Mako's Message: Ya know, I've tried a bunch of different versions of this. Jokes. Cryptic statements. Even some commentary on the reviews from last chapter. But I think this is gonna be it.
Okay, so, wow. Uhm...
So, I was sitting here, still riding high on how I handled Rapey McPedo, when Marcus calls up that I needed to come down right now. But it wasn't that, "You are in so much trouble" voice he uses, it was...well, it was a "you need to get down here right now" voice.
So I get up and head down the steps and Jessi is standing there in the doorway crying.
And as soon as she sees me she reaches out to me and starts crying even harder. And I'm still no good at this. I just..I'm not sensitive like that. I don't know how to handle crying girls.
But I held my arms out to her anyway and she ran over to me and started hugging me and her crying turned into full on sobbing.
I couldn't even say anything because I didn't know what was wrong. Don't get me wrong. I had a couple damn good guesses but the last thing I needed to do was say the wrong thing. And I shouldn't even know about it either way. So, I just jerked my head towards the stairs and Marcus helped me get her up to my room and sitting on my bed.
I shooed him away after that, and he seemed relieved to not be wanted. I don't blame him at all. I spent the whole trip upstairs wondering why she came to me of all people and how fast I could get Angela here.
I just sat there with her for awhile and patted her shoulder as she cried on me. Eventually she started calming down a little so I asked "What's wrong?"
And she wailed, "Nobody loves me!" and started sobbing again.
I gotta admit, that was not the answer I was expecting. I didn't even know what to say to that. Fortunately, with her sobbing like that I didn't have to say anything just then.
So, after another few minutes she calmed down enough for me to try talking again. I tried to say, "Your family loves you." Which was obviously the wrong thing to say because I didn't get any further than, "Your fam" before she screamed, "My family hates me!"
So, of course, like a dumb fuck, I asked, "What do you mean?"
So she said, "My mother left me, my father hates me, and my brother just doesn't give a shit about me. So no. my family doesn't love me."
And I said, "Well they're just assholes then and your life will be better once you're rid of them. You're a great girl, Jessi. You're funny, and sweet, and you're caring. Hell, I try to act more like you. You'll get away from your family and you'll find someone who loves you"
She'd stopped crying for the most part, but she was still sniffling, and she says, "That's what I was hoping for, and then I meet this guy online, who is nice to me, and just talks to me, and is actually interested in my life, and it turns out he's some fat pervert who wants to chain me up in his closest. Nobody is going to love me," and then she starts crying again, but she keeps going, "Every guy in my life only wants to fuck me. I really am no good to anyone except as a fuck toy!"
So, faced with that I said the only thing I could think of, "I love you." and she looked up at me and for the first time since she showed up she wasn't crying, so I kept going, "And Angela loves you. And, well, I know Dave and Marty and Todd like you." And that's when I realized she hadn't heard anything but the first part because that's when she kissed me.
Seriously kissed me. Threw her whole self into it. Almost knocked me over.
I was in no way prepared for that and I didn't have any idea what to do because the first thing that came to mind(push her off me) was NOT an option. Before I could come up with something she took her lips off mine and said, "I love you too." Then she tried to kiss me again, but I was prepared this time and I brought my hand up between us.
Jessi looked confused, which was better than crying at least, but I still had to tell her, "I'm not gay." And it looked like she was about to fly apart again so I said, "I don't mind if you are. Or bi, or whatever. I'm just...not." And it looked like that stabilized her a bit, but she was still in the danger zone, so I added, "And, isn't that what you wanted? Someone who loved you, without wanting to have sex with you?"
And then she got real still for a moment, and then she started laughing and crying at the same time. From an outside perspective, it would have been kind of interesting. Probably a textbook example of a hysterical breakdown. But sitting there witnessing it right as it was happening...it was not pretty. And I was actually on the verge of yelling for Marcus when she finally calmed down. A little.
She calmed down enough to talk.
She said, "Thank you. For everything. You've been a great friend," and she hugged me and held on for awhile. I was okay with it. I'd never admit to anyone besides Dave(who is the only one I'll let do it), but I know what it's like to just want to be held for awhile. So I did.
It was kind of awkward though since she's got a good five inches on me, but I let it go. Besides. She may be taller than me but she's still lighter than me.
Finally she picked herself up, sniffed a final time, and said, "I should go home."
I asked, "Are you sure? You could stay for awhile. Eat dinner with us."
She just sorta smiled and said, "No, my dad get's mad if I'm not home when I'm supposed to be."
I said, "Do you want a ride? I'm sure Marcus would take you."
She just shook her head and said, "No. It's okay. I think the walk will do me good." Then she paused and said, "Could I have one of your knives though?"
And I looked over at the shelf where I have a bunch of folding knives sitting on display. There's nothing particularly special about them, just knives from the shop at the mall that I thought were cool. I looked back at her and nodded then walked over to the shelf. I didn't really have to think about which one to give her. I picked it right off the shelf and tossed it to her and said, "Remember that one?"
She caught it and smiled at it and said, "'The evil blade.'"
I bought that knife when it was just me and Jessi at the mall. I picked it up and flicked it open and Jessi's eyes went wide and she said, "Oh, that is e~vil." It really wasn't anything special, six inches long with a barbed tip and halfway down the blade it turns into a saw blade. I offered to buy it for her, since despite saying it was evil looking her eyes were glowing when she looked at it. She refused then, saying she could never have something like that. I just grinned back at her and said, "Consider it an early birthday present."
She flicked the blade open, looked at it for a bit, then closed it and looked up at me, "Thank you."
Then she stood up and came over and hugged me and I said, "It's what friends are for, right?"
Then I walked her to the door and watched her walk down the street.
Marcus came up behind me and said, "You sure you should be letting her go home by herself? That sounded pretty bad."
I wanted to suit up again and follow her. I really did. But for some reason I was sure she was going to be fine. "Yeah. She needs this to clear her head."
Then he said, "You know, not every girl is Hit Girl. She may be older than you but she's still only thirteen."
I said, "She'll be fine."
And right now, I'm really, really hoping I made the right decision.
Jessi Fact: Jessi's ethnicity was actually up in the air for a very long time. I initially toyed with the idea of her being black, but that through off the "Blonde, Brunette, Redhead" concept I was going for. I briefly considered going the "White, Black, Asian" route, but I didn't want to turn this into The BK Kids Club. As I considered other possibilities (like making her Hispanic, Indian, or Middle eastern) but the more I thought about this the more I realized that if I was going to specify her ethnicity I'd have to do something with it. So after awhile, I just decided to let her default to white. But if I was pushed, I'd go with middle eastern.
