Chapter 7


'Don't let the heart that didn't love you, keep you away from the one that will.'

~Anonymous


"Do you like your bike, Neil?" Zia asked when Astrid and her father walked closer towards where Harry and Neil stood on the walkway. "We can ride our bikes together."

Neil nodded with a smile. "Yeah. I love it, Mr Harry."

"Is your bike here too, Zia?" Astrid asked, setting her down on her feet, as the little girl pointed to the boot of Harry's car.

"Yeah. Daddy, can you get my bike, too? I want to ride with Neil."

"First, apologize for the headache you caused me getting you here." Harry teased.

Zia whined, tugging on Astrid's jacket. "Please tell him to let me ride my bike, Miss Astrid."

"Harry."

"I'm sorry daddy for causing you a headache today. Say it." Harry pushed her hair from her face, his lips curling into a sheepish smile. "You owe me that."

"I'm sorry, daddy." Zia pouted, almost in tears.

"You see, Harry? You've made her cry now." Astrid picked Zia up, wrapping her arms around the little girl in comfort. "It's alright, Zia. He'll let you ride your bike, okay?"

"You sound so sure about that, Astrid."

Astrid gave him a death stare. "Well? Get her bike, she apologised already."

"You spoil her too much." Harry rolled his eyes and opened the boot of his car to retrieve Zia's bicycle.

Astrid laughed. "Yeah, right. Says the guy who wants an apology from a five-year-old."

"Why don't you guys go to the park?" Her father suggested, cutting in. "There's a lot more space there for them both. Your mother and I would get dinner prepared before you return."

"Is that okay with you, dad?"

"Of course. Molly would be here soon anyway." Her father replied, seeming to be fascinated with her sudden bond with Harry and his daughter. "Take the kids, let them have fun at the park."

"Is that alright with you, Harry?"

Harry shrugged. "Palisades park?"

"No, there's a secluded park just a few blocks away, we could even walk there."

"Let's go then." Harry geared Zia up in her helmet and safety pads. "It's fine with me."

"I'll just go get my purse and Neil's oxygen concentrator, I'll be right back," Astrid said, leaving Harry with Andrew Hofferson, who just glanced at him in silence.

"So what happened, Harry?" He started, "You just disappeared back in Arizona. Did something happen? Or did you change schools?"

"My family had to move to start over after a fire incident. It wasn't a planned relocation."

"Oh." He seemed to be now focused on Harry's prosthetic. "Was that a result of the accident?"

"Yeah, I lost my foot and was homeschooled for the rest of high school."

"You didn't give us a call...at least to inform us that you were okay. You just...left."

Harry rubbed the back of his neck, biting on his lower lip. "I uh...Astrid and I... we broke up. I just didn't think that...she'd care about my disappearance, so I…"

"Care? She cried for weeks, Harry." Andrew Hofferson replied, as his heart dropped. "She went crazy looking for you, and trying to contact you. She did care...maybe a little too much."

"I...I'm...I'm really sorry I caused her that much pain, I didn't mean…" Harry stuttered, completely dumbfounded at his words. All this time, he'd assumed his breakup with Astrid had meant nothing to her, he'd assumed she'd moved on with Eric, her long time high school sweetheart and the guy he was supposed to be a rebound for. He'd been darn wrong and created a wall of prejudice that she really didn't deserve. He'd intentionally cut off all contact from her, acting sorely on his conclusions about that night, when he thought she'd humiliated him at prom.

"But anyway, that's the past. We should focus on the present." Her father interrupted. "You don't have to explain anything. I understand that you must've been hurt too."

He looked down at Zia, who was helping Neil hit the pedals of his bike to make him go faster. "I want to applaud you, Harry. If there's anyone who understands what you're going through? It's me."

Harry knew about Astrid's birth mother, and how they both lost her the day Astrid was born. It was probably why she already had a strong bond and connection with Zia, having walked in the shoes of growing up with a single father.

"I know how hard it is, but when I look at my daughter now, I realize that the pain was worth it. One day you're going to look at Zia, and realize it too...so keep going, and don't give up...no matter how hard it gets. You are her strength, and her only mirror, so be a reflection of who you want her to be in the future."

Harry smiled and nodded, struggling to hold back tears. "Thank you, Sir. I really needed to hear that. I appreciate it."

"You're doing a great job."

"Thank you."

Astrid walked out of the house, her purse in one hand, and rolling Neil's concentrator on the other hand. Harry slipped his arms into the pockets of his dark camouflage cargo pants, watching her closely. The way she struggled trying to get the box down the stairs, something she had to deal with for her son to be in perfect health. He smiled, not even holding back from his attraction towards her.

"You also did a great job. You should be commended too, Sir."

"I know." Her father smiled, his gaze flickering from Harry to Astrid, then back to Harry.

"So? Are we ready to go?" Astrid walked towards them.

"Yeah." Harry immediately took the box from her with a smile. "Get on your bike, Zia, we are going to the park."

"But we always go to the park, daddy."

"But Neil doesn't. Wouldn't you like to ride your bike with him at the park?"

She nodded in excitement. "Let's go, Neil! We are going to the park!"

"Okay! Mr Harry, can you help me? I'm trying hard to ride it." Neil said, struggling with the pedals of his bicycle. "It's so hard."

Harry glanced at Astrid who laughed, taking the box back from him. "It's okay, I'll carry this."

"You guys should take your time and have fun, alright?" Andrew Hofferson gave his daughter a side hug, giving her that suspicious smile that she hated so much.

"Is that really why you're sending us away?" She whispered, rolling her eyes. "I told you to stop it, Dad. It's not gonna happen...he'll never…"

"Miss Astrid! Come on, let's go." Zia called, with Harry and Neil already moving ahead.

"Go ahead, Astrid." Her father kept on smiling. "I'll make sure to get out all those pictures from your relationship with him during dinner this evening."

Astrid gave him a quizzical glance. "Dad! don't you dare."


"Why don't you just take a picture, Astrid? It'll last longer."

Harry slid into the park bench next to Astrid with a coy smile spread across his lips. They'd been at the park for about twenty minutes and Harry had spent it on further bike lessons for Neil. The little boy being a fast learner grasped the process and now insisted on riding on his own, along with Zia, around the park.

The park was empty, quite usual for a secluded neighbourhood park. It covered a wide area that could fit about three small houses. It was a bit hilly with tall trees along the hills. There were benches for people to sit in every corner and jogging tracks were all around the edges of the park. The west corner had some swings too on which many children used to come and play. Flower hedges and bushes along the pathways, to make the park look more pleasant and attractive.

Astrid scoffed in disbelief. "When did you become this arrogant?"

"I think I learned a thing or two from this bossy diva I used to hang out with in high school."

She rolled her eyes. "So you should also get my picture for god knows how many times I caught you staring at me today."

Harry shrugged, "In my defence? I have a better reason than yours."

"What is that? You're just enjoying teasing and making me..."

"You're beautiful." He cut in, his eyes now on her again, for the nth time since she welcomed him at the doorstep of her parent's house. She gazed at him, lost for words. She'd thought that he'd be so angry with her to even find her attractive again. She almost didn't believe his words were sincere until she saw the admiration in his eyes, and it melted her.

He smirked, amused at her reaction. "I really do know how to shut you up, don't I?"

She blinked when he wouldn't, pushing her hair behind her ears, and hiding the sudden redness in her cheeks. "Well, you're good looking as well, that's also a good excuse."

"Please, it's not a competition, Astrid, at least not one you have to win."

"But you really are, Harry. My dad said you looked so grown up, that alone should tell you something. If you don't believe me, maybe you can believe him." He still hadn't changed his silly act of pushing away compliments, even when he was worth them. She hoped he was just joking and had gotten over his serious self-esteem issues in highschool.

Harry brushed off her words. "Cut it out, Astrid. I've got a prosthetic leg."

"Exactly, a feature that adds to your vulnerable masculine charm." Astrid smiled, getting too comfortable and jumping on the flirtatious train that he no longer was in charge of. She got his immediate attention with those words as he stared at her in a way that sent shivers down her spine. It was too much of a reaction from him, but she held herself, wanting desperately to rub off her victory in his face.

"Who's winning the competition now? I guess I know how to shut you up too."

Harry smirked, "You really want a trophy for that, don't you?"

"Don't I deserve one?" Astrid raised her brows with a cute smile.

"When did you become this adorable?" Harry laughed, still trying to keep his mind off her breathtaking compliment. "So, your father...when did he get married?"

"About three or four years ago, when I was pregnant with Neil."

"How did you feel about it? I'm sorry for asking if it's…"

"It's alright." Astrid shrugged. "I was so happy for him. I liked Molly and was glad he chose to be with her. We got along right away, so it was all good."

"You didn't...resent him for...replacing your mother?"

Astrid gave him a quizzical glance. "Is that what you think goes on in Zia's mind?"

"Uhm...no, no...I just…do not understand how it feels, growing up without a mother." Harry stuttered, "Do you mind if I ask you, regardless of how insensitive of a question it is?"

"Well...not if you pay for an answer. It's quite a hard one, to be honest." Astrid teased.

"I'm sorry, I just want to understand...a fraction of my daughter's pain.

"It was hard. It was painful. From skipping mother-daughter dances to having my dad struggle to teach me how to use a tampon. It was like...I lost something I never even had in the first place."

"Well, that isn't encouraging at all."

"Let me finish, Harry." Astrid scolded, going on. "But my father was the reason why I never felt like I lacked anything. Although it was difficult for him, he played the excellent role of both parents...even up till now. Believe it or not, I'm sure Zia feels the same way about you."

"If that is true, why does she keep making Christmas wishes of wanting a new mother?" Harry asked, trying to hide the pain in his voice. "It really hurts to see that I can never fill that void."

"You can't fill that void, Harry, because you are her father, and not her mother. She doesn't make those wishes because you aren't a great parent, or for herself. She makes those wishes for you Harry. She's just five, but she watches you and knows that you are lonely, especially when you cry a lot in front of her."

Harry's eyes widened in instant panic. "Did she tell you that too?"

"Calm down, it's okay. It's okay to cry, Harry. It's okay to be hurt, you're human."

"She isn't supposed to see that as often as she does."

"But she sees it, and it's not your fault." Astrid consoled him. "She's just worried about you."

"Are you kidding? I'm supposed to be worried about her, and she's a kid, how does she have the mind of a thirty-year-old?" Harry glanced over at Zia, who was biking with Neil, a few meters away from where they were seated at the park. "Gosh, she scares me."

"Kids are not always as oblivious as they seem. Besides, she would be six in two weeks, right?"

Harry arched a brow. "How did you know about that?"

Astrid chuckled, "Careful. I just might know a lot more about your daughter than you do."

"I really appreciate that, Astrid." Harry smiled, "I'm glad that you are willing to know a lot more about her than I do. It shows how much you care about her, and I genuinely appreciate it."

"That's two trophies you owe me now, for being this amazing."

Harry laughed, an act that was becoming a lot frequent whenever he was around Astrid. "Well, I have no objections to that. You are amazing."

Astrid flipped the ends of her hair behind her shoulders in a sassy manner. "I know."

"We've been on my case since we got here, but what about you, Astrid?"

"What about me?"

"Neil's...father. If you don't mind me asking...Is Eric...his father?"

He could see her immediate reaction of discomfort at the question, hoping that it wouldn't change the air between them. He didn't expect her to give him a reply and was shocked when she did.

"No, Eric is not his father." Her smile faded, "It seems like you don't know this but...I never went back into a relationship with Eric after you and I broke up. I know I went to prom with him, but I'd refused to get back with him."

Harry was shocked, having a lot more revelations than he'd expected. "You didn't? Why not?"

She gave a faint smile, then locked her eyes on his. "Are you sure you don't know the answer to that question, Harry?"

Harry swallowed, "No, I don't."

"Are you sure you want an answer to that question? It's a long one."

"We've got all the time."

"Alright." Astrid shrugged, "I didn't get back with him because I was in love with someone else."

"I was in love with a guy whose name I hardly remembered but was willing to be humiliated and bullied by my friends, just to be with me. I was in love with the only guy who knew the real me, even as a bossy diva, but didn't see a single flaw."

"The problem was, I hesitated, and by the time I was willing to acknowledge it and tell him about it, it was already too late. I never saw him again."

Harry looked away in silence. He didn't want to ever have this conversation meeting her again. They'd both been silly teenagers who gave up on something that could have turned out into a beautiful lifelong relationship. He didn't want to regret leaving her, as much as he wanted to, but then, he would never have met Camilla if he didn't.

As much as he loved Astrid in the past, none of that was worth all the years of unending love, support and loyalty that his wife had given him for ten years, none of that was worth the life of their daughter, Zia. He wouldn't have had any of that if he hadn't given up on Astrid.

"Eric isn't Neil's father." She went on, despite his reaction. "I met another guy in college, just like you met Camilla. I fell in love with him after moving on from that heartbreak and loss. He wasn't exactly the typical loving boyfriend. He was wealthy, arrogant and unfaithful because he had everything. I knew all that but chose to be with him because he changed...because of me."

"He really did change in a positive way, and we dated for about five years, the longest relationship I'd ever had. I'd thought that, just because we lasted that long, he was the right one for me. I was wrong."

"Did he...reject your pregnancy?"

Astrid pushed her hair backwards, hugging her knees on the bench. "He doesn't know."

Harry's jaw dropped, "You mean the reason why he's not a part of Neil's life is that he does not know that he has a son?"

Astrid nodded, tears rolling down her eyes. "Yes, he doesn't know about Neil. I was going to tell him, I was so excited to tell him when I found out but…"

"He left?"

She glanced at him, and guilt gripped him like a vice when he saw the tears in her eyes. " I guess, it's that easy for people I care so much about to walk away, isn't it?"

Harry placed his hands on hers, shaking his head. "No...it's not. I'm so sorry, Astrid."

She broke down in tears, burying her face in her palms. "Ugh! I shouldn't be crying. I promised myself I was never going to let my son see my tears. He's right there."

Harry pulled her into an amorous embrace. "I promised myself that too, and I failed miserably at it. But someone told me that it was okay to cry, to let it out. You're human, Astrid."

"It sounded a lot easier saying it a few minutes ago."

Harry smiled leaning into her hair. "I know."

"I might be paying the price for hurting people in the past, but Neil is innocent." Her voice wavered as she sobbed into his shoulder. "He doesn't deserve this."

"Neither do you."

"But all that matters is his happiness." She sniffed, "You made him so happy today, Harry."

"Is that why you were crying? I was watching you."

"I couldn't help it."

Harry pulled away from the hug, holding the sides of her face in both hands, and wiping her tears with his thumb. "Now that's one thing you should never cry about. If you cry each time you see him happy, he'll grow up believing happiness is a big deal, when it shouldn't be."

The space between them was a little too small for the friendship they'd decided to maintain. Astrid bit her lip, eyes nervously everywhere but on Harry, still hoping she could somehow evade falling in love with him the second time. Then he moved closer with those eyes that looked so deeply into her own.

"Happiness should be a normal thing to him, just like it is for other kids."

Her breathing suddenly became stronger and quicker, the pensive look melted into a smile as soft as the morning light. Her body squirmed just a little as her muscles relaxed. There was something about that gaze of his she would never find in another man and as if at that moment their souls instantly recreated the bridge that had crumbled twelve years ago.

"Okay?" He picked strands of hair in her face and pushed them behind her ear, still holding his gaze on her. It was like staring had become a new form of communication. The long looks were how he told her of his hidden bitterness, how he really hated her for letting their love die in the past, and that forgiveness was not his strong suit. She wished she could let him see how sorry and apologetic she was for walking away from the beautiful relationship that they had. She felt like it was a decision that she'll keep regretting for the rest of her life.

She blinked out of her thoughts, nodding with a smile. "Okay."

"Daddy! Miss Astrid! Come play tag with us!" Harry broke off their stare immediately, as Zia and Neil came dashing towards them, after riding their bikes around the park.

"Zia, can we just rest for a few minutes?"

"Please, daddy! Neil and I want you to play tag with us!"

"Alright, we'll be right there, okay?" Harry replied, "Start running, or we'll catch you both."

"Come on, Neil, let's run, they're gonna catch us!" She held the little boy's hand in a protective manner like an older sister, both running further away from Harry and Astrid.

"Slow down, Zia! Don't make Neil lose his breath!" Harry called out after noticing Astrid's worried look about Neil running so much. He got up, taking her hands in his, and pulled her up to her feet.

"Are you going to sit here sulking and crying? Or would you choose to live in the moment, and be happy like Neil and Zia have chosen to be? Maybe we should learn a lot from them, don't you think?"

Astrid smiled, tapping him hard on his shoulder, and running. "Tag! You're it!"

Harry laughed. "Did you guys forget that I can't run on a prosthetic?!"

"If you can lift me on a prosthetic, then you can run on it."

"Yeah right. You weigh like ninety pounds, and you were an athlete, Astrid! That's not fair!"

"Neil, Zia, let's get him!" Astrid yelled as both kids raced towards Harry and pushed him to the ground. She laughed out, watching them climb over him in a playful brawl that warmed her heart. Still laying on the ground, he wrapped his both arms around them in a hug, and Astrid's smile faded.

How could she have been so blind back then? This guy had loved her, so much that it didn't matter if she'd ignored him for years, looked down on him and even called him names. He still valued and respected her, a lot more than any guy she'd ever dated. Right now, everything about him pulled her closer and closer towards that red line. His deep-rooted devotion to his daughter and even his late wife.

His undeniable love and care for her son drew her in. His words, his smile, and his heart. It pulled her closer and closer into a position she didn't want to be in. He needed more time to let go, not because he felt the need to please his daughter, but because he was willing to trade his past for a brand new future. She knew he wasn't ready yet, so she couldn't be selfish. Their friendship was more than enough for her.


"Is she asleep, mum?"

"Yeah. " His mother joined him in the living room, sitting on her favourite cushion. "This is the most exhausted she's been, Harry. What did you guys do at Astrid's place?"

Harry smiled, sipping on his chamomile tea, "We were at the park with Astrid's son, that little boy has twice the energy Zia has, so they were all over the place."

"Did he love the bike?"

"Very much. It felt like I did a whole lot when I did so little."

"I guess they really had fun, huh?" His mother gave her a quizzical glance. "What about you, Harry?"

He caught her gaze. "Me?"

"Yes, did you also enjoy your time there? Or was it too awkward for you?"

"Honestly...It wasn't awkward at all." Harry replied, "I was happy, mum. For the first time in years, I was really happy."

His mother smiled, "That's all I needed to hear."

"What is that supposed to mean, mum? That she's the reason for my happiness?"

"I don't know, you tell me."

"It has nothing to do with Astrid. It was great meeting her family, and making her son happy, that's all. It was great seeing Zia happy to spend more time with her." He looked up at his mother who just smirked, shaking her head in disbelief. "Mum, really! That's the truth!"

"Did I say anything, Harry?"

"You're giving me that look, and it's not funny."

"I'm not giving you any look. You know you're not admitting the truth, and it's obvious."

"What truth, mum?"

She shook her head, amused at his consistent denial. "Some things never change. Astrid makes you happy, Harry. She always did, she still does, and she always will."

Harry took a glance at the picture of Camilla on the wall, wishing he could escape his budding feelings for Astrid. He'd thought he'd be fine using Zia's well being as a way to create a believable excuse for himself to stay single, but then he found out that she herself wanted a mother. Astrid's presence made it a lot worse, his past feelings for her all returned, more so after finding out that she had fallen in love with him in the past too. As much as he didn't want to rekindle his past relationship with her, he couldn't deny that she made him happy.

It was no surprise to him, it was Astrid anyway...his childhood sweetheart...his first love.

"Mum, can we just stop talking about this?"

"Alright." She shrugged with a smirk. "She's very beautiful tho."

Harry nodded with an unconscious smile. "Tell me about it."

"If you ever decide to be with her, Son, just don't hesitate. You deserve to be happy again."

"But what if...Neil's father...comes back? What if she's wrong for me? I have a daughter, mum, I can't complicate my life like that."

"Did she tell you about his father?"

"Yes, she did. He doesn't know about his son, mum. It's the only reason why he's not a part of their lives." Harry ran his hand through his hair. "I'm a father too, I can't fathom a situation of having a child that I don't know about. A child who needs more care with a health condition."

"Did she choose to keep him away from his father?"

"No, she didn't. He left before she could tell him about it."

"Then it's not her fault, Harry. If she chooses to be with you, she's not wrong for doing so. You might not be Neil's birth father, but he sees you that way. I know you can genuinely love him as a father would, there's nothing complicated about that."

"Mum, it's not gonna happen, it's just not about Neil. Astrid has been hurt way too many times, to give love another chance."

"Did she tell you that? Or are you just making stuff up?"

"She did." Harry sighed, biting his lower lip. "Believe me, she's just as hesitant towards this as I am."

" 'She's been hurt too many times, to believe I genuinely like her'. These were the exact same words you'd used years ago when I'd told you to admit your feelings for Astrid." His mother got up, completely fed up with the conversation, and with a plain expression of disappointment.

"It's funny that twelve whole years have passed, but you both still haven't grown up."


"Astrid… Astrid! Oh please, I know you're not asleep so just answer me already!"

Astrid groaned, burying her head into her pillow. "What is it, Heather? We waited for you all night after we got back. Who goes clubbing on a Sunday night?"

"It was a date, Astrid. Don't judge me! Come on, wake up! You have to tell me about your weekend with Harry." Heather tugged on her blanket, pulling it off her.

"Really?" Astrid sighed in disbelief. "You're going cut off my sleep for that stupid question?"

"Please, I told you to tell me about it once you got back, you have to tell me."

"Heather, can't we do this tomorrow?"

"Just tell me how it went and I'll let you go back to sleep."

Astrid sat up, pushing her hair from her face and rubbing on her eyes. "Gosh, you're so annoying."

"I know." Heather sat further into the bed, her full attention now on Astrid. "So?"

"What do you want to hear, Heather? Harry came with his daughter, brought a bike for Neil, we hung out at the park with the kids, and he had dinner with us, that's it."

"I didn't wake you up to hear the boring stuff. Tell me, what happened?"

"Nothing! He didn't ask me out on a date because he has no intention to." Astrid exclaimed, still sleepy-eyed. "Why are you so keen on us getting back together? He's my ex, Heather."

"So what? The way he talked about you that night on our date? That guy was really in love with you, Astrid. He basically called you his first love."

Astrid's eyes widened in shock, "Really? He said that?"

"Yes!" Heather exclaimed in excitement. "But it was one-sided?"

Astrid sighed, "It wasn't one-sided, Heather. I fell in love with him...I really did. I just...hesitated, and he decided to give up before I could let him in."

"But you both dated? Without admitting your feelings to each other?"

"That's exactly why I didn't take his feelings for me seriously, because he never made them clear. I didn't understand him as much as I really wanted to, but I really loved him."

"The dude doesn't know that."

"Well… he does now."

"You see? That's the stuff I was asking for in the first place! You told him?!"

"I did. He asked about Neil's father, thinking it was Eric. I told him I didn't go back to that relationship because I fell in love with him."

"Jeez, wasn't that a bit awkward for you? Did you also tell him about Stanley?"

Astrid swallowed, nodding with a frown. "He asked...and I found myself confiding in him."

"How did he feel about it?"

"He was shocked to hear that Stanley didn't know about Neil, I guess that revelation must've pushed back whatever hopes he had about us getting back together."

"And you?" Heather raised a brow, giving her a quizzical glance. "Do you still hope that Stanley would return? Is that why you haven't taken off his engagement ring?"

Astrid glanced at the diamond ring on her left weak finger, tears clouding her eyes. "I just want Neil to get a chance to meet his father, is that too much to ask?"

Heather placed her hands on Astrid's shoulders. "No, It's not. There's nothing wrong with wanting Neil to meet Stanley, but it doesn't mean that Stanley is right for you, Astrid.

"I don't want to get back with Stanley, Heather."

"You do, not because you still love him, but because you want to give Neil a complete family."

"But he deserves a complete family."

"It doesn't have to be with Stanley, Astrid! There's no use being in a relationship that doesn't make you happy because he's the father of your son. Don't you think Stanley might have moved on?"

"I know that, but…"

"Let go, Astrid! Be happy." She gently wiped the tears beneath her eyes, before they could fall down her cheeks.

"It would be devastating if you meet him again, but realize that all this while, you've been the only one hurting...that you've been the only one holding on."