Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I do not have any rights to Harry Potter and I do not make any money from writing these fics.
A/N: Written for the Procrastinators United Competition, the One Million Words Added Challenge, the Pairing Diversity Boot Camp Challenge, the 335 Pairing Bonanza Challenge, the If You Dare...Continued Challenge, the Twelve Days of Christmas Challenge and the Monopoly Challenge.
Prompts: Anthony Goldstein/Cedrella Black, "After the incident with the others was resolved, I/She/He/We/They felt a lot better", That Is Enough, Humor genre, Floo Network Authority, Golden trio era and a CrackPairing.
Time Travel Via Floo Travel
Anthony Goldstein could not believe his eyes as he stood stone still and watched as a woman whose movements and poise screamed out loudly to him high class pure-blood woman. When he had been looking for a place to sit and think about Cho Chang he had never thought that this amazingly beautiful woman would walk through the fireplace in the Ravenclaw Common Room.
"Oh my, this is not the head office of the Floo Network Authority," the woman said in a shocked voice causing Anthony to silently snort, how could someone mess up the name of that location with the Ravenclaw common room?
As he watched the woman nervously look around the common room Anthony waited until her intelligent black eyes landed on him before stepping forwards and speaking. Secretly he was glad that he had skipped class so they could be alone together.
"It is an honour to meet just a fine woman as you," Anthony said politely causing the woman to look slightly calmer, "Now then, do you not think that is enough of this role play? How about we go up into the dorms, no one is about and-"
"How dare you!" the woman screeched out in shock as her wand suddenly appeared in her hand and aimed at Anthony, "Do you know who I am? How dare you speak like that to me!"
"A very beautiful and dumb woman who won't admit that she said the wrong floo address on purpose so she could have some fun with this handsome stud?" Anthony asked hopefully, maybe his secret wish on his birthday cake last year was coming true.
"My name is Cedrella Black, but you will call me Lady Black," Cedrella ordered, her face going stony as she glared at Anthony, "Now tell me, what magic did you work to kidnap me!"
"I have no idea what you are speaking about but don't you think you are going a bit far with the old fashioned speech and clothes for a fumble in the bedroom?" Anthony asked only to duck as a bright red light flashed over his head, "What did I do?"
"I am not here to satisfy your needs of the flesh," Cedrella snapped out as her pureblood mask began to drop showing an extremely angry woman, "I am here to talk about getting a house connected to the Floo Network and it is best to find out before my family finds out and dose something."
"OOhh, sounds naughty," Anthony said as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "Is this going to be a place for some fun with your lovers?"
The next thing Anthony knew was that a bright purple light hit him and he no longer had a right arm. Instead it was replaced with a purple octopus tentacle with bright yellow suckers.
"That was just a warning, one more word about the pleasures of the body and you will get to know some of the more hurtful Black family curses very well," Cedrella said darkly with a glare on her face that would have even Voldemort running with his tail between his legs, "Now tell me, why is a young man of just high class and wealth that he is able to enter Hogwarts dressed in just horrible clothing for?"
"Horrible clothing? I'll have you know that this is the height of fashion for 1995 and even 1996!" Anthony cried out as a thoughtful expression crossed his face as he looked at what he had for a new arm, "Do you think this will make me more popular with the girls? With you?"
In reply Cedrella simply sent another spell at Anthony, this time causing his other arm to turn into a pink flamingo wing.
"Hey! If this is about you being a Black I do not mind, really," Anthony cried out as he tried to walk over to Cedrella only to find himself stopped by an icy glare, "After the incident with the others was resolved, we felt a lot better."
"The others?" Cedrella asked as her whole body tensed, "What do you mean others?"
"The other Black's," Anthony replied calmly, missing the narrowed look Cedrella was sending him, "The fact that one of them married a Potter and another one married a Weasley helped a lot but when one of them married a Malfoy and another one married a Lestrange we all thought the world was going to end!"
"The world was going to end because people who were in love were getting married?" Cedrella asked darkly her eyes flashing dangerously as she glared at Anthony, "Do you mean it would be better if people just married for power and wealth?"
"Of course not but when they marry they have to keep in mind what sort of family that they are marrying into," Anthony replied, missing the danger he was in, "Now if you marry me we could do this all day!"
Before Cedrella had time to react Anthony leapt forwards and placed an inexperienced kiss on Cedrella's lips before hugging her and running out of the Ravenclaw common room leaving a shell shocked Cedrella standing in front of the fireplace.
Slowly Cedrella raised a hand to her lips and touched them and blinked, "I'll have him," she muttered out as her face went bright red in anger, "How dare he! How dare that boy take advantage of a lady who has travelled through time by the floo! How dare he kiss me! I'll have his head!"
Gathering spells and any other knowledge that she could use to her benefit Cedrella ran out of the Ravenclaw common room not caring who saw her and followed Anthony shooting spells like mad. By the end of the day when Dumbledore, Umbridge and several other Professors stepped in the only part of Anthony Goldstein that was human was his head.
End.
I got the idea I used in this fic while watching Last of the Summer Wine where Compo chases Nora around...so my little attempt at humour.
