Chapter 15
Anna bundled up Louisa and sat her down into the pram that John had brought home a few days ago. He had been so thrilled with his surprise for Anna. He knew that she hated being cooped up at home with both of the children and that this would make it easier for her to take them on walks and into town.
The little four week old joy remained asleep and Anna smiled down at her. Louisa's hair was fair like hers and her eyes were also blue, but Anna secretly hoped they would turn hazel like her father's had been.
Today, she and Louisa were going to go down to the cemetery. The gravestone for Lou's grave had been placed a few days before, but Anna needed to wait to go when John could stay home with Declan. Anna felt that her first visit should just be with her and Louisa.
Anna pushed the pram down the road and glanced at her baby every few steps. Even though she had been her mother for four weeks now, it still seemed as though it was a dream. The sleepless nights and exhaustion felt very real, however. She was incredibly thankful for John. He had adjusted his schedule for the first month of Louisa's life to come home earlier in the evenings so that Anna could get to bed earlier. Within a few days, he would be going back to his original schedule, but now she had adjusted to two children more. It was still a challenge, but she could manage.
They arrived at the cemetery and Anna lifted Louisa from the pram, leaving it by the gate. Then Anna carried her over to the grave. She bent down with Louisa and took in a deep breath. The stone was beautiful.
Louis Miles Smith
Loving Husband and Father
Anna traced her fingers over his name and his date of birth. She had decided to add that he was a father on his stone. She felt it was important for the world to know that he had a child. He would have loved Louisa and doted on her. Anna had no doubt about that.
"Lou," Anna quietly began, "This is our daughter, Louisa." Her eyes watered, but she adjusted Louisa on her lap. "Louisa, this is your father. He would have loved you so much." Anna inhaled sharply, placing her hand against the ground. This was never how she imagined introducing Lou to his first born. But she could picture his goofy grin and the thrilled yelp that would have left his lips the moment he saw his daughter's face.
She also knew that their child would likely not be named Louisa if he was alive. While he had joked about naming all their children after him, he had other names he had liked for their children and was always asking Anna what she liked, as well.
Those names seemed to not matter the moment her little girl was placed in her arms. She knew that her baby needed to be named after Lou. It was the only part of him that she would get.
Anna heard a whimper behind her and she turned. A woman was standing at another grave, dressed in all black. Her back was to Anna, but Anna could see that she was tall with dark hair.
Standing, Anna adjusted Louisa in her arms and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She didn't know why, but Anna felt drawn to the woman by the grave. So she walked over next to her and stood.
"I'm sorry for your loss," Anna simply said, other words failing her. But she did mean them. She knew how much it hurt to lose the one you loved so dearly. The woman bristled slightly, taken aback by someone speaking to her. But as the woman turned, she saw the baby in Anna's arms and her face softened.
"Have you lost someone too?" The woman asked her.
"My husband," Anna quietly replied, she pointed over at the stone on the ground. "He passed nine months ago, he didn't even get to know we were going to have a child."
The woman frowned.
"We had a child too," the woman quietly said. "He was killed on the same day."
Anna unhappily sighed. How tragic.
"How awful," Anna murmured. "But at least you have your child to remember him by. I am so very grateful for my Louisa. I get to have a piece of Lou with me now."
The woman looked back at the little girl who had woken up and cooed as though right on queue.
"Does it really help with the hurt?" The woman questioned. "Your daughter?"
"It does," Anna replied. "Doesn't your child?"
The woman's lips fell into a thin line and she turned back to face the stone in front of her.
"I haven't really looked at him."
"Oh. Well, perhaps you should try."
"Yes," the woman agreed. "Perhaps, I should. Thank you."
And like that, the woman turned away from Anna and began her trek back to wherever she had come from. Anna bent over to brush an overgrown vine from the name on the stone and gasped. It was Matthew Crawley's grave. She had just spoken to the Lady Mary and hadn't even known it. She hoped she hadn't caused any trouble for John.
Well, she thought, Lady Mary didn't know her from Adam, so it was probably fine. And she did hope that she would go home and hold her little boy. It would be good for the both of them.
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"Ah Bates! Just the man I wanted to see," Lord Grantham said, as John walked into his room. John's eyes narrowed. He wasn't use to this type of greeting in the morning.
"Yes, m'lord, is everything alright?"
"It is," Lord Grantham assured him. "I wanted to thank your wife."
"My wife?" Now John was very confused. Lord Grantham had not ever met Anna, as far as he knew.
"Yes," Lord Grantham just continued. "She convinced Mary to live again. Mary has been with George nearly all day."
"M'lord, I'm not sure what you are talking about. How has my wife had anything to do with this?"
"They ran into each other at the cemetery yesterday. Did your wife not tell you?"
"No," John stated.
"Well, she may not have known who Mary was. Mary told us about the woman at the cemetery and the little girl she had. We knew right away it was your wife. We couldn't be more pleased by this turn in our Mary."
"I'm glad to hear it then," John sincerely stated.
"Please give Mrs. Bates our thanks and gratitude. We are in her debt.'
"I will, m'lord."
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That evening John got back to the cottage later than usual. He hoped he would find Anna awake, but was prepared for her to be already in bed. So he was glad to find her sipping on a cup of tea and rocking herself by the fire. He smiled.
"You're up late," John said, shaking off his coat and hanging it up by the door.
"Louisa just went back down. She screamed for nearly an hour."
"Oh dear," John frowned.
"It's alright," Anna lightly chuckled. "She has a decent set of lungs. I was worried she would wake up Declan, but he slept right through it."
John went to grab himself a glass of water, before he paused himself and turned back toward Anna. He decided to take the seat across from her.
"Did you speak with Lady Mary yesterday?"
Anna's cheeks flushed and she glanced down into her tea cup.
"I did," she answered, shyly. "I didn't know it was Lady Mary until after she left. I haven't gotten you in trouble, have I?" Her eyes met his and he just smiled.
"Quite the opposite. It seems your chat with her has brought her back into the land of the living. Lord Grantham wants me to give you his sincerest thanks."
Anna only shook her head.
"I didn't do anything special. I only told her how much peace Louisa brings me."
John reached his hand across and took her free hand within his own.
"Well, it was what she needed to hear."
"Then I am glad."
Louisa began to cry again and Anna's face fell. John gave her hand a squeeze and then winked at her.
"I'll run up and rock her. You enjoy your tea."
"Thank you."
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Another month passed and Anna realized that time was moving way too quickly. She glanced at the calendar and sighed. It wouldn't be long before she would be moving to America. The thought of it seemed daunting. She would have to leave John and Declan behind. She would have to travel over the ocean with a new baby. And she would have to move in to help her sister raise her many babies, a sister who she barely knew.
A shaky exhale left her lips. She realized that she didn't want to leave.
Walking down the stairs, she saw John reading a book to Declan while Louisa napped in the Moses basket beside his feet. John finished up the book and then kissed the top of Declan's head.
"I don't want you to go," Declan cried. John shook his head.
"I won't be gone but for a few days," he promised his son. "I will be back before you know it. Will you help your mama with Louisa?"
"Yes, but do you have to go?"
"I'm afraid I do."
John placed the book by the table and walked over to Anna.
"I hate leaving you with the two children so soon. Do you think you can manage?" This was the third time he had asked her this question. She laughed.
"Yes, Mr. Bates. The children and I will manage just fine. Mrs. Hughes will come by a time or two, I'm sure. Plus, we have plans to meet up with the neighbor tomorrow for a luncheon." Anna had now made friends with several of the neighbors around her. They all helped one another out. One had helped her soothe Louisa's nighttime colic.
"Good. Alright, I will be back in three days. This is a quick trip."
John walked back by his son and patted his head. Then his eyes fell to Louisa. He gave Anna a quick smile, before grabbing his luggage by the door and heading out.
Declan then came up to Anna and tugged at her hand.
"Can we make a cake?" Anna chuckled, but nodded.
"Sure."
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Anna couldn't lie. The past days without John had been challenging. Even though she was used to doing long hours alone with the two children, she hadn't realized how much she needed her wind down times with him in the evenings.
But today he would be returning. All day, she found herself looking at the clock on the wall. It was four. He was supposed to arrive at the train station at 2. Anna assumed he would go back to Downton and then unpack Lord Grantham's belongings before coming back home. Anna really thought that by now he would be back.
She shook her head. He would be here. She needed to stop staring at the clock.
Time moved forward and soon the sun was setting. She was growing more and more anxious. This was too familiar with how she had lost Lou. He hadn't come home. She tried not to show her worries to Declan as she put him down to bed that night.
"But why isn't Papa here?" Declan asked her. Anna just placed her hand on his cheek and gave him a week smile.
"He'll be here," she said. "He probably had a lot to do at Downton."
Declan sighed, but closed his eyes.
Anna rushed back downstairs and glanced out the windows. Where was he? Why hadn't he arrived?
She began to pace back and forth, nothing would calm her nerves. She kept looking at the clock. It was half past eight.
A knock came at the door.
"Thank god," Anna muttered, rushing to open it. But on the other side was not John. It was Mrs. Hughes.
"I'm afraid there has been an accident."
TBC...
Uh oh...will John be alright? More soon!
