CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

[I Found]

DRACO

With the start of November came an avalanche of homework. Teachers seemed to think they needed to start cramming for the end-of-the-semester exams despite them being weeks away. Draco didn't mind very much (only after his detentions had subsided) because it gave something solid for his brain to focus on other than Brambles's reappearance, his father's absence, his mother's lack of communication, or for Merlin's sake, Harry's impeccably messy hair.

Draco had never been much of an affectionate person. At age five he'd demanded his mother stop kissing his cheek because he was 'too grown-up'. Perhaps it was his father's blood because he sure as hell didn't express his emotions either (he debated whether he had any to begin with). Draco liked to think of himself a bit more formal or reserved than that. He was much more accustomed to exchanging pleasantries and saying what he meant without physically acting. He didn't like impulse. He was a Slytherin for a reason.

And yet, Harry-fucking-Potter seemed to be an exception of the rules once again. It had been nearly two weeks since he'd almost kissed the other at the top of the tower right before the Halloween feast. Now it seemed all he could think about. It was infuriating.

He hadn't been able to help it. Harry had been staring at him and Draco's mind had gone on autopilot before he could help it. Had it not been for the sudden panic that he probably shouldn't do such on the same day Harry's parents had been slaughtered by the same man Draco was forced allegiance to, he would have done it. And it felt like stabbing him in the back.

And besides. Harry was a boy.

The thought led him to subconsciously scratching at the mark. He looked around the library to see if anyone had noticed. There was only Pansy sitting across from him. If his anxiety for it wasn't bad before Severus' lecture, it was now. He'd taken to disillusioning it every couple hours for good measure.

"What are you doing here if you aren't going to study?" Draco finally snaps when her finger drumming reaches its peak. She was ignoring the book she dragged out under the title 'Magical Remedies and Broken Charms' and was instead opting to stare at Granger over Draco's shoulder a couple tables down. Draco figured this was another one of her hopeless quests for 'true love'. Not that Draco was much better.

"Inspecting future prospects."

Blaise snorts next to him. "Your only future prospects are a couple self-pleasuring spells that will remain unnamed for the sake of Draco's innocent ears."

Pansy stomped on his foot under the table. "Why in Salazar's name would I be interested in some mudblood?"

Draco shrunk back a little. He swore he could disappear out of existence out of pure guilt whenever the slur came out of either of their mouths.

"Pigs dance with whoever is muddiest," Blasie responds without even blinking an eye.

What were the words again? Imposter syndrome? Draco felt his entire life revolved around it.

"Bold words, Zabini. Especially seeing as you're the one who needs to keep it in their pants." Draco says, flipping the page of his textbook. He was absent-mindedly sucking on a sugar quill.

"Did you hear about Millicent and Goyle?" Pansy suddenly interjects. "They were caught snogging in one of the abandoned broom closets by Peeves after the feast. Quite the couple they make, actually. all brawn and little brain. I tried to get Millicent to spill but she only grunted in response. Her loss, really."

The topic quickly escaped from there. Pansy broke off in tangents about the random school drama before Blasie was able to steer it away to Quidditch. A fight soon broke out between who would win the first quidditch game of the year between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Draco had no doubts who would win himself, not that he could say it without looking like a traitor (more than he already was). Harry had been placed back on the team last week when the potion was finally finished. If anyone had any questions about where the ingredients had come from, Harry certainly hadn't mentioned it yet. As far as Draco knew their secret was still in the dark.

Draco was writing down a line of text from his herbology text when his hand suddenly jerked heavily. A thick line of ink tore through his notes where his hand had spasmed. He yanked it back in surprise.

"Jumpy, are we? I told you not to eat all that sugar. If I ate like you my mother would have a fit!"

Draco gave her a glare. "That wasn't me."

Blaise arched an eyebrow. "I'm not going to let you borrow my homework if that's what you're thinking."

"No, really-"

Just then, his elbowed jerked again and knocked over the inkpot. It spilled over the text and over the table, causing Pansy to shriek and jump back. A couple students stopped to look at them.

"You idiot! This is a brand new skirt!"

Basie rolled his eyes and cast a quick scourgify on all of them. The book was beyond repair. "If you wanted to get into her knickers that bad Draco all you would have to do is ask nicely. No need to take the extra steps."

Draco pushed his chair back and looked around the packed library. He was hexed, he knew it.

His feet gave out from underneath him. Had it not been for Blasie's quick reflexes to catch him he would have easily fallen on his arse. Draco's face turned a very subtle shade of pink.

"Who the hell-"

"I don't know." Draco hissed. Blaise helped him back in his chair gently. The three scanned the room for suspects. No one had seemed to notice Draco's slip-up being too absorbed in their work.

Draco's eyes narrow when he meets a familiar set of hazel ones. Fury boiled up inside him.

Across the library was Yatin Bhagat, his signature crude smirk playing on his lips as he played with Draco for his amusement. He could read him like the cover of a book. The smile - callous - he was eager to prove his superiority to them. Draco hated feeling played with, especially by people as boot-licking as the fifth year was.

His smirk only seemed to grow when he marched over to him. Pansy and Blaise flanked his sides. They seemed to believe them now that they saw the facial expression on the boy.

"Oh hello! I was about to start studying up on my charms theory for next year. It's a little advanced but Flitwick always did tell me I was bright for my age."

"Cut the shit, Bhagat. What do you want?" It was Pansy who spoke first. If Draco didn't know any better he would have said her loyalty would have rivaled a Hufflepuff. It might have been a redeeming quality had it not been misplaced in a pure-blood hierarchy as well.

"I have no idea what you mean." Yatin smiled. Draco glared in response.

"Spit it out before this ends up being last our last encounter. Three against one, right?"

Both of them turned and gave him a searching look. Draco hadn't told them about that. He saw no point.

Yatin's eyes narrowed then he looked around the library for onlookers. "Fine then. Sit."

None of them moved.

Yatin shrugged. "Suit it yourself then. Didn't enjoy being treated like a ragdoll, I see? I wouldn't know how that would feel."

Draco rolled his eyes. The boy was overdramatic and petty over something that had happened years ago. Had Draco asked that way his father would have already cut off his head. He also supposed this would have been exactly he had turned out had he not woken up sooner. "Get over it. Triviality doesn't suit the green on your robes."

Yatin tilted his head. "I just figured you would want to hear the good news."

"That you've finally decided to withdraw from Hogwarts and pursue your life long dream of starting a bat dung farm?" Snipped Pansy. They had just as much hate for him as Draco did. He was a leech on all their sides.

Yatin only hummed. "No, not yet. Maybe in the future though. I heard it can be sold in some countries for quite a catch. Of course I couldn't be caught dead doing the dirty work. I'll be willing to hire you of course. If you desired."

"Holy Merlin," Blaise replied, "you're even worse at comebacks that Draco is. Just get on with it, please. I have places to be."

Both Draco and Yatin glared at the dark-skinned wizard.

"As you wish. I always knew I'll have admires one day," Yatin said with another smirk. Draco internally beat his head against a desk. The boy was a narcissist at his very core.

"I was going to say that you don't have to worry your pretty little hide anymore over the Dark Lord. He's finally realized you're not worth it. Never were. He's finally realized he had more… valuable people on his side." Yatin's fingers danced over his sleeved left-forearm when he talked.

Draco hissed and looked around to see if anyone had heard him. Was he crazy talking about him in such a public place? Or was he simply that self-centered he didn't think it would matter?

Beside him, Pansy made a face of pure disbelief. "You? He accepted you? You're- well you. What the hell do you have to offer? You're a half-blood! You're not even of age!" She whispered yelled. Her fists were clenched at her sides. "What do you have-"

"That you don't? I think you can answer that yourself. Why would he accept a traitor," his eyes cut into Draco, "who doesn't know when they should pick a side and stick to it."

Pansy looks between him and Yatin. She wouldn't normally be caught dead being caught in indecision but the boy's words seemed to be enough to send her stumbling.

Draco processed the slimy git's words. It didn't seem possible that Voldemort would choose someone like him.

"You're lying," says Draco. It comes out before he could stop it.

Yatin looks up, momentarily surprised. "Perhaps. You wouldn't know. I suppose we'll have to wait until the holidays break to see."

Draco's wand tapped the side of his leg. The more the boy talked the more he wanted to hex him. His 'he would have to be the better person' thing he had going on didn't count when the person in question was already an utter ass. But Draco had to admit, he had a way of having people hang onto his words.

"Explain," demanded Pansy rather harshly.

Yatin shrugged tauntingly and went back to his work. "I suppose your mummies hadn't thought you important enough to tell you yet. I'm sure he'll have room for you somewhere if you beg. I heard the official boot-polisher job is up for grabs."

Draco growled and turned away with distaste. There was no point, they weren't going to get any information anyways. Yatin was just the type of person who would make up such a lie to make himself look good.

Draco didn't wait up for his friends who called after him. He snatched up his bag by his table and showed his work inside quickly. His rigid form exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent. None of them understood - and they only wood when it would be too late. They didn't see people dying on their dinner table. They didn't have to hear tortured screams in their childhood home. It was a joke, a game, to them. That angered him to no extent.

Draco pushed past someone roughly on his way out the door. Only when he looked back halfway down the hall did he realize it was Ginny Weasley. Harry was with her, smiling as if she said a joke. The cherry on top of the cake was when the girl laid a hand on his arm. If Draco's face could have hardened any more, it was definitely in that moment.

He didn't take a moment to gauge Harry's reaction. He turned and stormed down the corridor.

HARRY

"Are you okay?"

Ginny was next to him. They were both on the way to the library to meet Hermione. Ever since he'd been put back on the quidditch team and he'd been finally been given the cure, Harry had been drowning underneath piles of homework. Particularly Defense. Snape seemed to be to taking his revenge out on him for 'wasting his precious time'.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know… you just seem different ever since term started. I meant to ask on Halloween, with your parents and all, I just never got the chance. And with, well, last year…"

Harry's fingers subconsciously reach into his pocket for the glass mirror shard he'd gotten used to carrying around with him. It kept him grounded any time the topic of his godfather came about.

"I'm fine. Really."

If he was going to be completely honest with himself, Halloween had never bothered him. Logically he knew it was the day both his parents had been murdered. Maybe it would be different if he actually grew up knowing the date of his parents' deaths it would be different. Uncle Petunia, and especially Vernon, never thought to tell him anything about his parents other than they were 'menaces to society'. It had been just another day filled with chores and bruises for him up until he got his letter. He supposed he never grew out of it. And, even then, what did the date matter in any of it? If they were dead, they were dead. The date didn't change anything.

"Are you sure? Mum had the idea that we should let you be and take your own time. I thought it was rubbish of course. I think you've had more than enough happen for someone to acknowledge what you've been through."

Harry nodded stiffly. He had honestly no idea why this topic of conversation was being brought up now.

"Anyways, you didn't miss anything last summer. It wasn't the same he same without Sirius taunting mum and riling up the twins in some prank. Fred and George did come to visit and snuck Remus some blubbering chocolate they're been working on to cheer him up though. He started talking about Dumbledore's underpants right in front of the entire Order. Mum wasn't very pleased but it definitely put everyone in a good mood…"

That lightens the mood quite a bit. Harry cracked a crooked grin at the redhead and she smiled back. She had always been able to lighten the mood when Hermione and Ron failed to. That was one thing he'd admired about her.

They were almost at the door to the library when Someone came flying out of the library. Harry didn't get to catch their face before Ginny was speaking again. She placed a hand on his upper arm, a couple inches from his shoulder. "I'm serious. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I don't care if it's even my brother being a git again. I'll be sure to sock him in the mouth if you'd like." She said it with a smirk which wasn't usually considering they both knew Ron.

Harry looked down at the hand. It was a strangely affectionate gesture they left him feeling... uncomfortable. Sure, Ginny was pretty and all that but he could never see her that way. She was like a sister to him. Besides, the only people who had ever done that before was Cedric. He felt horrible comparing the two.

Harry nodded awkwardly with a smile but slunk away from the touch as discreetly as possible. Ginny seemed to understand nonetheless and took a step back without hesitation. She instead starting going off about the quidditch game tomorrow to distract both of them from the discomfort.

They joined Ron, Hermione, Luna, and Neville in the library after that. Ron's eyes narrowed slightly when the two of them came in together but whatever he had in mind he didn't comment on it.

"There you are," said Hermione. "Practice ended aged ago, where were you?"

Ginny sat her book down on the table next to Harry. "Harry was a nervous wreck about the game tomorrow and decided he needed to stay behind in the pouring rain to play an extra couple seeker drills."

Harry made a face. "Only because someone decided to kick me off the team for a week. I was rusty-"

"Bullshit. You caught the snitch every time! You just wanted to play another match. I had to wait out with you to make sure you didn't fall on your arse again."

"Ginny!" Ron exclaims.

"What?" She exclaims. "I'm fifteen Ronald. You're not going to have a heart attack from me cursing once, will it? You're worse than Grandma Rose."

Harry snickered and made a mocking impression of Ron's 'bloody hell!' sending the table in a fit of laughter. Madam Pince had to send them a warning glare.

"Did you see Malfoy?" Neville asks when the conversation finally settles down. "He just went flying out of the library right before you came in. I didn't see what caused it but he looked mad…"

Ron snorted. "He probably realized he can't bully first-years after he graduates."

Luna hums some off-tune song down at her homework. "I don't think so. He was rather upset. I think you should steer clear of him. Gulping Plimpies are contagious. They can make you say do things you don't mean."

Harry looks back at the door. He hadn't even noticed Draco leave. A flicker of guilt seated itself inside him.

BANG

Harry threw back his head in laughter at Ron's face. The exploding snap cards they'd been playing with had exploded directly in his face. His hair was blown back and his face was comically covered in soot.

"No fair! You tilted the bed!"

Harry stifled a laugh. "No I didn't."

Ron threw a pillow at him which he blocked with his own. On the other side of the dorm Dean cursed and pulled his pillow over his head. "Could you two please shut up?"

Harry shook the excess ash from his hair. Ron cast a cast scourgify on both of them and he muttered a quick thanks.

"He's right. We shouldn't disturb his beauty sleep. He certainly needs it." Harry had been spending to much time with Draco recently. He could partially feel himself becoming come sarcastic every day.

Nonetheless, the two of them decided Dean was probably right despite it being a weekend. Harry was becoming increasingly more tired during the day with his visits with Draco. It was nearly twelve and he had a game the next day.

They began getting ready for bed. Harry was gathering his clothes to take a shower when Ron told him to wait. He looked nervously back at their other dorm mates on the other side of the room who were once again passed out. The tips of hears were gradually turning pink.

"Um, you're not… you… you know… shagging Ginny, are you?"

Harry blinked. His mind had gone blank in shocked confusion. It felt as if there was a loading symbol in his head from one of his cousin's old video games. Then all of a sudden he starts laughing. He blamed the sleep depravation. "Ginny? You think I'm..."

Ron's face turned beet red as he pulled his pajamas. Closer to his chest. "Right. I thought so. Blokes and all…"

"How on earth did you think that in the first place?" Harry laughed, leaning against the bathroom doorframe.

Ron shifted awkwardly. "Well, I may be a heavy sleeper but I'm not that dumb… I hear you sneak out some nights. I, uh, just didn't comment about it because it seemed kind of... personal. There are somethings you don't even tell your best mate about."

Harry paused. His mood automatically did a one-eighty. The was a bubble of panic building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of his stomach. "What do you mean?"

Ron scratched the back of his neck. "I thought you were sneaking out to meet someone. I figured you probably wanted privacy about something like that. But yesterday I saw something on Ginny's neck, and earlier today..."

Harry nervously let out a low laugh. "No way. You should know that. She's like a sister. She's your sister. That's… No. No way. Besides, if Ginny heard you just now she would probably be sneezing bats for a week."

"I guess. She's fancied you forever and I went off on a whim... It was pretty stupid, wasn't it? And Cedric."

Harry winced at the name. In the past two years the pain had become more of a dull throb. He hasn't thought much of relationships since and he was fine with that. He had more important things going on, didn't he? He had the weight of the entire wizarding world on his shoulders. Besides, he doesn't want it to admit it to himself but the idea of dating someone else still felt too much like stabbing Cedric in the back.

"I guess."

Ron nodded understandingly, looking down at his hands. "Then… who are you going to? If you are, I mean."

Harry rapped his fingers against his thigh. He raked his head for an excuse. He briefly wondered whether Draco had had the same problem yet.

"I'm not meeting anyone," says Harry. "I'm going on walks. They help. With the nightmares."

"For hours at a time?"

Harry nods. "The stars, uh, help."

It technically wasn't a complete lie. The stars did help. Just not in the way neither of them could expect.

"Oh," Ron says. "I guess that makes sense. And canis major-"

"The Sirius star. I know."

There's a deep understanding when their eyes meet. "Ok. As long as it helps. Try to come back at a reasonable time, though, okay? There's no point if you miss out on your sleep entirely."

Harry lets out a sigh of relief. "I promise."