Chapter Ten: Of Anger and Trust
Piloting Gus to get to the settlement with only its 100-km-per-hour maximum speed would add another 30 minutes to their travel time, longer if he took into account the terrain. It had been 10 minutes since they left, and Reese still hadn't said a word. Well, neither had he, for that matter, and they were usually quiet, so it was nothing new…but this was different. It wasn't awkward, just more somber. She was deeper in thought than usual, and it definitely started after their conversation that morning.
The revelation still weighed on him. Although he had somewhat calmed down since, the uneasiness at the thought of what the Geno Breaker truly is has only grown. In spite of his decision to try to live a more peaceful life, he knew that fights would always find him. He knew based on his instincts, his training, and all his experience. All he can ever remember is fighting, and all he wants to do now is to at least remember what peace felt like. Even during these past few days without any incident, he was still restless…he doesn't know how to be at peace and be constantly at the ready for a fight. This situation with the Geno Breaker is just going to add to his restlessness. How can he fight while piloting a zoid that rebels against him? A zoid that was essentially a piece of the man who ruined his life…
He closed his eyes briefly, breaking away from where his thoughts were going before he could lose control of his anger again, or worse, lose himself in thinking about the past. He instead focused his attention to the woman sitting next to him, who still hadn't said a word. He decided to be the one to break the silence.
"Reese," he called out to her, breaking her away from her thoughts as she turned to face him. He took a second to think about how he wanted to ask her, not really used to caring about other people, let alone asking about their well-being. "Something's bothering you." He finally said, albeit bluntly, and didn't at all come out as a question like he intended.
She remained quiet for a little longer. As she remembered their deal about being transparent with him, she pushed aside her initial impulse to brush it off as nothing. A promise was a promise.
He stayed quiet as well, surprisingly showing patience as he waited for her to respond.
"I'm sorry…for what happened before." She said quietly. "I'm sorry for all the times I was your enemy."
Raven was taken aback by her apology, one he didn't think she had to make. Yes, she used to be his enemy, but so was he towards her. He certainly returned his fair share of hostility towards her, so much so that he could have killed her multiple times. If anything, he can remember many times she had tried to help him and he stubbornly never listened to her.
"Reese…" He started, but stopped as he didn't know how to respond. "You know you don't have to apologize for anything…especially not to me." He was now looking at her fully, letting Shadow take over as they continued to move, but kept his hold on the controls. "You do remember all the times I tried to kill you, right?" He lifted an eyebrow at her, his tone now slightly playful.
She couldn't help the small smile, still not used to this side of him. "Fun times," she bantered back, an amused glint in her eyes.
After years of being hostile to each other, indifferent at best, it's a wonder how they're even sitting here teasing and bantering with each other. That warm feeling in his chest was back again, making him smile at the fact that he had broken her somber mood. Although, after hearing that apology, he suspects that he was the reason for it to begin with.
"Was that about earlier?" He asked her after a moment had passed.
She hesitated at first, before giving him a small nod.
"Reese…what I said back there-", he paused, again unsure of his words, but knowing that he hadn't meant to group her with Hiltz like that. "I didn't mean it…about you and Hiltz. I know now that you're not like him...you know?" He trailed off and glanced at her, hoping she understood what he was trying to say.
"I know…" She replied quietly. "But even more so, it's…important to me…that you know that I'm not your enemy…" she started, her words reflecting her inner struggle of opening up to someone.
"Raven…I want you to know that you can trust me," she finally said, looking him straight in the eye. She felt vulnerable, but she refused to look away.
Raven looked back at her, unsure what to say, and his moment of hesitation caused her to backtrack.
"But… I understand if you don't." And she truly did. She understood perfectly; to betray and to be betrayed, of having to hide yourself and of exposing others, to be pushed down and to step on others. It was a life they both knew very well.
He remained quiet, mulling over what she had just asked of him. Can he really trust her? Can he even trust at all? Truthfully, he doesn't know. But, the more he thought about it, something occurred to him.
"Is that why you haven't been trying to get in my head?" He asked her, the absence of her mind probing had been a question to him since they started travelling together.
Reese was caught off guard by the sudden question, not really expecting him to notice, let alone mention something like that. She hadn't really thought about why she stopped reading his mind. It just…didn't seem right to do so after everything they had been through. It seemed…disrespectful, invasive even. Things she hadn't really cared about before but…it's different with him now.
"I suppose so…" she answered slowly. "I mean, after everything that's happened…it just didn't feel right to go back to that."
"You mean, back to when you couldn't trust me not to try and kill you, or betray you." He more so stated rather than asked, already knowing the truth.
"More or less," she replied, giving him a smile and a small shrug to convey she no longer feels that way about him.
"So…does that mean you trust me?" He asked, genuinely curious.
She took a moment to consider the question before slowly nodding, a small, honest smile on her face.
"I do. Although…" she paused, choosing her words as she remembered what happened earlier. "I have doubts at times, when you get angry with me…" she finished hesitantly.
He looked at her, feeling guilty about lashing out and making an enemy of her that morning.
"I was just…angry. Not with you, though I did take it out on you." He looked at her again, into her eyes as he said his next words. "I'm sorry…"
He can't remember the last time he had made an apology. It came out slightly awkward, but he truly meant it. "And I'm sorry for back then, too, even though it really hasn't been that long ago…"
It was now her turn to be baffled by his apology, though she appreciated it nonetheless.
"You don't need to apologize to me either. I understand." she said reassuringly.
"You started it," he said with a shrug of his shoulder, giving her a smile before turning his attention back to the controls.
He did not quite expect the relief that followed after they cleared the air about their past. He felt lighter. It was the kind of feeling that made it easier to breathe. He felt more at ease, his anger and uneasiness momentarily forgotten. He knew she felt it, too, as she chuckled softly at him. Her smile never leaving her face even as they soon approached the settlement.
