Kat's point of view
How could I intentionally hurt her again? I just left her there in that hotel room, after having made love to her. I was scared, scared that I allowed myself to love her back. I am a married woman. Since day one, I knew that Dominique was in complete love with me and I will admit I fed off of that knowing she was so in love with me. But, then I began to have feelings for her to the point that it scared me. Those feelings drove a wedge between us. I could no longer be near her, or even allow myself to be friendly with her. With me, it was all about being dead to her. I thought with time and distance, I could erase the feelings I had for her. Maybe if I made her hate me, than I would be able to feel like I had no hope of ever being with her. But the more I tried to drive her away from me, the more I wanted to be with her. I have caused her so much pain these last few years, how could I ever expect her to react any different as she had today. Playing her words over and over in my mind, " I hate you, Kat." My first thought was mission accomplished, now there was no forgiveness or turning back, it was over between us. I had destroyed the possibility of her ever being mine.
I should feel happy, but I didn't. I felt more loss then ever before. Every kiss and every touch played over and over in my mind since that night we were together.
Day 2 Onset
Dominique and I were all onset to film the kitchen sex scene together. Dominique continued through rehearsals like nothing had ever happened between us. She was simply professional. Usually, I could instantly effect her with a look or a touch but something had changed in her. That something, was killing me inside. It was like I wasn't even there, it was like working with a complete stranger. Both Emily and Poalo noticed it too, we filmed that kissing scene 20 or more times. Poalo kept saying, "Girls, I can not see the love. Let's try it again." It was all hopeless, the magic was gone. I was dead to her.
That evening, I saw her laughing while talking to Mel. I love her laugh and remember how she was silly with me and we'd laugh for hours. As I passed them both, I looked down at the ground as I passed right in front of them. Neither one said a word to me as they continued talking. I was nonexistent.
Why did I care. Why did their non-acknowledgment hurt me. This is what I had hope to accomplish all these years. In my trailer, I cried like I had never cried before. Getting ready to catch my ride home, my face was a complete mess. As we were loading, Mel sat in the seat across from me. As the driver drove, I heard Mel say, "Can we talk?" I looked at the driver and Mel understood that I wanted to talk but I needed it to be somewhere with more privacy. As the driver pulled up in front of my house, I asked Mel to come by my house tomorrow around noon. I would be alone as my husband would be away on business for a few days.
Like clock work, Mel came over. I felt nervous knowing that this might not be a pleasant conversation. She said, "Shall I start?" I knotted my head. She began by saying that Dom had told her everything. She knew about how I hurt her hand and broke her heart after we had slept together. I sighed. Mel said, "I just don't understand why you'd hurt yourself and her like this. You know she didn't deserve any of what you have put her through."
I just knotted my head in confirmation, but deep down I couldn't let her go. Since that night, she is all I think about. I made up my mind, I cant and wont let her go.
After Mel left, I needed to talk to Dominique. I sent her a text message and begged her to meet with me. I knew she might not respond but I needed to try. A few minutes after I sent her the text, Dominique responded. It read, where, when, and what time? I responded with my address 1238 Park Ave, Apt 1 at 7 pm.
