Wolfblood
Chapter 14
It's a rare sunny day. The first one I've seen since moving to America. Normally the sun alone would put me in an instant jovial mood, but I hardly notice it as I lay on my back across the picnic table, head cradled in Jo's lap.
"I've just never felt this frustrated with her before!" I glare up at the pretty blue sky as my friend runs soothing fingers through my short hair.
"Just because she keeps giving you the girl version of blue balls?" Isaac asks unconcernedly from the right side of the bench. He bites happily into an apple, choosing to enjoy his lunch.
"It's not about sex!" I hiss furiously, snatching my arm out to the side to steal his oh so enjoyable apple and chuck it with all my might, if not very much leverage, towards the woods. He gapes at me as his twin snorts from my other side.
"Man, you are in a foul mood. Guess this means no beach," Joshua says dryly.
Normally, I might feel bad about my current temper, but I can't help seething.
"I'm not a child," I growl, aware that at the moment it seems like I'm kind of throwing a tantrum like a child. "And that's what she sees me as. A responsibility. Not an equal."
"Try looking at it from her point of view," Jo tries to soothe, still petting my hair. "According to the law, you are still a child. You're a minor while she's an adult. She could get in a lot of trouble if she sleeps with you."
"It's not about sex!" I hiss once again, feeling the frustration building fast in my chest because no one seems to be listening. "And it's not about how the law sees me, it's how she does."
"Okay, okay, I know," Jo says quickly, and I calm the slightest bit.
"So is this it then?" Isaac grumbles, opening a bag of chips. "You breaking up?"
I suck in a silent sharp breath at the thought, because a sudden spike of pain jolts through my chest.
"Of course not," I grouse, irritated. "This is just a fight."
I try desperately to bring back my anger, because I don't like the feeling that's left without it, but all I manage is a desperate frustration.
I'm frustrated and angry beyond belief at Leah, but under all that, I'm just hurt. Her words, her reaction, hurt me, and I've never felt shame for my past actions before- not before she made me feel it.
And I know that I shouldn't feel this way for sleeping with my long-term girlfriend (who was also one of my best friends). I wasn't ashamed even when her father walked in on us. And she shouldn't use the power she has over me (the power I willingly let her have) to make me feel this way the first time I don't meet her expectations.
The bell to lunch rings and it's a sedate group that walks back into the airconditioned hallways of the school.
As we each branch off to our next classes, I feel my first twinge of regret for spreading my foul mood to my friends.
….
As I exit the school with my friends on either side of me, I stop in my tracks when I spot her, leaning against the wall like the last time she showed up at my school.
My friend's moods had risen slightly since lunch, but now the air turns awkward when they all catch sight of Leah.
"Go ahead," I tell them, and they uncomfortably shuffle off.
I study my girlfriend carefully, and she looks dramatically different from the last time she was here in this spot.
She has bags under her eyes, and though she looked nervous last time, it was nothing compared to the expression on her face now. My heart goes out to her, but I don't let it show- not yet. She isn't forgiven yet.
"You've been avoiding me." She says, wringing her fingers and her leaning against the wall is more of a slumped position.
"Yes," I say, expressionless, even though I know that it wasn't a question. Even though it's only been a day, the avoidance is clear with all the calls I sent or let go to voicemail.
"Can we talk?" she asks pleadingly, and though I don't outwardly show it, I soften just a bit. I sincerely have come to really really like this girl. I let myself get swept up by her, and no matter how much she made me angry yesterday, I know I'm not ready to give her up yet.
I suddenly feel someone come up and stop beside me, and my brother's scent fills my nose.
"I'll meet you at home, Noah," I tell the boy who is now as tall as me.
"You sure?" he asks, shooting a wearied and protective look towards my girlfriend. I didn't tell him exactly what happened, but he knows I came home last night really upset, and that it was her I was with.
"Go," I insist, and he goes without another objection.
"Come on then," I tell Leah, leading her across the parking lot in the direction of the woods, after my brother, but at a much slower pace. I stop us at the edge before turning to the anxious girl.
"I'm sorry," Leah immediately implores, and I relax marginally at the apology. "I was seeing you somewhat like a child and-" I immediately turn away to hide the flash of emotions, my fists clenching, but she catches my wrist before I can retreat any. "Wait- Ryan, just listen."
I turn fast back towards her with a glare. "What's the point of this, huh?! What's the point?"
"I-I'm trying to be honest," I can't help the snort that escapes, "but I need you to listen to the whole thing."
I snatch my arm away, but I don't move to run again. My arms cross defensively over my chest, and wait.
"You were right," she says slowly. "I see you as younger than me, but I didn't realize it until you pointed it out. I love you, Ryan," I stiffen completely at the confession, my eyes widening. Air seems to stubbornly elude my lungs as my girlfriend's beseeching gaze traps me.
"I feel very…protective of you. Everything in me just wants to guard and protect you from everything and anything, including myself. I'm older than I look. I'm a lot older than you. And even though I'm in love with you, a part of me does see your age and worry. I'm not telling you this to hurt you; I really truly just want to be honest with you, even though everything in me just wants to protect you- even if I have to lie to do that (and that's not because I see you as a child, that's just the way I am), but I do respect you."
She takes a deep breath, looking near tears as she reaches out for me.
I put up no fight as she pries my arms from their defensive position, and cradles both my hands. My pulse beats unevenly in my ears.
"I've always respected you, and admired how honest you are with what you think and feel. I admire how sure you are about everything. It's because I respect you that I want to be honest when I tell you that I do notice your age, but I have never considered us unequal."
I let out a deep tired breath when it doesn't seem like she's going to say anymore, and step into her personal space to wrap my arms around her waist. She seems to sag against me in relief at this nonverbal sign of forgiveness.
"Now, it's my turn to talk," I say pulling back after a moment.
Leah nods eagerly, unwilling to let go of me completely as she still clings slightly to my arms.
"I really like you Leah, and that gives you a lot of power over me. I don't generally care what people think of me, and I'm never apologetic about who I am or what I feel. I haven't felt shame in a long time, not about myself, and you made me feel that yesterday. You had an expectation of me, and when you found out that I didn't meet it, you hurt me."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sor-"
"I know," I tell her, gently covering her mouth with my hand. "I forgive you. If you promise that from now on, in concerns to our relationship or emotions, you'll stop trying to protect me."
She nods, so I slide my hand up to cup her cheek instead.
"I promise," she swears as she leans in and gives me the softest kiss we've ever shared. I feel all of her apologies and regret in those few short seconds of brush of lips, and I sigh contentedly as she pulls away and the lingering hurt and animosity melt with it.
"You wanna come back to the house and watch a movie with me?" I ask, smiling a bit.
"Of course. But how do you get home from here?" she asks curiously, looking back towards the school.
My smile turns into a grin when I tug her farther into the woods. "Run, of course. But right now, I feel like walking."
"You're joking right," Leah pleads. "It's almost ten miles from here."
"On the roads, yes" I agree. "It's a much shorter distance through the trees. Besides, how do you think I stay so fit?" I laugh at my girlfriend's baffled expression as I tug her along.
A/N: So I heard that there were some issues with the site last week but I hope that's been cleared up. Here is a short chapter. Drama over- not going to drag it out. I'm not going to make this an angsty story like all my other ones.
Please review.
~Silver
