Lessons I Learned from Ghost Brothers

Why are there no other famous black ghost hunting groups?

Dalen, Juwan, and Marcus are not Zak, Nick, and Aaron, even if they do sometimes seem similar, personality-wise.

Don't eat your trigger objects, even if they look delicious.

Don't run around in the dark with a knife as a trigger object… in a cramped space… on a boat…

Lockdowns don't have to last the whole night.

Give cadaver dogs their privacy while they're doing their business.

Being a barber as your day job works.

If your wife calls your cell phone in the middle of an investigation, don't hang up on her halfway through the conversation, even if she is complaining about you going ghost hunting again. Especially if the conversation involves being in the bedroom of a prostitute's ghost.

Normal Ouija boards are boring. Write big letters, "yes," and "no" on sheets of paper, set them on the floor, and use a bottle to make your own life-sized board.

New theme songs are cool.

Houses can look like they're crying.

Sometimes ghosts can actually be real-live cats.

Don't press the wrong buttons on your equipment. Or your car keys.

Some intelligent spirits can apparently be smart enough to both get a perfect SAT score and speak Mandarin.

If animals freak out in the middle of an investigation, something's up.

Sometimes, ghosts can still argue with each other in the afterlife.

Attaching cameras to RC cars is cool.

Keep your shirt on, as opposed to Juwan's tendency to take his off in the (possible) presence of female spirits. (Suggested by Spyderlynn.)

When you do make your floor Ouija Board and the spirit tells you to get to steppin'... do so. It helps to do so with an athletic leap to make it look as cool as it is smart. See also Lesson 9. (Suggested by Spyderlynn.)

If you ask a ghost to sit on the couch with you, don't freak out when she actually does and nearly kill yourself running out of the attic. (Suggested by Spyderlynn.)

If one black person says run, they all run. (Suggested by Spyderlynn, who would like to heartily agree with this and say she would probably lap that first person; of course, she is also the black person who's not going into the haunted house, so she'd be running from the truck outside, but still.)

If a cat is trying to lead you somewhere, go with it. See also Lessons 12 and 21.