"The Franklin Institute looks interesting, but they have limited hours," Thaddeus commented, his nose buried in a glossy brochure that he'd picked up by the hotel's front desk. "We could stop there after lunch. Any idea yet where you want to eat?"

William didn't respond. Thaddeus folded the brochure up and slipped it into his coat's inside pocket. A wall could have offered him better conversation. Ever since Thaddeus had bought the plane tickets, William had talked about nothing else but the damned woman.

"I was so scared she'd died, Dad. I can't explain why I thought she did, but until the detective called, I really thought she was."

Oh, if only Thaddeus could have been so lucky!

"You said you wanted to get postcards for your friends at school, right?"

William was scribbling away in his notebook.

"William?"

He grunted, looking up. "Sorry, Dad, can you repeat that?"

Thaddeus gritted his teeth. He'd spent half the night tossing and turning, while the other half was spent staring at the ceiling, listening to the sins.

"We're leaving in half an hour to get lunch at Moustaki's before heading to the Franklin Institute. After that, we're dropping by a shop to grab those postcards you wanted for your friends. Agreed?"

"Mm-hmm." William sat forward. "And then we're seeing my mom?"

"I suppose." By some miracle, Thaddeus didn't choke to death on his tongue trying to get the words out.


If Thaddeus had learned one thing in his almost fifty years of life, then it was that the universe genuinely hated him. There were no accidents or construction detours when driving to the woman's apartment building, nor any ambulances hurrying past or flashing police cars racing in their direction. Save for a few potholes, the ride was genuinely boring. The radio snapped between stations while William bounced in his seat. If he moved any faster, he'd jump out of his skin.

The day had passed too quickly. Neither had eaten much that afternoon. William had moved his food from one side of his plate to another, while Thaddeus had stared down at it indifferently. His stomach was still flipping hours later.

"Dad, I want you to know something."

Thaddeus' listened to the pounding of his heart in his ears. "Yes?"

"Even though I'm going to meet my mom, I'm not going to leave you or anything."

Really? Thaddeus wondered. His smile was all teeth.

The apartment building looked to be at least thirty years old, if not more than that. The fire escape was rusted, the lines in the parking lot faded. Though it was still sunny out, faded light bulbs near the front door were on.

Thaddeus parked as close to the front as he could get. Most of the cars looked to be at least five years old. A few had beaten fronts and heavy scratches that stood in stark contrast next to their paint jobs.

He could have put the car in reverse and driven away at twenty miles over the speed limit. It would have been easy, maybe even fun. Welcome to Dr. Sivana's guided tour of Philadelphia. If you want to enjoy it, be sure to strap in that seatbelt tightly!

Instead, he parked the car and slumped against the seat. So this was it. Months (hell, years) of worry all came to this.

"Are you coming in with me?" William asked. His seatbelt had been torn off before Thaddeus had even parked the car.

Thaddeus unbuckled his seat belt and unlocked the car. "Don't even think of going in there alone, young man."


The front door was unlocked. Billy had been sweating when he first reached for it. What if it was like their own apartment, where they needed a special card just to get inside the main hall? But though the door creaked when he opened it, it took little effort to push it open.

His father walked close behind him as they entered the front entrance. There was a front office door decorated with a large closed sign on one side of the hallway, a row of small metal mailboxes on the other. The elevator was straight ahead, and to its sides were rows of doors. His mother lived on the seventh floor in apartment number fourteen.

Billy pressed the elevator button. While it lit up, the glowing lights above its entrance remained on the fifth floor. Billy pressed his finger against it a few more times, each time with just a little more force.

"Stop!" His father took his arm. "The last thing we need is you breaking that thing."

"Too old for the stairs?" Billy grinned.

His dad glared at him. Sometimes Billy wondered if he had been born frowning.

When the elevator doors opened, Billy had to move out of the way to let an elderly woman out. She eyed the two momentarily before hurrying away, her hand against the wall.

"Are you ready?" his father asked.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Other than a slight whirring as it moved upwards, the elevator ride was silent. His father wouldn't meet his gaze when Billy looked at him. In his hoodie pocket, he clutched his small globe keychain. It had sat for years in a corner of his sock drawer. Some nights, when Billy couldn't fall asleep, he'd pull it out and toss it from one hand to another. The compass would bob with the movement before finally stopping at north again.

When the elevator finally stopped, Billy rushed out the doors before they were fully open.


Stop.

Thaddeus might as well have walked into an invisible wall. His leg stood outstretched, but he could not pull it up. Was this how his father felt? A light sheen of sweat dotted the back of his neck.

You shall play no part in this.

Before, the sins had been nothing more than running commentators on his life. Now Thaddeus could practically feel them gripping his body like a vice. There was a heavy weight in his legs and around his chest. His back was rigid, his eyes locked on the boy slowly receding from his vision.

Retorts danced across his tongue but never left his mouth.

Thaddeus' heart was racing.

Three knocks echoed down the hallway. Less than five seconds later, the door opened.

Thaddeus' throat was desert dry. So this was it.

He couldn't make out much of the woman who stepped outside besides her mess of chocolate brown hair and faded green T-shirt. "If you're selling popcorn, we already got some from the boys outside Klein's last week."

William paused. Thaddeus couldn't make out his expression, but he did see the boy fish around in his pocket.

"Mom, it's me, Billy," he said, holding out something. "I found my way back."

For a moment, Thaddeus was a little boy again home sick from school, surfing through bad soap operas because they didn't play cartoons on the weekdays. Thaddeus had a tunnel vision so deep that he could barely force himself to breathe.

"Oh my god." The door slammed shut with a bang that made a gunshot sound like a whisper.

The weight was still there, on his legs and tongue. William turned to face him, his eyes wide.

Just as quickly as it had closed, the door opened again. "I-I'm sorry. That was rude of me. I just didn't expect this."

"I wanted to call you, but I didn't know your number."

"Heh." She was mostly hidden by the door. "Look, I have to get ready for work. I don't know how the hell you found this address, but it would have done you good to maybe get my schedule too." She moved to close the door, but William stepped closer.

"Mom, I'm so happy to see you! I know it was my fault for getting lost at the carnival, and I'm really sorry about that. But I looked super hard for you after, and even got help when that didn't work. This is so-"

"I have to get ready for work." Merilyn's voice was hollow. Yes, she was called Merilyn. The name had suddenly escaped him, but now the word echoed through Thaddeus' skull. "Look, I know you're a kid and you probably don't understand this kind of stuff-"

Then came a man's voice. Thaddeus could not make out what he was saying, but the sound made his stomach fall all the same.

"It's just some kid selling candy bars for his school, Travis!"

William's shoulders slumped. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"No."

Right then, the earth could have opened up and swallowed the two Sivanas whole, and neither would have complained.

"Look, that came out wrong, okay? I don't know where you came from or why you're here-"

"I'm here to see you!" Suddenly William was that scared little five-year old boy who refused to look Thaddeus in the eyes. "I'm sorry I got lost! I didn't mean to! But I'm here now and we can be together again!"

So much for staying with me!

"Billy, you look like a good kid. Whoever has been looking after you obviously knows what they're doing. Believe me, I really am glad about that. But…" She stepped out, forcing William to step back with her. One hand tightly clutched the doorknob. "But there's no place for me in your life, and there never has been."

"Aren't you happy to see me?"

"Of course not. Billy, I don't know if you remember going to the police at the carnival, but I do. I saw you with them. They looked like the sort of guys who could take care of you." She released an empty laugh. "Hell, just about anyone could have done better than I could. I didn't even want you. But I was seventeen, and my dad wouldn't let me get an abortion, but he wouldn't let me raise my kid under his roof either. Your dad and I had just divorced two years prior, and I was working three jobs. You think I had time to do that and be a mom too?"

"M-mom…"

"I'm going to close the door and get ready for work. When I open it again, you better not be waiting for me." She sighed. "Go home, Billy. Please."


Billy could have set a world record with how fast he ran to the elevator. He just about ran into his father. All Billy could do was look at his shoes as he pressed the down button again and again.

When they got back to the car, the dam around his eyes broke. This was it, huh? His big moment, the one he'd been dreaming of every single night for as long as he could remember.

His father put his hand on his knee. "William, it's going to be okay."

"No it's not!" he yelled. "You know it's not!"

He could have yelled more, but the tears fell too quickly for him to focus on anything else. As a kid, his father had read him Alice in Wonderland before bed. Hadn't she cried so much that she'd almost drowned in her own tears?


He needed this.

Thaddeus bit his tongue needlessly. The sins had a point. They'd been right a lot lately, after all. Maybe they always had been.