At the apartment, Levi sat on the couch and flipped through the channels distractedly. He was resisting the urge to clean the already pristine apartment.
He really missed Erwin. The place seemed too big without his comforting bulk and he was convinced that Rose missed him already too.
Levi had done something he'd not indulged in in a long time: bought himself some liquor. A shiny new bottle of Jack had sat on the table just calling to be opened. Levi had obliged.
Levi had sat at the table and tossed back three or four shots then moved to the couch (!) with a rocks glass. He couldn't settle on anything to watch. He wondered what Erwin was doing.
Erwin was doing a similar thing; sitting on the bed in the hotel room (his fancy hotel had put him up in their other branch in Trost.) He had picked himself up a six-pack of beer and was drinking and flipping through the channels on TV. He was bored. His training seminars didn't start till tomorrow and he missed Levi and Rose and, well, home.
He thought fondly of their apartment, how cozy and clean it was, how much he enjoyed coming home after a day at work. He thought of Levi, how far he'd come with his discomfort of having a person there. Erwin was happy. He had everything he needed. Well, almost.
Thinking of Erwin made Levi think other thoughts as well. He hesitated, instinctively glancing around for Rose. She was in her box, feeding the kittens. His hand dropped to his clothed crotch.
He massaged himself for a moment, getting hard. It felt good. He imagined Erwin doing it and his erection responded. He groaned.
He wished that Erwin was there.
What? No! He didn't want that! His face flushed with blood. What the hell was he thinking?
The shock and embarrassment consumed him for a moment and he took his hand off of his cock. It stubbornly refused to wilt. He stared down at his crotch accusingly and gulped down the rest of his drink.
The image of Erwin's huge hands wandered across his brain.
"Shit," he muttered. His hand returned without his permission, pressing, stroking. "Shit!"
Then his phone rang.
Erwin was pretty tipsy. He'd downed four beers in rapid succession, flicking through the startlingly large number of porno channels on the TV, and had opened the fifth. He stared at the very skinny blond woman with insanely large breasts on the screen and realized that he wanted something else.
Levi.
He fished around for his phone. It rang exactly once.
"Yeah?"
Levi sounded odd. Stressed.
"Is everything OK?"
A rustle, then, "Yeah, sure."
"Are you positive? You sound weird."
"Your face is weird. What are you up to?"
"Drinking! You?"
"Same." The rustling sound came again and Levi let out a long breath. Erwin frowned. What was Levi doing? Cleaning? This late?
"Y'know, if you're busy, I can—"
"No!"
"Levi?"
There was a long silence, then Levi did that odd breath thing again.
"I … like hearing your voice …" His own voice was low, husky.
Erwin got a strange thought and his cock stirred.
"Levi? Are you … are you masturbating?"
Erwin thought for several seconds that Levi wouldn't reply then a barely audible groan came down over the line. "Who says 'masturbating' …?"
Erwin went beet red. Levi was masturbating. On the phone. With him.
Erwin laid back, quietly, on the bed, his feet still on the floor. He pushed down his sweatpants and fisted his cock, sighing.
"What are you doing?" Levi asked. Erwin shivered at his deep, breathy tone.
"Guess."
"You … you sure you wanna do this?"
"Absolutely."
Another long silence, punctuated by Levi's accelerated breathing.
"Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!" he murmured. "Where's your hand?"
"You know …"
"Fuck! Tell me about your cock. Are you touching it? Is it as big as the rest of you?"
Erwin hummed.
"God, I'll bet it is. I wish I was there. I wish I could touch your ass. Jesus, you've got a nice ass …"
Erwin grinned. "You think so?"
"Yeah. So round and firm … I just wanna bite it."
Erwin jumped and his cock did too. He imagined Levi touching him, running his hands over his back and ass, squeezing, nipping. His cock throbbed. "Oh … Levi … yeah …"
Levi's breathing ratcheted up a notch. "You like that?"
Erwin loved it. This new Levi, this horny, confident Levi, made him want to be there, with him. Made him want to kneel on Levi's bed, hungry ass in the air, waiting for that cock. "Do you have any tattoos? Y'know, down there?"
Levi chuckled. "Just one. On my lower stomach, down low, left side."
"It's not another man's name is it?"
"Maybe it's a girl's"
Erwin's hand stilled. "Is it?" He was stunned at the white-hot jealousy that course through him.
Another chuckle. "Nope. It's just the Indian. Well, the name. Couldn't find anyone who could tattoo a really good picture."
"Well, you said you were in love …" His hand resumed its movement.
"Talk to me, Erwin. Tell me what you're doing."
"I'm … I've got my hand on my …"
"You can say 'cock', Erwin."
Erwin blushed even harder, though there was no one to see. He bit his lip and took a deep breath. "I've got my hand on my cock. I'm imagining you, your hand, your mouth."
Levi groaned. "Fuck …"
They were quiet for a minute, each man lost in his own thoughts, each man's hand moving.
Levi was getting close already. His hand flew and his hair was sticking to his forehead with perspiration. He squeezed his eyes shut and clung to the phone, any inhibitions gone.
"I'd suck that fucker like a lollipop," he breathed suddenly, "Your cock. Take as much as I could in my mouth, make you come, make you call out my name. Then I'd get ready to fuck you."
Erwin gasped. "Oh, god, Levi … Levi! You're gonna make me come right now."
"I wanna be inside you, Erwin. Deep in your ass. God, I'll bet you're tight!"
"Le-Levi!"
"So fucking tight. I'd hold you down, make you take every inch. Make you beg me to let you come. Make you beg me to come inside you."
Erwin's lips parted. The thought of being held down, fucked hard by the little man was just too much. "Levi … oh, god! Levi!"
He came with a cry, without warning, coming all over his sweats and the bedspread. He paused, panting into the phone, listening to Levi's grunts of pleasure. "Fuck … Erwin … fuuuuck! That was so hot. You're … I'm … !" There was a long, loud, shuddery moan.
For several long moments, they both just lay or sat, exhausted, satiated, breathing heavily.
"I can't believe we just did that," Erwin said, suddenly shy.
"Fuck, I'm a mess," Levi said.
"Hah! Me too."
There was a long, long awkward silence.
"I'm gonna go take a shower," Levi said finally.
Something was wrong. Erwin could sense it. "Yeah. I guess I should, too."
"Well … I'll talk to you later …"
"Levi?"
"Yeah?"
"That was amazing. I'm glad we did it. Thank you."
There was a noise, a huff, and the line went dead. Erwin stared at his phone, frowning.
Their phone calls were daily, but awkward after that. Erwin was happy but Levi seemed almost … angry. The mood came to a head on the last day of Erwin's trip.
"Levi, are you mad at me? Did we do something wrong, do you think?"
Silence. Erwin chewed at his lip.
"Do you regret it? Do you not really think of me that way? I … I thought we ..."
"Erwin …"
"Yes?"
"We both know …" Levi sighed heavily. "We both know it wouldn't work out."
"Do we?"
"We're just roommates. This was a trial thing."
Erwin's heart broke. "I don't feel that way!"
"You'll get tired of me! You'll get tired of my bullshit!" On his end, Levi was holding the phone so hard he was afraid he'd break it.
"I don't think it's bullshit!"
"But it is," Levi said quietly. "I'm just shit, Erwin. Broken."
"You're not! You're perfect! I don't give a damn about your OCD! It's just a thing! It's part of you, and … Levi … I think I'm falling in love with you."
The phone went dead.
Levi stood in the shower, tears running down his face. He'd scrubbed every inch of his skin till it was red and raw. He was so sorry he'd hung up on Erwin but he couldn't help it. He felt so fucking guilty. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be happy. Didn't deserve Erwin.
Why was Erwin even sticking around? Levi was a loser. Hell, he was 32 years old and worked in a bar, for christ's sake. His brain was fucking broken. He was just a shitty little man with a shitty little life and a shitty little apartment.
What was Erwin thinking? He could do so much better.
When Erwin got off the Greyhound, Levi wasn't there. He lugged his suitcase to the city bus stop and waited for the bus.
When he got home, Levi was cleaning. He'd expected as much. He left his shoes at the door, loved on Rose, and opened his suitcase on the couch.
"I'm home."
Levi grunted and kept scrubbing the window frame.
Erwin began carefully putting his things away, tossing his dirty clothes into the hamper. Levi ignored him.
Erwin crossed to the kitchen and quietly retrieved his bag of potato chips and sat down at the table. He'd bought another 12-pack of beer. He cracked one open despite it being 10 in the morning. He took a long draught and stared sadly at Levi's hunched shoulders.
Erwin drank and stared at Levi and wondered if the man was aware of how incredibly beautiful he was. He was wearing one of his white undershirts, the straps showing off his broad muscular shoulders, his tattoos standing out on his pale skin. Erwin's heart ached.
"Levi. We need to talk about this."
"Nothing to talk about."
Erwin wondered if Levi knew that he'd masturbated every night while he'd been away, thinking of him.
"There is. We need to talk about us."
"There is no 'us'."
"Do you want me to move out?"
Levi looked up, alarmed. That hadn't crossed his mind. He knew Erwin would leave, run, after a while but he didn't want him to. The thought … scared him. He stared at Erwin. "Do you want to?"
"Of course not. But if you're tired of me … if I make you this mad …"
Levi set his cloth back into the bucket of water and stripped off his dish gloves. His hands were angry, chapped.
"It's not you. It's me. You don't make me mad, this situation does."
"What situation?"
Levi spread his hands helplessly. "This thing … between us."
"Do you have no feelings for me?" Erwins voice was calm, scarily so. Levi shuddered.
"I do and that's the problem." He stared down into his wash water.
Erwin broke, his voice cracking. "We can work on it. We can get through this!"
Levi's head jerked up. "What if I can't!? I'll be like this for the rest of my life! What if … Jesus! What if I can never touch you!? What will we do? Jerk off in front of each other? That's just fucking crazy!"
"What do you think about sex? Like with a person?"
"I've had sex before, if that's what you mean," Levi said dryly.
"Then maybe we can have sex one day."
"What if I can't?" Levi sounded small, vulnerable.
Erwin set his jaw belligerently. "Then you can't."
"How can you live like that?! Erwin, you're a young man! You'd be throwing your life away with me!"
Erwin crossed his arms over his chest.
"Bullshit."
Levi's mouth dropped open. He'd never heard Erwin say a single curse word other than 'hell' and 'damn'.
For almost a minute they just stared at each other. Finally, Levi yanked his dish gloves back on and picked up his rag. "You idiot."
He went back to cleaning.
