever she wants to say."
"Steffy, it wasn't just you, who created this situation. People make mistakes," he said, smiling slightly while taking a few steps towards her. Finn glanced quickly over at me, then back at Steffy. "We need to move forward from here."
"Hope, this will work out. I want this to work out. I can still be Kelly's father, along with this new baby's father and be committed to our family."
"Were you committed, when you decided not to confront Thomas on what you saw that night? Were you committed when you went to Steffy's that night and slept with her?!", she screamed at me.
I try walking over to her, but she throws her hand up at me, as if to tell me to stop.
"Don't Liam," she grits through her teeth. "NOTHING, you say will or could make this situation better. How could you do this to us AGAIN? This is truly never ending for the three of us, is it?"
Chap 2
I am sitting in my hotel room that I've had for about a week now. I left mine & Hope's home, the day that Steffy revealed that the baby she was carrying was mine. The second we arrived back at the cabin, I could really feel how distraught and angry Hope was over this. I couldn't blame her. After, a few minutes of being back at the cabin with her, I knew my only option was to give her space and time.
If I was truthful with myself, I needed the time too.
Being alone the past week, has really given me a chance for perspective on everything, and everyone that I've hurt because of my selfishness. It has always been about me, and my wants. I never cared about anyone else. I've never understood how my actions have caused so much destruction until now.
I have not heard from Steffy nor Hope since Steffy read the results to us in her living room the other day. Steffy and I didn't make any further plans, as not too soon after the reveal, and Hope's explosive words to Steffy and I, did Hope run out of Steffy's house. I followed her immediately, saying nothing to Steffy or Finn on the way out. I figured, time is what they both need and they would reach out to me when they were ready.
Even with all the pain and misery I have caused, I still can't get the fantasy of Steffy and I raising our babies together as a family. I can't even begin to describe how I feel knowing that Steffy is carrying my child. It gives me so much joy.
I take a picture of Steffy, Kelly and I out of my wallet. It was taken not too long ago probably a couple weeks before we made love. We are so happy in the picture. If you didn't know us or our history, you would think that we were this truly happy family and that we were still actually together. I stare at it softly, imagining what life could be like for us and remembering our night together. I get lost for a minute, thinking about how she ran her fingers through my hair and down the nape of my neck, before she scratched my back with her nails. The feelings I felt, in the way she called and moaned my name out so passionately, and her face, her eyes as if they were looking straight through me into my soul as I entered her and when we finally released together. We have always been so in tuned with each other, our bodies, what we each liked, our needs and the things that would push us to our limits. I couldn't forget those quiet moments afterwards, when we held each other, snuggled close and professed our love for each other, and that it's only ever been each other.
We talked in a way that we hadn't talked to each other in a long time. We confided in each other, our hopes and regrets, and how much we still wanted this, and wanted each other. We poured our hearts to each other, knowing what could be. She ran her hands softly through my facial scruff throughout the night to relax me and comfort me, with all that had been revealed to us that night and with my realization that I knew what I had lost with Steffy and Kelly. She knew I was broken, and I knew that there was no one that would be able to take my pain and anguish away more than she could. She has always known. My heart is full of so much love and joy at the thought of Steffy and the love that is still between us. I feel a tinge of excitement and want for her.
Suddenly, bringing me out of my daydream bliss is a knock at the door.
"Coming," I say, putting the picture of us down on the nightstand.
"Wyatt," I sigh almost disappointed, as I open the door all the way, letting him in.
"You know, I wouldn't have to drive all the way over here, if you would pick up your phone for once," Wyatt scowls at me. He stands near the table by the door dropping his keys and phone, before sitting down.
"You called?" I question, before looking over towards my phone. I notice that it does look like I have several missed phone calls. I pick up my phone and begin to scroll quickly.
"Yes, I called. I haven't heard from you in a couple days. I've been worried. A lot has been dropped on you."
I chuckle slightly, "Honestly, it's nothing I don't deserve," I confess, running my hands through my hair, exhaling loudly.
"I take it that you haven't heard from Hope or Steffy?"
I shake my head no in response. I look down at my hands, still feeling guilty over everything that has happened, everything that I have caused.
"Do you want a beer, Wyatt? I have a few in the fridge." I ask, knowing that he might need it or maybe even I might need it, while I am bringing Wyatt up to speed on the never ending triangle that I constantly seem to put myself in. I slowly walk over to the fridge, while waiting for his answer.
"Sure, I'll take whatever you got. I kind of have a feeling that I might need it while you are filling me in," he said cracking a small smile. I know that he is trying to lighten the mood up.
I smile slightly back at him and his obvious humor he is trying to get across. I hand him his beer, before fiddling with the bottle opener and then sitting down next to him.
"I've royally screwed everything up, for everyone. I just couldn't leave well enough alone, and I had to keep pushing it, inserting myself."
"Liam, you are a good guy, you made a mistake. You have always tried to do right by everyone. There is nothing wrong with that."
I raise my eyebrow at him, before taking another chug at my beer. "Yes, there is when I am constantly hurting these two women who I claim to love."
"But, it's not like you've intentionally set out to hurt them," Wyatt countered at me.
"No—but,"
"Liam, I am not saying that you don't screw up, because you do, a lot."
"Gee, thanks for the support and encouragement," I sarcastically reply to him, not really annoyed that he said it.
"Well, it is true. I feel like we've had many conversations over the years about these two women and what you are doing. Your history with them has never been an easy ride. I know you have felt pulled in both directions. Should you be with Hope? Should you be with Steffy? What is the right thing to do? You can't seem to make a decision because of your fear that you may hurt one of these women. I don't think you realize the how your constant indecision has affected both of them."
"I know, I get it," I confess, shaking my head solemnly. "With everything that has happened, and how it's affected everyone, I truly see how much destruction that I have caused."
"But if you didn't realize or see what you were doing to them, it's not completely all your fault."
I stand up. "If I could only say that it's not all my fault. I should've realized before now what I was actually doing. It shouldn't have taken me to cheat on my wife and get Steffy pregnant for me to realize what I've been doing to them all along. It's been me."
Wyatt nods in agreement. "I am not going to disagree with you there. It is your fault. But at least you are acknowledging it now. You still can change it. You have bounced back and forth between them for years. Even though, you didn't want to hurt them, it should've never been "their" choice or your choice based on not hurting one of them. It needed to be based off of what you wanted, who you wanted and who you saw yourself with."
"I know," I agreed, finally seeing my errors. "If I did that in the beginning things probably would've worked out very differently for me."
"Probably," Wyatt chuckled, before lightly hitting the side of my forehead. He smiles slightly before deciding to rub a little more salt in my wounds. "This is why; I always thought Hope or Steffy would've been better off with me. Both of them are marvelous, extraordinary people, who I would've given my all to them. It would've been only them. But, they just couldn't relinquish their feelings for you, despite you waffling back and forth for years between them. They aren't the sister wives as much as I think you want them to be. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. At least with me, they would not feel like they are constantly competing for my love, attention and commitment."
I rolled my eyes at him, despite the sinking feel that overcame my stomach, "As if I didn't feel shitty enough over this…."
Wyatt shook his head, "Sometimes, the truth hurts. However, that doesn't change the fact that we still need to hear it."
"Ugh," I say, through my hands up in the air in almost a defeated man.
Wyatt takes the last sip of his beer, before throwing it out in the garbage. "My advice to you bro, is you need to take a good hard look at yourself, and figure out who you are, who you want, and what you want, and then commit to it 100 percent, and fight for it, whatever it may be, and no matter whose heart you might break. You need to break this cycle."
"Have you actually thought about this at all? What are you thinking? I can't imagine what is going through your mind."
I suck in a breath of air, before revealing to Wyatt, what my thoughts regarding these women have truly been. I know that once I say it out loud that there will be no turning back.
"It's hard for me to admit this. I feel horrible to even say this out loud," I confess sadly.
"Regardless of everything, bro I am here for you, no matter what. You can tell me anything."
I inwardly smile at my brother's support. I know personally that I haven't always deserved that support. I really am a shitty person.
I sigh once more before continuing on, "When Steffy told me that she was pregnant, there was a part of me that really was so happy. A baby is a blessing, no matter how it is created. I was ecstatic, and over the moon happy at Steffy's pregnancy. Just the thought of Steffy and I being parents again to another little human being, just filled my heart with so much joy, love and pride. No matter what is going on between Steffy and me, I have always loved her, and we've always clicked, and have been in sync. Her declaration of her pregnancy just solidified the feelings that I've always known I've had for her, but have kept hidden. Just the thought that our love cultivated with another baby was, is just amazing. It is an amazing feeling to have when you love someone and as passionately as I do, Steffy."
"But?" Wyatt pushed further.
"Those were honestly my first thoughts, when Steffy told me. It was one of the most fulfilling moments in my life, until I looked down at my wedding ring, and thought of Hope."
"Uh-huh. I'm sure you did a 180 once you remembered Hope," Wyatt guessed, sounding pretty sure of himself.
"Literally, all the color drained from my face. I knew that this would devastate her."
"It would devastate any woman, who thinks she's in a committed relationship, Liam," he chides.
"I know. Despite that and what I knew to be true, and the potential consequences, I was still happy at the thought of Steffy carrying my child. I still wanted this child. I still want. I already loved this child."
"Wow, bro this is deep. I knew that you loved Steffy, and would always love her, but this is taking it to another level."
"I know it is. Honestly, now that I am saying this all out loud, I feel relief and as weird and as wrong as this sound, it feels good. It's making me realize just how much I love Steffy and still want to be with her."
"Dude—" Wyatt tries to interrupt, bringing his hand up in front of him.
"Yeah, I want to be with her, still. God, I love her. What I have with her doesn't compare to anything else. She's everything. She's the package, and she completes me and has given me things that I didn't even realize that I needed or wanted. She's accepted and loved me unconditionally despite my mistakes. She understands me, and never shames me or makes me feel guilty, but helps me. Steffy makes me feel whole. With us, it's simple, fun, natural, I like who we are together. There is no one out there that's like her. She's the tornado that I want to stand in; because with her I don't know where I'll end up, but I am sure it'll be a hell of a ride. She's hurt me the deepest, but has also loved me the deepest."
Wyatt just looked at me, almost dumbfounded by my confession.
"Even despite all those feelings, and realization, Hope was still in the back of my head. I didn't want to hurt her. I know how much she loves me, and don't get me wrong, because I do love her."
Once Hope popped into my head, I had basically what I think was a knee jerk reaction. I became dumbfounded and nervous, scared even, because I knew that I was going to have to tell Hope, and what it would do to Hope once she knew. Again, I didn't want to hurt Hope, but either way I knew she was going to be hurting,"
I looked down at the floor, shaking my head before looking back up at Wyatt. "And do you know what's the most awful and pathetic part of this all, is I knew Hope was going to be hurting, but yet, I still was over the moon excited with Steffy's news. I realized that I definitely wasn't angry with Steffy, but at myself for feeling the way I do, and the thought of again, my indecisions hurting Hope."
"When Steffy told me that she was pregnant all those feelings came rushing back up to the surface. It just confirmed that Steffy and I belong together. I love Hope, but I don't love Hope the way that I love Steffy. It doesn't compare. I am not IN love with her. "
"What Hope and I shared was over a long time ago, I was just afraid to see it and of hurting her. I outgrew that love. I matured, and with that maturity came a different kind of love. It brought me Steffy. But, Hope, I have always felt obligated to, because I know she feels like we never had a shot to be together. That it was always taken from us. I know she will always take me back. Hope is the girl next door, childhood love, but she's not what will make me truly happy in the long term. I think I started realizing that once Steffy and Finn started dating, and there was a prospect that I might lose Steffy permanently. Steffy has—"
"Always been there, as if she's single, just waiting for you to return to her, when things get rough with Hope."
"Yes," I admit shamefully.
"I never truly considered the fact that Steffy could or even might walk away from me for good."
"With all the emotions running through my head, came the thought and realization that Finn might be the father of her baby, and not me. Just that thought alone crushed me. It couldn't be Finn's. It had to be mine." I sigh deeply, sadness building up inside of me. I feel a tear well in my eye.
"Steffy outright told us all, that she hoped the baby was Finn's. I understood why, she hoped that, but I couldn't help but feel betrayed and disappointed at that."
"Well, at least you understood," Wyatt said, taking this all in. "It's not like she could have said in front of you, Hope and Finn that she really wanted the baby to be yours."
"I know, but still it hurt."
"Did you ask her privately?"
"I did, and she said she wanted it to be Finn's and not mine, but I couldn't help but wonder if she was just saying that because she didn't want to admit her true feelings again for me, in fear of complications."
I shrugged my shoulders, "Maybe, she doesn't want to hurt Finn."
Wyatt licked his lips, before rubbing his chin. "Let me ask you this, do you think Steffy really still loves you and wants to be with you still? Would she come back to you if you told her how you feel?"
I shook my head, "Honestly, I do not know. I think she does, but I think she's afraid to admit it and to put her trust in me. I know Steffy very well, and just being with her on and off since this whole Thomas mess started, her body language and facial expressions, the atmosphere and sexual tension between us, makes me believe in my heart that she still loves me, and still wants to be with me."
"I can't say that I blame her for feeling the way that she does."
"I don't either, it's just—the night together was just something else. Indescribable, incredible, don't even begin to get across how wonderful and beautiful it was. Despite it all, I don't regret one second of it. I feel like she told me everything I needed to know that night. I understood even her unspoken thoughts, just as she did mine. What happened between us in my opinion was inevitable. If it didn't happen that night, it would've been another night."
My heart is heavy and aching. "You know what is even more awful, now that I look back on things, is as bad as I feel for Hope, and I do, I feel like I've been cheating on Steffy with Hope. The last two years, I've been with Hope, but my heart has never truly been with her. It's been with Steffy. Every day that I continued to deny what Steffy and I have together, it's basically as if I am cheating on my heart." I sigh again, "Steffy literally gave me the choice and opportunity to pick our family, to fight for our family, and I just pushed her away, because of my selfishness."
Wyatt just keeps staring at me speechless at my confessions. I think he expected most of this, but is still surprised at how much I have revealed. I don't think he realized how deep my feelings went.
"Hope took everything out on Steffy. She made Steffy bare the brunt of this. Yeah, she got upset at me, angry even, but it was nothing I'm sure compared to the rage she threw out at Steffy. She blames both of us, but ultimately blames Steffy for the destruction, as if she seduced me. I do not want Steffy to be blamed. I also don't want her to be tormented by Hope or Brooke throughout her pregnancy."
I couldn't believe I even was having those thoughts of Hope and Brooke tormenting, guilting, and getting in Steffy's face over what happen and the resulting pregnancy. I remember all too well, how they treated her, the other two times that she got pregnant by me. She deserved none of that bullying.
"Even I know, that Steffy isn't the only one to blame," Wyatt spoke.
"Steffy did NOT seduce me. It was very consensual. But, even outside of the consensual, I am the one to blame for this whole mess. This entire mess is my fault, for years, I let this go on, and again it just cultivated in what happened."
"I get it bro, I do."
"Anyway," I continue, "after Steffy and I explained to our respective partners, obviously Steffy went to get a DNA test done. Those confrontations as I told you before were not pretty at all. I know what mine was like with Hope, so I can imagine what Steffy's was like with Finn."
"So, Steffy went for a test?" Wyatt asked to confirm.
"Yes. She gathered Finn, Hope and I to tell us what the plan was and that she didn't want to wreck my marriage to Hope, and that for everyone's sake, she truly hoped the baby would be Finn's."
"Steffy got the test results a few days later, gathered all of us again and it was revealed that I am the father. She opened the envelope with all of us there."
"Wow," Wyatt said, practically speechless. "I'm surprised that she opened it in front of you all."
"I think her thinking was that if we were all together, we could all learn at once and there wouldn't be any questions. That maybe together, we could form some kind of plan and maybe be able to move forward."
"When it was revealed that it was my baby, Steffy had tears in her eyes, as if she truly did not want the baby to be mine, but to be Finn's, and I could tell that she was disappointed that it wasn't. Her reaction, and how she apologized to Finn, cut me deep." I licked my lips before continuing. "Not to say I expected her to be jumping for joy, but just how she clung to him, and found comfort with him, it stung. I wanted that to be me. I wanted to be able to share that moment happily with her."
I sigh again, and run my fingers through my hair. "The fallout just got worse from there with Hope screaming, crying, throwing a tantrum, blaming Steffy, and then finally storming out. I couldn't say anything to Steffy, I just ran out after Hope. I know that Steffy is strong and a fighter, but in that moment Hope needed me a little more."
I pursed my lips, and looked back up at Wyatt. I still couldn't imagine what he was truly thinking. "That's it, more or less."
"How did it end with you and Hope afterward? Obviously since you are here and not at the cabin, it's not all fine and dandy."
"Far from it," I confess, still disbelief of all that has happened. "When we finally got home, she couldn't even look at me. I could see the distain in her eyes. The only words that she could manage were, 'I need time' ".
"And that's how you ended up here."
I nodded.
"I can't say that I am surprised how any of this ended up playing out. The only thing that I am surprised about is how deep your feelings are for Steffy. I mean, I knew you loved her, but from what you've just told me and described to me, this goes much deeper than you just loving her, and her being the mother of your children. That connection, you share, it seems to me, that it is as strong as it has ever been, if not even stronger."
"I don't disagree with you at all. I know, I've said this repeatedly in the course of our conversation, but I love her. I just really screwed this up. I have so many regrets over this. If I could go back, I would."
"There is one thing you are forgetting about going back," Wyatt reminded.
"Beth," we said in unison.
"She's the one good thing that's happened between Hope and I. I wouldn't change that part, but honestly that is all that is between us. If I didn't let Dad, get into my head, Beth, would've never happened. I was going home to Steffy when Dad did what Dad did. I don't regret Beth, but she forever changed the course of our lives. No matter what, a baby is a blessing, and Beth is my child, and Hope and I will always share her, but if Beth never happened, and I didn't get caught up in a moment with Hope about her, Steffy and I would be together right now." I shake my head again, remembering how Steffy took the initial news when I revealed to her that Hope was pregnant. She was perfection. She was supportive, kind, and understood. She was willing to work it out, together as a family and do what needed to be done to be a blended family." I rolled my eyes in defeat, "And what did I do? I postponed the wedding."
"When Steffy took herself out of the equation, to be a strong mom and role model to our daughter, it's the first time I saw that Hope was an obligation, not my love. Steffy did not want me, so what else could I do, but settle and try to move on with my life with Hope and our new baby."
"You know, in a strange way, Steffy taking herself out of the equation, was probably the best thing in the long run. I know it's weird, but if she didn't do that, I would've never seen that Hope was an obligation. I would be still going back and forth between them."
"Interesting way to look at it," says Wyatt. "Maybe Steffy was waiting to see if you'd come back to her on your own, despite Hope being pregnant. We know she loves you."
All I could do was nod.
Confessing and saying this all out loud to Wyatt has opened my eyes to everything that I have done to both these women. I don't deserve either one of them. It's never been either one of them. It's been me, my indecision, my waffling, wanting my ego stroked by having the attention on me, sending mixed signals to both of them, never speaking up for myself, even when I disagreed with them. I was constantly, professing my love to one, when I technically was with the other. I am a horrible, self-serving person.
Steffy has took the grunt of all this throughout the years. She's always given me my space, has given me the option to change my mind, and has given me an out on numerous occasions. She's never pressured me, and she took all the bullying and shaming that Hope and Brooke, dished out to her over the years. She's always been selfless when it comes to us, to me. She has always loved me unconditionally and has never had expectations of me. I can't say all these things about Hope.
"So, what are you going to do? How are you going to proceed and move forward with this? What is it that you want? It's time to be honest with yourself."
I licked my lips, unsure how to answer him. I looked over at the picture of Steffy, Kelly and I that I left out. Wyatt must've of saw me looking over at it.
"Beautiful family you have. It was a lot to give up." He bit his lip before continuing. He leaned over at me to get almost directly in my face. "Say it, Liam. It's okay. I am pretty sure I know what you are going to say, just based off of what you have said to me today. Who is it that you want to truly be with?"
I smile because I knew the answer. I've known the answer for a long time. I just couldn't say it and admit to it. The catalyst was her finding comfort with Finn.
"Steffy. I want Steffy. I've always wanted her. I want my family with Steffy. I want my girls, and our lives that were taken from us. She's everything and more to me. She's my heart, my home and my life. I can't deny this any longer. I need to fix this and we need to finally get our happily ever after. I will fight for her, for Kelly and our new baby until my last breath."
Wyatt smiled at me and my declaration. "Then you need to go get your girl and your family."
Chap 3
I just pulled into our house. Well, what was our house, but now was Steffy's and Kelly's home.
Steffy had called me and asked me to come over not too long after Wyatt left my hotel room. I wanted to give her space, but I was desperate to see her, to talk to her, to try and figure this out. I knew when she called, what it was most likely about. She wanted to talk about the baby and how we were going to go from here. I tried to get her to tell me over the phone, but she insisted that what she wanted to discuss what had to be done in person, and not on the phone.
I slowly walk up to the front door, remembering the good times we have shared in the house. It's hard to not think about us, and all that we've been through together when coming to this house. This has always been our home.
I am not exactly sure what she was going to say, but I knew what I was going to say to her. I am going to go on a leap of faith and pour my heart out to her, and get on my hands and knees and declare my love for her, apologize to her, for everything I've put her through and our daughter through over the years. Then I am going to beg her to forgive me and take me back. I want her back, and I can't take no for an answer. I smile at the idea of our hopeful reunion and what could be.
I knock on the door, hoping not to wake Kelly, as it was around her nap time. It feels odd to knock, as I'm so used to just walking in as if this is my home. But between Kelly most likely napping and everything that has transpired over the past couple weeks, I thought it was best to knock.
"Hey," Steffy says, as she opens the door.
I stare at her for a moment, realizing how incredibly beautiful she truly is. She is in jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair up in a messy bun. She has no make up on and it looks like she's been crying. Despite that, she still is flawless.
"Thank you for coming," she said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "We need to talk."
"You are right, we do," I agree.
She smiles slightly, but something still feels off to me. She's not her normal, cheerful and bubbly self..
"Might as well come in," she says to me, while holding the door open for me. She shuts the door, and walks into the living room. She immediately starts pacing back and forth, biting down on one of her nails in the process. I can tell that she's brooding over something, something that she wants to say to me, but she does not know how to say it.
"Steffy, I think we need to sit. We need to talk. Whatever it is, it is clearly bothering you."
She stops and looks at me, but doesn't say anymore. For a moment, I wonder where Finn could be, and what Steffy and Finn's current status is now that all has been revealed.
"Come on, Steffy, sit please. You can talk to me. No matter what has happened between us or goes on between us, we've always been friends, and have always been able to confide in each other. Nothing on the aspect has changed or will ever change. You can trust me. You can talk to me, always." I hold out my hand to her, hoping she takes it. "Please," I reiterate.
She finally sits down, but moves to the complete opposite end of the couch from me, in a deliberate move. She sits Indian style and places her hands in her lap. She's clearly trying to avoid sitting close to me.
"I don't even know where to start," she says, finally breaking the silence between us.
"How about first, let me ask you how you are feeling. How is everything? How are you and the baby? How are your pregnancy symptoms? I want to know everything. I want to be here and support you through everything. I want to support you and love you, the way I should've when you were pregnant with Kelly."
I reach out to touch her hand, and she recoils slightly from me.
I feel a string within me at her actions. "Everything is fine, Liam. The baby is good, and I am feeling good." She can't help but smile. "Two months down, seven more to go."
"It'll go by in the blink of an eye."
"Yes, it will," Steffy agrees. "That's why we need to discuss things and make some decisions. We have a lot to discuss."
I move around a bit on the couch, trying to get comfortable and prepare myself for what I want to say to Steffy and how I am going to say it. She seems different, out of sorts today.
"Steffy—"
"Liam—" we say in unison.
"I'm sorry, you first," I push.
"No, it's okay. You can say what you want to say. I am still kind of working up the courage to say what I want to say."
"Are you sure?" I ask.
"Yes,"
Before I continue, I just have to ask her. "Steffy, are you sure you are okay? You are acting very strange. The vibe you are giving me is weird. Something is off with you."
"Liam," she sighs, "Please, just say what you want to say."
I suck in a breath of air, before exhaling quickly. I get up off the couch and sit on the coffee table, in order to be in front of her, and be able to look her in the eyes. I look at her, but she can't meet my eyes.
"Steffy, please look at me," I beg as I take her hand in mine.
She looks up through her eye lashes, revealing her beautiful hazel eyes. They look glassy as if she wants to cry. She doesn't pull her hand out of mine.
"I love you Steffy," I profess quickly, before I lose my nerve. "It's always been you. I want you. I want this baby, and I want this family."
"What?" she says, as if she didn't hear me correctly.
I quickly decide on a different approach. I get up, and push the coffee table back a ways. I quickly drop down onto my knees in front of her and cup her hands in mine, squeezing them lightly. Even after all this time, I am still mesmerized by her. She is the definition of beauty. She is everything that any man could want in a woman, but especially me. I don't know how I let it get to this.
"I love you, Steffy, and I want our life together. Where we are now is my fault. I am completely to blame. You've been nothing but loyal, committed and have loved me despite all my faults. You make me a better person. I like who we are together." I sigh again, as I look up at her. I feel the tears starting to well up behind my eyes as I continue to make eye contact with Steffy.
"You shouldn't be saying these things Liam—please, there is something that I must tell you."
"Wait Steffy, please, I need to say this. I should've done this a long time ago."
She sighs in defeat. "Okay," she nods.
"I am sorry. I am so deeply sorry for everything that I have put you through over the last 10 years. I'm sorry for waffling, going back and forth, and making you feel less than what you are. I'm sorry for never considering how you felt and what you were going through. My indecision has hurt both you and Hope. It's never been you. You've never done anything wrong. Even if you think you've done something wrong, it was probably made because of a decision I made. I pushed you to it.
" It's always been me. I've always tried to make decisions, in hopes of not hurting anyone. Even with that in mind, I still end up hurting someone."
I exhale sharply before continuing. "You have always been supportive, loving, kind and have always given thought to what I need. You are constantly putting my happiness above your own. You've let me be, and have accepted me completely, all my flaws. You are the epitome of what every man should want in a woman."
"I've trampled all over you for years, with my words and actions. I took for granted your love and that you would always be there, and that I could run to you when tough times came around for me. I've never been fair to you. I never deserved you either. I've never given one true thought about what you might be going through and how something might have affected you. You deserved so much more than you have received from me over the years."
"It's taken me a long time to realize the damage and destruction that I have caused for both you and Hope," I say solemnly, looking down at the floor ashamed. I can barely look at her, because I know that I will break down.
"We may have made a mistake in thinking that Hope and Thomas, did what we thought they did, and jumping to the wrong conclusions, but I can't take that night back. I don't want to."
"I don't either Liam, but—"
"Let me finish," I smile up at her, pushing her hair behind her ear.
"First, that night was when we made our baby, and I could never take that back. This baby—" I say, pausing to place my hand on her stomach, before continuing, "This baby is a blessing. It is a testament to our love and what our love has created. Despite the circumstances, I already love this baby with my whole heart. My heart is filled with so much joy at the prospect, of raising another child with you."
"The second reason, I could never take that night back is because it made me realize something—"
"Realize what?" she asks curiously.
"We reconnected that night. Our souls become one again. I knew before that night that I loved you. I would always love you. But until, that night, I didn't realize how deep that love still was, and that I had it hidden deep down because of the circumstances, you freeing me to be with Hope, Beth, your relationship with Finn, and the fact, that I thought you didn't love me anymore and honestly now after clearly seeing what I've done to you, I didn't feel worthy. To be honest, I still don't feel worthy of your love."
"It wasn't until we made love again, that night, that it all came to head. The way, we connected, the way we looked into each others eyes, as if looking into each others' soul, the way our bodies meshed together and how we touched each other. We knew exactly what each other needed that night. It's never been a guessing game, we just know. Even the afterglow, was special, just being able to have you in my arms, forgetting about the outside world, just talking, connecting, and thinking that we could have it all back, was near perfection. It was beautiful. Watching you after you fell asleep in my arms just filled my soul with pure joy, love and happiness."
"Even now, when I think of that night, and being with you, I feel nothing, but love, joy, desire, fulfillment and completion." I shake my head, "I don't want you to think that it is me, and that I am just caught up in the emotions of making love to you. It is much more. It did bring back to the surface the feelings that I kept deep inside of me, that I couldn't deal with. I knew then that I still loved you and still wanted you."
"My feelings were confirmed when you told me that you were pregnant, and that the baby could possibly be mine." I smiled at the recollection of the feelings that came over me when she told me that she was pregnant, "I haven't felt so much joy in a long time. I was so happy that we were gonna have another baby, that we were going to be giving Kelly another sibling, a full sibling. I loved that we were going to be raising another child together. It's been my dream, since you took yourself out of the mess that I created. I realized that I wanted this more than anything. It was then I knew we might have a chance again, that we could be again."
"All those things rushed through my head in a period of ten seconds. I honestly didn't have a chance to enjoy the moment, before I looked down and saw my wedding ring." I licked my lips, before rubbing her hand again. "What you saw, was a knee jerk reaction to the thought of Hope, and the realization that this would affect her too, and that I still needed to deal with her and that chapter of my life. I knew it would devastate her. She isn't strong like you are."
I pick up her chin, to look at her. She is silently crying. "Please, don't think I was ever angry about this pregnancy, and that I am not happy about it. After everything sunk in, I knew I was truly happy. Then I suddenly became aware that Finn could actually be the father of the baby. You have no idea, what that did to me, and how I felt in those moments after. The baby just couldn't be his. It had to be ours. Nothing pained me more when you told me that you wanted Finn to be the father, and to watch you seek comfort from him when it was revealed that he wasn't the father." I suck in another mouthful of air. "I wanted to be the one to comfort and soothe you. I wanted to start over and be with you, Kelly and the baby."
"Liam, I-I—"
I am still on my knees. "Steffy, I have one more thing that I want to say and ask of you."
She nodded to acknowledge that she heard me.
"I can never say how sorry I am for all the pain, misery and everything I put you through. I am sorry for everything I've put Kelly through, and not being the full time dad that she deserves. I would do anything to take it all back, and be committed and loyal to you. I will spend my entire life not being able to forgive myself for this mess that I've created.
"It's always been you. You are the one. The more and more time I've had to reflect on this the more I am certain of, that all Hope has ever been to me is an obligation. I love her, but I am not in love with her. I matured out of the love a long time ago. I was just too blinded by obligation to see it."
"Even though, I have no right to ask you this, I am asking for your forgiveness. I am also asking for us to start anew. Please, let me come home. I will do whatever I have to do to make this right for us. I will spend the rest of our lives proving to you, how precious you are to me, how loyal I am, and that you have a will always be first. I love you, Steffy."
I cup her face in my hands and stare into her eyes. Her eyes are filled with sadness and regret, uncertainty. I smile at her, my heart so full of love and pre joy for her. "I mean it Steffy, I love you," I declare before smashing my lips into hers.
Chapter 4
She lets me in, opening her mouth and letting our tongues dance together. I wrap my arms around her and caress her back, as she runs her hand through my hair, settling her hand on my scruff, gently rubbing it. It feels so good, and so perfect. This is right, this is home.
She breaks the kiss just as I begin to deepen it more. I want her and am aching for her. Steffy, looks quickly and guiltily down at her hands. She doesn't say a word. The silence is killing me. I need to know what she is thinking. I need to know what's going on in her head. I've poured my heart and soul out to her. The kiss we just shared has told me everything I need to know.
"Liam—"she finally speaks. She wipes her eyes before continuing. "You shouldn't say things you don't mean. We shouldn't have done that."
"I mean them," I profess. I can't believe she's questioning what I've just poured out to her. I guess, I have to expect it. I know she can't place trust in me. "If you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to you. Tell me, what you need from me, what you want me to do to fix this and make it right. I'll do anything to prove to you what I am saying is genuine."
"And what is so wrong about what just happened? I'm trying to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how serious I am being when I say that I want you and our family for good. It will be forever this time. I promise," I say kissing her knuckles.
"Liam, we can't. We can't go back. Too much has happened."
"I know, but I really want to fix this." I place my hand on Steffy's belly. "The little life in you deserves his or her family together."
"Liam, no matter what, I know you would be a great father to this baby. But we have to face reality that we, and our family, that dream died a long time ago. We both contributed to it. It is what it is. I accepted that reality."
I scrunch my eyebrows in a bit of confusion. "What do you mean, I would be?
Steffy wrings her hands together. "That is what I want to talk to you about. I've made a decision regarding the baby."
She gulps hard, and then stands up off of the couch. She bites her lip, trying to delay what she wants to say as long as possible. She finally looks over at me,
"Steffy, tell me what the decision is," I press getting up off the ground.
"Okay, I don't know how you are going to take this, but here it goes," she says to me, wringing her hands in nervousness.
"I've spoken to Finn about this, quite in depth. He has been very supportive and has made me realize that what I am about to say, is probably the best thing for all involved, including the baby."
Now I am a little nervous. "Steffy, you are making me nervous. Please, just tell me what it is."
She sighs again, "Finn has said that he would step up and be this baby's father, whether it's your or his. He doesn't see blood. He sees me, and this baby and having a committed, whole family." She pauses for a second. "Finn wants—I want, WE want" she corrects, running her hand threw her hair, while looking away from me. "We want you to sign your parental rights over of the baby when it's born, so Finn can legally adopt the baby. We want to get married, so the baby can have Finn's last name and we can be a family in every sense of the word. You won't have to worry about how this baby will affect you and Hope. The baby will be taken care of and loved.
"With you still being around for Kelly, you would still see the baby obviously, but you would not be playing the father figure in the baby's life."
What feels like eternity, has only been a few mere minutes. I am in complete shock, and unsure if I heard Steffy right. Did she really say what I think she just said? How could this even be an option that she wants to consider? I could never give up this baby. No matter the circumstances, this baby was conceived in love. This is my child, not Finn's.
"Liam—"she says as if she's far away from me. "Liam, did you hear what I just said?"
I blink a few times, having my eyes come back into focus. I shake my head and look at her. I scrunch my eyebrows. I still can't believe that she has even suggested this to me. Is she that resentful of me and all that has happened over the years? After knowing her as long as I have, this doesn't seem like her. This isn't usually her MO. She doesn't lash back and has never been revengeful.
Maybe that's why she's acting like this. I've been allowed to walk all over and constantly betray her over and over.
"Steffy—I—you, I don't even know what to say. I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth. How could you even consider this? How could you even want this?"
She looks down in shame, trying to hide her face. I stared at her, still in utter shock. I lift her chin up so she is looking at me. "Steffy," I sigh, "You need to talk to me. You owe me at least that."
She finally looks up at me and glares. "I owe YOU a conversation? I owe you an explanation? Are you really going to say that to me?" she hisses.
I see the deep anger in her eyes now. It's far from the soft eyes; she had just a few minutes ago. I reach up to touch her face.
"I'm sorry, Steffy," I say softly, rubbing my thumb over her cheek. "But this is my child. It's not Finn's. We created this life, not Finn. Our love did that. There's no way that I could ever walk away from this child, or you for that matter. I don't understand how you could even suggest this?"
Her eyes briefly soften towards me. She takes my hand gently off of her face. "Liam, there is so much at stake here. This isn't about us anymore. It's about the baby, and all of us, You, Me, Hope and Finn. We need to think about all of us."
I shake my head. "You taking my child away, is NOT what is best here."
"Not best for you," she whispers quietly, while looking down at her hands.
"It's not, but it's not best for anyone."
"Liam, please, just take one moment and think about this objectively—and what…"
"I don't care what it costs," I say finishing her sentence. If you are worried about Hope and our marriage, don't worry about it. Regardless, of how we all move forward from here, Hope and I are done. The marriage is over."
She bites her lip, before wiping more tears from her eyes. "This way, it gives you a chance to repair the damage done to your family. Think of Beth. I am sorry that your marriage is in shambles."
"Steffy, it doesn't matter if my marriage is in shambles, it's over and I am at peace with that. I don't want a marriage with Hope, or a life for that matter. I want a life with you and our children."
Steffy sniffed, "Liam—that dream, that fantasy, it died a long time. That night between us was only a fantasy."
"It didn't," I proclaim to her. "You are just afraid of that dream. You are afraid to want it, because of our history, and all that has happened. You may love Finn, but not the way you love me. You will never love another man the way you love me," I declare to her pretty sure of myself.
"Honestly," I continue, "I don't think this is what you want, and I think that Finn is pushing you into this. You can tell me if it's Finn pressuring you. I will take care of Finn."
She holds her hand up to me. "Finn has been nothing but good to me, to Kelly. He's an honorable, loyal, standup guy. Even after all that has transpired between us, and the fact that this baby is yours, he still hasn't walked away. He won't walk away from me." She sighs deeply, "And I believe him. I trust him, which is more than—"she stops abruptly, realizing what she was about to say.
"..than you can say for me," I finish her sentence, hanging my head in sadness.
"Sorry," she whispers almost not even audible.
"Steffy, I don't know if I can let this happen. Regardless, of what happens between us, I feel like this is the ultimate betrayal. I can't imagine not being in my child's life. You and I both know what it is like growing up without a Dad in our lives."
"But Liam, this baby won't be fatherless, it'll have Finn."
Every time she mentioned the possibility of Finn raising my child, more anger stirs up in me.
"Please Liam, be realistic and think about this. We tried so many times and it never works out for us. This is what is best. Hope is your future."
"That is enough, about Hope, Steffy. Don't worry about her. She is not even a factor."
Steffy sniffs and then wipes it with a tissue. "What about Beth? You have her to think of."
"Of course I love Beth, and will be in her life, but I don't need to be married to her mother to be a father to her. I could be a better father if I'm truly happy."
"It's the same with us. We don't have to be together to be good parents." Steffy sighs again, "Look Liam, I've thought a lot about this the past week. That's why it took me so long to call you. Do you think that I didn't agonize over this decision? Do you really think I want to hurt you? I mean really Liam. If you honestly believe that, then you don't know me at all"
"No, but—"
"Can't we have some happiness?" "All of us," she adds. "It'll never just be you and me, Liam. Don't you want that? Don't you want that for me and your children?"
"Please Liam, if you love me and this child like you say you do, like I know you do, please let us go. Let this happen."
Chapter 5
It's been days since I left Steffy. I've kept to myself and have not really left my hotel room, and haven't spoken to anyone with the exception of a few vague texts that I sent to Wyatt.
I told her that I needed to think about this. This is a lot to ask of me. I don't know, if I could sit back and watch another man raise my child. If I am honest, it would really be another man raising both my children. I don't know how Steffy expects me not to be bitter and hurt over this. Steffy offered me the position of "Uncle" to the new baby. But she does not want me involved as the father. I don't think I could live with just being "Uncle Liam"
I feel my dream, slowly slipping away from my grasp. Despite, Steffy's hurtful request, I still want her and want our family. In retrospect, I understand where Steffy is coming from and why she has asked this of me, but it still does sting. I feel like a part of my heart is being ripped out. I know that I deserve all that comes my way. I regret taking it this far and for this long.
I want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy with Steffy, pamper her, love her, and be there for her. I didn't get to do it last time, and I do not want to regret not doing it this time.
I am still unsure of what to do. My stance hasn't change. I still want Steffy. I still want our family, but I don't know how I am going to get there. She has been so adamant about cutting me out of our child's life; I don't know how I will get her to understand that this is the wrong decision. We need to be together, not only for our sake, and our relationship, but for our family. Our children deserve to have two loving parents, being raised in a home together.
I feel like I am doomed no matter what path I take here. Do I willingly give up my chance to raise my child, raise Kelly with Steffy, and be their father? I don't want to be just the sperm donor. I would miss out on so much. If I do this, any shot that I have with her and truly reuniting our family would go out the window. If I miss out on this opportunity, there may not be another chance for us. But, Steffy would be happy. She would get what she wants, or what she thinks she wants. When I think of the possibilities for Steffy and our family, I feel at such peace. I know being with her is the right thing.
However, if I stand up and try to fight this, I may lose the only chance I have left in reuniting our family. If I push this, I know Steffy would probably understand, but she would probably resent me forever. She would never be happy, and I want to her to be happy. I just wish I could show her that I am in this.
There's no use in delaying this, I told Steffy I would give her an answer soon. This will be the toughest decision that I will make in my life. I am not sure if I am going to make the right decision, but I know that it has to be, and that if we are supposed to be it all will eventually work out.
I take my cell phone out and dial Steffy's number. She picks up after two rings.
"Liam," she says dryly.
"I need to see you, I've made a decision. Can we meet as soon as possible?"
"Of course."
"Do you want me to come there?" I ask.
"Uh, no, I will come to you. Give me an hour, and I'll be there. See you in a bit."
"See you then," I reply before hanging up the phone.
I rubbed my face with my hand, exhale and then sigh, "I really hope that I am making the right decision."
Chapter 6
I open the door to Steffy, about an hour later. "Hey," I smile at her, while opening the door wider so she could come in.
"Hey, yourself," she smiles back at me.
"Come in, sit," I say, motioning for her to sit down at the table.
She puts her purse down, and then sits. "You seem to be in a better head space since you left the cliff house, after I asked you what I asked you."
"You can't even say it, can you?"
"It isn't easy for me, Liam."
"I know," I solemnly sigh. "I know that most of this is my fault. It's because of me and my in decisions. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if I did things differently."
"Liam, you don't need to apologize anymore. It's over and we need to move on now."
"It doesn't change the fact, that I've hurt you."
"No, but I am a big girl. I don't hold grudges. I just learn from the experiences and move foreword."
I take her hands in mine. "Whatever happens between us, like I told you the other day, please don't ever forget how sorry I am for the last 10 years, and how much I love you."
"Okay," she manages.
"Anyway, I don't want to take up too much of your time. I know that you probably have things to do. Like I said to you over the phone, I have made a decision."
"Okay, well what is it?"
I sigh, I still don't know if I should even suggest this, but deep down, I know that this is the only way.
"I want to compromise with you regarding your proposal of how we should proceed."
"Compromise?" she questions, unsure of how we could even compromise on something like this.
"Yes. I have thought long and hard about this, and I feel that this is the best solution. I may not like the end result, but I will keep my word."
She scrunches her eyebrows at me. "Liam, you are making me nervous. What are you talking about?"
I sigh, before licking my lips. "You said that you want me to sign my parental rights away, so Finn could adopt, my child. You seem very adamant about that happening."
"I am. It's what needs to be done."
"Maybe it is, but maybe it's not." I bite down on my lips. "I don't know if you truly understand what I am feeling."
"Tell me," she pushes. "You know we have always been able to talk to one another about anything, no matter what's going on."
"Let me ask you something."
"What?" she says, looking directly at me.
"I don't mean to sound harsh, but how would you feel if someone suggested to you, that you should sign your parental rights over of this baby or even to Kelly? How would that make you feel?"
"Liam."
"Just answer the question Steffy."
She was silent. There was nothing that she could say. She knows now what I am feeling, and what I would feel like if I had to sign over my rights.
"I wouldn't—it would—would…"
"Destroy you?"
She remains silent, before nodding sadly.
"You must then understand how I feel."
"I do," she sadly admits.
"So, how could you suggest this?" I pose to her.
Tears are slowly falling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. "I am just trying to do what's best for everyone, without destroying everything and without letting myself or this baby get hurt. I am trying not to get my heart broken again. I want a man that loves me, and only me."
And there it is. My suspicions confirmed. She still loves me, but doesn't want to get her heart broken again.
I bring my thumb up to her cheek, and wipe her tears away, "The last thing, I want to do is hurt you. I am not going to lie to you. I desperately love you and want to be with you. I truly believe that we are meant to be together. We have made so much history and memories together. You do deserve to have a faithful, committed, and loyal husband, who loves only you. You are everything a man could want in a woman. I want to be that man. There is nothing more that I want then that and I am going to spend the rest of my life proving it to you."
I bring her hands up to my lips and kiss each of her hands. "I know it'll take a lot more than words to prove it to you, but I am willing to do that, and to fight for you, to fight for us. I understand and accept that you are committed to Finn, and that you are scared, but I've only begun to fight for you."
"Liam, this is crazy."
"Listen, I am not going to go on and on about this, even though I want to, because I love you. But I am willing to compromise and see where my compromise gets us in the end."
"Fair enough," she says. "Let me have it."
"I want to be the man you need me to be, and I will be fighting for you, but the only way I will give up my rights, is when the baby is born."
She looks up, shocked at my statement. "You are willing to do that?"
"Yes, but only then will I even consider it."
"What? Why wait?" she asks, still in shock that I am willing to do this much.
"While the baby is growing inside you, I will be doing everything in my power to win you back and prove to you how much I love you and want to be with you. I am hoping, and praying that by the time the baby is here, that you will have come back to me and we can be a family. I want to be together before our baby is born. All I am asking for Steffy, is time."
"So, if nothing comes of this, which I highly doubt it will, what happens then?" she asks.
"If you don't want to be with me and still want to be with Finn, I will sign over my rights and you and Finn, can have the family that you want. You and I will be strictly co-parents to Kelly. I won't intrude in on your life. I promise." I suck in a breath in a breath before reaching my hand up to her face to caress it. She looks at me with her beautiful eyes. They are full of sorrow. If I could only take her pain away, I'd give it all up.
I continue to caress her cheek, before I move in and give her a soft kiss on her lips. Her lips are wet and salty. I want to press for more, but I don't want to press my luck. I pull back from her and push her hair behind her ear. "Trust me, okay? I am not the Liam, you once knew, and I am going to get you back."
"Do we have a compromise?" I ask.
She leans over to me and places her hand on my cheek. She runs her fingers over my scruff, saying nothing, but softly staring at me. I take in the feeling of her touch, and the closeness that is now between us. I feel myself start to get hard, at her mere touch. I am longing to touch her in return.
"Thank you, Liam. You have no idea, what this truly means to me. I want you to know that whatever happens between us, or where the end is, I do love you; I will always love you, if not for anything else, but for giving me Kelly." She then takes my hand, and places it on her belly, "And for this baby." She smiles, "You made me a mom, gave me the greatest gifts in the world, and I love you for that. You will always have a place in my heart."
Chapter 7
Wyatt is finishing up his beer. He has been here for a couple hours now, listening to me as I fill him in on where things stand. I feel kind of bad, at how much drinking he's been doing the past few weeks since all this started. He's been great, a real friend, a real brother to me. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have him to confide in. It's strange confiding in him, because of his history with Steffy, but despite that, he has been nothing but supportive.
"I just can't believe that you are willing to go to that extreme and sign over your rights. There are so many other options that could've been put forth, to take it to that level is just mind boggling. It is very surprising to me on Steffy's part. What is she thinking?"
"Honestly bro, I think this is more Finn pushing this, then it is Steffy. However, she does wants things to work out for her and Finn. So, I think she is willing to sacrifice, so things work out. I think she feels a lot of guilt for betraying Finn. I am not crazy about the guy, but I understand her thinking."
"But still, it's not even his baby. What gives?"
"I think what it comes down to is Steffy doesn't want to get hurt, and she is protecting her heart. She said she gave up hope for us and a future, a long time ago, that our dream, that fantasy died a long time ago, and that there is no going back. I know for a fact, that she does not love Finn, the way she loves me."
"I am so sorry, Liam. I can't imagine what you are feeling right now."
"I have so many emotions flowing through me. It's painful to even think about this. However, agreeing to this is the only option. This is my only chance to win Steffy back. I can't screw this up."
Wyatt widens his eyes, before chuckling, "No, you definitely cannot screw this up." He sighs, his eyes softening towards me as if he truly feels bad for what I am going through. "I just can't see you being able live with yourself if you sign your rights away. I can't see you being able to tolerate watching another man, raise your child. It would be too much torture for you to watch that. Any time you see Kelly, and the new baby is around, you'll look at the baby, look into the baby's face and eyes, make that connection and wonder. You will see yourself in the baby, your features to start, then slowly your personality and you will have just a boatful of regrets, and how things should have been different. It is going to break your heart, every time you see your child. Are you sure that you are ready for that?"
I get a shooting pain in my heart at his words, because I know that he is correct. I haven't thought that far yet, but just the thought completely devastates me. I don't know what I'd do.
We are quiet for a minute, before Wyatt brings up the other member of this triangle.
"So, my question is now, you have made it known who you want, and who you are fighting for, but what are you going to do about Hope? How are you going to address that? She deserves some kind of answers from you, regardless of the choices you've made now. You need to be absolutely clear with Hope about what it is you want and make sure that she understands."
"No, when it comes to that, you definitely are right." I run my hands through my hair. "I haven't talked to her much, since I left the cabin. I mean, she has sent me a couple messages regarding Beth, but nothing else really. There has been no communication outside of Beth. I honestly have no real desire to talk to her," I confess to Wyatt.
"Do you think that she is waiting for you to come to her?"
"I am not sure, but you are right, at this point, I need to reach out to her, see where we stand, and tell her about the decisions I've made. I do owe her at least that much."
Wyatt nodded in agreement. "I wonder how she is going to take this. She hasn't ever taken lightly to Steffy and you before."
"No, she hasn't. If I am honest, she's always been very selfish, and has made me feel guilty numerous times for feeling the way I feel about Steffy. She has never been supportive of us, even when she claimed she was. I think it was manipulation on her part even if she didn't realize it. Instead of encouraging me, and my family with Steffy, she's done things to subtly undermine it, constantly whispering in my ear, reminding me of the things that Steffy has done." I shake my head almost in anger, "You know, when Steffy miscarried our first baby, Hope basically told me that it was 'fate' and that nothing was standing in the way now of us being together."
"Wow, that's a bit cold, even for Hope," Wyatt says.
"I was hurting. Steffy was hurting, and that's what she was doing. She was coming on to me, in my space, kissing me, as if Steffy was the obstacle that was standing in our way. Like our baby was a mistake, and that Steffy trapped me" I feel myself get angry at how Hope has acted throughout the years the manipulations, and how I just didn't see it. I don't think I wanted to see it."
"She's selfish. She's a child. She's always so quick to judge Steffy and crucify her for her mistakes, even when some of Steffy's mistakes were partly my fault. If she really cared about mine and Steffy's marriage about me and my needs, she wouldn't have constantly been up in my space. She would've told me in the beginning, to forgive my wife and to go home to her and our baby. She would've given me the time." I shake my head, as I continue. "But she did not, she just waited there, lurking and making sure she could get in any jab against Steffy that she could. She was silently stroking my ego all while playing innocent and making herself look good. I think she's forgets about the mistakes she's made. It has always been for Hope, about the destiny, 'we were robbed' saga, and the obligation that I have felt towards her. I am honestly seeing Hope in a completely different light."
"Not that I have any room to talk, but Hope is a hypocrite, so is Brooke for that matter. Quick to condemn, but not take a good look at themselves. It's always everyone's fault but theirs. Neither one of them are perfect and they both have plenty of faults. She painted this persona of how innocent and moral valued she was, but it has been a lie. I don't think it was always a lie, I think it started changing and becoming true when Steffy entered the picture and Hope started seeing her as a threat."
I furry my eyebrows in disgust, "I'm sure it didn't help that she always had Brooke whispering in her ear, telling her to run after me, to do what she had to do to get me, that it didn't matter who got hurt. That Hope should just follow her heart, and that I am Hope's destiny. She probably was telling her that what Steffy and I share is nothing compared to what Hope and I share. The things Steffy's done, she would never do to me." I roll my eyes. "I am just so stupid for not seeing this before."
"I had no idea that you felt like this," Wyatt comforts, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"I didn't either, until I admitted to myself that Steffy is who I really want to be with. I took a good look at both of the relationships, I had with these women. The relationship that Hope and I, have had has never been a healthy one. Now, that I look back on it with new perspective, I see how immature she was and still is. She constantly was holding me to these high standards, and as soon as I didn't live up to them or voiced my opinion, she was out the door, barely even wanted to work through our problems. At the sight of trouble, she always goes running. I would beg her to forgive me, and she would, but as soon as I did something else that 'did not' live up to her standards, we would go through the same thing. It wasn't until, every time I got close to Steffy in someway, that she would come back, saying "we were robbed, we deserve another chance. It was because of this person or that person, decisions we couldn't make. You weren't around for a lot of that, but it was a constant battle. It was tiring. I never seemed truly important to Hope."
'Wow, you are right, I didn't know a lot of that."
I laugh lightly, and scratch my forehead. "You know what is interesting is, I think you were right, Hope has always been better off with you. When you and Hope were together, I think you made her a better person. She matured so much; you brought out the best in her. She was a completely different person when she was with you, in a good way."
"Are you trying to hook me back up with Hope? Trying to push her off on me?" he jokingly laughed.
"No, I'm really not," I laugh back at him. "Just pointing out how I see this whole picture now."
"Good. I can't constantly be getting your 'sloppy' seconds. I want to find a woman who hasn't been in love with or attached to you. Definitely not going down that road again. No offense, but I honestly don't understand what it is that women find so appealing about you, especially after all the years of back and forth. You should feel lucky with all these women fawning over you, Steffy, Hope, Ivy, Sally…" he said listing off the names while rolling his eyes again.
"The only one, I want to be fawning over me, isn't. She barely wants anything to do with me."
"Keep the faith, Liam. You don't know what is going to happen in the course of the next 7 months. Maybe by then this whole thing will just be a distant memory for all involved."
"I sure hope so, I just can't lose her. She's everything, and the thought of losing her forever pains me to no end."
"Anyway, listen, obviously, since you won't be going back to the cabin, you are more than welcome to stay with me at the Beach House for awhile, at least until you figure out exactly what is going on. The Beach house is much more homey than a hotel room."
"Thanks for the offer, but I don't want to impose."
Wyatt rolled his eyes at me, "Seriously Liam, now isn't the time to worry about imposing. At least you wouldn't be alone, and you would be able to have the support. I won't push, but just think about it."
Chapter 8
"Hope?" I call out as I open the cabin door and walk in. "Hope, it's me. Where are you?" I hear Beth fussing from the other room, before Hope appears with Beth on her hip.
"Hi," I say a bit uneasy as I walk into the cabin further. "Hi, sweetie, how are you? Daddy has missed you so much." I caress Beth's cheek with the back of my hand before placing a kiss on the top of her head. I take her from Hope's arms into mine. "You've grown so much in a week. How is that even possible?"
"Daddy, play with me," she begs, "I miss you."
"Daddy, will play with you later. I promise. Mommy and I have to talk first. Okay?"
Just then the cabin door opens again.
"Brooke," I sigh, annoyed at her presence. I wonder if Hope told Brooke yet, what is going on.
"Hi Liam,"
"I called my mom to come take the kids up to the main house, so we could talk privately and without all the normal kid screaming and yelling," she relays as if reading my mind.
"Oh, thank you Brooke."
"Come on kids," she calls, as Beth scampers over to her and Douglas comes running out of his bedroom.
I walk over to Beth who is now in Brooke's arms. "I'll see you later, sweetie. I love you so much," I say before kissing the top of Beth's head again. I look over at Douglas, and put my hand down in front of him, so he could give me a high five. I smile at him, "See you later, Dude."
Hope closes the door. She stands facing away from me towards the door. I have to wonder what's going through her mind. I hear her sniff quickly, and I see her hand come up to one of her eyes to wipe a tear. I think that she might know what is coming next.
"Hope…" I walk over to her unsure of what to even say to her or how to say it to her. There are things that need to be said to her, regardless if she wants to hear them or not. She can't hide from the truth. Even though, she needs to hear them, I don't want to completely destroy her. I can't waffle anymore, be indecisive or let her speak for me, or over me. I need to speak up and make sure she is on the same page as I am, that she understands. I need to be absolutely clear with her. I need to do this if I want any chance of winning Steffy back.
I touch her back and turn her around to face me. Her eyes are red and glassy. "Let's sit down on the couch and talk."
I lead her to the couch, and I pull up a chair in front of the couch to face her.
"Liam, I don't even know where to begin." She shakes her head solemnly, before continuing. "If it was anyone but Steffy. Why did it have to be Steffy? You know the history. You could've went to anymore, Wyatt, Bill even, but you chose to go over to Steffy's."
"Hope, I never meant to hurt you," I sincerely declare.
"Why did you do? Was I not a good wife or a good mother? What did I do for you to run and turn to Steffy? Did you really have that little faith in us, that instead of confronting Thomas, you turn around and land in Steffy's arm? Have I not given you the freedom to attend to your family with Steffy?"
"How could you do it? I was willing to forgive the indiscretion, even though; it pierced my heart so deeply. But now, Steffy's pregnant. I am going to have to live with your indiscretion for the rest of our lives. That indiscretion will always be here, constantly in my face, reminding me of what happened and what the two of you share together."
"I know that I disappointed you and that I am a terrible husband and a human being. You don't deserve what's been laid in front of you."
She shakes her head in disgust. "And now, we have Beth and Douglas that factor into all this."
"As well as Kelly and this new baby," I correct.
She sniffs, "This isn't about them, right now. It's about our family, yours and mine, and how Steffy came in and destroyed that once again."
"Hope, Steffy isn't all to blame."
She furrows her eyebrows, and purses her lips in anger. "Why do you ALWAYS defend her Liam?" She yells. "After everything she has done to me, to us, you still defend her! What is it that she cannot let go of? She's destructive. When the tough gets going, every time, you run to her."
She throws her hand up. "And you know, I am sure she is more than willing, and waiting with open arms for you."
"Hope, it's not like that," I defend. I want her to get out her feelings in the open. She deserves that, but I am not going to continue to sit here and listen to her bash and bring Steffy down.
"She's always been, destructive, hateful, and full of jealousy and want for me and my family. She doesn't care. She wants what she wants, no matter who she hurts or steps on in the process. It's always been this way with her. She has no conscious, and every time she does something awful, she gets no consequences whatsoever. It's forgive and forget."
Hope is wrong, Steffy has gotten plenty of consequences throughout the years, including losing me a number of times. She lost our baby because of a mistake she made. "Hope, we need to stop and take a breather. You are saying things out of spite and anger. It's counter-productive."
She balks, "You are serious right now? After everything you both have put me through, you are telling me what I should and shouldn't be saying and how to feel? You have got to be kidding me, Liam."
"Hope—"
"No, Liam. I am tired of this. I am tired of Steffy always coming in between us. I am tired of being second-fiddle, second best to Steffy, as if my feelings don't count, that they aren't important. She says she's sorry each and every time but then just turns around and does it again. The waters are never smooth with her for long. "She was probably the one who did most of the seducing and enticing. She probably planned to get pregnant. That was probably the plan all along."
"It wasn't like that at all, Hope. Steffy did not seduce me. Getting Steffy pregnant was not in either of our thoughts or was it our intention. It honestly was the furthest thing from our minds. Everything just happened so quickly."
"I am sure that protection wasn't even a thought in your mind," She sneered. "Why couldn't you have at least thought of that? At least then, we could move on and put that awful night behind us."
Her words pain me. Even if she speaks truth, I would not go back and do it differently. Knowing what I know now, and all that has happened, this little life inside of Steffy, I still wouldn't have worn a condom. Anytime Steffy and I have ever made love over the years, it has always been unprotected, by semi our choice. After a while, we didn't even keep them in the house. I try for a second to think of any time, that we actually used one. I cannot think of one time we've used one. The explosiveness, electricity, fire and passion that starts up between us in those moments is so strong, that we are already too far gone in each other to worry about or even think about protection. That is exactly how it was the night that the baby was conceived.
I couldn't tell Hope that though. "I don't really have an answer for that Hope. We just got caught up in everything."
"Of course you don't, just like you never do." she sniffs softly before wiping her tears again.
"Look," she starts, as she looks up at me. "Unfortunately, what's done is done. We can't change what is."
"No, we can't," I agree.
She shakes her head yes, before pushing her hair behind her ears, and wiping her eyes again. "So, let's just move forward from here. Okay?"
"Hope, I—it's—you need"
"Liam, if we are going to save our family, we need to move on. We can't let the past affect us. We need to rebuild and concentrate on our future. Not to say that it's not going to take a lot of work because it will, but I want our family, Douglas and Beth want our family, we need to see to it that is what happens."
"I get it," she continues fiddling with her fingers. "I know that Steffy will always be in our lives, especially because of Kelly and the new baby, and that you will always love her, but it needs to stop there."
"Hope—" I try to interrupt.
"There are going to be ground rules and boundaries that you will need to respect and live with in order for this to work."
"Hope," I try again.
"No Liam, let me finish."
I sigh and rub by face in annoyance, trying not to be angry. It's pointless for me to listen to any of the "ground rules" with her because I know where I stand and where we are going.
"First thing, that will happen is there will be no more running over to Steffy whenever you want, unless it's an absolute emergency. There will be no coming and going as you please. Pick up and drop off of Kelly will be either here, a mutual agreed on location, or I will drop or pick up Kelly myself. I am sure that Finn would agree with me on these terms."
"I don't want to see you just hanging around Forrester, unless it's to see me. No stopping in to see Steffy for any little chitchat."
"No more 'little family' outings, doctor appointments together, or longing looks between the two you. It all ends.
I give Hope a sharp look, "Hope, you cannot put that restriction on us, especially regarding the baby and doctor appointments. This baby is innocent. It doesn't deserve anyone's wrath."
She doesn't hear anything I am saying.
"Also Liam, I want to us to expand our family and have another baby, as soon as possible."
I blink in shock at her request. We've talked about in theory having another child one day in the future, but with the craziness of Beth and Douglas, getting Beth back, the whole Thomas fiasco, we didn't commit to it yet. We wanted to wait to talk about it when things settled down. It's never been mentioned other than "One day in the future, we could see another kid." I know exactly what this about now. Even after all this time, she is still insecure and still the one that always wants what Steffy has. She has to constantly one up Steffy, or rub something in Steffy's face, especially when it comes to me.
"Finally, the most important thing is, you need to prove to me over and over that you are committed to this family. Those are my terms. Please don't disappoint me, Liam."
Hope has been quiet for a few minutes. I know that she is waiting for me to respond. She has said plenty, but I know she could say more. I sat here and took most of what she said. I did at least owe her that much, but there was no way I was agreeing to any terms she set in front of me. Our commitment was over and I was not going to let her make me feel guilty.
"Hope," I start out pausing for a moment, trying to build up some courage. Regardless, of what I am about to say to her, I still don't want to hurt her more than I already have. I want there to be a cease fire so we can all just move on and look towards the future.
"I need to be honest with you,"
She nods then quietly with a bit of sarcasm hisses, "Yeah, honesty would be good right about now,"
"I want to first apologize to you, for all the pain, misery and back and forth I have caused you, not just specifically for this specific thing, but for all the pain over the years, all the back and forth between you and Steffy. It wasn't fair to either one of you. I shoulder most of the blame."
"Liam, she's robbed us so many times of a future together, just like she robbed us now. Everything awful that has happened in our life is in some way, related to something Steffy did. She never changes."
I grit my teeth to hold back my anger, and to stop me from going off on Hope, and her comments about Steffy.
"Where we are now, is not Steffy's fault. It's mine. I've let people walk all over me, guilt me into decisions, and make me feel bad for choosing one, but not the other. I never really made a decision without some kind of nudging from someone. I see clearly now, where my indecision has led us all. I can never apologize enough for the pain that I've caused. I don't know how either of you have put up with it over the years. I know if it was me, I would've probably walked out and never look back. Any sane person would run the other way. You both deserve so much more than I've given you, and I am sorry for that. I truly am. I sigh and place my hand on her arm in comfort. "I hope you know how much I mean that, how sincere I am. I realize now, that it's time to make my own decision."
"The past few weeks have given me a lot of perspective on things and who I am and what I want, and who is the person I want to be. My perspective started changing the night, Steffy and I slept together," I confess. I sigh, because I am still not ready to say this out loud to Hope, but it needs to be said.
"What are you talking about Liam, perspective on what exactly?"
"Hope, Steffy and I made love that night," I confess.
"Obviously, that usually is what slept together means. I am sure it wasn't in cuddly pajamas."
I close my eyes, before looking back at her. "That's not what I mean. It wasn't about just sex that night. It was far from that. Steffy and I connected again. It was not just a sexual connection. It was a deeper connection, as if our souls reconnected. It is the only way I can explain it. It made me realize what I had lost with Steffy. It was very consensual and that night brought to the surface all of my feelings for Steffy, feelings that have been buried inside of me for a long time. It was everything I wanted, hoped and dreamed for."
"If I am honest with myself Hope, I honestly think that "seeing" Thomas kiss "you", that night, I just used that as an excuse to turn back to Steffy. I needed a reason to turn to her, to insert myself because Finn was getting too close to Steffy and my family for my likening. I was jealous. I can't stand the thought of another man making Steffy happy."
"No, none of it was like that, she seduced you. She wanted you and took advantage. This was all to get back at me. She couldn't take it, that you were actually happy with me. Stop defending her! Stop diluting yourself, Liam."
I place my hand on top of hers, and she quickly removes it. "Listen, I do not want to hurt you, but you need to hear this. It's important."
"Okay, fine," she says, folding her arms.
"I've always wanted Steffy. I've always loved her. There has never been a minute that I didn't want her or that I did not love her, even when we weren't together. I've always yearned for her. I knew that I loved her long before our first marriage, I just couldn't admit it. I denied those feelings for a long time, because we were together and trying to build a life and I loved you as well. Steffy, showed me a whole new world, gave me experiences and risks that I never thought I would have. She brought out feelings and emotions in me that I didn't even know were possible. She showed me, that it was okay to just be me and to be free. She showed me how to enjoy life. She never had any expectations of me."
I look over at Hope, to see tears have welled up in her eyes. I don't even know what to say to her, without making her feel worse or making myself look like a complete jerk.
"Steffy has made me a better person. She's loved me the deepest."
"She's hurt you probably the deepest too," Hope countered angrily.
"I cannot argue you with you on that. But I have also hurt her pretty deeply too."
Hope gets up off the couch, wiping her tears, and walks slowly over to the window. Her back is now facing me. I stand up and look over towards her, but I remain where I am.
"When Steffy, told me a couple years ago that she couldn't bear the back and forth anymore, that she had to be strong for our daughter, it broke me. I wanted to go back to her and be with her, be with Kelly, but you were pregnant with Beth, and you needed me. I had to accept Steffy's decision; she gave me no option but to accept it. But I still loved her, I just couldn't do anything about it."
"I was in so much pain, and there was nothing I could do about it. You were happy with how everything worked out, Steffy felt at peace with her choice, so I couldn't reveal how much pain I was in, so I settled and tried to move on. I buried those feelings deep inside me, so they couldn't hurt me anymore. I had to move on for the sake of you and Beth. But I NEVER stopped loving Steffy, not for one minute. Letting her go and not fighting was the hardest thing I've ever done. It took me a lot of self control the past couple years because I knew where she stood."
"Too bad you couldn't have had self control the night you thought you saw Thomas kissing me," she sarcastically throws back at me.
"I kept it all hidden, trying to live my life, our life, and trying to forget my feelings and the life that Steffy and I shared. It was one of the hardest things I had to do. For a long time, I couldn't admit that I was still in love with her because I was so hurt on the inside. My heart was shattered. I existed only in the bit that was left."
"Even though, we had to move on, Steffy has always been my safe haven, the place where I feel like I am the most at home. I know that it is probably a shitty thing to admit, but its how I feel. Even apart, we still had a deep connection; we just couldn't act on it."
"Well obviously you thought you could act on it, being that you guys ended up in bed together," she says angrily.
"It wasn't planned. We realized afterward that there was too much at stake and that it probably shouldn't have happened. We knew that our choice was going to affect everyone around us. Even then knowing that the fallout from our decision was going to come, I couldn't regret that night. I still don't regret that night. I regret hurting you in the process, but not the night itself. Regretting that night would mean regretting my love for Steffy and for our child she is carrying."
"As beautiful as that night was, the thing that really changed the course for at least me, was when Steffy told me she was pregnant. Up until that point, we thought of it as just a beautiful memory we could share, there was too much at stake. Until she told me she was pregnant, then all rationale went out the window."
"And why's that?" she nastily asked.
"As soon as she told me, I fell immediately in love with the baby, and I knew then that it was always Steffy that I truly wanted to be with. The feelings I had about what our love did, was pure joy."
"I wasn't even thinking it was a possibility that the baby was Finn's, until she pulled me out of my thoughts and said it was a good possibility. When she told me that the baby may not be mine, I was crushed with sadness. I wanted that baby to be mine. The baby just had to be mine. It couldn't be Finn's, I couldn't fathom it. The idea of being able to share another child with Steffy gave me so much joy and happiness. There was nothing I wanted more. It hurt me even more deeply when Steffy revealed that she wanted Finn to be the father over me.
"That's so big of her, Liam. At least she has some sense of decency to hope and want the baby to be Finn's. She obviously understands what is at stake." She hisses through her tears.
"You are probably right, unfortunately."
"Anyway, when she got the results and the baby was revealed to be mine, I was so excited and happy. It just solidified my feelings for Steffy, and that she is who I love and truly want to be with. It devastated that she turned to Finn, when the results were read. It should have been me. My feelings and love for Steffy are strong as they have ever been. I knew then that I was going to fight for her."
"I spent the past week, evaluating my life, and all the things that I've done that have gotten me to this place. I have so many regrets. The past week has made me realize truly what a crappy person I am. I am not worthy of Steffy. If I only been stronger and not have played the back and forth games, things might have been different. We would be happy together right now. This week gave me time to think about who I am, and who I want to be."
"And who is it that you want to be? Did you figure that part out?"
"I want to be Steffy's husband and a father to my children," I say without any hesitation.
Hope finally turns around to look at me as if she's shocked. "You want to be with Steffy?"
"Yes, I do, very much," I confess smiling slightly at the declaration. "I'm sorry Hope I don't want to hurt you."
"What about us? What about our family? Does that even count?"
"Of course it does, I will always be there for you, Beth and Douglas. But we don't need to be together to do that."
By now, Hope is practically hysterical. Tears are flowing from her eyes like a waterfall.
"You don't have to be with Steffy to be a family either."
"No, you are right, bur I WANT to be with her," I stress. "I want to be with her in every sense of the word."
"I don't understand how you could want to be with her,"
"I love her," I declare. "I know where my place is."
Hope is quiet again. She walks over to sit back down on the couch. She sniffs and remains quiet for a few minute.
I am debating on if I should even say anything, or try to comfort her.
She sniffs once more before starting to speak. "You know, she's committed to Finn, another man, we could still make this work for our family."
"Hope…"
"Liam, I'm serious. She's made it very clear that she doesn't want you, but that she wants to be with Finn. Why can't you just accept that?"
"We were robbed by no fault of our own, of a life together. We have fallen for every trick. Steffy doesn't deserve you. She's won you by tricks and manipulations. She's never played fair and she will never change. I wouldn't do half the things Steffy has done to you. Steffy left you, lost faith in you multiple times, but here I stand still here and loving you as much as I have always loved you."
I silently roll my eyes, there it is the "we were robbed. I'm surprised that it took this long for her to say it. Hope was the one that always truly lost faith in me, especially when things didn't turn out how she thought they should turn out. I quickly scan through my head, when she ran and married Wyatt after I was a few minutes late, tore up our wedding license instead of signing it and moving on, when she actually truly believed that I shot my father, to name a few.
"We deserve our life. I know you love me too. We can be happy, Liam. All you have to do is say the word and we can have our happily ever after. Think of Beth and Douglas. "
"Hope, please, we can't go back and I can't change how I feel. I want to be a man that has integrity and proves his words by actions. I want to stop hurting the people that are important to me. I need to put an end to this merry go round that the three of us have been on for over a decade."
I place my hand on hers. "I also don't want to be with you just because of the children."
She snaps. "She doesn't want you Liam! I want you!"
"I know that she doesn't want me now, but I am hoping that I can prove to her how serious I am about being with her."
"What if that never happens? You want to wait for her fully knowing that she most likely will never come back to you?"
"We will be together soon. I know it and I feel it. We are written in the stars above," I reassure.
"I love you Liam, we are supposed to be. WE are meant to be," she cries.
She covers her face with her hands, and the tears start pouring out of her again. I move closer to her on the couch, our legs almost touching. I lean down and place my hand on her back, and rub it slowly, trying to soothe her.
"Hope," I finally speak. "Why would even want to be with me?"
"I know in my heart that we are destined," she replies.
"Sweetheart, I just confessed to you my undying love and commitment to another women and our daughter, and my child that she is carrying, and yet you still want to be with me? Why on earth would you want that? Do you have that little self-respect of yourself? I will never love you the way that I love Steffy. I gave my heart to her a long time ago, and she still owns it."
I put my arm around her trying to comfort her. "You deserve much more than I've given you. You deserve a man that loves you and only you, a man that is committed to you and doesn't cause you pain. No matter how much you want me to be that man, I am not that man. He's out there somewhere, and he will have one hell of a good catch when he finds you."
"He won't be you. I want you."
"I'm sorry Hope. I can't do it."
I sigh, I pull her a little closer, and she puts her head on my shoulder. She's still crying on and off.
"I hope you can forgive me for all I've done to you. I don't expect it today, but hopefully one day in the future you can forgive me, and we can be more than just co-parents. I want you to know that I don't regret a moment of our life together. You brought my father and I together, you helped me when I knew no one. You've been an example to so many, and I've loved watching you grow and mature into this wonderful women. I am thankful that you are in my life. But I am most thankful for you and will love you always because you gave me Beth. That alone is worth everything we've been through together. I promise you that I will always be there for you and for Beth. All you need to do is call me.
"I know that I have no right to as anything of you or from you right now, but I am hoping that you will still grant me one more request."
"What's that?"
"Please don't blame Steffy. She doesn't need any more stress, guilt, or needling from anyone. If you need to blame or be angry at anyone, be angry with me. I can take it and it's what I deserve. Steffy does not deserve it. Please be the bigger person where Steffy is concerned, and just let it go."
"I can't make any promises but I'll try."
I kiss her on the forehead. "Thank you Hope," I say as I maneuver my hand from around her.
"You should go, Liam," she requests.
"You are right." I stand up. "I will be in touch about Beth."
"Yup," she replies with a hint of sarcasm.
I walk over to the door and open it. I turn around once more to look at Hope. She looks up at me, and I smile back at her before exiting and closing the door and that chapter of my life
Chapter 9
I knock on the door to Steffy's office at Forrester. It's been a couple days since I declared my love for her and that I intended to win her back. I haven't heard anything from her other than a picture of Kelly that she texted me yesterday. I sent her hearts in return, but was given no response after that.
"Come in," Steffy called.
I push the door open slightly, before I catch a glimpse of her. She has her hair down, with her ringlets falling onto her shoulders. She is wearing a black blazer over a red business casual knee length dress that hugs her body in all the right places. I immediately feel my member wake up in response. She looks absolutely beautiful. To be honest though, Steffy would look beautiful with a paper bag on her head. Her beauty just shines, takes away from everything else in the room. She's true beauty.
"Hi," I say, slowly walking over to her, giving her a big goofy grin.
"Liam," she states. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you."
"Why? Why would you do that?"
"I need a reason to see you?" I question, lightly playing with her.
"Not exactly, but with the way things are between all of us, I don't think making pit stops in to see me is really the best idea. It's not appropriate. What if Hope walks in right now? I know Finn isn't crazy about us having to spend time together. He's been a gentleman about it, but I know it does bother him."
I walk over to the side of her desk, with only the corner of the desk separating us. My eyes wander down her body and back up admiring how beautiful she is. I lean over to her ear, my lips almost touching them. I feel the heat between us rising. I feel my desire for her deepen. I want to say and do more, but I settle and whisper quietly in her ear. "You look beautiful and sexy as hell. I want you. You and our babies belong with me."
I feel her shutter slightly, "Liam, you shouldn't be saying these things. It won't work. I've made my decision."
"Give it time. You will come home to me; I am sure of it."
She clears her throat and side steps me to the conference table on the other side of the room. "What is it you want, Liam?"
I relent and back off her for now. "Couple things," I reply. "I want find out how you are doing and the little bean inside of you?"
She smiles at me slightly, while giving me a confused look. "Little Bean?"
"Yes, Little Bean," he said motioning towards my stomach.
"You named our baby?" she softly smiles.
"Nothing official, but I think it's better than calling it just 'the baby' all the time.
"Touche, you are right. It sounds a little more affectionate too," She puts her hand down on her belly, and smiles down at it, "Little Bean, it is then,"
"B, for short," she smirked up at me, pleasing me with a wink.
I am happy; she didn't hate the name and actually agreed to the nickname. I wasn't sure how she was going to take it.
"How is Little Bean? How are you feeling?"
"Been a little queasy, mornings are rough, especially with Kelly running around and driving me crazy. I am exhausted by 7:00pm and start counting down the minutes until it's time for her to go to bed. Not sleeping that well, but all this comes with the territory. I wouldn't trade these moments."
"Do you need any help? I can relive at least some of the pressure off you with Kelly. I can take her to give you a break. Kelly and I do need some Daddy/Daughter bonding time, just the two of us. It's been awhile since that has happened."
"I'm good. We are good. Amelia has been great, but the biggest help and burden reliving thing has been Finn. He's so good with her. She really enjoys spending time with him. He takes her a lot in the evening, after dinner so I can relax and put my feet up," she lightly laughs.
I grimace with her comments about Finn and Kelly and how close they seem to be, and Finn possibly trying to claim another one of my children.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," she says clearly reading my body language.
"I know it's partly my fault with how close Finn and Kelly are." I nod, "If I was only around more. It's just another regret of mine, another thing that I screwed up in my life."
"Liam," she says turning around to face me. "Kelly absolutely adores and loves her Daddy."
"But, it's still not the same. We've missed so much time together. It's mostly my fault, but it doesn't erase the time we've missed. I haven't always made Kelly a priority or you for that matter."
She looks down sadly. "No, but I understand."
"Out of curiosity, have you told Kelly yet? That she is going to be a big sister soon?"
"No, I wanted to wait until I am a little further along. Maybe tell her when I am out of my first trimester. You know, with my history and being that she's so young, I just thought it'd be best to wait a bit."
I see her body obviously tense up at her comment about her history. She doesn't even have to say it; I know she is worried. I place my hand on her belly. "You know; it's going to be okay. You don't have to do this alone."
"I know, I appreciate it, but it's not necessary. Regardless of what happens when the baby is born, Finn is still stepping up. He's been such a comfort to me. He really has. I am so lucky that he hasn't left. I screwed up, and he didn't deserve what I did to him."
"Steffy," I say trying to comfort her.
"No Liam," she recoils. "It is what it is. It shouldn't have happened."
"Steffy, as corny as this may sound, it was fate and destiny that intervened that night."
Steffy chuckles, and then raises her eyebrows at me, exhaling slowly. "You sound like Hope. That is something she would say."
"It's true though, we are forever written in the stars." I bring my hand up to her face and run my thumb over her cheek. I look into her eyes, "We will be together again. Have faith and trust me. I am not going to disappoint you." I keep my hand on her cheek for a second, before running my thumb over her lips. "I love you, Steffy. I would shout it on top of the roof in the dawn of the night, if it meant that you would come back to me." I bring my lips to hers and softly kiss them. She kisses me back for a moment, and it feels so good. Just as I start to let go of all thought, she pulls back away from me.
"Liam, we shouldn't do this." She backs away from me.
I press my luck, "Why?"
"I'm with Finn and you are with Hope."
"Hope is also the other thing I wanted to discuss with you."
Steffy looks confused, before speaking. "Anything that I can do to help you and Hope re—"
"Steffy, stop," I say. "I told you, Hope and I are done. We are done for good. I want you and only you."
"Liam, you and Hope belong together."
"No, WE belong together," I stress, looking straight into her eyes. I gulp and run my hands through my hair. "I told Hope,"
"Told Hope what exactly?"
"I ended it for good with Hope. I told her that my heart has and will always belong to you. I filed divorce papers. It'll be final in about 6 months."
"You shouldn't have done that."
"Why the hell not, Steffy," I ask slightly confused.
"It doesn't change anything between us,"
Her words sting me. I knew, it wasn't going to be that easy to win her back, but I still had a bit of hope that maybe she would surprise me. I knew that she wouldn't come back to me the second I broke things off with Hope for good. It's going to take a lot of work. She doesn't trust me, which I can't blame her for. She doesn't trust that I won't go running back to Hope. If she only knew how truly sorry I am.
"Maybe it doesn't," I say, I walk closer to her again. I lick my lips. "But, there is something I need you to understand, Steffy. If you can't trust or believe anything that I say, please trust this when I say, that I am not going back to Hope ever. I mean it. Regardless, what happens between you and me, I am never going back to Hope and that marriage."
"Liam—"
I took her hand, and squeeze it, "You don't have to say anything Steffy, just know I'm not going back, no matter what."
Steffy stands there saying nothing. She seems shocked. I can only imagine what she was thinking. She's probably wondering who this new Liam is. Sometimes, I am not even sure. The old Liam would be passive, not speaking his mind. Now, I just feel compelled to be assertive, aggressive, make it known what I want, and stick up for myself. I am going after what I want regardless of what others think.
"Are you okay, Steffy?" I ask sincerely.
"I'm fine, it's just this new you, is so different. I can't help but be curious, unsure, but at the same time admire it, and wonder if it'll last. This isn't normal for you." She turns her face away from me before quickly and slightly seductive mumbling, "It's kind of sexy and hot." She immediately blushes red and puts her hand up to her face as to cover what she is feeling.
"Oh really?" I smirk at her regarding her comment. "Welcome to the new normal," I reply.
"I think you should still go," she says abruptly.
"I won't make you anymore uncomfortable. I think what you are feeling, is fear, fear of letting go, and letting us happen. But I will not force you. When you return to me, it'll be on your own accord."
"However, before I go, I want to ask you about your doctor appointments for Little Bean. Have you scheduled any? Have you had your first ultrasound?"
"No, it's scheduled for next week, why?"
"I want to go with you. I want be to see Little Bean on the screen."
"You don't have to come. Finn said that he would come."
A shot of anger pulses through me. Finn is a nice guy, but I can't take the fact that he is playing house with MY family. It's almost as if he's trying to completely erase me from it.
"Steffy, I am the father of Little Bean, it should be me with you, seeing B, on the screen for the first time. Those are our special bonding moments with B, not Finn's or anyone else for that matter. If it goes the way, you think you want; these little moments might be all that I have of Little Bean. Please let me come," I beg. "It would mean the world to me,"
"Okay," she relents. "Tuesday 12:30, at Dr. Philips' office," she confirms.
"I will be there," I promise.
I bring up my hand up to her face once more. "Thank you, Steffy. This means the world to me."
Chapter 10
My hand is still on Steffy's cheek, when her office door flies open. I remove my hand before quickly turning around. It's Brooke.
"No surprise here, you break my daughter's heart to immediately come running to Steffy," Brooke scoffs, putting her hand on her hip. "Have you no shame Steffy? I mean really. You come in and destroy Hope and Liam's marriage, and if that isn't enough, you immediately start making plays for him? Have some compassion and empathy for Hope. She's hurting."
"Brooke, I didn't—"
I place my hand on Steffy's arm, in a sign to let her know to stop. I have this. The Logans may get away with treating people the way they do, but they will not treat Steffy that way. I will not allow it anymore.
"Empathy and compassion for Hope?", I ask. "Where was the compassion and empathy for Steffy, all the times you berated and blamed her for everything that has happened?" I look directly at Brooke, before saying more. "Brooke, do NOT take your anger out on Steffy," I sternly warn. "If you need to take out any angry on anyone, that someone is me. I am the one to blame."
"She seduced you when you were vulnerable."
"Stop it, Brooke ," I glare. "Not that it is any of your business, but Steffy did not seduce me. I don't know what you heard or think you know, but it was consensual. What happened between Steffy and I was inevitable, and I am sorry that Hope got caught up in it and got hurt. But I will not apologize for mine and Steffy's night together. I could go on and on about that night, but it is way too beautiful and personal to include you in that conversation. So, please just butt out."
"She destroyed your marriage. How could you be with someone like that? How could you want to?" she sneers through gritted teeth.
I chuckle a bit, "I don't know Brooke, why don't you tell me how it happens, you have had some experience with that with how many marriages YOU have destroyed or come between. How many times again, did you betray Katie, your own sister with her husband?"
" How dare you! This is not about me," she yells staring angrily at Steffy and I.
"Exactly—" I begin,
"But this is about my daughter, and when someone hurts my daughter, like Steffy obviously did, then I am intervening."
I start to get even angrier as if I am going to blow at just the hypocrisy that surrounds Brooke Logan. I feel Steffy grab my hand and squeeze it.
"Liam," she whispers.
I let go of her hand. "No Steffy. Brooke is not going to get away with talking to you like that."
I look back over at Brooke. "So, how many times Brooke did you and Hope, and even Katie for that matter hurt Steffy? How many times did you circle her like vultures waiting for the kill? Tell me."
Brooke remained silent, completely shocked at my aggressiveness.
"You have no answer for us?" I ask. "How about how many times did you betray your own sister?"
"We only want what is best for Hope. Hope deserves her happily ever after."
I nod, before shaking my head, leaning back into the table for composure. "Yes, what is best for Hope, at the expense of everyone else? You open your legs for every married mean because of your so called 'destiny' and in the process destroy the marriage." I put my hand up towards her. "But it's okay, because it's in the name of destiny."
Brooke's eyes widen and her mouth opens in horror. "How dare you!"
I look quickly over at Steffy, who looks equally as stunned as Brooke, before looking back towards Brooke.
"You know honestly, it's amazing Hope grew up the way she did considering you're her mother. The mother that slept with her oldest daughter's husband, which in turn that's how Hope was conceived."
"You have no idea what you are talking about!" she screams, trying to fight back.
"Liam," Steffy says again grabbing my hand to calm me down. But I am too wound up to even consider winding down.
"No, she's not going to get to do this to everyone. She does not get to condemn and judge in the name of destiny, when she is the biggest hypocrite of all. How dare her."
"You've never given Steffy the benefit of the doubt, or even considered that I actually LOVE her. I have always loved her and I always will."
"But you love Hope, and belong to Hope."
"I belong to no one!" I sneer at her. "But, if I was to belong to anyone it would be Steffy. Steffy is who I love and who I want to be with."
"But all she does is manipulate you and Hope."
"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself, Brooke?" I shake my head.
"Out of curiosity, do you feel any remorse for how Hope was conceived? Is that why you feel the need to constantly fight her battles, and ultimately not let her grown up?"
"Hope is a wonderful, good, kind, and caring sweet girl, but I am not her destiny. You as her mother need to stop filling her head with lies, that Steffy is the enemy and that Steffy is the one in the way of 'our destiny'. It's simply not true and ultimately it's not fair to Hope. Hope is still a little girl in many ways, more or less because of you being her mother."
"Just so we are clear on this, none of this is Steffy's fault. I LOVE Steffy and I want to be with Steffy—"
"Even if that's the case," she begins cutting me off, "Why would you want to be with someone who clearly is and wants to be committed to someone else?"
I shake my head, "I don't know Brooke, maybe you can help me by answering that question," I pose sarcastically to her. "I am going to fight for Steffy and I am going to win her back, and that's all you need to know."
"But what about Hope and the family you have with her?"
"Mmmm….so my family with Steffy should mean nothing?" I ask nastily taking another jab at her. It feels so good and freeing to be able to say these things that have been quietly in my mind for years."
"I didn't say that."
"You didn't have to."
I soften a bit towards Brooke, who still seems like she's fuming. "Look Brooke, I will always love Hope, she gave me Beth. I will always be there for her, but I am IN LOVE with Steffy. Steffy is who I want to be with. I grab Steffy's hand. "She is my destiny."
Brooke continues to just stare at me as if she speechless. "You are making a mistake Liam. Steffy will disappoint you in some way or another. That's what's inevitable and when you want to go back to Hope to lick your wounds, Hope won't be an option."
"I've already told Steffy, and I will tell you as well. No matter what happens between Steffy and me, I am not going to ever go back to Hope. I am closing that chapter of my life, regardless of what Steffy decides."
"You are gonna be sorry, Liam," she huffs before turning around to walk out the door.
"And Brooke," I say trying to get her attention before she opens the door. "I do have one more request."
She turns to face me, glaring at me in the process. "What?" she angrily asks.
"I am asking you kindly, to not take any of your anger out on Steffy. Do not harass her or guilt her, or make her feel bad. She doesn't need the stress, nor does she need to endure judgment from anyone. Where we are now, is strictly because of my indecision. It's not because of anything Steffy has done or not done. If you feel the need to say something, you say it to me. Leave her out of it. Do you understand? I hope that we are clear on this."
She says nothing else before she turning around annoyed and marching out of Steffy's office, slamming the door behind her.
Chapter 11
I sigh loudly in relief that Brooke is gone. She's so exhausting and like a broken record. I do feel bad that Hope has her for a mother.
My thoughts drift away about Brooke, and my attention is on Steffy. I turn towards her and cup her face in my hands. "Are you okay?" I ask softly.
"I am okay," she sighs. She looks down, and then back up at me. "That was pretty intense. I am sure she hates us now."
I chuckle in surprise. "Steffy Forrester, you are worried about Brooke Logan hating you?"
She laughs, and then looks up at me with those big hazel eyes. I see so much emotion behind her eyes. I know that she's holding a lot in and that she doesn't want to be vulnerable to me.
"No, but you know it's not over, right?"
"Probably not, but I don't care. I will keep saying it and saying it until they get it through their thick heads," I reply while smirking right at her. I want her. "I do not want Hope. I want you, and only you. I truly hope that Hope finds someone to love her the way I love you. I do want that for her. She deserves it. I am just done with the games and back and forth and pretending that I am that man."
I sigh and run my hand through my hair. "I should get going. I'll let you get back to work."
She nods in agreement, "Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I am swamped here."
"I know. I'm going; I'll get out of your hair."
"I'll call you about the doctor's the appointment," Steffy says reminding me.
"Great, thank you. I'll see you soon then."
"Okay."
I turn to leave. I grabbed the door handle to open it, when Steffy begins to say my name.
"Hey, Liam?"
I turn around to see her slowly walking over to me. I stare at her and in a second am mesmerized by her. When she reaches me, I notice that there are only mere inches between us, if that. I feel my heart start racing and the sexual tension and heat begin to rise again.
"Thank you. It meant the world to me."
She brings her hand up to my cheek and rubs her fingers through my scruff, moving her thumb back and forth on my chin. I close my eyes and sigh pleasurably. She knows that it drives me insane. What is she doing to me? My member immediately awakens at her gesture.
I open my eyes and she's staring right into mine. It's taking all my strength to not take her into my arms and kiss her passionately. Before I can even think about it any further, she presses her lips into mine. She lingers the kiss for a moment, before slightly parting her lips.
I bring my hand up to her face, and I make a quick move before she changes her mind, and lightly force her mouth open a bit more in order to grant my tongue access. She willingly lets go, and gives me the entrance that I so desperately want. Our tongues continue to dance together, before her arms come up and she runs her fingers through my hair and down the nape of my neck. Her deep sensual scratches go right to my groin. I groan with pleasure. I do not know what she is doing, but I am taking full advantage of it.
She brings her hand up to my tie and forces it loose, before reaching for the buttons on my shirt. Two could play this game, I smiled to myself. I reach down subtly and lock her office door. Without breaking our kiss, I bring my hand up to opening of her blazer and tug it off her. I throw it on the floor next to her, before reaching back up to the zipper that is on her dress. I slowly unzip her as if I am unwrapping a Christmas present. The excitement is unbearable.
Steffy breaks the kiss, stepping back a bit, before letting her dress fall off her and onto the floor. She stood in front of me in a black lace bra, g-string and her black high heels. Once seeing her again in that way, I knew that there would be no turning back. I had to have her right then.
I walk over to her, in just my suit pants, and bend down slightly to pick her up in my arms, as I kiss her. Not breaking the kiss, I walk over with her to the couch and set her down. She's panting slightly. I see want for me in her eyes. I lean down to begin kissing her again, when her office phone rings.
We are jolted quickly back into reality. I lift back up, so she could get up.
"I should get that," she says awkwardly, as I stand up. She grabs one of the fashion robes hanging in the corner of her office to tie around herself so she could answer the phone.
"Yes?" I hear her say while tying her robe. I begin to pick up the clothes and get dressed. I am wondering quietly to myself what the heck just happened between us and exactly what it means.
I wait only a couple minutes to see if she is going to be quick on the phone, or if it's a longer call, like a conference call.
After another minute or two, I decide that it's best to go. I quietly motion to her that I am leaving and for her to call me, before walking out and shutting the door behind me.
Chapter 12
"What time are you meeting Steffy?" Wyatt asks. I started staying at Wyatt a few days ago. He hounded me again about coming to stay with him at least until I found another place to make a home. I didn't want to at first, but I needed a place outside of a hotel for my girls to come to when they visited.
"She actually wanted to meet me here, and go together."
"I am kind of surprised," Wyatt said. "With everything you have told me, she seems to be trying hard to keep her distance from you."
I nod. "I know, I don't know really what is going through her head, honestly. I am surprised by this."
I am not lying; I really don't know what's going on in that beautiful head of hers. She is driving me nuts.
I have filled in Wyatt on most of everything that gone on in the past week or so, breaking up with Hope, my declaration of love to Steffy and my plans to win her back, to the show down I had with Brooke. I did conveniently leave out the part of what happened after Brooke left Steffy's office.
Steffy's been mum on it as well. I haven't heard from her since I left her office on the day we almost made love again. I received a few text messages from her yesterday regarding the ultrasound appointment today. She wanted to meet here and go together, which is fine by me. I've been craving to get alone time with her. I just wanted time with her, where we could relax, enjoy each other's company and remember who we are together. Those quiet, yet fun moments are one of the things that I miss the most. They were so intimate and special.
A minute later there is a knock on the door. I grab my jacket, before heading to the door. Wyatt opens the door.
"Hi Steffy," he says, opening the door further so she can step inside.
"Hi Wyatt," she smiles at him. "How is everything?"
"Everything is good. By the way congratulations! This is the first time I've seen you since Liam told me that you were pregnant." Wyatt looks over at my slyly before looking back at Steffy. "Liam is so happy over this baby. He's constantly walking around here with a big goofy smile.
"Dude, really!"
Steffy laughs. She looks over at me and gives me a half smile, kind of lightening up the mood a bit. "I know how much this baby means to Liam."
I break the awkwardness. "Are you ready to go? We don't want to be late to see Little Bean."
"Little Bean?" Wyatt asks unsure.
"It's the baby's nickname," Steffy answers Wyatt's obvious silent question.
"Oh, that's so cute," he sarcastically jokes.
"You are an idiot, Wyatt." I say rolling my eyes at him, before turning back towards Steffy. "Let's go."
I shut the door behind us and lead Steffy down the steps to the driveway. "So, I'll meet you over there," I say standing in front of my car door.
"Come with me, Liam."
I don't argue, but walk over to the passenger side door to her car. I am a bit surprised that Finn isn't here, but I don't push it or ask. Personally, I am happy that he isn't here.
"This just makes more sense," she says buckling herself in, before starting up the car.
We ride in awkward silence for a few minutes. The tension between us could be felt miles away. I knew we both had the same thing on our minds, but neither one of us had the courage at the moment to bring it up.
The silence became more awkward the longer we were in the car. I couldn't take it any longer.
"Uh, do you think we should talk about what happened between us last week in your office?" I ask uncomfortably, while shifting awkwardly in my seat.
"Yes," she answers to my surprise. "But not now, let's talk after we see B. I don't want there to be attention or awkwardness between us while we are at the appointment. Little Bean needs peace and relaxing. B doesn't need the tension or negativity.
I had to wonder what that meant exactly, but I decided not to push it, and just agree. "No, you are absolutely right."
We were able to get in to see Dr. Philips a little earlier than our scheduled appointment. She came in soon after we got into the room.
"Steffy, good too see…." She stopped, and looked up from the clipboard she was holding at me. "Liam," she said with confusion in her voice. I already know what the confusion is for. She was Hope's doctor as well. She lifted her eyebrow out me. "Well, this is certainly a bit of a surprise. It's nice to see families get reunited. It's good to see the both of you."
Steffy looks quickly up at me before turning her attention towards Dr. Philips. "We actually aren't together, it's a long story."
"But Liam is the father right?" Dr. Philips asks.
"Yes," Steffy and I say together.
Dr. Philips lightens her mood up. "Well either way, it is good to see the two of you together. Now, let's get a good look at that darling baby of yours," she says as she puts her rubber gloves on.
"Lift your shirt up a bit, Steffy."
Steffy lifts her shirt before Dr. Philips squirts the gel onto her stomach. Steffy flinches quickly at its coolness.
I take Steffy's hand in mine.
Dr. Philips moves the probe around Steffy's belly before settling on Steffy's lower abdomen. A second later we hear the most precious sound.
"There it is," Dr. Philips confirmed. "That's your baby's heart beat." She pointed to the screen to show us.
"It's the most gratifying and soothing sound in the world," Steffy smiles. "It just melts away any negativity and makes you feel peaceful."
"I completely agree," I say squeezing her hand.
"I am just taking a few measurements, but it looks like you are right where you need to be. Everything looks wonderful. You can't see too much, but here is the head, and arms and legs."
I look down at Steffy and her face has just lit up with so much pride and joy for Little Bean. I understand her feelings because I feel the exact same way.
"It's amazing, isn't it?" she asks.
"Yeah," I nod knowing exactly what she's referring to.
"Just knowing that I'm carrying this sweet little life, no matter how it came to be. Hearing their heartbeat, it's so…"
"Powerful," I finish. "It sweeps over your entire body, everything."
She smiles up at me, "Exactly."
"You are far enough along, Steffy; I'm pretty sure I can tell. Do you want to know the sex?"
"It's your choice, Liam."
"Really, you mean that?" I ask.
She nods, "This is your baby too, and I am okay with anything you decide."
"Thank you. Yes, I want to know."
Dr. Philips looks at the screen for a moment.
"Say hello to your baby boy."
"It's a boy?" I ask for confirmation, already grinning from ear to ear.
"Yes," Dr. Philips confirms.
"It's a little boy, Liam, a son."
I squeeze her hand, "A son," I repeat back.
"Congratulations, you two."
"Thank you, Dr. Philips, thank you," I express.
"Steffy, I will see you in a few weeks for a follow up appointment."
Steffy nods, "Yes, thank you again, Dr. Philips."
Dr. Philips turns towards us again before leaving the room, "I don't know exactly what is going on between you, but I can see how much love there is still between you, and I hope whatever it is between you, I hope it works out."
"A boy, can you believe it?" I say still in shock, on the drive back from Dr. Philips' office.
"I'm so over the moon excited. Mommy's little boy," she smiles.
"Daddy's little man, my guy," I say proudly say.
Steffy looks quickly over at me with a grimace on her face. I know exactly what she's thinking. It's the same thought that crossed over my mind.
"Liam, this baby's father is going to be Finn," she reminds me.
I sigh solemnly. "Finn won't be the father. We will be back together before then, raising our children,"
"Liam, " she says giving me a stern look.
"Steffy, you tell yourself whatever you need to tell it, but I am telling you we will be together."
"You always sound so sure of it, when you say it."
"It's because I am sure. I feel it. We will get there."
"I just don't want you to be disappointed," Steffy confesses. "Let's stop for coffee, so we can talk."
We pull into the coffee shop that's right off the board walk, around the corner from Wyatt's beach house. We both get a latte and find a private booth in the shop to talk.
"Steffy, what is going on? You are driving me insane. I've never met a woman, like you that drives me insane like this because I can't read what you are thinking. Remember Steffy, no matter what is going on good or bad, we can always talk to one another. No judgments ever.
She nods before taking a sip of her drink. "No, you are right."
"Last week," she says looking down at her hands. I can tell she's nervous.
"Last week," she repeats. "it was a mistake; it shouldn't have happened. We almost—almost…"
"Made love," I finish.
"Yes."
"That damn phone, " I softly growl.
"Liam, this is serious. It shouldn't have happened. We got way too carried away. I should've just let you walk out that door. I almost betrayed Finn again."
"Steffy, there is nothing to regret. The only regret, I truly have is the phone ringing. I do have no doubt, if that phone did not ring that we would've indeed made love."
I reach over to take her hands and bring them up to my lips. "Before that phone rang, it was wonderful. We clicked, like always and even though we did not actually make love, it was as if our souls did. Even though, we shared minimal words, your body told me, everything I need to know. You still want me, and still want to be with me. You love me just as much as I love you."
She sighs almost exasperated, "Liam, it's not the point. It doesn't matter what I may or may not feel for you. I am with Finn, and I am starting a life, a fresh start with Finn. I can't screw this up again."
Steffy sighs and lifts her arm up in the air.
"Look me in the eye and tell me that you truly regret what happened in your office last week and that you do not want to be with me."
Steffy remains silent while continuing to look down at her cup.
"See you can't do it," I smirk. I know her so well.
"Steffy, you need to be honest with yourself about what you want, and who you want. You can lie all you want to me, to Finn, to whoever, but you can't lie to yourself. I truly believe that you are lying to yourself. You are saying you want Finn, and pushing being with Finn, because you don't want to risk us again, or getting hurt. No one excites you, like I do. So, you play it safe, and say you want to be with Finn, even though we both know that is not the truth. You didn't cheat on Finn," I say looking directly into her eyes. She gives me a confused look. "You've been cheating on me and your heart when you deny every day what we are and could be."
"Liam, that's not true," she tries to defend, and hide. But looking at her, her body language it's telling me something completely different. "There's nothing wrong with safe. Safe can still make you happy."
"Safe is okay, up until the point, that it stops you from going after what your heart desires."
She remained silent, because she knows it was true.
"I don't know what I need to do to show you, I'm in this. God, Steffy, I ache for you. Whatever you want, I'll do it. I'll be whatever it is you need me to. I want our family. I want that happily ever after. I want to sit out on the patio with a cup of tea, watching the sun go down over the ocean. I want to watch our kids run back and forth in the yard. Kelly and Little Bean are not where I want to stop. I want several mini you and me's roaming around this property. I want to hold you, love you and remind you every day how precious you truly are. I want to come home, to our home. The cliff house will never be just your home, or yours and Finn's home. That is our home. That's where our memories, history and love exist. I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, the pain I've caused you. You just need to have faith and trust me. I am not going to let you down."
"I know," she confesses.
"Just think about it," I ask.
She nods.
She picks up her purse and throws it over her shoulder. "Are you ready to go?"
In a minute, I say. "There's actually something else, I want to ask you."
Steffy's eyes widen. "I'm a little nervous as to what your question is."
"Don't worry, it's nothing that deep," I wink. "I was just wondering, since you are past your first trimester and everything looks okay, if you've given any thought of when you will tell Kelly about B?"
"It will be soon, maybe in the next couple days. Why?"
"I want to be there when you tell her. We should tell her together, as her Mommy and Daddy."
Steffy nods in agreement. "No, you are right. We should tell her together."
"Good."
"We can do it next Friday, when you come to pick up Kelly."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Thank you, Steffy. I really appreciate all that you are doing to include me and let me be part of our son's life, even if it only gets to be for a short while."
Chapter 13
I woke up today feeling great. I've been on a semi high for the past few days, with how things have been sort of going with Steffy. It does seem like she is softening towards me. I know for sure that she still wants me; it's just about getting her to admit it herself and come back to me.
I've been in the office since early this morning, working. I didn't get much sleep last night as today is the day that Steffy and I are telling Kelly about her new baby brother. My heart is so full at the thought of telling Kelly and seeing what her reaction is to being an older sister.
An hour or so later, there is a knock on my office door.
"Come in," I say without looking up from the stack of papers sitting on my desk, continuing to write.
It's quiet for a moment, before I look up and see that it is Finn standing by the door.
"Finn," I say looking at him inquisitively, wondering why exactly he is here. Just then a quick flash went through my mind about Steffy and Kelly. Oh my God is something wrong with them? Did something happen? Finn continues to just stare at my, his eyes filled with anger.
"Liam," he says glaring at me, "We need to have a conversation," he says sternly, before shutting the door behind him.
I look perplexed, scared and nervous. I already know my face shows what I am probably thinking. "Okay, um—um, is it—um, Steffy?" My eyes widen, "Kelly, or the baby?"
Finn's eyes soften a bit, but still remain situated on me. "No, everyone is fine. I just figured that it was time, you and I had a conversation."
I pretend to look confused, and not know what he is talking about, "A conversation about what, Finn?" I ask playing dumb. I know exactly what he is going to bring up. I wonder if Steffy told him about what happened between us in her office last week.
"Don't play with me Liam, that innocent act you have going may work on Steffy and Hope, but it won't work on me."
"Tell me what this about then," I say lifting my hand up in exasperation. I'm tired of beating around the bush.
"It's about you and Steffy, obviously, and that game that you are trying to play with her again. I am here to tell you, to back off that it won't work. She's done with you, and she's moving on with me and 'our" baby.
I scratch my head and chuckle slightly, "Our baby, as in yours and Steffy?"
"Yes, that is what I said. You may be that baby's biological father, but make no mistake, when Steffy gives birth, it'll be me signing the birth certificate, and Steffy and I will be getting married. Then you will be out of our lives for good. That baby she is carrying will be my son. You will be nothing, but the sperm donor."
I am a bit surprised at his aggressiveness. "That's pretty ballsy of you. You seem pretty adamant about that. That is OUR child, mine and Steffy's, I have ever right to be involved in the child's life, and to be OUR baby's Daddy. I have much more right than you will ever have."
"I am," he pushes. "You are done, you are not going to come in here and mess up Steffy's life any time you need comfort, or are hurting. You are not going to use Steffy as a crutch, to get over your emotional state. Steffy deserves more. I am going to fight for Steffy, and save her from you," he shoots at me fiercely.
"I will agree with you on that, Steffy does deserve more than I've given her. She is extraordinary and I haven't always treated her as such, and for that I have regret more than anyone will ever know. "
"I'm glad you can at least admit that much. Maybe you aren't conscious of it, but it doesn't change the fact that you are constantly hurting her and Hope with you selfish agenda. That is over now. I am going to protect Steffy from that, from you,"
"Steffy, doesn't need protection from me," I fire back at him. "Regardless of what is going on, Steffy is the mother of my children, I will always be there for her. Whether you like it or not, I am here to stay, and you can't do anything about it. I will always be here."
"You think this is a game to you, Liam? Do you have any idea what you are doing to her, or Hope for that matter? Do you even care? I don't know what Hope or Steffy saw in you. You are actually a pretty pathetic person,"
"Not that it's your business, Finn, but I know what I lost in Steffy, I know how deeply that I've hurt her. I love and care for her more than anything. I only want her happiness. Same thing, with Hope, I know how much I've hurt Hope."
"Why don't you try reconciling and fixing things with Hope if you are so inclined?" He pauses, "I'm not going to let you hurt Steffy anymore. I actually care and love her. I won't walk away from her because she has disappointed me. People make mistakes, but we still need to sometimes choose forgiveness. You can't seem to do that. You use it as an excuse to go back and forth between these two women, when really Liam, it's not them that is the problem it's you; you are a 'love the one you're with' person, while pining for the other. You become restless and aren't happy for long. I'm sure if you could, you would want to have them both. Both of them have forgiven you countless times, have let you come back, but the second one of them steps out of line, you go running to the other for comfort. Forget about what that might be doing emotionally to these two women, it's all about your needs."
I flinch a bit at his all true words.
"You know Thomas warned me about this. Warned me that eventually you would circle around back to Steffy, and hurt her once again." Finn cocks his head to the side before furrowing his eyebrows. "He told me, and I just brushed it off, because it seemed like a really far out theory. But Thomas was right."
"Finn—"
"You think I would've known what I was getting into after Thomas told me that and explained your history with Steffy. You think I would've known by every time I came into her house and had to stare up at the picture of you and her. It being up there was probably just another way to get your ego stroked, and have some kind of hold on Steffy."
"That's not what that picture is about," I defend. "it's for Kelly."
"Are you really going to go with that, Liam? I mean could you for once just be honest? If that picture was really for Kelly, it would be at most in her room, not in the center of the house that the two of you once shared."
I look down not meeting his eye. He is reading me like a book. Everything he is saying is true.
"Don't worry, you don't even have to answer that, I already know the answer," he says confidently. "And just for a little FYI, Steffy took the picture down of you guys the other day. It's now up in the attic. At this point, it doesn't even get to be regulated to Kelly's room."
I blink quickly in shock at this revelation, it wounds me deeply. Finn is right; I never wanted to see that come down. As long as it hung up there, I knew that we had chance.
Finn walks a little closer to me; his face softens a bit from his scowl. "So, Liam, do you mean what you say Liam? Do you mean that all you want is Steffy's happiness, and nothing more? Or is there a hidden agenda here?"
I sigh, I want to be completely honest with how I feel and my agenda when it comes to Steffy, but I didn't want to really get into a fist fight in my office.
"The only agenda that I have is Steffy's happiness, no matter what the cost is to me. I won't lie. I love Steffy. I will always love her that is never going to change. I know I've hurt her and I don't want to do that anymore."
"Good, so then stay away. You don't have to concern yourself anymore, with who is protecting Steffy, who is there for Steffy. I HAVE this."
"I'm not done yet," I say to Finn, staring at him,
"I want Steffy—"
"I'm sure you do, you are afraid of losing her. Hope doesn't want you, so let's go get girl #2," he fights back. "Steffy doesn't want you. I don't know what it is going to take for you to get that through your head."
"Let me finish, Finn,"
"I am not going back to Hope," I hold up a file that is on my desk in front of me to show him. "You see this? These are divorce papers. I have started the process. Regardless of what our future holds, I am not going back to Hope, ever. She's not the love of my life, Steffy is."
Finn rolls his eyes, "Divorce papers, that's very honorable of you," he says sarcastically.
"It's not fair to Hope. She deserves more. I've been in love with Steffy since I rescued her from the tub all those years ago, and I wanted to go back to her, when she "gifted" me to Hope. There was nothing I could do, but to bury them. Hope needed me then, so it wasn't all just black and white."
"Well clearly, she had made her choice then,"
"Look Finn, what I am getting at is I love her, and I will always love her. I am going to fight for her and will spend my life showing her that I've changed, but I will not force her to come back to me, and will not make her feel bad for whatever choice she makes, but I am not giving up. She will come back to me on her own accord. I feel it. It is only a matter of time."
"Keep filling your head with those ideas," Finn sneers.
"I think you know it and believe it too," I add, "If you didn't believe it, you wouldn't be this insecure, and you definitely wouldn't be here dishing out ultimatums to me. I think Steffy is starting to soften towards me, and see that I am a changed man, and that I am going to do what it takes to win her back."
I can see Finn's face start to turn red. "You have no idea what you are talking about."
"I don't, huh?" I question feeling pretty confident in myself, silently remember how we almost made love in her office, not too long ago. I so want to throw it in Finn's face, but I can't do it, knowing how the repercussions could affect Steffy.
"It stops now," he yells. "All of it." He sighs, before gritting his teeth. "I will not allow Steffy to get sucked back in,"
"That's not your choice, and when it comes to this baby, Steffy and I have an agreement, that I will see through, whether you like it or not."
"You must be really nervous, that Steffy is going to come back to me. You are being ridiculous. Steffy and I have an agreement."
"Yeah, Steffy told me about the agreement and I do not approve of it at all. She'd be better off if you just did it now. Stop putting her through this. You need to respect what we have. Your time is over."
"Why are you acting like this? Steffy allows this time for me and our son, and if she still wants to be with you still by the time that our son is born, then I will sign those papers, even though it'll crush me and big the biggest devastation of my life. Do you know why I will do that, when I could very well easily go and file for custody? I will do that if it's what Steffy really wants, because I love her, and I want her to be happy, even if it's without me."
"Did Steffy say something to you that you are acting this crazy? When Steffy and I went to the doctor's the other day, she made it seem like everything was okay between you and her, and now…"
It then hits me; I know what this is about. "I just realized, I know what this is about now."
"Oh you do? Enlighten me then," Finn sarcastically presses.
"Did Steffy ask you not to come to the ultrasound with us? Are you upset that we went together?"
Finn remains silent.
"Huh. Your silence is confirming my suspicions."
I almost smirk at this silent revelation. I'm pretty sure that is exactly what this is about.
"Your silence is telling," I continue.
"You don't know what you are talking about Liam."
I smile to myself, feeling confident because I am now able to call him out, like he's done to me today.
"Did she tell you to stay home? That she thought it was a good idea if it was just her and I that went?" I needle. "Or did she tell you, that since I am actually the father, that it should be me that should go and not you? Are you jealous that we went together and bonded over OUR baby, our son?" I smirk at him again, feeling very confident. "Tell me what it is, Finn," I press again.
"That's not it at all," he said.
"I'm not buying it. You are insecure and you do feel threatened by me. There is no denying it."
"I am protecting Steffy from you."
"If that is what you need to tell yourself, go ahead. But, let me give you a piece of advice Finn.
"This should be good," Finn says through gritted teeth, and then sarcastically laughs.
"Most women aren't into the whole insecurity thing, clingy thing. I can tell you one thing for sure, that is not Steffy. She's a strong independent woman, who is bold, strong and makes great decisions. She doesn't need any man pressuring her or guilting her. Personally, I think that the only reason she's with you because she wants safe. She rather have safe and settle, then risk the unknown of us, and the potential that we have together. She's not clueless to what it's like to be sharing a life with me. She remembers what it is like, and all the incredible moments that we have shared together. She hasn't nor will ever forget our connection or the intensity of that connection. It may scare her, right now, because she knows what we are like when we are together and the possibility that with all things resolved between us, more or less my issues and all the pain that I have caused her, that the fairytale happily ever after, ride into the sunset is actually attainable to us."
I pick up the file with the divorce papers, bringing it up to flash them in front of Finn's face in order to hopefully add a bit more salt to the wounds. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to be."
Chapter 14
I pull into the cliff house driveway, a little earlier than expected. I make sure that I have that folder to show Steffy, how serious I am.
I have so many emotions going through my head. I'm excited, but also a bit nervous to tell Kelly that she's going to be a big sister. She's been the apple of both mine and Steffy's eyes for a long time. She was my first princess, and there is no doubt in my mind, that one day, she will be a queen just like her mom is. If Kelly could turn out even half like Steffy, she'd be lucky. Every time, I look at Kelly from the moment she was born, all I see is love, it's all I ever wanted to feel. When I first held her, I realized how much I loved Steffy. I felt more for Steffy after Kelly's birth than I had ever felt. All the pain we had endured the months prior to Kelly's birth was now meaningless.
It's been a joy to watch her grow. She's the perfect mix of Steffy and I. She has my color hair and thin like mine. She has Steffy's eyes, but my cheeks and lips. She has long legs like her mom and is a social butterfly also like her mom. Even though she is like her mom in that respect, she's very reserved, like me. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect daughter, and I truly look forward to the time that I get to spend with her. I can't wait to see her reaction when we tell her, and when she sees her baby brother for the first time.
"Hey you," Steffy says opening the door wider for me.
"Hi," I smile, before stepping inside. My eyes immediately glance upon Steffy. She is wearing jeans and a tight hugging shirt. It's a shirt that clearly exemplifies her growing baby bump. She must be around 17 or 18 weeks or so. I am actually surprised that with how smart Kelly is that she hasn't noticed Steffy's body changing. This woman seriously looks good in everything. She's so beautiful. I quickly scan the area for any signs of Finn. I am wondering why he didn't rush right over here after our heated exchange. My eyes pan towards the bedroom door, when I notice it. It is the bare wall, where we once hung. Finn was not lying when he said it was taken down. Heart break comes over me, at the sight. I inwardly sigh sadly. I want to mention it to her, but I know it's not really worth the fight.
"Is Kelly still sleeping?" I ask.
"No, she is on her way home with Amelia. Amelia took her out for some ice cream."
"That's nice of Amelia," I say.
"Yeah, another person that I am so thankful that we have in our lives," she replies. "She's amazing, and Kelly absolutely adores her."
"Speaking of Kelly, I am curious how you've hidden this little bump from her and if she's asked any questions. Our girl is quite perceptive; I'm surprised that she hasn't taken notice."
"I've been trying to be very careful around her. I've been wearing a lot of baggy and loose fitting clothes to hide the bump. Whenever she tries jumping on me, I feign not feeling well."
I chuckle, "So, really then how are you feeling?" I ask. I place my hand on her firm belly, and look down at it. "And how are you Little Bean?" I smile down at her belly.
"B is good. We are both good. I just started recently feeling the flutters inside, especially in the mornings."
"You mean kicks?" I asked my hand still on her belly.
"Yes, they are becoming more regular,"
Just then I feel a soft tap against my hand. If she didn't tell me she was feeling flutters, I would've never even taken notice to that; I would've just passed it off as air bubbles.
"Did you feel that?" She asked placing her hand over mine. "There, right there again," she says as pushes my hand slightly into her belly.
I smile at her, "He's pretty good a making sure that Mom and Dad know he is there."
She returns my smile, and we drop our hands from her belly.
We are silent for just a moment, before I ask her what I am dying to know. "I notice that Finn isn't here. I figured he would be especially how everything is between all of us. He might need to watch me like a hawk in fear that I might do something to hurt you or steal you away."
"You can't really blame him, Liam."
I shake my head, "No, you're right I can't"
"He told me though about the confrontation between you two at Spencer."
"Good," I said. "I have nothing to hide. Everything I said, I have said to you and I have been honest."
"I know, but you have to understand where he is coming from Liam," she says while trying to get comfortable on the couch.
"I think he's very insecure personally, but hey, that's fine because he's just making my job easier."
"Liam, none of this is fair to him. Just like Little Bean, he is innocent in all this. He has done nothing but been good to us. He's a good guy, and I still want to be with him, I want to make it work for us."
"Steffy, if he really is the guy for you, he will be understanding to what you want and will be able to withstand, anything that he thinks, that I am trying to do, to undermine your relationship." I give her a quick kiss, quickly enough that she can't react to it or think about it. "We will work out."
She gives me a stern look, "Liam, which is exactly what you are trying to do." She rolls her eyes lovingly at me.
"Okay, perfect example, if I am trying to do that, then it'll give him the perfect opportunity to prove that you and him are meant to be.
I lightly bump into her, trying to lighten the mood between us. She laughs at the gesture.
"I miss this," I say
"Miss what?" she questions.
"Miss us; miss these quiet moments together, the silly and fun moments that we have shared together."
"Liam," she gulps, "We can't go back. We have to move on. We will always have those memories, they are our memories and no one can take them from us, but we can't keep doing this. We both deserve happiness, and if we are continually living in the past, neither of us will find that true happiness. You need to let us go. I know it's hard, it's hard for me too, but it's the best thing. I don't want to hurt you Liam, you will always have a place in my heart, and you are our children's father, those things can never be erased. But, we can't dwell on it,"
"Tell me, Steffy, how am I supposed to do that? How am I supposed to just walk away from you, us and everything that we've shared? How am I supposed to look at you and not want to take you in my arms?"
"Liam," she says.
"It's okay, Steffy, you don't have to answer that, I already know the answer."
A moment later, I notice her eyes drift over slowly to the folder sitting besides me. "You are wondering what that is?" I asked.
"Curious," she replies. "Wondering why you brought it with you."
"It's something that I want to show you. Maybe this will prove to you that I am serious when I say that I want to be with you and only you." I pass the folder to her. "
She takes the folder from me. She looks up at me and then back down at the folder before opening it.
I see her eyes widen a bit as she reads what's in the folder. "Is this? You are divorcing Hope? You are really going to go through with this?" she asks almost inaudible.
"Yes," I say grabbing her hand in mine. "This is what's best for Hope, for all of us. It's what needs to be done."
"Liam—"
I rub my thumb over her hand. "Like I told you before Steffy, regardless of where we end up, Hope and I are done. She is not who I want to be fighting for. Hope and I were over long before that night between us. "
"How does she feel about it?"
"It doesn't matter how she feels about it. It's moot point, because I don't want to be with her."
"You are really going to go through this?" she asks again.
"Yes, I am."
She hugs me, squeezing me tightly before speaking. "I am so sorry, Liam. Regardless of the circumstances, a marriage ending is never easy. You and Hope have been through a lot. I can relate to what she is going through. I can't imagine what you are going through."
I recoil slightly at her comment about relating, "I'm sorry, Steffy, for all that I put you through and to the things that I did that ultimately led to our divorces and annulments." I rub her back and kiss her cheek softly.
A few minutes later, the door flies open and Kelly come scampering in with Amelia, close behind her. She immediately sees me.
"Daddy!" she screams, as she bypasses Steffy and jumps onto my lap.
"Hi baby girl," I grin widely as I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tightly. "How was your ice cream? What flavor did you have?"
I vaguely see Steffy get up and say goodbye to Amelia before she sits back down on the couch next to us.
"What are you doing here? Mommy didn't tell me that you were coming."
"We wanted to surprise you," I smile at her, pushing her hair behind her ear. "We also have another surprise for you in a couple minutes."
"I get a surprise? What is it, Daddy? Tell me; tell me, what is it? Is it a toy?" she playfully harasses.
"Relax Kelly," Steffy soothes. "What do you think Daddy, should we give her the surprise? Do you think she's ready for it?" Steffy playfully asks, before tickling Kelly.
"I don't know…. what do you think Kelly, are you ready?"
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"
Steffy nods at me, giving me the okay. I wrap my arms around Kelly and give her one more even bigger squeeze. "How would you like it if your job as big sister grew? How would you like a little baby brother that you could be a big sister to?"
Kelly smiles and without hesitation answers," I would like that, Daddy."
"Good, because Mommy has your baby brother in her belly, right now. He will be a here in a few months and you will be promoted again to a second sibling. You will be an older sister to a sister AND brother."
She looks down finally at Steffy's belly, and her eyes grow big at the site of Steffy's belly. She looks up at me, with curious little eyes, "A baby is in there, Daddy?" she questions, pointing down at Steffy's stomach.
I smile. "Yes, there is,"
Steffy grabs Kelly's hand and places it on her belly. "Sometimes, if you place your hand on Mommy's belly, you'll feel your baby brother kicking. He will start kicking a lot over the next couple weeks."
"Mommy, will this baby live with us and Finn?"
Steffy smiles down at her and caresses her hair. "Of course he will. Why do you think he wouldn't live with us?"
"Well, Beth doesn't live with us."
Steffy nods, "No, you are right she doesn't, but that's because I am not Beth's Mommy. Aunt Hope is."
Kelly gets silent for a minute. It's very easy to tell that she is brooding over something.
"What is it Kelly?" I prompt.
"Who is the baby's daddy?"
I look quickly at Steffy. She's already looking at me with the same look that I am giving her.
I go with my gut. "I am your baby brother's daddy too. You will have to share me a bit with him, I hope that's okay," I smile down at her. "But no matter what, you will always be my number one princess." I look over at Steffy, "And Mommy will always be my queen." I snuggle her a little closer. "Mommy and Daddy love you so much; Kelly and we will always make time for you. Always be there for you and love you. You can always count on that."
"Daddy, does this mean that you, Beth and Aunt Hope are going to come live with us?"
I look at Steffy, then back at Kelly. I desperately want to tell her, that I will be coming back home, just me, but I did not want to get her hopes up.
"Not necessarily," I reply, "but you, Mommy and I will spend lots of time together with the new baby." I can't outright say yes to it even if I know it'll happen one day, but I can't say no, because I know that I will be back here, at home with them, it's just a matter of time."
"Does the baby have a name?" Kelly wiggles.
"Not yet," Steffy says, "We've been calling the baby Little Bean or B, but that's just a temporary name until we all decide on a name that we love and can agree on, a name that fits your brother."
She looks up at me and then Steffy. "I have a name, Mr. McSquiggles," she announces to us proudly.
I smile at her. "I don't know if that will be the final choice, but we will add that to the list." I ruffle her hair, "Do you know how much Mommy and Daddy love you?" I ask Kelly.
"This much,' she says opening up her arms.
"More than that baby," Steffy says. "Do you want Daddy and I to show you how much we love you?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" she bounced.
Steffy gives me a telling smile, before the both of us dive into hug Kelly, while giving her hundreds of kisses.
She truly is the most amazing little girl and we are so blessed that she is our daughter.
"Daddy, can I go play now?" Kelly asks, getting off the couch a minute or so later.
"You have to ask Mommy. Mommy is the one who makes the rules," I smile down at her and then to Steffy.
"Please, Mommy," she says looking at Steffy, with basically little puppy dog eyes.
"Of course, just make sure you clean up whatever you take out, and not too long because you and Daddy are leaving soon." she reminds Kelly.
"I'll come get you when it's time to go, princess," I kiss her head, before she scampers off in the direction of her room.
I sigh, "We really have a great kid. You've done wonders with her Steffy. She is truly an amazing little girl."
"I couldn't have done it without you," Steffy replies, nudging into me.
"By the way, I haven't really given it any thought, but have you given any thought to a name for Little Bean?"
Steffy nods, "A little. There are a few names I like, but nothing that I've officially settled on. Do you have an opinion?" she asks.
I shake my head. "Not really, there are so many names out there, I feel like it'll be so overwhelming."
I sigh in sadness, before looking back up at Steffy. "I also wasn't really sure if you wanted my opinion or if this was going to be something that you and Finn do together."
"Oh Liam," she says as if she's trying to comfort me.
"Can I hear the ones that you came up with?" I ask genuinely curious.
'They are meaningless really; there is only one or two that I really like,"
"Tell me what they are,"
"Cooper William," and "Jack Thomas,"
I am stunned at her pick for names. Clearly each pays tribute to either Finn or myself. "You really like those names?"
"I do very much," she replies sweetly. I really love Cooper William. That one is my top pick, Cooper William Forrester and hopefully one day Finnegan."
I am curious now, "Why do you like that name so much?"
She sighs, "Oh Liam, I want it for you,"
"Me?" I ask perplexed.
"Yes, I want the baby to have a tribute to you. You are not going to get to raise this baby, but I still want you to share a connection with your son, whether you are in his life or not. I know Finn, would never approve of having the baby directly have your name William or even Spencer, but I think that this is a great compromise for everyone. Finn will settle for William as a middle name."
"Does he know the connection to Cooper?" I ask.
"No," I didn't tell him.
I smile at her, "It might be safer that way." I laugh lightly.
"So, does Cooper William work for you?" I ask.
In response to her inquiry, I lean in to kiss her softly on the lips. I linger the kiss for a moment. She quickly responds, but I decide to break the kiss a moment later. As much as I want her to give in to the passion, I don't want her to give in and then regret it a few minutes later, like what happened at her office.
"It's perfect. Cooper William it is."
Chapter 15
It's been a few months now, since we told Kelly about the baby, Steffy is close to 35 or 36 weeks now. We haven't had any significant progress in moving our family forward together. Steffy is still completely adamant that I have nothing to do with this baby, and that I sign my rights over to the baby. She hasn't given me any clear sign that she is going to come back to me. We've had moments, with a few lingering kisses, or declarations of love, here and there, but not enough significant moments for her to say she wants to come back to me. She's really dug her heels in.
I know she still loves me and I still believe deep down she wants to be with me. It just confirms for me, how deeply I have pierced and hurt her. I'm clueless to what else to do to show her how much I love her. She just keeps pushing me away. I still can't imagine Finn raising my children. It pains me to no end when I think about how she is slowly slipping from my grasp, and that the door for our future, our family is almost closed.
I pour myself a cup of coffee. I am in Wyatt's kitchen, getting ready for the day. Steffy has called me over. She said, she wanted to spend a family day together, since once the baby comes everything will change. I can't wrap my head around all that has happened over the last few months.
"You are up earlier," Wyatt says, coming in from the other room.
"Yeah, Steffy wants to have a family day today." I hand him the cup of coffee I poured for myself, and go to the cabinet to get another coffee cup. "It's getting pretty close, and she wants to spend some family time together before the baby arrives and everything changes." I shake my head in sadness, "It is going to happen really soon,"
"Yeah, she's due almost any day now right?" Wyatt asks.
"A few more weeks, but yes it's pretty close."
"Does she still have her force field up? Has there been an improvement on that level?"
"More than ever," I say running my hands through my hair. "Every thing I do, it's not enough. I don't know what else to do. I've done everything I can do to show her, how committed I am and I get nothing. I am at a loss."
"And other than you, we really have no support. I have no support in winning Steffy back. Everyone thinks it's crazy and a long shot, that I don't deserve her and that they are glad she finally woken up. They either don't believe that I can win her back, they are indifferent, or they are angry that I am fighting for her. "
"Wait, who's angry?" he asked confused.
"Nobody's opinion that I really care about," I reply running my hand through my hair.
"Ah, it's Hope and Brooke," he guessed.
"Yeah," I exhale sharply. "Not that I care, but it's still annoying. I can't even go pick up Beth, without Hope saying something about my quest for Steffy, or being passive aggressive."
I've also been fighting off her not so subtle flirtations and the kisses she will try to plant on me here and there. I push her away, every single time, and reiterate that it is Steffy that I want.
Brooke is the same, I feel like she searches me out, just to present Hope's case and the reasons why I shouldn't fight for Steffy, but return to Hope. They are bitter, which I can't blame them, but it's getting old, move on." I pick up my arm and motion towards Wyatt. "That's the other thing; I've done everything in my power to defend Steffy to Hope and Brooke. I've made my choice very clear and why it is my choice. I have called them out on their choices and hypocrisy, and have asked them to leave Steffy alone. I apologized to them for how I've acted and treated her over the last decade, and it's still not enough. They still make comments, pressure me, and can't let go. They have already numerous times, have gone and attacked Steffy in her office. I've walked in a few times when Brooke and Hope were berating her and trying to make her feel guilty. It's really unacceptable. Their anger needs to be directed at me."
"Still after all this time?" Wyatt asks? "You'd think they would've somewhat moved on by now."
I nod. "I'm constantly defending Steffy, which I don't mind, I'll defend her to the end of time, but it would be nice not to have to deal with that aspect too, on top of everything else."
"Can I ask you something honestly, bro?"
"What?"
"Are you defending Steffy because you hope to get in her good graces, and win some points?"
My eyes grow in surprise, "No, not at all. I'm defending her because it's the right thing to do. Yes, it's nice brownie points, but it's not why I'm doing it. I will defend her to them for the rest of my life. I honestly am done with all their hypocrisy. They need to be called out on their crap."
"Good, that's really the only reason you should be doing it, regardless of Steffy and how she may react to it."
I sigh in defeat, "Anyway we may have a moment here or there, but she is very adamant about committing to Finn. I feel like Finn is more of an obligation and a safety net."
"From everything you've told me, it seems to exactly be that,"
"Think Steffy will settle for Finn, and she will think she will be happy, but…"
"But what," Wyatt presses.
"They will be happy, have a good life together and things will be fine, but with us she knows what we are, what we have experienced together, the fire, the passion, the chemistry, the intensity, like a hurricane, and it frightens her, but it doesn't stop her from wanting to be in the eye of the hurricane."
"That is pretty intense, dude. How do you know that she feels like that?"
I smile, "I know, because it's how I feel, and how I felt with Hope. Hope was a safe choice. I couldn't be hurt by Hope and life was okay with Hope, and I probably could've lived it out, but I would've never been truly happy. With Steffy, it's completely a game changer. We've shared incredible indescribable, life changing moments and experiences together. It's never boring. She set my soul ablaze. She's shown me what passion is and what love is. However, I've experience great hurt with her, soul shattering hurt from her over the years."
I sigh and look down into my coffee, before continuing. "Her leaving me when we lost our first baby and what happened between her and Dad, being the greatest and deepest hurts. Those two things broke my heart. I was devastated over them and didn't know how or even if I could ever get over them. You would think that any sane person who experienced things like that would run far in the other direction. A sane person could never forgive those things or ever want to be with that person again. But despite all that, I still wanted to stand in the hurricane. She is the only woman that I can say on a rainy stormy night, how much I want to hold her and keep her close, but at the same time grab her hand and dance in the rain."
I look at Wyatt, "You know even when she was with you for that short period, I was truly hurt, and it was devastating, but us not being together and her actions and choices after I came back where really no fault of her own. That was painful, it was, but I still wanted the high of being in to hurricane."
"I'm sorry Liam," Wyatt said putting his hand on my shoulder. "I wish there was more I could do to help."
"Wyatt, you've been great. You allowing me to stay here until I figure things out, and just being a sounding board has been the most help. You are really the only one I can talk to this about. This isn't even something I could talk to Dad about."
"I definitely wouldn't talk to Dad about this. How much does he even know by the way?"
"Just the basics," I say. "He has no idea that I am trying to win her back or that she's asked me to sign away my parental rights. I really don't need his two cents on my love life and what I should do regarding Steffy."
"Definitely not,"
"Do you want me to talk to Steffy for you? Maybe I can get her to see how committed and sincere you are?"
"It's okay," I reply. "This is my battle. I am in this war because of choices I've made; I won't take the easy way out."
"I know that I haven't really said it before, but, I am sorry Liam."
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for not always being supportive of you and Steffy. I am sorry for moving right in on Steffy, when my mother kidnapped you. Steffy and I happened way too soon after you left. I should've been supportive to her, but she should've remained off limits, especially when there were suspicions that you might not have left on your own accord. What I see now, I should've seen before getting involved with Steffy. If I actually stopped and thought about things, and took an objective view, I would've realized that even if you left on your own accord, Steffy was still hurting over you and never got over you. Things would be very different if I did that."
"I appreciate that Wyatt, but that's long and over with. I won't say that your mother still isn't crazy, but it's all in the past. It worked out. I appreciate you, as hard as it was letting her go. Getting over her is not an easy thing."
"It was the right thing to do," Wyatt looks at his watch, "I'm late for a meeting at Spencer," Wyatt chuckles softly. "Actually, I'm late for your meeting at Spencer."
I smirk at him before having the last sip of my coffee, "Yeah, thank you for that."
"You know, I feel like I need to get double salary with how much covering, I've done for you lately at the office."
"Again, thank you," I smile.
"I'll see you later. Let me know how your day goes with Steffy and Kelly.
Kelly is sleeping soundly on my shoulder, after a day going to the zoo and a picnic on the beach and ice cream after. It was such a wonderful day. We truly seemed like a real family again. We didn't have a care in the world. It was just us. We weren't worried about the things around us, or the issues between us. I could tell that Finn was no where near in her mind. We didn't have to worry about prying eyes. It was just us. We laughed, cried, we were playful with each other. We spent time reminiscing about all the things we've been through together and have done over the last 10 years. There was closeness between us that I haven't felt in a long time. It was as if all the hurt, angry, grudges and sadness have been let go. It felt like just maybe there was still that chance that we could move forward together as a family.
I walk up to Steffy's door, Kelly moving slightly in my arms. I take notice that Finn's car isn't in the driveway.
As if Steffy can read my mind, "He's not here. He's working a double at the hospital."
The sun has set and it's now becoming dark. Steffy maneuvers her keys into the door, jingling a bit before unlocking it and pushing the door open.
"Do you want me to take her and put her down?" I ask. I smirk at her slightly. "You know Mommy is pretty smart and dressed her in appropriate attire to be able to go straight to bed."
"Of course you can put your daughter down," she smiles, "Come in," she says motioning for me to step inside. I follow her, as she leads me into Kelly's room. Steffy folds down her covers, before I place her on her bed. Steffy removes her sneakers and tosses them onto the floor. I caress Kelly's check and lean down to kiss her forehead. I smile at our peaceful sleeping child. "I love you Kelly." I stare at her in amazement. I still can't believe that she's my daughter.
"Pretty amazing isn't it?" she says looking over at me.
I know exactly what she is talking about. "Yes, I still can't believe that we did that. That she is ours. If I never do anything else in my life, I know that I did something right. I've screwed up so much, but she's perfect, she makes me want to be a better father and a better human being. I would give anything, do anything, be anything for her." I smile down at her, and then at Steffy. I place my hand on Steffy's belly and smile. "Kelly and this baby are my greatest accomplishments and I love them and you more than you will ever know."
Just then Little Bean rewards me with a fierce kick. "You agree B?" I say still looking down at Steffy's belly.
I look up at Steffy who has tears in her eyes. "Liam—"
"It's true, Steffy. I mean ever word of it." I lean in and give her a kiss. Her lips are a bit salty and wet.
She pulls away quickly and looks down towards the floor. I can see that something is obviously on her mind.
"Steffy, what is it? What's on your mind? I can tell that you have something that you want to say,"
She sighs, "Yes. You are right. I don't want to do it in here though. Let's go out in the living room."
All the sudden, I get this sinking feeling in my stomach. I can tell that whatever it is she wants to say or talk about isn't good.
We exit Kelly's room, with Steffy quietly shutting the door behind us. The atmosphere changes between us. It's heavy now.
She walks over to the dining room table and grabs a folder. She walks slowly back over to me. She looks so nervous and uptight, completely on the opposite of the spectrum to how relaxed and happy she was today. I am actually terrified as to what is in the folder.
She sits down next to me, placing the folder in her lap. She shakily exhales without looking at me. Her face is looking down at her hands, and it looks like tears are welling up in her eyes. I have to wonder what is so awful that is rendering her speechless.
"Steffy, what is it? What has you so upset and wound up?" I turn her face to look at me. "What can be that awful that it has you near tears?"
"Liam—I, I…"
"Steffy, remember it's me. No matter what is going on between us, what our status is, you can always talk and confide in me," I reiterate.
She sniffs, and then wipes her eyes. "I know, but still this doesn't make this any easier for me to do.
I pull back from her a bit and furry my eyebrows. "Do what?" I ask Steffy, nervously. "What is in the folder Steffy?"
"Liam, just know before I give you the folder, just know that I love you, you are a wonderful father to Kelly and I do not want to hurt you. This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do." She wipes a tear.
She reluctantly hands me the folder and then turns her face. She can't even look at me.
I open the folder and there it. I can't believe it. I scan the first page over and over, thinking that I am not actually reading what I think I'm reading. I feel like my whole body goes numb and limp. I am in a trance and can't speak. There isn't anything worse that she could've put before me. I'm at loss for words. How could she do this? How could she allow this? Has this all really been for nothing?
"Liam, say something," she pushes. "Please," She touches my arm and I recoil from her.
"What do you want me to say, Steffy?" I ask semi-harshly. How could you do this, Steffy? Are you really going to go through with this? I look away from her and back down at the papers. I finally form the words to say it out loud, "Voluntary Relinquishment of Parental Rights?" I slightly growl. I can barely look at Steffy.
"Liam—" she says softly.
"What the hell, Steffy?" I yell. Still in shock I ask, "How can you really go through with this?" I look at the papers again, and notice that she's already signed them. All it needs is my signature.
"Liam," she says again trying to touch my arm.
"Don't Steffy," I warn, moving slightly away from her.
She sighs sadly, "It's what's best for everyone all around. You agreed to this months ago. Nothing has change between us. I'm with Finn, and we are going to have a family. Little Bean is almost here, and Finn and I want to get married before Little Bean arrives. He wants to be able to give the baby his last name when he is born.
"Little Bean is MY child Steffy, not Finn's!" I slightly yell as I slam the papers down on the table. "You can change it so Finn is his 'legal' father, but it is my blood that runs through B's veins."
"I know, but this is the most stable decision, choice for everyone. It's the right decision. You can trust that Little Bean will be loved and cared for. You will still see B when you come to pick up Kelly."
I exhale in anger, clamping my fist together. "You are still asking me to give up my child. You are asking me to stand back and just be 'Uncle Liam' all while watching another man raise MY child."
"Liam, I don't understand why you are so surprised by this. You agreed to this. You had to know it was coming."
"I know, but I didn't realize that in the end, you would have a hand in taking my child from me. You know how much I adore and love Kelly, how could you take my son away?" I shake my head in near disgust, "After the day we had today, I still had a lot of hope for us that you would come back to me. Spending family time with you and Kelly today confirmed for me how important it is to reunite our family.
Just then I have a realization, "Was that what today was about? You wanted to give me a sort of goodbye, and then ease me into these papers? Get my hopes up of what could be and then tear me down by giving these to me?" I ask. I am so angry, I can't even think straight. I am afraid I am going to say something that I regret.
"No, that's not what today was about at all," she argues with tears streaming down her face. "You have to believe me," she begs.
"Then tell me, what it really was about Steffy, if not about that?"
Steffy remains silent, not knowing what to say.
"Exactly, what I thought."
"Liam, please don't hate me. I'm sorry. I am unbelievable sorry for this. I don't want to hurt you. I love you; I will always love you no matter what and yes, I want to be with you. Don't you know that? Can't you feel that? I just don't want to hurt anymore. I want to move on and let it go." She sighs again, wiping the tears that are still streaming from her eyes. She grabs another tissue and wipes her nose. "I've never stopped loving you and caring for you. You are my soul mate, my match, the one I still crave for and want, the one who with just one look ignites a burning fire within me. It's like this every time we are together, no matter the circumstances, even now. You don't know how hard it's been for me the past few months, trying to bury my feelings. If I could only count how many times over the last few months, how out of control my desire got for you during certain times when we were together. There were a few times, that I thought we'd have another moment like the one that happened in my office, but that, the next time it would go further."
"You know me better than I know myself. You changed my life the second you saved me from that bath tub. Nothing has ever been the same since. You gave me our two children and our angel baby. Every time I see Kelly I see you and I know when Little B arrives, when Cooper arrives, I'll look at him and see you."
"You and only you own my heart, and no matter how much I try to deny it or push you out of my heart, I can't get you out. You will own my heart forever. Don't doubt that I feel this way about you. That will never change. I'm just—just tired of the hurt and pain. Loving you and being with you is like loving an object that has one side that is smooth and the other side is jagged and rough, that if you step there you will most certainly bleed." She sighs still crying. "I can't take bleeding anymore. The incredible moments, love, passion and all that stuff, can't over take the bleeding anymore. We need more than just being soul mates, having that fire, passion and intensity. When things are good for us they are amazing, we are stronger than ever, but the lows are absolutely devastating. I can't do it anymore. I'm burned out, tired. I'm not strong anymore. I am not your strong, amazing independent Steffy anymore. If I have seemed like to you that I was strong, I was honestly putting on a good front. I am bruised and broken. I don't want to bleed anymore, and I'm afraid that is exactly what will happen, if I let you in any further."
She licks her lips, and then wipes her tears again. "One of the most devastating things is that you keep doing things to cause me to bleed, but I don't even think you are fully aware that what you are doing is actually hurting me. You say sorry time and time again, and I truly think you mean it, but you keep ending up positions where you do end up hurting me again. Regardless, if it's intentional or not, I just can't take the fallout and the hurt anymore.
She sighs sadly again, still barely able to look at me. "If Kelly wasn't in the picture, and Finn wasn't here, I might be still playing this game with you, taking the risk and chances, because your love blinds me sometimes to the hurt. But now, that Kelly is here, I'm forced to face these feelings. I need to be stronger for my daughter than my mother was. It's not about me anymore."
My anger diminishes for her. I move closer to her and she falls into my arms, cuddling into my chest. I kiss the side of her forehead. I am speechless with what she's just poured out of her. My heart aches for her now. I meant what I told her, the last thing I want is to hurt her, yet, I keep doing it. "I'm so sorry, Steffy, I had no idea that's how you truly felt. I've never meant to hurt you and it pains me that I have hurt you this deeply."
I snuggle closer to her, wrapping my arms tighter around her. All my anger melts away, and I begin to cry with Steffy. I cry for what we've lost, what could've been, our memories and all that we've been through together.
We stay wrapped in each other's arms for a long time not saying anything, but just having the comfort of knowing that we are there together. I don't want to leave her or sign those papers, but I can't continue to hurt her. If I love her the way I keep saying I do, I need to let her go. She's always been a free spirit, never knowing what to expect from her. She's always been dominate, independent, strong, always going with the flow. She is courageous, a risk taker, opinionated, never afraid to tell you exactly how she's feeling, what she wants and what she needs.
When I think of that person, the one I met over 10 years ago, I realize now that Steffy is a whole different person now. She's not those things anymore, and if she is she has buried them deep. She's submissive, meek, afraid, ultimately a people pleaser, taking on the blame for everyone. I sigh sadly, because I know ultimately I contributed to that change. All the things that initially drew me into her and attracted me to her, are barely visible now because for so long, maybe not consciously I resented some of those things because in a way they some how cut me deep as well or they didn't align with my perspective and what I believed. Even when she knew I was wrong or it didn't align with she believed, she didn't fight or make me feel bad for feeling what I was feeling. She always tried to see my perspective. I rarely tried to see hers. I know now that no matter how deep she's cut me, I've cut her much deeper.
I make the first move to break the hug. It's been a long an emotional night for the two of us. "I should go," I say sadly, wiping my tears again.
She sniffs, "Yeah, Finn will be home soon. I should fix my face before he gets here."
Even with all the make up and eyeliner that has run down her face, she's still as beautiful as ever.
"Are you sure you are going to be okay?" I ask. "I hate to leave you like this, in this state."
"I'll be okay," she confirms.
I don't push. "Okay, as long as you are sure."
She nods.
I look at her once more into her eyes, and rub my thumb over her cheek.
She brings her hand up to my cheek as well and rubs my scruff, calming me. "I love you, Liam, always."
I close my eyes at her words before I open them slowly. "I love you too, Steffy, no matter what, forever." I kiss her cheek softly. I pull away slowly before she grabs my face in her hands. She licks her lips before leaning in and giving me a long lingering kiss. I kiss her back for a minute. I know she feels all the pain, love, emotion, regret, hurt, memories in the kiss. It's all I can feel. I pull away before we do something we regret.
I grab the papers off the table, and then stand up. "I will be in touch with you about these. I just want to review them and have my lawyer look at them, but I will sign them. I promise."
"Thank you, Liam, it really does mean everything to me."
I nod at her unable to smile. "Good-bye Steffy," I say as I feel a tear slowly roll down my cheek. I turn around and walk out of the cliff house, without looking back at Steffy. I close the door, before I slide down the door and put my face into my hands and cry.
Chapter 16
I arrive back at the beach house after 11pm. I left Steffy's around 10:30. Devastated over the conversation we had. It did truly seem like goodbye, and that it was the end. My entire world, my hopes and dreams literally crashed right in front of me in a period of two hours. I grab a beer immediately out of the fridge as soon as I enter the beach house. I know it's going to be a long night.
Wyatt was not home. I wish he was, as I really don't want to be alone, I could really use someone to talk to. But at the same time, I'm glad he isn't here, I do know deep down that I need some alone time.
I'm alone with my thoughts for an hour or so, when Wyatt comes in the door. He drops his keys on the table before acknowledging me.
"Hey bro. You are up late," He says as he looks around the room clearly eyeing the beer bottles on the table. "Why the hell is it, so dark in here and why are you drinking?"
I sigh, feeling defeated and broken hearted. I don't even know what to say to Wyatt.
"Liam," he presses as he walks to the table. He has a face of confusion. "Liam, are you crying? How many drinks have you had?"
I point to the empty bottles on the table, "There's a few more in the garbage," I confess.
Wyatt shakes his head in confusion then sits down at the table across from me, "What happened? Why are you in this state?"
I can't even form the words. I haven't said them out loud. I can't bring myself to do it.
Wyatt runs his hands through his hair and sighs, "Okay," He shakes his head knowing that he's going to have to figure this out on his own. "You were supposed to see Steffy today. You and Steffy were having family day with Kelly. Right? So, something happened with Steffy then?" he continued to guess. "Is everything okay with her, with the baby?"
I still don't respond to him, just concentrating on my own thoughts.
"Liam," he presses again, a little more aggressively.
I snap out of my wallow. "What?" I say wiping my face, not looking at him.
"What the hell is going on? I've never seen you like this? What has happened now? It's gotta be something with Steffy. What is it?"
I sigh, looking down at my beer. "Drowning my sorrows, it's the only thing left that I can do."
"Drowning your sorrow? What? Just tell me what happened."
I take a chug of my beer, finishing adding it to the pile in the garbage. I push the papers across the table to Wyatt.
He takes them, and raises them to his face to read.
Wyatt is quiet for a several minutes, as if he's reading everything and taking it all in.
He finally speaks, "Voluntary Petition to Terminate Parental Rights," he says shocked. 'Oh man, I don't even know what to say."
"There's nothing you can say," I reply opening another beer up from the fridge.
"I can't believe that she's actually going through with this," Wyatt says trying to comfort me. "I know you knew that this is what she ultimately said she wanted, but I can't imagine how much this hurts, now that it's a reality. You have been so confident that things were going to work out and that you would win her back."
"Yup," I reply sadly, not knowing what else to say.
'Why don't you tell me what happened? It might help."
"At this point, nothing will help. It is what it is, and I told Steffy that I would sign them, just that I needed a day or so."
Wyatt's eyes widen. "You told her what?" he asks in shock, not really sure if he heard me correctly.
"I told her I would sign them that I wouldn't make it harder on her."
"What?" Wyatt asked still confused. "You said that you were pretty confident about winning her back. In fact, you thought maybe today was the day that you would be able to reunite your family. How did you go from that to this?" he asks, holding up the papers in his hand.
"Before I went over there, I was very confident that we were going to end up together, even when we put Kelly to bed tonight. Everything was great, perfect even. It was like nothing had changed for us."
"But?" Wyatt pushes.
"We had a beautiful moment together after putting Kelly to bed. The baby kicked for me, and we just had a sweet, private family moment. It was wonderful. Then all of the sudden, Steffy's mood and body language changed. She couldn't even look at me. I could tell that there was something bothering her." I sigh, "That's when she said she wanted to discuss it in the other room. I knew then that whatever it was wasn't something good." I rub my face, "I just did not realize how awful it was actually going to be."
"I can't imagine," Wyatt tries to comfort.
"Before she gave me the papers, she was crying and apologizing profusely, telling me how hard this was for her, etc, etc."
"I'm sure it wasn't the easiest thing to do on her end. I am sure she knew how deeply this was going to hurt you."
"You know, I was really upset at first over this. I blew up at her, yelling at her, saying she was cruel, and was cutting me deep. I didn't understand how she could do this to me, to us. In a split second, any dreams I had of reuniting our family diminished into thin air. I could barely look at her. Despite all we had been through together and all the pain, I have caused her; I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that she was going to proceed with this. I never thought she would truly take it to this level. Even now, I am still in shock."
"I would be too. That's still your child. It's not Finn's and you have ever right to be in your child's life."
"You are right, I do, but what I realized is, at what cost it will be to all involved, but especially to Steffy." I sigh, "She told me that she loves me, and that I am the love of her life, despite everything that has happened. She wants to be with me. She told me so tonight, basically out right said it to me."
"Wait, what?" Wyatt asks with confusion. "I'm lost. She tells you that she wants to be with you, and that she loves you and only you, but yet, she gives you those papers? That doesn't make any sense."
"It will, give me a minute this is so hard. The pain is unbelievable hard. Nothing like I've ever experienced."
"So, I was yelling at her, anger, throwing accusations and questions at her when she finally broke down."
"Broke down?"
"Yes, that's an understatement. She revealed every one of her true feelings to me. She was the most vulnerable to me that she's been in a long time. She bared her soul to me about why she was doing what she was doing, and how much hurt she has truly endured from me over the years and how it's changed her. I can't get into too much as the moment between us was so personal, it'll probably always remain Steffy and I's moment and we will carry it the rest of our lives."
"I knew that I hurt her deeply, but until she broke down like that, I truly never understood how much and how deep or I hurt her. Honestly, with the depth of my betrayals and hurt I've caused, and after talking to her, I don't know how she could ever truly forgive me or look at me the same. Honestly, I don't know how she could even still love me, forget about the fact that she confessed that I am still the love of her life. I don't think that there is any way to come back from that."
"Bro, I'm—"
"It's okay. I only have myself to blame. Just thinking about the unbearable pain I have caused her and what she revealed to me tonight, I don't know if I can live with myself. I deserve it, I deserve the pain and to having to live with this, but it doesn't make it any easier."
"Of course not," Wyatt comforts. "I have to tell you, Liam, I am still having a hard time wrapping my mind around all of this."
"I took her in my arms after her confession, we were both crying. We were crying for our memories, what could've been, what we lost and the unknown of the future. My initial anger at her when I realized what she was asking melted away at her pain. If there was any other way for her to get over this pain, than I think she would do it, but I honestly think, that she thinks, doing things this way is the only chance she has to be happy and get over the pain. Her decisions over the last few months were never about wanting to push me away, stick it to me or make me believe there was a chance. It was about protecting her heart and trying to heal from me."
I clean up the rest of the bottles and wipe down the table and counter where the bottles were. I pick up the papers and stare at them. "After, that revelation, it was clear to me that my only option is to sign over my rights. If I love Steffy at all, I will give this to her. She needs this."
"Liam, I understand where you are coming from, but do you know and understand what this means? Not even just for Steffy, but for you. Once it's done, there isn't any 'Let me change my mind' there is no going back. Are you really going to be able to live with this decision?"
"I know," I say softly, "but what else am I to do?"
"Well for starters, you could get a lawyer and see what they have to say about this."
"And what, cause her more pain and heartache, by dragging her through a nasty custody battle?"
"Well no, but this is a very permanent decision that you can't take back. I don't know if you truly see or understand what the ramifications could be from this. Are you sure?"
I am quiet for a minute before answering him, "Yeah, I think I am,"
"Liam, don't do anything hasty right away. You need a little time to process all of this."
"I don't need time. It's the right thing to do. If this can ease Steffy's pain, and bring her back to the free-spirited Steffy that I once knew, than it's what needs to be done regardless of the cost."
Wyatt nods at me. "Well, will just do me one favor?"
"Depends on what it is," I chuckle slightly.
"Just sleep on this, your emotions are running high, maybe you will feel a little different about things. You'll be able too look at things with a fresh perspective and make the best decision."
I sigh defeated, "Okay."
Chapter 17
I didn't sleep at all last night. I tossed, turned and cried on and off all night long. I was still in disbelief that this is where we've ended up. I finally get up around 6am, and go into Wyatt's kitchen to brew some coffee.
I sit down at his kitchen table and open the folder. I know what needs to be done. It's time to move on. It's time to take the burden off Steffy and let her heal. I am the one who ultimately deserves the pain. I am sure this is what needs to be done.
I grab a pen off the counter and sit back down. I hover over the signature line. It's so much harder than I thought it would be.
"Steffy! Hey," I say, as I reach into Steffy's tub to pick her up out from under the water.
"Okay," I say placing her down on the floor and begin doing CPR on her. "1-2-3-4. 1-2-3-4," I say as I start doing chest compression on her and giving her rescue breaths.
She coughs forcefully
"Okay, alright. You're-come on," I say as I lift her up to a sitting position. I am breathing hard and nervously. "You are okay. You are okay." I look at her, scared out of my mind.
Moments later, I have her wrapped in a blanket and she is sitting on the couch. I am trying to get her to calm down and control her breathing.
"Liam, you saved me."
"I'm calling 911,"
"What? No, I'm fine you saved me."
"Liam, I could've died. I am alive because of you."
"Live your life, Steffy,"
She smiles at me, "Says the man who gave it back to me."
"You are a really good person, you are definitely someone I can trust Liam," she says as we sit in front of her fireplace. "You rescued me in more than one way today."
I scoff in embarrassment.
"You know, I thought you were incredible before, but you know what—"
I start to get up to leave, "Liam, wait," She leans over to me a kisses me softly on the lips. I'm shocked, but at the same time I can't pull away. I can't help but enjoy it.
I wake up remembering last night, and telling Steffy that she had to go. I get up and already am dreading the fact that I still have to write that article. I walk out to the living room and open my laptop.
"Uh-Uh," I am in disbelief and don't even know what to say. She did it all for me. I feel a great weigh immediately lift from my shoulders.
"You saved me, you know," I say to her as she sits down next to me.
"It was all there, it was basically a matter of flushing it all out. I just put it together.
"No, it was more than that and you know it, I am listing you as a contributor."
"Liam, don't don't,"
"You deserve the credit,"
"That's not why I did it," she shakes her head. "I just wanted the stress to be lifted from your shoulders. You shouldn't settle for a one-sided relationship, you deserve more."
A few minutes later she's rubbing my shoulders to relieve the tension in my neck and back. "Thank you," I say genuinely.
She has her hands on my chest for comfort. I can see how much my pain is hurting her.
"I feel like a part of me, died tonight."
She turns my face to face hers; softly rubbing my scruff, when she whispers "Then let me bring you back to life."
"I will," I nod as I take her hand and slowly place it on Steffy's finger. I look at her. "Will you marry me, Steffy?" She looks down at the ring and back up at me, tears in her eyes. "Marry me," I softly press. Then we kiss passionately, before heading to the bedroom to make love for the first time.
She pulls me closer to her, her lips practically touching my ear. She whispers in my ear, "I'm pregnant, Liam." I pull back from her, shocked, surprised, but ultimately happy. Steffy is carrying MY child. A small part of me is glad that she showed up when she did.
"This baby was conceived in love," I say to her taking her hand."
"So is that a no?"
"It's a tell me, all the reasons why you want to marry me and then I'll give you an answer."
"When I pulled you out of that tub," I begin walking away from her. I turn back to look at her, and smile. "And saved your life, I had no idea what was coming. I mean, I thought I knew my future, thought I knew the direction, my life was heading in, and then you just came on like wildfire." I look at her and smile again, feeling so much love for her. I continue, "Nothing as been the same since."
She smiles and leans towards me, "Well tenacity is my specialty."
I laugh lightly. I loving point my finger at her. "That right there. The time I spend with you, Steffy, it's fun. You lighten me up, you make me happy. Now, you've given me this incredible gift of a son or daughter. It's a family I didn't ask for, expect, but I am so grateful to have. I look away from her, "I know you don't like, 'it's the right thing to do, but Steffy us getting married and raising this child together IS the right thing to do and it's not because I feel obligated. It's the right thing to do because it's what I want." I get down on my knee and take her head. "So, Steffy Forrester, I am going to ask you one more time, will you do me the honor of being my wife?"
"Let's take a hike?"
"Maybe later."
"You are going to be way to tired for hiking later my husband," she says leaning down over me.
I smile at her. "Is that a challenge?"
She puts her lips right at my ear. "No, it's a promise," she whispers before biting my ear.
"Mhm," I say grabbing her and lifting us up into a sitting position before I start nuzzling her neck.
We are sitting on the couch together. "You know maybe it's because I have some distance now, but I think I always knew we'd find our way back to each other. It's probably why I couldn't stay away, when I was with Hope." I smile, "And let's be honest, you are the best friend, I've ever had."
"Sometimes love isn't enough. Sometimes it's friendship that gets you through it. If things change between, and you think, hey that was a great ride but some things don't last forever, I know one thing that will last forever. I'll always be your best friend."
I smile back at her and then kiss her., "Don't worry, I think at this point, you'll have to pry me off with a crowbar."
"Ready?"
"You know, I think I am coming down with something."
I walk over to her and put my hand on her forehead. "You don't feel, hot." My eyes wonder down her body. "You just look really, hot."
"Let me go," she pleads in my ear.
"No," I say as I hug her tighter.
"It's better if I am not her distracting you whispering cha cha cha cha in your ear."
I sniff, "This is not fair."
I stare at her still in disbelief that she's here in the cabin, today of all days.
"Liam, I have the most incredible news," she smiles happily "I just found out that I can have children."
My mouth drops open in shock. "What?"
"I can have a baby; it feels like this dark cloud has lifted from me."
"This was so hard for you." My heart is so full of joy at this. I know what this means to her.
We were fighting passionately about Ivy and getting married to her, how Ivy need me.
She looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I NEEDED you. I NEEDED you to go to Paris and drag me home. I NEEDED you to forgive me for getting on that bike."
"I did," I whisper sadly.
"I NEEDED to feel it, Liam. I needed to be in your arms and mourn WITH you."
"What is it about me that makes you think, I don't need help? You are always so quick to be Hope's hero, now Ivy's. Yeah, I'm strong, but sometimes I am just pretending"
"When has it ever been over between us? You knew something was wrong. You knew how much I love and everything that we'd been through together. Don't they mean something to you?"
"You know they do."
"Then how could you do it?"
"Liam, you are home now, you are safe. That's all that matters"
"You think that this is home?" I ask pointing to the room. "This isn't home to me unless you are here."
"Listen, you can't want to be with my brother, not now, not now that you know the truth. You can't wanna be with him,"
"You married him, without even talking to me."
"I tried talking to you. I texted you," she cries. "You told me it was over."
"You think I would end it in a text message?"
"I waited for you; I didn't give up on us!"
I see the pain in her eyes. "Okay, then I won't do it either."
"Your wedding was a mistake Steffy, you know it and I know it. And despite every horrible thing that has happened, I am back and I'm not giving up on you." I kiss her passionately
****.
I look around and stare at her and then point up at the ceiling, swirling my finger. "Steffy, being in the house with you, where every room is so full of memories," I sigh, "All I want to do is reach out and touch you, and hold you," I say leaning into her, "and… love you. I am NOT giving up on us, and I'm not letting you get away from me again,"
"You have to come back to me to me and I am not taking no for an answer," I say as I dive in to kiss her passionately.
"All I want to do is pick you up over my shoulder and bring you into the bedroom." I lean into nuzzle her neck.
She smiles, "Don't tempt me,"
"I would never…" I say as I lift my head from her neck.
She laughs, "Liam, stop it,"
"Okay, you are right, just one more thing to look forward, when we can get into bed together."
Steffy is running towards me in the airport parking lot. "Liam, it's the divorce papers, it's final, I'm all yours."
"Are you serious, serious?" I ask.
She nods before I pick her up and spin with her.
"You slept with my father?"
"Please, forgive me," she begs for her indiscretion with my dad. The only thing I could do was hug her.
Steffy has just given birth to Kelly. "I love you, Liam,"
I look at her and smile. "I love you too."
"You do?"
"Of course I do,"
"Where else would I be but at home with my girls," I say as I rub her leg. "You asked me, if I found forgiveness, I found it in her."
"I'm going to go for a run, get my body back," I smile.
"Uh no, you can't have it, it's mine and it's perfect."
"Now, that I am holding it, I am glad to have it back. It's part of our history. Kelly deserves it. She deserves to know she wasn't a mistake, her Mommy and Daddy were meant to be even for a short while."
Bringing me out of my thoughts and memories is Wyatt coming into the kitchen.
"Rough night, huh?" He asks going over to the coffee pot. "Did you get any sleep at all?" Wyatt questions. "You look like shit, Liam."
"I was lucky if I got an hour last night," I sigh.
"Did you come to any different conclusions?" Wyatt asked. "Do you maybe have a new out look on things?"
I shake my head, "No, all I have is more confirmation that this is what needs to be done. It's not about me. It's about Steffy. She needs to heal, and if this gives her that, I can't deny her that."
"I still think that you are making a huge mistake, Liam. You are gonna regret this, maybe not today or even next week. But you will." He puts his hand up towards me, "I mean take Steffy out of the equation, and think about YOUR son. What it'll be like growing up without a father?"
I nod and then sniff softly. I feel so lost. "He will have a father. He will have Finn."
"Think about this, Liam. How will you feel watching Finn raise your son, your son, calling Finn, Daddy, and you 'Uncle Liam.'. You may say you are okay with it now, but once you see your son, and have that moment of bonding there is no going back. You'll end up hurt and resentful."
"I know that you are right. It's going to hurt," I exhale strongly. "That's why, I have made another decision."
"A decision about this?" he questions.
"Sort of," I say running my hand through my hair. "I've decided to leave town for awhile. I need to get my head on straight, deal with this all, find acceptance and move forward. I want to know that if I ever come back to town that I'll be able to deal with this and see Steffy and not feel bitterness."
"Liam, you can't leave town."
I sigh sadly, "I have to do this,"
"Well, what—what about Kelly? You'd leave Kelly and Beth?"
I shake my head. "I'll never leave Kelly or Beth for that matter. I will always be there for them. I am going to ask Steffy if she could send Kelly every so often to wherever I am. I'll facetime and call them all the time. If they need me, I'll be there for both of them in a heartbeat. They are the only things I have left."
I sigh once more and with slight hesitation, I sign my name at the bottom of the papers. "It's done. It's over. Now all Steffy has to do is file them."
"Wow Liam, this is crazy. Where are you going to go?"
"I'm not really sure. I might go to one of Spencer's satellite offices, or something. I don't really have an exact location in mind. But, I will figure it out."
"If this is what you truly want and need to do, I will support you. It just sucks that you feel this is your only option."
"I don't know what else to say Wyatt, but thank you for your support with all this, letting me stay here, listening to me vent, giving me advice and being a brother that I could count on. I know I didn't always deserve your friendship and loyalty." I walk up to him and hug him. "Thank you."
I grab my two suitcases that I packed last night. "I'll be in touch. I have to drop these off to Steffy's and then I'll be on my way."
Chapter 18
"Liam, what are you doing here?" Steffy asks, shocked by my unannounced appearance at the door.
"I'm sorry Steffy, I didn't mean to show up unannounced, I just wanted to bring you these." I hold up, "before I lost my nerve."
"The papers?" she asked shocked.
"Yes," I chuckle a little, "Sign, sealed and delivered."
She opens the door for me. "Come in, Liam. Let's talk. Finn isn't here. Kelly would love to see you. Amelia took her to the park, but she will be back within the hour. She will be happy to see her Daddy here."
"That would be great; there is something that I need to tell her and you."
Steffy's facial expression turns to nervousness. "What is it that you have to tell me?"
I hand her the papers, finally. "These are yours. The only thing left to do is file them," I sigh in hidden pain. This still isn't easy for me.
"Thank you, Liam," she says hugging me tightly. "This means the world to me."
I give her a sad regretful look. "I just don't want you to hurt anymore. I can't say it enough but I am sorry for all the pain and heartache I caused you."
"Oh Liam," she cries. "Regardless of what has happened to us, meeting you and falling in love with you, forever changed my life. I don't regret one second of the life we've shared together."
"Nor do I, Steffy. I am just sorry that I was never able to get it right for us. Things could've been very different for us."
"If it's any constellation, everything works out the way it's supposed to."
"I know even with all the pain and hurt that comes with it. Everything happens for a reason. It's hard not to be bitter," I add.
"I understand. Just know that Little Bean is going to be loved and have a great life. You will still be part of Little Bean's life, in some capacity. I promise you. Without you, there would have been no "Little Bean."
I stop her before she says anymore. I touch her arm softly, "Steffy, I need to tell you something. It's important."
"What is it, Liam? You make it sound kind of ominous."
"I've made a decision about our future, my future."
Steffy's eyes grow in size. "Well, what is it?" she prompts.
"After Kelly gets home, I am leaving town."
Steffy just stares at me, unable to form any words in response. I'm not sure if she heard me, but I think she did.
"Steffy, did you hear what I said?"
"It sounded like you said you were leaving town?" she says almost as a question, unsure if she heard correctly.
"That's what I said. I have to leave town. I'm not sure when I will be back, or if I will be back.
"If?" ,she says taken aback by my revelation.
"Yeah, I need some time. I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I think being here, staying in L.A. will cause you pain. I want you to be happy, you deserve that so much. I want you to have peace, and if signing my rights away is what brings you the peace, I'll do it, but I can't stay here and watch Finn raise our children. I can't watch Finn refer to our son, as his, and eventually Little Bean calling Finn, Daddy."
"Liam," she says.
"Look Steffy, I deserve this all. I deserve the hurt and unhappiness, but I can't stay here and continue to get hurt even more. I can't sit back and pretend that I'm not that Little Boy's father. At least if I am not here, it could be like an out of sight, out of mind deal, you know? I have to make a change so the hurt will be somewhat bearable for me. I want you to be happy, and I want to move on."
Steffy nods, 'Okay, I understand you wanting to leave and take time for yourself, but you'll be back. You have to be back. Kelly is here, she needs her Daddy."
I see the tears welling up in Steffy's eyes. I grab her hand and squeeze it tight. "I will ALWAYS be there for her. I was hoping that wherever I end up, that maybe you can send Kelly to me every so often, even if Amelia has to come."
"Liam, you can't leave us. You are too important to us!" Steffy declares with passion. "Kelly needs you, Little Bean needs you. I NEED you."
"Steffy—"
"No, this isn't the right thing for any of us. Why are you talking like this? How is this even an option?" she asks desperately.
"Steffy, I gave you what you asked for, even though it hurts me like hell, but it is what needs to be done." I gulp before continuing. "Me leaving is also what needs to be done. I'm asking you to allow me that"
She gets angry at me. "Is this what it's about Liam, the papers? You are doing this to punish me, to spite me, isn't that right, Liam," she sneers at me.
I grab her arm and pull her towards me. "This is not about the papers. In a perfect world we'd be together. But this isn't a perfect world, and it's what needs to be done, no matter what we feel."
"Take the papers back, Liam. I don't want them if this is the price that has to be paid for them."
I grab her face in my hands. "This is NOT just about the papers. Yes, it kills me having to give my son up, but I don't want you to hurt."
"You leaving is what will hurt me, Liam."
"Steffy," I say, her face still in my hands. "I need time. I deserve all the hurt, but I won't stand her watching you and watching my family being raised by Finn. At least, I can attempt to heal. I can't heal here though."
"Please Liam, don't do this," she begs.
"Steffy, know that I will always love you. You will always be my heart and soul. Always." I stress.
"I can't do this without you," Steffy say crying.
"I'm sorry," I manage.
Just then she grabs her belly. "Owch," she cries.
I run over to her and support her, forgetting all that was happening between us. "Steffy? What is it? Are you okay?"
She holds her back, "Owch, I don't know, I'm cramping."
My eyes get large. "What? Are you okay? Maybe you should sit down," I calm, trying to usher her to the couch.
Steffy cries, "I don't know—ow, ow, ow."
"Steffy, what is happening? We should call the doctor; you are in pain. Something could be wrong."
She nods, "Yeah, I think we need to go to the hospital."
"Okay, we are going," I say, wrapping my arms around her. "Let's go."
Steffy takes a slow step. "Uh-oh," she says looking down at the floor.
"Uh-oh, what?" I ask, looking at her with fear in my eyes. I search her eyes quickly for answers. "What is it, Steffy?"
"My water just broke. The baby is coming. We need to hurry."
Chapter 19
"How are you doing?" I say to Steffy as I walk her into the hospital.
She tightens up as another contraction runs through her body.
"Just breathe Steffy. It's going to be okay. You are not alone. I won't leave you. I promise." I comfort her. I caress her hair before giving her a small kiss on the side of her forehead.
"It hurts a lot," she cries.
"Everything is going to be fine Steffy, I promise."
A nurse from Labor and Delivery comes a few minutes later to take Steffy back to the birthing room.
"Liam, don't leave me please, I'm scared."
"I'll be right out here. The nurse will come get me as soon as you are all set up. Don't worry."
I take my phone out of my pocket to make two phones, one to Amelia, and ask her to stay with Kelly while we are at the hospital, and one to Finn.
"Liam," Finn says monotone, when he answers the phone. "What do you want?" he asks abruptly, practically cutting me off.
"It's Steffy," I reply. "I'm at the hospital with her and we are pretty sure she's gone into labor."
The nurses bring me into Steffy's room a few minutes later.
"Oh Liam," she cries as she reaches out for my hand.
I cup her hand in mine. "It's okay Steffy. You are a rock star. You got this," I encourage.
The nurse looks over to me, "Your wife is doing extremely well. Everything is progressing nicely."
"We aren't married," I say quickly.
The nurse raises her eyebrows to me and then looks over at Steffy. "Not married, huh?"
"No, we aren't," I confirm.
She chuckles slightly. "You sure could've fooled me," she replied while fixing Steffy's IV line.
"What took you so long to get in here?" Steffy asks.
"I had to make a couple phone calls. I had to call Amelia and ask her to stay with Kelly. I also called Finn."
Steffy's eyes soften. "You called Finn?"
"Yes," I confirm. "He should be here."
"But Liam, why would you do that?"
"It's the right thing to do, Steffy. Besides, he's still up at that retreat upstate, I don't know if he's going to make it here before you deliver. It all depends on how your labor progresses.
Steffy experiences another sharp contraction. She squeezes my hand tightly lightly while trying to breathe.
Dr. Philips comes in a few minutes later.
"Steffy, talk to me, how do you feel? What's going on?"
"It hurts. This feels very different from when I was pregnant with Kelly. I'm nervous. What's going on?"
"Yeah, Dr. Philips, is Steffy okay, she seems to be in a lot of pain."
"I won't know for sure until I do an exam, but I am sure everything is okay. Steffy has had a great pregnancy and has taken care of herself. There have been no issues."
"So, what is this then?" I ask with concern.
"Every pregnancy is different, even if it's the same woman. I won't know anything until I do an exam. Steffy isn't completely full term, but she's not that far off. A lot of moms who deliver at this stage still birth healthy babies. So, both Mom and Dad," she says looking at us sternly, "Just relax, getting worked up isn't helping any of us."
"You are doing great, Steffy," I encourage. "Just hang on."
Dr. Philips finishes her exam quickly. I still had Steffy's hand. I held it through each contraction. I am glad that I am here for her.
Dr. Philips looks at the fetal monitor and points to a few different items, mumbling something to one of the nurses.
"Is there something wrong?" Steffy says. "Owch," she exhales forcefully. Her contractions are only 2 minutes apart or so.
"Dr. Philips, what's wrong? Your silence is making both Steffy and I very nervous."
"Just give me one minute. I need to check on something else."
Steffy looks at me with sadness and as if she's frightened.
"Liam, our baby, Little Bean," she cries. "He has to be okay. Please, do something."
I snuggle into her as best I can and kiss her hand. "We got this, you and me. I am not going anywhere."
"Everything is fine, Steffy," Dr. Philips finally says. "But you are ready to start pushing. You are 10cm."
"What, already?" Steffy asks shocked. I am just as shocked myself. I remember with both Kelly and Beth their labors lasted hours."
"Maybe I should leave?" I offer to Steffy.
She pulls my arm back. "No stay, please. I want and need you here."
"If you are sure," I say giving her an option to change her mind.
"I'm sure," she says adamantly.
"Get ready, Steffy, we are going to do that counting thing we talked about and one 10 you are going to give me at least one strong push, every single contraction. We can do this okay."
The contractions and pushes seem to start to blend together. I hear them counting in the background but my focus is all on Steffy. "You are doing amazing," I say to her. "Keep going, you have this."
"I don't know if I can do this," she confesses.
"Yes, you can. Little Bean wants out and wants to meet you. Stay strong, Steffy, you are almost there."
"This is too much," she pants.
"Come on, Steffy. You can do this," I encourage. "We've waited 9 months for this little guy. Just a few more minutes and he will be out."
Dr. Philips looks up at Steffy. "Steffy, the baby is crowning. If you can give me one more big push, he will be out."
"Are you ready?" I say to her, helping her sit up and brace herself.
"Let's do this," she says with courage.
"Ready, push Steffy, push," Dr. Philips encourages.
I vaguely hear the nurses counting when I hear it, the most beautiful sound, Little Bean's cry.
"He's here," Dr. Philips announces proudly.
"Oh thank God," I sigh relieved and happily.
Dr. Philips passes the baby up to Steffy. Little Bean cries, but is soothed as soon as he settles onto Steffy's chest.
I kiss Steffy's head lightly. "I am so proud of you, Steffy. You were amazing. You did great."
"I couldn't have done this without you," she confirms. "Thank you for being here for us."
"Does Dad want to cut the umbilical cord?" Dr. Philips asks handing me the hospital sheers.
I look at Steffy and she nods her approval.
"Yes. Thank you," I smile, taking the scissors from Dr. Philips.
"Do you have a name picked out?" Dr. Philips asked.
Steffy looked up at me and then to Dr. Philips. "Yes. Welcome to the world Cooper William Forrester." I smile down at my son, with so much pride and joy. "Hello there Cooper, or as you are more famously known, Little Bean."
"Do you want to hold your son, Liam?" Steffy asks me with a smile.
"Are you sure? You don't want to wait for Finn?"
She shakes her head. "No, this is your son, share this moment with him."
"Thank you Steffy. Thank you for my son. I know that I've been saying it a lot, but I love you."
"I love you too, Liam," she smiles at me as I take him from her arms.
"He looks exactly like you, Liam," Steffy smiles holding our son. "Every time I look at him; all I am going to see is you."
She looks amazing holding him, and even though she just gave birth, you would never know it. She still looks beautiful.
"He has your eyes, and your nose. When I look at him, you are all I see. I almost feel like you made this baby all on your own," she laughs.
There is definitely no denying that this is my son, he truly does look exactly like me. I'm sure his features will change, but he is absolutely my mini. I am so glad; I was here for this.
I just continue to stare at him. My emotions are all over the place. I can't believe this little boy is my son.
"We made him Liam. We did that." She looks at me in awe, still in disbelief of what we just experienced.
"Most certainly one of the greatest things we will ever do, not just a parents but as people."
I look at Steffy. I know I should've asked this earlier, but with everything else going on and getting caught up in these extremely powerful emotions, I forgot to ask you how you are?"
She slightly chuckles, "The pain was insignificant, and I would do it all over again, everything," she stresses. "if I knew that we'd end up right back here. It was worth every second of the pain. We have the most perfect son."
"I just can't get over how perfect he is," I continue as I grab Cooper's hand, running my thumb over it. "We did good Mom." I look down at him again. "You are so lucky that you have Steffy as your Mom. She's going to be a wonderful Mommy, who will love you and protect you like no other. We are lucky to have her in our lives," I say sincerely.
"I can't wait for Kelly to meet Cooper," I say. "She's going to be so thrilled over this. I can't wait to see her reaction."
"Me either," Steffy agrees. "She's been practicing with her dolls at home on how to be a big sister and Mommy's helper."
I smile inwardly at how proud I am of Kelly.
We fawn over our son, for the next hour, getting to know him, letting him know how much we love him despite all that has happened. I kept telling myself that I was going to leave the hospital, give Steffy some space and time to rest, but I just couldn't help but want to stay. Cooper has already grabbed a hold of my heart tightly, and I don't want to leave him.
"Steffy, I'm sorry that I wasn't here, that I couldn't get here sooner," Finn says from the doorway of the room.
I am slightly disappointed he has arrived, but I don't show it.
"Guess that's my cue to go," I say to Steffy. "You did great Steffy. I'm proud of you. You gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Despite everything, I am glad that I was here for it."
I get up off the stool, that's next to her bed and walk over to Finn. "Congratulations," I awkwardly push out, "on your son." I walk by Finn and out the door. I stand in the hallway right outside the door, so Steffy and Finn can't see me. I watch them interactive for a few minutes, as a family. Finn is so tender, gentle with and kind to her. He really does love her, its plain as day. Steffy does seem sincerely happy with him, regardless of what she feels for me. Watching them together, I realize Steffy is right, love no matter how deep it is, isn't enough. It hurts and breaks my heart watching them, but it just gives me confirmation that it's the way it's supposed to be and that I am doing the right thing."
I sigh and watch them for another minute before leaving the hospital and going back home
Chapter 20
I knock on Wyatt's door, hoping that he's home. Even if I wanted to I couldn't go anywhere tonight. Wyatt's was definitely better than a hotel room.
"Liam," Wyatt says in a bit of shock. "Why didn't you leave?"
"Can I come in first, before you hound be with a bunch of questions," I laugh lightly.
"Sorry," Wyatt smiles. "Yes, of course. Come in," Wyatt says motioning me inside.
I bring my luggage inside and set it by the door before closing the door shut.
"What are you doing back?" Wyatt asks again.
"You didn't get my text?" I ask. I sent it to you a couple hours ago when I was still at the hospital.
Wyatt's face drops slightly. "You were at the hospital? Why, what happened? Are you okay?" Wyatt reaches into his back pocket and takes out his phone, and looks at it quickly.
I see his eyes widen. I know he's seen my text message.
"Steffy had the baby?" he says in surprise.
I nod, "Yes, a few hours ago. She's at the hospital with Finn now."
Wyatt looks confused. "But, how did you end up there? I didn't think Steffy even wanted you there."
"Initially no, I don't think she did."
"I am totally confused; maybe you need to start from the beginning."
I take a seat, exhaling sharply. "It's pretty unbelievable, honestly."
"I am assuming that you actually did make it to Steffy's to give her the paperwork?"
"Yes. I was able to give her the paperwork. She was happy and relieved that I signed them, but—"
"But what?" Wyatt questions. "What happened after you gave her the paperwork?
"I told her that I was leaving, maybe for good, but that I couldn't stay here anymore. My heart is too broken and my head is still to messed up to watch her and Finn together, with Finn raising my children. I told her it would be too painful to watch. I can't settle being 'Uncle Liam'. I am Daddy, Uncle would be too hard, especially since it's not like I won't be witnessing Finn playing Daddy."
"I admitted that I deserve all the pain that comes my way, but that I couldn't bear to watch her, and that at least not being here, I might have a chance to heal and move on from her."
Wyatt rubbed his chin, "I'm guessing she didn't take to well to you revealing that you were going to leave town."
I shake my head forcefully. "No, not at all. She went completely nuts on me. I am surprised she didn't start throwing things at me. I was waiting for it. She even threw the papers back at me."
Wyatt furred his eyes. "She did what? You got to be kidding me."
"Yeah, she threw the papers at me."
Wyatt looks stunned. "I don't even know what to say. That is a very surprising move on her part. Definitely was not expecting that."
"Me either. She told me that she didn't want them."
"Wait—wait, that she didn't want the papers anymore?"
"No. She said that she didn't want them if it meant that I was going to leave town. She was begging me to stay."
"Wow," Wyatt says. "My mind is totally blown about that."
"I know me too. So, we were in this heated exchanged about why I needed to go and why she needed me to stay, when all of the sudden, Steffy started cramping. They came out of nowhere. I had her sit for a minute, but they just intensified, so we immediately left for the hospital."
"Basically, we got there and they took her into Labor and Delivery almost immediately. Dr. Philips checked her and Steffy was pretty much ready to go. Her labor came on fast and strong. I was going to initially wait outside while everything was going on, but Steffy was begging me to stay with her and not leave her alone. I was kind of stuck in a hard place, but I knew she needed the support and someone there for her so I stayed by her side, the whole time. I watched my son come into this world and I heard his first cry. It was so powerful. I mean yeah, I was there for Kelly's birth and of course that will always be special, she made me a Dad, but this, to be able to watch my son take his first breathe was incredible. The love that just immediately sweeps over you the second you hear their cry, it's so powerful."
"I'm sure it is," Wyatt says semi rolling his eyes at how cheesy I sounded.
"It is. Just wait for it when you find that special girl, and you guys have a baby together."
I smile as I reminisce ay the memories that were just made with Steffy and our son.
"You know, you have this ridiculous, goofy smile on your face," Wyatt teases.
"Sorry," I say. "I just can't help it. Another little me and little Steffy is now in this world. "The hour after she gave birth was probably the best hour I've had in a long time. I can't even explain what it felt like to spend independent family bonding time with just Steffy, me and our baby boy. It was a moment out of time. I wish we could've stayed in that moment forever. "
"I got to cut the cord, hold him, stare into his eyes, talk to him and love him as his Daddy. Steffy acknowledged me as his Daddy. I will always be grateful for that time."
"Where was Finn in all this? Why wasn't he there?"
"Funny enough, Finn was actually at an all day retreat upstate an hour or so. I called him when they were prepping Steffy for delivery."
"Wait, you actually called him? Was it under Steffy's orders? I would think you wouldn't want him there, and would relish being the one that was there for Steffy when she was giving birth.
"Don't think that thought didn't cross my mind," I chuckle. "But like I told you earlier, it's not about me anymore. It's about Steffy and what she needs. She needed Finn, so I called him."
"That takes a lot of courage and selflessness Liam. I'm proud of you. I take it Steffy was pleased?"
I nod, "She was surprised too that I called, but she was so grateful that I did. Either way, it still kind of worked out, because I got to be the one to be there with her and Finn didn't get there until after Steffy had already given birth."
"I did the honorable thing even though it was tough, and I let them have their family time together when Finn arrived. I watched invisibly from the door, watched them interact as a family, and from watching them; I can tell how much Steffy does love Finn. She may not love him the way she loves me, but she loves him enough. As hard as it is, I know that I made the right decision."
"Wow," is all Wyatt could say. "I'd say you had a very interesting and emotional day."
"That's an understatement."
"So, do you have any pictures of your son and a name?" Wyatt asks.
I take my phone out of my pocket. "Did you really just ask a new parent if they have any pictures of their new baby?" I laughed. "Of course, I do, maybe way too many."
"Ahhh, I'm sure that you could never have enough pictures of your child."
"Definitely not," I give Wyatt my phone to scroll through the pictures.
Wyatt is quiet for a minute before speaking. "Wow, this boy is identical to you. I don't see Steffy at all. He's even has your shaped face. You guys definitely make good looking kids."
"Awww, you think I'm good looking," I joke with him, lightly bumping into him.
"Alright, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I said you make good looking kids, not that YOU are good looking. I don't want your head swelling."
"What's his name?" Wyatt asks. "Did Steffy choose?"
"Actually, it was a semi joint effort. She came up with the name and asked if I would approve of it. I didn't even think I'd get a say in choosing our son's name. So, when she asked I was kind of caught off guard. She had two names that she really liked and I thought they were good choices, so I let her pick. She chose to go with Cooper William Forrester."
"Cooper William?" Wyatt asked. "She named the baby for you?"
I nod, "She said that even though I wasn't going to be in his life that she still wanted him to be connected to me. She didn't want William as a first name, you know with all the Williams around and she didn't really want to throw every day in Finn's face that the baby's name was William, really after me, so she chose Cooper."
"So, I'm guessing that Finn doesn't know the connection to Cooper."
I shake my head.
"Probably better that way," Finn says. "Now, there is only really one question left that needs to be answered."
"What's that?" I ask curiously.
"How'd do you feel about everything now that you've held and bonded with Steffy and your son? And are you now still planning on leaving town and never looking back?"
"Yes," I reply without hesitation.
"Liam—"
"No Wyatt, my mind is made up. I need this for myself. Steffy needs this. I think now that I have actually bonded with Cooper, that it'll be even harder if I stayed here. I already love that little boy, and I trust Steffy as his mother to make the right decision, but I still can't watch him be raised by someone that isn't me," I sigh sadly, looking down into my hands.
"I've got to be honest Liam."
"Honest about what?" I question him.
"I think you are still making a grave mistake when it comes down to it, and when it comes down to your son."
Chapter 21:
It's been about a week since Steffy gave birth to Cooper. She's checked in with me a couple times and have sent me pictures of him and pictures of Kelly with Cooper. It warms my heart so much.
Steffy seems very happy. She's has all that she needs and could ever want.
Steffy and Finn are getting married tomorrow on the beach. I knew it was going to happen as Steffy had been saying that they wanted to get married. At first it was before Cooper would be born, but with my ultimatums, she settled for a few days after she came home from the hospital.
I am leaving tomorrow. I want to let Steffy start her life with a fresh start and without me hanging over her head. I called her yesterday to tell her the news. She didn't take it well, but took it a lot better than I thought she would.
I am at Forrester Creations dropping something off to the Public Relations Director. It's my final act for Spencer headquarters, as I am flying to Dubai to run up the international office there.
I walk by Steffy's office. The door is cracked, not completely shut. I peek through the crack to see what she is doing and if she's busy. I'm surprised that she's even here considering that she just gave birth only a few days ago. She really is a catch all, can't sit still, always doing something person."
I see her standing in front of the floor length mirror. I open the door fully and see that she's in a white floor length lace dress with three quarter sleeves. She's admiring herself in the mirror.
She takes my breath away. "You look gorgeous, absolutely stunning," I say walking into the room. "You are gonna knock Finn's socks off tomorrow. There's never been a more beautiful bride."
"Oh Liam," she says taken aback. "You scared me. I didn't realize you had come in."
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," I smile at her.
"It's okay," she says returning the smile.
"Finn is a lucky guy," I say. "I hope he knows what he has, and never takes for granted what he has."
"He knows, he shows me every day."
"Good. As long as you are happy, that is all that matters."
"I am. I am very happy." She sighs, "What are you doing here?" she asks.
"I had to drop something off to your PR head for my Dad.
"Oh," she says,
"Yeah, my last act for Spencer Publication Headquarters. I leave for Dubai tomorrow to run that satellite office."
"Are you sure that is what you want to do?"
"No," I say quickly. I grab her hand. "But it's what I have to do. You know that I still want the best for you."
"I know," she says, "I get it," she sighs sadly.
"You know I love you, right?" I say.
"As much as I love you," she sniffs. "I will always love you," she declares.
"I have never regretted a single memory or moment that I have spent with you. I'm glad that we got to live this life together."
"It's been an amazing ride," she says with tears in her eyes.
"Yeah, some of the best times of my life were spent with you."
"Ditto," she says lovingly. "I will never forget one moment of it. Thank you for loving me and making me a better person. I am who I am today because of you being in my life."
"I could say the same thing for you."
"Can you promise me something?" I say as I caress her cheek softly.
"What?" she sniffs, wiping her tears.
"That you will never forget," I sigh before looking into her eyes. "Never forget the memories or the life that we have shared together, that life gave us two beautiful children, memories and love to last a life time. Most people can only dream of the life we have spent together, or are lucky enough to have the love that we have. I have no regrets, except for not realizing sooner how special and precious you really are to me. You are most certainly my queen, forever."
"Liam…" she says placing her hand on my cheek, running over my scruff, "Please don't say anymore. My heart is breaking. I can't imagine my life without you. But, just like you, I love you enough to let you go, to understand that this is what you need to do. I'm going to miss you like crazy, and every time, I look at Cooper—" she stops and sniffs barely able to get the words out. I could never forget the life that we've shared together. It changed my life. It wasn't a love that I asked for or expected, but fate knew what I needed, and it truly changed my life, filled me in ways I could have never imagined. I would not change anything, even some of the bad times, because it brought us to where we are. Things would've been very different, if we did one thing differently. Thank you, Liam. Thank you for loving me and being part of my life. I truly hope that you find peace and whatever it is you are looking for. I want nothing but the best for you, always.
She leans into me, her hand still on my face, and kisses me. It is no ordinary kiss. She kisses me passionately, opening her mouth as our tongues dance their final dance together. She runs her fingers through my hair and down my neck, before wrapping her arms around me. I groan at her touch. I pull her closer, not wanting this moment to end. I run my hand up and down her back before bringing my hands to face. We deepen the kiss a little more, and I feel the intensity of it. It wasn't just a goodbye kiss. It was a kiss that wrapped up 10 years of love, friendship, jealously, insecurities, betrayals, broken promises, hopes, trust, dreams, sex, memories, togetherness, fun, quiet easy moments, the unexpected, commitment and letting go."
I was the first one to pull back from the kiss. I look into her eyes for the last time. "Goodbye, Steffy."
She sniffs and then wipes her tears. "Goodbye, Liam."
Chapter 22
"Are you sure this is what you want to do? You can still change your mind," Wyatt posed.
"Yeah, this is what I want to do. I can't thank you enough again for everything."
"You still don't need to do this today."
I sigh, "Steffy is getting married today. She needs this fresh start without me hanging over her head. She needs this fresh start without me in the picture. I just need to be a distant memory. It's a good day for both of us to start anew."
"Liam, you know that you will never just be a memory to Steffy."
"Maybe, maybe not, but I still need to give her that chance."
Wyatt sighs feeling defeated, "Are you sure you don't want me to at least take you to the airport?"
"No, I need this time alone."
"Okay, if you insist. I can't stay though goodbyes aren't really my thing you know?"
I smirk at him, "I get it. I'll leave your key on the table when I leave."
"Don't worry, keep it, maybe one day you'll be back and need a place to stay. At least you will have one."
"Thanks, bro."
The car is going to be here in a few minutes. I've wrapped up everything I need to do before I leave. "I think I have everything," I say out loud.
I sit down at the table and go through my important papers. I make sure I have my license and passport within my paper and stick them in a folder. As I am organizing the papers, a picture of Steffy, Kelly, Cooper and I fall out of the folder. It was the picture that we took on the day that I went to say goodbye to Kelly and Cooper. We look so happy. Even though there was so much going on, we still looked like the perfect little family.
Tears start falling down my face, as I recall mine and Steffy's life together. It's still hard to believe that it's over. I don't know how I am going to move forward, but I will do it. I owe it to Steffy.
I touch the picture again, "I'm so sorry that I wasn't able to be what you deserved. You deserved so much more. I will always love you," I sniff softly.
I go to pick up my bags to bring them over to the door, when there is a knock on the door. I couldn't imagine who it was. Wyatt didn't tell me that he was expecting anyone.
There is another frantic knock on the door. "Okay, hold on, I am coming," I yell, walking to the door.
"Yes?" I say as I open the door.
I blink quickly, not sure that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Unbelievable, yet I couldn't look away. I was in shock and in an utter state of disbelief. I couldn't even form the needed words. She was here standing in front of me in her wedding dress, looking like a heavenly angel. Her eyes were soft, and she wore a smile on her face.
Finally, I am able to form some kind of words. "Steffy," I whisper. "What—What, you—"
"Did you honestly believe that I could go through with it?" she says smiling at me.
"You—you…How?" I still can't completely form a complete sentence.
"I was fooling myself thinking that marrying Finn was what I wanted and needed to do."
"What?" I say. She just gave me music to my ears with her last words. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here."
She sighs and touches my face again, running her thumb over my scruff. I immediately feel calm. "Marrying Finn would be a mistake. I couldn't do it. I thought it was what was best and I was ready. Right up until I met him at the altar. I was smiling and so happy, but as soon as I looked him in the eyes, standing up there, and all I saw was your face Liam. I tried to see Finn's, but no matter how hard I tried, it was just your face. That's when I knew. I knew that I couldn't go through with it. It wouldn't be fair to him, me, the kids…to you."
"Steffy," I say softly.
"Shhh," she comforts, putting her finger up to my lips.
"I was lying to myself about Finn. Yes, I love him, and we could've had a nice life together raising Kelly and Cooper, but my soul would never truly be satisfied and I wouldn't be able to love Finn, the way he loves me or the way that I love you. It wouldn't be fair. Finn is a great guy, but he deserves someone who will fully and completely love him and be devoted to him. I wouldn't call Finn, an obligation, but maybe my safe choice."
"You know our children deserve their father, not a substitute. They need you, they need their family." She holds up a folder.
"The papers," I whisper. "You didn't file them yet? I thought—I thought, you were going to file them as soon as you were released from the hospital?"
"I was," she confirms. "But, after spending time with you and our son in the hospital, I knew I couldn't do it, regardless if Finn and I got married or not. He's your son, and I was wrong to try and take that from you."
"Steffy," I whisper.
She rips the papers up in front of me and tosses them in the garbage.
"I want our life back, Liam. I believe it when you say that you have changed. I want you. I trust you, and I believe that we can have that happily ever after. It may take work, but we are worth it. We have both changed and grown a lot the last couple years, and even though we've had a lot of tough times, I think we are ready to truly start anew and I think that this time it can and it will be forever." She sighs, "It took me almost losing you forever, for me to realize that you are the want I want."
She looks at me tenderly, "this is a new beginning for us. I want this, I want you, I love you, Liam. It's always been you, and it will always be you. We can't deny that anymore. I realized, it's wrong for us to live half a life, to play it safe because we are afraid of the unknown. We may fail again, but what if we succeed? We will never know if we don't take the risk. I'm not too worried about failing. Yes, times may be rough or difficult, but I am now sure that there is nothing that we can't endure and that we can't overcome. You've known for a long time, how I feel about you. I want you to come home to us. This is a new beginning for us. I want this. Tell me, that you want it too, that it is not too late for us."
I just stare at her in awe and amazement. I don't even know what to say. I am afraid to speak in fear that this is all a dream. I can't wrap my head around the fact that she is saying these things to me, or that she's standing in my doorway, as beautiful as ever in her wedding dress. This is all I've ever wanted, hoped and prayed for and now here it is in my reach. She wants to be with ME. I have so many emotions swirling around in my head.
"Well, say something," she prompts, smiling at me, bringing me out of my thoughts.
There wasn't much I could say without breaking down and crying in pure happiness and joy.
"Are you sure that this is what you want, Steffy?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
"This, us, is what I want. Please, don't doubt that Liam. I love you, Liam, so much," she professes.
I touch her face and study it. She's made my life. I love her so much. There truly isn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I lean in to kiss her passionately, feeling the passion and the fire ignites as soon as our lips touch.
"I love you too, Steffy."
Epilogue:
Steffy snuggles up to me and tenderly kisses my chest. Both of us sated from our passionate love making. It was the first time we had come back together since the night that Cooper was conceived. We had to wait until she was all healed up from Cooper's birth, and the doctor gave her okay. It was a hard month waiting for today but when we finally came together, it was explosive and as if our bodies and souls had never been apart. Everything that we had been through over the last couple years was now meaningless.
I still have a hard believing that after everything that this is where we have ended up.
"Mmm," she says snuggling even closer to me, waking from her slumber. I wrap my arms around her not wanting to let her go. I caress her naked back. I just stare at her as if I'm in a trance. She's so beautiful, so perfect and she's mine. I can't believe this is where we are. I know now that I am never leaving her again. I couldn't even if I wanted to. She's ingrained into my soul, into my DNA.
"Amazing," I smile before leaning down to kiss her head. "It was wonderful, Steffy." I can still feel the feelings, and emotions that were stirred up within me when we made love earlier, when I entered her and we finally came together again. It truly made waiting these past few months' worth it. No one has ever been able to make me what Steffy has made me feel. My body has never reacted the way it's reacts around Steffy. I smile goofily on the inside at the thought. I immediately feel myself get hard again at the thought. Will I ever stop wanting this woman?
"I have to get up, Cooper needs another feeding in a little bit, but I am so comfortable and so happy. I never want this night to end. I love you so much Liam. I never realized truly how much I missed our life together. I don't know who we were kidding thinking that we could live without each other.
She smiles, "I am so happy, Liam.""
I smile at her and inwardly laugh, "Who was that person, that was thinking that we could live without each other, because it certainly wasn't me," I saying winking at her.
"You never gave up on us, never lost faith in us,"
"I couldn't do that," I say sliding up in the bed. "You are kind of it for me,"
"Well, thank you for that. Without your persistence we would not be where we are right now. We wouldn't have been given the chance again to live this dream."
"Any time you need a little reminding or someone to have faith or be strong for you, you have me. I'm never going to disappoint you or betray you again. I love you, Steffy."
"I know. I love you too, " she whispers before kissing my chest again,
"You know, I actually have something for you, if you want it," I say half smiling at her.
"You do? What is it?" she asks.
I pull out of the nightstand that is on my side of the bed a little black box. It's been in there for days, I'm surprised Steffy hadn't found it. I cup it in my hand and I walk over to Steffy's side of the bed and kneel on the floor. I tenderly take her hand in mine.
I sigh feeling very nervous all of the sudden. "Steffy, you are every man's dreams. We've worked so hard to get back to where we are right now. I am crazy about you, and always will be. You've set my soul aflame, and have made me feel things that I didn't even know existed. You is where my soul belongs, and if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I love you, how much I am committed to you and how grateful I am every day that you are in my life. Will you do me the honor of being my wife? Will you marry me, forever?"
She looks down at the ring in near tears. "Are you sure? I mean there is no rush. We don't have to get married."
I smile at her, always giving me the option of an out. I don't need it though. This is my place.
"I'm sure. We are forever, and if getting married brings us one step closer to that, there is no question that I want to do it. I love you."
"Yes of course I will marry you," she says happily.
I can barely contain my happiness and excitement. I lean over to kiss her passionately, leaning her down onto the bed as I get ready for another amazing round of love making with my wife to be.
