Togetherness Chapter 4
By mid-day, "Tom" had returned to his quarters for lunch. After what had happened the last time they had entered the Mess Hall, Tom refused to take any chances by going in there. They argued a bit over the lunch menu then settled on an innocuous tomato soup. Once the meal was finished, "Tom" moved from a chair at the dining table to the one at his desk. Tom knew he could not put off doing what had to be done any longer. Tuvok's body was showing no signs of a miracle recovery. They might actually have to use the robot. That meant he had no choice other than to show Tuvok the secret files every ship built in the Alpha and Beta Quadrants carried.
Tom entered a complex series of codes into his desktop computer. A forcefield crackled to life across the door and the screen before him lit up.
'What are you doing, Mr. Paris?'
'Getting the Graves information. The forcefield is so no one stumbles in here and sees something they're not supposed to.'
"Computer, recognize Paris, Thomas Eugene. Alpha Gamma Four. Request access to AlphaOmegan files. Clearance, Delta Tango 6218144. Ultra Maroon through Ice Blue. Clear."
"Please state identification code."
"AlphaOmegan 41783. Project Phoenix. Codename Sunbird."
"Recognized, AlphaOmegan 41783. Please state request."
"Open file 'Graves, Ira, Doctor.'"
A picture of Ira Graves and his complete file appeared before them. Tom paged down until he found the link to the accompanying research. As he refreshed his memory regarding the procedure, he felt Tuvok reading "over his shoulder" as it were.
'Still willing to consider this, Tuvok?'
'I see nothing here that is unduly risky, Lieutenant. However, I also do not see any notations regarding transferring only one consciousness when two are present.'
'Ah, but that is where we come in. We get the pleasure of figuring out that one.'
'I see. Lieutenant?'
'Yes, Tuvok?' Tom answered, distractedly. The majority of his attention was on the documentation before him.
'You are an AlphaOmegan?'
All of Tom's attention shifted to his companion. 'Yes, Tuvok?'
'When I was serving on the Excelsior under Captain Sulu I believe there was an incident with an AlphaOmegan.'
Tom called up Tuvok's file - the complete version, not the one Starfleet had. He quickly jumped to the incident Tuvok meant.
'AlphaOmegan 27112. Injured during a Mission and a shuttle from the Excelsior stumbled across his heavily damaged ship. You were on the shuttle and reported the only thing the survivor said before he died was "AlphaOmegan." No one other than you with your Vulcan hearing heard it. No sense could be made of the words other than "alpha" meaning first and "omega" meaning last. *Family* claimed the body saying he hadn't been mentally ill for some time and that was the only explanation the could give for his words and presence where you found him, in the condition you found him in.'
'Given the manner in which you said "family," can I assume they were not his relations.'
'They were some of ours.' He switched back to Graves' research. 'Our leaders needed to know how much of his Mission had been accomplished.'
'He was dead. How could they have received their answer? If I remember correctly, they did not take anything other than the body.'
'They didn't need anything further than that.'
'What do you mean?'
Tom sighed. Tuvok was not going to give up now that he was starting to get the answers he wanted. 'Each one of us has an Implant in our brains,' he told him. 'It records everything we experience with our senses. Once we're at a base, a technician can download it all for analysis. That's why they only needed the body. For the Implant.'
'You have one of these devices?'
'Yes.'
'Then when they come for you-'
'Mine is damaged, Tuvok. The incident with Chakotay's akoonah caused a malfunction. It might not be recording any further. I don't know. The scans I performed on it after the fact were inconclusive.'
'Why has the Doctor never found it?'
'It's cloaked.'
'So at least part of it continues to function. And if part of it does, you cannot be certain the rest of it is not as well.'
'Exactly.'
'So there truly is no way of protecting ourselves from them.'
Tom thought for a moment then called up the file on "plientis root extract." He waited while Tuvok read the information.
'I know all this, Lieutenant.'
Saying nothing, Tom highlighted a section of the text. Specifically, it was the section about the extract's effects on certain alloys. 'That is what the Implant is made of. If it were to come in contact with the extract...'
'It would be destroyed. That is why you had the hypospray of the extract in the simulation? But how were you planning on removing the Implant? Operating on your self to remove it?'
'No. Once implanted, it can't be removed.'
'Then you would have had to introduce the extract into your system.'
Tom went back to the Graves research once more. 'Yes.'
'You would have died.'
'Yes.'
'This was what you had planned to do when you stayed behind?'
'Yes.'
'That is drastic.'
'It was the only way.'
Now that he had begun letting the story out, Tom found himself unable to stop. He knew with every word he was plunging Tuvok deeper into danger along with himself, yet he had born the weight of his secrets for so long. He needed to talk to someone, needed to share some of his burden before it destroyed him. Added to that, he was starting to lose hope of ever saving anyone on Voyager. His best plan had been ruined. He was beginning to think that no matter what precautions he took, they all were going to die.
So over the next twenty minutes he told Tuvok everything. Awakening because of the akoonah. What he could remember of his past as an AlphaOmegan. His uncertainty over his reason for being on Voyager. The Hell of the Forest. His dead's attempted revenge on him. The fact Tuvok was not the only non-indigenous occupant of Tom's head. What he had done to Camet and Meer and of Camet's taunts. The battle to keep AlphaOmegan 41783 in check.
The fight to ignore the urging of his other self to take over every tough situation Voyager found itself in and handle it with his AlphaOmegan training. His fears for the safety of not only himself and Tuvok, but everyone on the ship. The memories of what The Protectors could do to them all. When he had finished, he was drained and slumped in the desk chair.
'I have underestimated you, Mr. Paris. I never suspected you were this strong.'
'Strong?!'
'You have undergone considerable trauma in your life yet you still are able to function. That is astonishing. I am concerned however by your claims that your... dead are here with us. I have seen no evidence of them.'
'They're here somewhere. I don't know why they're being so quiet now. Camet was the same way when I was working on my plan for the Maquis. Whenever I was working on it he was silent. At the time, I thought it was because he knew when it was all over I'd be dead and he'd have my blood like they all wanted.'
'Then we came along with the parole test and revealed your plan.'
'And Camet hasn't given me any peace since. Well, until you came.'
'Mr. Paris, I believe there is no one here except us.'
'But-'
'I believe your sense of guilt over your past actions created the forest of which you speak and the voices you hear in your head. You say Camet refuses to tell you why you were sent to Voyager though he indicates you were indeed sent here. And you say that memories continue to surface and new voices are added to the chorus in your mind. I think Camet will not tell you because he cannot tell you anything that you already do not know. And the new voices are created each time more guilt is added to your already considerable catalogue of sins.'
'But Chakotay saw the forest, too. How could he have seen it if it weren't real?'
'Perhaps it was real on some plane of existence. Real because you created it. I do not fully understand this akoonah, but I am Vulcan. I do know how powerful the mind and the subconscious truly are. I have seen telekinesis, telepathy, and precognition. I have seen the Q conjure items and worlds out of nothingness. I would say either Commander Chakotay had tapped into your mind in some manner or you two actually did visit another plane in which your psyche manifested itself in this forest.'
'So you are saying Camet and the others aren't real? I made them up? Because they were real. They -'
'You may have made up their "voices" in your head, not them. Consider it your conscience talking to you. If I have learned anything about you in our near five years together and from reading your file, it is that your conscience is a highly developed part of you. Whenever you have done something wrong, you have admitted to it and not attempted to deflect the blame onto someone else.'
'Caldik Prime-'
'Yes, however, your conscience demanded you confess, did it not? I think you will find that now that you comprehend what may be happening the voices will be diminished or absent all together once I have left.'
'So if I'm feeling guilty enough to create them, why wouldn't I have sabotaged myself somewhere along the line and let everyone know everything? If I feel I need to suffer so badly, wouldn't everyone knowing me for what I really am be perfect penance?'
'How many times have you risked your life to save this ship? Why did you spend so much of your time working on your plan to free the Maquis? Why were you going to kill yourself in order to sufficiently damage your Implant to protect the others from what it might reveal? Your desire to protect others is even more developed than your conscience. You could not sabotage yourself or your plans without putting the crew at risk. You know you are their only hope when the AlphaOmegans arrive. They will have no idea of how to deal with them. You had to keep your secrets to remain in a position to protect the crew.'
Tom thought for a while. 'So now that you know, what will you do?'
'I will help you to protect this crew.'
'And what I've told you?'
'Will stay between the two of us, Lieutenant. With the exception of the assassination of Camet, Meer, and those at Camet's base, you are not to blame for anything you were ordered to do. Should you be brought up on charges for those murders which *were* your responsibility? Yes, but I do not think it is in the best interest of Voyager to have her best pilot and one of her best officers incarcerated in the Brig or confined to his quarters for the rest of the journey to the Alpha Quadrant.'
Tom was stunned. 'One of her best officers?'
'You have a definite aptitude for certain areas of Command, yes, though you do tend to engage in rather inappropriate behaviour at times both on and off of duty. The Captain in particular is very confident in your abilities. She has said so to me on numerous occasions.' Tuvok chose this moment to broach a subject he felt needed to be discussed. 'In fact, that was one of the reasons for the parole simulation.'
Tom stiffened.
'Lieutenant, the Senior Staff meant no harm with the test. The intention was honourable, even if the execution was faulty. I am aware you have been told this before yet do not believe it. As we have shared memories in the form of dreams over the past few days, perhaps it is possible to share memories while we are awake as well. I can show you precisely what transpired the evening we planned the parole test and you can decide for yourself as to everyone's intentions.'
With trepidation, Tom nodded.
The entire evening was replayed for him from Tuvok's entry into the Captain's quarters to his exit some hours later. He saw and heard everything the Vulcan's well-trained mind had "recorded"... including Tuvok's role in the proceedings.
When it was over, Tom barely could suppress his shock and anger. 'You gave them the idea for it?'
'Yes, Lieutenant. I did. Had I known the true motivations behind your behaviour, I might have been able to discourage their desire to help you through whatever you were experiencing. As I did not know, I took the course I felt was the best for you and in turn for the ship. You were experiencing some sort of psychological trauma. We, as your friends, did what we thought we had to do to assist your recovery from that trauma.'
The anger began to melt away. And not too soon for the Vulcan. The strain of trying to fight off the spill over from Tom's emotions was becoming too much.
'I wish it all had been real,' Tom whispered, to himself more than Tuvok. 'Then this would all be over.'
'Then you would be dead, Lieutenant. Who would keep me constantly wondering what nefarious schemes he was up to?'
Tom smiled slightly. 'Thanks a lot, Tuvok.'
'You are welcome, Mr. Paris.'
"Computer, close AlphaOmegan files."
'Lieutenant?'
'I think there are some people I need to see.'
"More?"
Leaning back into her quarters' plush couch cushions, Kathryn sighed contentedly and handed over her dessert plate to her First Officer. "If I have anymore, you'll have to roll me onto the Bridge."
Grinning, Chakotay gave her a good once over with his eyes then raised an eyebrow. His expression gave her little doubt he liked what he saw however many grams the rich dessert might add to her slender frame.
She playfully slapped his arm as he rose to take their plates over to the replicator for recycling. "You came here from Engineering? How's it going down there? I haven't seen any incident reports from the Doctor so I know Seven and B'Elanna haven't come to blows yet."
He laughed. "According to Joe Carey, there haven't been any 'knock down, drag outs' yet.'"
The Captain shook her head. "Why can't those two get along?"
Chakotay rejoined her on the couch. "Oh, I can't figure it out either. I mean B'Elanna has such a sweet and gentle temperament and Seven has such a solicitous and deferential manner."
"Okay, okay, stupid remark. So how are the design modifications coming?"
"Slow. Quite frankly I don't understand all of the technical explanation for the problems they've encountered with the original design. Something about it not being as easy to build one from scratch as you'd think even though they have the schematics for it. I told them to send you a report."
She nodded. "What about-"
The door chimed.
"Hold that thought. Come in."
The door opened and "Tom" stepped in. "Captain. Commander. My apologies for interrupting at such a late hour."
"It's all right." Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him. "Come in... Tom."
"Tom" was startled for a moment then smiled briefly. "Very good, Captain."
"What can I do for you?"
"I wanted to talk to you." He held up a hand when Chakotay made to rise. "Both of you."
Chakotay subsided.
Eyes everywhere but on the two people in front of him, Tom exhaled heavily. "I don't know where to begin now that I'm here. I..." His eyes finally settled on his superiors. "Tuvok and I talked about the parole test. He showed me his memories of that night here in your quarters, Captain. I know none of you meant to... I know you meant well. I'm sorry I reacted badly."
Chakotay merely nodded his acceptance of the apology.
Kathryn, instead, got to her feet and rounded the coffee table. She hugged the much taller man and after a moment he returned it. "I'm sorry, too, Tom. We never meant to hurt you. You have to know that."
For a brief moment, Tuvok was able to withstand the close contact. Then Tom began seeing flashes from Tuvok and Janeway's past. He began to understand the strong feelings of loyalty and friendship Tuvok felt for his Captain. And he began to feel them overwhelming them. Fearful of another episode like the one they suffered after Naomi's hug, Tom quickly removed himself from the hug of his pseudo-mother.
Seeing the disturbed look on "Tom's" face, she just as quickly stepped back. "Sorry, Tuvok."
"It is all right, Captain," Tuvok responded with an effort to sound normal.
There was a moment's silence then Tom reappeared. "If you two will excuse us?" he asked. "We have a couple of other people I need to apologize to."
"Tom, before you go?" Kathryn stopped him. "I showed B'Elanna some of the parole test recording. I don't know if she has seen all of it though. The letter you gave Chakotay to give to her, no one's read it. She told me to return it to you unread."
"I see. Good night, Captain. Commander."
Chakotay laid a hand on her shoulder as the doors closed behind "Tom." She reached up and laid her own over it.
"Seven, may I speak with you?"
Seven of Nine stepped out of her alcove and nodded her head. "Commander. Lieutenant."
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry about how I reacted in the turbolift, Seven. You wanted to talk about how you felt and I brushed you off. I don't wish you to feel uncomfortable anymore either. I understand now the motivations behind what happened a few weeks ago and the Captain was right. You all did mean well."
"Are you saying you forgive me, Lieutenant?"
"If you will forgive me for my attitude towards you."
"I have noticed humans tend to pout when they feel slighted. You merely were acting in character for your species. There is nothing to forgive."
With the exception of times in Naomi's presence, he had not laughed in weeks. Now he felt laughter bubble up within him. "Seven, remind me sometime to have a long chat with you about the fine art of accepting someone's apology."
"As you wish, Lieutenant."
Tom gave her a smile then departed.
Harry Kim felt an apology on the tip of his tongue when he saw who stood outside of his door. The only thing which kept it in was Chakotay's insistence he not tell Tom about what had happened with B'Elanna and B'Elanna's having told him the same. Harry's honest nature riled at the idea of such deception whether he agreed with the need for protecting Tom's delicate feelings or not.
"May I come in, Harry?"
"Tom?"
"Well, you had a fifty-fifty chance of being right and darned if you aren't."
The ensign grinned and stepped aside.
"Tom" stopped in the middle of the sitting room. "Harry, we have to talk about the parole test." He went on to explain about how Tuvok had shared his memory of it and how Tom now understood things better than he had. He finished with attempting to ask forgiveness for his behaviour.
Harry had other ideas. "That's it?" he demanded angrily. "You say you're sorry, that you understand why what happened happened and I'm supposed to say 'that's okay, Tom' and that's that? Well, that's not going to cut it, Paris."
Tom was taken aback. "You're angry," he said rather stupidly.
"You're damned right I'm angry. You were off playing white knight, yet again, and not giving a single thought to yourself. You were so busy trying to save people who just might not even need saving that you never gave much thought to yourself!"
"Harry-"
"You should have gone with the Maquis where you would have been safe."
"I couldn't."
"Don't give me the line about some people who want you dead. Didn't you ever think they could all have been dead long ago? Or they might not care anymore about whatever you did or didn't do."
"They still are around and they still care, Harry."
"Then all the more reason for you to have gone. What was so important that you had to stay behind?! What did you plan to do, anyway? Meekly go back to prison? Hope Starfleet would take you back? That wouldn't have saved you from these mysterious people."
"Harry, I know you're angry-""Damned right, I'm angry," he repeated. "I'm angry because you seem to have as much sense of self-preservation as that chair does at times. And I'm angry because I am your best friend and I tell you practically everything yet when you need me, when you could have used my help, you pull away and won't confide in me. I could have been there for you. I could have helped you with your plan. I could have-"
"You're angry because I didn't let you help with my plan?"
Harry did not answer. He did not have to.
Tom reached out to smooth back Harry's hair. "I had to leave you out of the loop, Harry, because I couldn't do otherwise to you. You have your whole career ahead of you. I couldn't let you risk it for one of my crazy schemes. I couldn't ruin your life like that."
"I am not a child! I am a Starfleet Ensign who can take care of himself. You don't have to keep protecting me."
The pilot shook his head, only fear of adversely affecting Tuvok keeping the tears at bay. "But I do, Harry," he whispered. "You're my opposite, Harry Kim. You're the good one. I can't make up for all of the mistakes I've made, but maybe I can keep you from making them. That's why I *have* to protect you. Sometimes that mission in life is the only thing that keeps me from giving up."
Tom's admission was the saddest thing Harry ever had heard. He knew instantly it also was the most truthful. He was about to reach out to hug his friend, to try to make some of the hurt go away when Tom stroked the thick black hair one last time then left the quarters without a word.
Unable to keep it in any longer, Harry sank to the carpet and cried for his friend.
Neelix was tired, but happy. He had put in a hard day's work creating feasts fit for the L'Dryl, advising the Captain on a few matters, and solving a few romantic conundrums along the way. All in all, a highly successful day, if he did say so himself. The only thing marring it was the one romantic problem he could not solve - Tom and Lieutenant Torres. No matter how long or how hard he pondered the situation of his friends, he still could not come up with an answer for the sad young woman currently sitting at the table in the half-illumination gloom of the Mess Hall.
From where he stood behind the serving counter, he could see her clearly at her and Tom's table on the highest level of the room. Allegedly, she was studying the padd in her hand though more often than not she was staring out of the windows. The Universe just wasn't fair, he thought. Two people, so happy one minute, so devastated the next.
He picked up a plate of her favourite cookies and a raktijino he had replicated for her and walked up to his only customer. "How about a little snack, Lieutenant?" he asked, setting the cup and plate beside her.
B'Elanna literally jumped, sending the padd skittering to the floor in the process. "Neelix! It's the middle of the Gamma shift. What are you still doing up?"
"Couldn't sleep." He handed her padd as he sent her a pointed look. "Like you, I suspect."
"Yes."
"Ah." He sat down opposite her. "I'll bet I can guess why. A certain pilot perhaps?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Well, when I came up behind you, I noticed the padd you were reading was upside down and you hadn't moved in over five minutes."
She half-smiled.
"It is Tom, isn't it?"
She held up a hand. "Let me save you the trouble of saying it, Neelix. Yes, I do understand why he did what he did. Yes, have realized I need to forgive him for what happened. No, I haven't talked to him. And yes, Tuvok's presence makes talking to Tom extremely awkward."
"I see I am not the first who has talked to you about this," he smiled.
"Try about the fourth."
"Well, I think perhaps Tom's... having a companion might not be the stumbling block you might think it is. I think somewhere, deep down inside, Mr. Vulcan is a true romantic."
"Oh, Neelix, you really need to learn more about Vulcans. They don't have any concept of romance. It's not logical."
With her back to the doors, B'Elanna had not noticed another night owl entering the Mess Hall. Neelix had. He rose and patted her shoulder. "That may be, Lieutenant. Or is it possible that it merely is a different perspective on romance?"
Leaving her puzzling over that enigmatic remark, he left her to her drink and cookies.
He approached the man standing indecisively near the serving counter. "Good evening, Tom, Mr. Vulcan."
"Good evening, Mr. Neelix," Tuvok answered for them. "Mr. Paris' body appears to be hungry. Does anything remain of the casserole from this evening? Several crewmembers commented on it in the turbolift a few moments ago."
"Yes, I believe there is some," he nodded, scurrying behind the counter. "Just give me a moment to... Ah, yes, here's some. Let me warm it up for you." As the plate of leftovers warmed, he leaned close to "Tom" and lowered his voice. "Mr. Vulcan, Tom can hear me, right?"
"That is correct, Mr. Neelix. Mr. Paris is here as I am." Tom appeared. "I had hoped to talk to you actually, Neelix."
Tom's apology was met with an enormous "all's forgiven" grin and an aborted move to hug him. Thankfully, for Tuvok, the Talaxian remembered his discomfort with physical contact before he could make any.
"Tom, um, since you are here? Perhaps you could talk to Lieutenant Torres? She's not doing well."
Tom's eyes jerked from Neelix to B'Elanna then back again. "What do you mean 'not doing well'?"
"Just talk to her?"
The pilot wanted to, he truly did, yet he knew she would not want to talk to him. He had hurt her as badly as she had hurt him and he wanted to iron things out between them. She, however, had not intended to hurt him. Truth be told, he had not wanted to hurt her either though he had not been able to think of an easy way to do it. Even now that she apparently had seen the parole test recording, it would not change the reality of what he had planned to do. After Harry's reaction to his attempted apology, Tom was leery of attempting the most important one of all. "She won't talk to me, Neelix."
"Try, Tom. Please?"
"Neelix, she has made her feelings clear about me."
"Some feelings can come and go. Others go on forever. Have your feelings changed for her?"
Tom was unable to look the earnest Talaxian in the eye.
That was enough of a response for Neelix. He took the now warm plate and set it on a tray on the counter with a roll, cutlery, and a glass of Tom's favourite juice. "I'll see you both later," he promised and left the Mess Hall.
Putting Neelix out of her mind, B'Elanna rotated her head, trying to ease the ache in her shoulders and neck. Prior to relocating to the Mess Hall, she had been bent over her desk in her office in Engineering, studying the schematics for the androids for what felt like days instead of mere hours. Sleep was what she needed right now; everyone had told her so in one way or another. Nothing she said could convince them she was not sleepy. They all simply gave her a look that told her they knew her insomnia was because of Tom being in jeopardy. Finally, she had been forced to leave so they would stop badgering her. Gamma shift, who rarely saw the Chief, were smiling happily when she emerged from her office and headed for the doors to the corridor. They had thought she was going to bed. They had no idea where she actually had gone.
However someone else *did* know she was there.
The strong, long fingered hands that began kneading out the kinks were heaven-sent. She groaned her appreciation as her own hands fell to her sides and her head lolled on her shoulders. 'The best hands on the ship,' she sighed to herself.
'Best hands on the ship? She knew those hands intimately.'
At the same moment the hands abruptly stilled, she tilted her head up to see Tom Paris, eyes closed, face a tortured mask.
"Tom?" she whispered.
He failed to answer for a moment. Once control had been regained, the hands fell, the face cleared, and the posture changed. She immediately knew this was Tuvok before he even opened those so familiar blue eyes and she saw the seriousness in them. None of Tom's twinkling good humour that almost always lingered in their depths. This was Tuvok who was looking at her.
"My apologies, Lieutenant," Tuvok said quietly. "Lieutenant Paris continues to have difficulties controlling his instincts where some things are concerned."
"It's... it's okay."
"We went to Engineering to check on your progress. Your staff said you were at an impasse and had gone to bed. Mr. Paris discounted that possibility."
She smiled a little. "Tom knows I can't sleep when I'm hung up on an Engineering problem."
Tuvok was silent for a moment then Tom re-emerged.
"B'Elanna... B'Elanna, we didn't really go to Engineering to check on your progress. Well, we did, but it was an excuse to see you. I want to talk, B'Elanna." He braced himself for the upcoming explosion. "About the parole test."
She nodded. "I want to talk too," she told him, softly.
A little stunned, he picked up his tray from a nearby table then slipped into the chair Neelix had vacated. 'First Harry of all people blows up at me and now B'Elanna is quietly agreeing with me. The Universe certainly is a funny place,' he told Tuvok.
"I shouldn't have let them do it," she admitted. "I didn't want them to. I told them not to, that you'd be angry with us when it was over, but then I somehow ended up helping them. I'm sorry, Tom."
"Tuvok showed me his memories of that night. I know they were determined to do something, with or without your help."
"We were desperate, Tom. You weren't talking to any of us, not like you used to."
"I know. And I'm sorry for that." He stared down at his hands folded on the tabletop. "I... I had some things I had to work through. I couldn't share them with you or anyone."
She laid a hand over his. "Tom, I love you. Whatever problems you have, you can talk to me."
"Tom" moved his hands out from under hers. He shook his head at the hurt look in her eyes. "I'm not pulling away from you," Tom said in marked contrast to his actions. "Tuvok has trouble with physical contact."
B'Elanna withdrew her own hands from the tabletop. "I heard about what happened with Naomi in here. It must be... difficult for you, Tuvok."
"He finds it a strain, yes. We both do sometimes, but this hasn't been totally a bad experience. Tuvok's... Tuvok's helped me with those things I needed to work through."
"Oh." B'Elanna could not think of anything else to say.
"But the only problem he couldn't help me solve was worrying about whether or not you'd take me back."
Hope tentatively began to rise in B'Elanna. Then her guilty conscience reminded her about what had happened with Harry. Even though she agreed the kiss had meant nothing, she still felt like she should tell Tom. "Tom, I-"
He laid a finger over her lips. "You said you love me. Did you mean that?" She nodded. "Then that's all that matters." His hand slipped from her mouth to caress her cheek. Then he shuddered and quickly withdrew the hand. "Sorry, Tuvok."
'It is all right, Mr. Paris,' the Vulcan whispered tremulously. 'I once heard Commander Chakotay remark to the Captain that he wondered about the strength and nature of your feelings for Lieutenant Torres. If he could be here, he would know.'
Tom grinned, puzzling B'Elanna. "Tuvok wishes Chakotay were here so he'd know how I feel about you and stop worrying I'm going to dump you. Frankly, Tuvok, I don't want Chakotay in my head, thank you very much."
B'Elanna laughed and the two of them settled down for a long talk about everything that had happened in their lives since the last time they had really talked. Tuvok made the occasionally apropos remark, though mostly he let the two lovebirds make up for lost time.
While he had been right after all about a certain person's romantic nature, Neelix never would know it. And that certain person never would admit it either. Getting these two back together was for the good of the ship. Nothing more, nothing less.
"Yeah, right" would have been Mr. Paris' response to that.
"Lieutenant Torres."
"Tuvok. Tom. Did you sleep well?"
"Two hours was less than adequate."
"We did stay up rather late."
"You and Mr. Paris did have a lot to discuss."
There was silence in the turbolift for a few very awkward seconds.
"Mr. Paris wishes he could kiss you 'good morning,'" Tuvok informed her in his usual dead pan voice.
'Tuvok!' came the admonition from the man in question.
B'Elanna blushed and cast her gaze to the floor.
"He also wishes I had not said that however I think that it is best to communicate his feelings in this matter. Perhaps your knowing his desire to do so, will prevent him acting on said desire."
"This is difficult for you two, isn't it?"
"What is, Lieutenant?"
"Trying to blend your two... manners."
"If you mean, do I find it difficult to restrain Mr. Paris' natural effusive nature, then, yes, as a Vulcan I find it difficult."
The turbolift stopped on Deck Eleven and they stepped out.
"That's why you're so interested in this robot body? So you can... move out and not have to deal with... Tom being Tom anymore?"
"Partially, yes. We both find this a difficult experience. Having to share once body with another makes for little privacy."
"You mean it's been Hell for you two."
Just short of the doors to Engineering, "Tom" stopped as did B'Elanna a half-step later.
"Actually," Tuvok said, deliberating, "it has not been 'Hell' as you put it. It has been a revelation of sorts."
"A revelation?"
"Yes. I have found my previous opinion of Mr. Paris to be in error, at least in part. He has held up under this strain considerably better than I would have predicted. And I have learned things about him which have surprised me."
'Tuvok, careful.' was the only thing Tom said.
Tuvok took the hint and changed the subject. "Perhaps we should check your staff's progress?"
B'Elanna let the matter drop and entered her domain. "We're constructing the prototype in here," she said, entering a workroom off of Main Engineering. "Seven. I thought you were in Astrometrics this morning."
The former Borg looked up from the partially constructed "body" to nod at the two of them. "I felt my presence here would be more beneficial. I believe I have discovered the problem with the power cell. It is-"
"The power pack is incompatible with the Borg parts we added to the design."
Seven was surprised and it showed. "I see. And have you discovered a solution as well, Lieutenant?"
"Not yet," she growled at the challenge that may or may not have been in her co-designer's voice.
"What precisely is the nature of these modifications?" Tuvok questioned.
The Chief showed him the modified schematics on the wall while he asked all of the questions he and Tom could think of. B'Elanna had time to calm down and the fight was adverted. And probably of equal importance, in explaining their plans, the two women came up with a potential solution to their problem.
Almost immediately they seemed to forget "Tom's" presence and their animosity. They worked side by side modifying a regulator on the power pack with little comment exchanged.
"I think that has it," the half-Klingon announced.
Joe Carey entered as Seven was moving over to the console on the on the far wall. Anxious to get on with testing the new configuration of the power pack, B'Elanna hurried over deal with whatever had brought her second in to see her so he would leave all the faster.
"Tom" meanwhile wandered over to see their work first hand.
It was then that all Hell chose to break loose once more.
There was a blinding flash of light and a crackle of sparks then the power pack exploded in spectacular fashion. Being closest to it, "Tom" bore the brunt of the blast. It propelled him off of his feet and backwards into the bulkhead. As alarms sounded and smoke was vented from the room, he crumpled to the floor, limp and bleeding profusely from wounds to his head and other areas.
Closest to the body, Joe crawled over to check on the fallen man. "Carey to Transporter Room. Beam Lieutenant Paris directly to Sickbay."
As the pilot's body disappeared, Joe and a pale and dishevelled B'Elanna shared a look. He could see the indecision in the Chief - what was her priority? Her ship or her love? Getting to his feet, Joe made the choice for her.
"Where do we start, Chief?"
B'Elanna raised her chin and began barking orders at her underlings and Seven who was appearing from behind the ruined console/shield.
The Doctor began working on "Tom" the moment his patient appeared on the biobed.
"How bad?" Tom croaked.
"You've had worse, but not by much."
Weakly, Tom raised a hand to deflect the hypospray which would render him unconscious. "Tuvok's body. How is it?"
"What? It's improving. Now stop moving and let me-"
"Enough to survive?"
"I think it might. Now-"
'Mr. Paris, what...?'
'We can't both die, Tuvok. Voyager has plenty of pilots, but only one Security Chief. The Captain needs your abilities more than she needs mine. You have to get back to your body while you still can. How do you get back in?'
'The same way I left, but-'
'Remember our plan, Tuvok. It's the only thing that'll protect all of you.'
'Of course, but-'
"Doctor, we need you to help us."
She sped up her pace. She could feel his life-force ebbing with every passing moment. Now she wished she had not let herself be put off by what she had seen. If she had not deferred her arrival until she knew more about what had happened in the past, she might have been there already, she would have confirmed or eliminated him from consideration. If he died before she arrived, they never would know, never would be able to rest.
Not abandoning the chaos in Engineering to be by Tom's side was one of the hardest things B'Elanna ever had done. While she and her staff scrambled to lock down all of the problems, her mind was torn between her duty and her mate. Her staff did their best to speed up their progress so their Chief could leave yet it still was over seven and a half hours before she literally ran out of Engineering.
Getting to Tom was the only thought in her brain. Get to him. Hold him. Seeing for herself that he was okay. Everyone had done their best to reassure her that the Doctor would do his best to save him. Ninety-nine percent of her agreed he was in good hands and would pull through. It was that pesky one percent that nagged at her all throughout the repairs and laughed at her when she flew through the doors to Sickbay and saw only one occupied biobed - Tuvok's
Frozen in place, she stared at the weak Vulcan being helped to a sitting position by the EMH and the Captain. All three looked up at her abrupt arrival. Kathryn opened her mouth to speak.
For B'Elanna, everything began to happen in slow motion. There was a strangled cry- her own. Her knees started to buckle. She felt herself sliding to the floor.
Then a pair of strong arms caught her before she could hit the carpeting. Gently, she was drawn back upright then her cheek pressed to a damp and furry chest.
"It's okay, B'Elanna," a voice as familiar as her own soothed. "It's okay."
As a hand stroked her hair, she lifted troubled eyes to a pair of concerned blue ones.
"You've already fallen for me, Torres," Tom whispered. "There's no need to do it again."
"Tom?"
"No, Harry. I'm doing my Tom impression. What do you think?"
Pulling away slightly, she reached up with shaking hands to touch his face.
Without lifting his eyes from B'Elanna's, Tom pointed in the opposite direction from them. "Captain, what is that?"
Curious, Kathryn's head jerked from them to the empty space at which Tom indicated. Turning back, she opened her mouth to say "What's what?", though closed it when she saw her two favourite lieutenants in a passionate embrace. She swallowed the lecture on PDA's that Tom clearly had been trying to avoid hearing her give and returned to looking at the emptiness.
"Oh, that? That's the extremely rare Balartin Blatherbeast. Very rare outside of Oxymoron Prime. Such an interesting shade of pink, isn't it? They usually only come in shades of purple."
While she smiled at the muffled giggling behind her, the EMH looked carefully at the emptiness then at the Captain. "I believe once I have finished with Mr. Tuvok, I'd like to examine your eyes, Captain."
"Can I go, Doc?" Tom asked, one arm plastering his mate to Doctor raised an eyebrow and smirked. "If you'd like to be put on report for being out of uniform, Lieutenant, by all means, go."
Blushing, Tom released B'Elanna. "I'll be back in a minute," he promised and hurried into the bathroom where he had been showering to throw on the rest of his newly cleaned uniform.
Kathryn came over to B'Elanna's side. The Chief Engineer's irrepressible smile was contagious. The Captain gave her an impulsive hug. "He's going to be okay, B'Elanna. I gave him tomorrow off and you too."
"Thank you, Captain."
"You're welcome."
"How's Engineering?"
"We've repaired the biggest problems. We're still working on a few very minor ones."
"Well, let your staff take care of them. You take Tom home and get him to go to bed, hmm? He needs sleep."
"Does she get to tuck me in too?" he smirked, re-entering the main area of Sickbay.
The Captain released B'Elanna and looked at him, hands on her hips. "If you're a good boy, I think she might consider it."
"Well, that lets him out," B'Elanna laughed.
"Hey!" the pilot objected. "I'll have you know I can be very good when I want to be."
"Ha!"
Feigning hurt, he turned away and approached Tuvok and the Doctor. The former "roommates" gave each other at long speaking look then nodded once to each other. Tom looked at the EMH and slapped him on the shoulder. "Well, Doc, I'm out of here again."
"Doubtless I'll see you within few days, Lieutenant, either as a patient or student. I'm not going to lay bets on which one."
Tom merely grinned and walked over to B'Elanna.
"Ready to go to your quarters?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"Actually, I have a stop I'd like to make first."
Naomi Wildman almost was asleep when her mother gently shook her awake.
"Honey, wake up. There's someone here to see you."
Blurry eyed, the little girl permitted her mother to unwrap her from her cocoon of covers and help her out of bed. Taking the offered hand, she followed Samantha into the sitting area of their quarters, rubbing her eyes.
Her eyes widened at the sight of Lts. Paris and Torres standing before her. Her mother and godfather had done their best to explain to her what had happened to Tommy, about Mr. Tuvok being inside of him and that was what was making him act funny, but she had not fully understood. It had taken the two adults over an hour to reassure her that her playmate was okay and the Vulcan was not some sort of monster that was going to do the same to her when she was not looking. Even now she still was rather leery of the entire thing.
Tom bent down on one knee and smiled at the child edging her way behind her mother's legs. "I have this little problem," he announced. "I haven't had a proper hug or kiss in almost a week. Know anyone who might be able to solve that problem, Cucumber?"
Warily, she peeked at him. "Not a cucumber."
"No, right now you look more like a blueberry to me. But calling you 'Blueberry' would be just silly."
She shifted slightly away from her mother. "You're silly."
"I'm silly? You're the silly one. Dressing like a cucumber one minute, a blueberry the next. Ha, she calls me silly," he told B'Elanna.
Naomi closely watched the warm smile the two gave each other and all her reservations vanished. This was her Tommy. B'Elanna never would smile at Tuvok that way. She flew at the unsuspecting man, knocking him over onto his back. "Tommy!"
"Ouch, Cucumber, careful. I just got out of Sickbay, sweetie." Despite his words, he wrapped her in a bear-hug.
The two women exchanged smiles and shakes of the head as the pair on the floor went through their routine.
After the last hug was given, Tom got to his feet, Naomi in his arms. "If Mommy and B'Elanna will excuse us for a moment?" At Sam's confirmation, he carried her through to her bedroom and tucked her in. "Naomi," he began, taking a seat beside her on the bed, "I want to talk to you about what happened with you, me, and Tuvok in the Mess Hall a couple days ago."
She looked away and he curled a finger around her chin to draw her eyes back to his. "Neither one of us ever meant to scare you, Naomi. It just... Vulcans don't like to be touched all that much, if at all. You know that, don't you?"
Naomi nodded.
"Well, Tuvok... When you hugged us, Tuvok had a hard time with that. He... We pulled away from you because it was hard for him. He doesn't dislike you or anything like that, Cucumber. It's just there are reasons why Vulcans act the way that they do and sometimes other people have trouble making sense of it. It didn't really have anything to do with you personally."
"He would have done that with anybody?"
"To one extent or another, yes." Tom decided to quit with that. If Tuvok ever wanted to explain to Naomi or anyone about how she reminded him of his own children, it would up to him to do so. Tom was not going to divulge anything he had learned without permission. "Okay, now? Not mad at Tuvok?"
"Not mad at Mr. Tuvok."
"Good." He yawned sleepily. "Now, it's time I go to bed, too."
"Ah, but-"
"No, 'buts,' young lady. You need your sleep and so do I."
"You okay, Tommy?"
"Yeah, Cucumber, I just need a rest." He kissed her cheek. "Now you go to sleep and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Tommy?"
"Yes?"
"Will you sing to me?"
He shot a glance towards the empty doorway. Neither woman had followed them in, thankfully. His little playmate was the only one on Voyager so far who had discovered his hidden talent and he wanted to keep it that way. He knew the moment someone else knew about it there would be pressure from Neelix and the Captain and who knew who else to perform at the next Talent Show. There was no way he was going to make a spectacle of himself like that.
"Okay," he whispered, kneeling beside her bed. "One quick song then I have to go get some sleep. What do you want to hear?"
"The pretty one."
"Okay, but we have to be quiet."
"Okay," she agreed in a yawn. Already the eyelids were falling.
Taking a deep breath, he listened to the music in his head to get the correct pitch then began to sing.
"I'll always love you, forever I pray
In moonlight and starlight, and all through the day
Whether you're close to me or very far away
In my heart you'll always be and forever you will stay."
That was as far as Tom got with the song. Naomi already was fast asleep and he did not feel very far behind her. He leaned over to give her a kiss on the temple then shakily rose, feeling the pain from every single injury he ever had sustained in his trauma filled life coming back to say hello. What was it with him that the Universe felt it constantly had to be throwing things at him - literally? Shaking his aching head, he gave up trying to figure out his bad karma or whatever and went into the other room.
He found both of the women standing where he had left them, making small talk. Smiling tiredly at Sam, Tom wrapped an arm around B'Elanna's shoulders and his mate did the same to his waist. "Thanks for letting me see her, Sam."
"It's okay," Ensign Wildman assured. "She really was worried about you."
"We were worried about her."
Thinking the "we" meant the two people before her, Sam looked at B'Elanna, slightly surprised. She knew B'Elanna was fond of Naomi, but was not anywhere near as attached to her as Tom was.
Tom saw the look and shook his head. "Tuvok and I."
Sam was taken aback.
"We never meant to hurt her, Sam. I tried to explain that to her. I think she understands. If she has anymore questions, I'll try to answer them tomorrow. The Captain's ordered me to take tomorrow off. Can I take Naomi for a while?""I think she'd like that."
"Me, too. 'Night, Sam."
"'Night, Lieutenants."
Megan Delaney was rounding a corner when she stopped. A huge, relieved grin lit up her face. There, walking away from her and towards Tom Paris' quarters, were Voyager's most combative couple. And they had their arms around each other.
As they disappeared into Tom's quarters, she felt like dancing a jig that would have made her Irish ancestor's proud. Tom and B'Elanna were together again. That meant she would not have to continue worrying about what she was going to say to the Helmsman about what her sister and Nozawa had thought they had seen on Dartin VIII. She still thought they were misinterpreting whatever they had seen since the idea of B'Elanna Torres and Harry Kim was so laughable.
With a bounce in her step, she rushed off down the corridor to find her sister and tell her the good news.
Tom felt B'Elanna carefully watching him as they went from the Wildman quarters to his own. Though she did not say a word, he knew she was worried about him. He was too tired to keep his mask in place so she saw all of the exhaustion and pain he felt.
Without making a comment, he pulled her inside of his quarters with him when they reached them. "Stay with me tonight," he begged, drawing her into a hug and laying his forehead against hers. "I'm not suggesting anything more than sleep."
She chuckled softly. "Like you'd be capable of anything more than sleep right now anyway."
He smiled. "Oh, I think I could make the effort."
"Effort, huh?"
A gentle kiss was laid on her lips. "You prefer 'Rise to the occasion'?"
She smiled at the double entendre. "Well..."
"Just sleep, B'Elanna. Just sleep."
Silently, she led him over to his sleeping area and helped the nearly asleep man strip down to his briefs and climb in bed. She paused for a moment then headed over to his storage unit. It took less than a minute to find one of his T-shirts and disappear into the bathroom.
While he waited for her, his mind cast back to a few hours earlier in Sickbay. The Doctor had just finished healing him and had gone over to check on Tuvok.
"How is he, Doc?" Tom whispered.
"He appears to be holding his own," the EMH marvelled. "I should have reintegrated him before this. Clearly this was what the body needed to fully heal."
He reached out and flicked off the life support. The readings fluctuated briefly then stablized.
The Captain rushed into Sickbay. "Doctor?"
"Perhaps Engineering should move the Bridge closer to Sickbay, Captain. Your running in here is getting to be a habit."
"How are they?"
"Mr. Paris will live. Once I began treating him, his injuries turned out to be less severe than I first suspected. I'll let him out in a few hours."
There was a moan from Tuvok then the eyelids flickered.
She leaned close to the slowly waking Vulcan. "Tuvok?"
"Captain?" he hoarsely whispered. "What happened?"
"There was an explosion in Engineering. The robot prototype overloaded."
"Robot prototype?"
"Your new body."
"My new body? Why would I need a new body?"
The Captain and CMO exchanged swift glances and the EMH reached for a tricorder to scan his patient.
"Tuvok, you don't remember the accident? Sharing Tom's body?"
"Mr. Paris?"
"I was worried about something like this happening," the Doctor clucked. "The experience seems to have left him with memory loss. In light of everything that has happened, some side effects are to be expected."
"You're saying he won't remember any of the past week?"
"Apparently, though his brain is in such upheaval after the fall and his katra being inside Mr. Paris for so long, that I can't document the amount of memory loss with my scans."
"Tuvok, you okay?" came the quiet call from the other patient in Sickbay.
The Vulcan responded affirmatively in his native tongue with a "As always, Mr. Paris."
Having heard the answer he was hoping for, Tom had smiled and fallen back to sleep.
'Now, here in his quarters,' he smiled again to himself. 'Everything was going to be all right,' he thought. They were going to be safe. He had hope for the first time in months.
He looked up as B'Elanna reappeared, carrying her clothing and wearing only his T-shirt.
'And he had his B'Elanna back,' he smiled.
She set the clothes on a chair and slid in next to him. His arms automatically opened and she settled her cheek against his chest.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I love you, too," was the exhausted reply.
Smiling happily to herself, she closed her eyes. 'Things were back the way they were meant to be,' she thought, 'and nothing ever was going to pull them apart again.'
It was a nice thought. Wishful thinking, but a nice thought all the same.
