The somewhat secret door behind the vending machine swung open and Ford and Dipper stepped through to find the rest of the family in the shop, gathered at the counter. "What's going on?" Dipper asked.

"Chocolates!" Mabel cried, stuffing three in her mouth at once. "Want one? There's plenty and we saved the ones you like."

"Thank you, don't mind if I do," Ford said, he and Dipper selecting their favourites. "These are delicious! Where did you get them?"

"Dunno," Wendy shrugged, reaching forward and taking another. "Found them in my mailbox. From a secret admirer."

"Secret admirer?" Dipper repeated, giving his remaining pieces a look. "Should we be eating these? They were meant for you and I don't think this guy-"

"They were given to me, meaning I can share them with whoever I want," she replied with indifference. Seeing that Dipper still looked reluctant, she shook her head. "Look, I'm not allowed a boyfriend for another couple of months, so it's not as if I can date whoever it is anyway. If I find out who he is, I'll tell him that and even if I don't like him, I can at least tell him I appreciated the chocolates. Besides, if I left them at home my brothers would have scarfed them all. This way, I get to share them with people I actually like."

"Makes sense to me," Stan grunted, wiping his mouth.

"You're just saying that because this way you get to eat them," Ford muttered.

"That too," Stan agreed.

"These are pretty good," Dipper said slowly, nibbling on his. "And I suppose it's okay if you're nice about it." He shrugged. "I'm just glad that you were all together for chocolates. For a moment there, I was worried that Mabel had come up with another last minute idea for the wedding."

"Hey, I thought you liked my ideas!" Mabel said, sounding a little hurt.

"No, I was just going along with them to avoid an argument," Dipper said. He blinked, looking slightly puzzled.

"You have had a few unreasonable ideas, Pumpkin," Stan said in a gentler tone. "And Soos is already struggling with what we've got, we don't need to stress him out more, do we?"

"I suppose," Mabel muttered. "But I'm also still annoyed. I hate it when people criticise my artistic expressionism because in many ways I see it as a direct attack on myself, especially when it comes from my family, though I'm also uncomfortably aware that I should have more confidence in my work and should just accept that some people (especially Dipper, Mom, and Ford) don't understand it was well as I want them to, even if they still support my endeavours. Wow, I said a mouthful. Thought I only had one shot of Mabel Juice this morning?"

"Don't know how you can drink that stuff, Mabel," Soos admitted as the younger twins frowned. "I know I eat some junk that nobody else likes, but that stuff burned my eyes!" He held up the box to his very-soon-to-be-wife. "You not having any?"

"No," Melody said, looking at the chocolates longingly. "I haven't been sticking to my diet as much as I should have and I'm already worried about fitting in my dress."

"You could lose some weight," Wendy agreed.

"Wendy!"

"WOAH!"

"What the hey?"

"Not cool, dude!" Soos yelled, an affronted Melody beside him. "Not! Cool!"

"Oh, my God, I am so, so sorry!" Wendy said with wide eyes, her hands over her mouth. "I have no idea why I said that! I - I swear, I meant every word!" Her eyes bulged as the Pines family stared at her in shock, Soos looking angrier than anyone had ever seen him. "No! I didn't mean to say that! I think you look good - hnh - buuuu-" Wendy convulsed suddenly, her teeth bared and her jaw clenched, grabbing the counter as her back arched from the effort of trying to hold back the extra words, "-uuuuuut you'd look even better if you lost a few pounds!"

Wendy slumped onto the counter, panting heavily. She pulled her cap over her eyes and put her arms over her head as she felt the stares. "Please don't look at me. I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole."

"The hell's wrong with her?" Stan demanded, turning to his brother. "Looked like she was having a kid!"

"Hey, shut up!" Wendy snapped, lifting the brim of her cap to glare at him. "I was trying my hardest to stop after good! And how the hell did that look like I was giving birth?"

"Trust me, you'd be surprised at the ways women can deliver. We've had a few unexpected customers join us in the Shack on occasion, so I know what I'm talking about," Stan grunted as Soos nodded, still giving Wendy a cold look.

"Sure, criticize my weight, but get defensive when someone compares your actions to childbirth," Melody muttered, Wendy pulling the cap down again.

"It's okay, Melody," Mabel said, patting her arm supportively while Dipper did the same to Wendy. "I think you look fine the way you are!"

"Totally!" Soos agreed as Wendy groaned. "I'm super hyped to see you in the dress! I'm just terrified that I'm going to totally mess it up since I really want to show how much I love you in my vows but haven't finished them yet because it feels like my whole head goes explodey inside. Then I end up stuffing my face and feel guilty about it since you've tried so hard to stop eating that junk, even though I keep telling you I don't care about that stuff and love you for you, not your looks! But I'm also glad that I've found a girl with a hefty appetite and would be sad if you went skinny 'cause you're way hotter this way and I can't wait to see you in that bikini you bought for our trip to Mexico."

"Aw!" said Mabel, tilting her head at him affectionately as Melody raised her eyebrows in a way that wasn't entirely disapproving, the others sharing a few looks.

"I, uh, didn't want to add that last part," Soos admitted, sweating a little.

Stan put a supportive hand on his shoulder. "You'll see more than that on the honeymoon."

Mabel shook her head at her great-uncle as he flinched, Soos blushing as Melody gave him a filthy look. "What Soos said was kind of romantic and cute. You ruined it by going creepy, old man."

"Alright, that does it," Ford sighed. "It appears we're all strongly compelled to tell the truth. Let's confirm it." He took a pen from a stack. "This pen is green. When I say 'go', I want everybody to say it's a different colour. Any colour apart from green, okay? Go!"

There was a cacophony of people calling out the word green, some trying several times or struggling as they tried to resist the urge to tell the truth.

"Did anyone succeed in calling out a different colour?" Ford asked, putting the pen back. He looked around and saw only Melody raise a hand. "One person. So. What makes her the exception? What has she done differently or what have we all done that Melody hasn't?"

As one, they all turned to the box of chocolates, Melody feeling very glad she'd stuck to her diet, despite what Soos had told her.

"Oh, come on!" Wendy cried, raising her hands in frustration. "I actually try to be nice and share for once and I end up poisoning my friends? What the hell?"

"Why today?" Soos groaned, pulling off his hat and running his fingers through his short hair. "Things were going so well! I don't need anything to ruin this for Melody!"

"It's not ruined, Soos," Melody growled. "It's...very annoying, sure, but there's worse things that could have happened to us."

"But what if this is just the beginning?" Soos wailed. "I see this happen all the time in anime! It starts off small, little jokes here and there as people say things they normally wouldn't! Sure, it usually works out in the end and after a few ship-teases, misunderstandings and arguments, and can even end season-long rivalries or create new friendships, and plenty of characters end up being closer by the end, despite the trouble it caused, but they still blurt out things they don't want other people to know!"

"Like what?" Melody asked without thinking, slapping a hand to her mouth too late.

"I was the one who broke Abuelita's doll during the move, not Gompers!" Soos told her, dropping to his knees and grabbing her shoulders as the dark secret he'd been holding back for almost a year finally came out. "I didn't mean to! It was an accident! But I couldn't bring myself to tell her because she knows how much they creep me out! I couldn't risk her disappointment if she didn't believe me!" he wailed, tears streaming down his face.

"The first time I was allowed to babysit Dipper and Mabel, I ended up losing them in a store for over an hour!" Stan yelled. "I put them down to chat up this broad I was trying to impress by telling her I'd adopted them! When I found my glasses after she'd slapped them off, they were gone! They'd climbed to the top of the aisles and were trying to jump across! It took another twenty minutes to find all of Mabel's clothes! I was so scared of their parents finding out, I didn't even steal anything!"

"I once passed off one of Fiddleford's mathematical equations as my own to another multiversal traveller!" Ford cried. "None of my own were impressing him! Do you have any idea what it's like to be outclassed by a drunken sociopath who can barely string a cynically sarcastic sentence together without belching in your face?"

"I look at pictures of girls online!" Dipper blurted out, not even his titanium willpower able to fight the magic. "I know it's wrong and I'm too young but I can't help it!"

"I've been using Dipper's toothbrush on Waddles for the last year!" Mabel wailed. "I always thought it was cute that Dipper has blue while I have pink and wanted to have that same bond with Waddles! But I couldn't afford another because I always spent all my money on the snacks! Why do they put so many at the till? How's a girl meant to resist?"

"I pick my nose and eat it!" Wendy exclaimed. "I keep telling myself it's out of convenience but sometimes I just want a salty snack!"

"Ew, even I've stopped doing that," Mabel said, her face twisting in revulsion while the others blanched.

"Man, I am so glad clones don't have boogers," Dipper said to himself, sticking his tongue out in disgust as Wendy flinched. Then he rounded on his sister. "You've been cleaning your pig's mouth with my toothbrush? What is wrong with you? Why didn't you at least use your own?"

"'Cause that'd be icky and I don't want to have pig-breath like you do," Mabel answered. "And you should know better than to look at pictures like that! If Mom finds out, Wendy and Pacifica are as good as dead!"

"Wait, what?" said Wendy.

"W-why would you think Pacifica's in danger too?" Dipper stammered.

"It's called a search history, genius! Look it up!"

"You lost the kids for an hour?" Ford was yelling at the exact same time. "They could have run out into the street or been taken to God-knows-where!"

"I made a mistake, alright?" Stan yelled back. "Both with the hottie and them! You'll be happy to hear that slap was easily in my top worst hundred! And like you'd do any better? Remember what happened when Ma asked us to babysit the neighbour's girl?"

"How was I supposed to know that was a real wolverine?"

"Alright, everybody quiet!" Melody shouted over the arguing and Soos' crying. "Good grief, most brides get spots or hangovers but I get this," she sighed, gently pulling herself out of her fiancé's clinging grasp. "Soos - sweetie. It's okay. Your grandmother loves you more than any doll. We'll buy her a new one just like it to make up for the one you broke. We don't have to tell her it was you if you don't want to, but I'll be there to hold your hand if you do."

"You'd do that for me?" Soos asked, wiping his cheeks.

"Yes, because I love you," she said, kissing his forehead. "And Stanley? Really? After all the things you've done - no, don't tell me, I really don't want to know - the first thing you think of is losing the kids?"

"Well, you know," Stan said, shifting as he felt the eyes on them, Mabel's small smile especially making him uncomfortable. "First time being responsible for them and stuff? Pretty scary experience. Wouldn't be able to look myself in the eye if anything happened to them."

"I think anyone who's ever had to watch kids can agree how hard keeping tabs on them can be," Melody said with a smile, Wendy nodding. "I know I've had my hands full watching my sister's kids. And for what it's worth, I think you've come a long way since then in being a good guardian." She hesitated. "Mostly."

"Compliment fell short a little at the end but I still can't actually disagree with it," Mabel grunted

"I'll take it anyway!" Stan said proudly. "And I'll try and do better if you and Soos ever have any!"

"I want seven kids!" Soos piped in.

"We'll see how that goes," Melody said in a way that made it clear that was a conversation for several years down the line. "And Ford, I think it's safe to say that everyone here has embellished a little or taken credit for someone else's work to impress somebody."

"I haven't!"

"Morally, you're an angel, Soos, you don't count."

"Sweet!" he said, raising a fist in victory.

"But you really shouldn't care what people like that think, especially not of you. You're better than that and don't need their approval."

"You are right, I should learn to keep my hubris in check and focus on the accomplishments of those around me instead," Ford agreed. "I should also stop trying to impress mass murderers from other dimensions. That never goes well."

"Glad to hear it," Melody said, clapping him on the shoulder before moving on.

"Please skip me?" Dipper pleaded, pulling the ushanka down hard over his head and wondering if he'd ever be able to look any girl in the eye again. "I - I know it's weird and insulting to girls but I was curious and I kept telling myself that everybody else does it -"

"I'm not judging you, Dipper," Melody gently told him. "Look, yes, you are a little young for that but - well - it's a natural thing for a boy your age to think about. And you're right, it's very easy to do and everyone does it these days. Boys and girls," she added, giving Wendy and Mabel a look.

"I have pictures of Phil, Sev'ral Timez, and Zac Efron under my bed," Mabel told them, though whether that was because of the truth serum was anyone's guess.

"I watched High School Musical Two just to see him shirtless in the water. God dammit!" Wendy snarled, slamming her fist on the counter.

"See what I mean?" Melody said. "Look, I won't embarrass you by saying too much. You're mature and decent enough to treat a girl properly when the time comes. But in the meantime, you should talk to someone about what you're going through, an adult like..." Melody faltered suddenly, looking behind her shoulder at the other men in the room. "...Like your dad!" she eventually decided.

"Hey, I can handle stuff like that!" Stan snapped. "I did it once before when he and Mabel swapped bodies - ah, crap."

"He taught me things I didn't want to know," Mabel whispered, holding herself and rocking back and forth. "Terrible, icky things about parts I didn't have that morning and what they were made to do." She shuddered.

"That explains way too much," Dipper said, shaking his head in pity.

"Mabel, I had no idea, but I am totally here for you," Wendy said, stepping over the counter to put her arms around her. "I've got three brothers, I get it, and I am one hundred percent going to make sure you don't suffer like I did."

"Wow, I am not touching that one," Melody declared, seeing how out of her depth she was. She turned back to Dipper. "Okay. Uh. As I was saying, it's normal, talk to someone and, once again, I think we can all say that everyone here's looked that stuff up at some time in their life." She paused suddenly, her brow furrowing before she turned to Soos.

"Uh," he said, sweating again as he found his fiancé watching him in a way he didn't like. "Mine were all anime? Does that give me the all-clear?"

Melody's mouth twitched a little. "Sure, why not?" she sighed, once again glad she didn't have a chocolate. She turned to the teenage girls, Mabel looking to have recovered slightly after Wendy's promise and comfort.

"Okay, girls, I'm just going to say it: ew. Just - just ew. I mean, really? Shame on you both. Do better."

"Why do we get the criticism while the boys get support?" Mabel demanded. "If you weren't a girl, I'd call that sexist!"

"It's because the boys weren't being gross!" Melody snapped. "Seriously? Snot and pigs? Wendy's is disgusting but at least that only affects her!"

"But-!"

"No buts! Apologise to Dipper, promise you won't do it again, and make sure you get Waddles his own toothbrush! Heck, take mine if you have to, I'm willing to have bad breath for my wedding if it means the poor boy doesn't need to share his with a pig."

"He can have it, not as if I'll be using that one again," Dipper muttered, wondering how much of the bad taste in his mouth was psychosomatic.

Mabel let out a long sigh. "That won't be necessary," she said, sounding like a child who'd learned a lesson but wasn't happy about it. "I'll stop brushing Waddles' teeth until I get him his own and I'll never use Dipper's for anything ever again. I'm not even sure if a human's is suitable for a pig. And I'm sorry for doing it in the first place. Okay?"

"I guess," Dipper said, giving his sister a measured look. "But you're buying me a year's worth of mouthwash, mints and any other oral hygiene thing I can think of. And quit eating my toothpaste!"

"But it sparkles!" Mabel protested. She rolled her eyes as both Melody and Dipper continued to glare. "Oh, alright. Sign the deal with a sibling hug?"

"Wish I could make up with my brothers that easily," Wendy grunted as they met, ending it with a pat pat. "I usually have to beat them up."

"That's kind of satisfying in it's own right, though," Stan said, Ford nodding beside him.

Melody turned to Wendy. "And what about you?"

"What about me? Oh, right, the nose picking. I promise I'll do it again. Ah, damnit. I'll do it again. Wait. I will - I will - I willll do it - oh for-!" Wendy clutched her head and cursed under her breath, trying to even whisper the lie out. "Ah, to hell with it," she grunted when she couldn't even manage that. "I promise I won't let anyone catch me doing it. Yeah, think that's the best you're gonna get from me."

"I'll take it," Melody sighed, fearing more difficulties lay ahead and hoping no more surprises would arrive, only for that wish to be immediately destroyed when two small figures barged in from the shop door, a much larger one close behind them.

"H-hey Pines family and friends," Pacifica said, managing to keep her voice mostly casual despite spotting almost immediately that the box of chocolates was open, her heart sinking. "Is, uh, is everybody okay?"

"No!" Mabel groaned as everyone else shook their heads. "We ate some truth potion and it's messing things up! We blurted out embarrassing secrets, Stan's creepiness ruined Soos' romanticness, Dipper got snippy, and Wendy called Melody fat!"

"O-oh," said Pacifica shrivelling a little inside, Gideon wincing as he saw the looks on the family's faces.

"I see," growled the two-metre-plus cyborg behind them, making them even more uneasy.

"Actually, Mabel, she didn't call me fat," Melody said, her tone brisk. "She just said I should lose some weight."

"Uh, well it's the same thing isn't it?" Mabel asked, swallowing a little under the young woman's gaze.

Melody sniffed. "Depends on your point of view, doesn't it?"

"Ain't nothing amiss with being a little plump!" Gideon said, giving Wendy a reproachful look. "Sign of a healthy appetite is all."

"I didn't say there was anything wrong with it!" Wendy quickly said, realising she'd unintentionally insulted half the current occupants of the Shack. "I just think it's healthier if you exercise or something to stay thin!"

"Easy for you to say, not everyone's been blessed with Corduroy genetics," Stan muttered. "The way you eat, you ought to be my size. At least!"

"Speaking as the fittest and most attractive person in the building, if not in the entire State-," Phil began with no hint of hyperbole.

"God, I wish I could deny it," Stan grunted as Ford and Wendy also glared at the handsome redhead.

"Sev'ral Timez are hotter," Mabel muttered.

"They were genetically engineered, I was talking about natural beauty!" Phil snapped. "And they're clones so should only count as one body anyway!"

Mabel scoffed. "Says you."

"As I was saying," Phil growled, giving her a bitter look as the Stans smirked and Wendy gave her young friend a supportive wink, "I think that, aye, as much as I despise Corduroy, she does have a point. It's good to exercise."

"Oh," said Wendy, surprised that he was agreeing with her, even if it had come after the expected insult. "Thanks, Pink, that-"

"Shut up, you, I wasn't finished!" Phil snapped, destroying her temporary tolerance of him. "I was going to add that beauty's in the eye of the beholder and in oneself, and neither Melody nor anyone else here should try to change their appearance in a way that makes them uncomfortable." He turned to the couple. "What matters is that you love each other. You want to change how you look, do it for yourselves or one another. Nobody else. Especially not this selfish bi-"

"Phil!"

"...Piece of crap?" Phil offered instead of his original insult.

"I freaking hate you so much," Wendy whispered, the two redheads locking daggers.

"We'll accept that one," Stan decided after a moment's consideration.

"No, we won't!" Dipper snapped as Wendy and Mabel frowned.

"You can save the crap about it being what's on the inside that counts," Stan growled, also not particularly fond of the former time-cop. For several reasons, the main one probably being that he was a former cop. "Easy for someone as good looking as you to say stuff like that, but when you spend as much time working out or fixing your hair as you obviously do, can't help but think you're more superficial than you want to admit."

"Hey!" cried Pacifica and Gideon, thinking of the ridiculous amount of time they spent on their own hairstyles.

"Actually, Stanley, I've met his ex-wife and she was by no means thin, but he's still called her beautiful." Mabel confirmed. "Phil might care a lot about his own looks, but I believe him when he says that shouldn't matter to others."

"Thank you, Mabel!" Phil beamed as Stan grumbled. "Although, I will admit, I do prefer ladies of a generous size. Melody's gorgeous as far as I'm concerned and if she ever has a daughter who takes after Soos then they'll be even prettier."

"Aw!" Soos and Mabel said together.

"Thanks, I guess?" said Melody, scratching her head and not sure how to feel about that.

"Big girls are way better than all those skinny types you see on film and TV," Stan grudgingly said, annoyed to find himself on the same side as the ex-cop.

"I'm a lucky guy for finding someone with brains, heart, and beauty," Soos immediately agreed.

"While I prefer thinner girls, you could argue that Melody has a better figure in many ways to either Pacifica or Wendy as, though they do possess an incredible bust and butt between them, their overall appeal is brought down by their severe lack of the other. Melody has a decent volume of both, particularly her bottom half, which is what I personally prefer. Not as good as Wendy's but pretty decent. Though I sometimes wish Wendy could be a little more like Pacifica and feel disappointed that only Pacifica's upper body has developed so well."

Crickets chirped outside, audible even through walls of the building, so intense was the silence in that little shop of mysteries.

"I think this might be the single most awkward moment of my entire life," Dipper managed to say, his face blank from an overload of emotions as Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose and Melody dragged her palm down her face. "Which is saying something."

"But you don't care how a girl looks as long as she's got a good heart, right?" Gideon quickly said, glancing at Pacifica, who was considering herself in one of the Shack's full-body mirrors, twisting sideways and looking forlornly at her backside.

"Well, yeah, obviously!" Dipper said, his answer so immediate and so full of offense at even being asked a question like that, that it instantly went a long way to raising his standing among the women in the Shack and healing the damage wrought by his brutal honesty a moment ago. "Kindness, personality, and actions are way more important than looks."

"Yes!" cried Phil, pumping a fist. "Candy is still in the race!"

"God damn you, Phil," Pacifica muttered, tearing her eyes away from her reflection to glare at him.

"Eh, personality's nice but I like tall guys with hot bods myself," Mabel shrugged, Pacifica patting Gideon on the shoulder as he let out a pained whimper. Then Mabel suddenly let out a gasp, bouncing up and down and pointing at Dipper excitedly. "He likes big butts and he cannot lie!" she sang. "My twin brother cannot deny! When Wendy walks in with her normal-sized waist and her round thing in his face, he gets-!"

"SHUT UP, MABEL!" Pacifica, Wendy and Dipper screamed as one.

"Rude," Mabel muttered, crossing her arms and pouting.

"Alright, alright!" Ford yelled. "Enough with the body talk! It's making me very uncomfortable, especially considering their ages. Listen, we need to figure this out. I have a few ideas for testing the limits of this truth serum. In the meantime, we'd all better keep our mouths shut until this wears off or I can develop a counter-agent. We don't want anyone to ask anything dangerous or personal. Again."

"Why yes, this could be very troublesome," Gideon piped up suddenly, giving Pacifica a lightning-fast glance. "Someone could ask some rather embarrassing questions and you all would be forced to answer! Such questions like - and this is completely off the top of my head here -"

"Wait!" Melody cried out as Phil and several others reached out to stop the young boy.

"- who's the person you care about most?"

"Mabel," Dipper said at the exact same time Mabel said, "Dipper."

"Melody," said Soos, another obvious answer.

"Mabel," said Stan, flinching as his favourite was revealed.

"Dipper," said Ford, doing the same as the brothers looked at their second-most important person guiltily.

Dipper and Mabel shared a glance, not surprised by their answers but still pleased that their favourite great-uncle favoured them too. They simply gave an accepting shrug to the men, knowing it didn't mean the other didn't love them any less, which the brothers were very relieved by.

"Dipper."

Almost everyone turned to Wendy in surprise, the tall teenager letting out a short, frustrated sigh through her nostrils at their expressions.

"R-really?" Dipper asked, looking the most surprised by her answer.

Wendy looked at him. "Apparently," she said, her tone guarded.

"Oh." Dipper paused, considering her body language and the way she said it. "I didn't think I was that important to you. That makes me very happy."

Wendy's mouth twitched. "Of course you're important to me, Dipper. And I shouldn't have to tell you why."

"You're right, you don't." Dipper said, a strange smile on his face, one that while definitely happy also hinted at a little sadness.

"See what you've done?" Phil growled, pressing down on Gideon's head, hard enough to mess up his pompadour but not enough to outright hurt him. "Feel good about yourself now?"

Gideon saw Pacifica out the corner of his eye, the only one who hadn't turned to Wendy or even seemed surprised by her answer. There was a dullness to her eyes and her shoulders dropped in defeat even as her fists clenched in frustration. "Not really," he mumbled, looking away.

"Well, I'm super curious," Mabel grunted, watching her brother and friend carefully.

"Me too," Pacifica said, finally facing Wendy to give her a cold look. "Why is Dipper-"

"That's none of your goddamn business, Northwest, and I've already said more than I wanted anyone to hear!" Wendy spat, raising her fist. "Finish that question and I'll blacken your eye, wedding or no wedding!"

"What are you dudes even doing here, anyway?" Soos asked, scratching his head. "Shack's closed for wedding stuff."

Phil shrugged as he pulled Pacifica out of harm's way. "Wanted to make sure that you didn't need any help in case an annoying pair of gremlins had come along to wreck your big day. Or something like that. Although it seems I'm a wee bit late," he grunted, Pacifica and Gideon looking very uneasy at the situation.

"So, uh, how did this happen?" Pacifica asked as innocently as she could, guessing that if Phil were going to voice his suspicions on who was responsible, he would have done so already.

"Wendy was given some chocolates from a secret admirer," Ford explained. "She shared them with us and now everybody but Melody's stuck telling the truth."

"That does sound unfortunate," Gideon said, keeping his face straight. "What kind of person or mythical creature would do something like that?"

Dipper turned to his sister. "Mabel?"

"Why're you accusing me?" she asked, looking hurt.

"You've been very curious about the private conversations I had with Wendy and Wendy Two during the clone adventure. And you were the one who gave those truth-telling dentures to Stan, how do we know you haven't tried something like that again?"

"I was annoyed yet proud," Stan growled.

"I - okay, yeah, that's a fair point," Mabel reluctantly admitted. "But I had nothing to do with this! I'd have just eaten the chocolates myself and slipped you the serum! Not that I would!" she quickly added, seeing Dipper narrow his eyes. "I'm trying to respect boundaries, even when it's super hard and annoying. Besides, I learned my lesson from when I did it to Stan: the truth isn't always a good thing and some people do stuff that it's better you don't know about."

The younger Pines twins shuddered at the unfiltered honesty of those dark days.

"Yes, I also had a few unpleasant experiences with those teeth," Ford grunted. "Though this doesn't seem quite as strong. Whatever did you do with them, anyway?"

"Put them in a chest, chained it with a padlock and threw it in the bottomless pit."

"You made the right call, well done," Ford told his great-niece, stroking her head affectionately. He picked up one of the chocolates and peered at it, straightening his glasses. "Wait a minute, this substance on top…" He ran his finger over the surface, staring intently at the bright powder for a moment before licking it. "Aha! This is made from pixie dust! I'm sure I made a formula very similar to this in my second journal. This is less refined, to be sure, but-"

"Yeah, yeah, whoever did this isn't as skilled as you, we got it," Stan growled. He turned to Gideon. "You had that journal for a couple'a years, you remember reading about this stuff or how to cure it?"

"I skimmed that page a few times, yes," Gideon said, his poker face unwavering. "I believe it stopped working after twenty-four to forty-eight hours, though I don't recall a particular counter-agent."

"Oh, man, my wedding's tomorrow!" Soos wailed. "Why'd this have to happen? Who'd do such a thing?"

"Good question," Phil said, Pacifica hoping everyone was too worked up to notice the sweat on her brow.

"Wait a minute!" Mabel cried. "I know who did this!"

"Y-you do?" Pacifica asked, putting a hand on Gideon's shoulder as she felt Phil move behind them, blocking any retreat.

"It's obvious!" Mabel declared, pacing back and forth in front of Gideon and Pacifica. "Who'd have access to the information from Ford's journal and be clever enough to make a potion with it, somebody who's already shown a willingness to do anything to get their own way?" She stopped pacing in front of Gideon, her face murderous. "Even attempting the cold-blooded murder of my brother?" she growled as the pre-teen flinched at the hate in her brown eyes.

"Hey, this wasn't Gideon's fault!" Pacifica snapped, stepping between them. "He's not the one you should blame!"

Mabel blinked in surprise at her furious face. "Gideon? No, I was gonna blame Jenna Myles. This is all her doing."

"Who?" asked Phil, seeing everyone else immediately accept this wrong truth.

"Oh, yeah, that's actually a perfectly reasonable conclusion," Pacifica said, surprised. Then relief flooded through her as she realised she had the perfect scapegoat, one she had no qualms framing.

"Oh, God, I've killed us all," Wendy breathed, turning paler than usual as she stared at the chocolates.

"Wait, what?" Pacifica said, her relief dissipating as she saw the terrified looks when they assumed the worst.

"Oh, I don't feel so good," Dipper moaned, whiter than even Wendy, one hand at the tiny scar on his neck, the other clutching his stomach.

"Wait, wait wait!" Ford cried out, raising his hands to try and calm the growing panic he could see on their faces. "Pixie dust isn't lethal to humans! At least not in this tiny amount! I doubt this is anything other than a truth serum!"

"Y-you promise?"

Ford faltered at the desperation and fear in his great-nephew's eyes, Mabel biting her lip anxiously as she rubbed his back to offer as much relief as she could. "I believe so, Dipper. But I'll test them to be sure, a thousand times if I have to."

Dipper nodded, struggling to swallow. "Okay. Good, that's good." He sagged, letting out a nervous giggle as the icy chill of terror left him, replaced by warm relief.

"Bloody hell," Phil whispered, thrown by the young boy's reaction. "What happened to him?"

"Something awful," Pacifica whispered back, the guilt coming back with a vengeance that left her queasy.

"I'm so sorry for doing this to you guys," Wendy told them. "I knew she'd want revenge, but I never thought she'd do something like this!"

"It's fine," Dipper told her, managing to smile. "You couldn't have known. Uh, probably best to check any more surprise gifts you get from now on?"

"And things could have been a whole lot worse," Mabel added. "Truth serum's annoying and embarrassing, sure, but at least she didn't try to kill you. Then again, considering what I've seen you and your dad eat, poison might not have worked anyway."

"That's very possible," said Dipper, thinking of the dinners he'd shared with the Corduroy family.

"You should see what he drinks," Wendy said. "Literally burns holes in the furniture."

"Fascinating," said Ford, stroking his chin. "I want to run several invasive and potentially painful tests on a member of your family to conduct research into your exceptional physiology."

"I've got three brothers and I'm willing to let you do it on any of them, but want to trick you into paying me for it."

"Stuff like that's one of the reasons I like you so much," Stan told her. "Damn it, this stuff's making me sound soft."

"You can study Wendy's family later, " Melody said. "I'm sure you can come to an arrangement, maybe give her brothers some money and promise not to hurt them-"

"I can't promise that."

"I'm okay with him not promising that."

Melody ignored them. "But for now, you should just focus on finding an antidote for the pixie dust."

"And nobody should ask any questions anymore because nobody seems to like the answers, least of all the person giving them," Mabel added. She turned to Gideon, scowling. "Yes, Gideon, I'm talking about you. Honestly, I thought you were smarter than to blurt out such a potentially embarrassing question while we're being brutally honest. You didn't say it because you were hoping I'd say you, were you?"

Gideon gave her a pained look. "I'm too smart and nowhere near delusional enough to think like that anymore," he muttered.

"Hey, leave him alone," Pacifica snapped, not needing to add his being punished for trying to help her to her list of regrets. "Anyone can slip up. And you should apologise for making it look like you were going to accuse Gideon of slipping Wendy the dust!"

"Still find it weird that they've gotten close," Stan grunted, nodding at Pacifica and Gideon.

"You used to think the same thing about me and Wendy," Dipper whispered in annoyance. His annoyance grew when he didn't deny it.

"I did not!" Mabel snapped. Then she hesitated, looking behind her. "Did I?"

"You kinda did, dude," Soos said, Melody and the Stans nodding behind her.

"I was ready to drop-kick him into the pit," said Wendy.

"Oh." Mabel looked at the boy. "Sorry about that. Get a little carried away sometimes."

"It's okay!" Gideon said immediately, even more relieved than Pacifica to not be accused. "Just caught me off-guard is all." Then he brightened as an idea popped into his head. "Say! I've dabbled in chemistry and spent a few years with that journal, why don't I help you research the dust? Pacifica can also stay here, spend some time to take your mind off our troubles and-"

No," stated Phil, putting a hand on the pre-teen's shoulder. "This looks like it's a family matter, and a very delicate one at that." He grabbed Pacifica by a bicep. "If you need anything, give us a call but we'll get out of your hair for now so you can handle it alone."

"That would be very much appreciated," Melody said, giving them a grateful smile as the former-cop pulled them to the exit.

"But-" Pacifica protested, looking back at Dipper and Wendy, now worried that her fears weren't unfounded.

"They don't need people pestering them, especially with a wedding tomorrow," Phil snapped, half-dragging, half-carrying them back to the car. He whistled at Duchess as he passed, the well-trained yellow dog stopping the game she was playing with the friendly pig and the indifferent goat to join her humans. He only let go of them when he reached the car, pulling the door open for them. "Get in."

"But-!" said Pacifica, biting her lip and looking back at the Shack.

Phil loomed over them, his face thunderous. "Get. In."

The two blondes swallowed and did as commanded, quickly buckling their seat belts as the dog settled between them and Phil slipped into the driver's seat.

"Where you taking us?" Gideon asked as the Irishman checked the mirrors. "Back to the arcade?"

Phil scoffed. "You think I'm going to let you two go back to having fun and games after what you just pulled? No. We're going to Greasy's. At this time of day, we can get a quiet booth and then you can tell me exactly why you did what you did."

"We-"

"Not now!" Phil snapped, turning towards the back, glaring over their heads as he reversed. "I'm too mad at you. I'll have settled down by the time we get there and that'll give you two long enough to realise how much you've buggered up."

Gideon cleared his throat awkwardly and turned to face out the window in shame. Pacifica slumped in her seat as she felt the fury coming off the cyborg, not even reacting when Duchess tried to give her a comforting nuzzle. There hadn't been many adults who'd treated her as kindly as Phil had. And now she wondered if she'd squandered that affection for the sake of petty revenge and jealousy.

"Hey, uh, Melody?" Wendy asked hesitantly as they heard the car drive away. "I know I don't have a right to ask you for anything after what I said, but can you call my Dad? I, uh, I'm worried that if I go home I might end up blurting out stuff that can get me shipped off to military school or something, which I'd especially hate right now because I'm trying to become less of a trouble-maker. Which is ironic, considering what I've done today."

Melody looked at the tall redhead, uncharacteristically awkward as she asked for the favour. Then she let out a sigh before giving her a strained smile. "Sure. What are friends for?"

"So kind and forgiving," Soos said, grinning to himself. "I still can't believe I found a girl as amazing as you."

And just like that, Melody's smile became much more sincere and the frustrations of the day didn't seem half as bad.