That first day, especially the first few hours, was awkward, to say the least. The two men circled each other warily like suspicious cats—or, rather like a suspicious cat and a big, friendly dog.
The first thing Levi did was unfold the fold-out bed from the couch (and it was a nice one, too, full-sized, bigger than Levi's own) and fuss over it. He stubbornly insisted on cleaning it (again. He folded out the bed and vacuumed it off every week at least.) He was a bit bemused at having to use Erwin's sheets that he'd brought, as his bed was a twin and the fold-out was full-sized, but he begrudgingly allowed it. "I'd like to wash all of your sheets if you don't mind," he grumbled.
The bed done, the two men companionably ate lunch together (cheese sandwiches and canned soup that Erwin had brought,) then Levi ordered Erwin onto the couch to watch TV while he tidied up his stuff.
"I should be helping!" Erwin protested.
"You don't know where everything goes," Levi said darkly.
There wasn't an ounce of extra room or furniture in the tiny flat so Levi made space in his own closet and dresser for Erwin's things.
"You've got the two bottom drawers," Levi said "and the right side of the closet. I'm putting all of your boxes below your shirts, OK?" Erwin nodded.
Erwin amused himself watching Jim Gaffigan on Netflix while Levi puttered about. He was pleased to hear Levi humming to himself as he meticulously arranged the new food that Erwin had brought in the cupboards
"OK, we need to go over some ground rules," Levi said. They had both been busy putting away Erwin's things. Or rather Levi had. He had insisted on re-folding everything. "Your shirts need to be ironed. How do you go to work in wrinkled shit?"
Erwin, who deeply suspected that Levi ironed his socks and underwear, shook his head. "They're fine Levi. I don't want you working for me. You're my roommate, not my wife."
Levi snorted. "You need a wife, dickhead."
Erwin put his fist on his hips. "What else?"
"Leave your shoes by the door. Keep your bath and hygiene stuff put away. Wash out the tub and the sink after you use them."
"I can do that …"
"And eat at the table! No crumbs anywhere!"
Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought.
"And stay out of my kitchen!"
"How will I eat?!"
"I'll prepare everything."
"That's you working for me, Levi."
"Tough titty, princess." Levi jutted his jaw out and Erwin gave in.
They didn't even make it through the day.
"Fuck, Erwin! I told you about your shoes!"
Erwin froze guiltily. He looked down at his shoes. "But they're clean."
Levi scowled, his hands on his hips. "They've been outside, Erwin. On the ground."
"But …"
Levi pointed at the door. "Shoes. Now."
Erwin went obediently.
"And what's this?" Levi held up a bag of chips that had been on the table. He held them with his thumb and forefinger like an unsavory science experiment.
"Doritos. Cool ranch. I closed them. I even put a clip on them."
Levi pulled open a drawer in the kitchen and extracted a large ziplock bag. "Everything goes into a bag, please. And then into the cupboard."
Oh, this was going to be a challenge.
Their schedules immediately clashed. Erwin worked noon to 8 pm and Levi worked 6 pm to 2 am. Both men frequently came in later as they each had closing duties to perform at their jobs.
But Levi got up at 5:30 and usually took a nap in the late afternoon before work. Still, he got—max—4 or 5 hours sleep. Erwin liked to linger in bed, sometimes to 10 am.
"How do you get by on so little sleep?!"
"Why do you need so much?!"
"At least I don't eat tuna four times a week!"
"It's got something in it called 'nutrients,' something you wouldn't be familiar with, potato-chip-breath!"
"At least it's not tuna breath!"
"Rose doesn't mind it!"
Rose, who was the recipient of both the tuna juice and all of the dropped potato chips, purred around their ankles.
"And I'm not the one cleaning the entire bathroom at 6:30 am!"
"Well, I'm not the one eating chips on the couch in front of the TV!"
Erwin recoiled. He hadn't known that Levi knew. Could the man smell crumbs?
"You'll upset the kittens with all this shouting!" Erwin finally said.
"You're shouting too!"
Both men immediately crossed to Rose's basket. The kittens,
three fat, fuzzy grubs, were sleeping soundly. Levi crouched and touched one of the black and white ones and it twitched. "Awww. Look at them sleep."
Erwin grinned down at them. They were insanely cute.
"Why were we fighting again?"
"Cuz you're a messy asshole." Levi ran his hand through his hair. "OK, OK. and I was being one, too. I'll wait till later to clean the bathroom," Levi grudgingly said.
"And I'll stop eating on the couch. I promise."
Levi stood. "I'm not giving up my tuna, though!"
"What are you doing here?"
Erwin was sat on his regular stool at the bar. It was Saturday. He grinned. "Now that my rent has gone way down, I've got cash. I even paid Krista back."
"So you come to bug me?"
"Yep."
"Well, I expect a tip. Don't forget to feed Rose when you get home. She needs the extra food for milk."
"I know, I know. I never do. She's gonna get fat."
"Good. She deserves it after what she had to go through. I don't know what would have happened to her if I hadn't brought her home."
Erwin suddenly looked serious. He spoke into his beer. "What are you planning on doing with the kittens?"
Levi looked gobsmacked. "Keep them, of course."
Erwin's jaw dropped. "All of them?"
"I can't choose between them! Besides, I don't know that they'd get the love they need if I give them away. What if the person got tired of their kitten and left it in an alley to starve, like Rose?!"
Erwin was touched. "That's four cats, though."
"So I'll be one of those old cat ladies. Just me and my cats …" he eyeballed Erwin, "and my tuna."
"And me."
Levi looked at him, shocked. He carefully cleaned the bar around Erwin for a bit. "You'll get tired of me. I'm surprised you haven't cut and run already," he said quietly.
Erwin shook his head firmly. "If I made it this long … assuming you'll have me, of course. I know I drive you nuts."
Levi wiped some more. "Ahh, you're not that bad."
Erwin smiled happily.
"Besides," Levi said, "I kinda like having someone there. It's … nice."
One of the benefits that Levi really enjoyed about having a roommate was that he could afford a larger variety of food. He had even started cooking. Erwin was sitting at the table devouring a huge plate of spaghetti at that moment.
"Jesus, you eat like a pig."
Erwin chewed a big mouthful and swallowed. "You know you love me."
"Yeah? How do you know? You still leave blond hairs all over my bathroom."
"You cook for me."
Levi sat down with his much smaller plate. "I cook for us, dickhead. I'm not your wife."
"But you said I needed a wife," Erwin teased.
"Yeah, yeah. Wipe your face, asshole."
Sundays, both their days off, was movie day for Erwin and Levi. They still had to maintain a semblance of their sleep schedules so as not to mess up their rhythm for work but they always made time to sit and watch on Sunday night.
Levi settled on the couch (after looking it carefully and suspiciously over for crumbs.) "Netflix or a DVD?"
"I thought we could watch Die Hard. It's on Netflix now."
"Die Hard? That's one of my Christmas movies."
Erwin laughed. "What?"
"Yeah. It counts as a Christmas film! It takes place at a Christmas party!"
"You're strange."
"True, but right. The Ref, with Denis Leary, is a Christmas film too!"
Erwin laughed. "Well, can we watch it? Die Hard, I mean. We'll save The Ref for the holidays."
"Sure. I love Alan Rickman. He's hot."
Levi and Erwin were just getting home after a Sunday afternoon of grocery shopping. Levi, who got up the stairs faster than Erwin, who had stopped in the lobby to get their mail, encountered their neighbors. Both were older women, both widows, one of whom lived in the flat next to theirs and the other who lived across the hall. They and Levi had always been friendly and he often did little odd jobs for them like fixing things or carrying packages up the steep stairs for them.
"Levi! How are you? We never seem to see you much anymore."
"Mrs. Arbogast, Mrs. Rodrigues."
"Levi, would you be a dear and come look at my parlor lamp for me? It keeps flickering."
"Of course, Mrs. A. I'll try to get by today."
"Where's that handsome boyfriend of yours?"
Levi almost dropped his groceries. He fumbled with his key. "He … He's not … We're just roommates, Mrs. Rodrigues."
"No!" Mrs. Arbogast said. "No wonder you two are so quiet at night."
"But he's so handsome and sweet! Do you know he carried all of my groceries up the other day? What a dear man."
Levi was cherry red. What, had they been listening avariciously for the headboard banging the wall? Horny old women!
Erwin appeared at that moment, slightly winded.
"There he is! Levi says you two aren't boyfriends."
Levi was gratified that Erwin seemed as blind-sided as he had been. He didn't, however, deny it, but charged congenially on. "How's your arthritis today, Mrs. R.? And has that successful son of yours called, Mrs. A.?"
Deflected, both women began chattering enthusiastically and at once. Levi hefted Erwin's bag and his own and fled into the apartment.
Erwin was sitting at the table and devouring his beloved chips while Levi began prepping supper. "You're gonna ruin your appetite."
"You know my appetite," Erwin said. "I'll be fine." He accidentally-on-purpose dropped a chip so Rose could eat it. "Papa is a worry-wart, isn't he, Rose?"
Rose crunched her chip noisily.
"You'll make her sick."
"She loves them! You love that kettle-cooked goodness as much a daddy does, don't you, Rosie?" He gave her another.
Levi's head snapped up. "So you're 'daddy' now?"
Erwin went red. "Well … we are kind of cat-daddies … together," he said quietly. Levi mulled it over, chopping carrots.
Erwin looked contemplatively over at Rose's basket. "AND cat-granddaddies, too."
"I'm too young to be a grandpa …" Levi groused.
