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Chapter 4

Anna sat on the edge of the bed in the little shack. Everything felt heavy and wrong. Her hands were clutched together in front of her face, as she attempted to pray to God above for strength and solace. However, her thoughts were jumbled and nothing purposeful could be made out. And Anna wasn't even sure she believed in a god anymore after her husband was taken away from her so cruelly. Now she had to marry a man she had just met in order to make it by. There seemed to be no kindness in this harsh world.

Yesterday, she had written to her sister. She hoped the letter would reach her well and that she and her husband would be willing to take her in within a year's time. If her sister and husband refused, she had no idea what she would do.

But she had a year to figure it out. A year to find a position doing something that would hopefully help her to survive.

She pulled her hands apart, her eyes falling on the small ring Lou had given her on their wedding day. It wasn't much. He had made it at the factory with some scrap metal, because he couldn't afford to buy her anything new. She had never minded. In fact, it made her love it that much more. He had made it for her.

A shuddering breath left her lips.

Carefully, she pulled the ring off her finger, her breath hitching and her chest tightening. A loud sob left her lips, when the ring no longer touched her finger's skin. Her eyes closed. Lou was never coming back. More sobs escaped, as fresh hot tears slid down her cheeks.

How was she supposed to do this?

Anna allowed herself a few more moments of crying and being within her grief. It was all encompassing and Anna wasn't sure how she would ever move forward.

After she settled down, Anna stood. She wiped the back of her cheek with her hand and went to the trunk at the edge of the bed. There was a chain inside of the trunk. It had been Lou's mother's. At times, Lou had worn it under his shirt to remember his mum. She lifted it up and put her ring on the chain, before placing the chain around her neck, hiding it beneath her top. She wasn't ready, just yet, to put this ring away. No, for now, she would still carry what little she had left of Lou.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

John was frantically trying to get everything ready, before heading into the registry office shortly. He had been able to secure the neighbor to watch Declan while he went off to marry. And the night before, he had gone to Mr. Carson, the Butler at Downton Abbey, to request the full day off. At first, Mr. Carson had been against it. But when John informed him that he would be getting married, Mr. Carson agreed.

There came a knock at the door and then John heard it being pushed open. He assumed it was the neighbor to pick up Declan. However, when he turned to look, he saw it was Mrs. Hughes.

"Ah, Mrs. Hughes, what do I owe this pleasure?" He questioned her. But Mrs. Hughes did not look amused. In fact, she appeared disappointed.

"You're getting married today?" She asked, her lips drawing into a thin line.

"I am," he simply answered. He knew this was a shocking revelation to her and likely everyone at Downton Abbey. They all knew that he hadn't been courting anyone, nor had the time to do so between his job and his son. But he and Mrs. Hughes had become dear friends over the past year. She was almost like a sister to him, always being there for him and Declan.

"You didn't come and tell me yesterday? And who, might I ask, are you going to marry?"

"You weren't there when I came last night," John explained. "Mr. Carson said you were upstairs helping Lady Grantham. And I will be marrying Anna Smith, the new widow."

A confused look covered Mrs. Hughes' features.

"The woman who lost her husband two days ago?"

"Yes," it was a modest response.

"Why?"

"She needs a home; Declan needs a mother. It's a marriage simply of convenience, Mrs. Hughes. I couldn't very well move a woman into my home without marriage. She has nowhere to go. I have no one to care for my son, at least not in a way where he gets to remain in his own home and not be passed around from neighbor to neighbor each day."

He could see that Mrs. Hughes was mulling his words over.

"You don't even know her. How do you know she'll be good with Declan?"

"I'm sure the neighbors will watch over at first. And she doesn't know me either. I have no reason to believe she's dangerous, Mrs. Hughes. I spoke with Mr. Mason and he told me how great the recommendation letter was for Mr. Smith. He was highly recommended."

"I still don't know that I like this, Mr. Bates."

"It doesn't matter if you do or do not, Mrs. Hughes. I will be marrying Mrs. Smith in just a little over an hour. You can offer me your congratulations or you cannot. Either way, it will not impede my marriage."

"It appears not," Mrs. Hughes replied, her lips still in their unrelenting line. "But if it is what you believe to be best, I will support it. I would like to meet this girl who will be around Declan."

"Of course. Next week? Give her some time to settle into this new life and to grieve for the life she lost."

"Yes, next week. Congratulations, Mr. Bates. I do hope this works out."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

She checked the sign outside of the building for the millionth time, making sure she was in the correct place. She had arrived fifteen minutes early and her body was shaking so harshly that she was struggling to stay still.

He then walked up. He was dressed nicely in his suit and tie. She glanced down at her dirty dress, the same dress she had been wearing for three days now. While she had tidied herself up, somewhat, she hadn't had the will to change her clothes.

John didn't seem to mind. He reached out his hand for Anna to take it, but she only turned and brought her hands together in front of herself.

They went inside of the building and Anna allowed John to handle the paperwork, trying not to burst into another set of tears. When John handed her the paperwork to sign, she did it quickly without allowing her to think of what it meant.

Then they were escorted into the room to be married. A heavy pressure covered her chest and she felt as though the room might suffocate her.

"I, John Bates," the register began, "Take thee, Anna May Smith, to be my wedded wife"

"I, John Bates," John copied. "Take thee, Anna May Smith, to be my wedded wife."

Anna inhaled sharply, her eyes glancing over at the corner of the wall behind John's head. She couldn't meet his eyes. None of this was right.

"I, Anna May Smith. Take thee, John Bates, to be my wedded husband" the register prompted for Anna. But her lips remained locked tightly and a lump formed in the base of her throat. "Mrs. Smith," he gently said. "You need to repeat after me."

"I can't," Anna whispered, the weight of the room crushing her.

"I, Anna May Smith," the register tried again. She closed her eyes; Lou's face filling her thoughts. She could recall their wedding day. It hadn't been much, but they had been so in love. Her eyes popped open. Right now she needed to focus on survival and needs. She would have to force herself to do this.

"I….I…, Anna M…May Smith," she finally repeated. "Take thee, John Bates…to be my wedded…hus…hus…husband"

The simple ceremony continued and Anna gasped when John's hand gently took her own and he slid a gold band over her finger. It made her heartbreak, but she didn't say a word. He was speaking more words, but her ears were ringing.

"You are now husband and wife together." Those words shattered her heart and she quickly tore her hand away from John's, stepping backwards.

"Is it over?" Anna asked him, her lips trembling.

"Yes, we can go by and pick up your things from the farm and then we will go back to the cottage, our home."

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

The walk back to Mr. Mason's farm was quiet. John attempted to ask Anna a question or two, but she never answered. He didn't want to push her, however. Today must have been very difficult for her. He couldn't imagine the pain she must be going through, but he did hope that she realized that in the end this really was the best option for the both of them.

Once they arrived at the farm, he and Mr. Mason filled up one of the carriages with the few items Anna and her husband had traveled with. It wasn't much, but it was definitely too much to carry back to the cottage.

Anna remained sitting in the carriage, waiting for them. Her glaze off in the distance; her eyes rimmed red and dry from all the tears.

Mr. Mason was kind enough to take them to the cottage. He told Anna he wished her well, but Anna didn't respond nor did she allow either of them to help her down.

"Good evening," Mr. Mason said, tipping his hat, and riding away. John glanced to Anna and then pointed to the door.

"I could make us something to eat," he offered. Again, Anna didn't speak. He pushed open the door and began grabbing the trunks that had been set right outside the cottage to place inside.

Anna only remained right outside, her arms tightened across her chest.

"Declan is at the neighbor's house. He'll be napping right now, but I will run over and get him once he's awake. For the week, he'll continue going to the neighbors' to give you time to adjust. Next week, he'll begin to stay here with you." John was filling up the space around them with words, as he finished bringing her luggage inside.

"Is my room still the room upstairs?" Anna finally spoke. He gave her a small, encouraging smile.

"Yes, it is."

Anna finally stepped inside the house and she went right up the stairs. John heard as the door opened and shut and Anna disappeared from his sight.

-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-

As soon as the door was shut behind her, Anna closed her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her body trembled. She collapsed onto the bed in front of her and curled herself up into the fetal position. She closed her eyes, tugging the chain from under her dress and tightening her hand around the ring so firmly that it pinched her skin.

"Please," she murmured, though she didn't know who she was speaking to, not anymore. "Please," now begging. "Please."

Tears and sobs ripped through her body. And she let them go, weeping into the pillows until a fitful sleep overtook her.

To be continued...

Now they are married. Will Anna warm up to John?