Hello lovely readers! This is just a little something I wrote, partially for Janus's birthday because my snake boy needs more love, and also because Dadceit and Patton angst and general family cuteness—who doesn't love that stuff? That… that was a rhetorical question. Thank you.
I'm taking Sanders Sides requests! I have some of my own stories in mind, but I'd be more than happy to visit another corner of the fandom if your favorite character, ship, trope, etc. doesn't get enough love. I'll finish my ongoing stories first (Caterpillar is almost done, I promise), but I just wanted to put that out there.
TW: referenced homophobia, fire (small but still), crying and angst
Happy birthday, Janus! Stay safe, please review, and enjoy reading!
…
Janus didn't recognize the crying on the other side of the locked door, and that was almost as distressing as the sound itself.
He'd always been able to tell apart the voices of his children, even the twins (in some cases, especially the twins), no matter where they were, how loud or quiet they were, what they were doing, anything—he knew who it was. He could tell their crying apart too, as if the sounds had left handprints on his mind. It had always been hard for him to tell exactly what made the sounds unique; maybe Logan breathed a bit louder in his efforts to calm down, or Virgil sniffled more often, or Remus's voice sounded lower, or Roman was too quiet because he didn't want anyone to hear, but it was more than all that. Maybe it was some sort of extra parenting sense, but he always knew which one it was.
Not this time.
He couldn't quite grasp the situation. It definitely wasn't those four, he would know. It was just a bit too disjointed, too unsteady. It couldn't have been Patton, he was staying after school for cooking club and he never missed a meeting. So either someone had broken into his house to sob in peace, or he was losing his mind.
He knocked on the door.
The sound didn't change, not a bit. Certain they hadn't heard, he knocked again, a bit harder.
This time, the sound gasped for air and quieted. "Who is it?"
Janus faltered.
It was Patton.
Apparently he'd been wrong about cooking club. Maybe he'd been wrong about a lot more than that.
"Patton? Can I come in?"
There was a long moment of near-silence. Patton's breathing was still jagged. It sounded like he was trying not to choke or scream. "Y-yeah."
"Pat?"
"Yeah?"
"The door is locked."
"... oh."
Footsteps and sniffling, then a click and the door opened. Patton was smiling ear to ear. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks and glasses stained with tears. He was wearing his cat onesie. "Hey Dad, how was work?"
"Patton, what happened?"
Patton blinked rapidly, looking away. "Nothing. Nothing, why?"
With a sigh, Janus scooped Patton up and carried him back inside the room he shared with Virgil, setting him down in the bed and settling in next to him. Being thirteen, Patton wasn't as light as he used to be, but Janus would have carried him across the world if it made him feel better.
Janus brushed Patton's hair out of his eyes. "What happened?" he repeated.
Patton bit his lip, wringing the fabric of his onesie. "I… it's just… I asked this kid out today. I guess I thought, you know, because the twins are so open about—and you—you know?" Tears were brimming in his eyes again. His face scrunched up.
"What did he say?" Janus asked softly.
"H-he said that b-boys shouldn't like boys, that it's unnatural and he hated me and—" Patton broke off and dove into Janus's chest, wrapping his arms around him like he'd disappear at any moment if he didn't hold him there. Janus held him back, whispering that it was okay. He was okay.
"He's wrong," Janus said, keeping his voice low as Patton shook. "You're perfect just the way you are, no matter who you love. Love is beautiful in all its different forms."
Patton wiped his eyes, but he said, "But he hates me. I don't want him to hate me."
Janus refrained from saying that anyone who rejected Patton, the sweetest person to ever walk the earth, wasn't worth his time or his tears. "All that matters is if you love yourself."
Patton wouldn't meet his gaze.
Janus took Patton's hand, an idea forming. "Come with me, I want to show you something."
Patton dragged himself off of the bed, clinging to his hand. "What is it?"
"Come on, it's in the kitchen." He took his time, allowing them to move at Patton's dejected shuffle. He led Patton to the kitchen table and sat him down, then moved to the counter. He started the kettle for hot chocolate later as he rooted around in the drawer.
Finally, he found what he was looking for. He walked back to Patton and crouched in front of him, holding it up.
Patton's eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. "A candle?"
It had blue and white stripes. Janus picked up the lighter and lit the candle, holding it up. "Not just any candle. Try to blow it out."
Patton just looked more confused, but he leaned forward and breathed slowly until he had enough control of his lungs to blow.
The candle flickered but stayed lit.
Patton looked at Janus, who only smiled.
He blew again, harder.
The flame shrank, leaning away, almost disappearing. It stayed lit.
Patton tried once more, this time taking in the deepest breath he could and blowing long and hard. Over about seven seconds, he got the flame to disappear.
Then the flame popped back up.
Patton squinted at it, leaning back and forth as if he expected it to be an illusion that would fall away if he looked from another angle. "How does it do that?"
Janus briefly considered telling Patton either that it was magnesium or magic. He settled on neither. "What matters is that it does. No one can make this candle stop burning. See?" He blew it out, too. It came back. "It's a trick candle. Whenever it's blown out, it relights itself."
Patton took the candle from his hand, tilting it. The tiniest of smiles started to grow on his face. "That's amazing." Janus couldn't tell if he knew he'd spoken.
"I'm showing you this candle because it reminds me of you," Janus said. Patton looked up, his eyes widening. "I've watched you grow up, and I couldn't be more proud of the person you're becoming. You face challenges every day, but you always rise to meet them, and you come out the other side stronger for it. You're one of the bravest people I know." He put a hand on his shoulder. "So what does this kid know? Why should he get to blow the candle out?"
Patton's gaze flickered at the mention of the boy, he'd seemed to have forgotten him in the wonder of the immortal candle.
But then he looked back up at Janus and smiled, eyes set and steady. "He doesn't."
The kettle clicked. Janus left Patton with the candle to prepare two mugs of hot chocolate. Patton didn't try to blow the candle out anymore, only tilted it, as if trying to memorize every scratch on its surface. When he brought back the hot chocolate, he also brought a plate to put the candle on so it wouldn't catch anything on fire. Patton balanced the candle on its end on the plate.
He was almost done with his hot chocolate when he spoke. "Thanks, Dad."
Janus smiled. "Anytime, Patton."
He put an arm around his son, and together they watched the candle burn on.
