Mako's Message: ...when life rains it pours.
Dave has been very...What's the right word? I guess "accommodating" is the best word. He's let me cling to him all I want since I got out of the hospital. Which was probably more than I should have since we had company. But fuck it. If Dave is letting me wrap myself around him then I'm gonna fucking do it.
Like the time we were all watching a movie and I pulled his arm around me, a threw a leg over his, and rest my head against his chest. I fell asleep during the movie so I guess that's part of why Marcus let me get away with it. Jasmin seemed to think it was cute. Kiara almost seemed jealous.
Dave seemed to be more concerned with me getting better than me groping him, so if being curled up with him made it easy for me to sleep he didn't mind if hands went places. I mean, he didn't let them STAY there⦠I didn't really try to take advantage of it that much. Mostly just hugging his arm to me and just treating him like a big teddy bear.
Delton's gotten bigger but he's still young enough that when someone made that comment he wanted to be my teddy bear. I let him, once, because why not? It wasn't the same obviously. But it was...nice in it's own way.
I stayed in and just hung out on the couch for the first day after I woke up after sleeping for like, a whole fucking day. But after that I had to start working again. I was letting myself go for WAY too fucking long before I found out what was wrong with me. I didn't notice how out of shape I was getting because everything I tried to do hurt too much before I got tired from it.
Dave has been a great training partner. He's been great at matching my endurance and pushing me when I start to reach my limit, but also stopping me from pushing too hard and hurting myself. He was super worried after I worked myself until I collapsed the first day. Obviously neither of us expected it. It pissed me off more than anything, and if Dave wasn't stopping me I probably would have worked myself to that point over and over out of spite. I still want to. Fuck that shit. I need to be the best I can be. I don't have time to waste. I need to keep doing my normal workout and push to be able to do it again as soon as possible. Then push even further.
I have to be the best I can be.
But Dave keeps reminding me that my body needs to heal from what I do to it or I'll destroy myself. And I fucking hate that I know he's right. I want to push harder than I ever have and break all my limits and come back stronger than I ever was.
But this is reality and life doesn't work like that. I have to ease myself back into it. Well, relatively speaking. I'm still working myself into a drenching sweat, I'm just making myself stop and rest before my body MAKES me stop and rest. And I'm actually resting when I do instead of just diving back into it as soon as I can stand again.
I just hate feeling so WEAK.
On the bright side, the workouts combined with the growing pains and the doctor hypothesizing that the random leg/hip pains are from a "floating nerve" that sometimes gets into places it shouldn't, like my hip joint, have made it pretty easy to talk Dave into massaging my legs. I probably didn't need to moan as loud as I did the first time he ran his hands up my leg, but I never could have guessed how good it'd feel. I don't think he believed me when I said I didn't do it on purpose, since I had to practically beg him to keep doing it, but I managed to bite back any more sounds that might have made him uncomfortable. At least uncomfortable enough to stop. I think he knew how much I was loving it. And oh boy do I have all sorts of fantasy material now.
Marcus knows what I've been getting up to while he's out with the family, not because I've told him but because he just knows me, but everybody else thinks I'm still exhausted from being sick. I can tell Marcus is annoyed by it, but it lets me get out of going out with them to do stuff. Not like I want to do "let's see New York" stuff anyway. I see New York everyday.
I'm glad Marcus doesn't try to stop me from doing my thing at times like that. I really wanted to spend New Years with Dave, but I thought I could try to make it up to him by only spending it with family. It was kinda fun. Delton was happy I was able to play with him instead of sleeping. That was kinda fun.
Kiara, of course, found me by myself sometime after midnight to ask, "So why isn't your boyfriend here?"
I think my general annoyance at Dave refusing to date me even though it's obvious we're fucking perfect for each other made my, "I don't have a boyfriend," sound like I was annoyed that I had to answer the question again. And it being true made it easy for her to believe.
She smirked and said, "Two years and still crushing on him. I don't know if I should pity you or envy you. I don't think I've been interested in a boy for more than a few months, whether I dated him or not."
I told her, "You need better taste in guys."
She snorted and said, "Like Dave's that great."
I took a moment to stop myself from telling her off for putting Dave down like that and explaining just how awesome Dave is, and instead told her to wait a moment while I pulled up a picture of Riley and showed her saying, "That's his current girlfriend."
She looked at it for a second then said, "You're joking."
"No."
She gave my phone back and said, "She is so out of his league it's a long distance call."
I couldn't help laughing, but I told her, "If anything, Dave is out of HER league."
She laughed and ruffled my hair and said, "Yeah, keep telling yourself that Min-min."
I swatted her hand away, told her to never call me that again, and went to bed.
Still, I guess it was nice seeing them all again.
Angela's been enjoying her break but still training hard. It honestly makes me happy to see she's working so hard at it. I'm still a little worried that she sees this as an extreme sport or something though.
She's also been trying to convince me to get a pair of roller blades. One of her aunts or uncles or something bought her a pair for christmas and she's really been enjoying them and wants me to go skating with her. I guess it could be fun, and maybe good exercise, but I dunno.
It pisses me off that it's barely passed 1am and I'm ready to pass out. I didn't DO anything today. I'm really gonna need to work on rebuilding my endurance.
Maybe skating with Angela would be a good idea.
