Mako's Message: Ah. Chapter 160. This set of twenty has taken a long time, despite a seven chapter blitz. So, just a reminder that if you want the Ch160 bonus you have to qualify by the time Ch161 is posted. Not that this has inspired a flurry of reviews since the first bonus announcement around Ch12, but I've picked up a fair number of new readers lately and just want to remind them.
Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter...and i mean no slight to Pittsburgh, I just know how New Yorkers view most places that...aren't New York.
It's strange how you forget about things sometimes. Kind of like the things that you just take for granted, but not quite like that. I'm talking about the things that an outside observer would notice, but you don't even think about. Or maybe it's just that you don't realize it. Too involved in your own crap to actually see what's going on around you.
Like what your friends are going through.
Marcus had another one of those stupid grins on his face when Angela and her Mom picked me up for our sleepover before going to the cheer competition. I call it his, "Mindy is being normal" grin.
And I didn't want to spend the weekend barely talking to Angela, so I was trying to be happy and normal too, so, maybe it wasn't his usual "Mindy is being normal" grin where "normal" means "like other girls her age" but maybe this time it meant, "Mindy is being her normal self"
It didn't really help though. We did everything we'd normally do, but there was a hole we couldn't ignore.
We were just laying across her bed, listening to one of her youtube playlists, when she said two words I'd been wanting to say since the day it happened, "I'm sorry."
I didn't know what she was talking about so I asked, "Sorry about what?"
And she said, "About Jessi" and then she kinda choked and I could tell she was trying not to cry, but she kept going, "I didn't notice anything was wrong and I should have. She's been my best friend since fourth grade but I still didn't see what was happening. I mean..I can even remember when it started. I can fucking remember it. I knew she was acting different I just had no idea what it meant. I thought, ya know, later, once she started getting taller and her boobs started growing, that it was puberty. That she'd gotten her period or something and that was why she'd started acting all weird. But then she'd be herself again. She'd be happy and affectionate and she'd be the same as she used to be. And when she'd get withdrawn, or sad, or angry, and just didn't want to talk, I figured it was just mood swings and shit. Ya know? But now I think she was trying to...I don't know. Force herself to be normal. To forget what was going on.
"And the way her dad was always late to pick her up, if he came at all. And how she always wanted to spend as much time out of her house as she could. And she almost never talked about her family. I figured she wasn't happy at home, but my parents treated her almost like a second daughter. If there was something wrong, like really wrong, I was sure she'd tell us.
"But I was wrong, and I didn't say anything, and I let her keep getting-"
And that's when she started crying too hard to continue.
And since she went and said all that, I decided I had something I had to confess as well, "She told me."
Angela stopped crying immediately and sat up and blinked at me. She said, "What."
And I said, "She told me her family hated her. She told me every guy in her life only wanted to fuck her and that she really wasn't anything more than a fuck toy." and then I laughed (not a "haha that's funny" laugh, a "I can't believe this is happening and I'm about to cry" laugh. And not the good kind either.) and said, "And then I let her go home."
Angela was just staring at me so I said, "Of course, I didn't realize how serious she was, or that she didn't just mean her boyfriends...but I still let her go."
And she asked, "When did she tell you this?"
And I said, "On Valentines day. After she found out about her boyfriend," and then I laughed again, and this time it was kind of a "haha that's funny laugh", except that what was funny was what felt like some sort of cosmic joke at my expense, "And right before she told me she was in love with me."
And she just starred at me, wide eyed and pale, and said, "That's not what you said in court."
So I said, "Of course it isn't. Do you think I'd really I'd say anything that might fuck up her self defense plea?"
Then she asked, "Why did you let her go?"
And I sighed because I didn't know. I remember watching her walk down the street wondering if I'd made the right decision...but I couldn't remember why I'd made that decision. So I said, "I don't know. I invited her to stay the night. I offered to have Marcus drive her home. But she insisted on walking home alone. She said it would do her some good, that she needed to think. I guess I just accepted it. A long walk on a cool night helps me."
And then Angela sat there real quietly, just looking at me, and then she said, "I don't think it would have made a difference. If she didn't tell you or Marcus what was happening then...I don't think she ever would have. So even if she stayed the night, she would have still gone home, and then...either it'd have happened anyway or she'd still be there. At least now she's getting help."
And I just shrugged and said, "Maybe" because I wasn't going to tell her that if she'd told me what was really going on I'd have killed them myself. Fuck, what I did to that fat rapist fuck hole would've just been a warm up.
And then we went back to sitting there in silence, until I noticed her smirking at me and I said "what?"
And she said, "So what were you saying about Jessi being in love with you?"
And all I could do was sit there and think "FUCK! Why did I have to mention THAT?"
But Angela wouldn't let it go, so I told her about how I'd said that I love her, and she took it the wrong way and kissed me.
And Angela pumped a fist in the air and cried, "I knew it! I knew she had a thing for you!" and then she was in full gossip mode, "Did you kiss her back? What did you say?"
And I didn't want to talk about it, but Angela was smiling and her old self again, and, I thought, "If she's like this even for a little bit, it'll be worth it."
So I told her about letting her kiss me, and stopping her before she could do it again, and telling her that I didn't mean I loved her that way. Angela actually "aww"'d in disappointment at that. I didn't tell her about her hysterical breakdown after that though.
Then she asked if Jessi had called me yet. I told her she hadn't then asked is she'd called her. She hadn't, so we started thinking up reason's why. We finally decided that she was just having so much fun in Pittsburgh that she'd forgotten all about us.
We managed to keep our faces straight for about ten seconds before we burst out laughing because, I mean, c'mon, it's Pittsburgh.
And from there we actually managed to make it seem like a normal sleepover. Normal enough that Angela's Mom had to come in and tell us to go to sleep at least.
And it is pretty fucking late, and we do have the competition tomorrow, so I guess this is where I wrap it up for the night.
