CHAPTER NINETEEN

[You're Somebody Else]

HARRY

On September the first the platform was a seething mass of humanity. Every wizard in England seemed to be shoulder to shoulder, in each other's faces, no personal space, no exceptions. There were parents giving their children goodbye hugs, wiping tears from their faces, making sure they had everything they needed before leaving for the next four months. Other parents, mostly ones from long lineages of pureblood aristocratic families, thought they were above such shows of affection and instead settled for solemn faces and belittling attitudes towards the side.

Draco's trolley squeaked next to Harry's as they made their way towards the loading dock. He was fitted with the same glamour as a few days before to not bring attention to himself just in case there were death eaters on prowl. Harry wanted to point out if there really were death eaters he would probably already know and that their main focus would be on the Boy-Who-Lived, not the blonde. Then he realized that probably made him sound ignorant - that Draco was fine and had perfect reason to be worried- and he should keep his mouth shut before he started sounding like Professor Snape.

"Everyone's staring at you," Draco whispered snidely to the left of him. He was doing a horrible job of being inconspicuous for someone who was supposed to be a Slytherin. Harry suggested that he should act like he didn't know him but Malfoy had waved the comment off dismissively saying something about hiding in plain sight.

"Blimey! I wonder why?"

Draco shoves him. "No, you bloody idiot. I mean staring staring."

"Yeah, it's sort of a given part of the name." Harry rolls his eyes and unconsciously tries to move his hair to hide his scar. It did happen to catch his attention there did seem to be more eyes on him than usual. Even some of his own classmates were giving him funny looks. They weren't bad exactly and he took that as a good sign. His first thought was something else had come out in the Prophet he was yet to be informed about.

Then he remembered.

Then he wished he hadn't.

"Harry!" A voice breaks through the chaos. Harry whips around just in time to see a mass of bushy brown hair tunneling towards him.

She ran up to him at lightning speed and pulled Harry closer to her, wrapping her arms around him. Her embrace was warm and her welcoming arms were very protective when wrapped around Harry's frail body.

She pulled away after a long moment and gave him glare then could quite frankly freeze someone down to their underwear if they hadn't been subjected to it since they were eleven. "Merlin and Morgana- Crowley- fucking hell. Where have you been?! I've been worried sick! You could have been hurt! Are you hurt? Dumbledore and the Order-"

"Bloody hell 'Mione, let him breathe!"

He looked over Hermione's shoulder where Ron was pushing both of their trolleys. He seemed to be just as excited and worried as Hermione because his face broke into a grin as soon as he saw Harry's face peaking out.

He gave Harry a quick one-over to make sure he was okay before giving his best friend a brief hug -- not nearly as strong or extravagant as Hermione's -- with a pat on the back. Out of the corner of his vision he saw Malfoy awkwardly stare at them before sinking away into the crowd.

"Come on mate, Remus is going to want to see you."

Harry's stomach does an unpleasant twist. He hadn't seen or heard from Remus since the incident at the Ministry last term. He hadn't even responded to his letter from the inn explaining everything. A darker part of him couldn't blame him- it was his fault his last living best friend had been murdered in cold blood.

Had he just waited a little longer. Had he just listen to someone-

Ron grabbed his bicep absentmindedly to steer him toward wherever they were meeting him which caused Harry to instinctively pull back roughly. If the other noticed he didn't say anything. They knew Harry was always a little jumpy at the start of every term and Harry always had to put it down as his cousin's cruel behavior. They had no idea what really went down in Privet Drive and Harry was hoping to keep it that way.

He looks back over his shoulder where he can just faintly see Draco boarding the train with an expression on his face Harry couldn't place.

"Whadda you looking at?"

"Nothing," Harry says. "No one."

Remus was standing not far from the entrance in a secluded area. He was leading against the wall looking down at his dirty black shoes twirling his wand in his fingers with worry evident on his face. He had a couple more scars than last time and his posture seemed to be launched. The crowd parted around the three just as he lifted his head. As he was Harry his dull eyes lit up in surprise then in relief.

He rubbed his arm self-consciously, suddenly feeling out of place. He had almost managed to not think about his godfather this entire summer but now seeing his old professor standing in front of him was making it all come back. He gulped nervously and clenched the edge of the loose muggle jumper he was wearing.

"I-"

"Harry."

The guilt is ice in his guts. It could be a hundred degrees out and he'd still be frozen on the inside. Harry can't melt it with the way the man was looking at him. He can't even get a word out. It's as if his lungs were frozen and rapidly spreading it to the rest of him as well.

He's pulled into a bone crushing hug once again. The back of his eyes burned slightly in response and he squeezed them shut. It was kind of awkward considering the height difference and Harry's sore stomach but he didn't dare speak that.

"Are you alright?"

Harry didn't know how to answer that question. The answer was obviously 'No'. He doesn't think there was ever a time in his life since Voldemort walked in that the answer to that was a definite yes. But that wasn't really what he was asking though, was it? It was just another form of greeting used when they wanted it to sound like they cared, maybe sometimes people did, but never actually wanted to stay long enough for an answer other than 'good'. Besides, he had just killed his best friend. He shouldn't be causing him more grief than he already had.

"Harry?"

"M' okay."

"Are you sure?"

Harry's throat clogged. He shook his head sadly into the older man's neck.

"I told Dumbledore we shouldn't have let you go back there. It was too soon- I should have known. I'm so sorry."

Harry wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault. Dumbledore always got his way no matter what and it was futile to go against him. He didn't want him to carry any guilt; he just didn't deserve it.

"Where have you been?" He asks after finally pulling back, ruffling Harry's alreadyuntamable hair. Hermione and Ron were standing a few away to give the two some space but were obviously listening in to find out what happened to their best friend. Harry bit his lip uncertain and looked down at his own hole-y shoes that he failed to mend yet.

He knew this was going to happen as soon as he got the Ministry's letter yesterday. He'd already come up with a cover story with Draco's insistence that morning. That didn't stop the frigid feeling in his stomach. Remus finding out about the death eaters was one thing (though he probably already guessed that part a little bit already), but the Dursely's was another. And if Dumbledore knew that was the initial reason he ran away Harry doesn't think he'd be able to handle the disappointment in his mentor's eyes.

"I was being stupid," Harry confessed which wasn't a total lie. He's the one who idiotically decided to talk back to his uncle that evening causing the entire sequence of events after that. "I wasn't thinking straight. With...with everything and I..." Harry took a deep breath. His fingers dug into his pocket where the sharp piece of glass was and wrapped his fingers around it to steady himself from breaking down in the middle of public. He was supposed to be a Gryffindor right? So why was this so hard? "I just missed him. I couldn't stand being there anymore. I was so irritated. Mad all the time. I couldn't... I had to..."

Remus pulls Harry into another hug. "It's alright, Harry. I miss him too."

Harry being 'sad' sounds so childish, like something flimsy, something one should be able to cast off with a happy reflection or the smile of a friend. But 'sad' is nothing of the sort. The ache from Sirius's death sits inside him in a seed of depression, just waiting for the right conditions to grow, to send out roots to choke the hope out of his heart. And right now it seemed to be flourishing under the heavy ache Remus's words left inside him.

"What happened?"

"I left. I went to Diagon Alley. He must have had spies or something or something cause a couple death eaters attacked-" he felt his grip tighten on his shoulder, "- but it was only a couple scratches. See? I'm perfectly fine."

Remus gives him a stern look. "And you didn't bother to tell anyone beforehand? You could have died. Maybe if you somebody else, but Harry you can't do that. You can't just leave everyone in the dark like that. I was worried sick."

"Yes, I know. What I did was bloody stupid. I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again."

The man sighed. His eyes were heavy and his face had more signs of age than any man in his mid thirties should hold. "Contact me next time before you do something again please. My old heart can't take it."

"I sent you a letter though- right before we were attacked. You didn't get it?" Harry frowned. Harry knew random owls were being checked but Hedwig had always been able to avoid being caught before.

"No- wait, we?"

"The other wizards at the inn I mean." Harry lies quickly, hoping he doesn't pick up on the lie with his wolf instincts. Remus gave him a look that lasted a beat too long in his opinion before looking back over his shoulder where now crowds of last minute students were climbing aboard. The Hogwart Express horn went off twice telling others to hurry up.

"You're going to be late. Go to Dumbledore's Office after the feast. I'll be waiting there for you, okay?"

Harry gave a small nod. Remus stood up where he was crouching slightly and gave him a genuine smile. He messes up Harry's hair again.

"Have a good term, Harry. Set up a few pranks for me, will you?"

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

The door to the empty compart flew open giving Harry a third rate heart attack.

"Blimey! Knock would you?"

Drco rolls his eyes before entering fully and shutting the door behind him. His glamor from the platform had run off now and his hair was once back to being slicked down. Harry guessed he probably stole some hair gel from one of the other Slytherin's. Harry had surprisingly almost gotten used to it being loose and oddly found himself missing it.

"Aren't you supposed to be in the prefects carriage with Ron and Hermione?"

He flicked his wand causing the curtains to be pulled down. "Please. It's going to be the same thing as last year. 'Be nice to the eleven-year gremlins, don't go pushing them down stairs, show them to their common room, yadda yadda.'"

"Push them down the stairs?"

Draco shrugs. "You'd be surprised." He sits down on the seat right in front of Harry with all the dignity the heir of the Malfoy line is supposed too. Harry raises his eyebrow.

"You can get caught."

"I can get caught doing almost anything, Potter. It's the matter of being smart enough to avoid so."

Harry didn't know if that was an insult or not. He decided to just ignore it in general.

"What about your friends?"

"They won't even notice I'm gone."

"Oh..."

"What did the Weasel and m- Granger say?"

Harry bit his lip. The two had dragged him into the compartment they had saved and demanded answers as to what happened and why he hadn't answered any of their letters. He said the same thing as he did to Remus but they hardly believed him, poking at every detail under a microscope. Hermione had let out a gasp at the mention of the death eater attack and immediately started going on tangent about possible spies in Diagon Alley and how they could use that to the Order's advantage. Then they asked him about Sirius and he'd come up with a stupid lie saying he was tired just as the prefects whistle went off.

"Worried, that's all."

"Mother henning?"

"Sod off."

"Someone's grumpy."

"Someone's has had people pestering them for the past hour and half straight." Harry glared at the blonde who now was laying himself across the entire seat like he owned it. "Including a certain Slytherin who resembles a ferret."

Draco's face scrunched up only proving Harry's point. "Rude. I only came to check in on you."

"Yeah, sure." Harry mumbles before looking out the window moodily. Draco frowned.

"What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Nothing."

"Somehow I doubt it."

"Come off it please. I'm tired."

"Fine." Draco huffs but still watchful of Harry's sudden change of behavior from this morning. "Take off your shirt."

Harry's head snaps towards him. "What?"

Draco covers a snort of laughter with his hand. "Merlin, your reaction is priceless everytime."

"Stop asking that way. It's weird." Harry grumbles, his face burning with a faint pink over the bridge of his nose. Nevertheless, Harry pulls off his robes and unbuttons his shirt so he can see the inky mark on his stomach.

"When you get your mind out of the gutter then."

"It's not my fault. One would obviously think-"

The door swings open.