Shirou had a hard time adjusting to normalcy again. He'd trained himself to be sharp and ready at a moment's notice, so letting his guard down was something that took patience. Looking at the normal world after seeing what he'd seen was… jarring, to say the least. The full extent of the world of mages was something that was so alien to him for most of his life. He'd practiced his limited magecraft for years and had vague notions of what the world was like because of his adopted father, but now? It was like he was living in a place he didn't recognize. Nearly dying multiple times was also rather… eye-opening, to put it mildly.
A few weeks after the war, he did his best to settle down into a schedule again. He was keeping in close contact with both Rin and Sakura just since they had all grown closer during the last month or so, and it was for that very reason that he found himself getting coffee with the elder Tohsaka sibling that cold Saturday afternoon.
He wasn't entirely sure why, either. It was a little strange, Rin asking that out of the blue. He was positive that if he asked to meet her unexpectedly that she would've scolded him. Not that it would've been that big of a deal. He was used to that by now.
Fuyuki City was unusually cold this time of year, but Shiro had always liked snow. It put him at ease. The white blanket around everything invoked a kind of serenity that made him think about the days when he'd sit on the back porch with his father. It made him feel secure, and as of late, he really needed that.
She was there first, punctual as ever, and Shirou had to admit it was nice now that she was less prickly around him AND there wasn't a war looming over the both of them. Rin was no saint, but she was a good friend when she allowed herself to open up a bit more. He still found himself mildly nervous around her, as he knew conversations with Rin were a bit like trying not to step on a landmine. He didn't want to cause her any stress, even if she bordered on being unreasonable sometimes. She had a hard enough life as it was, from what he knew. It didn't help that he was a bit dense and far too aloof for his own good. Thankfully, since meeting each other, both of them became a bit more aware of their faults when it came to socializing.
He sat down at the seat across from her at the table outside next to the window. She was dressed in a crimson (of course) coat and a knit cap, whereas he just wore a grey hoodie. Despite the cold, even while snowing, the temperature tended not to bother him. The same could not be said for her, as she was rubbing her hands together over the mug of hot liquid she'd been given by the waitress.
Shirou eyed inside the establishment, which was full to the brim. Looked like there really were no other options.
"Hey," Shirou greeted as he sat down, passively signaling to the waitress that he didn't want anything when she saw Rin had someone join her.
Rin eyed the waitress and then Shirou, furrowing her brow. She leaned back in her seat and looked at the woman.
"He's kidding, he'll have a scone," Rin said.
Shirou didn't even object, he just looked confused.
"You look skinny," she remarked, "You're not growing negligent on my watch, moron,"
Shirou kind of felt secure, hearing Rin rib on him slightly. Playful banter was always nice. He also was a little hungry, and was unsure why he decided to say he didn't want anything. Rin's past accusations of him being thoughtless were a little bit more on-point than he would've liked.
"So, you been okay?" she asked, looking at him over her glasses as she sipped her drink.
Shirou nearly answered, but the waitress was already back with his scone, served on a clean white dish with a fork and a disposable napkin.
"As okay as I can be, I guess," Shirou said with a small shrug before taking a bite.
She nodded in acknowledgment.
"Good. Been practicing magic any?" she asked curiously.
He nodded whilst taking another bite.
"Certainly been a lot easier," he said, thinking back to the many times in his backyard where he accidentally conjured a sword when he got a little too enthusiastic.
Rin smiled.
"Your circuits are aligning properly now. It gets easier as you do it more," she assured him, "But I have to ask… to what end are you practicing for, exactly?"
She always got right to the point. Shirou appreciated that.
"To what end?" he repeated, "Well I mean, theoretically I'd-"
"Want to be a hero? Somehow?" Rin slyly interrupted, giving the boy a wink.
He nodded. It was a vague proposition and he didn't have the slightest clue about how he was going to go about it, but he figured he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. He had to get stronger, first and foremost. He knew he could get there, after all. The Holy Grail War, if nothing else, presented definitive proof that Shiro could achieve what he wanted. And reassured him that the world would need people like him, if there was that kind of evil running amok.
"Yeah," Shiro answered, "Sounds a little silly when you say it so plainly like that,"
Rin chuckled.
"It is silly. Incredibly noble and sickeningly selfless, but also very silly-sounding," she said with both levity and sincerity.
Shirou blushed a little, knowing his idealism was a bit… naive, by most measures.
"Well hey, is it sillier than wanting to become the strongest mage in the world? Or… whatever it is that you want to do?" Shirou asked, trailing off a bit at the end as he realized he didn't know what she wanted beyond the Holy Grail War.
Rin scoffed.
"I'm ambitious, Shirou, I'm not trying to rule the world," she said dismissively as she took another sip, "But I think we can help each other, considering our goals,"
Shirou couldn't wait to hear this. He leaned forward with an encouraging smile that Rin returned. If she admired anything above all else in her classmate, it was his utilitarian approach to communication. Never a word wasted, if one was even necessary at all.
"I'm taking a gap year," she said, "Well… kinda,"
Shirou's confusion returned.
"A gap year? I thought that was for kids in college?" he asked.
"Right you are," she explained, "Except, because of my involvement in the Grail War, the Mage Association has taken an interest in me. As well as the other surviving participants of the Grail War,"
Shirou's eyes widened.
"That includes me?" he asked hesitantly.
Rin nodded.
"Yes. So much so that they're allowing me to take a year's long internship program. They've been able to sort it out with Homurahara Academy in an official capacity. The 'gap year' isn't so much a 'gap year' as it is an opportunity to rub elbows with the right people,"
Shiro couldn't help but feel a bit of residual excitement for her. He didn't know what Rin wanted to do, specifically, but this was a great opportunity for her.
"So, where do I fit into all this?" he asked.
"Well, I would be lying if I said I wasn't being a little selfish-"
Shirou made an active effort not to make a snarky comment.
"-but it would look pretty outstanding on my resume if I had an apprentice. A testament to my abilities as an instructor," she finished.
"An apprentice?" Shirou asked, baffled she was willing to engage with such an idea.
"You're already pretty capable but you've been teaching yourself your entire life. If you wanna be a hero, you've gotta cover your bases. Might as well be me who teaches them to you," she said casually.
"You're gonna be doing an internship and teach me? Sounds like a lot, Rin. I wouldn't want you to overwork yourself,"
Her patented smile crept across her face.
"I'm a Tohsaka, Shiro. I'll manage. I wouldn't offer if I didn't think I could," she reassured him, "Besides, you're already plenty talented. It will only reflect well on me if they think I taught you everything you know,"
Shiro chuckled. Now that made a little more sense.
When he thought about it, he really didn't know what his plan was for how his future was going to play out. He knew he could do it, theoretically, but he needed direction. The idea of having Rin provide that for him was definitely tempting.
"So they can just send a letter to school and I can study under you? Just like that?" he asked, really considering the offer as the gears in his head turned.
She nodded.
"Just like that," she said, "I know they're sending someone to ask us about what happened, just for an official report, so we can sort out the finer details whenever they arrive. I got a letter this morning saying they wanted to talk with the four of us,"
Shiro turned his head a bit as he finished his scone.
"Four of us?" he inquired, under the impression that himself, Rin, and Sakura were the only survivors.
Rin sighed. In her letter, she had been informed of a few things regarding a certain bloodline of a certain young mage who against all odds, managed to survive her ordeal with Gilgamesh. She had to take a second look at the information disclosed to make sure she was reading it right, but there was no mistaking it. It was common for letters from the Mage Association and affiliated establishments to address people by their name, bloodline, and parentage. An old custom that had never really gone away.
If you can, please inform Sakura Matou, daughter of Tokiomi and Aoi Tohsaka, Shirou Emiya, son of unknown parties, and Illyasviel Von Einzbern, daughter of Kiritsugu Emiya and Irisviel Von Einzbern of our impending arrival. We wish to record an account of events for the sake of clarity and would like to speak with you all.
Rin saw the last name, and remembered who Shirou said his father was. She did one hell of a double-take upon reading it.
"Yeah," Rin said hesitantly, her posture tightening up as she finally got around to the real reason she called to meet Shiro in person today, "About that…"
Sakura loved being in an environment where she actually felt at home. It had been so long since she had felt that way anywhere. In fact, she couldn't even remember if she had ever truly felt that at all. It was so new to her, and she was infinitely grateful for it.
It took about two weeks of proper treatment to get Sakura on her feet again. Undoing years of Zouken's abuse on her body wasn't easy, but Rin managed as best she could. Disabling her circuits, flushing everything out of her system, and realigning them had nearly killed the elder Tohsaka sibling, but she'd done as good of a job as anyone was capable of doing. If Sakura ever had any doubts about how her sister felt about her, or just how deep her devotion ran, they were put to rest when she's risked her life to help purge the toxins and worms from her body. Sakura couldn't use magic for a while, but she didn't mind. Her life on a day-to-day basis wasn't affected.
She'd permanently moved in with Rin the second she offered, which was literal hours after the war ended. When she asked about Zouken, Rin simply told her she would take care of it, and nothing surrounding the matter was spoken on after that. Sakura saw the look in her sister's eyes whenever he was mentioned, and that was all the information she needed. After her surprising lack of feeling at Shinji's death, she found it within herself to stop feeling sorry for the people who had done nothing but hurt her. They were not deserving of her kindness or devotion. It was still something she found hard to accept, as she was still humble and soft-spoken, but her sister had begun to rub off on her. Rin was also far more encouraging than anyone in her life had been previously, which was a godsend. She'd been busy lately, understandably so, but tried to make time for Sakura whenever she could.
Discovering Rin had actually missed her was perhaps the best thing to come from all of this. Neither one of them had to maintain the facade anymore. There were no more secrets.
She still spent too much time alone for her liking, but Rin promised it would be over soon. It was nice being in the Tohsaka manor, and on that winter afternoon, she'd managed to curl up on the couch downstairs and bury herself in a book. It was a simple luxury that hadn't been afforded to her in some time.
She was so absorbed in what she was doing, she almost didn't hear the knock at the door.
Despite being skittish, Sakura stood up and walked to the entrance of her new home with a degree of confidence. Her sense of belonging felt natural, whereas a month ago she would've felt out of place, and probably would've dreaded the idea of answering the door in such a new environment.
She opened the door and found not a postman or a solicitor, but a young woman.
She looked familiar, but Sakura couldn't quite put her finger on where (or if) she had seen her before. She put the notion that she might have known her already to bed quickly, as even a quick glance at the girl assured her that she would've remembered her. Her hair was, somehow, whiter than the literal snow that was currently coating the streets outside. She was pale, had these incredible ruby-red eyes, and wore a rather adorable fluffy purple coat. For someone as striking as her, she somehow looked unassuming, exuding a careful, quiet energy that Sakura had seen in her own reflection many times.
She looked about Rin's age, maybe a year or so older. Her features were delicate, so much so that Sakura nearly recoiled at the sight of her, afraid her natural clumsiness would somehow break the girl.
"Hello, can I help you?" Sakura asked.
The girl's face brightened upon being spoken to. It was like she was happy just to hear another human being's voice. Sakura figured she was projecting a little, since she was certainly well-acquainted with that feeling.
"Yeah, hi. Wow, you're cute," the girl clumsily let out.
The awkward tension between the two was now palpable as Sakura lightly blushed. She did not expect that from a stranger, and Illya certainly didn't expect that to be the first thing she said when interacting with another person for the first time.
"I'm uh... hi. Yeah. I'm Illyasviel Von Einzbern," she said enthusiastically, in a hurry to forget about her faux pas, "Is this the Tohsaka residence? I'm super bad with directions,"
She had an awkward, expressive smile. She somehow managed to emote with every single muscle in her face. Sakura could only think to describe her as 'animated'
"It is," Sakura answered apprehensively.
"Oh, okay. Do you happen to know where Rin is? At least I think that was her name… I'd like to talk with her, if she isn't busy," she requested, making an effort to sound more polite.
Sakura eased up a bit on the nervousness. This was probably an upperclassmen friend of Rin's. Hardly surprising. Even though Rin wasn't actively very social, she was a popular girl.
"You actually just missed her," Sakura said, "She went out to get coffee with a friend. I think she'll be back in an hour or so, though,"
Illya nodded, snapping her fingers as she pursed her lips.
"Damn. Well, this is awkward," Illya said, blinking as she made eye contact with Sakura.
She didn't really know what to do. Rin had told her this was now Sakura's home just as much as it was her own, but did that extend to something like this? Would Rin be okay with it? The girl seemed friendly enough, and she didn't want to send her away if Rin was going to be back relatively soon.
And then there was the fact that this girl seemed rather oblivious, and didn't look like she was eager to leave…
"You can wait inside, it shouldn't be too long before she's back," she finally offered.
Illya lit up again.
"That's so nice of you! Thanks!" she said, a spring in her step as Sakura stepped aside and let her in.
Illya walked inside and looked around, her lips forming a little 'o' as she eyed everything. The ornate furnishings, the prominent wood finish on the floors and walls, the occasional magical object or heirloom disguised in plain sight, everything Sakura had once looked at similarly. She contemplated showing the snow-haired girl their library just to see her reaction. Maybe later.
"Wow, cozy little place you guys got here!" she said after an impressed whistle.
'Cozy' was… one way of putting it, she supposed.
"It's awfully cold out, can I offer you some tea? Coffee? Hot chocolate?" Sakura asked, eager to do something so she didn't have to revel in how awkward she felt talking to a stranger.
Illya looked at her with a small, but earnestly appreciative grin.
"I would love some, thank you," she said, her voice a little bit lower than it was before.
This girl was… odd. The word 'ethereal' came to mind for reasons she couldn't entirely pin down.
Illya faintly hummed as she followed Sakura into the kitchen. She turned to her, seeing that she was leaning against the counter rather than sitting at the table. She couldn't really blame her, Sakura felt awkward sitting down in other people's homes without being explicitly told to.
"Did you want anything specific?" she asked her guest.
Illya looked at her blankly, just staring for a second. She nearly shook her head to snap herself back to reality. The peculiar girl thought about it for a moment.
"Uhhhh, hot chocolate actually sounds great. If it's no trouble, I mean," she said, quickly adding the addendum.
Sakura nodded, grabbing the ingredients from the cabinet and fridge. It took her a moment to remember where the mugs were.
"So, how do you know Rin?" Sakura asked as she mixed everything together and placed the drink in the microwave.
She wasn't sure how to start conversation, or make it, generally speaking. A direct question was more than likely the best place to go.
"Well, we met about a month ago. Rin… kinda saved my life," Illya said, nearly sounding 'matter-of-fact' about the affair.
Sakura's eyes widened, and she slowly turned to Illya. The timeline of that… a month ago…
"Saved your life?" Sakura asked, nearly gasping.
Illya looked skeptical for a moment, but it faded. She gave the purple-haired girl a shrug.
"Well, I guess that's exaggerating a little," she explained, "But… not really? If not for her and Shirou I probably would've died, so yeah. I guess she did in a way,"
Fear washed over Sakura's face, she wasn't entirely sure how to react. How much did this girl know? How was she involved in the Grail War? She was friendly enough, which prevented her anxiety from turning into a full-blown panic, but this was still unexpected. The idea of that bloody ordeal resurfacing in any way was terrifying.
Illya's awkward smile returned as she saw Sakura's visible discomfort.
"Are you alright?" she asked, "You… are a mage, aren't you?"
Sakura didn't know how to respond. Was she? Technically, she supposed that was true. She may have been unable to use any abilities while recovering, but the title still applied to her in a basic sense. Being a mage just wasn't part of her identity in the way it was Rin's. But how did this girl know that, exactly?
"Your circuits have something wrong with them," Illya said, "But you've got them… is something wrong?"
The microwave beeped, and Sakura jumped up at the sound.
"How did you-"
"I can just sort of tell," Illya said lackadaisically, her eyes suddenly growing wider, "Wait a minute, you live with Rin and you're a mage? You must be her sister!"
This girl could tell if people had circuits just by looking at them?
Sakura was still on edge about this interaction for many reasons she couldn't fully explain, but being called Rin's sister filled her heart with warmth.
She turned around, grabbing the mug from the microwave and handing it to Illya, trying her best to appear unbothered.
"I am. I'm Sakura. Sakura Tohsaka," she said.
She couldn't even begin to articulate how proud of herself she was for that. It had been the first time she had said her name, her proper name, and she didn't even stutter. It came out naturally.
"Well it's nice to meet you, thanks!" she said, taking the mug and hurriedly taking a drink.
She squeaked a bit as it made contact with her tongue, clearly not anticipating how hot it was going to be.
"So... you helped my sister?" Sakura asked.
Illya nodded, taking a more careful sip.
"We formed a temporary alliance during the Grail War," she said very plainly, "Guess it isn't totally accurate to say they 'saved' me, but they definitely did their best to keep me safe. I owe them one,"
Illya knew it wasn't a perfect representation of what went down. After all, she had basically been killed by Gilgamesh, but she'd seen the look on Shirou and Rin's faces before her body hit the ground. Before that battle, things were looking up for her. They showed her kindness, which had been more than anyone else had ever given her. The fact that anyone would have any feelings about her dying whatsoever was… morbidly comforting to Ilya.
Sakura nodded, unclear as to what all had happened during the war. Shirou and Rin did a good job at shielding her from the wake of destruction caused after Rider's rather gruesome death. It was a complicated and messy affair, and she hardly understood half of what her sister and classmate told her. In fact, they weren't totally sure what happened themselves.
She smiled at the notion of her sister once again demonstrating her exceptional selflessness.
"Rin's made quite the habit of taking in strays lately," Sakura said with a bemused laugh.
Between herself, Illya, and Shirou, it was funny to think that Rin had been such a prideful lone wolf not that long ago.
"You must be proud," Illya said, "I bet it's wonderful to have someone like that in your life,"
Just a bit of longing could be detected from the white-haired girl's words. But it was nearly undetectable from behind her infectious smile. Sakura was beginning to think herself silly for being worried about her.
Then, as if on cue, both girls heard the sound of the front door opening. The mild chatter and murmurings of Rin and Shirou soon followed.
"That's them," Sakura said, walking into the living room to greet them.
Illya, unsure of herself, tentatively followed her new acquaintance as she gripped her cup with both hands.
Shirou and Rin were still talking to each other, but looked up when Sakura stepped into the room as they were taking off their coats and snow-covered boots.
"Hey Sakura," Shirou greeted as he wrestled with his remaining boot.
She waited for them to actually look at her, which took a few seconds since they were caught up in whatever they were still discussing. However, once Illya entered the room, a small amount of hot chocolate on her upper lip, they stopped.
"Hey guys," Illya said with an awkward chuckle.
Shirou's jaw dropped, and Rin's eyes widened in surprise.
"Well," Rin muttered under her breath, "Speak of the devil,"
Seeing Illyasviel was a shock to Shirou and Rin, despite both of them now being aware she was alive. For one, it was a bit timely to run into her right after Rin had explained that she had somehow survived, and how deep their connection truly ran. The most jarring thing though, for the two of them, was how she looked.
Sakura hadn't met her before, so she wasn't aware of the startling difference. In the span of nearly one month, Illya had gone from looking like she was a year or two Rin and Shirou's junior, to appearing like she was the oldest person in the room. Not by much, but it was a striking difference. She was taller, her shoulders were a bit broader, and she just generally looked far more like the age she claimed to be when they met.
After the incredibly awkward introductions were out of the way, they all sat in the living room, clearing the air about… everything. Illya's drastic change in appearance and personality over the course of the last month certainly made it easier for everyone to talk to her. Despite being assured of her age, Rin and Shiro couldn't ever escape the fact that it felt like they were talking to a child when they had first encountered each other. It also didn't help that Illya was a little on the… iffy side, when it came to sanity.
Sakura took a seat in a chair as she mostly listened to the others. Shirou and Rin sat on a couch on one side of the center coffee table, and Illya sat on the other. The way she kept sipping her drink with a wide-eyed gaze when the others spoke still gave her a very child-like disposition. Seeing as she had been in a state of both physical and mental arrested development her entire life, coupled with her isolation and copious psychological abuse, Rin and Shirou figured that couldn't be helped.
"So, if you don't mind me asking, once we left… what happened?" Rin asked, half probing for vital information and half genuinely curious.
Illya exhaled.
"I really wish I knew. I mean I know what happened, but I'm a little lacking on the finer details," she answered, "I just sort of laid there for… wow, I don't even know how long. Not really sure I wanna know…"
She stopped for a moment, looking genuinely saddened for a moment as she recalled her experience.
"It's okay, Illya," Shirou reassured, "You don't have to tell us now if it's hard to talk about. We understand,"
Rin withheld her desire to press further regardless for the sake of everyone being on the same page, as she wasn't entirely sure how much she trusted Illya. However, she knew that mistrust was really more her own problem than Illya's, and didn't want to project. Once she'd filled in the gaps with Shirou about her history, she learned what a hard life she must've had. She also knew that some of Shirou's more understanding tendencies were something she appreciated in him, and wanted to reflect.
There was also the fact that Shirou was just trying to show the girl kindness. Blood relation or no, he was her only family.
"No, it's alright," Illya said with a weak smile, eager to get through it, "I was lying there for a long time. Then… I had a vision. Or, at least, I thought it was a vision. I saw my mother,"
"Your mother?" Rin asked, "I thought she-"
"Died, yeah," Illya finished, "Me too. That's why I figured it had to be a vision, right? LIke how else could you explain it? But then she just sort of came to me. She picked me up, there was a bright light, and then I was healed. It was like nothing had even happened,"
It was… a lot to process. Rin and Shirou couldn't even begin to make heads or tails of it. Illya clearly couldn't either, so everyone was at least on the same page.
"When you were healed, after all that happened," Rin began, "Is that when you… uh… well…"
She gestured vaguely at Illya, who furrowed her brow as the elder Tohsaka sister looked like she was trying to communicate by miming. It took a second for her to realize what she meant.
"Oh, you mean my body!" she said after giving herself a brief facepalm, "Yeah I'm a bit lost on this too. When I was healed I looked exactly the same, but once I went to bed, I just kinda… woke up like this,"
"That's incredible," Sakura quietly exclaimed.
It was only natural Sakura was a bit more mystified than her peers. Even Shirou was more well acquainted with the supernatural shenanigans they found themselves embroiled in. It was odd, certainly, but nothing was outside the realm of possibility for him. To Sakura, this was nothing short of alien.
"Well, Rin, you're smart," Shirou said, "I take it some kind of magic made this happen?"
Rin was definitely deep in thought, by the looks of it. She was the scholar, after all. If anyone could approximate what happened, it would be her.
"My guess is that it has to do with your relationship with the Grail. Or even, the Grail itself, really," she said, the gears in her head still turning, "You have the same blood as your mother, which ties you to the Grail somehow. And when the war ended… well… it wasn't really because anyone 'won'- it just sort of… ended,"
The nature of the Grail's disappearance and war's official ending was perhaps the biggest mystery of all. The association and the church both were tight-lipped on the Grail War to pretty much anyone who wasn't a participant or us lofty status. Why had there been so many of them? Why had there been a difference in the amount of time between them?
What even was the Grail?
"My guess is that the Grail is defective somehow. It explains why it's rules seem so tenuous," she posited, "And, if I had to bet on something, your connection to it has somehow bound you to its power. There's no magic in existence that could've healed your… injuries,"
Illya briefly winced. Sakura took notice of that. What exactly happened to this poor girl that they kept alluding to? Did she want to know?
"Sounds as plausible as anything I could think of," Illya said with a shrug, "I mean, I guess maybe it had to do with my mom. Somehow,"
Rin had known about the Einzbern's proclivity for creating Hommunculi, so this was of no shock to her. Illya's mother had been created solely to be used as a sacrifice. The blood that ran through her mother's veins ran through hers, and seeing as her mother was now a part of the Grail, it stood to reason that it would connect her somehow. The finer details were still hazy, but they also didn't really matter.
"But uh, anywho," Illya continued, "I wanted to stop by and just… thank you. Both of you,"
She managed to look vulnerable despite those startlingly crimson eyes. Shirou crumpled a bit under the look.
"Thank us? Illya… you nearly died. We kinda failed you," Shirou said.
Rin could hear the pain in her friend's voice. He would've reacted to this intensely no matter what, but knowing his connection to Illya only compounded the feeling. A brazen hero who believed he could save everyone, logic be damned. There was nothing they could've done in their circumstances, but seeing Illya be violently gored definitely churned Rin's stomach with guilt too. She couldn't imagine what it would've done to the more sensitive boy.
Illya shook her head.
"You did your best, and honestly, that's more than good enough. It's been on my mind recently, and I just sort of realized that nobody had ever really done anything for me… like… at all. You may not have prevented it, but you gave it everything. I… appreciate that,"
Illya was visibly struggling to articulate her feelings, like it was the first time she'd ever explained how she'd felt about something to someone else. Mostly because it was.
Shirou refrained from a rebuttal, even though he still obviously felt guilty he couldn't save her. He knew debating it wouldn't do Illya any good.
"I also just wanted to say that I was sorry. I attacked you guys when this all started. I was… broken. I know we moved past some of our baggage when we agreed to team up, but I just didn't know how any of this stuff worked,"
"This stuff?" Rin inquired.
Illya chuckled softly as she sat her empty mug on a coaster.
"People," she said casually, "I was just angry, and scared, and lonely. I wanted to win so I could be happy, and that was all I cared about. I was a bit harsh on you, Shirou. It wasn't like you had a say in… in the choices dad made,"
A brief silence swept over them. Shirou was still dealing with the idea that the man who inspired him to be what he was, the man he revered his whole life, had done something so terrible. No matter the cause, he couldn't think of any excuse for abandoning Illya the way he did. This conversation didn't exactly help any of that.
"But now things are different," Illya continued, "There's no more weird war stuff, and I'm starting to see and understand things differently. I didn't want to leave a loose end with you two. I just don't really know what I could possibly do to repay you for it,"
"With all due respect, Illya, you don't have to repay us," Rin said, "We were allies for tactical reasons, we're not exactly saints,"
"Rin-" Shirou began but was interrupted by Illya rather swiftly.
"I know," she said, smile returning, "But if you hadn't, I don't really know where I'd be right now. Or even if I would be. You were nice to me a few times. It means a little more than you think,"
Rin almost hated how sickeningly sweet she was. However, it was her sincerity that made it palatable.
"So," Sakura finally spoke, "You and Shirou… you're siblings? Technically?"
Illya nodded, whereas Shirou just stared blankly.
"In a way, I suppose. Quite estranged and not by blood," she said, a bit of disappointment in her tone.
"Illya," Shirou began as he snapped out of it, something specific clearly on his mind, "Your home was nearly destroyed… have you still been staying there this whole time?"
Illya nodded, nervously rubbing the back of her neck.
"Yeah," she said, "It's been a little rough, not like there's air conditioning or heating systems in castles that old, so it's been a bit drafty because of the damage. I've still got my own room though,"
Shirou smiled.
"So… if I were to offer you a place to stay, that would be a little bit of an improvement?" he asked.
Illya blushed.
"Oh wow, I don't really… I mean I don't want to seem ungrateful but that's a lot. It's me that owes you, remember?"
Shirou nodded.
"Sure, but I owe you just as much. And then some," he said, "Be kind of shitty if I just let you stay locked up alone in that place,"
Illya was taken aback.
"Well… I dunno. I don't want to be an imposition," she said.
Shirou grinned.
"Well, how about this, I would feel a lot better if you said yes. Leaving you on your own, especially after all this, that would be a way worse feeling. Even if you were an imposition, which you wouldn't be," he said.
Rin mimicked his smile. Using his innate humility and kindness as a weapon of encouragement. He was learning from her a bit more than she expected him to.
"Oh," Illya said, sounding almost frightened but her face lighting up, "Well, I guess I wouldn't want you to have any more weight on your shoulders. If that would really make you feel better,"
Sakura saw Illya's brief flash of joy after she spoke. This is precisely what Illya wanted, even if she didn't really know it yet. She knew that feeling better than most.
"I think it's a wonderful idea," Sakura spoke up, "You're among friends now, after all. And family,"
Illya looked like it was Christmas morning. She was visibly trying to contain herself, but started to fidget in place. It got better once she started talking Shirou's leg off, while Sakura and Rin sat there and watched her begin to ask questions about his home.
Rin playfully rolled her eyes, which made Sakura giggle. She saw her younger sibling take a lot of vicarious joy in Shirou and Illya reuniting like this.
Rin sat there, content, knowing precisely why that was the case.
Waver Velvet arrived at the Emiya residence late that Tuesday evening. It had been a very long day and he was running on very little sleep. He wanted to get this done in the afternoon so he could return home for a well-earned meal, but he sincerely underestimated his workload after rising to prominence in the Clock Tower.
He'd been trying to work on ways to ease his nerves lately. He tried everything. Calming tea with magic herbs. Elixirs. Easing off using too much magic to keep his system in check. He'd even tried cigarettes, though only got through one and threw the pack away instantly. A truly disgusting habit that did nothing but put his lungs through the wringer.
As a result, he looked dead tired. He was secretly thankful he had to put on casual clothes to blend in because of his final errand, wearing far more comfortable attire at least made this somewhat bearable. On the other hand, it made him look like he was a well-dressed vagabond with a heroin problem, seeing as he was so thin, pale, and almost dizzyingly sleepy. Thankfully, keeping up appearances was not in his itinerary when going through the normal world. He was tired of having to feel like he continually needed to prove himself despite earning his position through nothing but hard work and talent. There were people who respected him now, admired him, even. The trouble with all that was that he knew if he ever slipped up, the mage community would dismiss him as someone who bit off more than they could chew. Some people in the Clock Tower even had it out for him because he earned so much buzz. He was living proof that bloodlines were just bloodlines, and that was a message some of the higher ups didn't like being broadcast in their tight-knit, prestigious organization.
It was precisely because of all these things that Waver wasn't looking forward to this. Having to relive the harrowing experience of the Grail War after participating in it all those years ago was bad enough. What compounded onto that is that he was familiar with the Tohsaka name. His experiences with the three biggest families in the magical community had been… unpleasant, to say the least. This Rin girl was more than likely cut from the same cloak as her father, and her sister was technically a member of not just one of the families, but two! He had grown to appreciate confidence and believe in oneself far more than he used to, because of the teachings of someone who had once been a great friend to him, but Waver had no time for pride. There was a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he was quite quite tired of being subject to the latter instead of the former.
Then of course there was the Einzbern girl, whose inclusion meant that Waver would technically be meeting with a member of all three noble families. He didn't even know there was an Einzbern that young, as the only younger member of the bloodline he knew had died in the war he fought in. There was also the final participant with the last name 'Emiya'- which sounded familiar to Waver, but he wasn't sure how. He must've been a first generation mage considering his parentage was totally unknown. Waver also didn't have patience for hapless idiots, even if he still had a degree of sympathy for them, and hoped this boy wouldn't turn out to be one. Perhaps his lack of magical blood would make his interrogation more tolerable.
It was odd, being in a place like this after being in Westminster for so long. It brought back more memories of the war, the old couple he'd stayed with, and casually interacting with Rider in their downtime. It was humble, but he liked the charming simplicity. Most mages he knew would've tossed their noses up and called the place 'droll'- the insufferable bastards. It was like everything that wasn't enchanted or hexed was just utterly worthless to them. Waver was by no means the model of sparkling personality, but he couldn't help but think his coworkers and superiors would be dreadfully boring at parties.
He arrived at the front door, illuminated by nothing but the closest lamplight. He knocked, adjusting his posture to appear slightly more professional.
A girl with deep purple hair and a shy smile answered the door. She wore an apron, and quickly bowed before Waver could do anything.
"Mr. Lord El-Melloi sir," she greeted, "Welcome,"
He couldn't help but feel a bit modest for that kind of greeting.
"Hello, miss…?" he asked, awaiting an introduction.
The girl blinked and then realized she had forgotten to mention her name. Waver heard an airy giggle inside.
"Sakura. Sakura Tohsaka," she said.
Waver furrowed his brow.
"Tohsaka? I thought you the name was-"
Before Waver could finish, a brunette girl popped into view right next to her.
"She's getting the name changed. It's a bit confusing, apologies. Rin Tohsaka," she said, outstretching her hand.
Waver was taken aback by her enthusiasm. He cleared his throat upon entering, finding a young red-haired man wearing an identical apron to Sakura's and a pale girl with ruby eyes sitting at the table on the floor. The young man was frying something that smelled quite appetizing, and the girl was watching the television intently, her knees pulled up to her so she could rest her chin on them. He wasn't sure she even noticed him enter.
"Apologies, Lord El-Melloi," Rin said, "I would have been more than happy to have you as a guest in my home but someone decided to microwave themselves hot chocolate this morning and left the spoon in the mug while heating it,"
The white-haired girl finally turned her attention towards the entrance, jumping up quickly and standing at attention with a minor flush in her cheeks.
"In my defense, I had never used a microwave before," she said, "Hello Lord El-Melloi,"
"And I've never put out a fire before," the boy who he assumed was Shirou said, turning around, "Would you like some fried rice, sir? It's nothing fancy but it tastes good,"
Waver's stomach was in dire need of basically anything at this point. He would've eaten roadkill if offered, but thankfully that sounded like it would hit the spot. It almost entirely went over his head that the letter he got that morning about the sudden location change for the debriefing was because the Einzbern girl had non-magically set Rin's kitchen aflame.
"To be frank, I absolutely would," Waver said, finding himself pleasantly surprised that he didn't immediately get put off by any of the kids.
Kids…
It really only then hit him that every survivor of the Grail War wasn't even out of high school yet. All of them began to stand up and gather as they grabbed plates and drinks, and Waver lagged behind apprehensively.
They were no older than he was when he'd been in the war.
The impromptu meal was, by all accounts, splendid. Shirou and Sakura were no strangers to making food, and the others were happy to reap the benefits. Thankfully most of the time spent eating, because conversations suddenly felt a bit more… lofty. With Waver around, despite him seeming content and amicable, they were all on pins and needles the whole time. They didn't have a reason to worry, none of them had done anything wrong, nobody was hiding anything, but the presence of Lord Melloi II was enough to add some tension in the air. Illya's attention drifted off towards the tv again almost instantly.
Once everyone was finished, Waver explained to everyone that he'd take one of them aside into a room by themselves and record their testimonies. He made it quite clear that Clock Tower wasn't trying to fish information out of them, they were just real sticklers for rules and didn't like how there had been such a grey area about previous Grail Wars. This put everyone more at ease, as did Waver's generally non-intimidating disposition, but the nerves didn't fail completely.
Shirou offered to go first, and handled it like a champ. Waver maintained a solid but approachable front and the boy gave an honest recount… even if that recount included a lot of 'then X happened and I'm not really sure why'- it gave Waver a bit of a blast from the past. He remembered what it was like to be Shirou. Albeit, a far less powerful version of Shirou, from the sounds of it.
The debacle with the heroic spirit that was a future version of himself was certainly interesting. It definitely convinced him something was up with the Grail, something more sinister than usual. He couldn't imagine being in the boys shoes in that respect. If the version of himself that had participated all those years ago met his current self, what exactly would happen? He didn't think on it much, but he certainly would've told his younger self to stop whining so damn much.
Shirou left, assuring the others it was standard procedure, and Illya volunteered herself. Her recount was obviously far shorter than Shirou's (and assumedly Rin's) because of what happened, but the longer she spoke, the more nerve-wracked Waiver became. He finally recognized her. At least, in a sense he did. There was a woman he'd briefly encountered in the war who was the spitting image of the girl, and considering her full name, that left him no choice but to determine that the woman he met had been her mother. He elected to say nothing, as he didn't interact with her significantly, but he felt a pang of guilt nonetheless.
The girl was strange. In many ways, she reminded him of Iskandar, his old friend. She was far less loud, but she had a bright, shimmering charisma about her that combined with an endearing aloofness. Perhaps the bi-product of being alone for so long.
Sakura went after that, taking the least amount of time as she had the least involvement. When asked about the disappearance of her former guardian Zouken, she merely shook her head and said she hadn't seen him since the start of the war. When Waver remarked that she didn't sound particularly concerned, she was curt, telling him she wasn't. Zouken wasn't well-liked even by the staunchest of traditionalist mages, a cruel old man who dabbled in dark magic any sensible mage would've stayed far away from. The magical community wouldn't miss him, but that didn't mean they wanted to drop it altogether. People like him didn't just vanish, but people like him also weren't generally missed all that often either. Regardless, he could glean that Sakura wasn't involved with his disappearance. She seemed timid, but she was surprisingly confident in her delivery.
Rin was last, as she knew she'd be the longest. Recounting her history with the now-dead priest, Kirei Kotomine, was something she knew she had to do but definitely didn't want to. The Church and the Association weren't exactly on great terms, but they had to know what exactly happened to the man, who'd officially gone down as the previous Grail War's 'winner'- if one could even truly call it that.
Sakura, who was awfully tired, elected to go to bed in the spare bedroom just because she'd been hard at work all day. Shirou assured her it was fine and cleaned up the kitchen as he usually did, and meanwhile, Illyasviel wandered around the house.
She hadn't done a lot of exploring. Half because it wasn't very big, and half because she still couldn't get used to being in a place like that. It was different, warmer, more utilitarian, and generally more… human. She simply couldn't get accustomed to it, though she was trying. It wasn't unpleasant, but like a lot of things dealing with her new body and her new environment, it was alien to her.
Normally Taiga was there too, which was a bit of a problem. She was incredibly nice to her, especially when Shirou explained she was Kiritsugu's biological daughter, so it wasn't a matter of how she was treated. Occasionally, the rambunctious woman would look at her with these incredibly sad eyes, and it made her feel uncomfortable or like she had done something wrong. There was an unspoken tension between the two, which lead to Illya sticking to her room and finding something to read, a habit she had held onto since she was a small child. Now, however, she was given a bit more freedom after she wished Sakura goodnight.
She knew she probably wasn't supposed to be snooping about in Shirou's room, but clearly her mischievous side was something inherent to her character and wasn't a result of her being emotionally stunted. She was curious about the boy now that they were living together, especially considering she had time to learn about him and who he was outside the context of potential imminent death.
She liked him, and something about their relationship felt very… natural. Shirou was naturally protective of everyone in his life, to a fault. The Grail War proved that beyond the shadow of a doubt. He even worried for Rin, who had clearly demonstrated she was by and far the most competent of all of them, all things said and done. Naturally this extended to Illya as well, but now it came more organically. He was always a little frightened by the girl because of their first encounter, not that she blamed him any, but any sense of duty he had to keep her safe was now totally unbound. Perhaps it was guilt, but she liked to think he was trying his best at being a sibling. Even though she was older by a year, he was clearly trying to fill the role of 'big brother'- which she appreciated. The recognition of this made her feel like he cared, which was nice, but it allowed her to sort of feel like a proper big sister, despite the obvious contradiction. She sort of entertained him in letting him treat her like she was fragile. She could tell it made him feel better about not being able to save her initially. He was never suffocating and respected her boundaries, but she could tell he was holding back. It was nice, and she would've been lying if she said she didn't find the attempts very charming.
Then there was Rin and Sakura, whom she thankfully also got along with. Setting Rin's kitchen ablaze wasn't that big a deal, thankfully, the girl was trying to be understanding and reign in her notorious temper, something her friends and sister were eager to avoid flaring up. She could tell that she respected Illya as a mage, which gave them a sort of friendly rivalry when it came to how they practiced magic. They had different approaches which led to some stimulating conversations and ideas about how to synthesize their work, which went totally over Shirou and Sakura's heads. Sakura, on the other hand, seemed a bit shy with Illya. She was nice and courteous, of course, but Illya seemed to be the only one she was her old, slightly quieter self around. It had only been a few days, so it was too early to gage, but Illya wanted to do her best to remedy that. Since Rin was going to be taking on Shirou as an apprentice after winter break ended, they had tossed around the idea of Illya helping Sakura when she could properly use her circuits again. Both girls hesitantly said they would be interested, but both knew they'd have to have a sort of 'trial run' to see if they could work together like that.
Regardless, she was content. The past few days had been modest, which she found positively delightful. Domesticity truly did have it's perks.
Shirou's room hardly yielded anything truly juicy or interesting. The boy was organized, simple, and straight as an arrow. Bed was clean, shelves were only half-filled with books, (some literary, some magic-related) and he simply didn't have a lot of possessions. Though, if he did have anything interesting, it would probably be out in the shed where he said he summoned Saber, the place where he often practiced magic.
Illya had very nearly decided to leave the room as she yawned, slightly disappointed she couldn't learn anything further about him from his possessions, until something caught her eye. The moonlight in the window reflected off of a glass surface that hit her eye at just the right spot, getting her attention just as she turned. It was a photograph. The only photograph Shirou had on his bookshelf, from the looks of it.
Upon closer inspection, her heart sank. She should have figured she'd see something like this, somewhere.
It was a photo of Shirou and Kiritsugu.
She hadn't been old enough to properly retain all the memories of her father, but she had some. Mainly because for a while they were all she had. In the photograph, which she tentatively reached out and touched, Kiritsugu wore a casual set of robes right next to a much younger Shirou.
He didn't change all that much from her memory. Deeper set-in eyes, a bit more scruff facial-hair wise, maybe a few pounds heavier, but there was no mistaking it. That was him. Looking at his visage called to mind every memory of him she had. Fragments of voices and words, the feel of his coat that she'd tug to get his attention, the sensation of sitting on his shoulders after he picked her up. Some of the only pleasant memories she had were of him.
But so many more memories of hers were haunted by his absence. A void in her mind.
She felt too many things at once to narrow it down. Happiness at first, but it faded into sadness. That gave way to anger, regret, and even a bitter hatred she hadn't fully let go of. That and… something else. Something that hurt. Something-
"Illya?" Shirou's voice rang out.
Illya jolted upright, finding him in the doorway, unable to form a coherent sentence. She wanted to try and conjure an excuse, but the emotional shock to the system made it difficult for her to do anything of the sort.
Shirou, naturally, just walked up to her to see why she looked mildly distressed. He paid no mind that she was invading his privacy, either because he didn't care or simply didn't even register. Had the light been on, he would've perhaps been more concerned, but he could glean enough from those glassy crimson eyes.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Illya's mouth hung partially open. She simply looked back to the photo a few feet in front of her. Shirou glanced at it, connecting the dots, and immediately felt his stomach sink.
"I'm sorry, I should've put this away," he said, clearly downcast.
Perhaps recent events made him look at this photo in a similar manner to Illya.
She let out a weak smile.
"It's fine, really," she assured him, "It's your room, Shirou. I shouldn't even be in here,"
She tried to dissuade it, but he could tell she was still bothered by it.
"I wish I could… say… o-or do something," he said quietly.
She turned to him, eyebrow raised.
"Do something?" she asked.
He shrugged.
"Yeah." he said, "I mean… I know it must be hard for you. Being here. Seeing stuff like this. Knowing… what you do,"
Illya wanted to disagree, but she wouldn't have been being honest with herself or Shirou. Sometimes it was hard when she thought about her dad.
There was a look in Shirou's eyes she didn't often see. It was pained. There was a struggle there, of sorts. Frustration.
Anger.
"I just don't know… why he'd do it," Shirou said, "Why he'd leave you like that. He wasn't… that wasn't the man I knew. That wasn't my dad,"
She would never have admitted it, but she felt a profound pang of emotional pain when he called Kiritsugu his dad.
"I don't think he was mine either," she said, "the dad I knew wouldn't have done that. He wouldn't have,"
For a moment, neither of them said a word. They simply absorbed the fact that they were on each other's wavelengths, even if it was for opposite reasons. The commonality between them was betrayal. Their hero suddenly felt a lot less like a hero and more like a human who made some truly terrible choices. And naturally, they were the ones who felt the consequences.
"How did he die?" she asked quietly, breaking the silence.
Shirou felt gutted, being asked that, but he remained stalwart. He'd never let that show.
"He got sick," he answered plainly, "Just… sick,"
It was always a mystery to him how it had happened. How a perfectly healthy man nearly in the prime of his life could just pass away like that. Shirou, of all people, knew that fate could deal a cruel hand for no reason whatsoever.
"Was it painful?" she asked meekly.
Shirou shook his head.
"If it was, he hid it well," he said, "I had no idea. Neither did Taiga,"
Another silence. Both of them managed to think outside their own heads with their father, considering how the other must've felt, which didn't lighten the mood, but lended each of them some perspective.
"I'm sorry," Illya said.
Shirou gave a dry chuckle.
"You know, Illya, you sure are making a habit of apologizing when I'm nearly certain I'm the one who should be saying he's sorry," he said.
She smiled faintly.
"I know me being here makes it hard for you," she explained, "I've got all this baggage and… he was your hero,"
He was yours too, Shirou thought.
"He… still is," Shirou said, uncertainty palpable, "At least, I think he is. Against my better judgment,"
It was clearly still weighing on him. Illya definitely underestimated how reality-warping this must've been for him. Shirou's past and future seemed hell-bent on discouraging him from his path, and his confidence in said path.
"Maybe not," Shirou sighed, "Don't know anymore,"
Gravity felt a bit heavier after that. Illya felt like she had done a bit too much damage, even if she was trying to maintain a sense of honesty.
"Maybe we don't need heroes," she said, "We can just sorta… admire what they stood for. Or what we thought they stood for. Cause even if we we wrong about them… if they made us do the right thing, that's all that matters, right?"
She couldn't help but feel a bit too didactic, but she didn't know how else to say it.
Shirou paused, and then nodded, taking a look at Illya, who was still wrought with uncertainty.
"You're right," he said, "I think… maybe it's more about finding the right thing to fight for,"
He gave her a knowing look, which went over her head at first, but eventually it hit her. She blushed, realizing his meaning.
"I know this kinda goes against what I uh… literally just said, but…" Illya said uneasily, "You're my hero, you know that right?"
Shirou was taken aback, by both her words and the utter sincerity with which she spoke them. He could only let out an awkward chuckle.
"Good thing Rin wasn't around to hear that," he said, "She would've gagged. That was schmaltzy even for me,"
She playfully punched his shoulder and laughed while still narrowing her gaze.
"Hey! I meant that!" she insisted.
They both took one last look at the photograph, and then turned to each other.
"I know ya did," Shirou said, his goofy smile becoming an honest one.
He leaned in, wrapping his arms around Illya, hugging her. It was the first time anyone had since the vision of her mother had, and she was so caught off-guard that she could only stand there, stiff as a board. Eventually, she let herself melt into the embrace, returning it. The warmth of another person was another new thing she wasn't used to, though she desperately hoped to change that.
They pulled away, a tear running down Illya's face that she wiped away before Shirou could even notice. He probably would've teased her again, and she didn't want to ruin the moment.
Shirou looked tired, and the recognition of that made Illya yawn. Shirou looked at the clock, seeing it wasn't even that late, but he was exhausted too. Perhaps they'd all just been pushing themselves lately, trying to maintain schedules while dealing with the fallout of the war still. Shirou briefly considered that had it not been for winter break, he would've likely started to become one of the kids who falls asleep in class.
Illya walked toward the door, leaving Shirou to his bed, turning around to say goodnight. There was an unspoken sense of mutual gratitude they were both aware of, but neither said anything.
"Night Shirou," she said.
"Night sis," he said, almost without thinking.
Shirou didn't even realize it, which led to Illya heading down the hall to her room, unable to properly figure out if she should've been laughing or crying. After grabbing a few tissues, she did a little of both, and once Rin finally finished with Waver, she allowed herself a deep, restful sleep, the likes of which she hadn't had in years. The best part, however, was that it was entirely devoid of nightmares. Just peace.
