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CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
[Sanctified]
DRACO
He was supposed to have come back Sunday night. It was Thursday now and Draco hadn't heard a word from him since. Worry had taken hold of him against his better judgment.
He tried to bid his time well waiting for Harry's friends to drop hints. He hadn't had the right time or place to sneak up on them yet. They talked under their breath and hurried out of class often. It was obvious they knew something but the question was what. It frustrated him to no end.
"Say, do you think Professor Flitwick has to have a stepping tool to please his woman?" Blaise asks.
"Or man." Pansy sniggers next to him.
Draco's swallows deeply. He'd been trying to get back on the Slytherin's side and that meant allowing himself to laugh at the racist and ignorant comments they made. Yesterday he'd picked a fight with a Hufflepuff fourth year at Theo's insistence. And the day before that tripped a first year in the Great Hall. Of course he hated himself for it yet he couldn't bring himself to stop. The cycle was never-ending. He was a coward.
"I don't know. Maybe you should ask him yourself. I heard you're failing charms and he might be willing to extend some extra credit." Draco responded as casually as he could before turning his attention back to the teacher, absentmindedly sucking on the sugar quill as he took notes. It was times like these he wished for the monthly chocolate deliveries. Though, those times were gone along with any correspondence with them at all. They hated him. They acted like he didn't exist. Even if they were horrible people, or that he hated them back, it hurt. More than he thought it would. They were still his parents.
"The Memory Charm, Obliviate, also known as the Forgetfulness Charm, is a charm that can be used to erase specific memories from an individual's mind. They are regularly used if a Muggle witnesses something related to the wizarding world; the Ministry of Magic has Obliviators to remove their memories of the event, such as if a Muggle saw a dragon. Though, let me stress this. It is very different from the charm that creates false memories. Obliviate leaves gaps in the memories that can easily be discovered. However, if you use a charm such as Obliviate Restorarmus we can alter a muggle's memory to what would have happened if they had never been there at all. The longer the period you use this over the more faulty the altered memories get-"
Pansy flicked him in the arm to take his attention off his rapid note-taking. She made a face and pointed down a couple rows where Granger and Weasley sat. She held a finger up to her lips and raised her eyebrow mischievously. Dread filled his stomach. Not knowing when it happened, there was suddenly a loud shout followed by a bang. Flitwick looked up from the board then almost dropped his piece of chalk in surprise.
"Off to the hospital wing Mr. Granger! Up and at em!"
Draco got a good look at what Pansy had done when the Gryfinndor practically fled from the classroom without even packing her bag. Her front teeth were enlarged and her cheeks were puffed wide to resemble a chipmunk. Weasley hopped up after her but not before giving all the Slytherin's, Draco especially, a glare that rivaled Merlin himself. Most of the Slytherins laughed when the door slammed shut. The teacher hopelessly tried to get them to quiet down.
"What the hell, Pansy?" He whisper yells. "She wasn't doing anything."
Blaise elbows him in the side. "Oh come off it. You know it was funny."
Draco bites his tongue to keep from responding.
Flitwick finally lost his temper at the class and toppled off his stack of books. "Aright! Class dismissed! All of you, get out!"
Pansy smirked.
"Not you, Parkinson. You'll be staying behind."
She slumped back in her seat. Draco smirked at her as she stuck her tongue in response.
Draco used the rush of happy teens flooding out the door to escape the other Slytherins. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Weasley turn the corner. He started after him. If Draco had any chance of finding out anything about Harry now was the time.
He lightened his footsteps and broke into a fast past after them, making sure not to be seen. Silently he reached into his bag and brought out Harry's invisibility cloak he'd stolen a couple nights before. He was keeping it on him in hopes to return it when he reappeared. He figured what he was doing counted as a Gryffindor enough action to warrant him using it.
He caught up enough to hear bits of their conversation. Most of it was void of any mention of Harry. Instead, it was just Weasley reassuring her and spitting insults at the Slytherin's.
"I bet it was Malfoy. The slimy git was smirking just before. I saw it."
"I don't care, Ronald!" Granger whines the best she could with her enlarged teeth. "The entire school is already going to know by dinner. Just help me get back to normal before Harry see's and starts a riot."
Draco's ears perk up. Harry was in the castle? His brows furrowed and the self-doubt starts to kick in. Was he being avoided?
"Alright, fine. Reducio!"
Draco winced as Granger shrieked. The cheeks and teeth grew double the size. He knew the charm Pansy had used. It reversed the Reducio spell tenfold. (He'd shown her it when they were twelve and pranked his house-elf).
"Come on. Let's just go see Madam Pomfrey. She's fixed it once, hasn't she?"
"Yes but that's not the point." Nonetheless allowed him to pull her the rest of the way to the hospital wing. Draco considered leaving them to be yet his curiosity got the best of him. They would eventually have to lead him to Harry if Granger's words were anything to come by.
And he was right. As soon as the two stepped in the hospital wing he heard the familiar voice calling out after them.
"What happened!?"
He was laying there on the hospital bed, and game of self-playing Exploding Snap in front of him. He didn't look injured as he was wearing his regular school uniform but Draco knew better. He knew exactly what had happened. His stomach sunk in realization. Harry had gone away for the weekend, of course. There would be no one to deal with the curse. Draco had no idea why he hadn't thought of it already.
Ronald growls and throws his bag down near the foot of the bed. "Malfoy is what. The bastard did it in the middle of class."
Hermione is hurriedly pulled away by Pomfrey and the two boys watch on worriedly.
"Are you sure?" Harry asks. His eyes are a little wide. Draco wished he could throttle the red-head right there.
"No doubt about it. He's been a right foul git ever since you left. Thinks just because you're gone he can do whatever he wants. You really need to get you back on your game Harry so we can give him a taste of his own medicine. He nearly pushed a first year down the stairs yesterday!"
Draco grimaces at the exaggeration as rolls painfully. He wasn't completely wrong, just not in the right sense…
Harry shifts in his bed uncomfortably. "Really?"
"At this rate, it's not that hard to believe what Remus said might actually be true! Not that I ever doubted it anyways. I've seen it coming ever since we were first years."
Dread filled Draco once again. He didn't like where this was going.
"I don't know Ron, that's a bit of a stretch…"
"Why are you defending him? It makes perfect sense! We found him in the bloody curses part in the restricted part of the library for Merlin's sake."
His stomach was rapidly filling with guilt and self-hate. If only Draco could dramatically rip off the cloak and yell that they were wrong. Even if he could, Weasley was seeping more truth in his words than Draco could deny. He was a git. He was there.
But he had a reason…
"I told you. I don't think he was there."
"You don't think. You said it yourself that there was a lot of chaos. And there were eyewitnesses. You can't deny that."
"I don't know, Ron," Harry says, drumming his wand against his thigh. "I don't think we should jump into conclusions."
"He cursed Hermione!"
"Yes, and that doesn't mean he cursed me!"
Draco's blood chilled. There's a phantom pain on his left forearm.
"I don't know what's with you mate. We've had less to go on before. Malfoy worships his father. He's practically a smaller version of him. If anyone's a death eater, it's him."
Harry doesn't respond. And for some reason that hurts.
He knew he shouldn't have, but he comes back. This time it's nearly twelve. The hospital wing is completely deserted. Despite it, Harry is still up. He's fiddling with the broken shard of a mirror again and staring up at the roof.
Harry didn't notice his privacy curtains being pulled aside. Draco was still wearing the cloak in case he ran into someone in the hall. He was somewhat scared to pull it off in fear of Harry's reaction to him.
He examined the box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans he brought with him. There was a small note attached to the top saying 'Get well soon' followed by a charmed drawing of Harry fainting dramatically.
Taking a deep breath, he tossed the box at the distracted boy. Harry jumped nearly ten feet in the air. He reached for his wand on his nightstand and searched the empty air for the intruder. His face lighted when he saw the candy lying on his bed but quickly turned confused again once he read the note.
Draco took his chance and popped his head out from under the cloak. Harry was even more startled the second time. "Good to see you're getting your beauty sleep. You certainly need it."
Harry tried to scowl but his lips couldn't help the tiny crook in the corner. "What are you doing here? How did you know?"
"I'm a Slytherin. We have our ways."
"Yeah," Harry shifted awkwardly. "I know."
You didn't have to be a genius to hear the hesitance in his voice. Draco had come here expecting that obviously. It didn't make it less of a dicey situation. He was still incredibly dreadful at facing those emotions.
"Did you have another episode?" He asks, taking off the cloak and sitting on the end of the bed.
"Yes."
"I thought Granger was supposed to tel-
"She didn't know I was leaving until a couple minutes before. Neither did you. It was a spur of a moment thing. I just didn't think about it in time."
Draco nods understandingly. He knew Harry wanted to say something but was holding back.
"I suppose you're happy now."
Draco's eyebrow quirked. "What do you mean?"
"You wanted me to go to the hospital wing. You got your wish."
"I wanted you to go to the hospital wing on your own free will. I didn't mean like this."
"Yeah, well." Harry dejectedly shrugged his crossed arm and looked away. "Now they know."
"Well, think about it this way. You can get professional help now. There's only so much I, or Granger, can do."
Harry doesn't respond. It sets Draco's nerves on edge. It dawns on him that he has never cared about someone's opinion of him like he did Harry's. There was his father but somehow there was a difference between them he couldn't define. If Harry was mad at him he would know what to do. He hadn't even realized how that happened. Just last month he was alone in all of this but now he couldn't imagine it without him.
"Why are you doing it?"
Draco takes in a panicked breath. "Doing what?"
Harry's fingers ran through his hair showing his stress. "I thought you were different, but… You attacked Ron and Hermione. And those random students. Why?"
Draco knew the answer to that question, he just knew it was the right one.
"I don't know." He lies barely above a whisper. The words 'I thought you were different' ring inside his head.
"That's not an answer."
"I don't know." He repeats. They're like cardboard going down his throat.
"You can't just do bad things and not know why Malfoy. There has to be some reason."
Bad things. Draco's fist open and close at his side. "That's not how it works."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means not everyone can be brave, or loyal, or wise. I'm not you, okay?"
Their eyes meet. Harry's eyes say too much and nothing at the same time. He's confused, and hurt, but trying to refuse himself those emotions. Yet they're also piercing and tear through him as if he was paper.
"You don't want want to do these things. I know it even if you don't. So I will ask you again, why? The truth please."
Draco doesn't want to. The idea of letting it go after all these years was impossible to even fathom. It was like an invisible barrier that kept him closed off.
Draco shook his head. He couldn't do it.
"Fine then." Harry looks away. The expression is cold.
"I really don't know. I don't. I can't help it. I'm not a good person."
Harry's shoulders sag. "No. You aren't."
Draco looks at him hopefully.
"You're just a coward."
Draco breathed in real slow. His hands trembled. It was a low blow. Never had he heard words that cut so deeply. Not even when his father lashed out. The emotional pain wasn't felt the way a cut or curse was It was much different and only he could tell it was there. Sometimes the pain was at the back of his mind like a pulse. This time it pushed itself forward demanding attention. Cutting his heart and mind in half. Stinging with every breath he took.
"I'm sorry."
"I know."
It's quiet. Draco's frozen in place.
Harry suddenly turns around and grabs something off of his opposite bed stand table. It takes a moment for him to realize it was a book. More specifically it was the small, leather-bound one that had must have fallen out of his pocket in the fight at the library. He had realized it wasn't there when he'd gotten back to his dorm that same night.
"Hermione said she found you with this."
Draco carefully nodded. "She was right."
"Open it to the bookmarked page."
He did. At the very top of the page had the title 'Confusulso Impairasis Curse'. There were a couple of pictures pointed out what Draco already guessed before even reading the words. They showed darkness growing on skin.
"The curse," he said breathlessly. "You found a cure?"
Harry looked at him oddly as if weighing his reaction. Apparently, it wasn't the one he had been expecting. "Not exactly."
Draco read over the pages. It was old, dark magic that was normally used in medieval medical practices to paralyze limbs before they were cut off completely so the person would not feel the pain. It was a risky procedure though because if not stopped at the right time it could spread to the patient's heart, causing lethal convulsions. It showed how to cast it but a cure wasn't mentioned.
"Ron and Hermione think you're the one who cast it on me. The book is only more evidence to them."
Draco hid his lack of surprise well. "I didn't. You know I didn't. I was in the restricted section trying to help you."
"I know that, but they don't."
If Draco's heart could beat any faster it would have.
"Listen, Draco, I can't do this if you continue on this way. You can't call my friends' names and bullying people then turning around and being a totally different person to me. I don't know why you do it when it clearly isn't you other than the fact you're scared. You don't have to be like them. Only you choose who you get to be."
It was wrong. It was all wrong. He never got to choose who he was. It was always laid out for him the moment he was born. A silver spoon in his mouth to lure him into being who his father wanted him to be. He had to fit in otherwise he'll be at the receiving end up his father's wand. He was born with a purpose he had no choice in and anything other than that was a fool's errand. Harry always had a choice.
"You don't understand."
"What is there to understand?"
"I've never had a choice. I was born to the Malfoy heir and that's it. I've always had a life planned out for me before I was born. There was no love involved! I'm here for a reason and that's it. Everything else is a pathetic waste of time and always has been. I don't get to choose my friends, or what I eat that day, or who I even marry!"
"You think I don't understand what that feels like? To have your life planned out for you? I've been forced into fame from an event that I don't even remember that nearly kills me every year. I don't choose to end up in danger, it's because some bloody prophecy decided what I'm going to do years before I was born. My entire life was been laid out to kill Voldemort and I never got a say! And you know what happens if I don't? I die! And so does thousands of others!"
It takes a long moment for Draco to process what he said. Harry does too. Harry's eyes go wide in realization.
"Prophecy?" He asks carefully.
Harry swallows deeply and clenches his fist. It was obvious he wasn't supposed to have mentioned it. "It doesn't matter."
"No, I think it does."
"No, it isn't."
Draco had heard of the first half of the prophecy from the death eater meetings he was forced to sit in on. 'Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal.' He'd already known Harry was the Chosen One, but the second half was thought to be lost. It sent a shockwave through him. If Harry was implying what he thought, he was being forced against his wishes to kill the most powerful wizard alive. Draco had never thought of the two situations of ever being familiar. Suddenly, he felt childish.
"My point is, you have things you're forced to do. Sometimes you can't help that. But you can control the way you react to them."
Draco nodded meticulously.
