They had been sitting at the diner booth for a long time now. The seconds ticked by with agonizing slowness, Gideon and Pacifica shifting uncomfortably as Phil continued to glare.
He'd barely spoken since they'd left the Shack. He had said a few words to Susan when they entered the diner but nothing to them, only letting his glare intensify when they'd tried to speak.
Pacifica suspected it might be an interrogation technique he'd been taught as a cop. Or something he'd learned raising his own child. Or both. Either way it was effective. At first she had been dreading whatever he was going to say to them. Now the silence was so heavy she was almost eager for him to say something, even if she knew they wouldn't like it.
Phil tapped the table with the fingers of his human hand, watching them squirm. "Why?" he demanded when he decided they'd had enough.
Pacifica and Gideon shared a glance, trying to decide who should answer and how best to do it.
Gideon swallowed. "We thought-"
"Not. You." Phil gave the boy a piercing look that made him quail before he turned his full attention to Pacifica. "Why?" he asked again.
Pacifica licked her lips as she briefly thought of what to say. Amazing that she was struggling to think of a response after being so desperate for an end to the silence. "We...no, I wanted to know what Wendy thought of Dipper. Because of the - the kiss. Thing. With, uh, with her clone. So I came up with an idea to use truth potions."
"But she didn't know where to make them so I told her about-"
"Shut up," Phil told the young boy, holding up a warning finger. "I'll get to you in a minute. Continue," he commanded, turning back to Pacifica.
Pacifica gave Gideon a sympathetic look for trying to come to her aid and suffering for it but decided not to do anything else about it. They were on thin ice already and she didn't want to make things worse. "I called Gideon. I asked him if he knew about something that would make her be honest and he said a formula was mentioned in the second journal. Then I asked for his help and we, uh, we got the ingredients and I...poured it on some chocolates I put in Wendy's mailbox. But I didn't think she was going to give some to the others!" she quickly added. "Really! It never even crossed my mind, I assumed she'd eat them all for herself! If I'd known Soos and the Pines family would be affected, I wouldn't have done it!"
"Well, I guess that makes it alright then, doesn't it?" Phil sarcastically replied. "How nice to see that you only wanted to poison one person for your own needs and not a bunch."
"It wouldn't have hurt her," Pacifica said, a little indignation creeping into her voice even as she blushed. "Gideon made sure of that."
"I'll remember that if anyone ever tries to slip something in your food," Phil sneered. "Who cares how it makes you act, as long as you're still standing afterwards?" He turned to Gideon as Pacifica looked away, unable to respond. "And you. For whatever reason, Pacifica seems to like you. I don't. I think you've done too much to too many people and this town's too hasty to forgive you for it," he stated, indifferent to the boy's flinch.
"But I'm just the driver so Pacifica's allowed to make any friends she wants and I won't come between that unless they threaten her safety. But I will give you a bit of advice on being a better person, which Mabel and Pacifica seem to think you're trying to be." He leaned closer. "Good people try to stop their friends from doing bad things, especially when it's bound to get other people hurt. So what do you have to say to that, smart guy? Huh?"
"I, I don't -" Gideon began, struggling to think of a reply as Pacifica said something under her breath.
"What was that?" Phil snapped, giving her a sharp look.
Pacifica let out a frustrated sigh. "I said, 'he did', alright? He did try. Several times. Yesterday and today. I basically begged him to help me and used every manipulative trick I could think of to convince him. And even then he kept asking if I was sure and told me I could stop at any time if I wanted to. But I didn't." She looked down. "I used our friendship as leverage. You want to yell at us, go ahead, but don't call Gideon the bad guy when I'm the one who used him."
Gideon rubbed his neck. He was used to people coming to his defense. His parents used to do it for every tantrum and outburst, no matter how extreme. Likewise, the prisoners he became attached to while in prison. They'd threatened any guard or therapist who had dared criticise him, even when he was stirring up trouble just to amuse himself. But for some reason it didn't make his actions feel justified this time. It only made him feel worse.
"I let you use me, Pacifica," he said, softly. "I'm smart enough to know what you were doing; I'd done it often enough myself. But I still went along with it instead of trying harder or outright refusing."
"What, is this supposed to make a difference?" Phil said, raising his eyebrows and looking at them both. "That you feel guilt? You know, there used to be some arguments among the force about criminals like that. Which was worse, a criminal who felt bad but still did the crime, or the criminal who never felt bad for anything? You want to discuss the philosophy of that argument, you can talk to your buddy Snake Eyes-"
"Ghost Eyes," Gideon mumbled.
"I don't care!" Phil yelled, slamming a hand on the counter. "You both messed up!"
There was another heavy silence, made worse this time by the shush that fell over the diner at the outburst. Susan came over to check that everything was alright, Phil apologising and ordering tea for himself and milk for the kids, though neither had asked. Then the silence resumed as they waited for their order, the youths waiting for the adult to continue.
Phil drummed his fingers on the table again. "Do you know how you know you're doing something wrong instead of something that's only selfish?" he asked them at last.
"Um, aren't they kinda the same thing?" Pacifica said, puzzled.
"Not necessarily," Gideon said, slowly. "Ghost Eyes would say that some people do bad things for selfless reasons. Conversely, some people do good things for selfish reasons. He'd also speak at length about the definition of right and wrong depending on multiple factors like religion, laws, personal versus societal beliefs, etcetera - but I'm highly doubtin' that's the answer you were lookin' for," he quickly finished, seeing the look on Phil's face.
"When you're selfish, you hardly know it," Phil said through clenched teeth. "We've all been selfish. Me, both of you, hell, even Mabel and Soos have been selfish without meaning it. Usually, it comes as a surprise when someone calls you out for it because it never occurred to you that it could be seen that way. It's why it happens so often. But when you do something that you know is wrong, you are aware. You try to hide it. So, why didn't you come to me for help?" he asked Pacifica. "You know how I feel about Corduroy. I helped you out with her rogue clones and liked it more than I probably should have. Why not ask for my advice instead of sneaking around behind my back and lying about where you were and what you were doing?"
Pacifica swallowed as he held her gaze. She wanted to lie. She really did. Or maybe say something witty or sarcastic or even spiteful, like she would have a year ago. Anything to stop him looking at her like that. But instead, she told the truth.
"You would have told me not to or convinced me that it was wrong. It wasn't just about getting the truth from Wendy, it was about making her suffer for what she did. Heck, it wasn't even really her but I still wanted her to pay for it because I felt bad and I wanted her to feel bad too. Share the pain. But you would have stopped me. And I didn't want to be stopped, even if I knew I was doing a bad thing for a bad reason."
Phil grunted. "Nice to see that you can be honest in the end. And all it takes is for someone to figure it out and force the truth from you."
"Oh, come on Phil! I know I messed up but-"
"Then why haven't you confessed, huh?" he hissed. "You had plenty of opportunities at the Shack. But all you did was lie and fake ignorance. Hell, you even let someone else take the blame for it!"
Gideon cleared his throat. "Well, to be fair to Pacifica, Jenna Myles is a despicable individual by even my old villainous standards."
"Yeah, if you knew what she did, you wouldn't care what we blamed her for," Pacifica hastily agreed. "She's a monster, a murderous piece of-"
"There we go!" said Phil, his eyes flashing in anger. "See? The moment an excuse comes up, you latch onto it! I don't care if she eats puppies for breakfast, that does not give you the right to blame her for someone else's crimes, especially not your own! And you're still ignoring the point! Why are we here when you should be apologising to Soos and Melody for causing so much trouble for them, potentially ruining the best day of their lives? Well? Go on, answer me."
"Because - it wouldn't solve anything right now and if I did then they'd have more to worry about-"
"No," Phil growled, holding up a warning finger. "You're finally being honest with me here, Pacifica, so don't you dare ruin that streak now. Tell me the real reason, not the one you want me to believe."
Pacifica clenched her fists under the table, wishing he would let her at least use this one last excuse. But it looked like she wouldn't get to keep even that.
"I want to go to the wedding. I want to feel like I'm part of a happy family for once, to share a special moment with friends. To hang out with Mabel and hopefully dance with Dipper. Maybe Soos and Melody would forgive me and let me come anyway. Mabel might too. But I can't risk that with Dipper. I know it's stupid and childish but I've been dreaming about dancing with him like this for so long and I don't want to jeopardise that."
"And we finally get to the heart of the matter," Phil growled. "You two care more about spending the day with your crushes than you do about a couple celebrating their love."
"Oh, come on, that's not fair!" Pacifica protested.
"We never meant for any of this to happen!" Gideon piped in. "It was a stupid mistake that got out of hand!"
"Yeah, I just want one more special day with them before they leave! I swear, after the wedding, I'll confess to everything and find some way to make it up to all of them!"
"Oh, will you now?" Phil said, raising a sceptical eyebrow. "Even if that means those Pines kids get upset and don't want to spend their last week with either of you? Even if they decide to rescind their invitations to their birthday or saying goodbye at the bus stop?"
Pacifica opened her mouth, her promise dying in her throat as she thought of being unable to see either of them before they returned home for another nine months. Beside her, Gideon looked down at his hands, thinking of how much damage he'd done to the Pines family, wondering if he'd squandered the second chance Mabel had offered him.
Phil looked between them. "Aye, that's what I thought," he sighed, wishing at least one of them had surprised him. "Still, I guess you'd better make the most of the time you've got left with your friends."
"What does that mean?" she asked quietly, something about the way he said it filling her with a growing sense of dread.
"It means, Pacifica Northwest, that you took advantage of me and I'm not going to let that slide," he answered, giving her a cold look. "When I took this job, your father instructed me to watch over you at all times, even if that restricted your freedom. Old habits die hard, I guess," he grunted as Pacifica narrowed her eyes. "He also suggested that I try to convince you to quit your job and make different friends. 'Encourage her to find an occupation that won't tarnish our good name and to stop associating with her inferiors' was the phrase he used if I recall correctly. I decided to ignore those orders because I thought you deserved the chance to make your own choices. Even if I didn't agree with them," he added with a nod towards Gideon, who frowned.
"And in response, you lied to me, went behind my back, and decided to potentially put yourself and your little pal here in danger. So now I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you until I feel like I can trust you again. Which is why, from the moment I arrive at your house until I leave, I won't be letting you out of my sight except when I leave you at school."
"Wait, what?" Pacifica cried. "Phil, you can't! I'm trying to get people to stop seeing me as the spoiled rich girl, I can't have my bodyguard drop me off! And I'm finally starting to make friends! Do you have any idea how hard it will be to make more if you're always there? This is exactly why I wanted you to be my bodyguard - because I thought you'd give me some space!"
"And look what happened," he growled. "Actions have consequences, Pacifica. You should have thought of that before you chose to cause trouble just because your crush doesn't like you back."
"Like you wouldn't do the same to your ex-wife's boyfriend!"
She regretted the words before she finished saying them, even Gideon letting out a hiss at the flash of pain on the man's face.
"Oh," she whispered. "Oh, Phil. I am so, so sorry." She reached her hand out to his but he pulled it away.
"Your shift's about to start," he said, looking out the window. "Go do your job. Leave me alone to do mine."
She stared at him, regretting the last few seconds more than anything else she'd done that day. She turned to Gideon, desperately hoping he could offer something that would help make the pain go away for at least one of them. But she knew that was too much to ask of the poor boy and felt her guilt grow at expecting even more from him after everything else he'd done for her that day.
"Pacifica, I-"
"It's okay, Gideon," she told him, somehow managing to smile. "Thanks for going along with me. But you should go home. I need to get changed for my shift."
And without saying anything else, she slid out of the booth and made her way to the back, fetching her uniform from her locker, and gave Susan a little smile to pretend the older woman had nothing to be concerned about before making her way to serve the customers.
She passed Phil as quickly as she could, too ashamed of herself and her actions to even look at him. But she paused when she saw that Gideon hadn't left, only moved a few booths down from where they had all sat a minute ago.
"What are you still doing here?" she asked him, surprised.
He shrugged. "Figured I'd stick around a while longer. In case you needed something else. Think you might still need a friend to help you out with whatever happens next."
She smiled again, this time more sincerely. "Thanks, Gideon. You're actually an okay guy when you-"
"Besides, I think someone needs to give you some lessons on sharing and other norms."
"Ha!"
"Wasn't actually joking. Considering what happened this afternoon, I've decided to make it my personal mission to teach you about manners and other social behaviour. You need some serious help in that regard, Pacifica Northwest."
"Oh," she said, annoyance wiping the smile off her face. "Well, that's...nice of you? I guess."
"Any time!" he answered brightly, returning to his menu.
She shook her head as she walked past, wondering if this was that karma thing people had warned her about.
But Phil's words stuck with her as she worked, almost as much as her own to him. She considered how to apologise, but she knew even less about that than sharing. Too many years spent getting her own way, no matter the cost, financial or otherwise. It was times like this she missed being the self-centred brat who didn't care how her actions affected other people.
Though those days might not be as far gone as she thought, considering her recent behaviour.
She avoided Phil's booth as much as she could, even going the long way to the kitchen or till to avoid passing him. Partially because she wanted some time to think of the best way to make it up to him. But mostly because the memory of the way he'd looked at her made her belly knot so much it made her queasy.
As time went on, she finally worked up the nerve to glance over. He was still staring out the window, with a cup of tea at his elbow and the two glasses of milk he'd ordered for her and Gideon standing untouched.
She didn't know why but that sight made her feel a little empty inside.
When it was time to take out the trash she jumped at it, despite sometimes struggling with them due to her size. But it was a welcome excuse to get out of the diner for a few moments, unable to use her normal work as a distraction from the outside stresses like she normally did.
She pushed the bags into the trash bin with a grunt, wiping her brow and listening to the natural silence of nature. "Why do I keep disappointing the people I like?" she asked the woods, wishing someone could give her the answer she needed.
Instead, a hand landed on her head and started to squeeze with ludicrous strength.
"Hello, Pacifica," Wendy growled. "I'd like to have a few words."
"Ow ow ow ow!" Pacifica gasped as fingers like iron dug into her skull.
"Not the words I was looking for, but they are making me feel a little better," Wendy said before letting go.
Pacifica hissed as she clutched her head, glancing around and noting with some relief that the older girl appeared to be alone. That relief quickly died when she realised that they were alone together.
"Uh, h-hi, Wendy!" Pacifica said with too much cheer, swallowing thickly as her eyes darted towards the diner's back door and wondered if Phil would be able to hear her screams over the noise from the kitchen and if he'd make it in time even if he could. "W-what would you like to talk about?"
Wendy loomed over her, the younger girl taking a step back at the look in her eyes. "You know damn well what I want to talk about! I came here wanting to hit you so hard you wouldn't be able to walk straight, so don't you dare deny what you did!"
Pacifica saw the fury in those emerald green eyes and would have believed her even without the truth serum. She knew the redhead had a reputation for being cool under pressure, but it wasn't the first time she'd seen her this mad. When their bodies had been stolen by three old women, when Bill had Stan and Ford in his clutches, and when they'd all worked together to save both men and Dipper from Jenna and her enslaved army.
All times when people she cared about were being threatened.
She was surprised to find that her fear suddenly vanished, sagging as a wave of weariness washed over her and removed any intention to flee or resist at all. Instead she took a deep breath. "Yeah, alright. Just give me a sec."
Wendy stood up a little straighter, confused by her target's reaction. She was so confused, she didn't even try to stop her as she slowly walked towards the diner's back door, though that was in part because she knew her longer legs and impressive speed would let her catch up to her in no time if she did try and run, but something told her that wasn't what was happening.
Pacifica opened the door a crack and called through it. "I'm going on break! I'll be out here so don't worry if you can't see me!"
"Okay, dearie, you rest up!"
Pacifica didn't reply as she let the door swing shut, slowly walking back to the tall redhead. She spread out her arms when she reached her, screwing her eyes shut and bracing for the impact. "Okay, I'm ready. Go ahead."
As she stood there, she recalled a scene that at the time had been as satisfying as it had been shocking: a boot striking a witch's face with enough force to knock out her teeth and send her flying. She hoped Wendy wasn't quite that angry with her.
That image flashed through her head a few times as the seconds passed, making her grimace from expectation. Then a few more seconds passed with nothing happening and her curiosity overpowered her caution enough to force one eye open, wondering if it would make the blow hurt more or less if she saw it coming.
Wendy stood with her head cocked to the side. "What are you doing?"
"Umm...waiting for you to hit me so hard I won't be able to walk straight?"
Wendy frowned. "Is this some sort of reverse psychology?"
"Nope," Pacifica sighed. "Just me accepting the inevitable. Listen, I don't mean to rush you but can you get it over with? Phil could pop out at any second and no matter how mad at me he is, I doubt he'd let you get away with this." She closed her eyes again and prepared herself as best she could, not feeling quite so resolute this time.
Wendy stared at her. "You're serious. You're really willing to stand there while I wail on you."
Pacifica gave a brief nod. "I manipulated one friend, lied to another, and caused trouble for a whole family of people who've treated me better than I deserve on what should be one of the most important days of their lives. All to get back at you for something you didn't even do."
She opened her eyes and looked at the ground. "I'm the bad guy, Wendy. I thought I'd stopped that but I was just kidding myself. The only difference is that now I can accept it when I need to be punished."
She closed her eyes for the third time, this time struggling to maintain her composure as she prepared herself as best she could. "Just - hurry up. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stand here waiting for it."
Wendy looked the girl up and down, trying to figure out if this was some Northwest trick. It didn't feel like one. Then she noticed her grimace and the slight tremble in the girl's legs.
She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Put your arms down, Pacifica. I'm not going to hit you."
"You're not?" Pacifica repeated blankly, her arms dropping to her side. "But you said-"
"Yeah, I know what I said!" Wendy snapped. "I really did mean to beat the crap out of you when I realised what you did, doesn't mean I would have done it!"
"What? How does that make sense?"
"It makes perfect sense! It's one of those situations where you psych yourself up for something, then you finally get your chance and realise your heart isn't into it after all. Like when you tell yourself that you're going to treat yourself to that new phone but when you arrive at the store, you see the price tag and suddenly realise that you don't want it enough to pay that much, even though you were a minute ago."
"Never had that problem."
Wendy glared at her, suddenly reminded of the vast difference in their families wealth, even when the Northwests were at their lowest point. "It's like when you really want to eat a dessert but then you think of the carbs and decide it's not worth it."
"Oh, I get you now."
"I'm not speaking personally. I don't put on weight, no matter how much junk I eat."
"Your butt says otherwise," Pacifica muttered, peering round her.
"See? It happened again. Came this close to smacking you but then I thought better of it. Want to try and say something like that again, see if it'll be the same for the third time?"
"Uh, no, I'm good, thanks," Pacifica said quickly, deciding she shouldn't push it when she'd already come so close to sending her over the edge.
"Thought not," Wendy grunted.
"So. You're not going to beat me. Have you...told the others yet that it was me?" she asked quietly.
"Oh. Hadn't thought of that," Wendy admitted. She mulled it over for a little bit, but didn't take long to reach her decision. "Nah. I'm good. Well, not unless someone asks me directly, but I don't think that's likely."
"You - what? Why not?" Pacifica asked, bewildered. "I caused you guys so much trouble! Even if I didn't mean for it to hit the others, I definitely meant for you to suffer! Why are you letting me off like this?"
Wendy shrugged. "What good would it do? Melody and Ford I'm not sure about but I think Stan and Abuelita would be furious, even if Soos, Dipper and Mabel would probably forgive you. You want to tell them go ahead - but wait till after tomorrow. In fact, I'd wait until after Dipper and Mabel leave. They don't have much time left and it should be spent having fun with them, not trying to apologise for one mistake."
Pacifica stared at her, unable to believe that Wendy Corduroy of all people was advising her to commit to the crime she was the intended target for. "Are you trying reverse psychology?"
Wendy scoffed. "Totally not my style, even if I thought I could do it. I'm more into the direct approach."
"Then what's wrong with you? Why are you being nice to me after everything I've done?" she demanded.
"Because I know what it's like to do something stupid and selfish and for it to get out of hand," Wendy answered simply. "Hell, last week I accidentally made an evil clone army just to get out of being grounded! Jeez, Pacifica, you think you've got the monopoly on being a selfish jerk? Dipper and Mabel have done their share too. But we say we're sorry, talk to our friends about it and then we try to do better next time."
"As simple as that?" Pacifica asked doubtfully.
Wendy gave her a look. "No," she said quietly. "No, it's much harder than it sounds. At least it is if you're doing it right. Chances are you're going to promise yourself you'll never do anything like that again and then do it anyway, either because you forgot or you come up with some lame excuse. Like I keep doing. But, hopefully, one day the message will finally sink in and we'll learn to stop causing trouble for the people around us.
"Listen, Pacifica, I'm still mad at you and think you should eventually come clean, but I get how hard that can be. And I'm also trying to be a better person and not always succeeding so I can see where you're coming from. So, if you want, I can be there with you when you do it. Or talk to Soos and the others beforehand, tell them not to be too harsh or whatever. If I can decide to give you a break, I'm sure they can too."
"...Why would you do that for me? We're not friends."
"No, we're not. But you are Dipper and Mabel's friend and I care about them too much to have them miss you." She stuck her hands deep in her pockets before walking past, hopefully towards a cure for the serum or at least a relatively quiet night amongst friends before the excitement of the next day. "I'll see you tomorrow, Pacifica. Stay out of trouble."
"Wait!"
Wendy paused and looked back, seeing the blonde watching her with a strange look; mostly anger but tempered with some fear and hesitation too.
Pacifica looked her up and down, very aware that this encounter could have turned out very badly for her. But this would be her only opportunity and she had to take the risk to settle this once and for all. "What does Dipper mean to you?"
"Are you serious?" Wendy growled, her anger returning as she turned to face her. "That's why you did all this? I thought it was just to get back at me! I've already told you a dozen times!"
"Well the evidence doesn't seem to match up to what you've been saying," Pacifica replied, folding her arms.
"What evidence?" Wendy demanded.
"Where do I even begin? What about the reason you dumped that Gill Reed guy?"
"Gill Reed was a loser and a creep!"
"Yeah, but that's not why you dumped him, is it? I heard that you'd beaten the crap out of one of your hundred boyfriends. And then I remembered what you started to say when we were ghosts, before you cut yourself short. I assumed it was because he'd tried to play Mister Grabby with that huge backside of yours and you didn't want to mention something like that in front of Mabel, but that wasn't it at all was it? See, I did some research-"
"Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?"
"-and imagine my surprise when it turns out you spent a week in jail for assault over a hat," Pacifica sneered, ignoring her. "At first I didn't believe it but then I saw how you reacted when Jenna tried the same thing. Why? Why is a hat so important to you if you two are only friends?"
"Because he's not just my friend, he's my best friend! More than that, he's my hero, alright? That makes this hat a symbol, like those stupid What Would Buddha or Superman Do bracelets or t-shirts people wear to make them act better!"
"Clearly hasn't helped you," Pacifica said with snort.
"You think I don't know that?" Wendy snapped. "But I still want to be better and hopefully one day I'll be more like him!"
"Why do you even care about being more like him? You're already popular and cool, why would you-"
"Because he's better than me, dammit! He's brave and kind and smart and literally the best person I know! But for some reason he keeps looking up to me, and one day I'm scared that he's going to see the real me and be disappointed! I already let my Dad down half the time, I can't have Dipper look at me like that too!"
Pacifica faltered, taken aback by her words and the look of pain in Wendy's eyes as the truth was forced out. She knew all about disappointing a father, and how important it was to not to let people see how flawed you really were. But then her insecurities rose to the surface again and she pushed her sympathy aside.
"Then why did you trail off instead of telling us it was over your hat?" she demanded.
"Because it's none of your business! Besides, if I did, you would have gotten jealous and Mabel would have blown it way out of proportion. We had more important things to worry about - like getting our bodies back! - and I didn't need to deal with any more snide remarks from you or Mabel's constant teasing."
"Yeah, she is a nightmare for that," Pacifica grunted, unhappy that Wendy's answers were actually making sense but doing nothing to distil her concerns. "Okay then, what about when he was under the influence of that magic lust gem?"
"Uch, please don't bring that up," Wendy begged, putting a hand to her face.
"Not exactly my fondest memory either," Pacifica muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "But looking back at it, I can't help but notice a discrepancy in your actions that day. You date Gill Reid for a month and then go berserk because he touched Dipper's hat. Then, Dipper gives you a spank-"
"Don't call it a spank," Wendy groaned, turning red. "It makes me very uncomfortable."
"But all you did was stand there," Pacifica continued, turning red herself. "Not even a sharp word or growl. It's almost enough to make me suspect you're one of those weird spanking-liking-people."
"Spanking-liking-people?" Wendy repeated incredulously. "Geez, Pacifica, you're almost in high school, the word is masochist and-"
"Ah-ha!" Pacifica cried, pointing an accusing finger at her. "So you admit it!"
"I am not a masochist!" Wendy snapped, blushing harder now. "I didn't react because I was in shock! Hell, even now I still don't know how to react. I mean, Dipper and butt slapping? I still can't get my head around it, it's like it just doesn't compute!"
"Bet if Stan or Ford had done it, it would have turned out differently," Pacifica grunted.
Wendy narrowed her eyes. "Yes, it would have. Because it's bad enough when someone your own age does it, it's even worse when some old dude thinks they can get away with it. Especially if they insult you for rejecting them, like you should just go along with it, no matter how it makes you feel."
"Oh," said Pacifica, hearing the shift in tone. "I, uh, I'll take your word for it."
"You'll find out yourself, soon enough. Girl as pretty as you with that figure? You're going to be very popular in high school," Wendy told her, the words not sounding like a compliment. "Keep your wits about you and don't let them get away with it, not even once or they'll get it in their head that they can take advantage of you any time they want."
"Um, thanks for the heads up?" Pacifica replied, unsure what else to say.
Wendy watched the younger girl holding herself uncomfortably, not feeling very pleased with the advice she'd given. But she'd find out sooner or later and this way she'd at least be able to prepare for it. She'd had one or two similar conversations with Mabel and her other friends but still didn't feel like she'd done enough for them. She might have to make a few more, especially since Mabel would be in California and harder to reach if she needed it.
Then her mouth twitched a little as an idea popped into her head and she decided to find out where it would lead.
"You know, you're probably going to have a few jokes aimed your way, about the company you keep," Wendy said, keeping her tone level despite the potential amusement that would come.
"Yeah, I can hear the snide remarks right now," Pacifica sighed. "Spoiled rich girl, must think she's better than us because her bodyguard drives her to school every morning and her father used to own half the town and acts like he still does."
"Well, there is that, but I was thinking more along the lines of who you hang out with during your free time."
"What, Candy and Grenda?" Pacifica asked, Wendy hiding her smile behind an expressionless face. "Who'd have a problem with that? Sure, they're odd and not very sociable, but I was the person who treated them the worst. Besides, they helped steer the Shacktron when it was fighting Bill, shouldn't that have earned them some respect?"
"Eh, teenagers have a short-term memory for stuff like that," Wendy shrugged. "Basically, we're idiots. Hopefully we'll be among the lucky ones and grow out of that before we turn into dumber adults like most people do. But no, I was talking about your new pal. People will jump to conclusions you won't like."
Pacifica tilted her head to the side, confused by the inflection in her voice. It was like she was implying something...untoward? But then who could that be? She knew how she felt about Dipper - that was the whole reason she'd gotten them in this mess - and she barely knew any men apart from him anyway.
There was Phil; she spent more time with him than anyone these days. But that was his job. Besides, she didn't think Wendy would consider something as gross or inappropriate as that, especially not after what she'd said about older men. In fact, with the exception of Phil and Dipper, the only male friend she had was -
Wendy's lips twitched in amusement as she watched the younger girl's reaction, noticing with delight that the corners of her mouth were slowly peeling back in offended disgust as her words sunk in.
"You cannot be serious," she growled.
Wendy shrugged. "I'm just warning you that people like to talk. You guys seem to have really hit it off; spending time together, sharing several hobbies, similar habits. Etcetera. Not saying it's a bad thing - in fact I think there's something weirdly nice about you two hanging out. Cute, even," she said, watching with growing amusement as Pacifica's expression twisted further. "Didn't think much of the relationship at the start, but now I think it's nice that you've got a new boy friend-"
"He is not my boyfriend!" Pacifica screamed, throttling the air in frustration. "What the hell is wrong with people? Just because I've finally found a friend who likes some of the same stuff I do and we like hanging out, everybody keeps making these stupid jokes and comments because he happens to be a guy! God, he's three years younger than me! Do you have any idea how weird it makes me feel when everyone assumes-"
Pacifica stopped suddenly, her own words echoing back at her and growing suspicious. Those suspicions were confirmed when she saw the broad grin plastered on Wendy's face. "Oh. I see what you did there. I suppose you think that was clever of you?"
"Little bit," Wendy confirmed, holding her fingers slightly apart. "But I also think you're smart enough to see how annoying it is that people jump to conclusions when you just want to enjoy a good friendship."
"Not the same and you know it," Pacifica muttered darkly. "And if you don't like people jumping to conclusions then why did you call Gideon my boyfriend?"
"Technically, I didn't. I said 'boy' and then I said 'friend'. Space in the middle. Like Thompson, Lee, and Nate are my boy friends even though I've never dated any of them and don't want to."
"Can't help but notice that Dipper wasn't on that list."
Wendy threw her hands up in exasperation. "Alright, I give up. I've tried to be reasonable but it's not getting through to you. Ask me straight up so we can put this to bed once and for all."
"Fine," Pacifica said, stepping forward until she was right in front of the taller girl, glaring up at her definitely. "Do you. Love him?"
Wendy blinked.
She hadn't expected the L word.
She'd had a couple of boyfriends say it to her, whether they'd been dating for an afternoon or a few weeks. She'd even said it back once or twice, and meant it. At least, she liked to think she'd meant it at the time. Now she wasn't so sure, not even when it had been with Robbie. All the men she'd dated had been more into her than she'd been into them, even if she'd been the one putting more work into their relationship.
She recalled the time Dipper had said it, when he'd mistaken the prone shapeshifter for her. How awkward and uncomfortable it had made her feel for someone so young to use such a heavy word like that, even during such an emotional moment. She'd quickly dismissed it as an exaggeration, seeing that he was just someone entering their teenage years and struggling with new feelings towards someone they cared for, made worse by the strange and intense urges puberty brought with it.
Just like Pacifica was now.
Wendy felt her irritation at the younger girl fall away as she saw her actions in a different way, surprised to feel them being replaced with sympathy of all things.
"Of course I love him. But I'm not in love with him," she added as quickly and gently as she could. "And I'm not attracted to him either."
"But one day you could be," Pacifica growled, still not satisfied and ignoring the initial flash of pain her words had brought.
Wendy let out a weary sigh. "Yes. One day I could be. Right now he's too young for me, too short, too sweaty. But one day all of that could change. Even if I don't want it to. There. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
Pacifica continued to glare at her a few seconds longer before taking a step back. "No," she admitted quietly, rubbing her arm as she seemed to shrink slightly. "Shouldn't be surprised. I remember the look on your face when he appeared in that pink mist."
"Oh. Him." Wendy scowled, annoyed to recall the way the real version and the pink mirage had made her heart flutter as they stared into her eyes. "No, you're right. I'm crushing hard for that guy."
"You -WHAT!?" Pacifica screamed, seething with rage. "You just told me you weren't into Dipper! What the hell, you hypocritical, lanky, ginger bi-"
"That is not our Dipper!" Wendy yelled, her hands in the air. "I keep telling you that! Ours is thirteen and can barely look a girl in the eye, that one's thirty and married with kids!"
"Married to whom, I wonder?" Pacifica said, giving her a look.
"Now don't start that again!" Wendy warned her. "Gave me serious issues last time, waking up from some dream about him - which was bad enough - only to then have to head to work and meet the thirteen year old version of the guy I'd been fantasising about. Do you have any idea how awkward that is? Imagine if you met a fit, handsome Gideon from the future-"
"Do not go there!" Pacifica warned her, holding up a stern finger. "Like that could ever even happen!"
"Yeah, well I didn't think I'd ever meet a taller, older Dipper, but guess what? I did, I thought he was hot, that's making me uncomfortable, and now there's this annoying little blonde brat who keeps mentioning it - even when I want to forget about him because it's making me weird around my best friend!"
"You're weird around him?" Pacifica narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "That makes a change. Why now? That was months ago."
"Because of what you and Wendy Two did, you idiot!"
"Me?" Pacifica repeated blankly. "What did I do?"
"What you just did a moment ago! You brought up Other Dipper! See, I had rationalised it in my head that I couldn't see our Dipper that way because they were two different people. Like being attracted to someone's uncle or older brother; just because you see the family resemblance it doesn't mean you have to be attracted to the younger one. But you kept suggesting that I was the one Other Dipper married - and then my FREAKING clone has to kiss the kid ON THE MOUTH - and now I can't see it that way anymore!"
Pacifica's eyes went wide. "So, you do-"
"I do not like Dipper!" Wendy snapped. "We've been over this! But before you and Wendy Two came along, I could never have imagined us togeth - oh, wait."
"What?" Pacifica asked, not liking the redhead's sudden silence.
"I forgot that he went back in time and I had a thing for him when I was five or something. So, apart from that, I've never - ah, crap. Just remembered that time during Weirdmageddon when we were turned into bird-people and I wanted to fly South and build a nest with him. Damn. Okay, but we were birds and wanted to eat worms so that doesn't count either!"
"Bet Dipper wouldn't agree," Pacifica muttered, earning a glare. "Bet he'd be even happier to find out that the girl he likes could have a thing for him in a few years, judging by how you react to the older one."
"Don't you dare tell him! Mention one word of Other Dipper to ours and I will make you pay!" Wendy promised, shaking a fist.
Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Like I would ever do that. Relax, I'm not that bad, I know to keep my mouth shut until the Stans are ready to discuss what happened with Mabel. Besides, the last thing I want is for Dipper to think he has a chance with you when he grows up."
"That's why he can never know! Do you have any idea how much that would hurt him?"
Pacifica stared at her, unable to follow the logic. "Hurt him? What are you talking about?"
Wendy dragged her hand down her face, trying to think of the best way to explain it. Part of her felt like it would be a waste of time, Blondie had barely listened to anything else she'd been saying. But she had to at least try.
"Look, one of Dipper's biggest faults is his insecurity, alright? Doesn't matter what he's done or what he's trying to do, it's like a part of him keeps telling him that it'll never be good enough. You know that, right?"
Pacifica shifted on the spot. "Might know a little something about that," she muttered.
Wendy tilted her head, remembering what Mabel and Dipper had told her about Pacifica's upbringing and decided not to mention it. "Well, think of it like this: we'll say that you and Dipper are the married couple with the twin girls in their dimension. Congrats. But we're not in their dimension. I spoke to him a little bit before that werearmadillo showed up and they had different experiences. For one thing, it sounded like you guys never lost your fortune in that universe."
"Hmm. Married to Dipper, twin girls, kept all my ponies. Keep going."
Wendy rolled her eyes. "Fine. That's a completely different life they've lived. You never worked at Greasy's, your dad probably sent you to some fancy private school, hopefully they never dealt with Jenna or the Cipher Cult, whole adventures and conversations that we never had. Who knows what else could have happened, and how much of that is what brought you together in the end? But none of that's happened here. And it probably won't. Maybe Dipper will meet someone in California, or you'll find a cute boy in your history class. Hell, maybe Dipper could end up gay for all we know! Stranger things have happened."
"Would explain a lot about why he likes you. You're pretty boyish, even if you stopped dressing in grubby man clothes."
Wendy closed her eyes and counted to ten. "My point is: how does it make you feel to think that some other version of you's with the person you like, knowing that it probably won't be that way for you?"
Pacifica gave her a cold look, not liking the implication that it could be different in this universe. But then she remembered some of what Phil and Dipper had told her about the multiverse, and that Mabel had even been lost in another dimension once and met several hundred vastly different versions of herself.
Anything was possible and everything would happen in at least one of them. That included a universe where she was married with children and finally had the family she'd always wanted.
It also meant trillions where she wasn't.
And that - that made her feel a little cold inside. That she'd lost something. The idea that, try as she might, she couldn't get the happy ending she wished for so much. Even if she thought of what she wanted right now; friends, Dipper, her father's love, a normal family upbringing, it didn't give her much comfort to think there was one version of herself with all that if this one didn't.
Maybe that was shallow. Mabel might have been able to see it the opposite way, glad to hear that, as terrible as her life could get, there must be some version living life to the fullest. But she wasn't Mabel. She was more of a 'glass half-empty' kind of girl, prone to insecurities and jealousy. Much like Dipper.
Pacifica let out a long, slow breath as she finally saw what Wendy meant. Dipper wouldn't like the idea of knowing Wendy had feelings for a different version of himself. Any more than she would like it if Dipper were to develop a crush on a different version of her. Not after he'd turned her down, even if he had been gentle.
She frowned at Wendy, thinking hard as she tried to put herself in the older teen's man-sized shoes. How frustrating it must be for her to feel this way towards a different version of someone who meant a lot to her, someone who also cared very much about her but wished they could be more.
She tried to think of what Mabel would go through if she met a Gideon from the future, taller and older and more attractive - ugh, that is such a weird thing to think, why did I have to picture that? - and how hard it would be for her to deal with that, knowing the present Gideon's feelings and unable to return them.
That would be a pretty hard thing to deal with.
"You okay?" Wendy asked, suddenly. "You just made a groaning sound and your face went weird."
"Huh? Oh, sorry, I was just picturing a hot, older Gideon." Pacifica's eyes went wide as she realised what she'd just said, Wendy's eyebrows shooting up. "No! Not like that! I-I-I mean so I could pair him with Mabel! No! So I could see what you were going through with Dipper! Liking a different guy who likes you back! You know what I mean!"
"God, I hope so," Wendy said, shaking her head.
Pacifica threw her a look as her cheeks burned. "I was thinking of what it would be like if Mabel were going through the same thing with Gideon that you are with Dipper. That's it. I didn't look at it from your perspective. I can see why you're struggling and I've made it worse. I'm...sorry, Wendy. You don't deserve to have my crush cause trouble for your friendship."
Wendy cocked her head to the side, considering the younger teen. "Apology accepted," she decided after very little thought.
"What, just like that?"
"Melody accepted my apology, Tambry and I accepted each other's, why shouldn't I accept yours? We've all screwed up, we just need to learn to do better next time. But tell me something: what is it you see in Gideon? You seem to genuinely like each other, but on the surface I can't see you two having much in common."
Pacifica frowned, not sure how to answer. "Well, we both like our fashion and shopping. We share expensive tastes, it's nice to find someone who's read some of the classics that I have and he's...I don't know. There's just this odd connection? I know that sounds vague-"
"Nah, I get it now," Wendy said with a fond smile. "Some friendships are just like that, something you can't explain. Makes it special, you know?"
Pacifica blinked. "I suppose it does," she said, seeing two friendships in a new light and surprised to find that for some reason that made her less jealous of one and more confident in the other. Then she chuckled. "Heh, one good thing about hanging out with Gideon is that his crush on Mabel makes mine look almost tame by comparison!"
"He makes anyone's look tame," Wendy muttered. "I'm worried that might be here for a while, no matter what Mabel tells him."
"I'll talk to him, see if we can maybe help each other learn to get a handle on our feelings," Pacifica told her, knowing that would be a momentous task but committing to it.
"I just hope he gets over her before puberty comes knocking and he starts liking Mabel in a different way."
"Oh, my God!" Pacifica cried, recoiling in disgust. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you even say that?"
"Because some scumbag gave me a damn truth serum, that's why!" Wendy snarled. "I didn't want to say it, it just came out!"
"Alright, alright, geez," Pacifica said, looking away. "I'm sorry, I really, really regret it now." She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Now I've got the image of Gideon fantasising about Mabel burned into my eyes!"
"He'll probably think of you too, when it hits."
Wendy sucked her teeth as Pacifica stopped massaging her head to stare at her. "Yeah, didn't want to say that either," she confessed, recognising the look. "Not a nice day when you realise all of your male friends have probably had a fantasy about you."
There was a gagging sound as Pacifca convulsed, her hand flying to her mouth as her cheeks bulged.
"Don't remember my reaction being that bad, though," Wendy said, raising an eyebrow. "You doing alright, there?"
"Uch - I can taste the bile," Pacifica gasped, swallowing heavily. "Oh, nope, this is it, this is karma getting me back, I'll never do anything bad ever again."
"Yep, told myself that a few times too," Wendy sighed, patting her back. "Let it out, kid, it'll make you feel better."
Pacifica let out a groan and slapped her hand away. "Ugh, get away from me! Putting these nasty images in my head, God, there are some days I really hate you, you know?"
"Well, you're not the only one if you do," Wendy replied, sounding indifferent. "Not even close. But I don't hate you. In fact, I've actually grown to respect you."
"What?" Pacifica asked, so surprised she forgot her disgust. "Since when?
"I don't know. A little while ago, I guess? Remember when those women took over our bodies and had that sleepover? I told you I thought you hadn't really changed and that you'd end up hurting Dipper and Mabel again. Well, I was wrong. I was very wrong. You have changed. You've been a good friend to them and I'm sorry it took me so long to see that."
Pacifica stared at her, unable to believe it if it hadn't been for the truth serum. "But- but I basically tried to drug you! And all for some boy who you aren't interested in and probably never will be!" she added, as if hoping her words alone could make that last sentence true.
"Yep," Wendy replied, unphased and unwilling or able to deny the last part. "What, you think that's bad? Dipper once locked us in a cave with a murderous alien and Mabel almost gave Bill the Journal because of their crushes. Love can make smart people do crazy stuff, Pacifica. You're not a bad person, you're just...kinda dumb right now."
"I'm smarter than you!" Pacifica snapped, getting defensive.
Wendy shrugged. "Yeah, probably. So what? Ford's smarter than all of us and even he's pretty dumb when he lets his emotions get the best of him." She looked up at the sky and saw that the light was fading. "I'd better go. Don't want the others to wonder where I've gone and ask too many questions when I get back. So, once again, I'll see you tomorrow, Pacifica, so stay out of trouble."
Wendy rubbed the back of her neck as she walked away, surprisingly glad that she hadn't committed a violent act as originally intended. Maybe this was a sign that she was maturing, giving the kid a chance even after the trouble she'd caused her and her loved ones? Or maybe she was getting smart enough to realise it probably wasn't a good idea to assault a fourteen-year old while her cyborg bodyguard was a few feet away. Either way, she felt a little bit lighter and after the day she'd had, that was good enough for her.
"Wait!"
Wendy swore, that lightness forgotten as she turned around.
"Can you give me some advice? Some girl advice?" Pacifica asked, looking unsure of herself. "I know I make jokes about you but I have this thing that's been bugging me and I need to ask a more experienced girl about it but I really don't want to bring it up with my Mom."
"Oh." Wendy blinked, a little surprised but remembering how difficult puberty had been without a mother to advise her, especially since she developed earlier than Tambry, despite being younger. "Um, I'm not really a 'girl' girl but, sure, I'll do what I can."
"Okay, great, thank you. So, you mentioned fantasies but I'm not sure how to feel when I catch Dipper looking at me sometimes."
"Ah, that," Wendy said, nodding in understanding. "Look, Dipper's still a guy with urges at the end of the day, but that's normal and-"
"Oh, no, I get that. I just don't know if I should feel pride or jealousy."
"What?"
"I mean at first I was a little put off by the idea of him having these thoughts about me. But now I've realised that I shouldn't blame him for his hormones, especially not when I've had a few nasty thoughts myself about both Dippers and almost all of Sev'ral Timez - sometimes a couple of them together-"
"Uh," said Wendy, wishing she'd just kept walking.
"-So I was just curious about how I should be reacting to it?" Pacifica continued, oblivious to the other girl's discomfort. "See, on one hand I'm flattered because judging by what he said in the Shop today, it sounds like he's been giving me a lot of thought and that's making me feel pretty good about myself. Because he's admitted he prefers big bottomed girls like you to the busty types like me, so that means my attractiveness must be high enough for him to make an exception, right?"
"Um-"
"On the other hand, I can't help feeling annoyed that he still prefers you, and I've no doubt you're the most frequent character in his lustful fantasies. But I don't have many friends to discuss this with so I'm not sure if that's being petty or not. Especially since I like to think that in time I'll dethrone you from being front and centre in his filthier daydreams, even the ones where he's thinking of us both at the same time-"
"Nope, that's it!" Wendy declared, throwing her arms up in the air. "That's way too much for me, I'm done, talk to your shrink or Melody or someone else! Gah, that image is going to be stuck in my head all day!" she groaned, walking away again, sticking her fingers in her ears and humming as loudly as she could to make sure it was for the final time.
"Oh. O-okay, I guess that did get a bit personal," Pacifica admitted, feeling a little disappointed. "Um, thanks for not knocking my teeth out!" she called after her with a wave, receiving no response.
She stood there for a little longer, trying to sort out their...talk? Confrontation? She wasn't sure what to call it. Whatever it was, it felt as though something had finally been settled between them now that it was out in the open. They still weren't friends. But for probably the first time since just before the start of summer, Pacifica was willing to consider that they could be.
Some day.
Eventually.
But she pushed that thought to the side for now, taking a deep breath as she stepped back inside the diner and prepared herself for what could be an even more difficult conversation, waving and smiling at Susan and the other staff as she passed, buying a cake along the way.
"Hi, Gideon," she said settling in across from him, the boy looking up from his sandwich and Pitt Cola. "So. I just had a very interesting conversation with Wendy. Somehow she managed to figure it out and came to see me about it."
Gideon almost choked on his meal at that potentially life-threatening news until he noticed Pacifica's relatively calm demeanor. "Uh, you don't seem either alarmed or injured so I'm hoping I won't need to call in some of my prison pals to guard me for the next few years?"
Pacifica laughed. "No. Things went okay, actually. Might be best if we stay out of her way for the next few days, but she was pretty understanding. Even helpful. Look, I'm sorry for how I've been acting. You tried to stop me making all those mistakes today and I just kept going. You're a good friend, Gideon, and I really don't have many of those. And I know this sounds manipulative after saying that, but can I ask you for one last favour? Because I have to make one last apology today and I think I need some moral support."
"Of course, Pacifica," he answered, as if it weren't a big deal. "Because you're my friend too and I know you'd do the same for me."
She smiled at that. "Thanks, Gid. I owe you for this."
"Friends don't owe each other anything, Paz."
"Don't call me that."
"Don't call me Gid and you've got yourself a deal."
"Fair enough," she shrugged, taking the cake and bringing it to the last counter.
Phil sat with his tablet in hand as typed up his weekly report to the future, which was what he usually did in the diner when he wasn't writing a letter to his daughter. The two milks he'd ordered for them were still there, lukewarm now, Pacifica giving them a sad look as she and Gideon slid into the opposite bench, placing the slice of red velvet in front of him.
"I don't take bribes," he said, not looking up.
"It's not a bribe, it's a peace offering," Pacifica corrected him, trying not to sound hurt. "I want to apologise."
"For which part? Abusing my trust or comparing over fifteen years of marriage to your little crush?"
"I...both," she said, Gideon wincing beside her. "I know I was wrong, you really didn't deserve to hear me say that. That was childish and stupid. See, Wendy came over -"
"I know," Phil grunted, still not looking up. "You usually take your break inside, where I can keep an eye on you. Went to check on where you were, heard you and Corduroy talking and stayed around the corner in case she tried something."
"Oh," said Pacifica, wilting a little that her bodyguard's commitment to duty even when he was mad at her might have led him to overhearing some things she'd rather he didn't. "Uh, our conversation got a little personal towards the end, how much did you-"
"Too much."
Gideon glanced between the now silent pair. "I'm feeling mighty curious about this little chat but somehow also relieved that I missed it."
"Lucky bugger," Phil muttered as Pacifica blushed. "So, are you going to take Corduroy's advice and not tell them that you're responsible for their situation?"
Pacifica hesitated. "Well, Wendy does know them better than us, and she's got more experience in dealing with mistakes-"
Phil tapped at his device with a little more force. "Aye, take the advice of someone you hate over someone you claim to like because their answer is more convenient for you."
"That's not it!" Pacifica protested. "It's just - I know it sounds selfish but do you honestly believe Wendy would pick me over the Pines family? She doesn't give a damn about how I feel, she's only thinking of what's best for them!"
Phil grunted, still focusing only on his tablet.
Pacifica took a deep breath, guilt gnawing at her. Then she felt a pressure on her arm as Gideon gave her an encouraging pat and smile. It wasn't much, but it was enough for her to dig deep for some last ounce of humility and compassion to say what she could and hope it was enough.
"I'm sorry. To both of you," she said, looking between them. "You were right, Phil. I did abuse your trust in me. I used you and Gideon. You two have treated me better than I deserve and I didn't treat either of you half as well as you deserve. All to hurt someone for something that wasn't even their fault to see if it would make me feel better. And then things got worse and I let someone else take the fall."
Pacifica rubbed her arms, feeling a little chill. "I, uh...I think I would have made Dad proud today."
Phil finally looked up from his report, seeing the wetness at the corner of her eyes and how lost she looked, despite Gideon's comforting hand.
He let out a deep sigh and put the tablet down. "You are not your father," he told her as firmly as he could. "He should be proud of you for all the good you've done, not for today. Hell, he should be proud of you for just being his daughter."
Pacifica let out a snort. "Yeah, right. Why? What have I done except to cause trouble?"
"Well, you did save your friends that ghost."
"Yeah, the one my family made in the first place by breaking our promise and letting all those lumberjacks die."
"Exactly! Your family were scumbags who walked all over everybody! Hell, your own father would rather commit cannibalism than let townsfolk into the house (need to remember that if I'm ever stuck in a safe room with him), while you did the right thing and showed that there was at least one decent Northwest! And you stood up for your friends and let that even eviler Wendy clone have it when she threatened them."
"You also joined in when that Manotaur kidnapped Dipper," Gideon added, helpfully. "And you proved invaluable in finding the amulet for the magical gems. Heck, Frank wanted to send us on some quest that would have taken who knows how long! But you rescued us from that when you threatened to electrocute his privates instead."
"Pervert probably would have liked it, the way he gets off on butterflies touching him," Pacifica muttered darkly.
"What?" said Phil, hoping he'd misheard.
"He looked so happy," Gideon whispered, trembling slightly. "How can you make a smile feel so wrong?"
Phil stared at him. Then he looked at Pacifica, who also appeared to have been shaken by whatever it was they were talking about. "Should I be arresting someone? I feel like I should be arresting someone."
"Probably me for dragging someone as young as Gideon into something like that," Pacifica sighed, disturbing the former police officer further. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better, guys, but I just don't think I deserve it. As bad as I feel right now, that doesn't mean these feelings have gone away. How do I know next year that I won't still be as jealous and petty as I am now? We went almost a year apart and Gideon, me, and Dipper ended up being even more infatuated than before." She put her head in her hands. "Who knows what I'll do if I don't get over him this time?"
"Aye, that's a toughie," Phil agreed, knowing how hard it was to move on sometimes. "But you're all still young, you're meeting new people and you've talked to the person you like about your feelings. Trust me, that's a very big step in finding someone else, even if it takes longer than you thought."
"No offense, Mister Pink, but I can see where Pacifica's coming from," Gideon sighed, slumping down on his seat and not noticing the dirty look Phil gave him for existing. "As cliched and childish as it may seem to someone as old as you, I just can't see myself loving anyone else like this."
"Me neither," Pacifica gunted.
"Oh, that. No, you two are right about that."
"We - what?" Pacifica lifted her head as Gideon pulled himself up straighter. "But you just said it'll be easier for us to find someone else!"
"Aye, and I was right," Phil confirmed. "Listen, I've had plenty of girlfriends in my time, alright? I started dating when I was fourteen, and ever since spent fewer days single than I have otherwise. But I didn't meet the first girl I ever really loved until I was sixteen. Knew it wouldn't last forever - Da was only stationed on their planet for a few months - but we made sure to make the most of it. And, even when I was married to the love of my life and raising Mary...there were still a few times where I looked back on those days I spent on that wee planet, years and lightyears away."
Phil shook his head at the confused expressions of the two children in front of him, remembering with some amusement when he was innocent to the complexities of love. "Every person you'll love, you'll love for a different reason. The kind of women I find attractive now are very different from what I liked when I was sixteen. Maybe one relationship will end because of some trait you can't stand and then you'll find someone who does that exact same thing but you won't care when they do it. Nobody understands it, anyone who does is a liar and a fool."
"So, that means one day our crushes could learn to love us back?" Gideon asked hopefully.
"I mean love changes so don't be surprised if you start liking someone else," Phil snapped. "You are committed, I'll give you that, but don't think you're immune to it."
"Well, I know which outcome I'd prefer, but I guess one is as good as the other," Pacifica muttered. She gave Phil a critical look. "I suppose you're just hoping that means Dipper will end up with Candy, huh?"
"That would make me very happy," Phil easily admitted. "I think they're adorable and I'd rub it in the face of all those rival ships from the future who dismissed mine so easily."
Pacifica let out a grunt and folded her arms. She blinked as something occurred to her. "Wait. Rival ships? Does that mean there are some people from the future who want me and Dipper to be together?"
Phil looked at her from over the rim of his mug. "That ship has a majority, though I'm not sure of how much," he told her, not liking where this was going.
"What about me and Mabel?" Gideon asked as Pacifica gave a smug smile. "How many support us?"
"How should I know?" Phil snapped. "I don't ship either of you so why would I pay attention to that?"
"Phil, be nice to Gideon," Pacifica told him sternly as the admonished boy glared. "He's only eleven, he's trying to be good and - wait. How many people in the future ship Dipper and Wendy?"
"Thank you for coming to my defense and not getting distracted by your own insecurities," Gideon muttered, pouting.
"Too many," Phil said, seeing this coming. "They've got the highest number after you and Dipper."
Pacifica rolled her eyes and crossed her arms with disgust. "What kind of pathetic weirdo would ever want Dipper and Wendy to get together?"
"...My daughter."
"Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh, my God!" cried Pacifica, her own words replaying in her head as some of what Phil had told her about Mary Pink took on a whole new context. "Phil, I am so sorry! I didn't - I never thought - you hate Wendy so I -"
"Aye, I know," Phil sighed with enough misery to fill a bucket. "I keep telling her how doomed their relationship is but she doesn't care, she refuses to jump to a ship with a much more likely chance of actually happening. Like mine! But noooo! She refuses to listen to reason-"
"Not the word I'd use," said Gideon.
"-And would rather try and convince people that they're destined to be together! And she doesn't even believe in destiny!"
"Destiny? Wait, why would she think that? What does she know? Did they take some people's DNA or-?"
"No! We don't have your records, remember? Wouldn't put it past her, though, knowing how fixated she is on that pair. She's put more time and effort into their relationship than any of her own, that wee brat! No, she's just making a big deal about things of little to no consequence. Like when they held hands during the Zodiac."
"Damn, forgot about that," Pacifica hissed, hitting the table with her fist.
"I held hands with Mabel!" Gideon boasted, happily.
"Shut up, Gideon, it could have been in any order and wouldn't make any difference!"
"Then why are you getting so riled up about it?"
"Because I held hands with McGucket, that's why!" She turned back to Phil. "What else is there? Because I hugged Dipper once, bet she hasn't! Wait, has she? No, don't tell me. No, tell me but only if-"
"Not that I know of. But Candy did once."
"She - what?"
"Oh, sure, some people dismiss it, saying it was because of the that Trickster monster, but I know in my heart-"
"Shut up! That was just getting caught up in the moment, it doesn't count!"
"Then why should yours?"
Pacifica ground her teeth instead of answering. "Anyway, Candy's one thing but Wendy's a whole other! There's no way they can ever be together! She's too old for him!"
"Ouch," Gideon said, rubbing his hand over his heart.
"What? Oh, crap, I'm sorry, Gideon. Um, maybe in a few years the age difference won't - wait. That doesn't suit me either!"
"Oh, my girl wants Dipper and Wendy together right now, age difference be damned," Phil informed them, shaking his head gravely. "It's actually pretty worrying how much she dismisses it. Won't stop shutting up about how age is just a number, how great their chemistry is, their future ginger babies-"
"Babies!?"
"They do have good chemistry," Gideon said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.
"Shut up, Gleeful!"
"Yeah, shut the hell up, Gideon!"
"So much for telling him to be nice to me," Gideon muttered. He looked between them. "It sounds to me like these here shippers are the conspiracy theorists of our time. Y'all see the same stuff we do but you chose to focus on whatever suits your own narrative, interpreting it in the way that supports your ideas, and dismiss whatever contradicts it."
"I resent that comparison!"
"Oh, do you now?" Gideon asked, raising an eyebrow. "So you haven't spent plenty of time focusing on all of the little moments that imply Dipper and Candy have a good relationship but glossed over any similar moments between Dipper and, well, anyone else?"
"...Shut up, Gleeful."
"That's what I thought. And you, Pacifica. You've talked to Wendy. Did she tell you she was attracted to Dipper? Wait, she didn't - did she? Because my whole argument's riding on that and-"
"No! She didn't!"
"Well there you have it," said Gideon, calmly interlocking his fingers in front of him. "You have nothing to worry about and you're just letting your jealousy get the better of you again. But I also believe that you can overcome that. I have and I was far worse than you ever were. And are you really going to let yourself be second place to widdle ol' me?"
The edges of Pacifica's mouth twitched. "Bit annoyed that you glossed over that little moment of panic you had, but you make a good point so I'll let it slide." She took the glass of milk in her hands. "I...thank you guys. I really mean that. Not just for today but for everything. I don't know how I got along without friends like you two."
"To friendship!" Gideon declared, raising his own glass.
"I'm only friends with one of you, Gleeful, and it certainly isn't-"
"Stop ruining things and raise your damn cup, Phil."
"Yes, Ma'am," he sighed, doing as he was told.
"Ugh, it's warm," Pacifica complained, glaring at the milk after her sip.
"Aye, obviously, it's been here since you had your break," Phil pointed out. "Speaking of, that conversation with Corduroy lasted a wee while and then you came right over to talk to me, so shouldn't you be getting back to-"
Pacifica saw the clock on the wall and gave a yelp, sliding under the table to save time as she rushed into the kitchen, rapidly missing apologies to the other staff as she tried to make up for lost time.
"Daft wee thing," Phil muttered, draining the last of his tea as he looked out the window.
Gideon gave a small chuckle. "She may not always be thinking straight, but I have faith in her and firmly believe that one day she'll-"
"Shove off, you little bugger! What the hell are you still doing here? I'm not your friend."
Gideon gave the cyborg a scathing look as he slid out of the booth. "Very well, I shall leave. But I shall do so with these final parting words."
"Oh, great, because you couldn't just walk away like a normal person," Phil muttered.
"And these words are this," Gideon continued, ignoring him. "I, Gideon Gleeful...think you're too obsessed with your choice of romantic pairing." He leaned forward, his eyes narrowing. "I'll let that sink in for a moment."
Phil stared at him, not saying anything as the diner continued to move around them.
Gideon leaned back with a satisfied smirk. "That's what I thought. You take care now, Pacifica, I'll see you tomorrow!"
"Bye, Gideon, looking forward to it!"
Phil stared deeply into his empty mug as he heard the bell above the door ring, Gideon whistling merrily to himself as he left. "I really need to re-evaluate my shipping priorities," the Irishman said, not sounding the least bit happy.
After a few more minutes of deep thought, he paid for himself, told Pacifica what he was doing and fetched Duchess from the car. He took her round the back of the diner and took a seat on a tree stump - why were there so many of these things? Sure, it was a logging town, but still - and threw the ball for her as they waited.
"Sorry I took so long," Pacifica said as she stepped outside, patting at the large yellow dog who was licking her face. "I had to make up for the extra-long break I took."
"It's fine, Duchess enjoyed herself," he said as he put the ball in his pocket. "You do know our chat at the end doesn't change anything? You still did something wrong, I'm still taking you to school, and I'm still mad and keeping an eye on you until you tell the truth and I think I can trust you again. And no, I don't know when that will be."
Pacifica let out a resigned breath from her nose. "Yeah, I know. And I get it. I've gotten away with too much my whole life, I actually think it's nice to have someone call me out for how I treat people instead of whether my dress matches the party's theme. Annoying as it is."
"That's why we do it," Phil told her as he got to his feet. "To annoy you. And to teach you lessons about good and evil and all that crap, but mostly to annoy you."
"Hm." She hesitated as he tilted his head to the side, wondering why she wasn't moving. "Phil? I, uh, I don't know if this is asking too much after everything else you've done but can we stay a little longer? I...did some bad things to people I care about today and I'm not ready to go home yet."
Phil looked at her a little closer, seeing a shine to her eyes. He sat down on the steps and patted the spot beside him, putting an arm around her as she joined him and Duchess rested her head in her master's lap.
"Sure thing, sweetheart," he said, rubbing the dog's back as Pacifica sniffed and wiped at her eyes. "We can stay as long as you want."
Author's Note: One of my personal favourite Gravity Falls AUs is Reunion Falls. It's an AU where Dipper and Mabel were separated at birth, with Mabel being raised by their parents while Dipper was raised by Stan. It's a fun AU with plenty of potential and the original comics have several sweet and funny moments, but I don't know where or even if there is a proper list of them for people to check out.
If you're interested, I'd recommend the One Day Reunited by Theory of Weirdness. They're pretty new but it's the best Reunion Falls story I've read since the original comics.
Anyway, I bring this up because when I first started reading fanfics, I discarded stories that didn't feature the ship I wanted. Reunion Falls was what changed that: it had Candip and Mabecifica, two ships I never seriously considered, but those scenes were cute and funny enough for me to believe in them in the context of that universe.
Then I went back, checked out the stories I'd dismissed, realised I was being a snob for ignoring good work for such a petty reason, blah-di-blah-di-BLAH! Who cares? Why do I keep feeling the need to explain myself and why I write these characters the way I do?
Answer: I'm insecure. Duh, I'm a writer, it's almost mandatory.
Look, when I first started writing, there were several people who criticized me for teasing both Wendip and Dipcifica and not making it clear which it would end with. Even when I explained that it's there for character growth and comedy, and that real romance wouldn't feature for several years - that wasn't good enough for them.
And I'm done justifying myself. You want to criticise my work for being too long, too dark, having too many inappropriate jokes? Yeah, that's fair, those are all good points. But if you're only here because you want that person to end up with this person...then this series isn't for you.
Over these stories I've teased and joked about Dipcifica, Wendip, Mabeon, Candip, Gidifica, (what monster have I created?) and possibly others. It's hard to keep track. So let's do a test! It's one I created for myself when I started reading fics outside my ship.
Imagine that this will end with whatever you think is the worst of the above pairings (or worst two, for some people). And then ask yourself: is it worth it?
If not, thanks for sticking through it so far, but I don't want to waste any more of your time.
If it is, thanks! Shows I'm doing something right if you're willing to put up with the disgusting image of person 1 with person 2.
Imagine them. Together. Snogging! That's the risk you've taken. I've warned you. Now the fault lies with you when it happens!
I probably shouldn't tease my readers like this, but I'm tired and if I don't say this here I'm going to get a load of annoying complaints when I eventually end it with Dipper marrying Multibear. Or whoever.
This is my longest AN by far, dealing with stuff I've been saying for a while now, I hate how long and ranty it is, but I'm more annoyed that I feel that I still need to say it.
Though that might also be because I've worked very hard this month, including thirteen straight days, at least two twelve-hour shifts every week, and my first night out in months being flushed down the toilet because of lockdown. I hate flu season. Seriously, I am so tired. Any spelling mistakes, repetitions, plot holes, or sleep-deprived Author's Note rants, you can put down to that, that's what I'm going to do when I wake up tomorrow and wonder why I wrote all this.
Stay safe, do something to make yourself happy, and make the most of what you have and who you have. Might not always feel like it but there's good people out there and someone will always love you, no matter what you think you've done, even if they've never met you.
I go sleep now.
