CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
[Icarus]
DRACO
"It was just a fly. I don't the issue."
"The issue? The issue? There's a war brewing, Draco. Your foolishness is insufferable and gone are far enough. Did you think about what would have happened if you were spotted? No, you hadn't. The silver spoon in your mouth was spoiled your head rotten. There is a price on your head and you will be conscious of it."
Draco crossed his arms with a scoff. It was easy to rebuttal his godfather's rantings when he already expected him to be a snobbish, ignorant prat. The cards were almost too easy to play.
"I was conscious of it. It wasn't as if they would have seen me. It was only a couple miles."
Snape slams down his wand on his desk. Draco doesn't even blink at the man's calm but collected anger. Instead, he takes the option of looking up at bookshelves surrounding them in the candlelit office.
"And yet there was an attack inside of the school. Do you really think the Dark Lord wouldn't have gotten to you just because it was a few miles? What do you think is stopping me from grabbing you right now and delivering you to him right now?"
Draco's hand flew to his wand and his eyes snapped to his godfather's."You wouldn't. You can't risk your position."
"Get it through your thick skull. The Dark Lord does not care! Life is meaningless to him. You out all people should know that! You knew that when you took the part and you knew that when you decided to cowardly run away."
Draco doesn't correct him on how wrong the statement was. There was no point. He would only hear what he wanted to hear, just like his father. He knew fair well what a life was worth to the person he had been forced allegiance to. The memory of tortured screams from the cellar as he ate his dinner still haunted his dreams.
"We can't accept what we don't choose," Draco looks up into the cold black eyes.
Snape lets out a growl of frustration. "Do you have any idea of a mess you have caused? Selfish boy. Did you think of the consequences? You've done nothing but delay the inevitable. He will get what he wants and you will suffer for it along with will the hundreds of others because of you. You have caused people to needlessly suffer for you. Your ignorance of life frankly appalls me. Stop playing the victim card because you have no right. "
On another day the words would come back to haunt him. For now, all Draco would do was let the anger and teenage angst come off him in waves. Had it been his father he would have shut up and nodded, afraid of seeing a wand at the tip of his nose. But this was Severus and while his father expected him to succeed, he'd always thought Draco was too weak. "I didn't choose for this to happen!"
"That's not the point! It doesn't matter if you like what you're doing. You had a part and you failed to uphold it. Responsibility and choice don't walk hand and hand and certainly not in the breeze you've been hiding your arrogance away in."
"I didn't say that it did! None of this would have happened if he didn't force my hand!"
Snape shook his head. "Are you able to even look past that self-centered hole you call logic? The world doesn't revolve around you."
Draco rolled his eyes and looked away. He hated him. So much. "That's not even the point of this conversation."
"Correct. Detention. For the next two weeks and twenty points away from Slytherin. We'll see exactly how important those hands are when they're scrubbing first-year cauldrons spotless."
Draco gaped at him. "You can't do that!"
"And why exactly not? You left school grounds without permission. If I had any right of mind I would have contacted your father immediately."
Draco stiffened. His father was the last person he wanted to know. But there was a sickening question that had been bugging him for the past couple weeks he couldn't help but ask. "Where exactly is my father?"
Snape sneered at him. "Of course you don't know. Your choices don't matter until they affect you personally, do they? Your father is indisposed. He hasn't been seen since your stunt in knockturn alley. No doubt caused by your… shall we say bravery fighting back." He says the word as if it's poison against his tastebuds. Draco wished he would hex the man right then and there. He hated sitting here and doing nothing as his pride was mocked time and time again. Yet he would. His father had cursed it into him more than enough for him to keep his mouth shut.
Draco truthfully didn't know what to make of the new information. One upon a time, the beginning of the school even (it was only about two months but it seemed like a lifetime ago with all the changes), he might have felt upset or guilty. He used to break into cycles of where he hated himself from not loving his father. He would rationalize the man would be trying his best for him and he simply was not grateful enough. Draco hadn't realized it until that very second that he hadn't felt that way in a long time. Looking back at it, he even cringed. It made him realize he changed quite a bit within the past couple of months without realizing it. Harry had been there. His heart throbbed in emotion for the boy.
Lucius Malfoy was missing. And he didn't care. It felt enthralling.
Draco subconsciously rubs his left forearm and winces at the pain. It was covered up by his usual dress-shirt and robes. There hadn't been a single time this year he hadn't been seen wearing anything other than a long-sleeves. He was hyper-vigilant about it being seen at all times. It was his biggest insecurity drawn where anyone could see it. As of now, the mark was irritated. A normal occurrence in the past weeks. It happened every time he ignored a call. It rose above the skin and the edges around it were bright red. Touching it sent a pulse of agony into his bones.
Snape watched him and smirked. "Enjoying your prize now, are we? You wouldn't have run off without some sort of souvenir."
Draco fixed himself with a growl. "Shove off."
Snape clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "Language."
"Shove off, sir." Draco corrects with a glare.
"Do you want to make that three weeks of detention?"
Draco rolled his eyes and looked at the wall but opted to stay silent. Two weeks' detention was already bad enough. He doubted he would be able to see Harry at all with everything he would drown in.
Out of nowhere, Snape slammed a bottle onto the desk. He hadn't even seen where it had come from. "Believe it or not, your safety is in my hands. I'm not going to let you wander around giving anyone a second glance at your behavior a free ticket to get you into Azkaban. Especially not with the little stunt you played. Everyone will already think of you capable of Bell's incident the other day. I say you should suffer with that as a penalty for your actions seeing as words don't seem to make it into that dense skull of yours, but the Dark Lord still has use of you." Snape ridicules. "What are waiting for? Give me your arm!"
Draco reluctantly held out his arm for the older man to take. He has to look away as his sleeve is pushed up so the man can apply the paste. The only ever time he looks at it is the darkness of the night when the self-loathing kicks in.
"And who says I didn't curse her?" He hadn't; the thought brought him to his knees in self-deprecation. But as Severus said, he had a role to play, and self-absorbed little brat he would have to be until it blew over. No one saw what they didn't expect to see… only Harry did that.
"Please. You may have a sharp mind but you lack the skill. You could have never pulled off such a clever trick."
Dick.
"Then what did happen to her?" Draco asks, pulling down his sleeve again when his godfather is finally done. The swelling had gone down greatly in seconds. "Do you know who did it?"
Severus waves his wand to vanish the bottle. With another wave of his wand the cure is disillusioned, something he idiotically never thought of before. "That is none of your business and I advise you to stay out of it if you knew what was best for you."
Draco puts on the best spoiled-kid not getting what he wanted face he had. He had enough experience to know exactly what that was. "You're the ones upset at not following the Dark Lord and now you're upset about me taking an interest in the dark arts as well? That's contradictory you know."
"If you had enough sense you would know that's not the case," Severus scowls. "You're dismissed. Meet me here at 6:30 sharp after dinner tomorrow for your detention."
Draco huffs. "All I did was take a fly-"
"Dismissed."
He heard them before he spotted them.
He was on his way to Charms when a loud laugh caught his ear. He knew without that it was Harry's from their late-nights spent together. Up ahead the three Gryffindors turned into the otherwise abandoned hallway. It was just the four of them. It spelled out for trouble.
Seeing him made his heart do a funny ache. Hearing his voice made his stomach do a flip. Draco usually didn't let his emotions take ahold of him, his childhood made sure of that, but he simply couldn't help it. It hurt… but in a way Draco didn't mind. His eyes, soft but strong, could tell a whole story just by looking at them. And the way he moves. He trots along, effortlessly looking perfect. Once he might have mistaken it for jealousy. Perhaps he always did.
The three of them start to slow down and whisper among themselves when they spot him. Draco's conflicted on what to do: ignore them or keep up appearances? They had an unspoken agreement to keep whatever they had between themselves and wouldn't not doing anything be suspicious? Just as he thought in Severus' office, it was easier to be something when they already made an assumption on him. It would be easier to keep playing that part for both of them.
One look at Harry and torn face told him he wasn't going to be able to do that.
'You don't have to be like them. Only you choose who you get to be.'
Draco continued down the hallway with his head held high, completely ignoring the trio. If he was going to make a change in his life, he had to start somewhere. Even if it was small, even if it was the appalling baby steps, he would get through it.
He held his breath as he walked past. He ignored Harry's eyes on him and Weasley's harsh scoffs under his breath as Granger lectured him. He was almost down the hall when his feet were wiped out from underneath him. With a sickening crack, Draco's knee's buckled and crashed to the stone tile. The rest of his body came tumbling down with it. The pain shot through him in waves but he refused to curse out.
He was used to being in this position of helplessness, but that didn't mean he was any less numb to the frustration that piled up within him. He shot a glare behind him to see who had shot the tripping hex. The trio had stopped near the opposite end of the hall, Weasley with his wand out and Hermione looking at him with a mix of shock and dismay. He knew it wasn't for his own sake. Behind them was Harry, his focus centered on Draco laying on the floor. He didn't move to help him. Draco didn't expect him to. It was obvious the brunet was torn.
Draco physically bit hit tongue to prevent himself from lashing out. He wanted nothing more to turn around and hex the redhead into the ground for wounding his pride. It was like a snake coiling back, ready to pounce on its's prey.
He knew Harry couldn't help him if they wanted to keep the whole thing a secret, but the couldn't deny the deep ache that went through his chest when Harry didn't move to stop them. It was stupid, he knew. It almost wished he could go back into the emotional stupor he once locked himself in.
He took a deep breath.
And he looked away.
If acted on his impulse it'll only come back to haunt him. Draco was like Icarus, he flew too close to the sun. He would think himself invincible until the wax melted from his wings. He would be too busy enjoying his flight to even notice. He supposed pride did that, it blinds you to your own demise. Before he would know it he would be crashing down toward the angry sea.
He pulled himself up with the stone walls with an elegance taught to him by years of etiquette tutors. He swooped down to grab his wand and bag that fell down with him. A couple books had escaped and flown down a couple meters down the hall.
"Ronald!" Granger shrieks, breaking the silence. "Why on earth-"
Ron looks embarrassed at her actions as the witch the ridicules him. "He was strutting around like he owned the place!"
Harry's gaze finally breaks from Draco to his best friend and he shook his head. "He wasn't doing anything. That makes you just as bad as the rest of them. "
Ron shuts up with a huff but doesn't move to put his wand up.
Just like the rest of them.
He had to remember Harry didn't mean it.
"Nice shot, Weasley. Didn't know you had it in you. How about a one-on-one? I can keep my back turned if it's easier for you," said Draco. His eyes met Harry's for a brief second before he tore them away harshly. The words weren't nearly as sharp as some other words that had boiled up inside him he could have chosen. He would have shoved the whirlpool of emotions someplace where he could have disposed of the property later on, but he supposed if he didn't say something it would be more suspicious than not. Instead would harness them. It wasn't exactly acting on his pride, was it?
Weasley sneered at him, "You're the one of talk. You wouldn't hesitate the curse someone even if they were on their deathbed!"
Draco scoffed and turned away. "Right. I would keep listening to Potty there; you can join the team if you'd like. A change of attire will be necessary." He waved his hand at his hand-me-down robes. "We even have showers. You know, those things that clean people?"
Not looking away from the redhead, Draco sensed Harry had taken a surprise step backward. Draco purposefully doesn't look at him, afraid of what his reaction would be.
Granger steps in before Ron could draw his wand. "Don't you have someplace to be, Malfoy?" Her stare is piercing and unforgiving.
Draco gives one last hard glower at Harry's two best friends before turning his back once again. He hears them do the same with mutterings coming from Ronald. He casts a wordless protego just in case one of them gets the idea to hex him again.
His throat felt clogged and his brain was racing. He didn't know if he had just overstepped or not. Draco refused to think about what Harry and his next conversation would include.
'My point is, you have things you're forced to do. Sometimes you can't help that. But you can control the way you react to them.'
