I was in a radiant mood as I stepped out of the elevator. I had Eva back and that was a major thing. I can do and have anything I want—she loved me...she trusted me...she would marry me...
Scott found me this way, smiling. He followed me in my office. "You're early. Should I bring on the meetings?"
"Have you postponed them?"
"Your schedule is cleared till eleven thirty. If you want—"
No. I had much more pressing things on my mind. "Give me a couple minutes and then let's start the day."
"You seem jovial."
I smiled. He was out, leaving me and my thoughts alone. Looking outside the glass wall, I thought about how to clear my way to Eva. But first things first. I called Angus to pick up two burner phones and two new numbers for me and Eva.
"Don't worry about that, Gideon." He murmured, and I could hear his smile behind the words.
"Thanks, Angus." If there was any soul that knew me wholly and completely other than the one I loved, it was Angus. He was the surrogate father I had, my only family that mattered to me, that believed in me. "Listen, after she reaches home, I want you to pick me up from my gym. I have something else to tell you."
"Consider it done."
I started my day with a fresh start. Scott was relieved not finding me yelling at him, not getting irate at small things. Even I found myself smiling everytime I glanced at the photo of Eva and us together in front of me—on the table or on the laptop—relieved beyond measure that we were back again. The secret of my doings were still a trigger for both of us, which we have to look after, but for the time being I was more than content.
·
·
·
I got a call from the security at noon, calling to inform: "Miss Tramell got out for lunch with Christopher Vidal Jr."
Of course, I muttered. I thanked them and called Angus. "Are you with Eva?"
"Aye. She is with Christopher at a restaurant."
I sighed. "Look after her, Angus. And call me when she leaves."
"Don't be mad at her, Gideon." He pressed.
I didn't say anything, because it wasn't left in me to do so. Even when she was stirring everything, the small child inside me was happy that someone was finally there to take care after him.
A quarter before one Angus texted me: She is on her way.
I called Scott to give me fifteen minutes and went down to the reception of the building, asking the security to bring Eva in the security room the moment she arrives. The head security, Sean, was dubious but nodded.
Leaning against the desk, I frowned glancing at my watch. It had been ten minutes but still she wasn't here...But after a couple of minutes my scowl turned into a soft smile when I heard the opening of the door which was filled by a confused Eva, whose mouth turned into a smile when she saw me.
"Are there other people in my life you plan on harassing on my behalf?"
"Are you spying on me again?" She queried instead, to which I corrected, "Keeping a protective eye on you."
Heavens knew how important was that. After all, my Angel was special, and a goddamn bomb who could explode on anyone who had troubled me.
Her one brow arched in challenge. "And how do you know if I harassed him or not?"
I smiled back, getting hard just looking at her, finding her challenging me fucking awesome. "Because I know you."
"Well, I didn't harass him. Really. I didn't." She pressed when I looked at her in disbelief. "I was going to, but then I didn't. And why are we in this room?"
"Are you on some kind of crusade, angel?"
Her mouth turned into a grimace but then she smiled. "Do you realize that your reaction to my lunch with Christopher is very calm? And so is my reaction to your spending time with Corinne? We're both reacting totally different from the way we would have just a month ago."
Of course! I had thought that too, knowing why. Her unequivocal trust and love for me changed many reaction of mine and so did my unconditional love and belief in her. We both had started the wrong way—triggering each other at the slightest thing, but time had healed it. Now we both were the strength of each other.
"We trust each other, Eva. It feels good, doesn't it?"
"Trusting you doesn't mean I'm any less baffled by what's going on between us. Why are we hiding in this office?"
"Plausible deniability." I murmured. And it has to be that way until I officially get back to her.
I closed the distance between us and cupped her face, tilting her head back to capture her lips with mine. I kissed her softly. "I love you."
"You're getting good at saying that."
I played with her hair.
"Remember that night, when you had your nightmare and I was out late? You wondered where I was."
"I still wonder." She murmured softly. And I regretted forgetting about telling this till now.
"I was at the hotel, clearing out that room. My fuck pad, as you called it. Explaining that while you were puking your guts out didn't seem to be the appropriate time." She exhaled in a rush, looking at me with so much passion and relief. She had hated it...I wondered why I'd forgotten about it...
"I'd completely forgotten about it until it came up with Dr. Petersen." And then, because she looked so amazing and fuckable, "We both know I'll never use it again. My girl prefers modes of transportation to beds."
Before she could react I walked out.
·
·
·
At three, just before I was leaving for a meeting in conference room, Scott came in with a bunch of flowers—red Chrysanthemum. I read the letter attached to it.
Mr. X,
Here's to all the moments we've had
and the ones to happen.
Forever yours, X.
I smiled reading it, but it was a risk now contacting like this. We both have to be careful. The orders she was placing will leave a trail behind...any loophole could lead to a disaster now.
Contacting via a secured line became crucial now.
I replied nothing, but secured the letter in my drawer where her other letters were still safe. Setting the flowers on the table in front of my desk I went for my meeting.
·
·
·
The flowers sat beside me in the car, filling it with their aroma. I was thinking about Eva—and smiled at how the day had progressed. She had sent me another bunch of flowers—coral roses and purple lilac—by four with a letter,
My glorious fiend,
Cheers to limo and private jets.
Yours, X.
I'd smiled and was tempted to write a inter-office letter back which I had dropped in the out-go box.
My precious,
You are the reason I exist.
Always yours, X.
·
·
·
I sat opposite Dr. Peterson with my hand over the armrest. He sat with a soft smile screaming patience all over his face. As usual, he waited for me to say something, but when I remained silent, he took over.
"You seem extremely cheerful today? Should I take it that you and Eva are back?" I rose my brows at him in a silent query. "She called at the reception last Thursday to tell me that you both won't be attending couple therapies anymore."
"We found a hurdle—it wasn't easy to overcome it but we did." And we will clear our path. I was very much sure and keen on that.
"You both are on the same track now?"
"Yes. Most importantly, she is angry that I kept secrets from her, and I'm working on that. As of now, we are as rock solid as we ever were."
"Did it start or end with you both being physical."
"No. I took your advice. I told her about how I feel about her." I told her everything about me.
"How did that feel? Saying your feelings?"
"It was hard forming words for what I feel for her, but when she smiled listening...I'm glad I did that."
He nodded. "Was this the first time you ever laid your heart out to someone?"
"It depends on what are you referring to. Romantically, yes."
"And with your family. You told me last time that you were never close with your sister. Let's talk about that. How would you define your relationship with her?"
"She was a toddler when I went out for my higher studies and building my empire as it is now. I've never been with her for more than a few minutes or when she needed me, which was always a rare occasion."
"Would you consider her as an important lady in your life?"
"You are solely fixed on my sister today."
"Just trying to get a perspective."
"Yes."
"Yes you consider it, or yes you do because she is your sister?"
I thought about his question before saying, "Because she is my sister."
"Tell me why you took her to Eva's?"
"Because she wanted me to. She wanted her family to meet with mine, or a part of mine. She asked specifically of her because she knows I'm not tight with the others."
"Okay. We'll reach that topic later when you are ready. For now, tell me this. Will you be willing to take your sister to a social event?"
"I won't say no, but she'll get bored soon."
"It's for her to decide." He smiled softly. "Does she loves you?"
"I don't know. She cares for me. She asked me a couple of times to get back with Eva, and that she would love to help me if I needed any."
"How do you feel of that?"
"It is new." I tried to form words. "I never communicated with her at a personal level. Now that I did, I see that she has transformed into a beautiful and a smart lady. It won't be later when I will have to keep an eye for her for whom she is dating."
"Protective brother instincts. But you didn't answer me."
"I liked that there is someone who cares for me beside Eva."
He nodded. "I told you I wanted a perspective, and now I want yours. What will say you say Ireland impacts the most on you? To you?"
"We've never been that close or tight to answer that."
"See, that's what I conclude. You like to do things for Eva, and she is urging you to open not only to her but also to the ones whom she knows would create an impact on you. You asked me why I was fixated on your sister, and the answer is: you are new with being a brother to her. Sure you have contacted her a few times, but never on a personal level. And when you did, you are ready to open up a little to her. That shows many things."
"You have always dissociated yourself from others but now you are not. Even when you both were not on easy terms, you talked with your sister instead of not bringing her. Being with Eva had not only triggered those things but given you strength to overcome them, just like hers. She has always ran away from her problems, especially her romantic relationships, but with you she wants to stick. She is trying to neglect her natural instincts and working on them, just like you."
I considered that, while he typed on his tablet. Sure I wasn't distancing myself from others—instead I was willingly pulling Eva to me. And in doing that I was also giving a chance to others whom I have never given. Sure I will hesitate in bringing Ireland to a social event but I wasn't scared by that.
·
·
·
James Cho, my personal trainer, wasn't able to beat my ass up today. I had my head on my game, unlike last Wednesday when my head was filled with so many things that I hadn't been able to tackle him.
Angus was waiting for me at the curb in the Bentley. He touched the brim of his hat as a greeting and opened the gate for me. "You are smiling, Gideon." He noticed.
I touched his shoulder with affection and slid in the back seat. The burner phones were already placed there in their packaging. "I have already put two new SIM cards in there."
"We both will call you Angus in case we need to reach the other." I told him, what he already knew.
He nodded. "I'll see to it."
"I told her, Angus, everything." I blurted out.
"It was about time. How did she take it?"
I didn't need to answer. He looked at me through the rear mirror and knew it. "She believes me. She trusts me."
"You are lovable, lad. I don't know why you doubt that."
I took a deep breath and looked outside the tinted glass. There were so many memories of I and Eva together in this car...We had fought and argued in this car, shared intimate moments. There was no part of my life that she had kept untouched. And the big part was...I was giddy about that. She had altered by whole life, made it into something more brighter and happier that it ever had.
"I am going to ask her to marry me."
The car didn't falter and neither did it's speed. Angus was driving it casually, though I could see it in him that he was shocked by the news. "Isn't it too soon?"
"I can't live without her, Angus. It's killing me. I need her—in every way possible."
A big smile plastered on his face, making his old face look young. "I knew she'll do you good, lad. I'm so happy for you. You deserve this happiness."
"Thanks. You are the only one to know it." I informed him.
His smile widened. "I am honoured."
I touched his shoulder. "I wouldn't have told it to someone else before I informed it to you." He briefly patted my hand before concentrating on driving.
"When are you planning to do it?"
"As soon as possible. You are going to be the lone attender of the wedding." I added.
He has been my anchor for a long time. And not only he had been with me since childhood, he was the first one to believe me, to trust my words alone despite the proof. And he had witnessed me and Eva together. It not only meant to him that he would be the only guest in our wedding, but it also mattered me.
"Thank you, lad. I am touched."
"Tell that to Eva. She is the one who changed everything."
"And I cannae ask for someone better for you."
·
·
·
Once at Upper West Side apartment, where I stayed the night once again without Eva knowing it, I drafted a few pointers for the prenuptial agreement. Her words I am going to marry you echoed in my head the whole time.
I sketched out a rough draft of the property I own, of what she owns, and what we own together. Though that column was empty for now, the Outer Banks house was soon going to fill up that space.
I laid out my pointers then. The foremost one was Taking my name CROSS was unnegotiable. I wanted her to take my name, declare herself mine. Then the gifts and bonuses—ten millions—for every milestone, anniversary, child. I laid out other points as well. The scenarios in case we want a divorce. The thought was excruciating, but still I had to cover it.
I read the whole draft again, making sure I cover every basic thing. I wanted her to stay with me, and no matter if she say she isn't interested in my property, if I had to keep her with me I had to give her my whole property, I was ready. I just needed her—every other logistic could be looked after.
I have to call her father too, ask for his permission. And her mother, too. As a afterthought, I decided I'll inform Shanton, too. He cared for her like his own—he would like to know. And show the prenup to him. He will like to know what Eva has sighed into.
·
·
·
Wednesday noon found me having lunch with Arash. I wanted to discuss with him, and not at all giving it any business touch. It was the most important decision of my personal life—I wanted to keep it that way only.
Before he could enter, Scott came in with a bunch of another flowers—white dittanies surrounded by red salvias on the edge—decorated in a graphite black vase with a blue ribbon on its rim. He smiled, put the vase on my desk, and was gone.
Dark And Dangerous,
You have captivated and entwined me with yourself.
Yours and only yours.
X.
I sat back on my desk chair, reading it and re-reading it, revolving on the chair with joy...this was how Arash found me.
"Whoa! Gideon Cross is smiling."
"Hello to you too, Madani."
"Lunch with a smiling Gideon. Am I going crazy?"
"I feel the same way." I pointed towards the bar where I had set up spaghetti noodles and soup. I wrote a reply to Eva's letter and dropped it in my out-go box. I knew she would be gone with her boss and his partner for dinner today. But the fact that she was still thinking about me...
Angel of my dreams,
Seems fair enough, since you have bound yourself over my heart.
X.
We started eating. Halfway, I told him: "I want you to prepare a prenup for me."
He looked at me with wide eyes and coughed. I passed him a bottle of water and he drank to settle himself.
"Are you kidding me or yourself?"
"I never joke around, Madani."
"Whoa! Don't tell me you are marrying Corinne!" I raised my brows at him. He shook his head in disbelief. "But you and Eva broke up."
"It will be soon, Madani, when I will have her back, and I want to be fully prepared."
"For what? Marrying her? You just met her a couple of months ago—"
"And I want to spend my life with her."
He considered it as he drank his soup and ate noodles. "Is she pregnant?"
The sudden question made my head squirm with both delight and dread. I want Eva in every way possible—my best friend, lover, girlfriend, wife, and as the mother of my child too, but I wasn't prepared for a child now. I wanted her to myself for now, with no child in a mix.
"No. I don't want to delay the inevitable."
"You sure? I mean, it's your life, and you can always prepare your prenup during your engagement period."
"The crux of the whole thing, Arash, is that I don't want to wait anymore. I want her in every way possible and as a wife, it would be my pleasure."
"Who am I to argue? I'll give you the basic pointers by the end of the day—"
"Already done. You'll receive a mail of my rough documentation of all the points I want covered. You just have to mention the property I own, name the terms as mentioned, and present it to me as soon as possible—say by this Friday.."
"You are fast, man."
"I want you to be the same. And one more thing. The whole thing is to be between you and me only. Under the client-attorney law—"
"I know what that is, Cross. No one will know about it." We ate the lunch then, not talking about it. When it was done, he asked, "Does anyone else know?"
"Just Angus."
"Then I'm demanding to be the best man."
"Don't get your hopes high. It is going to be an intimate wedding on an island, with no one but us and a reverend."
Beaches carried happy memories for both of us. It was a part of our life which had remained untouched by our demons. It would be the most primal setting to have a wedding at a beach. And because I wanted it to be private and personal, an island was the most beautiful setting I had in mind. The place wasn't finalized, yet, but the whole setting was.
"You kill the hopes man." He glared, but then, "I'm so happy for you."
"Me, too."
He chuckled. "It's visible. So, when did you ask her? Till yesterday you were scowling like a madman."
"I haven't asked her, yet."
"So sure." He teased.
"I always am. Now I hope you have work to do."
"And a few secrets, too. I'll see you later, Cross."
It wasn't a whole hour before he was entering in my office like an angry-man. "Are you sure you prepared the whole draft? Or is someone shitting around with you."
"I prepared it myse—"
"Have you gotten out of your mind or what? You are giving her ten millions on her saying I do, then another ten for every child you both have, for every anniversary. You are giving your every fucking property to her in the name of a goddamn gift."
"Thanks for revising what I've written."
"Are you not well? Maybe you need a day's rest."
"I am very much fine. Thank you."
"Then why are going all this goddamn crazy?"
I sighed, feigning boredom. "We can discuss it with a hard way, Arash, already knowing you will lose in that, or we can do it the easy way where you simply draft it as I have asked you to do. In both scenarios I see the prenup handled to me by Friday. Now, what do you have to say?"
"That you are fucking idiot! You realise she may be marrying you just for all your money?"
"Consider each word carefully before speaking of her, Madani. You are trading delicate water over here." I knew he meant well, so I wasn't offended by his accusations, but that doesn't gives him a right to say anything against her.
"Answer me!"
"If she is marrying me for that, she gets everything I own. In either way, this is the final draft which I want you to finalise with finesse details, without changing the gist. Now, I have work to do and so do you."
"You are crazy. Does Mr. Vidal knows about this?"
"He doesn't, and I have no intention to show him this."
"God dammit, Gideon! You have lost your mind!" He roared and went out, muttering silent curses to me.
·
·
·
I drove to my penthouse today directly from the gym, knowing that I have to make appearances here, but that wasn't the sole reason. Angus had reported me that Eva had asked Clancy to drive her here.
I was excited to have her here, but I had no clue why. She didn't even have a key. I was still musing when the elevator door opened to the private entrance...
...and revealed Eva lying staggered on the floor against the door. She was curled up on he floor, her eyes looking at nothing in particular but then focused as I approached her.
One look at her face and I got worried. Her cheeks were wet, she had cried, which had left wet trails all over her cheeks. Her eyes were reddened, her hair tied up in a pony. Even in workout clothes and worn out appearance, she looked alluring.
"I don't have a key anymore."
I crouched in front of her. "Eva? What's wrong?"
"I ran into Detective Graves tonight." I was right they would corner her. But then, where was Angus then? Or Clancy?
Her voice was hoarse. She swallowed looking at me, like she was forcing herself to speak. "They're dropping the case."
Finally! They are dropping the case. We are free now.
I took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling...
...but that didn't last for a heartbeat. Eva's grey eyes were sharp, the eyes of a cop's daughter. She was searching my reaction, and she knew.
The truth from which I had tried to protect us was now no more my secret. She knew about it.
She would leave me...she wouldn't want to be with a killer...My legs gave up and I fell on my knees, my head hung low. It was just her punishment I was waiting for. Just her conviction.
The truth hung heavy in the air. Bleakness covered my breath...The waiting became miserable...I could taste the devastation on my tongue.
Damn that Nathan! He was gone, but still he managed to steal my everything from me...
She hadn't responded yet, and the feeling of forlornness already made me shut my eyes.
I felt her wet fingers touch my cheeks, urging me to look at her. She was mirroring my position. Then she was touching me everywhere, kissing every part of my face very softly, not disturbing the palpable feeling of having no secrets between us.
I could feel her relief underneath her touch. I could hear soft thank you...I could feel her love for me which her lips whispered over my skin. She kissed my forehead, my eyes, the top of my nose, cheeks, lips, neck, throat...
It was too overwhelming. She loved me...she loved me...
I moved her in my lap, wanting her close to me. Needing her like air.
I captured her in my arms, banding tightly around them. With my face pressed against her throat, I asked her in a hoarse voice, "Where do we go from here?"
"Wherever this takes us." Her hands tightened around me, her fingers finding my hair. "Together."
"Thank you." I whispered.
"Shh, baby. Shh." She soothed. Then, leaning back to look at my face, she wiped my tears and kissed me sweetly. "I love you. So much."
I said nothing, because I knew the words weren't enough. What I felt for her could never be expressed in words. So I held her tighter, crushed her to me. And she held me that much tighter in response, not letting me go.
Neither of us said a word, just held onto each other like a lifeline.
"Don't you wanna go inside?" She asked, lifting the heavy mood.
I brushed my lips against hers. "I don't care where I am. I have you."
She said nothing. Just brushed her fingers through my sweaty hair. "I haven't eaten anything."
"We don't have to pretend—"
"It's too much to digest. Till then I can eat some food."
"I'll order something." I proposed, not separating myself from her.
She moved a few strands of hair from my forehead, not saying anything. She'd no need. I could read her eyes, see through them, see her love shining for me in them.
"Let's get some food in our system." I murmured, getting up. I opened the gate and gave her my hand. She took it without hesitation. Once on her feet, she was in my arms. I held her tightly to me, breathing in her scent. "I missed you." I whispered.
"I missed you, too." She leaned her head against my neck. "I could also use a shower."
I sat her on the island. "Let's eat something first. Then we'll shower."
I thought about pouring us wine, but she stopped me. She caught me by my the waistband of my shorts and yanked me in between her legs, pushing her hands beneath my sweatshirt. She hugged me tightly. "I just need to hold you for a moment." She murmured.
I kissed the crown of her head. "I need to hold you, too. I need to be held, too."
"Oh, baby." She cried again, leaning her head against my heart, listening it pound.
"What happen?"
"Nothing. When Graves told me about her suspicions—"
"Come again?"
In the course of having her back, I'd forgotten about thinking how she came to know.
"She caught me up when I was coming out of Krav Maga, and told me about her whole theory. She said that you weren't a suspect anymore; that they are closing the case because they reached a dead end and because no body gives a fuck about Nathan being dead. But she knows. She knows about you, about us. And she told me everything, telling me that I should get back with you because all you did was to save me and protect me."
This was good, dropping the case. But also worse. Graves knows. She knew it. It was just a matter of time before she acts. But what if... What if she acted not to find a proof but genuinely?
"Did you tell her anything?" She didn't day anything. "Eva?"
""No. She did the whole talking. I told her I had to get my lawyer, but she said it was fine and that she will do all the talking and I will just have to hear."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt she was trying to be genuine and wants us to get back together, but how can I be sure? It could just be a plan to trap me.
"How long were you here?"
"I don't know." She murmured, exhausted. I could understand how today might've been rough for her. She leaned her head against my chest. "I came directly from Krav Maga. I think it was around seven."
"Angel, we don't know about her motivations. She could've told you all to see where you go."
Understanding dawned on her as she leaned back. "You think she's keeping an eye on me?"
"We can't be sure."
"But I already came here...What if she—Oh! She asked me if it was the last Saturday I broke up with you and I affirmed it."
"Angel!" I took a deep breath, not wanting to say it but it had to be addressed. "I had given a statement that we had broken up during the weekend we were away. That was why—"
Horror coloured her face. "And now my statement contradicts yours!"
"I'll find a way." I whispered, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. "We'll find a way."
Now that we were together, I'll sort everything out.
"But—"
"Shh. Don't worry about that. I'll see that it doesn't changes anything."
"What if she—"
"You need to go." I breathed.
She nodded, her tears coming back. "Oh, Gideon!"
"It'll be over soon." I promised, helping her down the island.
She nodded, not saying anything.
We crossed the kitchen and the hallway, moving into the living room and the foyer, each step another cut through my bleeding heart. After getting her back after such a long time, the distance we had to put between us would kill me. She stepped in the elevator which was waiting over there, looking at me.
It killed me. Her tears; the distance; the whole fucking situation.
The elevator closed, taking her away from me.
The minutes I was forced to wait felt like a torture, an eternity. But I had to be careful. Keeping Eva safe was the most important thing.
I took a shower, changed into casual clothes, which was the attire of the person leaving as Eva's neighbour—sweats, a college t-shirt, and a Yankee's cap—and took off to Eva's in the Mercedes.
Hell if anybody could stop me from reaching her!
She needed me right now, just as much as I needed her.
It was after nine, but I didn't want to take any risk, no matter in how hurry I was. Parking the Mercedes in the building garage, I quickly checked through the building's security camera which were linked in the phone. There was no one at the stairs. I took the route I had used in this building—checking for anyone and then going through stairs—and went to Eva's house.
It felt all too real. Going to her house than next door. I remembered the day I had used the key—when she had emailed me her thoughts which made me desperate to be with her. That night I had feared would be the turning point of our relationship—there were too many things left unsaid which separated us. But this night surely was the changing point. There were no secrets between us. Nothing. She knew what I had been through, what I had done, and why.
And she still loved me.
Though the main question was left unattended—could she leave with the truth?—but the knowledge she still loved me made everything bearable.
I went in her apartment. There were low sounds coming through Cary's room, and that was a relief: he would be busy to know it was me.
Eva had always turned to Cary, she had learnt to be depended on him—they both knew every little thing of each other. And though it was awkward for me—knowing Cary knew every aspect of my personal and sexual life—I respected Eva's wishes. And now the secret we share would be hidden from Cary by both of us.
It felt good to be doing something together.
I moved to Eva's room, locking the door behind me. Cary cannot know about us. He had already suffered enough due to Nathan.
The room was lit by nothing but a side light. The bed was neatly done, the drapes closed blocking the Manhattan view she adored. Her shoes were kicked by the bedroom door, her duffel bag thrown over the night stand. She had shed her clothes over her way to the bathroom. Soft sounds of running water came through it.
I briefly thought about going in, surprising her, but I had no idea it that was a good move or not. How will we proceed in our relationship was still a mystery to me.
The water stoked running, and I prepared myself.
Eva possessed a small body, which was a foot shorter than me, but her voluptuous and petite figure had the capability to make me crawl on my knees for her. She had always wondered about my fascination with brunettes, which I'd noted too when she pointed out, but what she didn't know was that I lived just for her. Her blond, small figure had brought tremendous happiness in my life.
I was mentally preparing myself for her arrival, knowing she will be next to naked, but that didn't stop the faltering in my breath when I saw her entering the room, wearing nothing but a towel over her torso, her dark blond hair sprayed wet over her temple and cheeks, her body glistening with water in the semi-lit room.
She made my dick ache for her.
But that wasn't the thing which made my breathing falter. Her grey eyes sparkled with love when she saw me standing in front of her, and that made me love her more. She loved me despite the knowledge of how far I went for her love, for her safety.
Both of us said nothing for a while. Just drank each other in. The whole room was on fire, it seemed, with the air of reunion tinkling both of us. The bitter aftertaste of separation that lingered over us till now slowly evaporated as we looked at each other.
"It's dangerous for you to be here." She pointed out.
Of course it was. The detectives were still on guard. No one of us knew if what Graves had told Eva was out of pity or to find a loophole through her. Not only Eva's ignorance and honest reactions gave her a token out of a list of suspects, but also made her a weak link—and heavens knew how risky that could be. She had already slipped about our breakup, negating my statement.
But that couldn't stop me from coming to her. It would never.
My hands fisted on my side. For how much I loved her, every fucking thing was against us. If it weren't one thing than it was other. God knows how I had stayed sane over the last few weeks. The truth was just a simple fact. "I need you!"
She shifted on her legs, clearly aroused by my need for her. How I fucking loved her!
A soft smile touched her scowling face. "You don't have to be happy about it." She was clearly teasing me, no matter how much aroused or breathless she was.
My whole life depended on her. I needed her like crazy. Completely. And she was teasing about it.
A minor contradiction in our relationship was—from the starting, even before I realized how much she meant to me—that she wanted me, but I needed her. I couldn't function without her and she had already tried to moved on.
"It's killing me," I was too bundled up with wanting her, needing her. "Being without you. Missing you. I feel like my fucking sanity depends on you, Eva, and you want me to be happy about that?"
"Well... I'm happy about it."
Of all the things I had—my looks, money, luxurious life—she wanted my heart. She didn't love just a part of me. The whole me. Good and bad—every goddamn piece, which even I hated sometimes.
I knew I could never cover it up in words how I feel about her. But the fact that she understood it spoke volumes for me. I had all the luxuries I need, but the luxury of being trusted and believed without a single question was still anew to me.
I rubbed at my chest, over my heart. The ache that'd been in my heart since I was a child was being healed now. Just by her love.
She might've saw or felt what I was thinking as she said the thing that I wanted to hear. "I love you. I love you so much."
I needed her. Too much.
"Angel!" The keys fell from my hand as I reached to her within a few strides, tilting her head with my hands in her hair. I tilted her head up to look at her, desire and need and love and so many emotions raging inside me, shaking me. She cried, too. Her already wet eyes reddening with the new round of tears.
Wiping her tears with my thumb, I tilted her head and sealed he mouth with mine. Relief flooded through me, a thirst quenched when she moved her lips against mine. Thrusting my tongue inside her mouth, I tasted her, possessed her. The deep emptiness that prevailed over me lifted when she fisted her hands in my t-shirt, eliciting a groan from me.
Just like she always does, she gave herself to me. She let me take her, claim her. Her body fell laxly into mine, giving me control. Her one hand travelled up and yanked the cap off, thrusting her hands into my hair, fisting them. I hummed my approval and she melted further into me. The last reminders of our partition slipping away with every lush stroke of our tongues.
A son escaped her. I parted our mouths, cupping her jaw. Looking into her grey eyes—so transparent, so open to me—i spoke with utter delicacy. "Don't. It shreds me when you cry."
She had already cried tons over me—Cary had pointed out to me, but now no more. No one would separate us now. Our demons were far away from us. They cannot steal anything from us anymore.
"It's too much."
I knew that. The truth that I had killed someone, had dirty blood on my hands..."What I did—"
"Not that. How I feel about you."
A small, soft smile started playing on my lips. I rubbed her nose with mine, barely able to control my relief. My hands roamed over her warm, soft, bare arms, tracing her soft skin. A luxury I had been denied due to my decisions.
"Thank you."
I looked at her, understanding what she felt, how she felt.
Nathan had tortured her for years, and still did in her nightmares. It was a privilege for me to end her demons for her. And I understood why she frowned whole saying that. If I had been at her place, even I would feel relief that the one who had stole my innocence from me was dead. Hell, I did that, too. Even if for a second.
"God, when you left tonight...I didn't know if you'd come back...if I'd lost you—"
"I need you, too, Gideon."
"I won't apologize. I'd do it again." Her pale face when she'd learnt about still horrified me. My hands tightened, recalling that bastard, and the things he said...did... documented... "The options were restraining orders, increased security, vigilance … for the rest of your life. There was no guarantee you'd be safe unless Nathan was dead."
"You cut me off. Shut me out. You and me—"
"Forever." I said, cutting her off. I pressed my fingertips over her parted lips, feeling her warm breath over them. "It's over, Eva. Don't argue about something that's too late to change."
She brushed my hand away. "Is it over? Can we be together now, or are we still hiding our relationship from the police? Are we even in a relationship?"
That was the question I needed an answer from her. It has to be her choice. "That's what I'm here to ask you."
"If it's up to me, I'll never let you go." she said fiercely. "Never."
My hands slid down from her jaw to throat and down her arms, touching her everywhere I could, igniting my senses and my need and want for her. "I need that to be true." I agreed softly. "I was afraid you'd run...that you'd be afraid. Of me."
"Gideon, no—"
"I would never hurt you." I murmured.
She tried to bulge me forward by the waistband of my sweats. "I know that."
I knew I would never heart her... physically I could, only when I was sleeping. But damn that Nathan, who had now because a demon of my nightmare. Somehow he had found a way still to trouble us. And emotionally I'd hurt her, used her love, her trust, her jealousies against her. I had hurt her deep. No matter what my excuses were, it was still inexcusable.
I could read the same thoughts running in here mind.
"Do you?" I looked in her eyes, trying to see the truth she was hiding from me. "Letting you go would kill me, but I wouldn't hurt you to keep you."
"I don't want to go anywhere."
I breathed deeply. I was selfish enough to be giddy by that. "My lawyers will be talking to the police tomorrow, to get a feel for where things stand." She pressed her lips to mine, washing away all doubts, all miseries.
We both were trying to circle around it, but we both knew what it meant. We were agreeing to hide a murder. It scared me too, a little bit, but the other options were inextricable.
I played with her hair, asking the one question that mattered the most.
"I have to know that you can live with what I've done," I asked softly.
"I think so. Can you?"
Another wave of relief flooded me. I tackled her mouth. "I can survive anything if I have you."
