Hey, I made y'all a thing. Hope you enjoy. This bit is a standalone. Thank you so much for reading and leaving reviews, they really mean the world to me.


"Ham?" His voice cut through my thoughts.

"Yes?" I finished the line over the letter that I was working on.

"Did you hear me?" He leaned over the desk.

"No, my apologies."

"I suggested that we bed down for the night. We move again at dawn. Rest would benefit us."

I looked at him in the dying candle; he was fair, his hair tied back save for an errant curl, still in full dress, the hint of a grin on his full lips, the colour of swollen, ripe berries.

"I suppose that is wise." I conceded.

We moved through the house that his excellency's military family was lodging in to the quarters provided to us. Each of the aides were paired in rooms, Laurens and I were again partnered. Our friendship and matching work ethics making us a good pair, even though proximity had been to blame for my taking notice of his finer features.

I packed my things away to prepare for the ride at daybreak and dressed down to my stockings and hunting shirt, neatly draping my other clothing for the morning while Laurens did the same. I became aware of the cold that had crept into the countryside over the last few days, knowing that we were in for a hard winter. I was distracted at the sight of the arch of his back while he bent to pull off his breeches and licked my lips before shaking my head of the thoughts. The thoughts which had become so intrusive over the last few weeks. The thoughts that were far too impure for someone of my rank to possess.

The war was bloodthirsty and companionship was vital to morale. The camaraderie of war is intimacy in and of itself, but a type of intimacy that one should not confuse for another. Intimacy, or the mockery of intimacy, that was so prevalent back home in my now waterlogged little island. That island was a refuge for miscreants and a safe haven for sinners, bearing witness to indecency could hardly make me blush, but what about fantasizing the imitation of such indecency? Certainly that was a new sin of its own.

"Ham, dearest, you seem far away tonight. What weighs on your brow?" Laurens was already in his bed roll on our cramped, shared cot, he beckoned me with his light eyes, flecks of gold glittering in the candlelight.

I swallowed hard to answer him, "I… I'm unsure precisely what plagues me."

"Come to bed. Ease your mind." He looked at the space beside him.

I slid into my bedroll next to him and sighed at the softness of the grass bound in the cot underneath us, feeling the tightness in my back carried from long days bent over a writing desk and an equal amount of days on horseback loosen.

"Good night, dear boy." I acknowledged him and did my best to ignore the inviting heat of his body beside me.

"Hmm," he sighed, fatigue in his voice, "good night, Ham."

I rolled away from him and drew the blanket tighter over me, refusing to accept the shivers in my bones. He was behind me, rolled to his side, echoing my position. He pressed his body against me, warm enough I thought that I might burn.

I breathed out a laugh, "I hardly think that it is so cold so soon, Jackie."

"I'm hardly concerned by the cold."

His breath was hot in my ear, I shivered.

"Perhaps it is you who should be concerned by the cold." His soft laughter was the chime of a delicate silver bell.

"If that is not the cause, then what is?" I asked.

"Desire."

"You speak foolishness to me, my friend."

"Why do you suggest this?"

"Desire?"

His arm draped over my waist and my breath caught. I liked being so close to him. I liked feeling the warmth of him against me, the beat of his heart vibrating my spine like a catgut. I kept myself rigid, not wanting to accept his touch.

"Certainly. You desire me as well, Ham. I see the way you steal glances, the way that you turn in toward me when you sleep. I desire nothing more than to know you in the way that the ladies you sneak around behind his excellency's back know you."

In the darkness I felt heat and colour crawl across my cheeks.

"And what if I do steal glances? Are they stolen if offered for free?"

He giggled into my back, "perhaps they are not free, they are purchased on the systems of credit that you so admire from the tomes that you ignore me for."

His lips hovered over my shoulder while he spoke, I worked hard to keep my voice even, "and this credit you speak of. How is it earned?"

"In… bliss and adulation."

"Adulation I can concede to, but bliss, my dearest, is that not better saved for our lady suitors? I am sure you take many… as do I… but certainly someone with endowments comparable to my own has no issue finding a fair girl?"

"No issues, but scant desire to match," he chuckled softly, "you would wish to make yourself familiar with the similarity of our endowments?"

"Scant desire? How is that?" I chose to ignore the rest of his speech.

"They are too delicate, men are not fragile, yet their beauty is limitless, hard in the spots where women are soft, harder even still in others. Women are fair, but I contend that I have seen men even fairer. I'll reiterate... I see how you look at me, Alexander."

I had battled thoughts not unlike his since boyhood, seeing so much debauchery on my island made it seem less like a sin, less like a crime. I enjoyed keeping the company of women, though. Perhaps the sinful fantasies that aroused my intrigue were less unique to my island than I had presumed.

His hand crept over my chest while I pondered this and stroked the bud of my nipple. I gasped first in shock, then in horror, then in intrigue. Denying the flicker that it drew in my belly, I shoved his hand away.

"What, that you would bed me as a woman to supplicate the absence of your natural desires?"

He coiled his fingers around my own and ignored the harshness of my words toward him, "my summation is that you are only incensed by the shame in your own pleasure."

I thought about it, "and…"

"Let me incense you in a refreshing manner."

"But, John," I stopped him.

"Alexander, give in. You're the closest friend I've got, but, Alex, you're so much more, too. You're beautiful and intelligent beyond compare, your talents in the artillery will go down in history. I admire you, I love you, dear boy, as would any wise man… wise woman. Think not of the future now, think only of this moment."

"You shower me with praise and stroke my ego." I rolled to face him.

His face in the moonlight was bewitching, it split in two with a grin, "I'll keep more than your ego stroked."

"I doubt this not one bit." I smiled and let him wrap his arms around me the way that I had done with pretty girls and kiss me.

His kiss was soft and gentle, but so unique from any before it, and I was certain, any after it. His hands ran over my body and again back to my nipples, this time his hand reached under the hem of my shirt, over my bare hip. He rolled and pinched them until they grew hard between his fingers. I couldn't stop the pants that spilled from my heaving chest below his hand.

"This is…" I shook my head.

"An erogenous area of the human body." He answered me and then quieted me from words I hadn't had a chance to speak with his kiss.

I opened my mouth to him, desperation filling me, swelling me. He licked into my waiting mouth and I immeshed my tongue with his. His fingers still maintained their efforts and left me at attention and writhing.

"Jack, dear boy, what are you doing to me?"

"Pleasuring you, my love. No longer concerned with demonstrating the restraint I've had to during the whole of our assignment."

"The duration?" I looked up at him, still aware of my face twisting with pleasure.

"Every moment." He agreed and kissed me once more, his fingers trailed down from my chest to my hip and finally to my manhood.

"What does our dear Marquis know of this?" I hissed in a whisper as his finger wrapped around the shaft.

"It is when I'm touching you that you wonder about this?" He smirked.

"I don't mean… I simply, is he privy to your… deviance?"

"Deviance? I favour the word preference. You'll be better served if you delay thoughts of our Marquis and of fire and brimstone."

"Does anyone know?" my eyes rolled up in their sockets as I panted out the words.

"Only you and I." He assured me gently, his words echoed in his hot breath ghosting at my throat.

"Laurens," I mumbled into his mouth, my legs tightening at his touch as he stroked me.

"Alexander, the beauty of the reality of this moment far surpasses any of my imaginings." He kissed my neck.

"I've wanted you." I confirmed.

"I know."

"You're cocky."

"I know." He ground his body against me, letting me feel his own arousal.

I gasped at the feeling of his member and he pulled at my hunting shirt, I quickly shucked it and his hand left me only long enough to remove his own.

He changed pace and I wondered if he was touching me as he touched himself… or other men. Light and colour filled my mind, so vibrant that I feared that they would spring from my eyes should I find the will to lift my lids. There was only the slick sound of him stroking me filling the room, soon coupled with my gasps of pleasure.

"John," I whispered and dropped my head to his shoulder.

"It's alright, dearest." He soothed, not breaking stride.

I spurted into his hand, my eyes shut tighty. It took everything within me not to cry for him.

"Perhaps I should follow you into artillery since it appears I know my way around ranged weapons." He lapped at the mess on my chest with his tongue and put my hand to his own stiffness.

I touched him as if it were my own, correction in my belief that they were of similar stature. John wrapped his arms around me again and whispered endearments into my ear, nipping intermittently at the soft flesh there.

"Alexander, your touch is even better than my hopes."

"It is my sole drive in this moment to make you feel as you've made me."

He hitched a leg over my own and sighed heavily as I stroked him faster.

"Alex," he gripped my shoulder hard.

"Yes, John, yes." I crooned to him, realizing just how badly and for how long I'd wanted to do this.

"Oh, Alexander, please, for God's sakes." He stared into my eyes, a deeper connection than I'd had with any woman.

He spent himself in my hand and sighed.

"Better than I imagined. Quicker, too." He kissed my cheek.

"Only you and I should be aware of what has transpired tonight." I bit down on my lip, shame burning my cheeks.

"And what will happen tomorrow." He smirked.

"Jack, we won't have privacy."

"Then it would serve us to be quiet."

"Do you… is it really your intent for this to continue?"

"I fear that my affections for you will only extinguish in death."

I rested my hand against his abdomen, "and perhaps not even then."

"Perhaps not even then."

"You are aware that we must be discreet, yes?"

"I am. You are aware that I believe in throwing caution to the wind?" He snickered.

"I am."

"You are not one to practice caution either. It is not me that we have mourned only to arrive in the midst of lamentation as if Christ himself, resurrected, had appeared soggy in our doorway. Just let this be enjoyable, Ham. My boy we are all busy dying, starving, scratching with pests, a little drink and a little sex is what this life provides to keep us true to course for this land and our freedom."

"I'm not scratching with pests. I keep my hair powdered and myself clean." I said proudly.

"Well, yes… as do I… but our military as a whole. The least we could do is imbibe in the pleasures provided for us."

"Then silence yourself and let me enjoy you. Is it not so that prattling on is my domain?"

He smirked and tucked me against his breast, I nuzzled my face into the space where his shoulder met his chest and smelled the blend of caustic soap and his musk and felt myself settle.

"Good night, dearest."

"Our Marquis will know." I decided after a quiet moment.

"See, now you have reclaimed your title as the prattler. Rest easily knowing that you shall not be dethroned by me. How will he know? You will tell him?"

"He simply will. He'll infer it. I've watched you lie in alehouses over cards, you keep nothing concealed long, the flush of your cheeks, the twitch of your mouth betrays you."

"It's the ale that flushes me. You taking note of this is proof of your affections for me."

"As if me lying in your arms was not proof enough. Back to the matter at hand."

"If he knows, let him know. The French are notorious for… being all manner of folk. He will understand."

"He will detest us."

"And what is to detest?"

I sighed, combatting my desire to kiss John while he held me and the feelings of wretchedness at my desires.

"Our relations."

"Let me pull your mind from such matters."

"How do you intend to-" he left my side and was between my legs at once, taking my length between his lips. His lips that liked to smirk, that were full and as soft as I'd imagined.

As he hollowed his cheeks with suction I keened and gripped handfuls of his curls. Ladies never quite knew how to behave in this act, but John was skilled, no doubt emulating the actions that brought him the most satisfaction. I ran my toes over his thigh, enjoying the closeness.

"John." I whispered, feeling my legs tremble as though I'd been over a saddle for the day and with it many miles.

He continued but looked up at me through his thick lashes. I pulled tighter at his hair and released the breath I didn't know was being held and released with that breath, myself entirely. John slunk back up the creaking cot and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand.

"You taste like berries."

"Berries? I can't imagine that there is merit in that statement."

"It's true, plump, bittersweet blackberries on a vine."

I thought once more of his lips and watched as he licked me from them. Berries.

"I generally bear more stamina."

"But I reduce you." He smiled.

"You do."

"Good night, Jack."

"Good night, dear boy. It pleases me that our affections are known."

"As you please me?"

"So, too, do I find pleasure." He kissed the tip of my nose and allowed his eyes to flutter peacefully shut.