It's time for another 80's throwback!
The lumpy porridge was lukewarm and watery and the bread crusts stale, but Thaddeus licked his fingers clean all the same. The wizard had come to him bearing a metal tray right when Thaddeus had seriously begun to consider eating the skin off his arms.
The wizard had watched him as he'd eaten, his scalpel sharp gaze unwavering. Though they were only a few feet apart, the bars that separated them made it seem like miles. Thaddeus had tried meeting his eyes a few times but could never look at him for more than a few seconds before turning back down to his bowl.
He should have been dead. The sins had promised Thaddeus that he was nothing but dust, a fading footnote from the legends of history.
But really, should he have been surprised? He'd long known that the universe hated him. Why would it give him even that little bit of satisfaction?
"Wizard?"
"Interloper."
Thaddeus forced his gaze upward. After a night spent tossing and turning, listening to his mind scream as knots tightened in his upper back, it was time to speak the question that had pushed sleep just beyond his reach.
"Why didn't you kill me when I first tried taking the eye?"
It couldn't have been difficult for him. All it should have taken was a quick flick of his staff. Thaddeus had imagined a bright flash of light, a sudden hot burst of pain, and then a sweet, cold darkness. A blanket of nothingness, the calm and quiet that he had long been desperately searching for but never found.
Would there have even been a body left behind? Thaddeus couldn't be sure. His half-awake visions had shifted rapidly throughout the night, jumping between each scenario so quickly that they blurred together into one long, macabre mirage. Perhaps he would have crumpled into smoldering ash. Maybe he would have dropped dead, his body cold, stiff, and still as a porcelain doll's.
Did it really matter? Either way, his father and brother would have been free of him. That was the only Christmas gift they ever could have truly wanted from him. Better yet, there would have been no accident, nothing to hold over his head.
The weight on the wizard's shoulders would have been lighter as well. With Thaddeus gone, there would be one less mosquito vying for his blood.
The wizard's eyes narrowed. "I do not answer to you."
"Why?" Thaddeus yelled. "At least answer me that!"
Why dangle the world in front of him but then deny him that one mercy when it was pulled away? Had he not even been worthy of that?
"You were not the first to fail me, Thaddeus Sivana, nor were you the last. Were I to rid your world of its failures, my halls would run red." He sighed, his shoulders slumping. "It is not my place to kill you, not now and not then. No one has that power."
Thaddeus tightened his fists. No right to kill him? The man had turned his life inside out and smashed everything he knew to be true into thousands of jagged pieces.
No right! Just how many lives had the bastard ruined? How many hospitals, prisons, and hospices had Thaddeus toured when interviewing patients? Did the wizard really expect the broken, confused husks that he had left behind to be thankful?
"You rotten-"
"Silence!" The wizard slammed the tip of his staff down, sending a cloud of dust into the air.
Thaddeus coughed. His eye was burning.
"You stand in my halls! So long as you disturb my home, I have every right to rip your tongue from your mouth." He flashed his teeth. "Do not coax me."
Thaddeus reached up to rub dirt from his eye. When he pulled his hand away, the wizard was gone. His metal bowl and tray were nowhere in sight. Leaning down, Thaddeus grabbed a large rock and threw it with every last ounce of his strength at the nearest wall. His red faced roar echoed across the stony walls.
The Sivana name held no power in Coast City. Here, Thaddeus was just another face in the crowd. And yet, when that bright eyed stranger had asked him for his name, he'd introduced himself exactly as his father had prepped him.
"Sivana," he said, holding out a hand, "Thaddeus Sivana."
His eyebrows knit together. "A bit redundant, isn't it?" He took Thaddeus' hand and gave it one quick, firm shake. Even when his arm went still, he didn't release Thaddeus from his grip. "Earl Mordecai Liebowitz the Second, at your service. Or, if you would prefer, Liebowitz Earl Mordecai Liebowitz." He winked. "Though if that's too much trouble, my friends call me Morty."
"Mordecai," he said, as if testing the name on his tongue.
"You need any help with that?" Mordecai pointed to the suitcases and backpack that Thaddeus had placed on top of his mattress. The two were sharing a bunk bed. His roommate had already taken the top.
"I can handle it."
Roosevelt Hall was a four-story red brick building on the verge of its fiftieth anniversary. Its sides were decorated with ivy. Thaddeus had been assigned to room 339, which was located firmly on the building's eastern corner. From the open window, he could see a long stretch of grass. Students, no more than ant sized specs from this distance, wandered the grounds in small groups. Beyond that, he could see more brick buildings and a curving road dotted with cars.
When Thaddeus had entered, his roommate had sat hunched over his desk. It had taken him a moment to look up from the book he'd been reading.
Mordecai had a wavy mop of dark hair and light blue eyes. He wore large, square eyeglasses with purple frames. His clothes were just as bold - baggy navy shorts, a burgundy T-shirt, and black suspenders. He was skinny as a rail from the waist up, but his legs were muscular and toned. The space above his lips and his chin were dotted with stubble.
His taste in decorations was just as eye catching. Movie posters, magazine cutouts, and ticket stubs decorated the walls. The cotton blanket spilling off the side of his bed was tie-dyed. His desk was littered with colorful markers and small trinkets - oddly shaped coins, feather key chains, and pinky-sized figurines.
Thaddeus' whole world was condensed into three suitcases and a backpack. Throughout the summer, he'd rid himself of everything he no longer used - clothes that he had outgrown, books that he could live without, odds and ends from his childhood. Even then, he hadn't had much to give up. He had always made a habit of having little, dressing plain, keeping his head down.
First, Thaddeus unpacked his clothes. A closet took up half of the wall by the door. Opening one of the folding, slat-covered doors, Thaddeus saw that it was split in half by a wooden divider. Mordecai had already taken the left side, filling it with brightly colored shirts and more pants than there were days of the week.
"So where are you from? I don't recognize your accent."
"Philadelphia," Thaddeus replied. The two plane rides - one from Philly to Chicago and another to the airport just outside of Coast City - had taken almost twenty hours.
Mordecai whistled. "Long way from home, aren't ya? What brings you all the way out here?"
Thaddeus pressed his lips together tightly. He had never been fond of idle chitchat. Just because the two were living together didn't mean that they had to be friends.
"I applied and was accepted," Thaddeus finally said.
"I mean, what's the big goal?"
"Excuse me?"
"There has to be a reason you came here. People don't do things if there isn't a purpose for it." He held a hand to his chest. "Me, I came because I was immediately accepted into their mechanical engineering department. That didn't happen everywhere I applied to. The way I see it, why wait?"
"I suppose I wanted to go somewhere different."
The truth was, Thaddeus had had a buffet of schools to pick from. He'd applied to over twenty colleges across the country, from Ivy University to Yale. At his father's behest, he'd even tried getting into Harvard. For the briefest moment, he'd even considered attending. It wasn't a bad school by any means (though why they'd accepted Sid was still beyond him), and a degree from there would have cushioned his fall wherever he landed after college. But as the fifth Sivana to attend, he'd be weighed down by ghosts. Going there also came with expectations - what to study, who to interact with, even what to do in his spare time.
In the end, he'd chosen Durant University for its renowned physics program and distance. At three-thousand miles from home, the only way Thaddeus could have gotten further from Philadelphia would be by moving to Alaska or studying in Europe.
"A good of a reason as any. You know, my parents and I moved cities when I was seven, but I've never lived anywhere besides California. I don't want to!"
Thaddeus couldn't blame him. Philadelphia was a grey city, a blur of worn brick buildings mixed with skyscrapers. Out here, the sun was bright and the colors weren't muted. People didn't walk with their shoulders hunched and faces pointed towards the ground.
"Really, you're wearing that here?"
Thaddeus stiffened. Mordecai walked towards him and held up one of the sleeves of his grey cable knit sweater.
His cheeks flushed. He hurriedly put it on a hanger and pushed it to the back of his side of the closet. "It still fits."
His commentary continued as Thaddeus unpacked further. At one point, he grabbed one of Thaddeus' bow ties and wrapped it around his head, fluffing his hair.
"You think you're hilarious, don't you?"
"I just like to keep things interesting."
Once Thaddeus had put away all his clothes and made his bed, he opened his backpack. Crammed inside were enough school supplies to hopefully last the year, from colorful highlighters to packets of graph paper. Nestled on the very top were a handful of books which he'd never had the heart to donate.
"Hey, I've read that before!" Mordecai leaned an arm over Thaddeus' shoulder, pointing straight at a worn paperback copy of The Auctioneer.
Before he could push him away, Mordecai was leaning down and digging through some of his other books. While his father had always frowned at his choice in pulp novels, they'd never raised his ire the way some of his other titles had. He had always had to keep books like Sorcery Throughout History and Man's Window Into Magic stuffed under his bed or hidden beneath neatly folded piles of socks and underwear. He probably would have kept up the habit had Mordecai not been so prying.
"Trippy stuff," he said. Taking them in his arms, he walked to Thaddeus' desk and began lining them up against the wall, their spines pointed out.
Thaddeus began pulling out notebooks, folders, and pens, until there was just enough left inside to use for class that week. The rest he stuffed on the wooden shelf hanging atop his closet.
Before hanging his backpack up, he fished out his Magic Eight ball from the front pocket. He'd taken to carrying it everywhere with him.
"Hey, I used to have one of those as a kid!"
Thaddeus hurriedly held it against his chest.
"Mine broke," Mordecai said. "It had to be thrown away." He held his hands out. "Can I see it?"
Thaddeus' jaw tightened. What right did he think he had to snoop? Didn't he have anything better to do?
Yet his shoulders loosened. The sooner he humored him, the sooner he'd grow tired of it.
"Don't drop it." Thaddeus said, pushing it into his hands.
"Are we going to have a great school year?" Mordecai shook the ball before holding it up. Turning his wrist, he held the toy out towards Thaddeus.
You may rely on it.
He shook it a few more times, though no questions left his lips. When he was done, he handed it back to Thaddeus.
"What did you ask?"
Mordecai gave a small laugh. "Wouldn't you like to know?"
"I've never had a cheeseburger before."
"What?"
Of all the things to learn about his roommate, that hadn't even crossed his list of possibilities. In the three hours since he'd arrived on campus, Thaddeus had been inundated with facts. Mordecai lived four hours southwest with his mother, stepfather, two younger sisters, and dachshund. He'd originally planned to take the pre-med track but had nixed the idea when his cousin in medical school had mentioned one of her classes took place in a morgue. Over the summer, he'd worked in a cinema selling tickets and sweeping up popcorn. In return, he gotten all the old posters he wanted and could see any show for free when his shift ended.
He spoke fast and loud, filling every space he entered. The guy could have talked paint off the walls. Yet there was something about the way he spoke, warm and assured, that kept Thaddeus listening. And he couldn't really complain. The more he spoke, the less silence that Thaddeus himself had to fill.
"I know. But hey, why not try something new?"
They were stuck between a battered Chevy truck and a VW Beetle in an O'Shaughnessy's drive through line. Though Thaddeus had been tired after his flight - sleep was an elusive commodity when situated next to a couple with a screaming toddler - he'd had too much energy (and cheap coffee) to take a nap. After unpacking, Mordecai had suggested they tour the campus. Thaddeus had agreed, if only so he could get himself situated before classes.
Mordecai walked with a straight back and long, firm steps. He waved to strangers and stopped to pet every dog they passed. More than a few times, he'd stopped some girls walking by and complimented them on their jewelry or clothes.
After they'd crossed the entire campus and circled back to their dorm, Thaddeus' stomach growled. All he'd eaten since his plane had left Philadelphia that morning were two packets of airline peanuts.
"Well," Mordecai had said, "I was going to ask you about dinner."
The two were seated in Mordecai's '67 Ford Fairlane. The exterior was black with a light blue stripe painted near the bottom. The metal was so shiny that it could double as a mirror. There wasn't a speck of dust inside. A pine tree shaped air freshener hung from the rear view mirror, but its smell was nothing more than a weak tickle against his nose. When he'd gotten inside, Mordecai had insisted Thaddeus keep his feet firmly on the mat.
Though he'd been rather nosy that day, he had at least been more than forthcoming in showing off his own things. Mordecai had shown him everything he brought with him - far more than Thaddeus himself would have been able to pack - and even given him a tour of his car. Not that there was much to see inside.
"What have you never done?" Mordecai asked. He crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back.
"More than I can list," Thaddeus replied.
"Ever cut your own hair?"
Thaddeus snorted. "Of course not."
"Then you are a smarter man than I, Sivana Thaddeus Sivana." He tapped his chin. "Have you ever gone hang gliding?"
"Hang gliding! Where the hell would I have done that?"
"You never know. And hey, my uncle sure liked it." His eyes narrowed. "What about-"
His question was cut off by a woman tapping against the window. He grabbed the side handle and rolled it down.
"Are you order sixteen?"
Mordecai grabbed his receipt from his lap and nodded.
She first handed him a cardboard container holding two milkshakes - chocolate and vanilla - and then a bag of food. The warm scent wafting from it sent Thaddeus' mouth watering. He about ripped it from Mordecai's grasp when he handed it over. Reaching in, he pulled out a handful of crinkle cut fries.
"Stop!"
Thaddeus froze, his hand hung over the half open bag.
"Put those down! Only animals eat in cars." With the way Mordecai usually talked, Thaddeus had thought he'd make one hell of a salesman. Now, he could have rivaled a drill sergeant.
He hurriedly dropped the fries back in the bag and rubbed his fingers on the enclosed napkins.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! He'd ask himself what he'd been thinking, but he quite clearly hadn't been. Now there was something he hadn't done before - at least not until now. If he'd tried this in his father or Sid's car...
For a moment, all Thaddeus could do was try and steady his breathing and focus on the soft rock music streaming in from the radio. It was only when they had pulled back out into the street that Mordecai spoke again.
"I shouldn't have snapped at you like that." His grip on the steering wheel was tight, his gaze never leaving the road. He sighed. "But this car is special. I can't have anything happen to it." Reaching across, he patted the back of the leather passenger seat.
"I'm sorry." Thaddeus' face was locked on the food in his lap.
Mordecai would never speak to him again, he realized. Not even twenty-four hours in and he'd already crossed a line. But should he really have expected anything less of himself?
"What about water skiing?"
Thaddeus blinked.
"Well, have you tried it?"
"Can't say I have."
He frowned. "Damn, I thought I had you there." His forehead wrinkled. "Ever eaten sushi?"
"Yes." It had been the highlight of one of the business dinners he'd been dragged to by his father. As long as he stood in the corner, he'd learned, and stuffed his face with raw fish, people tended to avoid him.
He grinned. "Glad to see you've done something!" He pointed towards Thaddeus. "Okay, ask me now!"
Thaddeus froze, his hand wrapped protectively around the fast food bag. His brain was blank as a freshly washed chalkboard.
"Well, go ahead."
"Ever run over an animal?" He hadn't, but the year prior Sid had wrecked his car when he'd collided with a deer.
"No, but my uncle hit a squirrel once."
"That doesn't count."
"This is all about honesty!"
They were back on campus now. Mordecai pulled into the back of the dorm's parking lot. The nearest car was six spots to the left. He parked before weaseling the paper bag from Thaddeus' grip.
"Here," he said as the two walked towards the dorm's rear entrance. Mordecai shoved a handful of fries into Thaddeus' free hand.
"Have you ever been out of state?" Thaddeus only asked once he'd finished chewing.
"Of course," he responded. "My mom's side of the family lives in Cincinnati. Besides that, we go on vacations. But that doesn't mean I'm moving."
He pulled the door open for Thaddeus, who hurried inside.
"Back to you," Mordecai said. He chewed on a fry as they walked upstairs. "Have you ever played hooky?"
"Of course not!"
His eyes widened. "Really?"
Thaddeus nodded.
"No shit?"
"Scout's honor."
He chuckled. "No wonder you've never done anything fun."
Back in their dorm room, Mordecai emptied out their bag. Thaddeus had gotten a chicken sandwich and half the fries. He took a sip of his shake.
"This better have been worth the wait." Mordecai peeled back the wrapping on his sandwich and took a small bite. His eyes widened. He quickly took another, this one larger than the first.
So this was what it took to get him to shut up!
"How is it?"
"Better than sex."
"It's that good?"
Mordecai smirked. "Well, I can't say that I've tried it yet. That's what college is for, isn't it?" He pointed to Thaddeus. "What about you?"
"No." Hell, he'd only ever kissed a girl once, and he hadn't even initiated it.
"We can change that, can't we? I mean, you're already a heart breaker."
Thaddeus gave a weak laugh. "You're quite mistaken."
"Your mom must have been bawling when you left. Mine thought four hours was a trip, and yours can't even hop in the car and come visit."
"My mother..." Thaddeus paused. "She isn't around any longer."
That had long since become his go-to answer whenever someone brought her up. How people took that statement was entirely up to them.
"Shit, Sivana, I didn't know." He rubbed at the space at the edge of his eyes with his fingers. "I'm sorry."
Thaddeus grunted.
Mordecai finished his dinner without another word.
Thaddeus had thought it might be a fluke, a simple consequence of their initial meeting, but Mordecai stuck around. The two compared their class schedules and went to the campus bookstore together to hunt for textbooks. The only two classes that they shared were a physics lecture and its corresponding lab.
The first morning of classes had been sunny with a light breeze. Thaddeus, nursing a styrofoam cup of coffee as he walked, had made an early trip across campus, Mordecai at his side.
"And you thought I wouldn't need a sweater," Thaddeus said. His teeth chattered.
"I didn't know it was going to be like this!" Mordecai had his arms wrapped around his chest.
The basement of the science building could have doubled as a walk in refrigerator. Its walls and floors were a cloudy grey. The lack of windows made the walls seem to press in against one another.
The classroom itself wasn't much better. It was an open lab space, with tables set into the walls. The only spots of color were the hard orange stools that students were sitting on and the faded green chalkboards lining the back wall.
Thaddeus looked down to his syllabus. Considering it was the first day of classes, there wasn't much for them to do beyond review lab safety tips and discuss what was going to be covered that semester.
Their T.A. was a petite junior named Eleanor Nolan. She couldn't have been more than twenty-three judging by her face, but her cats eye glasses, baggy grey sweater, ankle length black skirt, and frizzy bun added ten years to her. Her nasally voice made her sound as if she had a permanent cold.
Thaddeus flipped through the syllabus. If the lecture was anything like this, then there was nothing particularly exciting to look forward to this semester. He doubted the class would be anything but a review of eleventh grade physics.
Thaddeus rubbed his arms. If it was any colder, he would be able to see his breath.
"Do not smoke in the lab." Ms. Nolan said, her eyes narrowing. "Entering the lab unsupervised is strictly off limits."
Thaddeus had to hold back a yawn. Perhaps picking a lab that started at nine in the morning wasn't his wisest decision. He supposed it would be different if they were actually moving around and doing something. More than a few students looked as if they were nodding off.
Really, what did they need this little lecture for? This was a weed out class, after all.
They weren't even in the class for a quarter of their allotted time, but it felt like ages had passed when they were finally released. Thaddeus took his time putting his syllabus away in his folder and tucking his notebook into his backpack. Once the students standing near the back had dwindled, he walked to the row of chalkboards.
"Thaddeus Sivana," he said, holding out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
Ms. Nolan looked him over before taking his hand. It felt as if her skin had been carved from ice. "Are you going to cause any trouble this semester?"
"Wouldn't dream of it."
Her smile was quick. "I'll hold you to it." She released his hand and stepped back. "Do you have any questions?"
He shook his head. "All I wanted was to say hello. See you next week."
She nodded. "If you have any questions, my office hours are listed on the syllabus."
Mordecai was waiting for him out in the hallway. "What took you so long?"
"I was getting acquainted with our handler."
"Heh. I didn't know you were into older women."
Thaddeus shook his head. He'd long since learned that school was the one place where he didn't want to be another face in the crowd.
The two ate lunch on the grassy quad outside the library. Mordecai had made a one man game out of pointing at people and inventing fantastical backstories for them.
"You see that girl there?"
She was a sandy redhead in overalls and a light blue T-shirt lugging a rolling backpack.
"Yes?"
"I read a newspaper article about a bank robbery yesterday. Police still have no confirmed suspects. Me?" He lowered his voice, leaning closer to Thaddeus. "I bet she's got a couple thousand dollars stored in that bag."
Thaddeus rolled his eyes. He took another bite of his tuna sandwich.
His physics lecture actually covered class material, so he had something to do beside play with his thumbs. Every few minutes, he'd look to where Mordecai sat to his right and take in the new row of doodles decorating the sides of his notebook.
He had a three hour break afterwards. Mordecai only had an hour before his next class. Besides the chatter of fellow students coming in from the open window, the room was almost eerily silent. Other than the brief period where Mordecai had left at six-thirty that morning to get his morning run, this was the first time he'd been alone in their dorm room.
So this is your life, he thought, looking over the space.
When he'd woken up that morning, it had taken him a moment to remember where he was. He'd checked the electric watch hidden beneath his pillow. Even a week before, he would have been up already. It had been so alien to get to close his eyes and pull his blankets back up again.
Psychology was from four to five-thirty. The professor, Dr. Davis, was a fast-talking middle aged woman who seemed incapable of standing still. In between her lecturing, she would often ask open ended questions and call upon random students to answer them. Thaddeus was one of the few who, when called, immediately had an answer for her. More than a few times, he'd spoken when another student sat wide-eyed and close-lipped.
Tuesdays and Thursdays, he had philosophy, chemistry, and public speaking. He supposed philosophy would have been more interesting had the professor spoken in something other than a grumbling monotone. The chemistry lecture was easy enough, if rather crowded. He recognized a few faces from his physics classes.
It wasn't that Thaddeus dreaded public speaking. His hands didn't go clammy and his voice didn't shake. He'd given enough presentations in high school to know how to stand tall and project his voice. Yet whenever he stood in front of others, he couldn't help but feel as if he was a stand in for someone else. He was the poorly paid front group killing time before the main act performed. For that reason, he made a point of sitting in the very back.
He had no classes on Fridays, something that his advisor had assured him wouldn't be the case in upcoming semesters.
The first week quickly turned into the next. His days mainly consisted of studying, going to class, and eating at odd hours. Where he'd once spent hours locked in his room in total silence, Mordecai now filled the space with his commentary. Apparently, his engineering textbook was quite humorous. When he couldn't think of a quip, he played recorded piano music on his boom box.
The days soon began to merge together. The topics being discussed in class changed, but the basic outline of his days did not. Perhaps that was what made finding the slip of paper taped to his door so jarring.
It was the middle of his second week of classes. He had just gotten back from his psychology lecture and was debating whether or not to take a nap.
"SIVANA" was written across the piece of paper in large cursive handwriting. He tore the note away, opened it, and scanned the message.
Apparently a package had arrived for him that evening.
He unlocked his door and dropped his backpack onto the floor by his desk. Mordecai was gone, probably off grabbing dinner or talking to others who lived in their dorm. He had quickly learned the names of seemingly every guy on their floor.
Thaddeus hurried downstairs, the note shoved in his front pocket. When he got to the front desk, he held it out to the tired eyed R.A. manning it.
"I seem to have a package."
The R.A. handed Thaddeus a form to fill out while he went to the mail room to collect it.
For the life of him, he couldn't figure out who had sent it. Had his father found some of his remaining belongings? Or was this just a mix up? Thaddeus had never been one for browsing mail order catalogues.
He didn't open the box until he was back in his dorm room. The package was hidden beneath brown paper and tied with a thin yet sturdy rope. Something metallic jiggled as he walked. It was anyone's guess what was packed inside.
Thaddeus grabbed some scissors and cut away the rope and paper. Only when it was gone did he see the return address. Grinning, he ripped open the box.
Inside was a metal tin packed to the brim with snickerdoodles. He eagerly bit into one, savoring the rush of warm cinnamon against his tongue. As he ate, he pulled open an envelope. Inside were four five dollar bills and a note.
Thaddeus,
I about fell over when I heard you were starting college. It seems only yesterday that you were barely able to walk. I have no doubt that you will be sucessful at whatever you pursue. Use your brain, but don't forget to use your heart as well.
Fiona
Thaddeus felt his chest tighten. He stuffed the money in his wallet and left the note open on his desk. Reaching down, he grabbed another cookie.
Mordecai walked in not even a full minute later. Seeing the empty box on the floor, he hurried to Thaddeus' side.
"Are those cookies?" He grinned.
"Take some," Thaddeus said. There were probably enough inside to give one to everyone living on their floor.
Mordecai grabbed three. He took a bite.
"Mmm-mmm! Who do I have to thank for these?"
"My great aunt Fiona," he said.
"I believe fantastic aunt is a better term." He wiped crumbs from his chin.
The two spent the night snacking while they studied. Once he'd finished balancing a set of chemical equations from the class workbook and before he set to starting the night's philosophy reading, Thaddeus tore out a sheet of notebook paper and began to write a letter. He started it off by describing how school was going - the classes he was taking and little facts about his professors. Then, he discussed Mordecai, especially emphasizing his love for cookies. Thaddeus finished it off with a long thanks and one final question.
What was his aunt planning for Thanksgiving?
"Any last questions?" Thaddeus asked.
"No, I think that's enough for now. I'll be sure to review my flash cards once I get home." Marsha Wong fished her wallet from her pocket and handed him four crumpled dollar bills. "See you next week?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
By his third week on campus, Thaddeus had managed to get a steady tutoring gig helping out some of the other students in his psychology class. He earned roughly fifteen dollars a week, give or take a few ones. Considering he only put in about six hours of work a week, he was making good money without having to pack his schedule.
She waved to him before turning and heading towards the stairs. Thaddeus watched her walk away before picking his own backpack up from the floor. According to his wristwatch, it was thirty-five minutes to eleven.
"Thaddeus?"
His shoulders stiffened. "Ms. Nolan?"
This was the first time he'd ever seen her outside of the lab. Her shoulder length curly hair was loose. In lieu of her usual oversized cardigan was a light blue polo and khaki pants. Hanging from her shirt's collar was a plastic badge bearing her photo and the school logo.
"Eleanor is fine," she said. She ran a hand through her hair. "I didn't mean to startle you. It's just that I thought I saw you earlier and wanted to say hello, but you were busy."
He stood, pulling on his backpack. "I was tutoring someone." He yawned.
"Long night?"
"It isn't over yet."
"I'm afraid you'll have to get used to that." She adjusted her backpack. "Are you leaving?"
He nodded. "Why?"
"Well," she said, looking to the ground, "would you walk me to my car?"
"Sure?"
The two walked to the second floor. A girl working behind the front desk waved to them, an action Eleanor returned.
"My shift ended ten minutes ago." She unclipped the badge from her neck and stuck it into her pocket. "So how are classes going for you?"
"They're going well enough." There was still time for that to change. His first round of tests were a week away.
"Try to keep on top of everything. That's the best you can do."
The two headed straight towards a dark metal door that stood at the end of the short hallway where the bathrooms and vending machines were located. Eleanor held the door open for him.
The dimly lit parking garage smelled of oil. The air was muggy.
Right by the door was a payphone embedded into the concrete wall. Eleanor pulled two quarters from her pocket.
"I need to make a call."
Thaddeus shrugged. Maybe the night air would wake him up. As much as he needed to get a start on his philosophy paper, it wasn't due so soon to justify a late night coffee. That would just be asking to stay up until four in the morning.
Eleanor twisted the plastic phone cord as she spoke. "Papa? It's me... Don't worry, I have a friend with me. One of my students, actually... You don't need to worry..." Her forehead wrinkled. "Yes, I love you too. See you when I get home." She hung up the phone with a sigh.
"Is something wrong?"
"Just calling to check in with my father" she said. "He insists on it. That's actually why I asked you to walk out here with me. He can get paranoid." She shrugged. "You know how dads are."
Thaddeus grunted.
Her car, a scratched grey GM with a crumpled back bumper, was only parked about thirty feet from the door, directly below a bare light bulb.
"Do you need a ride to your car?" Eleanor asked as she unlocked her door.
"I don't have one. I was just going to walk back to my dorm."
She turned on her heels. "Let me give you a ride then."
"I couldn't-"
"It's not a problem."
There was no point in fighting. His eyelids felt as if they were weighed down with cement. Eleanor might have been small, but she knew how to get forceful. The week prior, she'd about bitten one of the student's heads off for playing with one of the weights.
As he headed towards the passenger seat, he noticed the back of her car was filled with scattered papers and fast food bags. The front seat, at least, was clean.
The smell hit him as soon as he opened the door. Her car was nothing but an ashtray on wheels. Bile rose in his throat and he had to swallow down a cough.
"I didn't think you were a smoker."
She frowned as she stuck the key in the ignition. "I'm not. This used to be my father's car. He quit a couple years ago, but we never could get the smell out."
She rolled down the windows before pulling out.
"Where's your dorm?"
He gave her the address before leaning his head back against the seat. The chair was worn, the sort that made a person's back hurt if he sat in it for more than half an hour. Thaddeus closed his eyes. He didn't open them again until the car pulled to a firm stop.
"Is this the right place?"
Some of the windows of his dorm glowed brightly while others were dark. It made him think of a mouth missing teeth.
"Yes." He picked up his backpack from the floor and unbuckled his seat belt. "Thanks for the ride."
"Thank you for coming with me."
"It was no trouble."
"Hey," she said just as he opened the door. "I should have your lab report graded by tomorrow morning. Do you want to pick it up during my office hours?"
"I can wait until the next class."
She nodded. She gave him a thin smile and a quick wave. Thaddeus returned both before hurrying up the front walk. Eleanor didn't pull away until he stepped through the door.
It soon settled into a habit. On Tuesday and Thursday nights, as soon as Eleanor's shift ended, the two walked to her car together. Thaddeus' tutoring sessions usually finished right around the same time. If that wasn't the case, he always had an assignment to keep him busy until she came to tap him on the shoulder.
"What are you planning to do after college?" she asked one night. The two were nearing the exit towards the parking garage.
"I still haven't decided."
He was an anomaly among his peers. Everyone he talked to seemed to know what they wanted to do with their lives - work at NASA, design bridges, open engineering firms, or work for the government - and all Thaddeus saw before him when he imagined his own future was an unending blank space. It wasn't that the professional world scared him; everyone had to make a living, didn't they? There were just so many things that he could do. What if he made the wrong choice and found himself stuck as another corporate drone like his father and brother?
"I suppose I could teach."
She smirked. "You'd really do that to yourself?"
When they stepped outside, the burst of muggy fall air was a sharp contrast to the even air conditioning that they had just left. As always, Eleanor went straight for the payphone.
"Hello, Papa? Yes, I'm fine. I'm about to head home." She paused, tightening her grip on the receiver. "I'll still be able to help you tomorrow..." Her face tightened. "You did what? How could you? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" She slammed the phone back into its hook and hurried towards her car.
All of their phone calls were short and tense, but none had ever ended so explosively. He never knew what the other half of the conversation involved, but it wasn't difficult to fill in the blanks.
"Eleanor!" He hurried towards the front of her car. She was leaning against the door, her whole body shaking like a leaf. He put a hand on her shoulder. Up until then, he hadn't realized just how small she truly was. "What happened?"
"My dad and I had a fight." That was all the two ever seemed to do.
There was a part of him that wanted to leave things half said. It would be easier for them both if he just got in the car. Instead, his grip became firmer.
"What happened?" he repeated.
"This isn't your problem." She pulled away from him, straightening her back.
"If you're having problems..." He stopped. Just what could he do, really?
She sighed, pushing strands of hair away from her eyes. "Thaddeus, you wouldn't understand." She looked as if she might say more. Instead, she pulled her key from the pocket of her skirt and unlocked the car.
She drove faster and was a little slower to hit the breaks than usual on the ride back to his dorm that night.
Find us!
Thaddeus pulled his pillow further around his ears, for all the good it actually did. If the sins were going to keep him awake with their screeching, the least they could do was find something new to say.
Most nights, Thaddeus was able to keep them at bay thanks to his roommate. If there wasn't some kind of background music on, Mordecai had a difficult time falling asleep. Before he'd gotten his boom box, he'd said that he used to keep a portable fan plugged in all night. For the last few years, he'd instead fallen asleep to the steady sound of rain pattering against a roof. Whether it was an actual recording of dreary weather or just skillfully played drums was anyone's guess. Either way, the tape had gone kaputz. Now it played nothing but a scratchy hiss for about thirty seconds before going dead silent.
He supposed it could have been worse. At least the next (or was it this?) morning was a Saturday. There were no tests or projects hanging over his head. If he wanted to, he could sleep the whole day away.
Why do you keep us waiting?
Thaddeus ground his teeth together. Just what the hell did they - ancient demons of unimaginable power - expect him to do? It wasn't as if he could throw his life away in search of them. He had to make something of himself. Scouring two-hundred year old books for a footnote that might allude to the wizard wasn't going to put food on the table.
Coming to college certainly hadn't helped with his search. For all the time he now spent in the library, he still had yet to search the stacks for something that might point him towards the wizard's whereabouts. There was simply so much else he needed to do.
But really, should he have expected them to understand? After all the sleepless nights he'd spent silently begging them to just give him a little more time, he knew for a fact that they didn't listen to him. They reminded Thaddeus of his father in that way - when told to do something, Thaddeus better do it now, his other responsibilities be damned.
Thaddeus tightened his fists. As soon as the mall opened the next morning, he was taking Mordecai straight to the electronics store, even if it meant dragging him by the ear.
Above him, mattress springs momentarily squeaked before again going still. The on and off noise had been playing in his ears all night. He couldn't be sure if Mordecai had actually fallen asleep, as he'd never been much of a snorer, or was stuck in that same dreary state of awakeness that currently gripped Thaddeus. For his friend's sake, he could only hope that it wasn't the latter.
It wasn't that Thaddeus wanted to give up on his search. Any and every time his mind turned to the wizard, his blood boiled. But all the wanting in the world couldn't change the fact that every lead he'd followed so far had hit a dead end.
If not for the handful of allusions to him that Thaddeus had found in various texts, as contradictory to each other as many of the references were, as well as the ear aching cries that sent an earthquake through his head, he might really have had reason to doubt himself. To think the wizard nothing but an illusion, a childish dream that would forever be out of his reach.
Despite the flood of assignments that forever hung over his head and the future, inevitable prospect of employment - those tithes he paid to be free of the chains of childhood - Thaddeus would find the wizard. There had to be a way back to him.
Thaddeus must have miraculously fallen into a deep sleep, because when he next came to weak sunlight was spilled across the floor and Mordecai was busy slipping on a fanny pack. He wore the same outfit every time he went for his daily jog - an oversized Coast City Clippers jersey, magenta athletic shorts that just barely his covered his ass, and a bright red sweatband. He went roughly the same time every morning, even on weekends. Hell, Mordecai could have stayed up the entire night and probably still would have gotten up to run.
Thaddeus turned in bed, leaning his head further into his pillow. There was still a chance that he could catch a few more hours of sleep.
Champion!
Well, so much for that hypothesis. Surely he could find some way to pass his morning.
Rather than slip on his shoes and hurry out the door like he usually did, Mordecai stuck around. Thaddeus could hear him shifting from one foot to the other. Then there came the sound of a drawer opening.
Thaddeus turned. He couldn't tell exactly what, but Mordecai was holding something up. His shoulders were slumped.
"Mordecai, are you okay?"
He jumped almost a foot off the ground. "Did I wake you up?" He turned, holding the object behind his back. Thaddeus caught only the faintest glimpse of it. All he knew was that it was square.
He shook his head. "I'm trying to get back to sleep. I heard you and..."
"I'm fine."
Had it been any later in the day then Thaddeus might have pressed him. Instead, he pulled his comforter back over his head and forced his eyes shut.
There was more fumbling, footsteps, the click of the door closing, and then silence.
Thaddeus.
"Shut up."
Labs always took less time than their entire allotted class period. That morning, everyone was out within ninety minutes. Thaddeus and Mordecai returned some books to the library before heading to the dining hall for lunch.
More than a few people had the same idea as they did. Thaddeus tapped his foot as he waited.
"I'm thinking of changing my major."
"What?" This was the first time Mordecai had ever mentioned such a thing.
"I thought my advisor was just trying to fill seats when she kept pushing my computer programming class at me, but I love it. The lower level coursework is the same as what I'm taking right now, so it's not like I'll be stuck here any longer." He grinned, waving his arms out like a game show host about to announce a snazzy prize. "You know, they say that computers are the way of the future."
"Who the hell says that?" Thaddeus crossed his arms. "I get a headache if I look at them for more than ten minutes."
That was probably why his father had stationed him in front of one all summer.
"They're not so bad once you get used to them. There's big money in it, too. You could afford your own car if you majored in it."
Thaddeus rolled his eyes.
The line wasn't fast, but at least it was moving forward. Calling most of what was served here food was a rather generous use of the term, but usually there was something halfway passable available. Thaddeus left with a salad and a turkey sandwich.
The two found a small, clean table in the far left corner of the dining hall and sat down.
"Thaddeus?"
He turned his head. Eleanor was standing a few feet away from them, a tray held close to her chest.
"Is it all right if I sit here?" She looked to Mordecai as she spoke.
"Of course." Thaddeus pulled a chair out.
"Tell me the bad news first," Mordecai said. "If you've come all this way to fail us, I'd like to know."
Eleanor blinked. "Excuse me?"
"That isn't why she's here," Thaddeus said, quickly filling him in on their biweekly trips.
Mordecai whistled. "And I thought I tried to be a teacher's pet."
He looked over to Eleanor. "Can you see what I'm stuck living with?"
"You wouldn't know what to do without me, Sivana Thaddeus Sivana." Mordecai grinned. "So, El, tell me about yourself."
"What's there to say? I go to class, go to work, and go home."
"I figured someone here had to lead an exciting life."
"If you wanted to have fun, you should have majored in business management."
Mordecai laughed. That was all he needed to start telling her what he'd mentioned to Thaddeus earlier.
"You should do it. My friend Janet is in the program and she loves it."
They conversed further. Thaddeus still couldn't understand how Mordecai managed to make talking to people look so easy. An outside viewer would think the two had known each other forever.
"So you were valedictorian too?" Mordecai asked.
"My dad wouldn't accept anything less of me," she replied.
"Sounds like my mom!"
Thaddeus poked at his salad.
"How long have you lived in Coast City?" Mordecai spoke.
"Ever since my father retired from the Air Force when I was nine. Before that, we were always moving."
"Sounds awful."
"I don't miss it." She looked up from her plate "That's what I'm going to do when this is all done - design planes."
"You ever tried flying one?"
"Only a simulator. I crashed the first time that I tried it. Papa never let me live that down."
Thaddeus cleaned off the last bit of soggy lettuce from his plate. Just how long had it been since he'd last said something?
"You okay?" Eleanor looked to him.
He looked at his plate as he spoke. "I've got a lot on my mind. I have two papers due this week."
"I wish I could tell you that it gets easier." She patted him on the back.
"It'll all be worth it in the end, won't it?" Mordecai asked.
"It better be," Thaddeus responded.
"Walking a girl to her car - that's your idea of foreplay?"
The two had just left their afternoon physics lecture. Even for the mid-fall, the sun was high and hot.
Thaddeus elbowed Mordecai in the side. "We aren't like that."
"All I'm trying to say is that a good fuck would really help to help loosen you up."
"It sounds like you don't need one then."
"Thanks, you're the nicest guy I know. Just don't be surprised when I'm the first of us to get bagged."
Truth be told, Thaddeus didn't see that happening any time in his future. He could still distinctly remember his first and only kiss. Considering how well that went, was there any hope for him now?
It had been a week after the end of eighth grade, a muggy night full of mosquitos. Jeannie's family was moving to New York City and she'd invited him and a small handful of her other friends over for a going away party. Thaddeus had told his father that he was spending the evening at the library.
Her house was mostly empty at that point, nothing but the scraggly remains of freshly torn wallpaper and the outline of furniture set into the carpet to suggest that anyone had ever lived there. The two sat outside on her back porch nursing cherry Kool Aids and plates of double chocolate cake. A bit of dried frosting clung to the side of her lips.
It was late enough that he should have started heading home. No doubt his father was starting to ask questions. But Thaddeus knew he had many more nights alone in his room to look forward to that summer. Why try and get another?
"Thaddeus?"
He pulled his head up. "Yes?"
"I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you too." He could count the number of other friends that he had on one hand. Seeing her empty house and that construction paper banner declaring "Goodbye, Goldmans!" had cemented the fact that she really was going to leave.
What happened next occurred so suddenly that at first Thaddeus hadn't realized what was going on. Jeannie had stood from her folding lawn chair and crossed the few feet between them, putting her arms around his shoulders and kissing him.
Once it hit him, his blood turned hot. He pressed his own face against hers. Her touch was soft and careful, like nothing he'd ever felt before, and her hair smelled like strawberries.
Despite her knobby knees and bony frame, she was a cute girl. Thaddeus had imagined scenarios like this before - daydreams of a life he never thought he'd live. Everything was at once hot and throbbing and alive and yet tinged with a sense of falseness. This too, he knew, could be another fantasy.
Stop!
Thaddeus jerked his head away, his heart racing. Sweat clung to his back.
What do you think you're doing?
"Thaddeus?" Jeannie asked. Her face was still so close to his. The scent of her shampoo was now suffocatingly strong.
He pushed his chair back. "Jeannie, I... We aren't..."
Get out!
His face was ketchup red. Despite the warm air, his blood had gone icy. His thoughts, contradictory and senseless, were coming a mile a minute. Part of him wanted to grab her and pick up where they'd left off. The rest of him wanted to melt into a puddle on the ground.
He stood. "I need to get home."
The sun was setting. The later he got home, the more his father would hound him.
"Thaddeus, please don't go yet!"
"I hope you like New York, Jeannie."
He'd run, the devils biting at his heels. What the hell had he been thinking, getting distracted like that? Letting someone that close?
The sins had been so loud. When they'd spoken, the sound of cicadas chirping and people laughing vanished. Jeannie had said something else to him before he'd left - he'd seen her lips moving - but no sound had reached his ear. Even now, his footsteps slapping against the concrete, her house receding into the distance, they roared. They'd kept him up until the next sunrise, scrawling symbols until he couldn't feel his fingers.
No, Thaddeus realized, his friend's jokes aside, nothing like that awaited him in the future. His body was already accounted for.
Midterms knocked Thaddeus to the ground before kicking him in the ribs again and again and again. Just when he thought he had a moment to catch his breath, another project or test pushed him back below the dark, churning waters of assignments.
The Monday of midterms, another care package arrived from Great Aunt Fiona. While her letters always put a skip in his step, there was nothing like getting a box full of cookies. That week, she'd sent chocolate chip. Thaddeus chewed on one as he reviewed his physics notes.
Mordecai was at the computer lab. Before he'd left for class that afternoon, he'd said not to expect him to get back until at least eight. According to his watch, it was just now reaching six.
A Chopin tape was playing in the background. He tapped his fingers lightly against his desk to the tune.
It wasn't that he was worried about passing. He could sleep through his classes and still pull off C's. Passing was never enough for him - what he needed were A's. Anything less was a blemish on his academic record.
Thaddeus was trying to calculate the velocity of a falling tree limb when the knock - three hard, successive taps - came on the door. He jolted up in his chair, his shoulders tight. He sat statue still.
The knocks came again, harder this time. They were most definitely coming from outside his room.
He hurried towards the door, pulling it open with a hard yank.
It was their R.A., a tired-eyed master's student named Tyrone Howard who always wore multicolored bow ties. Today, his was checkered and purple in color.
"Mordecai's not here."
"I'm not looking for him." Tyrone ran a hand through his short-cropped black hair. "You've got a call, Thaddeus."
He blinked. There was a private payphone near the janitor's elevators that people outside the dorm could call. More than a few nights, Tyrone had come to their door to tell Mordecai that his mother was waiting on the line for him.
"Who?"
He'd given Great Aunt Fiona the number in one of his letters. Would she even be off duty from the hospital at this hour?
"He didn't say, but he seemed pretty mad."
Thaddeus' stomach sank. He had three guesses who it was and the first two didn't count.
"I'll get to it." All the same, he took his time grabbing his keys, slipping on his shoes, and heading down the hall.
The payphone was located in a small, cramped room that smelled of cleaning supplies. He pinched his nose before picking up the phone, which lay off its handle on a small table.
"Hello?"
"Thad."
Though he'd been expecting it, the sound made his stomach churn all the same. He never should have touched those damn cookies.
"Father."
It had been almost two months since he'd last heard his father's voice. He could just imagine him perched over his desk in his home study, his fists clenched and tie askew.
"How are your studies?" He spoke in a cool, even tone. The sound of papers shuffling passed through his ears.
"They've been going well so far. It's midterms this week, so I've been quite busy." Right then, Thaddeus would have gladly given an entire speech in his underwear if it meant being anywhere else.
"Yes, yes. Have you been getting into any trouble?" His voice rose.
Thaddeus ground his teeth together. What did his father think he was doing, chugging beer and chasing skirts?
"No, Father."
"Keep it that way." He'd told Thaddeus much the same thing before he left. Heaven forbid that he so much as breathe the wrong way and risk his father's precious reputation. "I'm calling about Thanksgiving."
Thaddeus' throat went dry.
"I'll mail you a ticket home next week. Can you leave the Tuesday before or do you have classes that Wednesday?"
"I can't come home." It was a miracle that his voice didn't shake.
"What the hell do you mean?"
His back tensed. "I already have plans."
"Call up your pathetic little friends the moment you hang up and tell them you can't make it! Jesus, Thad, you can't just skip these sort of things."
"I'm not going to a friend's house." He took in a deep breath and released it when he next spoke. "Great Aunt Fiona has invited me over for dinner at her apartment. I've already accepted."
If not for his father's tight breathing, he might have thought that the line went dead.
His father's feelings on his aunt were well known. She was only twelve years his senior, more like an odd cousin than his superior. And his father always put special emphasis on just how odd she was. He'd always seemed to hope that she'd forfeit the Sivana name, that precious commodity that he hung over everyone's head, but she'd never even tried to get married. Other than some cats - just how many Thaddeus could never keep count - she lived alone. Whenever she wasn't working night shifts at the hospital, she was off jet setting to every little corner of the world. Growing up, more than a few of her postcards had decorated the walls of Thaddeus' bedroom.
It wasn't just her behavior that always put his father on edge, however. She had a soft voice but wasn't afraid to speak her mind. That usually resulted in her getting into fights. As far back as Thaddeus could remember, the two had never been on the same side of an argument.
"I didn't know how to tell her no when she invited me." Whether his father wanted to hear it or not, it was the truth.
And really, why should he have refused?
His father grunted. "Fine, go entertain the hag. But you will be home for Christmas. Do you understand me?"
"Of course, Father."
"Now do be on your best behavior."
Thaddeus tightened his fist. What did his father think he was, five?
"I will."
"Good. Do remember who's paying for all this." Without so much as a goodbye, he hung up.
Thaddeus kept his head down and tightened fists in his pockets as he headed back to his room.
"Did everything go okay?" Tyrone asked as the two passed each other.
Thaddeus could only give him a quick nod before the R.A. rounded the corner.
By the time he reached his dorm room, he could hardly see straight. Stupid fucking fucker! What right did he think he had to call him up and start barking orders from across the country?
Thaddeus slammed his door shut. Though he sat back down at his desk, he couldn't keep his gaze focused on his notebook.
That's all he'd ever be, wouldn't he? A stupid little boy who would burn the world down by playing with matches unless he had someone constantly breathing down his neck. Really, his father had thought that way for quite some time. Thaddeus was the one who'd forgotten, too caught up in that joyous distance separating them. That had been his mistake.
Far be it from him to make it again.
Thaddeus' fingers were dry and dust stained. He didn't know how long he'd spent cross-legged on the ground, pebbles digging into his skin, scrawling symbols, but it took longer than it should have. He'd been nothing but careful as he'd traced the runes into the dust, moving as if his limbs were coated in amber. Now, those seven symbols, repeated seven times, clung to the ground.
They didn't glow. The earth didn't shake. They just stared back at him like a row of mocking eyes waiting to see what he'd do next.
Thaddeus couldn't be sure what he'd expected to happen. He was already in the Rock of Eternity. It wasn't as if the symbols worked two ways. Even if they did, where might they take him?
Perhaps he'd hoped that, should they not lead him home, they could at least take him to the wizard's throne room. He'd have more room to stretch his legs there.
Thaddeus shook his head. If the wizard saw him there, it was anyone's guess what might happen to him. Forget being turned to stone - the wizard could set his bones alight. And he wouldn't be the only one potentially waiting for Thaddeus there.
The silence was still jarring. How could he have survived so long with the sins screeching in his skull? Only his shadow had ever been a more steadfast companion.
With the sins gone, he only had his own thoughts to keep him awake. Memories of a time that he couldn't bear to forget, but could so rarely bring to the forefront of his mind, now flooded him. They ate away at the hours, basking in the light after years of being pushed back into the shadows. This broken dam could not be plugged again.
With one quick swipe of his hand, he brushed the symbols away.
This chapter was pretty much all flashbacks and entirely Thaddeus focused. Believe it or not, this chapter was originally going to be ~30k words due to how much backstory needed to be covered. I decided to just break it into chunks because that seemed way too long. The next chapter will still use flashbacks, but I'll also give a lot of focus to Freddy.
As to why we're focusing so much on Thaddeus' college years... It'll all make sense later. This isn't just backstory for backstory's sake.
