I Do Not Own InuYasha


Ikigai

いきがい

"A reason for being"

'A reason to get up in the morning'

To enjoy the meaning of life - passion, purpose, something one lives for


III: 10


March 5th, 1992...

Nishimeya, Aomori, Japan...

Tomomi sometimes wondered about his little sister Rin, he didn't think she was dead; like dad and Ken'ichi seemed resigned to. He didn't feel like she could die, there were times he would dream she was alive and wild; she would battle bad guys with a katanna or kaiken, she could kick ass with a hairpin. She seemed to have taken the form of a mythic heroine or manga action girl like Tendo Akane in Ramna ½, or something. Rin was this larger than life figure in his mind's eye.

She was posed, gentle, unyielding, firm, wild, ruthless, and unpredictable, she could laugh long and hard, and cry for hurting people. Everything about Rin was different in his dreams, and it was because she was so vividly alive that he didn't think she was dead. Merely missing or put in the right time when she belonged.

He didn't think his family remembered how out of place Rin was here, she was almost lost here. There was were times when she would react in a very unusual manner to people or things happening around her, and she could say the strangest things, not kid things, just strange things at times.

Looking at the time he got out of bed, he had a test to take today which would determine his future and life really. He would be taking a test to get into Tokyo University, though his mother would probably kill him for going to Tokyo of all places.

But there was something pulling him there, he felt like if he was there, he might, just might find Rin. He wasn't hopeful that he could do it, it had been nearly eight years since she had disappeared from their home in Tokyo. But maybe, just maybe; if she knew someone was there waiting for her, Rin would appear.

There were days Tomomi half expected his baby sister to materialize before him, flash him an impish smile with a devious fox like look in her eye, give him a wink and race ahead into some chaos that only she could find. There were other days where he expected her to appear with nothing more than the grace and confidence of an empress and sip tea with him. Tomomi knew it was odd to think of these things, knew it wasn't healthy, but he could swear she was alive, and she would come home one day.

He just didn't know when that would be, and he felt the best place to await her would be Tokyo, there was just something about it that made him think she would come back.

Something was there that would bring her back to them, and when she returned their family would be whole again. And he could mercilessly torment her about Fluffy-sama which their mother had kept in pristine condition, and he would ask her about where she was and if she was here to stay.

Rin had never seemed to belong with them, or here, she was otherworldly, even as a kid.

He wondered if the remembered that aspect about Rin or if they had forgotten it with everything else because her memory was a bittersweet one.


Year 1580...

Edo, Japan...

Rin walked with Shippō, her littermate was exuberantly explaining what he had seen when he had been to the West, he had escaped over winter and made it to what Kagome called China in her era and Ming here.

"Really?"

"Hai, and they were all admiring the tail," Shippō chuckled.

"They always seem so stiff when they come to Tsuzuki Castle," she giggled as she accepted the offered sweet while they walked.

"They were really different, it was like another realm, Rin, I'm telling you they are odd people."

"Well I'm sure they say the same thing about us," she giggled.

"How are we weird!?" he demanded, straightening his pelt as his tail swished a bit.

"You ask the yōkai human and the kitsune how we're weird?" she asked blandly.

"Fair point," he sighed. "Oh, your mark is showing!" Shippō aid grabbing his tail and showing her the black tip on it.

"That's my mark!?" she sputtered.

"Hai! Only took seven years to show up but it's your mark!" Shippō grinned. "We're littermates!"

Rin laughed at his exuberance as he threw an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. "So imouto? How's it feel having an ever wise oniisan!"

"I think you exaggerate," she snorted removing herself from his grasp. "I am the wise one here, you are usually the fool tripping over your tail over a pretty onna," she teased.

"I am not!"

"Ai, Aio, Minaka, Izumi, Rukia, Orihime," she started.

"Alright! Alright!" he gasped putting his hand over her mouth as she counted off his crushes and conquests. Rin glared at him. "How do you know about them anyway!?"

She licked his palm which hand him grimacing.

"GROSS!" he groaned as he whipped his hand on his hakama. "You hang around inu yōkai too much!"

"No, I don't, and Kohaku told me," she said.

"Really?" he asked dumbly.

"Hai, after asking me to the Tanabata festival this year," she said.

"He did that!?" Shippō sputtered.

"Hai, in front of the village," she sighed. He had asked her last year too, but Sesshōmaru had actually saved her from being forced to accept. She had never been so embarrassed in her life, or put on the spot. She didn't like it, Sesshōmaru though had been the one to save her from that.

"Oh kami," Shippō grimaced.

"I said no, but a bunch of the village girls called me a yōkai slut," she sighed.

"Well, you should know, he's not infatuated with you, Rin, he thinks he's in love with you," Shippō said. "I've tried to talk him out of it because I know you don't feel that way about him, and I know you would sooner leap off a cliff than be courted; especially after the daimyō, but he's been persistent that he wants to ask for you hand, and court you."

"Sesshōmaru-sama would never approve of him, even if I did," Rin said swiftly. She could only imagine her lord's shame and horror if she fell in love with a Yōkai Taijiya or worse, mated one. That would be worse than mating a rich human.

"I know, and I've said as much, but he thinks…" Shippō trailed off.

"He won't, even if I liked him that way, I wouldn't… I don't want to marry, I don't want to leave Sesshōmaru-sama."

"So you've decided already?" Shippō asked her.

"Hai, I did," she nodded.

"But you still have years before you can decide," Shippō said.

"Hai, I know," she nodded. "But I've always known where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with, I want to stay with Sesshōmaru-sama, for as long as my mortal life will permit," she admitted.

"Do you understand what that will mean?" Shippō asked.

"Despite my youth my lord and his mother have gone to great lengths to inform me of every consequence, good and bad my choices will have," she admitted.

"I see, and are you prepared for that responsibility, you're only fourteen," he said levelly.

"I'll be fifteen at the Tanabata festival," she pointed out.

"You're still a pup," Shippō said.

"Hai, but I'm not stupid, I know that following my lord I will never have children or a family, I will be his and his to do whatever he pleases with, and I am aware of how dangerous that is," she said softly. "But I don't think I will ever find another creature I trust as completely as I trust my lord, and I don't think anyone could understand what that means to me. My life it was always his Shippō, to do whatever he pleases with, it's always been his, even when I was a baby."

"Just make sure Rin that that's what you want," Shippō said.

"I've rarely been more sure about anything in my life," she admitted.

"RIN!" a voice shouted and she turned just as Junpei appeared, which had her smiling.

"Junpei!"

"Oka-san has asked for your help making the honey candies this year with obaa-san!" Junpei said.

"And what a massive honor that is, I would be fool to refute such a request!" she giggled as she bowed just as formally to the excited seven-year-old. She like Junpei! Walking by him to head for his home she ruffled his hair before giggling, giving him a wink and running for his home.

"NO FAIR!" Junpei shouted as he chased her.

"Later Shippō!"

"See you tonight Rin!" Shippō shouted waving her off, she let Junpei catch her waist, laughing before she spun out of his grasp.

Rin was certain that when she was old enough to decide where she wanted to go in her life she would chose Sesshōmaru-sama, she didn't understand why that made people uneasy. Sesshōmaru had never been anything other than patient and kind to her since she had poured water all over his head! If he was going to kill her, that would've been the moment he did so…


Somewhere outside of Edo, Japan...

Sesshōmaru lay in the field with Rin beside him, they listened to the dying festival as they both stared up Amanagawa, he was still quietly munching on the honey candy Rin had given him. And she was year the fox mask he had given her two years ago, her sly smile was still on her lips as they both lay there.

"Sesshōmaru-sama?"

"Hm?" he hummed as he looked over at her, there were fireflies fluttering about.

"Is Amanagawa that pretty up there?" she asked with wonder.

"I will show it to you," he said simply. One day he would take her to his grandfather's domain and let her see for herself.

"Really?"

"Hai," he replied. "My grandfather, the Emperor, he has a Castle on the moon, it is called Zhēnzhū Gǎng Palace," he said.

"That sounds pretty! What's it mean?"

"Pearl Harbor," he replied.

"Why's it called that?"

"Because my grandmother is so fond of pearls my grandfather decided to create an entire harbor for her to create them, and it is viewed from the Palace, it is said to be one of the prettiest places in the Heavens," he said softly.

"Do you like it there, in the West?"

"No," he answered. Sesshōmaru had never liked his father's people, he had never found them to be welcoming or accepting, and they had insulted his mate and mother for as long as he could remember. Though he knew his mother could just smile and they would all shit themselves, his mother had that ability; and it was a skill of hers he prided himself for having obtained as well. He was also reluctant to return because of bureaucracy, though if he had to receive another one of his grandmother's minions informing him that he had a holy coronation to endure he would skewer them and send them back to his grandmother in pieces.

"Why?"

"I am my father's heir, and my grandfather's, my father's father was an emperor there, and I am his sole heir," he said. "I do not wish to be handed supreme power Rin, for to be handed it means I did not earn it. I have earned the title Inu no Taishō, though I am my mother's father's heir I had to earn the title to possess it, I have earned the rank of alpha, I have earned everything I possess," he said softly. Everything but her, he had never earned her, she just gave herself over to him, full of love and unwavering faith; he had never had to prove himself worthy in her eyes. As a pup she had worshiped him like he was a kami, like the sun and moon rose and fell at his commands, as a young onna she was respectful, but she no longer worshiped him, she still had this unwavering belief in him though. But the onna she was growing up to be, that onna was unwavering, sure of herself and placing her life and faith in his claws. He had never had to fight for her faith or her love, it was a constant she just handed him without fear or care, along with a smile and a laugh and this absolute trust which terrified him at times.

"You're an Emperor!" she gaped, he chuckled as her jaw fell open.

"You will catch the flies," he chided as he shut her mouth.

"But!"

"I have not gone nor have I accepted the titles," he said calmly. "I have no desires to be emperor for the sake of it," he said levelly.

"But that's huge!" she gasped.

"No," he shook his head.

"My lord?"

"Hm?"

"If you do become Emperor, I think you'd have earned it," she said. "You're fair, just, patient, and for the most part despite being surly well liked amongst the yōkai and human communities. You're also reasonable, and despite being arrogant and superior to everyone, you listen really well, and think problems through," she said.

He chuckled at her pointing out his flaws and his strengths. He let her be so brazen, though why was beyond him at times.

"I think you'd be the greatest emperor ever," she admitted.

"To be emperor requires bureaucracy, Rin," he said.

"I'd rather get stabbed with Bakusaiga," she decided.

"Hai, me too," he chuckled dryly.

Rin yawned loudly as she let them resume the silence, he enjoyed the honeyed candy and listened to his human as she hummed a tune about his return or victory; he wasn't sure which. Though she had no musical talent, she did possess a lovely singing voice.

When her humming trailed off he heard her breathing level out and her heart slow as she slipped into slumber. Now he propped himself up as he looked her over, the candy was still deliciously sweet on his tongue. Moving her mask off her face he saw her sleeping soundly, she only slept this deeply when she felt safe, and he was pleased she felt so safe with him. Her midnight hair spilled out into the grasses around her, and the fireflies provided a low light which made her features seem to glow softly.

Carefully he traced her cheek and marveled at the smoothness and softness, she was growing up to be so lovely and her spirit was so pure. It was humbling to be in her presence, to have her trust and love, and know she had willingly given them over to him without second guessing him. She humbled him.

Finishing the candy he got up, scooped her up and walked her back to Edo to return her to the custody of Kaede and Kagome, InuYasha met him as he entered the village.

"I wasn't expecting this," InuYasha said.

He didn't reply as he took Rin to her futon.

"You know Kagome and I won't fail her again," InuYasha said as Sesshōmaru entered Kaede's hut alone. Putting her down and tucked her in again, she wouldn't release mokomoko yet so he sat there running his claws through her hair.