A/N: I'm so sorry for taking this long to update! Life went a little haywire for a few months there. It's balancing out now though. Thank you for the continued support and love for this! I struggled with Suze's 'voice' in this, but I think I'm a little rusty with writing in general. I'll try and make up for it. I should be writing a Halloween one-shot soon, so keep your eyes out. As always, reviews are love and thank you for reading! :) x


'You caught me staring, but I caught you staring back,' - Unknown

Chapter Four

It was with great reluctance that I tore my eyes from the unusual green of the girls I was staring in to. Our close proximity strangely filling me with warmth the ghost Anna had zapped from me the moment she had touched my arm. But the hard glare of the angry guy staring at us was too aggravating to ignore any longer. I felt an odd sense of panic as she put distance between us; my strong reaction to her leaving me more shaken and confused than I wanted either her or the glaring boy to see. It felt like my head was filled with cotton wool, all thick and full.

Maybe it was that she could see Anna that had me feeling this way? Or maybe sometimes I like to lie to myself when I don't understand something.

One look into the face of the guy looking like he would like to bury me alive woke me up though.

"Paul," the girl said in a way that sent chills down my spine. But there was something about the sound that was so familiar and comforting. I got the strongest sense of De-Ja-Vu I have ever felt - and I have had my fair share since moving to Carmel, oddly enough - when I had first laid my eyes upon her. There has to be a connection to her ability to see spirits too, surely I tried to reason with myself. It's been a very long time since I have met anyone else with the same ability as me. That's why I can't stop wanting to stare at her, to soak in every detail of the vast array of expressions criss-crossing her delicate and flushed face.

"What is going on? And who is this? Suze," this Paul guy said again, the girls name on his lips sounding like a possession and an unspoken warning that instantly made my selfish thoughts dissolve as I frowned, wanting to take a protective step in front of this - Sooze? I don't know who he is to her and I told myself I don't care; a person should never try to gain control of someone like the way he was provoking her. His arm outstretched towards her, summoning rather than beckoning. She was yet to move from the spot she stopped in once putting distance between us though.

I dared not look at her in-case I couldn't look away.

"I felt lightheaded and sick, I just needed some space. He - " I saw her gesture to me out the corner of my eye, her voice softening as she mentioned me, not knowing my name or really what I'd been doing to have gotten us here in this strange and a little unsettling predicament. This as it turned out, was trying to see to Anna without anyone noticing. " - was just helping me out when - when you arrived. I'm fine now; let's go back to the tour. Thank you . . ." she stopped in front of me as she moved towards Paul, her green eyes wide and hopeful as she looked up at me.

I felt my heart painfully thump once, and I was sure loud enough for her to hear.

"Jesse de Silva," I finished for her, filling in the blank.

Fascinated I watched as she tugged her lower lip between her teeth before meeting her eyes again, a flash of awareness raised in them before she tamped the fire out, unfortunately. My arms felt heavy where they hung at my sides because of how much I wanted to have some kind of physical contact with her. Maybe some way to reassure her and myself in some way? That's what I told myself anyway as I tried to rationalize with myself that I don't even know this girl. Or maybe I just want to see what would happen, considering just looking at her has such a profound affect on me. In-stead I took my eyes from her and met the even harder glare of Paul, a threat written clear across his face. Twisting my lips sardonically I looked away from him, just to have them instantly fall to hers again, attracted like a magnet, powerless to stop myself.

"Right, of course . . . Jesse," she breathed, her eyes growing heavy for a second as my name slipped between her full lips. I think I did a great job of not letting on how much hearing it made me shiver and suck in a breath, desperate to hear her say it again, no matter which emotion it was being based from. "Thanks for your help."

Smiling, I shrugged. "Anytime, Sooze." her name not rolling from my tongue quite as eloquently as mine had from hers, unfortunately. It felt foreign and wrong to say and I inwardly winced at the stupid move.

But it only seemed to make her laugh, her shoulders shaking slightly with the effort, the sound rich and uplifting. "It's Suze, short for Susannah. Good try though." she corrected me, her full name making a sharp pang twist my chest. I watched entranced as she turned, her soft shiny hair swinging across her shoulders as she walked to Paul and gripped his arm hard enough to no doubt leave a mark and dragged him from me, determinedly not looking back at me. He on the other hand narrowed his gaze, the cold blue shooting ice at me. I resisted the urge to give him a cheerful wave, knowing I should rise above it, but wanting to be childish all the same.

But there was something about my reaction to Susannah that I knew I wouldn't be shaking off anytime soon.

Taking a deep breath, the sounds of Clive's monotone voice echoing back to me reminding me I still have a job too, I checked my watch and went back to the school crowd. Although it had only been a few minutes that everything transpired between meeting Susannah and her walking away, it felt like a lot longer and made time seem to crawl to a stop. Taking in the junior class standing around in various states of boredom I automatically looked over them all for the familiar head of Susannah, not breathing properly until I saw her tucked away at the back with Paul, his arm tight around her waist.

Seeming to sense my gaze she looked straight back at me, a smile lighting her face for a second until she looked away again, Paul thankfully missing the exchange. After that it was pure effort on my part to not look at her constantly during the tour, almost wishing my voice would reach her only, wanting to draw her in as strongly as she somehow had me.

I'm not dumb, I'm fully aware of her visceral reaction to me back. It wasn't a one sided - attraction? Connection? Familiarity? - and Susannah knows it too. Just like I know that today will not be the end to our meetings, if I can help it. Because there is still the small factor of her seeing and being touched by Anna, a lost spirit looking for a resolution so she can move on and be at rest, wherever that may be.

Seeing spirits has been a parlour trick of mine since I was a very young boy. I'm sure it should have frightened me, seeing people my family and friends couldn't. Maybe that was my upbringing, my Abuela and Abuelo being the superstitious, spiritual people they were. Being different within my family is a blessing, not a curse. With the exception of recently, my patience wearing a little thin as I have tried my best to juggle work, college, friends and family and being a Mediator - or so I have been told is what I'm called - I haven't readily invited spirits to come to me for help.

Still I have never found the need to tell anyone of my gift, preferring to keep it to myself. It's not something that can be easily dropped into conversation, after-all, even with today's New Age acceptance. And save for one man who I met while living in Spain with my family, I haven't met anyone else with my gift . . . until today.

Oliver was a shrewd and blunt man who told me vaguely of what my gift is and what I could choose to do with it. Ignore or embrace it. I chose the latter, even at a young age. Looking back I realize now that he didn't necessarily agree with my choice. But he told me as he walked away from me for that one and only meeting, that as I get older I may be surprised by how my gift grows. I'm still yet to see what he meant by that and only every now and again do I feel the urge to look him up. I'm sure I could somehow use being able to talk to spirits to my advantage with that. But maybe my reluctance to do so is because of my recent neglect and frustration with it, not needing anymore to add to my load. Or maybe I'm unsure of how it will change my life.

Either way meeting Susannah, a fellow mediator has been like someone pulling up the shades over my life, sunlight and warmth washing over me. All those emotions, all those questions and all those strong reactions happening in minutes, stealing my breath away.

Who is she? How can I see her again? And why now?

I didn't have the answers to any of those questions. Not at the beginning of my talk on the tour and not at the end of it.

I made it through ignoring Clive's questioning looks as I stumbled my way through answering questions; brushed off the interested and keen glances from some of the girls in the class and pretended Paul's death threat glares weren't igniting my anger. Anna didn't appear again during the tour and Susannah never got close enough to me to say anything else. As soon as I was given the chance I went back to my little office next to Clive's and collapsed into my desk chair, my hands shaking from the exhaustion of trying to stay focused. I raked them through my hair, wondering what could possibly be wrong with me, other than the obvious. I've never been attracted to someone in such a strong way before.

I also have never felt such a powerful sense of - of - something, when around another person before.

"Maybe I'm finally losing my mind," I muttered to myself, collapsing forward so my elbows rested on my desk, my head in my hands. I'm a grown man, I live alone, I go to college, and I'm surrounded every day by interesting, beautiful woman. But the voice in my mind, shouting the truth reminded me I have never looked into another woman's eyes the way I looked into Susannah's. Never been pulled in so deep in an instant connection, unable to stop myself and not wanting to. I've never had a woman look up at me so much trust and hope, no matter how long I have known her.

Restlessly I threw myself back against my chair again, my head knocking against the back of it. I tried not to groan when I heard a knock at my closed door and made a non-committal sound for the person to enter instead, doing my best to not look like I was drowning in a sea of questions, doubts and confusion. It was Mrs Lampert on the other side of the door thankfully.

"A young woman left this at the front desk for you," she told me as she strolled in and passed me the folded slip of paper over the desk. She raised questioning eyebrows at me, a hint of mischief in her eyes as she turned back around and closed the door behind her.

I'm not ashamed to admit I was hoping the note would be from Susannah and opened it instantly, a rushed but efficient scrawl sloping across the torn off piece of paper.

'- Jesse,

Meet me at the Basilica cemetery at 11pm.

- Susannah'.

Gripping the paper tightly in my hand I read the words again and again, memorising them instantly as a smile grew across my face.

Eleven pm couldn't come around quick enough, I decided.

xXx

I would like to make a point for the record, that I am not a pacer. I have never found myself pacing around in tight circles that leave grooves in the dirt because I can't stay still. I am and have always been eerily calm, detached and a non-pacer. I have definitely given in to my anger on more than one occasion when trying to deal with a ghost that just needs a few punches to their face and a swift kick to the stomach. It's about as close to a strong emotional reaction anyone ever gets out of me. And only ghosts have managed that. But not once have I ever paced because of a ghost or a living person.

Until tonight.

Because that's what I found myself doing. Pacing back and forth in the old Basilica cemetery, my hands twisting together in a very not me display of nervousness. I, Suze Simon am terrified. When I dropped the note off at the receptionist in the Historical Society building today, I'm pretty sure I wasn't thinking straight. Hell, I'm still not thinking straight! Everything from the moment I walked out of that building to finding myself standing among the gravestones has just been one massive blur of colours and muffled conversations. I couldn't even tell you how I found myself getting to the cemetery. I just know that now I'm here, my feet won't stop moving as I wait for him to come.

Him . . . Jesse . . .

"Oh god," I muttered as suddenly my feet stopped and my knees threatened to buckle beneath me. If anything has been clear and precise today, it's him and my embarrassing bumping in to him. I don't even know where to begin when I think about him, what part makes my heart race faster. All of it feels like some kind of really vivid and realistic day dream. But on the other hand I feel like something deep inside the dark, numb part of me suddenly just snapped! Like . . . like an elastic band pulled too taught and suddenly breathing wasn't as easy as it used to be.

He can see ghosts; he has hair I want to run my hands through; his voice makes my heart race.

And I have a boyfriend who doesn't make me feel anywhere near the same way that Jesse apparently does with just one meeting. Who is he and why does it have to happen now?

Stumbling over to the nearest grave stone I perched on it before I gave in and sank to the damp grass I've been pacing on. I'm a rational person - mostly. I don't give in to fits of hysteria and girl screaming when a hot guy walks into the room. I'm cool, detached and as I've pointed out before, pretty emotionless to things a normal person would probably, definitely react to. I'm not even that surprised that he's a mediator. I know I probably should be, but after going sixteen years of believing I'm the only one to meeting three in a matter of months, throwing another one into the equation really hasn't fazed me all that much.

But that's why I asked him to meet me here, isn't it? Because he spoke to Anna too?

"Ha!" I barked hoarsely, because that is a big, fat, LIE. I asked him to meet me here because I want to see him again. I want to just gaze at him and listen to him talk as I feel whatever he snapped inside me unravel as he does. Maybe I should want to help Anna, and a small, very distant part of me does. But the biggest part of me just simple wants to meet the man who for reasons I don't know, feels so scarily familiar to me. I'm totally allowed to feel that way, I told myself as I stared down onto my dew covered kick-ass boots. I've had life throw one shit storm at me after another. I'm allowed to want to meet the person who makes all of that seem worth it in some strange way.

"I am," I whispered, barely audible even to my ears.

"Susannah?"

With a heart stopping jump I gasped as I shot to my feet and looked up at Jesse as he stood across from me, his face hidden in shadows where the moon had slipped behind some clouds. "You came," I said without conscious thought, blinking past the sudden moisture in my eyes. What does this guy do to me?!

"Of course!" He replied, his voice almost urgent in its understanding as he took a small step towards me. I anxiously waited to see if he'd come any closer but then he just stopped, like he was glued to the grass. "You thought I wouldn't?" he asked me, tilting his head slightly out of curiosity I guessed. I swallowed nervously, stumbling back to my seat on someone's gravestone and sat down. Did I think he wouldn't come? No, not for even a second. I knew he would. I don't know how I knew that just that I did.

"No," I simply replied, my eyes taking him in from head to toe. He was dressed in dark clothes from what I could see in-between small snatches of moonlight I got. Now I have no idea what to say to him. How to start the conversation. His face still in shadows made it hard to see his expression, so I focused on somewhere in the vicinity of his chest as the silence stretched between us a little longer. I didn't take my eyes off him as he unglued his feet and moved to sit on a gravestone almost opposite mine, stretching his long legs out in front of him. He looked like he was relaxed, but I had to wonder if he was.

Clearing his throat roughly he broke the silence between us. "This is a weird occurrence, isn't it? We're complete strangers to each other, but yet we find ourselves here, in this situation anyway," he sounded almost confused as he spoke and I held my breath as I listened, my eyes unconsciously closing as I listened to him talk. "I would like to say I'm here because we seem to have a particular person in common, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't because of something else too..."

Sucking in a deep breath at his honesty I opened my eyes and stared right at him. I saw his face in the light then, seeing the surprise as he snapped his mouth shut, a frown furrowing his dark brows as he realized just what he'd said. I guess that was one way of acknowledging the elephant in the graveyard with us.

And then I did something totally unexpected and totally unlike me.

I laughed. Hard. I laughed to the point of tears leaking from my eyes as I bent over from my stomach stitching as I tried to gain breathe back.

I've finally lost it haven't I? I've finally cracked.

I don't know why I laughed; I don't know why Jesse joined me in doing it. I just know that by the time I straightened up and wiped the tears off my face that I didn't feel so tense and nervous anymore. I felt comfortable, calm and familiar all at the same time. I didn't stare at him like we're the last two people on earth any longer either, though I still felt that sharp pang of intimacy each time I took a glimpse of him. But all that raw, surface emotion I'm so not used to having settled into something more serene for the first time since I'd seen him earlier on in the day.

"I guess it'd be stupid to deny there's a connection between us," I commented, admitting out loud to us both that there definitely is something, there. I don't do denying - or at least I try not to. Why dance around something when you can just get it out there straight away and not waste your time. Judging by the small head tilt, Jesse agreed with me. "Maybe it's because we're both mediators . . ." I trailed off. Knowing as I said it that it wasn't that. After-all, I haven't felt like this when I first met Father D, Jack Slater and not even when I met Paul - my boyfriend.

Crap.

"You're only the second mediator I've ever met, so I couldn't confirm or deny that," Jesse shrugged; his tone didn't sound like he believed it anymore than I did. Sighing, I watched fascinated as his breath puffed out between us as he gazed around the graveyard, his face a kaleidoscope of expressions before he settled his sight back on me. "What made you decide to meet me here and not somewhere else more - inviting?" His thin lips tilted up a little in the corners with wry amusement. I fought to tear my eyes away from that small grin, pleasure making my toes curl in my boots. It sent a little shiver down my spine that his attention was so solely on me.

Biting my lip for a second I debated what to say back. "I guess I find it calming here. Besides if Paul sees us together he'll flip. He can get a little possessive." Blinking I looked away from him, surprising even myself with that much honesty. Since when have I thought Paul's possessive of me enough to not be seen in public with another guy, no matter how normal it is?

Jesse raised his eyebrows quickly before drawing them back down into a frown. It made me shift a little on my perch.

I was waiting for him to say something about Paul, to ask me why I'd put up with that, but thankfully he didn't. He seemed to let it drop. But I got the feeling he didn't like what I'd said and wouldn't forget it either. I mean it's not as if Paul helped himself earlier anyway, sending Jesse death glares. One look at Jesse and I can tell he'd be able to take Paul on in a fight and probably do a little damage too. Maybe another me somewhere, in another life would have loved the idea of two guys fighting over me. But this Suze, the one secretly meeting an insanely hot guy in a graveyard, doesn't want or need the drama. Someone who doesn't want to bring that kind of problem to Jesse's life.

Paul on the other hand . . . I tried very hard to find it in myself to worry about him.

I'm really winning girlfriend points with him today!

"Has Carmel always been your home?" Jesse asked me, changing the subject and pulling me back from my slight guilt over Paul.

Silently thanking him I smiled, wondering just how much of my Brooklyn accent he can detect. "No, I moved here in January when my mom remarried. We lived in Brooklyn my whole life before that. I like it here, the beach is my favourite place to go. What about you? Are you a native?" I questioned, leaning forward a little, eager to hear all about him.

He looks around about Sleepy's age, so he must be in college at least. Random that he works in the Historical Society, but then I've seen Sleepy pull double shifts delivering pizza's because of college. I guess you take any job you can get.

Chuckling lowly he looked up at the cloudy night sky. "My family has lived in Salinas County for generations, the same land and business handed down along the way. My parents moved my sister and me to Spain for a short time when I was younger, but I moved to Carmel when I started college. I'm studying to be a doctor. I work at the Historical Society mostly because of my family's strong historical roots here. They have some of our family's artefacts on display. It seemed like a logical decision at the time." he looked away from the sky and back at me, seeming to come back to me. He smiled and shrugged as if everything he'd just told me wasn't along the same lines of my thoughts seconds before.

"Where does helping ghosts fit in to all of that?" I found myself asking, because he sounded so tired when he spoke about work and college.

"Mostly it doesn't. It's not easy, as I'm sure you well know," he arched one dark eyebrow at me, daring me to deny it. I just ducked my head and toed the dirt a little at my feet. Again, my actions totally out of character for me. What is it about this guy that seems to re-write my entire personality? "Are you the only mediator around here?" This time he leaned towards me, his eagerness as obvious as mine must have been.

"I thought I was the only mediator ever before I moved to Carmel," I told him, drumming my fingers on the cool stone beneath me. "But then I met Father Dominic - the principal of my school. And this summer a kid I was babysitting for. And his brother who you've already met - Paul," his eyes narrowed a little at that, but I went on hoping he wouldn't question that too much. "And now, you. I guess Carmel's a real hotspot for ghosts. You've only met one?"

"Yes, a very long time ago," he sighed, sitting back and staring off over my shoulder. "I guessed we weren't the only ones, but it's taken this long to meet another. Today wasn't your first visit from Anna either, was it?" he asked, locking his intense eyes back on me. I shook my head and he nodded as he went on. "She was in a car accident with her boyfriend a few months ago. Anna was killed instantly but her boyfriend - Ethan - escaped with a short stay in intensive care and has been recovering ever since. They live around here; they both went to Robert Louis Stevenson High School. Neither was particularly popular, not like the highly publicised deaths of the RLS Angels, anyway. I presume she wants both of our help if she's visited us both."

"You've found out more than I have," I murmured, selfishly glad she hadn't gone to Paul and Father D with this too. Father D would only rope me in to help anyway, but Paul - well I don't want to think of what Paul would do if she went his way. He's made it pretty clear to me that he thinks I'm stupid for trying to help them the way I do. I don't know how he does it, but I know he's gotten rid of a ghost in a way that wasn't solving their unfinished business. And there's something about Anna that I can't shake off. Something that won't let me walk away without helping her, even if I wanted to.

"Do you want to?" Jesse quietly asked me, his deep, rough voice snapping me out of my haze. I stared at him clueless. "Help Anna together." he clarified.

That would mean spending more time with him, sharing space and talking and fuelling the already sharp connection between us to a point that I wonder if I'll be able to walk away unscathed by the end of it. It would mean trying to hide it from Paul and stop any future fights that are sure to come up if he finds out. But it also means maybe figuring out why every time I look at him my heart thumps extra hard in my chest; why I find myself staring at him more than I normally would another person; why I feel like screaming, 'There you are!' each time we lock eyes.

In the end it was those last thoughts that swayed me. I want to spend time with Jesse; I need to be around him. I know that as strongly as I know the sky is blue and I'm a mediator.

"Yes." I said that one word with such conviction it made Jesse laugh unexpectedly. I could easily get used to that sound I decided while I laughed with him.

"Good, that's good," he muttered as he stood up, his hand running through his hair in a way that made me jealous. "It's getting late, we should leave. Do you need a ride home?" he offered, his hand held out to signal for me to leave ahead of him. A little stiff from sitting on the stone I tried not to stumble my way over the graves as a thrill shot threw me at the idea of having just a little extra time with him. It made up for the disappointment I felt the moment he said we should leave.

"Sure, that'd be great," I smiled over my shoulder as I led the way out of the graveyard and past the Basilica. I let him lead me over to his car, barely taking in its colour, let alone the model. I felt jittery and highly alert as I made myself comfortable in the passenger seat, rambling off the directions to my house. The ride there wasn't too fast and it didn't drag. We didn't say a word to each other, the silence only broken by our breathing. But it was comfortable and relaxed. I didn't expect any kind of moves to be made and I didn't question whether getting in to a car with a total stranger was a good idea or not. Not once did I feel like Jesse could be a threat to me.

Never.

But my house came up all too soon and I found myself just staring at it through my window, sighing heavily because I knew I'd have to leave the car now. Have to walk away from Jesse. And just like when I saw him at the Historical Society, it made my stomach erupt with the contradictory butterflies and panic.

Clearing his throat again, his voice sounded strained and hoarse when he spoke. "Why don't I give you my cell number and you can get in touch with me about when to go and see Ethan," Jesse suggested, just able to make eye contact with me. Did he think he was putting the moves on me? Is that why he sounds so uncertain? Is he expecting me to freak out, call him a cad and run away from his car?

"Yeah, definitely," I said a little too quickly, my words rushed and a little high-pitched. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, my fingers trembling a little. What the hell is wrong with me?! I swiped it open and shakily tapped in his number before saving it. And there it was, blazing brightly in my phone. Jesse's number, my lifeline to what could easily become an addiction. "Take mine too, just in case I forget," I rushed out again, even though that was a blatant lie, there's no way I would forget. But the thought of Jesse not being able to get in touch with me, that I'm the only one with the power of contact was terrifying and for some reason I wanted an even playing field.

Another Suze would have been buzzing at having that kind of power given to her from a guy as hot as Jesse.

The surprise that flashed across his face lasted seconds before it was replaced with relief. I rattled off my number back and watched him lock his own phone, suddenly nothing left to be said or done. Just get out of the car, Suze, I told myself. Just move. But I felt stuck, sitting there in the darkness of his car, terrified to leave him for some reason. It was my hand unconsciously making contact with his that snapped me out of that fear as the shock of electricity raced up my arm and down through my body, ending in my toes curling in my kick-ass boots. I never make physical contact with people unless I really have to. But there I was, actively reaching for him!

I mumbled, "Thankyouforthelifthome," before all but falling out of his car and racing up the gravel driveway, unable to look back. If I did I knew I'd find him sitting there, staring after me. And then I'd just turn back around and race back to his car and kiss him. Kiss a guy I've met twice, spoken to for less than an hour in total and feel something crazy for.

I should get a goddamn medal for my restraint though.

Because in-stead I walked into my house on auto-pilot, slipped into my room and fell on my bed, my whole body shaking as silent tears ran down my face. I lifted a trembling hand to my face and stared at it in shock when I saw it come away wet. My chest felt like it does when I wake from that recurring nightmare, the pain making me fall back on to the covers, my eyes squeezing shut against the twisting.

My last thought was of Jesse as I fell into a fitful sleep, and the feel of his warm hand beneath mine. Wondering why I expected it to be cold . . .