CHAPTER 2
'Separation is an optical illusion of Consciousness'
-Albert Einstein
Ugh!
Harry looked into the mirror for the nth time but was still not completely satisfied with his appearance for some reason. He was fully dressed in one of the most expensive coats he usually reserved for important business conferences, but his mother had influenced him to try on for this blind date.
Frankly, he didn't entertain the idea of dressing in such a way that could attract girls with the wrong intentions, not that it had ever attracted girls towards him at all, Cami was the only exception. As reluctant as he was to put too much effort on his appearance for the date, he still wasn't content with it either.
He'd been dating Camilla since their first year of college and seemed to forget that he'd once been an insecure nerd who always struggled to fit into the world around him. His sudden obsession with a perfect 'look' for this date made him realize that maybe he hadn't really grown out of that stage...even with the passage of time. Being with Camilla had made him loosen up on his self-awareness.
She'd loved him genuinely for him to care about proving himself to anyone else, but she was gone now, and it counted as one of the many effects of her death.
Brushing his hair from his face, he pulled the ends of his coat, sliding the buttons in their respective holes. This had to be good enough for a first impression, right? Besides, if he was going to search for a new mother for his daughter, he had to get one who was willing to love him, despite his flaws. He also hoped that being a single father wouldn't be tagged as a flaw to her, as the women in his age group were more likely to think that way.
The more thoughts he put into the outcome of these 'blind dates', the more tensed, and impulse he had to change his mind about doing this...not that Camilla could be replaced anyway. Looks weren't his biggest insecurity right now, as he'd grown a lot from that awkward, lame kid in high school. It was something else that he'd pretty much gotten used to the past years that it seemed less depressing than it used to be. It was his prosthetic leg.
He'd been around seventeen at the start of his final year in high school when he'd been involved in a fire accident at home. It was an indelible experience that seemed to traumatize him to years of therapy sessions just to get back to a normal state of mind. What started off as a regular Thanksgiving dinner had escalated all too quickly into a near-death experience, and his mother was partly to blame. The Haddock's had always been grand on the celebration of festivals, with Thanksgiving being the most important.
It had usually been caterers and a thousand food service orders for a dinner for a countable number of people, but still somehow ended up with little or no leftovers the next day, and with his father being a major contribution to that. Custom orders had worked faultlessly until his mother had decided to take dinner preparations entirely into her hands.
He never got the full details of the exact cause of the fire, and couldn't ask, as he avoided revisiting the events of that night, especially to his mother who continuously blamed herself for the accident. He could remember waking up in an exhaust of smoke in his bedroom, with his mother screaming his name from downstairs.
He couldn't get to her or to the exit either, so he'd impulsively raced out to his balcony and jumped without thinking, shattered glasses and rods caving down on him in the process. It was when he'd lost his left leg, and a whole lot changed about his life. The journey from a coma to a wheelchair with endless therapy sessions and homeschooling had been more traumatic than the event itself, but his mother had been the major victim in this.
He'd watched her go through a lot emotionally, constantly swearing to never use a kitchen again. Of course that only lasted for a year before her obsession with cooking books and cooking in general, is a lot better to the point that she'd been so helpful in caring for Zia. He knew that she still blamed herself for the incident, but because of how much his prosthetic affected his self-esteem.
He'd always seen this as nothing but a disability that seemed to reduce him in the eyes of people, especially those he worked with. Camilla had made it a lot easier, but now? He wasn't so sure what girl would be out for a one-legged single father who was still obsessed with his late wife. This date seemed pretty much like a joke, but anything to get his mother off his neck for a while, at least he hoped she would.
One last look in the mirror and he sighed, picking up his phone from his bedside table and sent a quick text to the girl he wasn't even given the chance to have a single real conversation with. They'd only talked about details of the date his mother had already set up for them, but he'd taken the time to go through her profile. She sure was beautiful and seemed like a driven business lady. She also seemed responsible, which earned her three checks on his god-forsaken checklist.
He wasn't the type of guy to have or even deserve to have a checklist, but this time, he really needed one...for the sake of his daughter.
'I'm on my way. I'll be there to pick you up in a few minutes.'
Did it sound too straight forward? He couldn't add any compliments or corny remarks as they hadn't really created a good connection to get to that stage. He hit the send button before rethinking his decision and slipped his phone down the pocket of his coat. It was time to finally face his first attempt at this for three whole years now, and he was very much far from being ready for it.
"Oh my gosh, he just sent a text. I'm not even close to being ready."
"Well, go get a shower! I'll fix the things here. Your dress is perfect, you don't have to worry about it." Astrid picked up the dresses on hangers on the bed, placing them on the rail in the wardrobe. "You've basically gone through your closet twice today, this guy better be worth this stress."
"I don't know, I should have taken a day off work yesterday, I'm not mentally prepared for this."
Astrid smirked, shaking her head in disbelief. "You had the entire day to prepare for this. This isn't your first date anyway, why do you need to be mentally prepared for it?"
"Well, it's the first, after my decision to settle down. I guess it's because I want to take things seriously now and I'm just so worked up about it."
"Then don't be, it would go fine. You'd said you both got along pretty well on the website, right?"
"Yeah, but this is different." Heather wrapped her bathroom towel around her, tieing up her hair into a loose bun. "I'm meeting him up for the first time and I've never been this nervous in my entire life."
"Calm down girl. I mean...if he doesn't love the real you, then you can kiss him goodbye."
"Oh you can be sure, I will...but first...I need to make a good impression, right?"
"Right."
"Mummy." Neil tugged at the hem of Astrid's shorts. "Look, mummy."
"Hi honey, what's that?" Astrid glanced at the scrambled drawing on the piece of paper and smiled. "Oh my gosh, did you draw that?"
"Yes. Do you like it, mummy?"
"Of course darling, I love it." She pulled him into a tight embrace and kissed his cheek. "It's beautiful baby, I'm proud of you."
"Astrid, could you pass the toilet paper, please? I took it out by accident!" Heather called out from the bathroom and Astrid rolled her eyes.
"Alright, you need to hurry up, I think your date just texted you again." Astrid noticed her iPhone flash in a new message. "Oh wait, it's an email from...the dating website?"
"Who is it from?"
"Who? You mean you're still chatting with other guys?"
"Of course I am Astrid, I can't just put all my hopes in one guy, especially when he's a..."
"Single father? Okay, I'm a single parent too, I really don't appreciate that."
"Even if he wasn't a single father, you know me, I don't stick to one guy unless I'm completely sure that I want to be with him."
"That's the problem, you are never sure, and end up in multiple relationships at once. Grow up, Heather." She stretched her hand into the bathroom to lend her the toilet paper.
"Thank you!"
She walked back to her son, scooping him up in her arms. "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah." He nodded with a smile that had to be a sight for sore eyes.
"What would you like to have, honey?"
"Chicken."
"Again? Didn't you have that already? Aunt Heather made that for lunch, remember?"
"Yeah."
"Was it good?"
Neil nodded. "Very good."
"Well, Aunt Heather has a date tonight and mum isn't really good at making chicken."
Neil suddenly crackled into a peal of loud laughter that made Astrid's heart soar. His smile was something she lived for, and being in the hospital had deprived her of that, but being home with him had been nothing but smiles and a closer bond she'd always yearned to have.
"Are you laughing at your mummy, Neil? You're laughing because mum doesn't know how to cook?"
"No."
"Then what else do you want, you can't have chicken twice. You'd be too big, and mummy won't be able to carry you anymore."
"Apple sauce."
"You want apple sauce?" Astrid asked, brushing his blonde hair from his face as he nodded in return. "Alright, I'll make that for you in a second, okay?"
"Thanks, mummy."
"I'll be in the kitchen Heather, call me if you need anything..."
"Alright!"
"That is outside the walls of this room!"
Heather laughed. "Got it."
"Come on, mum. What is wrong with my hair?"
"You could've fixed it a little Harry, gotten a hair cut or something. It just looks so...basic."
"What does that even mean? You put me up to this already, the least I can do is to be myself."
"Oh, so you're the one who is telling me that now, huh?" She combed through his hair with her fingers, pushing them backward. "You can't have basic Harry hair on a date."
"Well I'm not changing anything about it, I've been in front of a mirror long enough today."
"And still came out looking like this? You should really be glad I didn't get on that flight with your father."
"Mum...that's enough. I'm glad you're here, you don't have to bring back the past for me to appreciate it."
"Alright. If you say so." She fixed the long collar of his coat and smiled. "That's a lot better."
"Is Zia still napping?"
"Surprisingly, Yes. Where did you guys go today? She was so exhausted."
"You know Zia, mum. We get to a place, she makes tons of friends, and they just keep running and playing for the rest of the day."
"She's her mother's daughter alright."
"She doesn't seem to take anything from me."
"Nonsense Harry, Are you forgetting how smart she is? Her teacher thinks she's way ahead of her mates. Does that sound familiar by any chance?"
Harry smirked teasingly. "No, did you have any other children I don't know about?"
"You're so silly." She laughed as Harry placed a kiss on her temple. "Have fun, and don't forget, keep an open mind, Harry. No one can be Camilla, embrace the differences."
"Yes mum, Noted."
It took Harry a few minutes to arrive at Trenton Avenue, hoping that he wasn't at the wrong address. Maybe he was a little hopeful that it was, that would be a great excuse to escape the horror of this date. The neighborhood was quiet, and a little more populated than his. He could spot a bus drop off a number of people at the stop, to their various homes. He was at the normal and the 'closer to life' part of LA.
The houses were smaller suburban homes for the average-income earner, the kind of life he'd always admired, tagged 'fortunate' to have escaped, but seemed a little more peaceful in comparison to the lifestyle he'd been born into. His lifestyle was one that seemed to care more about the outward appearance even if there were skeletons in the closet. It was good that Heather was from a pretty humble background, something she and Camilla had in common, pretty good for a start.
Pulling his breaks at the driveway, he sighed, wishing he had taken one of his other cars, the one that blended a little more to this environment and made him look normal and relatable...something he really wanted for a first date.
Stepping out of his car, he took out the bouquet of roses he'd picked up from the flower store earlier in the day. Roses were Camilla's favorite and he hoped that was pretty much the same case with his new date.
"I540 East Trenton Avenue." He called out again, reading the text his mother had sent for a full on confirmation that he was at the right place, and he was. He glanced up to the particular house that held its address. He walked up to the doorstep, holding on to the bouquet as he rang the doorbell.
Instant panic.
He hadn't done this in years, in fact, he'd never done this at all, considering he never had to deal with the stress of having to pick Camilla up for official dates. She was so simple to the point that she would rather spend the day with him at home, rather than go out. She wouldn't let him plan anything special and would often seem uninterested whenever he made an effort to do so.
Right now he was tensed but had to be calm. This was pretty much the first date and it came with the burden of positive impressions to create if he was ever to build a relationship out of it, as slim as the chances were.
After waiting a few minutes without reply, he leaned in to ring the doorbell again but stopped when the doorknob tilted, revealing someone had come to the door. This was it. This was his first chance on his mission to find love again, and as optimistic as he claimed to be about it, he knew he couldn't win at the first trial.
The door opened and his mouth parted to a girl who was very far from his mother's description. Heather was supposed to be a dark-haired girl with stunning green eyes that were a close match to his, but this girl was different. She was a wild blonde with the most beautiful blue eyes that brought back so many memories within a split second.
It had been so many years, but that didn't stop him from tracing back the horrendous events that made up his days of high school, as well as the very huge contribution of the girl standing in front of him to that. She gaped at him just as hard as he was, with every single second spent in their stare, bringing even more memories, memories he'd desperately hoped to never reminisce again.
"Hiccup?"
Did she just say Hiccup?! Years after everything they'd shared in the past and all she could remember was that nickname?! Right. She was Astrid! She never remembered his name after every single conversation they had in high school, how could he expect her to remember his name after twelve whole years?!
"Harry." He quickly corrected, setting a tone that wasn't filtered at all. It was a tone from that seventeen-year-old boy who had been ridiculed and hurt by the one girl he'd trusted the most, Astrid Hofferson.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."
"It's okay." He interrupted, still putting up an attitude that surprised him so much. This was his first time meeting someone from his past, and his issues with her were things he should have moved on from a long time ago. He really needed to comport himself and show a little more maturity, talking to her.
"Uhm...Does Heather Bowman live here?"
He could tell she felt a little absurd at the moment. The fact that he was totally ignoring her presence right now, pretending they'd only just met for the first time.
"Do you even remember me? I mean, I was..."
"We were seatmates in history class, sophomore year. Of course, I remember."
"Well...yeah, but uhm...we were also..."
"Yeah." Harry blurted out, immediately deviating from getting into a conversation about their past relationship. "So, how have you been?"
"Good. You're the one going on the date with Heather?"
He nodded in response. "That's right. Can I see her?"
"Oh, she'll be out in a few minutes, I'll just tell her that you're here."
"Thanks."
"Come in."
"Oh no, I'll just wait out here for her, it's okay."
"It's cold out there, you should come in."
Harry looked into her eyes, she hadn't changed a bit, except entirely in her attitude towards him. For some reason, she seemed a lot calmer and nicer than the quick-tempered, feisty cheerleader he'd crushed on from childhood, but was just as beautiful as he'd remembered...probably even more. She opened the door, ushering him into their home and Harry walked in, glancing around at the pictures on the walls that caught his attention...pictures of her and a dark-haired girl he was pretty sure was Heather.
Getting into the sitting room, he noticed the little boy in the highchair at a corner, a boy who was undoubtedly Astrid's son as he possessed a lot of features from her, excluding her blue eyes.
"You have a son?" He suddenly asked, without taking time to question if he really cared about that or not.
"Yeah. I heard you have a daughter too, how's it going for you?"
"Great. It's pretty surreal looking back, time sure really goes by fast."
When she broke into a smile, her beguiling oyster-white teeth lit up the room as she picked her son up from his highchair and settling him on her hip.
"Yeah, it does. Neil, say hi."
"Hey, buddy. How are you doing?" Harry waved at the little boy who stared timidly at him.
"Great."
"You just had your dinner?"
"Yeah."
"Was it good?"
The little boy glanced at his mother, crackling and Harry immediately saw Astrid's smile in him. The same smile she'd used to fool him back then into believing that he had a chance with her back in high school, only to put him back in his place by ripping his heart right after.
Yeesh, Harry! This is a toddler for christ sake! Do you really want to take all that anger out on this innocent kid?!
"It wasn't?"
"You're so silly." Astrid teased, pulling on his cheeks gently and laughing, her son joining her. His laugh reminded Harry so much of Zia and it hit his soft spot for kids.
"You want me to get you something? Come here."
The boy seemed hesitant at first but leaned forward towards Harry after assurance from his mother. Harry immediately took him from his mother's arms and placed him on his lap. The boy seemed attracted to this metal prosthetic, pointing to it curiously. "What's that?"
Harry looked up at Astrid who looked shocked, also gazing at his prosthetic. "I uh...I had lost my leg in a fire accident back in high school."
"I didn't know about that. Was that why you left?"
He was sure he scoffed at those statements. It seemed surreal that she seemed all too nice now because back then, she wouldn't have known because she had never cared.
"Astrid! I need help with something please!" Heather called from the bedroom, interrupting the conversation much to Harry's benefit. The last thing he wanted was having to talk about his accident or any event related to high school with Astrid. Their history was a chapter of his life he was much terrified to re-visit.
"Uhm...I'll just inform her that you're here."
"Mummy!" Her son cried out after she left, and Harry tried to comfort him.
"You're mummy's boy, aren't you? Well, that is something we do have in common."
He pointed to his prosthetic again. "What's that?"
"It's my leg. I lost my leg, so I have a fake one." Harry noticed he was now relaxed in his arms, reaching out to touch the prosthetic.
"You lost your leg?"
"Yeah, in a fire."
"A fire?"
"Yes, so don't play with fires, alright? Fires are really dangerous."
"I won't. Does it hurt?"
"Sometimes, but I need to be strong, right?"
"I am strong, mummy tells me all the time."
"She's right, you definitely are."
"Are you my mummy's friend?"
"Yeah, but can I be your friend too? I'd really love that."
"Yeah. I don't have any other friends."
"Why's that?"
Although he struggled with his words, he seemed so eager to say them anyway. "I am always in the hospital. I have no friends there."
"The hospital?"
"I am always sick, and I hate it because it makes my mummy sad."
Harry stared at the boy in shock, he did look a little unhealthy and had a significant difference in his breathing, but looked agile and happy nonetheless. He looked so much like Astrid, except he didn't have her blue eyes, they were green, quite similar to his. From the look of their situation, it seemed like she was also a single parent and it made him question the events of her life after he'd left Glendale high school, Arizona.
He was sure she'd gotten back with her ex-boyfriend at that time, the one he was supposed to be a rebound for, but was this child a result of that relationship? Considering her son was only a toddler, it must've have been a much recent relationship, or did she actually last this long with that moron?
Why do you even care Harry, none of this should even concern you!
His thoughts were interrupted with Astrid's presence followed by his date. She was adorned in a red body con dress that revealed her sculpted figure which was twine-thin. Her waist was tapered and she had a burnished complexion. A pair of arched eyebrows looked down on sweeping eyelashes, her delicate ears framed a button nose and a set of dazzling, angel-white teeth gleamed as she held his gaze with a smile. Her flowing, moon shadow-black hair...much similar to Camilla's.
Yup. He had done it again, or rather, his mother had done it again.
Throughout his life, his mother had been the mastermind of all his previous relationships and her targets seemed to be girls who were completely out of his league. Struggling with the personality of a depressed introvert had left him zero interest or confidence in building relationships, including friendships and his mother always felt it was a reason for her to step in.
First, it was Astrid, his long-time childhood crush, Camilla, her close friend's daughter and now...what was her name again? Hailey? Heathen?
Heather! Heather you idiot!
"Uhm...Heather, wow...you look amazing."
"Thank you. I'm so sorry I kept you waiting for so long."
"It's alright. I was here early anyway."
"Come on Neil, it's time for bed." Astrid cut in, gesturing to her son.
"I made a new friend today mummy."
"You did? that's great! Do you know the name of your new friend?"
The little boy glanced at him with a puzzled look that made Harry smile. "What's your name, Mister?"
"Harry. My name is Harry. What is your name?"
"Neil."
"That's a wonderful name, you know that?"
"Yeah."
Astrid took her son gently from his hold, noticing that he'd spent a lot more time on him than his date. Harry immediately picked up the bouquet of flowers, handing them to Heather. "For you."
"Thank you."
"I'll hold things here, just have fun tonight," Astrid said to Heather before raising an eyebrow, giving some sort of expression to depict a message he was probably more curious about than he should be. He was definitely interested in what Astrid really thought about his date with her friend.
"It was nice meeting you again, Astrid."
Damn Harry, you just couldn't keep that in, could you?!
"You two know each other?"
"Oh yeah, we used to go to high school together back then," Astrid replied looking so uneasy.
Harry held himself from the usual eye-roll he would always give in this kind of situation. They used to go to elementary school and high school together, with ten whole years of him being non-existent in her life despite the numerous conversations and projects they had, and ten years of being the stupid teenage boy endlessly dreaming of being in a relationship with the last girl to ever be interested in him and continuously making a fool of himself by holding on to the possibility of it happening.
He could go on about their past relationship, but past was past and he really needed to get over all that, she clearly had moved on.
"Oh I didn't know that, what were the chances, Astrid?"
"I know right? You hadn't shown me the pics on his profile so I had no idea."
"But I told you his name, right? Didn't you..."
"I probably forgot about it, it's been a really long time."
Yup. Typical.
"So uhm..." Harry chirped in, trying so hard to forget she actually said that. "Heather...ready?"
"Yeah, sure."
"After you."
"Bye Neil!" Heather waved towards Astrid's son. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Bye." Neil waved.
"Say Goodbye to your new friend, Neil."
"Bye Mister Harry."
"Bye Neil." Harry smiled at him before catching Astrid's stare. Man, she hadn't aged one bit. "Bye Astrid."
"Goodbye Harry. It was nice meeting you again too."
"Thank you," Heather said and took the seat he pulled out for her. He sure was putting a lot more effort into this date than he'd really intended to. Although this was his mother's idea, he still somehow felt the need to give a try on the motive of impressing her, at least meeting half of her expectations anyway. He shouldn't care about them, right? He wasn't willing to let go, he wasn't ready to replace Camilla...not yet...possibly not ever.
Even if his mind had already been made up on that decision, he still needed to make this date somewhat successful, or at least hide the awkwardness of his personality, even if Astrid was probably going to tell her all about it when she got back home tonight.
The hideous glasses, the braises, and the fact that he sucked at every other thing non-academic related. He'd sucked at basketball, volleyball, musical instruments, throwing parties or being invited to parties, he'd sucked at making new friends or even keeping the existing ones...the ones like Astrid. The most embarrassing moment of his whole life, the time when he had a full on panic attack because of...
"Harry?"
"Uhm...I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"Uh...I wasn't saying anything, it's just that you've been staring at me in silence for a..."
"Well...you are beautiful."
The smile and pink color in her cheeks showed just how successful he was at covering up the first slip from this stupid habit of zoning off in his own thoughts. He really needed a break from it, this wasn't the time or setting for that.
"Thanks." She repeated, pushing strands of her hair backward.
"I'd like to know more about you, Heather."
"Well, what would you like to know? I pretty much told you everything in our previous chats on the website."
Shit!
Harry bit his lower lip so hard, he hoped he didn't leave a bruise. The website! The chats! He had just skimmed through her profile on the website his mother had used to get in contact with her. He only got the basic personal details from her profile but hadn't fully read the chats as his mother had instructed.
This was really the end, his mother had finally ruined him...ruined his entire existence! What was he going to do now? Tell his date that his mother had been the one chatting with her all this time? Why did his mother love putting him in this kind of situations? He didn't need this, he didn't need this date at all! Camilla was gone, but he was doing just fine, he wasn't lonely, he wasn't miserable, he was completely fine...well...until now.
"Harry? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I mean...I know you said a lot about yourself, but I'd like to know...more."
"Na, I think you should tell me about yourself, I'd been the only one talking through the chats."
Wow. He had to award his mother's charismatic skills to actually make her open up so much to a total stranger, that or she was probably an extremely open person.
"Well, I'm a single father hoping to...you know...find love again."
"That's amazing. How do you balance it? I mean, my friend Astrid? She barely even has time for herself."
"Well, It's not easy, but I have to sacrifice whatever time I have for my daughter. At this point, I honestly don't see it as a sacrifice. Spending time with her is...healing."
"Uhm...I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to..."
"It's alright, you didn't ask anything that felt uncomfortable to answer."
"What's her name?"
"Who? My daughter...or my..."
"Your daughter."
"Letizia...but we call her Zia...and by we, I mean, my mum and I."
"That's a beautiful name. Do you have a picture of her? I'm sorry I sound so obsessed."
"No, it's alright. I do have pictures of random selfies she takes with my phone."
"Oh, you better get ready, she's going to be a handful when she's older."
Harry chuckled and pulled out his phone and opened up his gallery, before handing the phone to Heather. He then watched her as she scrolled through the pictures, smiling and giggling to herself. "She's so beautiful...she has your hair, but looks nothing like you tho."
"Yeah, she's the full image of her mother, but character-wise, I'd say she's mostly like me or I try to make myself believe that."
Heather snorted mockingly. "Really?"
"Alright, she's more confident and extroverted like her mother so I..."
Great Harry, keep talking about your late wife to your date and she wouldn't think twice about walking out on you.
"I'm sorry I..."
"For what? I asked to know more about you, right?" She replied with her complete focus still on his phone. "Is she always this happy?"
"You have no idea. It's one of the many things we don't have in common...that's also her mother."
"That's great. You're really doing a great job making her this happy."
"Oh, that's where you're totally wrong. She's actually the one who makes me happy."
"That's really cute and admirable."
He retrieved his phone from her, now a little more comfortable with their conversation. "So, what about you? You're a doctor, right?"
"What? A doctor? I'm an auditor with a private firm, I clearly remember telling you that on the website too, have you forgotten already?"
Fuck.
"A doctor! Oh come on Harry, you could have put a little effort into this!"
"Give me a break, mum! I didn't have time to go through the chats, I had told you about the situation with my secretary, right? I've been on applications all week!"
"So? What happened? You told her I'd been the one controlling the chats?"
"What was I supposed to do mum? She apparently told you everything about herself to answer any new questions."
Her lips parted, squinting at him in disbelief. "Are you really my offspring Harry? You just singlehandedly blew up this date!"
"None of this would have happened if you had just let me handle the website...I could have set up a date for myself ."
"Well it's okay, you just have to look for another girl if..."
"Mum, No! I'm not doing this again."
"Harry, you can't just give up on the..."
"I am not ready to replace Camilla, mum!"
"I thought we already talked about this."
"Yes, we did. I agreed to try it, and I have realized that I'm really not ready. Maybe I will be, but right now, I'm just not!"
"Harry..."
"Mum, please don't push me into this. You keep saying I need this, but I don't think I do. Right now, I just want to be with my daughter...for the meantime."
"Zia asked about this. You said she'd never mentioned it to you, right?"
Harry paused, his heart dropping at that instant. "She what?"
"She saw you Harry, this morning, staring at Camilla's pictures in tears. She came running to me, crying at the fact that you were so sad, that she couldn't bring her mother back...to make you happy again."
"Uhm...mum.."
"Is this a habit of yours? Do you do this as a morning ritual to set up the gloomy mood you tend to be in throughout the day?"
"No, it's just..."
"Zia is too young for this! She's too young to grow up without a mother, but she's trying to rise above that. She wants to be strong, but you're not giving her any hope to be. You're supposed to be her father, her strength, but you keep tearing that little girl down!"
"I'm sorry, mum. I didn't know she was..."
"That's not my point. You have to think about your daughter, Harry. She's so mature for her age to the point that she can't even ask you about her mother because she knows how much you're hurting. She isn't supposed to see that...not as often as she does!"
Harry exhaled deeply in agony, the last thing he wanted was watching his daughter going through pain, and being the cause of it. "Am I failing as a father?"
"No sweetheart, you're an amazing father...even with the pain. I'm beginning to understand the weight of the decision I'd made in the past to leave my family because, for a while, I made your father go through the pain you're going through right now."
"Son, it hurts, I know. You wish she could be here, you wish you could have put a little more effort to save her, but you need to be strong Harry. Be strong for Zia...be strong for me. Camilla was your reason for going on, but Harry, you need to give yourself a new reason. Isn't Zia enough reason to be happy again?"
"She is...you also are."
"Then prove it to us, because it doesn't feel or seem that way at all."
Harry pulled his mother into a long embrace, burying his face in her shoulders. "I love you mum...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I make you feel like you're not good enough."
"Are you sure I'm good enough?"
"Yes, mum. You are...and I promise that would be the last time Zia would see me in that state."
"You don't exactly keep to your promises."
"This is different. I'm really going to try to be better and...the dating website? I'm going to keep trying that...I'm pretty sure tonight was the last Heather would want
to see of me, and honestly, I don't blame her for it, but...I would keep searching."
"Really Harry?"
"Yes, mum. Also, you would not believe who I met today at Heather's."
"Who? her ex-boyfriend?"
"Mum!"
"What? Who did you meet?"
"Astrid...Astrid Hofferson."
"Astrid? You mean your childhood..."
"Mum, I was young back then, and stupid to actually think I had a real chance with her."
"Wait, what do you mean a real chance? Weren't you two a couple in your sophomore year?"
"Well...we were, but it was a lot more complicated than that...a long complicated story."
"Tell me about it, I never really questioned the cause of your break up, I really liked that girl."
"Well she had a boyfriend before me, she'd broken up with him shortly before our relationship so I had suspected I was probably just a rebound to her. It turned out, I actually was because she'd gone back to him when he wanted her back."
"That was right before the fire incident right? I remember you returned home that day and..."
"Yeah." Harry interrupted. "It's all in the past. Honestly, I'm grateful she'd hurt me back then...I would have never met Camilla. She was a much better person, who actually valued people a lot more...than herself."
"Harry...I'm sure there's a lot more to her side than that...maybe you should..."
"Mum. No. I could agree to a date with any other girl, just not her...not again."
"Alright. You should get some rest, Zia's been asleep a lot earlier than her bedtime. She'll probably wake you up early tomorrow as soon as she does."
"Goodnight, mum."
"He did what?!"
"I'm not kidding. I wanted to be buried deep underneath the earth right then."
"Oh my gosh! So you'd been chatting with his mother the entire time?!"
"Ugh! Astrid, I think I'm ready to die now." She groaned, pressing her face into her pillow. "Just kill me!"
"I told you about this website thing, didn't I?"
"You said it was for the desperate, I was desperate!"
"How can you be desperate? You don't need a website, Heather! I mean...you're beautiful, successful, you literally have men at the tip of your fingers, you just need to add a little more effort to the success of your relationships."
"Or maybe...I'm just not ready for one yet."
"Heather, you're twenty-eight, when will you be ready? What about Harry? What's your opinion about him?"
"Well...he's handsome, he's hardworking, he's a family man from the way he talks about his daughter. He's wealthy and successful...he's pretty much perfect."
"But?"
"I don't know...I feel like he's just not ready to be in a new relationship."
"What do you mean? Do you think his mum forced him into this?"
"Not just that, the way he talked and acted throughout the date...He just seemed so...uncomfortable."
"I don't think so. I know him, that's just his nature. He's just a little conservative."
"So you do know him more than just 'going to the same high school' kinda knowledge, huh?"
"Well, uhm..."
"Tell me, do you have some kind of history with him? His expression seemed to change whenever I brought your name up."
"and why would you bring my name up?"
"You need a job, right? He runs a company, I just thought he could somehow help you out."
"Heather, but I don't need that from him. It's not like I've been on an endless search for a job, I just decided to get back to work."
"Are you...avoiding him? Why? was he one of those lame kids you bullied in high school?"
"It's actually a lot worse than that and I don't think he'd ever want me in his company, so no! I'm not doing that."
"I have a feeling you should have been the one on this blind date and not me."
Astrid rolled her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. "You had offered for me to kill you, right? I think I'm willing to take it now."
"What? what is this about? Was he your boyfriend or something?" Heather pressurized, tugging on her arm consistently for more information on her past relationship with Harry. She couldn't talk about that. Her past with Harry Haddock wasn't something she was proud of, not because of him...certainly not because of him. Harry was the best of all her past relationships, the problem was, she never had appreciated it back then.
She was a teenager, she'd been built on 'self reputation', 'popularity' and so much that blinded her from the things that really mattered the most, from the people who really cared about her...people like...Harry.
"That's it, I'm outta here, sob into your pillow, you'll feel better in the morning."
"Come on Astrid! Are you leaving me in the dark about this?"
"Goodnight Heather!"
"You're seriously not going to tell me?"
"Not on your life."
To Guest: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
To Cajunbear73: It's great to see you on this story too! Thanks for your support!
To Crimson Dragon Virus: Thank you, dear! I hope you enjoy this too!
