To Tell the Truth, Part 2/8: Parole

Chapter 4

Within half an hour the Argo and an armed Marcus were ready to leave. While the other five uttered only a terse 'thank you,' Chakotay gave Tom an awkward hug and said nothing. He herded all except B'Elanna into the shuttle to give the couple a moment alone.

B'Elanna opened her mouth to speak, but his mouth on hers silenced her before she could utter a syllable. When she tried to wrap her arms around his neck, he caught her hands in his. Lifting his head from hers, he pressed a kiss to each palm and curled each hand into a fist as if to hold the kisses there. With a tender smile, he gave her a gentle nudge towards the shuttle door. He turned on his heel and exited the shuttle bay immediately for fear he would forget everything and board the shuttle to be with her.

He hurried to the Bridge where he planned to control everything that was about to happen. He could just as easily have done it from anywhere on the ship, but he wanted to be on the Bridge for some reason. Even though what he was doing was mutinous, no matter how he had justified it to Seven, he still wanted to stand one last time on the Bridge, the site, in his mind at least, of Tom Paris's redemption. A twisted smile crossed his lips. He was bringing everything full circle. The site of his redemption would be the site of his descent back to what he had been when he came on board nothing but a worthless criminal. At least this time there would not be prison in his future.

"Paris to Argo. Here we go. Computer, run programme Paris The Great Escape, One Red-herring, One De-boned, Stage One. Display on Main Viewer."

On the screen he saw the shuttle bay doors open and two shuttles powering up to leave.

Suddenly two things happened which should not have. The Bridge transformed into the interior of a Holodeck and he heard the Captain's voice over his combadge.

"Tom, stop your Escape programme."

Tom shook his head. 'What in the Seven Hells are you up to now, Camet?'

He could feel Camet's confusion mirroring his own.

"Tom, please!"

Automatically he obeyed the urgency in her voice. "Computer, code Epsilon Delta One Clear for Paris The Great Escape programme."

"Chakotay to Janeway."

"Go ahead," the Captain invited.

"The Marcus and Argo are under control, Captain. Phaser banks are powering down."

"Thank you."

"Bridge out."

"Tom," the Captain called, "Voyager's is dead in the proverbial water. Release your commands."

Dazed, Tom did. "Computer, code Epsilon Delta One Clear for all Paris programmes currently running."

"Acknowledged," the female voice responded.

When they entered Holodeck Three ten seconds later and she finally saw Tom, Kathryn knew she never had seen on anyone's face an expression akin to the one currently on her Chief Helmsman's. It was shock and confusion and something else she was tempted to identify as despair or desolation. The look of professionalism she so carefully had
schooled her features to reflect nearly slipped. For the first time she was seeing Tom Paris sans mask and it was breaking her heart.

This had seemed like such a good idea when they had formulated it in her quarters two nights ago. Send him down to the planet on some pretext then later beam him up, not to the real Transporter Room, but to a simulated one on the Holodeck. After he and the simulated Voyager had "returned to the Alpha Quadrant" and he had realized his future
was not necessarily as bleak as he thought, they would reveal the hoax and talk about his insecurities which now would be out in the open.

And look how that plan had blown up in all their faces, she inwardly moaned. Crewmembers being beamed all over the ship. Losing control of Voyager. Nearly losing two shuttles. Five people briefly trapped in Holodeck One before someone realized they were there and beamed them out. But most importantly, Tom Paris committing what amounted to mutiny and she leaving her without the faintest idea what to do about it.

Tuvok silently at her heels, she entered then stopped a metre from the stunned and shaken man.

"Wha...?"

"This was all a simulation, Tom," she began.

"Simulation?" he croaked.

"Yes. None of it was real. At least not what you were experiencing. The rest of us weren't so lucky. Every command you gave the computer carried out. The only commands we were able to override were for the releasing of the myzine gas and, after a whole lot of work, the transporters. Needless to say, I'm not sure who was more surprised, Seven or
those who had been having lunch, when everyone in the Mess Hall and suddenly appeared in Cargo Bay Two. Same with those who suddenly started appearing in Mess Hall. One rather startled crewman appeared there only wearing a towel and a smile before we were able to override the transporter controls and trick the Computer into thinking it still was transporting people various places."

"Why do this?"

"It was to be your parole test."

"Parole test?"

She nodded slowly. "Back in the Alpha Quadrant, when you came up for parole you would have been tested to measure the degree to which your rehabilitation had succeeded. This was... the Voyager version," she told him, quoting Harry's descriptor for their plan.

"Why?"

"We were worried about you, Tom. We knew your future was on your mind. When we planned this two nights ago, we figured things would go differently. The idea was to make you see that you had a good future ahead of you, that the past was over and you were a new man." She frowned. "Needless to say, it didn't quite go as we expected."

"Who's 'we'?"

"Your friends." At his silence, she continued and told him exactly who had been in on the planning. When she said B'Elanna's name, he looked like she had phasered him. "She really didn't want any part of it, Tom," she explained. Trying to spare his already bruised feelings, she left out the fact it was from B'Elanna's account of one of their private conversations that Tuvok had had the idea for all this.

"But she helped," he asked in a monotone.

"Yes."

"These weren't holocharacters, were they? They were real."

"Chakotay, B'Elanna, Neelix, and Seven were real, yes. And Harry, Tuvok, and myself were at the staff meeting. You know us too well to be fooled by anything less than the real thing unless we had spent weeks perfecting every nuance. We thought it was simpler to have the real people play themselves."

"But the rest of the crew weren't here?"

"No. They were holograms. We took the chance you weren't close enough to any of them to notice any inconsistencies." She guessed at what was concerning him the most. "Tom, only the nine of us know what happened here, and only Tuvok and I know all of it. The others only know the parts they were present for." She broke off as the Paris mask finally fell back into place.

"So, brig, quarters, rank?"

"I don't understand."

"I am to be confined to the Brig or my quarters or have a reduction in rank? Or is it to be all three?"

"Tom, none, I-"

"By your own admission, you are aware of everything which transpired here. You know what I did, or rather thought I was doing. Plus I endangered the crew by my programmes taking control of the ship. Had things continued, one shuttle would have been destroyed and another would have been lost as it attempted to follow the path it was programmed to take. The logical punishment -"

"Tom, there won't be any punishment."

That closed his mouth though his eyes were wary.

"Yes, I will have to make a note of this in my log and, yes, it could be argued that you were wrong by doing what you thought you were doing, but I understand why you did it. I share the sentiment, I really do. Personally, I don't want to think beyond the point of getting us all home because I know you probably weren't that far off in your predictions of what will happen." She reached out to him. "We'll have to come up with a better idea than the one you had here. One in which no one has to fake their deaths or take blame for something they did not do."

Tom stepped away from her hand. "Now what?"

Her hand dropped. "What do you mean?"

"If I am not be punished, what now?"

"Life goes on. Though hopefully not as it was. I would hope you might be willing to talk about why you've been the way you have for the past two months."

His look told her his response to her hopes. "Incidentally, who won the pool?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Pool?"

"The betting pool. Over when precisely I would fail."

"Tom, there was no pool. The only ones who know about what was going on here are the ones I told you about. No one else."

"But the rest of the crew are very curious."

"Word has been spread," Tuvok explained, "that, at the Captain's behest, you and I are involved in writing another of our holonovels. The odd things which have happened outside of this Holodeck are being explained as spill over from said holonovel. The senior staff has been claiming to be working on the problem."

"Which is not exactly a lie," the Captain added. "They have been working on countermanding your programmes, with little success I might add."

"And when the crew start asking to see this holonovel?"

"They will be told it was abandoned because of the problems it caused," the Security Chief assured.

"And I thought *I* had thought of everything," he observed in a tone bordering on sarcastic.

"You were rather thorough in your evaluation and execution of your plan, Lieutenant. However, I do not understand your purpose in remaining behind when the others had left. What was it did you had to do? And what was the purpose of the hypospray you kept with you at all times."

Tom ignored him for a moment. He looked at the Captain. "So I am free to go?"

"Well-"

He looked at Tuvok. "You like riddles, Tuvok. See if you can find the answers for yourself." With that parting shot, he left the Holodeck.

"Seven." Harry nodded to the occupant of the turbolift as he entered.

There was no response.

Harry frowned. This was not like her at all. Introspective was not a word he ever would have applied to her before now. Now it was the only one which fit.

"Seven?"

She blinked and looked at him. He had seen that particular look before. His hard-partying roommate during his first year at the Academy had looked at him the same way every time he had woken him up.

"May I ask you a question?"

The ensign blinked himself. The soft, almost tentative tone of voice. The asking permission to seek the information she required, not bluntly demanding it. 'This wasn't Seven at all,' he realized. Something was wrong.

"Okay," he answered slowly.

"Do you think I'll be in danger when I reach the Alpha Quadrant?"

"Danger?"

"From people wanting revenge on me for what the Borg has done to them?"

"Maybe. What's got you thinking about that? That's a long way in the future."

"Lieutenant Paris... In the simulation... He said..."

"Computer, halt turbolift." As it did so, he turned her to him. Like the others involved in planning the test, Harry had been kept out of the loop once he no longer had a part to play in the simulation. Because of that, he was in the dark about everything that had occurred after the "staff meeting," but on Seven's behalf, he felt anger welling up in him over whatever bone-headed remark his best friend had made. "What did he say?"

"He said I might be a target for them. Or that I might become a specimen in a lab."

"Seven, nothing like that'll happen. We won't let it."

"You could not protect me constantly. And he was correct in bring it to my attention. I had not considered the possibility of my reception being less than pleasant until he brought it up."

"He shouldn't have said anything," Harry ground out.

"Yes, he should. He is correct. I needed to be prepared for the potential situation."

"Seven, no one on Voyager is going to let anyone hurt you."

"I cannot be protected all the time."

Harry was scrambling for a way of denying the truth in that statement when the Commander's voice called them to a meeting in the Bridge level Conference Room.

"We'll talk about this later." Even as the promise left his mouth, he saw her beginning to retreat within herself and the Seven of Nine with whom they all were more familiar reappeared. Clearly the moment of weakness was over. Harry sighed and ordered the turbolift to resume.

Kathryn rested her folded arms on the back of her chair in the Senior Conference Room. While Tuvok was delivering a concise summary of the events of the past few hours, she watched B'Elanna. It was difficult to tell if the devastated look on her face was because Tom had failed the test or because Chakotay had told her that, if it all had been real, she never would have seen Tom again once she and the others had left the ship.

She glanced at Chakotay. No, he would not have been so cruel as to tell her the truth. Or would he have seen it as cruelty? In spite of the truce her First Officer and Helmsman had called with one another, she knew Chakotay still did not really like Tom, especially not Tom with B'Elanna. But would he intentionally hurt B'Elanna by telling her Tom was going to desert her in the future? Would he ignore Tom's good intentions, just so he could provoke the young woman into breaking up with him now to avoid her being dumped later? Maybe.

Her answer came when Tuvok reached that section of his narrative. B'Elanna had not known. Eyes that until then had been focused on the tabletop leapt to the Vulcan. Her mouth opened and closed in shock.

"Perhaps Tom wanted to stay," Harry suggested, softly to the shocked woman in the chair next to him. All his anger with Tom on Seven's behalf had evaporated upon hearing the reason for his words to the former Borg and the noble thing he had tried to do for the Maquis. "He just couldn't figure out how to tell you or Chakotay that he was going to
stay so he fibbed a little."

Even to Harry's own ears the explanation rang false.

Tuvok obviously agreed. "I do not think so, Ensign," Tuvok countered. "You must take into consideration his actions towards some of the crew, in particular, the Captain, Naomi Wildman, and yourself, and his later insistence Lieutenant Torres decide on her own if she was going or stay. It is more likely he was telling the truth and was leaving later after he had done whatever it was he had left undone."

"Any ideas on what this mysterious errand was?" Neelix asked.

The Vulcan ignored the angry glance Harry was sending his way for his cavalier attitude towards B'Elanna's feelings. "None. It can be assumed that it was something which could not be programmed into the Ship's Computer as the fake sensor logs or any of the other programmes he had prepared for his plan." The Security Chief looked at the Captain. "Obviously Mr. Paris has not been given enough credit for his programming abilities. The level of encryption for his programmes was very high."

"As was obvious towards the end," Chakotay remarked. "I couldn't believe it when the Argo and Marcus suddenly launched and we couldn't call them back. I'm glad no one was in those shuttle bays or the shuttles when they launched."

"If Mr. Paris ever chose to take over Voyager again, I doubt we could stop his plan. Him, certainly, but not his plans once they were under way."

Neelix frowned. "You said you had little problem gaining control of the programme for the gas canisters? You made the computer think it was doing what it was programmed to do. Why couldn't you do the same with the other programmes? Obviously he did the programming for both."

"That *is* a bit of a mystery, Mr. Neelix. That programme did not have the same level of encryption that the following programmes possessed. One would have expected the opposite - that the programme to render the crew unconscious would be the most carefully guarded since it was the most crucial part of his plan. Were anyone to detect and circumvent it, the remainder of his plan would have fallen to pieces. Yet as soon as I heard the file name and that it was in the Holodeck programme files, it was a simple task to assume control of it and trick the computer into thinking it was running and the myzine gas had been deployed. It was the other programmes, the ones which gained him control of the unmanned Voyager which proved impossible to breech."

"Maybe that's the point," Harry interjected. When he was met with blank stares he continued. "Think about it. Before everyone fell unconscious, no one would have had any inkling that anything was about to happen so everyone's guards would be down. There was no need to protect that programme as heavily as the others. No one would be trying to crack it because no one knew it existed or that they had a reason to want to stop it. The Doctor says the gas works in seconds. That's not enough time for anyone to process what was happening once it's begun and do something about it."

Nodding in comprehension, Chakotay picked up the thought. "Later on though, there would be a definite danger of someone trying to stop him because there would be some of the crew would be awake and know what was going on."

"Exactly. If just one of the people he had awoken had decided to stop him, he would have been in trouble. The encoding had to be as difficult to crack as possible."

"It is puzzling," Seven remarked, "that Lieutenant Paris did not include an intruder alert in his programmes. Had he done so he would have been informed immediately the moment Lieutenant Commander Tuvok began tampering with his programmes."

"It would have given everything away," Neelix agreed.

"Yes, that has puzzled me also," Tuvok admitted as he rose and approached the computer display opposite the conference table. "Computer, location of Lieutenant Paris?"

"Lieutenant Paris is in his quarters."

"Reroute all communications and computer access to and from his quarters to the Bridge level Conference Room. Authorization Tuvok Beta Pi. Access Holodeck files. Locate and display Paris programme Sleep One."

As he entered commands to decode the text which was appearing, a small United Federation of Planets symbol appeared in the lower left hand corner of the screen.

"As I suspected. This is your intruder alert, Seven."

"Something totally routine and easily overlooked," Harry smiled. "Had anyone else seen it they would have thought it always had been there and they simply had missed seeing it before. Only Tom would have known what it meant."

Chakotay frowned. "Then it is surprising he missed it."

"Not really," Tuvok denied as he closed the file. "He was not looking at a computer when I accessed his programme. He was crawling through a Jefferies tube. By the time he had returned to Sickbay, I was in control of his programme. It no longer recognized me as an intruder."

"Okay, that explains the Sleep programme but why didn't he notice your trying to access the others? He used a few different consoles and terminals. Even if they were only simulations they still should have shown the alert."

"As he seemingly thought of every possible scenario. It is likely that in the event he was on the Holodeck at the time of an attempted breech of his programmes, the Holodeck would in some way have shown him the signal. I will have to review the recording of the test again to see if I can figure out how he overlooked it."

The Doctor interrupted for the first time. "It is quite possible given his highly emotional state that he did overlook them. Mr. Paris's readings suggested he was in a highly agitated state. His adrenaline levels spiked frequently throughout the test."

"You tried to tell me something about that at the time, Doctor," the Captain remembered, "but I was too busy to listen. What was it?"

The EMH tried and failed to disguise his displeasure at the Captain being "too busy to listen" to his, to his mind, extremely important observations. "What I was going to say was that each time his adrenaline spiked it would maintain that high level for one point seven seconds then abruptly they would drop off to less than normal. A lot less than."

"A lot less than?"

"Yes. It was as though something had siphoned off nearly all of his adrenaline."

"How did he do it? Some sort of mind control? Relaxation exercise?"

"I don't know. Perhaps. I will have to investigate that further."

"Speaking of investigations, have you figured out what he was doing to his medical file and your logs?"

"No. It is very odd. Mr. Tuvok has shown me the recording of Mr. Paris doing something to all of the scans I have taken of him since the beginning of his crisis with Mr. Chakotay's akoonah yet I look at them now and I see absolutely no difference. I know he did something, at least it looks like he did, but I cannot tell you what."

"Keep looking, Doctor. I want to know exactly what he did."

"Yes, Captain."

"Have you had any better luck with finding out about this substance he had in the hypospray?"

"Pure plientis root extract." His tone told everyone he had told her the name before but obviously she had not been listening to that either. "It's a prohibited substance in Federation space except on the planet Ontlem where it is a native plant and apparently the only place in the galaxy it will grow. Anyone caught off of the planet with it receives an automatic five-year jail sentence. On Ontlem, it is immediate execution."

"Execution!" Neelix gasped. "Isn't that rather harsh?"

"Not to the Ontlem's way of thinking, Mr. Neelix. They consider immediate execution to be quite the deterrent to those who wish to traffic the extract or use it for their own malevolent purposes. Plientis root extract only has too uses. Its official use is for colouring ceremonial robes. The pure extract is diluted with salt water and used as a dye. Only a handful of textile manufacturers are approved to work with it."

"And unofficially?" Harry asked.

"Unofficially is the reason why the manufacturers must have special permits to make and use the extract. In its pure form, the extract is one of the fastest and most lethal substances known in the Alpha Quadrant and because of that one of the most illegal. The replicators are not supposed to even replicate it without special instructions from Starfleet Command it is that illegal."

Tuvok's eyebrow lifted. "Given Mr. Paris's recent demonstration of computer hacking skills, I hardly think it was difficult for him to convince the computer to ignore that order."

"Yes, well, once the extract enters the bloodstream it already is too late to save the victim. It spreads throughout the system and within a five milliseconds the victim is dead. Within a minute all tissues are vaporized. All that is left is a skeleton. It is a swift and rather painless way to die actually."

"Why would Tom be carrying something like that?" Kathryn wondered in a hushed voice.

"That I cannot explain, Captain. Though I think we can rule out the possibility of him having a stack of robes which need re-dyeing."

Everyone ignored the EMH's black humour.

"Perhaps it was meant as a protection against these two groups he said wanted him dead or alive?" Chakotay suggested.

"The expression on his face," Neelix observed, "was somewhat strange when he looked at it."

Harry nodded. "Like he was entranced by it."

"And he continually checked to make certain it still was with him," Tuvok added, "as if he was worried he would lose it or it would disappear."

"Agreed," Seven nodded, "but if the Commander is right and it was meant for self-defence it is not a sensible choice. The assailant would have to be within reach for him to use it. That is unacceptably close. A phaser rifle would be more practical as a defensive weapon."

Kathryn changed the subject. "What about this comment about having successfully removed people's memories in the past?"

"There is no mention of it in his file," Chakotay shrugged.

"It would be so much easier if Mr. Paris would just tell us what we want to know," the Doctor complained. "This speculating is getting us nowhere."

"Yes, it would be easier," the Captain agreed, "but he won't."

Kathryn wondered if Tom would tell any of them anything else again after this disaster. She knew it was going to be difficult to regain the ground they had lost over this, if they ever could. If only things had worked out right. They had been so sure they knew how he would act.

She looked at B'Elanna, silently slumped in her chair and staring unseeingly at the tabletop. His mate had been the most certain of how Tom would react. B'Elanna had insisted he wanted his career back, even if he would be the last one to admit it. He was a pilot par excellence, but he also was a natural leader like the rest of the Paris clan. Kathryn agreed with her. As he continued to mature, she knew he would become even more comfortable with the responsibility being a Starfleet Officer entailed and want to stay on in Starfleet. *If* Starfleet had the sense to permit it.

But that was some time in the future and they, and the young woman down the table from her especially, had the fall-out from the here and now to deal with. From the overjoyed look on B'Elanna's face at the time, she had guessed during the simulation was the first time he had told B'Elanna he loved her instead of just showing her. Kathryn had seen the same look on her sister's face the day her first boyfriend had said those words to her. The joy and relief that the object of one's affections returned those affections was hard to mistake. If only Tom had not said what he had said to Chakotay in the simulation about not joining them later and Tuvok had not blurted it out before Kathryn has had a chance to prepare B'Elanna.

But it had happened.

"This is getting us nowhere," the Captain sighed as she rose and slowly walked towards B'Elanna, eyes on the others. "Everyone go back to your duties. There's nothing else we can do for now."

As the others filed out, Kathryn laid a restraining hand on her Chief Engineer's shoulder to keep her in her seat. A quick jerk of his Captain's head was enough to dissuade Harry from his intention of waiting for his shell-shocked friend to join him.

Hand lifting, she sat in the chair next to the younger woman. "Well, it's certain been one Hell of a day all round, hasn't it?" She attempted to elicit a smile. "At least you won't have to test the site to site transporter system for a while. It certainly got a work out today. That Padlock Programme of his really was something. Us having to beam all of you in and out of the Holodeck all because the doors refused to open." Her voice petered out when she knew B'Elanna was not listening.

"All my fault," B'Elanna whispered numbly, eyes still downcast. "He did this for me."

"Partly, yes, I think he did. No one knows better than Tom what it is like to be in prison. I'm sure he wanted to spare you and the others that experience. I also think, you were right when you guessed some of it was to redeem himself in the eyes of the Maquis." She shrugged. "If there is any more reasons than that, I don't know what they are."

"He won't be punished, will he?"

"The rules dictate that since he failed his parole exam he should be returned to his place of incarceration. Obviously, we can't do that."

"If you could?"

"That's the worst part of this job, having to follow the rules all the time, even the ones you personally don't agree with."

"So you would."

"I don't know. But, were we in the Alpha Quadrant and if he somehow escaped before he got back to prison, I would regret the loss of a fine officer and great pilot, but secretly wish him well."

B'Elanna nodded.

The older woman leaned back in her chair. "When you argued for your returning to the simulation, it wasn't really because you thought Tom would expect you to choose to go, was it? It was because you thought he wanted to go and you were going to try to talk him out of leaving."

The brown eyes closed.

"Chakotay and I thought so."

"That's why he went too."

"Yes. We knew you were up to something. Until you argued in favour of your beaming back onto the Holodeck, he and I had decided none of you would return to the simulation. The five holocharacters of Oliva, Hydrat, Moi, Redstone, and Vavin were to go. Despite everyone's best efforts, the five of them never have fully fit in to the Starfleet way of life. It made sense for them to want to leave. Chakotay and Neelix had no issues with staying. We thought you were happy here too. Maybe Seven would have considered going, given the bleak picture of the future that he painted for her."

"But she refuse to participate any further since her time was better used elsewhere and it was a waste of time to continue as we already knew... well thought we knew the outcome of the test." B'Elanna rushed to her feet and began to pace. "I hate to say it, but she was right. We should have stopped the simulation right there and confronted Tom. His defences were down and wasn't that the point? To get his defences down so everyone could get past his façade and talk to him about his recent attitude and dim view of the future?

"We probably shouldn't have done it at all," Kathryn admitted.

Near the viewport, B'Elanna stopped and looked at her captain.

"I should have listened to you when you said Tom was beginning to open up to you again, should have let you handle it, but..."

"But you love him too and couldn't stand seeing him in pain, no matter how well he tried to hide it."

Kathryn nodded. "*And* I am Captain and he is one of my best officers."

"And you need him a whole, happy, stable person." She turned her gaze to the starfield. "I can't help you this time, Captain. He knows I betrayed him and his trust by helping do this to him. He won't ever talk to me again."

"He will. He just needs to calm down, see what we were doing was to help him. Even if we went about it the wrong way."

B'Elanna did not appear convinced.

"He loves you very much. He did tell you that, if he were able to, he would follow you anywhere. Clearly in his mind he wasn't able, but I can't think of many who would willingly go wherever their partner wanted without having a say-"

"But he chose not to go," she broke in, anger finally overwhelming her remorse.

"These people who want him-"

"I forgot the pneumatic trick."

Kathryn's head whirled at the swift change of topic. "Pneumatic trick?"

"For remembering how to spell 'assume.' Make an 'ass' of 'u' or 'me.'"

"I don't..."

"Kahless, he was going to let me go thinking he would be joining me later," she growled to herself.

"B'Elanna, I think you should watch the recording of exactly what he said to Chakotay. It wasn't as cold blooded a statement as Tuvok said it. Tom really was upset at having to leave you. He honestly was doing it for your own protection. I really believe that. He wasn't doing it to make... an ass out of you."

"But was going to do it anyway."

"He was leaving to keep you safe. These people he told Chakotay want him-"

"If we were going to be so safe at this base of his, this base that no one knows about, then he would have been too. No, he wasn't coming because he was going to try to stay with Starfleet. This story about people wanting him dead, it was just a story. He was telling it to Chakotay so he wouldn't hurt him for hurting me."

"First of all, I doubt Starfleet would take him back all that easily, B'Elanna, and secondly, do you honestly think he would pick Starfleet, who threw him out when he told the truth about his mistakes, over you, a woman who loves him? Not the Tom Paris I know."

"I don't think any of us really know Tom Paris," she scoffed and stormed out of the Conference Room.

'Yes,' Kathryn sighed, 'one Hell of a day.'

The man who no one really knew was back in his safe place again - seated on the deck in the corner of his bedroom. This time he wasn't crying as he had been after regaining consciousness from his experience with the akoonah and his Awakening. This time he was staring blankly ahead of him, knees to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs, right temple against the bulkhead. This time there was no chance of a certain beautiful engineer coming in, wrapping him in her arms, and murmuring quietly to him until he fell asleep. She had betrayed him and by now someone, probably Chakotay, had told her of his lie to her as well. She certainly wouldn't be coming to him after hearing that he had planned not to stay at her side when Voyager returned home. This time he was alone and was going to stay that way.

*Oh, but you're not alone,* Gul Camet sneered, *we're here with you. We'll always be here with you.*

He closed his eyes and thought longingly of the hypospray. If only it all had been real. The others would be home in the Alpha Quadrant and this would all finally be over, for them and especially for him.

*It'll never be over now. They'll find out just what was in that precious little hypo of yours.* He laughed. *I can't wait to hear how you plan to explain why you had it and what you were planning on doing with it.*

'I'll tell them it was for protection.'

*Against whom? Them?*

'No. I told Chakotay about people wanting me dead. I could say it was to protect myself against them.'

*Like they'll believe that,* Camet laughed.

Camet was right. How was he going to explain the hypo? Only the truth would suffice and only by telling them about his past, what he was and what he had done, would the truth make sense. There was no other way of understanding why his committing suicide was the only way of saving himself and all of them.

*Do you really think your remains being found would stop The Protectors from sending the AlphaOmegans in for a full investigation what had happened on Voyager?*

'Everyone would think my being responsible for yet another crash that killed some of my friends had thrown me over the edge. No one would question Tom Paris committing suicide after causing the death of his mate.'

*Tom Paris, no. But Alpha Two would wonder how you were able to actually do the deed. How you could do something which was contrary to one of their Commands. They'd wonder if you were Awake.*

'They'd investigate and they'd wonder, but they would not find anything. The plientis root would have damaged The Implant enough they couldn't have told whether it was active or dormant. And I altered my medical file and checked the Doc's logs for any mention of anything strange about my recent test results. They'd never have found evidence to confirm I was Awake.'

*But the others will have seen you changing your file.*

'They won't see any changes,' Tom interrupted.

*But your so-called friends will make a report about all of this in their logs. And they're on to you now so you just can't go in and change their logs without them noticing at some point.* He could sense Camet grinning. *Face it, your situation is hopeless. They are on to you. Your attempts to act normal only made it more obvious that things weren't normal. Now they know about your plan. Not that it would have worked anyway. With the technology The Protectors are withholding from the rest of the Alpha and Beta Quadrants, they might have something that would have uncovered the fact there had not been any shuttle accident, that you had faked it all. They probably could have figured out you'd changed your medical records too. Face it, you're doomed and so are all of them.*

He curled up even tighter. It was ironic really. They had done all this in an attempt to give him hope for the future and in doing so had taken away all his hope.


02/06/2020 : Formatting of the text corrected for the entire Parole Part of this story.