(TRIGGER WARNING: mentions/vulgarly describes rape; if this is a sensitive topic for you, I'd refrain from reading)

So this is based off of Gravitation where Shuichi gets beaten up and raped. I kind of took a more brutal take on it, because it kind of got brushed over in canon, and I have a whole world of headcanons in my head relating Shuichi and how he was affected by it. I've edited those a lot since I made this, but nonetheless I like this one. Anyway, please enjoy safely. And as always, reviews, comments, criticism etc. is deeply appreciated! Shout out to Rin Ito for their insightful review! It made my day to hear from you, and I'm so glad you thought it was actually good XD.


It's raining. It had to be raining. Out of all the times it could've shit-stormed all over, literally rained on my parade, it had to be that moment. More like rain on my pity party; this wasn't a happy event. This was bad. This was fucked up. I couldn't stand the thought of it, but there it was, a fucking flashing red sign in my mind: it happened, it happened, it happened, and now it's all your fault.

I was raped.

And beaten. They had to wear me down so I could give in. Thanks to my stubborn attitude (unlike what they thought, I wasn't gonna give up on my career so easily), I'd not only gotten my ass forcefully pounded but also gotten my body all battered up and bloody. Oh, and you want to know the worst part?

They took pictures. Of me. Of it.

I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it; god, how I wish I could just forget it ever happened, or think of it as just an "attack", but even I'm not dumb enough not to know what they did to me. They did more than just "hurt" me.

They took something away from me.

I was already hurting enough; the rain just added insult to injury. It stung my cuts and made me hiss. I shivered violently, which hurt because all my bruises were still tender. It was so cold.

I don't wanna get up...I can't live with this.My life is over.Someone just fucking shoot me. Please. End my pain. I can't do it myself right now, so a little help would be great. No one? Anyone?

I sighed, my lungs throbbing inside of my bruised rib cage. I was in an alleyway. Someone would likely find me and try to hurt me again. I just went through hell, God knows what they'd do…..I shudder, feeling my heart pound a little harder, a throb in my chest, making it harder to breathe.
No. I can't let that happen.

I stick out a hand in front of me, using it to drag myself forward. I have to get out of here. Now.
"Hng!" It hurts to move. The concrete is harsh on my body.

I stop, out of breath, my arms weak and shaky.

I guess I should call Hiro.

I call him. I just barely manage to get the point across, mostly mumbling little bits of post-traumatic nonsense, but I think he understood.

Please, Hiro, get here. Now. I can't take it anymore.

I close my eyes, drifting off for I don't know how long, only to hear a sudden squeak of tires braking on wet concrete. I see lights.

Hiro...?

What I can see is blurry, but I hear thumping shoes on concrete, splashing, getting closer. I see his silhouette standing over me, his hair lit like a halo around his strong frame. He bends down. I finally blink the tears away, able to see him: his hair is sopping wet everywhere but the top of his head, which is covered by a helmet. His face is overcast, obscured by shadows. I squint to see the expression underneath. It's...worried? No, that doesn't seem appropriate. I think "horrified" does the trick. Yeah.

"Hey Hiro...don't look so-" I cough up a storm, struggling to speak with my throat so dry and my voice tired. "-worried...I'm okay."
"Are you sure, Shuichi? You don't look very 'okay' to me."
"Well, how do I look, then?" I say, cracking a smile. It's hard not to feel a little better with him around me, especially with him gawking like crazy.
"I gotta admit," he says, letting out quite the sigh, "you don't look so hot, buddy." We both start to laugh. It's cut short when a sharp pain in my chest sends me into a coughing fit, the laughter immediately dying down as he looks concerned again. He tries patting my back, but it only makes it hurt worse, the throb reverberating in my ribcage.
"Sorry...!" he sputters. When the coughing finally subsides, I take deep and shaky breaths, my whole body shivering in the cold, trying to find my lungs somewhere in my chest again. There's a moment of silence as my breaths grow softer and steadier.

"...You okay?" Hiro asks meekly, almost shyly. I've never really heard him talk like that, and when I have, it was at times where he felt...powerless. I laugh a little, only to remember how much it hurts, so I stop, but not before hacking a little bit.
"Well, what does it look like?" I say jokingly, trying to find some humor in the suddenly tense air that's grown around us. Suddenly it comes back to me; that dark, cold feeling of lucidity, of being exactly aware of how serious this is. It's too much to take, and I feel a shudder in my ribcage, the movement of a cry trying to escape me. I feel sick.

Please, Hiro, don't make this a big deal...just laugh it off, joke, make fun of me; anything but this...

Something in his face changes. It's a face I haven't seen on him in years. God, things were so much simpler back then. It's so...helpless. Pleading, almost. Unable to come up with an answer. His eyes are lost and scared, startlingly clear in the soft, dim light.

The bubble in my chest bursts and I don't even realize it but I'm crying and crying and I can't stop and it won't stop, god, please make it stop, it all hurts, my skin burns my lungs are on fire yet freezing, and I don't even know what to do or think or feel anymore, I don't know anything, all I know is that it hurts, it hurts, it hurts too much. I feel his strong, desperate arms around me, holding me in a death grip. I gasp at the sudden jolt, the contact with my tender scrapes and bruises, but then I cling onto him, my hands clawing at the vast landscape of his back, holding on for dear life. I'm still sobbing, still hurting, but it makes me feel more okay. More stable. Like this isn't the end of the road. like this hurt, this moment of desperation, isn't all there is. There's more. It's gonna be alright.

My cries quiet down, becoming small hitches. Hiro loosens his grip on me and I start to fall, but not before he catches me.

"I'm taking you home, Shuichi."


The ride back is quiet. Everything hurts, even though I'm done crying; even sitting hurts, the contact of seat-to-ass sending pointy sharp spikes up my rear end. I kind of hover over the seat a little bit. I feel unwell mentally, of course, but physically as well; I have a headache and every part of my body is aching, especially my face, abdomen, and chest (the parts they hit the most.) There's a hole where my stomach is supposed to be, closing in on itself into nothingness. it sucks up all my guts from inside my belly, like a vacuum, leaving me empty. I feel tired. I want so, so desperately to feel angry; to get mad, throw something, and scream. But I can't get a single sound past the dry knife lodged in my throat. It chokes down my anger.

I just felt guilty instead. So, so guilty. Which is a million times worse.

The days, weeks following the...incident were the hardest part for me. I was tired, but scared; almost paranoid, really. I couldn't even shower alone. Hiro stood watch whenever I did something, to make me feel safer. God, I don't deserve him.

I wanted to explode; god how I wanted so badly to just snap and lose my shit and go crazy. But I couldn't. Instead I imploded. I started falling so deep into the cage inside myself that I got lost in the darkness. Bit by bit, I started to disappear.