The next three days passed in a blur. No change in my now routine.

I was leaning towards getting her alone in an elevator, making her see me. Maybe then she would notice. Or maybe I could walk into her office, demand her attention for Kingsman Vodka project...

I was wondering all other options of getting her. Each day became fucking hard as I spend one more minute without her. Every day seemed a lifetime. She had affected me that bad. She had captivated me this strong. I had spent my evenings just looking at her photos on my phone, on the wall...

She was my whole world, my soul, my other half without which I was never complete. I could never be.

In the busy life of New York, she was my safe place, my peace, my fucking sanity! She had become the reason I worked ever since she stepped in my life. Her absence created a never ending havoc in my life—one over which I had no control. I needed her to the extent that I was going insane without her.

But I managed control over few things. Her security was my foremost concern now. Sure, Nathan was dead, but there were many lose ends still lingering.

Corinne and my mother were a few of them, both of them not wanting me to be with Eva. Media people were another concern. They wanted a small glimpse in our personal lives, wanting to know whom I was dating—Eva or Corinne. And my past was another—my past as a child and as an adult, both were filled with pain and embarrassment. Eva wanted to know about my past, but what will she do if I told her everything—that there was a small part of me that enjoyed it even when I hated every part of it. And my now secret was surely a deal breaker. She wouldn't want to be with a murderer. She would hate me—she was a cop's daughter for fuck's sake!

No longer one thing was over than many things hit us together. When will it end? When will we be together again?

I got a call from the security at seven. "Mr. Shanton is here. He is going to a dinner with Eva and Cary."

"Thank you." I murmured.

I longed to go with Eva, look at her from a distance and not through the monitor, but the risk of being seen publicly was too risky. I sighed, continuing with my plan of going with my friends to a club, drinking...

·

·

·

Sunday morning passed in a blur.

I got in my kitchen of the penthouse, where I had spent the night, and caffeinated myself. Maybe I will stop at her house, tell her I am sorry...It has been about ten days since the murder and no evidence has been found. The detectives were obviously tired of finding no loose-ends.

I opened the envelope which was sitting at the coffee table. I had received it from the reception, dropped by Benjamin Clancy. Maybe Shanton had something to show me, or Monica had asked him to drop something. I wanted to open it when I wasn't drunk.

I opened the heavy envelope. The first thing to fall off it was the keys of penthouse I had given to her. The next thing to come was the ring I had given her: a promise ring. With shaky hands I picked it up. She wanted to remove every trace of me from her life. I hugged the ring to my chest, protecting it within my hand.

How could she end the promised? How could she give me back the thing which was hers!

I recalled the moment she had wore it. She had cried then, too overwhelmed to say anything. And now too she was too overwhelmed. There was no letter or note in it. No words.

Hadn't I told her to wait for me? To trust me?

Here I was, thinking about proposing her, marrying her as soon as soon as possible, and she is sending me her ring back!

My phone rang, the screen displaying it was my mother.

"How could you do that, Gideon?" She started no sooner I picked it up.

"What happen, mother?" I asked, concerned.

"Eva cornered me last night at a club," she spat, "and blamed me for not believing you, for not being there for you when you were abused. How could you tell her that Gideon, when I did every single thing I was expected to do?"

"Eva told you this?"

She was cornering my mother, fighting for me...

"You explain your girlfriend that she isn't allowed to talk to me like that. How can she blame me for everything when you were the one telling lies about your own abuse. I had you checked, I had you consulted. What else was I supposed to do?"

I didn't say anything—not when she said I was lying about what happened to me. The fact that she still refused to believe me could be attended later. I ended the call, thinking about it. Eva had no idea what had happened to me but she was still fighting for me.

I had always excused myself that I did something wrong because nobody believed me, but here she was, fighting the battles I had long ago left. She still cared for me, still loved me.

I looked at the ring which belonged to her.

One way or other, the ring was going to its owner. And it won't be alone. I would ask Eva to marry me as soon as possible.

·

·

·

The best part about love is that it makes you feel special—just like Eva made me feel everytime she looked at me, the way she saw me like no one ever has, every fucking time!—but the worst part of love is: it makes you feel empty the moment you are not with the one you want to be with, no matter if they are near you or not.

Eva was moving on. She had already started.

Brett Kline's words, which he'd said over an interview in Florida yesterday, rang in my ears. Of course, there's an Eva. She is the one who inspired me this song. And then he said, We aren't together—we were but then something went wrong—but now I am trying to get her back. And I will. The golden song will find it's happy ending. He'd concluded.

Oh, I'll see how. I thought as I found Eva through the tinted glass of my car. I will get her back, and only I. She is mine!

Eva had gone with a makeover—her long, dark blond hair now cut in shoulder length, highlighted with platinum tips which framed her face in a manner I couldn't part my eyes from. Dressed in a crimson button-down shirt with black jeans, she looked absolutely smoking hot with her short hair and the definite sway to her hips that had always enchanted me. She looked ravishing.

Her petite and voluptuous figure was enticing in red, her hair danced around her face. And she thought she wasn't my type!

I had seen her today through the monitor, being enamoured by her new look, but when I saw her through the car walking with her friends, I couldn't think of something else. I waited patiently in the car, waiting for her to come.

She did, near to one, with her friends talking about nothing in particular. They went in the elevator and I quickly followed them. The doors reopened to allow me in, and Eva's eyes turned away from me.

The familiar, tangible energy, that had hit me since I had laid my eyes on her outside Crossfire a few weeks ago, hit me hard like a slap on my heart. I was very much aware of her. Aware of how her breathing changed, how her voice became small and hoarse, how her body felt against mine, how she owned my fucking existence. I was hard for her, my fingers moving restlessly to touch her, my eyes raking her appearance in. With her this close, I could see how the smoky makeup over her eyes with her pink lips made her appear extremely fuckable.

I noticed she was trying very hard to ignore me.

There were a few other people in the elevator, all of them unaware of the tension we felt. From the opposite corners we stood, I could feel the rawness of my need for her.

The car stopped at many levels, the number of people dwindling. The people who wanted to enter didn't come in when they noticed my shake of head. On the twentieth floor, her friends left, with her following them but I stopped her by saying "Wait."

She stopped, remaining where she was. Her friends looked back, then at me. The boy frowned but was tugged out by the girl, the doors closing after them.

She didn't look at me, just stood by the other corner, far away from me, her eyes still refusing to look into mine.

Suspending the car at its stop by plugging a key, I moved beside her. Wanting, needing, to feel her.

"Turn around, Eva."

We both were two damaged souls, who knew how to talk not only with actions but also physically. When we were with each other, every word, every feeling, was better expressed with a touch, and I had so many things to tell her now for which I couldn't find appropriate words. So I let my body speak to her, telling her how much I needed her, every fucking minute!

Pressed to the elevator wall, out bodies moulding together, our breathing harsh, linking her fingers with mine over her shoulders, I pressed my face in her hair, breathing her in, surrounding myself by her unique smell. "You're so beautiful, it hurts to look at you."

She pressed her face on the wall, feeling all of me—my aroused dick pressed against her ass, my fingers digging in her skin, my body touching hers from head to toe. "Gideon? What are you doing?"

She was asking me that?

I pressed myself into her, wanting her to feel my need for her. She answered me by her own grind. I flexed my fingers, not wanting to do something now when she was so mad that she wasn't even looking at me. It was all I could do for not wanting to take her in the car itself. I needed her so much!

She finally turned her head aside, allowing me to see half of her face. Before I could touch her cheek with my fingertips, her beautiful face turned into a big scowl. "Why?" She whispered, her voice sharp with bite. "What do you want from me? An orgasm? You want to fuck me, Gideon? Is that it? Blow your load inside me?"

I hissed at her harsh tone. I had said these words to her in my room while I fucked her, both of us turned on by them. And now she was using those words against me. To antagonize me.

"Don't!" I told her.

"Don't call it what it is? Fine. Just do it. But don't put that ring on and act like this is something it's not."

"I never take it off. I won't. Ever." It was a promise that I belonged to her an her only. I couldn't even fathom the idea of removing her claim from mine.

Releasing her right hand, I dug her ring from my pocket and placed it back on her hand—where it belonged. I took her hand, savouring the moment by placing a soft kiss on her finger, and than a quick, hard kiss on her temple.

"Wait." I ordered. I will come to you as soon as I find a way.

Pulling myself away from her, which was very hard for me, I plugged the keg out and stepped out, giving a quick glance on her.

The door closed, the elevator descending, taking her away from me.

Going into my office, I called my attorney.

Arash came within a few minutes. "How is my boss today?"

Saturday evening had gone all wrong. The evening I was supposed to enjoy was spent in sulking. We had gone to the club where I had first cornered Eva, discussed about what we wanted.

"Enough of these pleasantries." I was too emotionally raw to bear any nonsense. "I want you to discuss the Nathan case with the detectives. Query them where is the investigation going and are I and Eva a suspect. I want the whole shit cleared out by this evening."

He scowled sensing my mood but nodded. "On it."

My way to Eva was to be cleared in any way. I wasn't going to stay away from her for another minute.

·

·

·

It was a quarter to five when Scott came in. "Mrs. Giroux wants to meet you. She says it's urgent."

I breathed deeply. Now was the time to cut Corinne off completely. The window I had opened for her was no longer needed. Of course I felt guilty to use her, but I wanted Eva back—the only way was to cut Corinne off altogether.

"Send her in. And ask the security to inform me the moment Eva steps out of the building."

"Consider it done. Your video conference with GenTen team will start by five thirty."

"Appoint our PR team to work with them. They know what they have to do."

"Okay. I'll send Corinne in and call the security."

I nodded, looking at my Rolex. Eva leaves at five—I have to be very precise with timing. If she sees Corinne leaving the building she will lose her mind. And I already had a great share of complications on my plate. We weren't suspects, Arash told me after his meeting at the NYPD, repeating the words Michna had told him but he couldn't get out any other information as they were going for another case.

Draped in a strapless white jumpsuit, Corinne dashed in my office with her nude heels slapping the floor with each step. "Hi, Corinne. How can I help you this time of the day?"

"By maybe sometimes picking up my calls?" I motioned for her to sit on the chair in front of me. Inviting to the couch would seem as an invitation which I was trying to avoid at any cost. "Elizabeth called me to check on you. She said something about you not responding to her calls."

"So my mother is now harassing you?"

"Hey! I like her. She is such a lovely lady, and she loves you."

But Eva loves me more to fight for me. Not like my mother whose love has its own bounds.

"She worries about you, Gideon. Just like me." I said nothing. "Okay. Now, I have a problem. I'm invited to a wine tasting program at seven at Elle's winery. She is launching a new product she had just acquired. I was wondering if you'd like to join me?"

"I'm sorry I've to say no."

"It's not a date, Gideon." She muttered.

"I know, Corinne. But still I won't be able to attend it. I am having a business dinner today."

"Please. Elle requested me to get you there. You remember her, right? She was our college friend." Making me recall the college days when we were a couple had been Corinne's strategy from the day she decided she wants me back.

"I'll see what I can do. Maybe I could squeeze in between for a couple of minutes but I'm not promising anything."

She clapped her hands. "Thanks, Gideon. She'll be so happy. And so will be our other friends who'll come. Everyone is excited to see us. We were the hottest couple in the whole college. I'm glad that's still there."

I said nothing, looking at my watch. I had a few more minutes before I could end my meeting with her.

She talked about our time in college, the time we had spent together. Cutting her off when I got a call from security about Eva's departure, I said, "I have a meeting in exactly three minutes, Corinne. If you have anything else to say, please do, else I'll ask Raúl to drop you at Elle's."

She stood up when I did. "Will I see you?"

"I can't promise but I'll talk to Elle. She'll understand if I can't show up."

She mumbled an okay, but smiled when I stepped in the elevator with her. Out of a habit, I put my hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the revolving doors.

"After your dinner," she mumbled glancing at me, "how about we meet somewhere? It seems like forever since last Thursday, right?"

"I don't think so."

Her frown deepened. "What happen, Gideon? You were taking me out to social events as a date a week ago."

"And I'm grateful that you came, Corinne. But that's it. I don't want to indulge in any romantic relationship with you."

"Is it about Eva? About Jean-François?"

"Yes and no."

"But you broke up with her. And trust me, she's no good for you."

"Thanks for your opinion, but that doesn't change how I feel about her."

"She is a bad impression on you, Gideon. Even Elizabeth thinks so."

I'd have answered her something if I hadn't seen Eva across the street looking at me with a horrified face. The hurt and furious look on her face tore me apart. Corinne stepped in the Mercedes, saying something, but I didn't hear that either. Raúl drove the car away, while I remained transfixed on the spot, seeing nothing but her.

She flicked me her middle finger over her shoulder and looked the other way, talking on the phone, and then disappearing in the sea of New Yorkers walking on the street to their way home.

"For fuck's sake!" I muttered. I had just told her this noon to wait for me, and Corinne ruined it. Shit!

I didn't make a stop at Elle's, knowing Eva's wrath would just get a hike if she saw my any picture with Corinne.

·

·

·

I was looking at the monitor the next morning, looking for Eva. Quarter of an hour had passed but still she made on appearance. I checked on with Angus, knowing he would be following Eva, but he didn't pick his phone either. Something wasn't right—I had a sick feeling in my gut.

I tracked the Bentley, finding it insane why would it be at Corinne's...unless she had asked Angus for a personal favour.

I was about to call Angus again when Corinne's name displayed on the screen.

Not knowing what the fuck was her problem, I picked the call up. If she had asked Angus then...

Before I could greet her she was yelling. "What the fuck Eva thinks she is? Storming at my place, making me uncomfortable at my own goddamn home!"

"What?" That was why Bentley was at her apartment?

"She comes and tells me I am a hypocrite for using you. Who does she thinks she is! I am not going to tolerate this, Gideon. If she storms at my home again I would be pressed to file charges again her."

"It won't be necessary, Corinne. I'll talk to her."

"I told you she is a bad influence. And yet you...And she claims you love her...She can't be any more stupid! She is a hypocrite—"

"Enough, Corinne!" I snapped with bittiness in my voice. "You have a right to be angry but watch your words—I won't tolerate anything against her, not even a few words."

"Oh, my god! I can't believe you are supporting her!"

"I'll talk with her, Corinne. It won't happen again." I muttered, switching the call off. I tracked the Bentley again. It was heading to Terrance Lucas's office.

"What the fuck are you doing, Angel!" I muttered, taking my jacket off the coatrack, calling Raúl to pull out the car. Then I found Scott making a few calls. "Some personal stuff came up. I've to go. Scatter my meetings to the units or postpone them."

"I'll see what I can do. Just for information, how much time you'll be gone to reschedule the meetings—"

"Give me two hours."

Settling in the Mercedes I told Raúl to drive to the forty-fifth street, to Lucas's clinic.

Angus was waiting at the curb in the Bentley. He stepped out when he saw me, his hat in his hands. "You could've at least followed her inside, Angus. You know better." I muttered.

"And she knows enough, lad."

"I'll see you later." I muttered, but the smile on his face gave me away. He touched my shoulder gently. "Go see she doesn't gets Terrence in a problem."

"Oh, I will."

I dashed in the building and to the seventeenth floor to his office. I had always loathed this place. This place was the one where my mother believed in a doctor than me. The place where I was held as my own culprit.

The brunette receptionist tried to stop me but I dashed to Terrance's office, not listening to her pleas or stopping.

Before I could open the gate, I heard the yelling inside. Eva's voice was calm, with a bite in it. "Where are the assertions that Gideon is a soulless monster bent on corrupting the women of the world?"

I could hear the unusual bittiness in the doctor's voice too. "I've done my due diligence and warned you. If you continue to throw your life away, there's nothing I can do about it."

"I'm going to figure it out. I just needed to see your face. I had to know if I was right."

"You're not. Cross was never a patient of mine."

"Semantics—his mother consulted you. And while you go about your days seething over the fact that your wife fell in love with him, think about what you did to a small child who needed help." Her voice took an angry tone then. "What happened between him and your wife happened between two consenting adults. What happened to him as a child was a crime and how you contributed to that is a travesty."

Oh, my Angel. How I fucking loved her! She was fighting the battle for me, fighting with every person, trying to find me justice. I had long ago given up, knowing I could not change the done deeds but control them from now, but she was giving me the closure I needed from all these people—who not only took my innocence away but also filled my life with living nightmares. Only my Angel could give me that.

"Get out."

"My pleasure." I smiled.

My hand was at the knob but the door was opened by Eva, who almost ran into me.

I circled her upper arm, holding her to my chest, my eyes fixed on Terrence. Rage filled inside me. "Stay away from her!"

Lucas smiled at me maliciously. "She came to me."

My smile was equally spiteful. "You see her coming, I suggest you run in the opposite direction."

"Funny. That's the advice I gave her in regard to you."

Before I could say anything, Eva flipped her middle finger to him over her shoulder, smiling sweetly, which had the effect she desired on the doctor. His smile faded into lividity.

A snort escaped my mouth as I pulled her by her hand away from all these.

"What is it with you and giving people the finger?" I asked with a faint smile.

She grinned innocently. "What? It's a classic!"

"You can't just barge in here!" the receptionist seethed.

"You can cancel that call to security, we're leaving."

Walking with me in a peach coloured blouse and black pleated skirt with a matching stocking and nude heels, wearing light makeup but a big triumph smile on her face which was framed by her shoulder-length hair, she looked extremely fuckable and insatiable. I could feel her radiant energy slipping out from her. I was desirous for her. And the fact that I was touching her, feeling her...

We exited in the corridor, while she tried to pry herself from me. "Did Angus tattle on me?"

"No. Stop wriggling. All the cars have GPS tracking."

"You're a nut job. You know that?"

I called the elevator and then glared down at her. "I am? What about you? You're all over the place. My mother. Corinne. Goddamned Lucas. What the fuck are you doing, Eva?"

I hated that she had to clear all the mess I have left unattended ever since.

Her chin lifted in defence. "It's none of your business. We broke up, remember?"

I scowled, my jaw tightening. No...we didn't. But of course for her we did. The promise ring I gave her yesterday...

The elevator arrived. We stepped in. I gazed at her. She was smiling with palpable excitement, her legs doing a slow tap dance.

Plugging the key in the elevator—a few advantages of owning the building—I was on her in an instant. Her question of me owning everything in New York was submerged in our mutual groans as my lips met hers. I kissed her with a violent urgency, my one hand buried in her hair while the other grinding her butt cheeks through her skirt. My tongue dipped in her mouth, quarrelling with hers, fucking her mouth with deep thrusts.

Her moan was swallowed by my mouth. She pushed onto her toes to deepen the kiss, her hands gripping my waist with possession.

I bit her lowed lip as a scolding with little pressure, getting more hard than ever when she moaned in my mouth.

"You think you can say a few words and end us? There is no end, Eva." Not with her. She was my horizon—my start and my end.

I pressed her to the wall, covering her body with mine, shamelessly thrusting my hips against hers, groaning when my dick ached for her touch and moaning when she grinded her hips, too.

"I miss you." She murmured, yanking me forward by flexing her fingers on my butt.

"Angel!" She would make me come just by her kiss. "What are you doing? You're going around, stirring up everything."

I was shamelessly breathless. And so was she when she replied, "I've got time on my hands, since I dumped my asshat boyfriend."

I growled, more aroused by her playfulness. I pulled her mouth more close to me by her hair, kissing her senseless.

"You can't make this up with a kiss or a fuck, Gideon. Not this time."

Ah! She was right. I groaned and put space between us, finding it physically painful, almost impossible. We had been deprived of each other for a long time. I needed her, my desire very tangible.

I pressed my forehead against hers, not putting any more distance between us. "You have to trust me."

She pushed me away with hands on my chest and I let her, searching her face to get a glimpse in her beautiful head. "Not when you don't talk to me."

She removed the key from its place and handed it to me. The elevator resumed it's descent while she straighten her blouse and ran her hands over my lapel to erase any traces of our violent moment. "You put me through hell. On purpose. Made me suffer. And there's no end in sight. I don't know what the fuck you're doing, ace, but this Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit ain't cutting it with me."

Shoving the key in my pocket, I ran the other hand through my hair. "You're completely unmanageable."

"When I've got clothes on. Get used to it."

I already am.

When the car came to a stop, she moved out and I followed her, placing my hand against the small of her back. The moment I touched her there, my body sang with happiness, my heart signed with content.

"You put your hand on Corinne's back like this again, and I'm breaking your fingers."

I smiled, finding her jealousy amusing like always, liking it. "You know I don't want anyone else, I can't. I'm consumed with wanting you."

Angus and Raúl were waiting for us with the cars at the curb. The sky had darkened, giving way to the clouds that promised rain. I was contemplating about telling her everything. After all this...

Angus was amused seeing us together and Raúl smiled too. I nodded, signalling Raúl to drive with Angus. Eva and I needed to talk.

"Make them ride together. You and I need to talk."

"That was the plan."

Angus touched the brim of his hat, looking at me with sharp eyes. I nodded. He smiled and slipped in the Bentley while Raúl approached us, giving me keys of the Mercedes.

Then he greeted Eva. "Eva, this is Raúl."

"We meet again. Did you pass on my message last time?"

Of course her message to fuck myself! My fingers flexed, irritated by remembering the words. "He did." I muttered.

She cheered up. "Thank you, Raúl."

Raúl slid in the passenger seat of the Bentley while I took Eva's hand and escorted her to Mercedes. Making her comfortable in the passenger seat, I slid in the driver's, adjusting the seat, all the while highly aware of her eyes on me. She ogled me with a hunger, and hers was the only one that made me feel special. Revving the engine, I merged into the sea of traffic, driving through a long route.

"Watching you drive makes me want you." My grip on the wheel tightened. Her eyes only for me made my already aroused dick more excited.

"Christ!" I glanced at her. "You have a transportation fetish."

"I have a Gideon fetish." Her voice turned to a whisper. "It's been weeks."

Ah! "And I hate every second of it. This is torment for me, Eva. I can't focus. I can't sleep. I lose my temper at the slightest irritants. I'm in hell without you."

She twisted in the seat, facing me. Her eyes held a look of challenge. "Why are you doing this to us?"

"I had an opportunity and I took it." And I don't regret any second of it. "This separation is the price. It won't last forever. I need you to be patient."

"No, Gideon. I can't. Not anymore."

"You're not leaving me. I won't let you."

"I've already left. Don't you see that? I'm living my life and you're not in it."

"I'm in it every way I can be right now." Every fucking way! She has no idea about how much I struggled to get a small glimpse of her!

"By having Angus following me around? Come on. That's not a relationship. Not one I want anyway." Her voice fell, showing how miserable she was by the way things were now.

"Eva." I cannot explain her though. I exhaled harshly. "My silence is the lesser of two evils. I feel like whether I explain or not, I'll drive you away, but explaining carries the greatest risk. You think you want to know, but if I tell you, you'll regret it. Trust me when I say there are some aspects of me you don't want to see."

"You have to give me something to work with." She set her hand in my thigh, her ring shining on her finger. My muscles twitched, eager to be with her. Hating the distance which lingered despite how close we were. "I've got nothing right now. I'm empty."

I put my hand over her. "You trust me. Despite what you see to the contrary, you've come to trust in what you know. That's huge, Eva. For both of us. For us, period."

"There is no us."

"Stop saying that."

"You wanted my blind trust and you have it, but that's all I can give you. You've shared so little of yourself and I've lived with it because I had you. And now I don't—"

"You have me." I said again, firmly, hoping the words imprint on her mind.

"Not the way I need you." She objected. "You've given me your body and I've been greedy with it, because that's the only way you're really open to me. And now I don't have that, and when I look at what I do have, it's just promises. It's not enough for me. In the absence of you, all I have are a pile of things you won't tell me."

Because I don't want to burden you, Angel. She knew nothing, and yet she stirred up everything. If she knew what happened with me...

I was musing it over when she slipped her hand from my grasp, turning her back to me. If I tell her, she'll leave me, if I don't, I'll lose her...That was one thing I could never allow.

"If I lose you, Eva, I have nothing. Everything I've done is so I don't lose you."

"I need more." She emphasised. "If I can't have you on the outside, I need to have you on the inside, but you've never let me in."

Dr. Peterson's words echoed in my head. She needs words, needs the assurance of them...

I drove in silence, wondering if I could revisit my past...if I could tell her...

The question that would she trust me had no space: she already did it. So why not...if for having her I needed to recall those horrifying memories, wasn't it a small price to pay?

"After my dad died," I started, telling her everything, "I had a hard time dealing with the changes. I remember that people liked him, liked being around him. He was making everyone rich, right? And then suddenly the world flipped on its head and everyone hated him. My mother, who'd been so happy all the time, was crying nonstop. And she and my dad were fighting every day. That's what I remember most—the constant yelling and screaming."

Those fights still haunted me when I was unconscious. I still saw my father's torn face at night.

"She remarried right away. We moved out of the city. She got pregnant."

She hadn't resumed her life after my dad's suicide. She had rebooted it. Changing herself. Starting a new family. I wasn't her son then. I became an outsider in my mother's life. One who always came last for her.

"I never knew when I'd run across someone my dad had fucked over, and I took a lot of shit for it from other kids. From their parents. Teachers. It was big news. To this day, people still talk about my dad and what he did. I was so angry. At everyone. I had tantrums all the time. I broke things."

The red light made me stop the car, and I realised my breathing was already harsh.

"After Christopher came along, I got worse, and when he was five, he imitated me, pitching a fit at dinner and shoving his plate across the table and onto the floor. My mom was pregnant with Ireland then, and she and Vidal decided it was time to put me into therapy."

The green light signalled and I resumed driving, seeing nothing but the past in front of me.

"They came out to the house—the shrink and a doctoral candidate she was supervising. It started out all right. They both were nice, attractive, patient. But soon the shrink was spending most of the time counselling my mother, who was having a difficult pregnancy in addition to two young boys who were out of control. I was left alone with him more and more frequently."

I couldn't drive more, so I pulled the car at Morning Side Park, needing time to get over it and put those memories back in the place where they wouldn't haunt me again. At least not while I'm awake.

Rain drops splattered on the windshield, but they weren't able to wipe the memories away.

Pedestrians walked on the street while the cars honked and drove, the sounds mixing with the soft sounds of water dripping on the ground, but the only sound I heard was my own panting when he used touch me, when he got excited...

I felt Eva's hand on mine, giving me energy to go on, helping me lessen the grip on the wheel. My fingers flexed impatiently as I relived those memories. "You don't have to tell me any more." She whispered softly.

"He made me come. Every goddamned time, he wouldn't stop until I came, so he could say I liked it."

My hand was removed from the wheel by her as she straddled me, cupping my face in her small hands, touching me with her wet fingers. I held onto her like a lifeline, buried my face in her chest as I panted, closing off my dark past.

I didn't cry, but my body shook uncontrollably. The pouring deepened, closing up off from the whole world, where only we existed. She held me tight, her hands in my hair massaging my scalp, soothing me.

She made me look at her, pressing her wet cheek against mine. "Hush, baby. I understand. I know how that feels, the way they gloat afterward. And the shame and confusion and guilt you felt. It's not your fault. You didn't want it. You didn't enjoy it."

That was the crux of my whole past. He made me enjoy it! He made me do it myself, enjoying the show. He made me rape myself, enjoying every second of it, coaxing when I came...

"I let him touch me at first," he whispered. "He said it was my age...hormones...I needed to masturbate and I'd be calmer. Less angry all the time. He touched me, said he'd show me how to do it right. That I was doing it wrong—"

"Gideon, no." She said sternly, looking at me with so much love...and hatred for the ones who had tormented me. "You were a child in the hands of an adult who knew all the right buttons to push. They want to make it our fault so they have no culpability in their crime, but it's not true."

But still...I shouldn't have enjoyed it...

She pressed her lips gently to mine, kissing my pain away. "I love you. And I believe you. And none of this was your fault."

Did she have any idea what all those words did to me. Being loved unconditionally was a luxury I'd never experienced. And she believed me, when even my goddamn mother refused to do so.

I pulled her close to me by her hair, not letting her go, and kissed her with renewed urgency. "Don't leave me." I begged.

"Leave you? I'm going to marry you."

I inhaled sharply, her words reverberating in my whole body. She will marry me! She still wants me! I held her close to me, crushing her with my body, letting the distance of the last two weeks chased away by our love.

The impatient rapping on the glass ruined the moment. She jerked back in surprise and I in fury, wondering who disturbed me? The cop who tapped scowled at us from under his hat, looking at our passionate embrace through the untinted glass. The glasses will be tinted soon! I thought as he gave us a warning. Eva slid out of my lap with embarrassment shining in her face.

I looked at her, amused. Here is my girl with a crazy transportation fetish, who gets all flamed up with anyone caught us.

When she was seated in her seat, I saluted the frowning officer by tipping mg brow, and pulled the car off, merging it again in the traffic to get back to Crossfire.

Reaching for her hand, I lifted her fingers to my lips, kissing them tenderly. "I love you."

I felt her eyes on me, transfixed.

Linking them with mine, I sprayed our fingers on my thigh, smiling. It felt good to say everything to her, laying my every truth bared in front of her, and even more on cloud nine as she accepted me with all my flaws and secrets.

I felt at peace for the very first time in a long time. The words I'll marry you still echoing in my mind. I was very excited, my pulse very high thinking of it.

"Say that again."

I knew she wanted to hear it. Stopping at a red light, I looked at her with a hopeful smile. "I love you. Still not the right word," the feelings I had for her couldn't be summarised in those three words, "but I know you want to hear it."

"I need to hear it," I agreed softly.

"As long as you understand the difference." I murmured, driving again.

She said nothing, trying to understand my words. "People get over love. They can live without it, they can move on. Love can be lost and found again. But that won't happen for me. I won't survive you, Eva."

I glanced at her—my angel. I knew this already—I needed her to exist.

I poured my feeling into words again. "I'm obsessed with you, angel. Addicted to you. You're everything I've ever wanted or needed, everything I've ever dreamed of. You're everything. I live and breathe you. For you."

She looked down at our joined hands, placing her right hand above them. The diamonds of the ring glittered in the faint light, shining on her. "There's so much out there for you. You just don't know it yet."

How could she doubt herself? "I don't need anything else." I explained her, hoping she gets it. "I get out of bed every morning and face the world because you're in it."

She said nothing. "Because of you, the world makes sense to me in a way it didn't before. I have a place now, with you." The feeling of being an outsider no more lingered on me. I had a home now, a place to live. She was my haven and my sanctuary. She was the epitome of my paradise.

Stopping in front of Crossfire, I killed the engine and breathed deeply, turning towards her. She was looking at me with so much love, so much adoration, I couldn't resist brushing my fingertips over her cheek. She inhaled deeply, nuzzling her cheek against my fingers.

"When are you coming back to me?" She asked softly.

"As soon as I can." Leaning forward, I pressed my lips to her for a soft kiss. "Wait."

She smiled. "I trust you, too."

I kissed her forehead before slipping out of the car. Raúl was there to open the door for her. I placed my hand over the small of her back, guiding her to the elevator. I made sure we were the lone travellers in the car. Standing behind her, snuggling, I nuzzled my face in my hair. "You look exceptional with your makeover. Did I tell you that?" I teased, kissing her behind her ear.

That made her smile. "I still have a good five minutes before I need to start my day—" she suggested.

I didn't need any more motivation. I plugged the key in the car, stopping its ascend, and ravaged her mouth for a deep, soul-wrenching kiss. She laughed huskily, showing her excitement—my own mirrored her.