Nineteen
As predicted by Blue, Emma did have a fever that day. Seemed like her little dip in the sea turned out a lot worse than she thought. She'd slept til the next morning once they arrive back to her apartment, only waking up to take medicine and eat. More than being sick, she was concerned about Killian not contacting her.
Emma had acted as if she were rejecting him, but that wasn't her intentions. She was just scared. She'd thought about it all night when she wasn't sleeping. When morning came, she was well rested and totally awake. Ruby had slept in Emma's room, back to usual, but she was waiting for Blue. When she heard a knock on the door, Emma was almost on the edge of the bed.
"Morning, honey! How are you feeling?"
"Much better! I think I'm healed. Blue, what about Killian?"
"Easy girl, I don't think you're totally fine yet. Let me check your temperature first. Did you forget about your slow healing?"
Was Blue eluding Emma's questions? She sat by her on the bed and lifted a hand to Emma's forehead, but she avoided her.
"Blue!"
"Looks like you're fine... And yes, he called me last night. He wanted to know how you were. I said you were resting, and that's it. I have to give him an update this morning."
"Is he angry?"
"Angry? Of course not, Emma! He's just worried. Now, are you going to tell me what happened yesterday? Without the unnecessary details, please."
She had her big sister tone on, but it was unnecessary. Emma needed to talk to someone about it, and Blue was the only person she could confide in. Plus, she was a woman, and older than Emma, too. She didn't know how much Blue would understand her, but Emma couldn't keep it bottled up any longer. She let out a sigh, nervously twisting a strand of hair around her finger as she spoke.
"Yesterday, Killian comforted me. We started kissing and... We got a bit passionate. I liked it, but when Killian started touching me, I... I couldn't... I got really scared. I felt like I couldn't stand him touching me like that."
Blue listened to her with a frown, looking deeply intrigued. After a while, she hesitated for a few seconds before asked Emma a question of her own.
"Emma, have you ever been... Intimate with someone?"
Emma bit her lip. The only people who knew were Killian and Peter, and it didn't seem like he'd anyone, not even his brothers. How could she explain it? She'd barely avoided Neal being killed yesterday, and now this?
"Not willingly. But I... This guy, Henry Jekyll, he... He tried touching me several times back when I was still in the Red Moon clan. Just before Neal trying to... To kill me, Jekyll almost..."
"...Raped you." She whispered, finishing Emma's sentence for her. She nodded to answer.
"Killian knows, He felt it through our bond that someone had tried to force me, and I told him about that guy. But now, sometimes, whenever Killian touches me, I... I can't help but remember it. I don't want to feel like this when I'm with Killian!"
"It's okay, Emma! I think you're experiencing a form of PTSD. It's not your fault, honey."
PTSD? Wasn't that when people were traumatised? It could be... But how could she get rid of it? She didn't want to feel like running away every time Killian touched her! She hated it!
Emma got up from her bed, and headed to her wardrobe, trying to find something to wear,
"What are you doing, Emma? Come back to your bed!"
"No. I'm done resting. Let's go to the gym."
"Punching bags won't solve this. What you need is some time, Emma, and talking to the Boss."
Emma turned to face Blue, visible annoyed.
"What do I tell him, Blue? Sorry, some douchebag touched me before you, and now you can't touch me because I'm traumatised? I hate this!"
Blue rolled her eyes at her. Emma know she was stubborn, but she didn't see anything better to do! She needed to blow off some steam, but Blue stood and took the workout clothes from Emma's hands with a resolute look. She throw them on the floor and crossed her arms.
"Enough, Emma. I wasn't talking about you speaking to him about your... Issue. More like getting to know him, and letting him know you better. The two of you may be close because of your bond, but you barely know each other! I say you need to talk to the Boss, get to know him for real. Maybe this way you'll learn to trust him, and that will help you overcome your fear."
She had a point... The attraction Emma felt for Killian from the start was probably their bonds doing. All she knew about him was what others had told her. She didn't know his hobbies, his tastes, his habits, nothing. How could she even describe their relationship if she knew nothing about him. Killian knew a little about Emma, but when did they ever really interact? He was always busy with work and only called her from time to time to inquire how she was.
It wasn't enough. She wanted him, but she wanted all of him. Blue was probably right. If Emma got to know Killian better, she'd probably be able to overcome her fear... Wouldn't she?
"Ruby says you should have him to take you on a date. It's your birthday tomorrow, ask him to take you out!"
Gosh, she almost forgot about her birthday! Did she really want to celebrate it? Before she'd learned about what Neal had told her, she didn't really pay attention to her birthday, but now it seemed a bit unreal. Was it even her real birth date? Her father probably knew...
Emma hesitated a bit, biting her lip. It might've been an idea. She glances to Ruby, who was lay at the end of Emma's bed. Sometimes she wished Ruby would turn back to her human form so they could talk.
"You really think so?"
The brown wolf nodded. Emma turned to Blue with a sigh.
"Okay... Can I borrow your phone?"
It only took a few moments for Killian to answer her call.
"How is she?"
"It's Emma."
"Emma. How are you?"
Thank Moon Goddess, he didn't sound angry. Was he really not fazed by what happened yesterday? It made her feel totally awkward even speaking to him.
"I'm fine. I feel much better today. Killian, I... I'm sorry about yesterday."
She heard him let out a soft sigh on the other end of the call.
"It's okay. I figured out what happened afterward. It's not the first time. I'm the one who should apologise, I got carried away."
"No! No, Killian, it's... It's just me."
It's my fault because I'm damaged. I'm scared, way to scared. And I still don't know how to overcome it, even for you. She wanted to say. But she couldn't. Emma ran her fingers through her hair, fidgeting.
"I just need a bit of time. I'm just... Shy."
Shy, really? That was the understatement of the year. She was literally terrified by just the thought of any man touching her, yet that's all she could tell him? How pathetic, Emma. She needed to be stronger. Hadn't she promised herself that she'd leave her past behind? How could she if she was letting herself be restrained by such things? She needed to work on that.
She needed to tell him the truth.
"Emma?"
"I'm still scared, Killian." She rushed the words out almost like if she didn't then she'd of never told him the truth. "I still think about what happened whenever someone touches me. I swear I don't want to, but it just... I don't know how to handle it."
A long silence followed. What was Killian thinking? Did he regret having such a complicated mate? Or will he send out a team to search for Jekyll once again? Neal had only implied that Jekyll died, it did not guarantee it, leaving him as an unsolved issue. When was she going to learn the truth? She knew she had stabbed him, but what happened after that? If he had died, where was his body? Emma still felt so uneasy about the topic, and it was hindering her relationship with Killian.
"I told you, it's okay."
"But what if... It takes a long time for me to get better? I'm scared."
"Scared of what?"
Scared you might not want me anymore at some point.
It was already a miracle for him to be even interested in her! She wasn't pretty, or a powerful wolf. Compared to Killian, to his brothers, she was utterly insignificant. Yet there she was, making him wait for her. She hated it, she wished things were different.
"Emma, don't cry."
She wondered how he knew. She was tearing up a little bit. If only all those nightmares of her parents, of Neal, the Red Moon clan, Jekyll, all of it, never happened... It would be so much easier. She could have lived a completely different life, where she might've actually been deserving of Killian's affection. Emma wiped away her tears.
"I'm okay. Killian... Can we see each other?"
"I can come tonight? After work."
"No, I meant... Like a... An actual date."
She knew her whole face was bright red. She wished she could hide somewhere. Emma took a few steps away from Blue and Ruby, but she could definitely still feel their eyes on her.
"...You want me to take you on a date?"
"If you're busy, it's okay. I just... It was just an idea, I..."
"Okay. Where do you want to go?"
Moon Goddess, he agreed! She felt like jumping around the room, but she had to control herself. She was still blushing, though. Where did she want to go? She had no idea, she'd never been on a real date!
"I... I don't know."
"You want us to celebrate your birthday together? I can take a day off. What do you usually do then?"
For her birthday? Nothing unusual. Back at the Red Moon clan, nobody had ever celebrated her birthday, or even remembered which day it was. She would do her chores, as usual, and the 15th of December would pass like any other day would. It was a bit different when she was younger, though. Emma's parents always celebrated her birthday with a cake and a nice dinner. But she couldn't just ask for cake from Killian... Could she?
"Emma, tell me."
"An opera cake."
"What?"
"I... I wanted to eat an opera cake..." She whispered, blushing red once again. She heard him chuckling on the end of the line, making her feel even more embarrassed.
"Okay, my love, an opera cake. What else?"
Oh my Goddess, did he just call her...? Emma couldn't possibly turn a redder shade than she already was. Her cheeks felt like they were on fire! She knew Blue and Ruby were still watching her, too, she probably looked completely crazy. She was sure Ruby could hear everything Killian was saying to Emma, too. She needed to answer Killian, waiting on the other end of the line.
"I... I don't know. Anything's fine..." She mumbled.
"Okay. Let me know if you think of anything else. I have to go though, I have a meeting."
"I'm sorry, are you going to be late for it?"
"Alec's glaring at me, and about twenty executives are staring, too, so I suppose I already am."
Oh, Moon Goddess... Emma stuttered a "bye" before hanging up as quickly as she could. That was so embarrassing. His staff had heard her requesting a date! And a stupid opera cake, too! How could she be so shameless? She'd never, never, never ask for anything over the phone ever again, that was way to dangerous! Emma turned to see Blue laughing.
"It's not funny!"
"Oh, hell yeah, it is! Moon Goddess, you are so cute, Emma."
"I'm not cute, I'm embarrassed to death!"
"It's okay, Emma. You got yourself a date for tomorrow, girl! And for the whole day too!"
"So did you hear everything?"
"Of course I did. Now we need to decide on what you're going to wear tomorrow. Let's go shopping!"
What? Shopping? Emma's wardrobe was already full! She argued with Blue for what felt like forever before she finally caved and agreed to not buy anything new. Instead, Blue insisted on helping her find the perfect outfit for her date before demanding Emma rests for the rest of the day. But Emma was still worried, she didn't have a clue what they were going to do tomorrow.
Emma finally found a moment when Blue was too focused on dress detail to watch her slipping out of her bedroom. Ruby noticed and followed discreetly, too. Emma shifted to the main room, lying down on the couch and Ruby came to sit next to her.
Emma was happy to be going on a date with Killian for her birthday, but she couldn't stop thinking about Neal. Did Graham take him to have his mental health examined, as he'd said? She hoped he wasn't lying about that. Thinking about Graham made her remember something. She was about to get up, when Blue entered the room carrying three different pairs of earrings in her hands.
"Which one do you like most?"
"I don't know, the silver ones? Anyway, Blue, who is Graham's Beta?"
"Graham's... It's Isaac Stone. He is this fathers Betas son. Why do you ask?"
Emma thought the creamy white wolf may have been Graham's Beta, but it turns out she was wrong.
"I was just curious... Do you remember when you guys came to get me from the Red Moon clan?"
"Excuse me, you mean when we saved you from being killed by that good-for-nothing after you and Peter sneaked out? Yes, I do remember."
When was she ever going to forgive Emma for that? She ignored Blue's remark and kept talking.
"There was a white wolf with Graham that day, and she with us afterward. I was just wondering if she was his Beta."
Blue seemed a bit surprised, and exchanged a look with Ruby, frowning.
"I'm not really suppose to talk about that, Emma..."
"Why? Is it something you can't tell me?" Emma asked, intrigued.
"It's not about you. She's... Part of Graham's private life. I think they just happened to be together that day, and that's why she came along."
Oh. She got the hint. It sure explained the she-wolfs smell all over Graham's car. Wait, she thought Graham didn't have a mate? From Blue's embarrassed look and her words, Emma suspected they might not be an 'official' relationship. So why would the mystery white wolf be interested in her?
"So, she's not part of the clan?"
"No, neither Eclipse or Black Moons. She's from a different pack, I don't know which. Ruby neither. I don't even know her name, and I've only seen that girl a couple of times."
Great, so the only person who actually knew her name was Graham, to whom she didn't want Emma speaking to...
