WARNING: The rape will be mentioned in this chapter; nothing too graphic will be included. If this is hard or upsetting for anyone please don't read.
Author's Note: Hi, everyone! I hope you're all staying safe and healthy. Thank you so much for the continued support on this story! Lol, I know some of you all won't quite agree with this chapter, but just hang with me. I promise Brettsey is the endgame here!
Thanks for reading!
Song (On Wattpad): Hold On by Extreme Music
Chapter Nineteen: I'll Be Okay
Sylvie cried until she had black streaks of mascara down her face. She was so upset and felt so stupid. How could she let herself get that close to him? She felt like her heart had just been stomped on and broken into a million pieces.
She drove to her apartment in a haze. She felt like a zombie just coasting along.
The second she parked her car she sat and let more tears fall. She hated that she felt so good about herself and her recovery process and then this. It felt like a knife just continuing to slice through her.
She waited for a minute before she pulled herself together, grabbed her purse, and got out of the car.
As she made her way into the building she started to get really nervous. She could picture Owen walking beside her that night and walking her to her apartment. Annie told her that she may always feel anxious being where it happened. Sylvie prayed she could get over that part and not picture it every time she came home, but she didn't know if that would happen.
When she got to her apartment door she stopped and tried to cease her crying before she took her shaking hands and dug through her purse for her keys, which always seemed to sink to the bottom. She prayed and breathed hard before she slid the key in the door and slowly turned it to unlock.
"Sylvie!"
Sylvie jumped in fear as she heard her name being screamed out.
"Sylvie Brett, what are you doing here?" Yelled Emily as she threw her clothes hamper down and marched over to Sylvie.
Sylvie laughed and locked the door before she was pulled in for a tight, suffocating hug. "Oh, I missed you."
Emily laughed, "I missed you too, partner. Why didn't you tell me that you were coming home this week?"
Sylvie pulled back from Emily and tried to hide her mascara stained face, "I wanted it to be a surprise."
"Well, you sure accomplished that. Wait, have you been crying?"
Sylvie didn't say anything she just lifted her face up and burst into more tears.
"Sylvie, what happened? Was it Owen? Did he do something else? I'll kill him."
Sylvie shook her head and dropped her purse on the floor before she had Emily follow her over to the couch where they both collapsed and huddled together, "No, it was Matt."
Emily's eyes widened, "Matt Casey? I'll kill him too. Wait, what did he do?"
"Well, I came back early to surprise him and when I went to the loft Gabby opened the door."
Emily gasped and went into full dramatics, "Gabby? What was she doing there?"
"I don't know. She said she got into town yesterday." Whispered Sylvie before she took her sleeve and wiped away some of the tears that were still falling.
"Yeah, she came by the house at the beginning of shift. I thought Casey would have told you though because she asked about you a lot."
Sylvie shook her head, "No, he didn't; I found out when she opened the door standing there just wrapped in a towel."
Emily gaped, "No, girl! That witch!"
"Yeah,"
"You know, now that you say this it kinda makes sense because Gabby was all over Casey yesterday."
"Emily, you're not helping!"
Emily laughed and grabbed her friend's hand, "I'm sorry. You're right."
"Thanks," Smiled Sylvie before she threw her head back on the couch with a huge sigh.
"Well, what did Casey when he saw you?"
"He tried to stop me from leaving but I just couldn't look at him, ya know? I mean he was standing there fresh from the shower in just a pair of sweatpants."
"Girl, I'm surprised you didn't burn the place down."
Sylvie giggled and shook her head, "Oh trust me, I wanted to."
"Hey, how about we crush a bottle of wine and spend the rest of the night on the couch like we used to before you left?"
Sylvie looked up and smiled at her friend, "I would love to. I really missed you, Em."
Emily smiled and pulled her friend in for one more quick hug before she got off of the couch, "Trust me, I missed you too. I can not wait to tell you about the trainee I traumatized on his first day."
Sylvie laughed and watched as Emily got up off the couch and went in search of a bottle of wine. They both spent the next couple hours after that just catching up and telling stories of the past two months.
"I can't believe you took a kickboxing class. Wait until I tell Stella that."
Sylvie nodded and continued to sip her wine, "Yeah, that class was a lot of fun. It was pretty hardcore too, but I kicked butt."
"You seem a lot better now, B."
Sylvie set her glass down and gave a little shoulder shrug, "I honestly feel a lot better now. I think going away was one of the best things I could have done for my recovery, ya know?"
"I do. I'm so proud of you. Wait until everyone at the house sees you, they have been asking me and Casey all about you?"
Sylvie cringed as she heard his name. "Can we not say that name for the rest of the night, please?"
Emily nodded, "Yeah, sorry. Can I ask one more question about it, though?"
Sylvie sighed and gave her friend a playful mean look, "Okay, shoot."
"What happened when he came up there for the wedding? Neither of you said anything, and I and the house believe that something big happened just by the way Casey has been acting ever since he came back."
"We kissed."
"Really? Exclaimed Emily. "How was it? Was it good?"
Sylvie laughed, "Yeah, it was...magical. One of the best kisses that I've ever really had."
"Girl, you can't let Grabby steal your man. You gotta fight for him."
Sylvie looked at her friend and knew that she was right, "You're right. I just need time."
Emily nodded and decided to drop the subject.
"Em?"
Emily looked over and raised her eyebrows. "Yeah?"
"I need to tell you something?"
Emily set her wine glass and turned to give Sylver her full attention, "Oh, god. What happened now?"
Sylvie waited for a few ticking seconds before she answered, "I'm moving out."
"What?" Screamed Emily for the tenth time that night, "You can't move out. Why? Why are you leaving me?"
"It's just too hard to be here, Em. I mean when I walked into the building tonight all I could think of was Owen and that night that he raped me right here on the living room floor."
Emily gave her friend a small smile and grabbed her hand, "I get it."
"You do?" Asked a teary Sylvie.
"Yeah, girl. I only want what is best for you."
Sylvie wiped a quick tear off of her cheek and smiled at her friend, "Thank you,"
"Anytime, but can I ask where you think you're going to move to?"
"Umm, I actually called Herrmann last week while I was still in Fowlerton, and he said that if I wanted the little studio apartment that Stella used to live in I could have it."
"Wow, you're really leaving me?"
Sylvie nodded, "I promise that we will still get to see each other out of work and continue on with our crazy Netflix Binge days."
"We better! I'm still waiting to finish Orange is The New Black with you."
Both girls laughed and continued to sip their wine.
"Wait, Sylvie, I need to tell you something since you told me that you're moving out and we're being all honest with each other."
Sylvie giggled and took a big gulp of her wine, "Okay, what's up?"
"Well, you know right after the rape when you made me and Casey both promise that we wouldn't do anything?"
Sylvie narrowed her eyes at Emily and urged her to continue.
"Casey kinda told Halstead and had him looking for Owen."
"What?!" Screeched Sylvie as she jumped off of the couch. "Why did you all do that? I didn't want any of you getting involved."
"I'm sorry, okay? Casey and I were just so angry after it happened we weren't thinking. But, don't worry, Halstead couldn't help us because we didn't know the information on Owen that we know now."
Sylvie sat in silence for a few minutes and let the information that Emily had just told her sink in.
"B, are you mad?" Asked Emily hesitantly as she peered at Emily like a little girl would a monster.
Sylvie slowly shook her head and turned to look at Emily, "No, I'm not mad, but can you at least tell me next time. I mean, I get why you all did it. I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing for one of my friends."
Emily threw her head back and let out an exaggerated sigh, "Wheew. That's a relief. I was actually afraid that you were going to bite my head off."
"I wouldn't do that, Em. I just...when Matt was last in Fowlerton, I told him all of the new info on Owen and he was angry at me for not telling him stuff...I just don't get why he never told me that."
Emily looked like a deer in headlights, "Ummm...Sylvie...I really didn't mean to get him in more trouble, I just wanted you to know that, so if it ever came out you wouldn't think that we were going behind your back or anything."
"No, I get it. Thank you for telling me."
Emily tilted her head and her wine glass into her mouth, "Anytime, partner."
"I really missed you," Smiled Sylvie.
"I really missed you too, now tell me about any hotties in Fowlerton. You never know, we may need to make an emergency girls' trip."
Sylvie laughed and began telling Emily about as much of the past two months that she could. They both laughed, giggled, and cried from how much they had laughed.
Sylvie really needed her friend right now and she was so lucky to have her.
They had just ripped into their stash of midnight snacks when they heard someone practically beating down their door with their fists.
Sylvie jumped when she heard it. She wanted to crawl under the table and hide when it continued.
"Let me see who that is!" Yelled Emily as she slammed her bag of Oreos down and began to march her way to the door.
"No! Stop!"
Emily froze in her place and turned to look at the shaking Sylvie who was trying her hardest to control her nerves. "I'll...get it."
"Sylvie, you don't have to. I'll just slide the door open a little and see who it is."
Sylvie shook her head and took a few cautious steps towards Emily, "No, please. Annie said that I couldn't let things like this control me."
Emily waited then eventually nodded her head and let her friend take the lead. She decided to eye her bat and stay back in the corner of the room just encase she needed to make a surprise entrance.
Sylvie slowly walked to the door as if she was in waist-deep mud. Her nerves were fighting a battle with her brain. She had to do this. She had to stay strong.
Right before she touched the nob she cursed the door for not having a peephole. That was something she was definitely going to have to demand of Herrmann.
The banging continued, but the second she put her hand on the lock she heard a voice. Not just any voice, his voice.
"Sylvie, please let me in! I need to talk to you. Nothing happened between me and Gabby."
Sylvie caught her breath and slammed her hand over her wildly beating heart.
"Please! You have to understand that nothing happened."
Sylvie shook her head and prayed that her voice would come out as strong as it sounded in her head, "Matt...I don't want to talk right now. Please just go."
Matt put his forehead on his side of the door and cursed. How could he have been so stupid?
"Sylvie, please just open the door. I just want to see you and make sure that you're okay."
Tears slid down Sylvie's face as she continued her battle on the other side of the door, "Matt, just go. I can't...I can't do this right now."
Matt felt his heart stop as he listened to her through the door. She sounded so heartbroken and hurt. He hated himself for that.
"Okay, Sylvie, I leave. But..I'll be back tomorrow, okay? I'm so sorry about this."
Sylvie sobbed into her hand as she listened to him leave. The tears were so strong, they were shaking her whole body.
Emily went over to her friend and scooped her up in her arms the second she heard Matt leave. They both made their way over to the couch and Sylvie cried the rest of the night away.
When she woke up the next morning it was five-thirty on the dot. She tried to hide herself in the covers and go back to sleep, but she couldn't. She hated waking up early, but that was a habit she started in Fowlerton so that she could get up early and help her parents out with whatever needed to be done around the farm before she went on with her day.
Surprisingly, the times that she did sleep, she slept well. It felt good to be back in Chicago and in her bed.
And, she only had one dream last night and shockingly, it wasn't about the rape. It was about Matt. Walking in on him and Gabby played over and over again in her mind.
As she laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling she felt sad and upset with herself. She knew that Matt was Gabby's. How could she have allowed herself to get so close to him when he was the ex-husband of her best friend? She should have set boundaries with him. It was her fault that she was so heartbroken right now.
Sylvie rolled over in her bed and grabbed her phone from the charger she had it plugged into all night. She held it up in the air before she carefully pushed the power button and waited for it to come to life.
A couple of seconds passed before her phone started singing the non-stop song of ignored texts and calls.
Sylvie, I'm so sorry. Please come back. xMatt
Nothing happened between Gabby and I. xMatt
Please answer your phone. I just want to make sure that you're okay. xMatt
Sylvie, I'm sorry. xMatt
Gabby's gone. Please come back so that we can talk. xMatt
Sylvie, please. xMatt
Nothing happened. I promise. I wouldn't do that to you. Please believe me. xMatt
Sylvie? xMatt
Where are you? I will come to you? xMatt
Please answer my calls. xMatt
I'm sorry. xMatt
I'm worried about you. xMatt
Please be careful. I'll come over to your apartment and try to talk to you soon. I'm sorry. xMatt
Sylvie threw her phone to the side of the bed and decided to get up. She couldn't lay there and think about it anymore.
She dug around in her room and finally found some old workout clothes. She knew it was still dark out, but she would be fine.
She grabbed her phone, keys, purse, and headed out. She didn't want to wake Emily, so she grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled where she was going on it before she put it on the fridge with a magnet.
She knew Emily was worried about her going out by herself, so it was best to sneak out while she could.
The second she got into her car she locked all of her doors and just sat there taking in the dark Chicago views.
She didn't realize until she was back how much she really missed Chicago. The people, the views, all of it. The tall buildings sang to her as she pulled on to the dark roads and drove to her new gym.
She couldn't help but feel proud of herself for coming back to Chicago. It was her home, but right now, it was also one of the scariest places in the world. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to enjoy the city like she did when she first moved.
As she drove to her new gym she felt a myriad of emotions. Every street, restaurant, and shop held memories for her. She cringed as she drove past the bar where she and Owen had drinks. Annie told her that it was normal for victims to feel angst or terror when being reminded of their assailant and anything that had to do with them, but Sylvie didn't want that. She wanted it gone, done, and over with. But, that was a lot easier than it sounded.
When she got to the gym it was still dark outside and the sun had yet to make an appearance. She glanced outside her car and carefully made sure that no one was outside or around before she grabbed her bag and made a run for it.
The new gym she signed up at was a women's only gym and it was owned and operated by a lovely team of strong, powerful women. Sylvie found it online while she was still in Fowlerton.
She wanted to find somewhere that was new and safe after she heard that Owen had been watching her for weeks from seeing her at the gym. Plus, the new gym offered all kinds of self-defense and workout classes that Sylvie loved.
She ended up working out for about three hours. By the time she was done sweat was rolling off of her and the sun was up, bright and greeting any and everyone it could.
After she showered she grabbed her phone and sat on one of the locker room benches so that she could respond to a few text messages from her mom, Foster, Kidd, and of course, Matt, who she also ignored.
She hated to keep ignoring him, but she just didn't know what to say. It was all too fresh. She couldn't handle that right now along with being back in Chicago.
Once she left the gym she decided to run to her and Emily's favorite smoothie place for a quick pick me up and a surprise for Emily.
She called Boden on her way back to her apartment and told him that she was back in the city and ready to be back at work. He was ecstatic to hear that she was well and told her Fifty-One would be more than ready for her on their next shift.
She also decided on her way back that she wanted to be packed up and moved out of the apartment this weekend before she went back to work. She knew it was a push considering she just got back and Emily wasn't ready for her to go, but Herrmann said the place was ready and waiting for her. And, she was ready to go; being back in the apartment where it happened really messed with her mind. Everywhere she went in the apartment she felt like she could feel him or smell him.
Sylvie braced herself as she pulled into the apartment parking lot and saw Matt's truck. She knew she would have to see him, she just didn't want to. She wasn't sure what to do or say.
She said a quick prayer before she grabbed her bags, smoothies, and made her way into the apartment.
She thought she was good until she stopped in the middle of the hallway and cursed out loud as she came up to the apartment door and saw Matt standing there waiting for her with a worried look eating his face.
"Sylvie…"
Sylvie shook her head and pulled her keys out of her pocket so that she could unlock the door, "Matt, I still don't want to talk. I just...I need time, okay?"
Matt walked up closer to her and tried to grab her arm, but she swiftly jerked it away. "Sylvie, you have to listen to me. Nothing happened between us. Just please let me explain why she was there."
Sylvie held her bags and drinks and tried to ignore him, but it was hard. All she really wanted to do was hug him and give him another kiss. "Matt, please. Just give me some time. I'm sorry I roped you into all of this. I should have known that you were Gabby's."
Matt stomped his foot down and begged her to listen, "Sylvie, please. There is nothing between Gabby and I. Okay? I'm sorry. I know that I should have told you that she was here, but I didn't and I don't know why."
Sylvie didn't say anything. She just stood there and felt one of the smoothies she was carrying drip down on her cold, shaking hands. "Matt…"
"No, Sylvie! You have to believe me. There is nothing between the two of us. I'm done with Gabby."
Sylvie opened her apartment door and stood there for a second before she said anything else, "Clearly she's not done with you, Matt."
Matt was about to say something else, but before he could get the words out Sylvie scurried into her apartment and shut the door.
Matt stood there frozen and paralyzed with want and sorry. He hated seeing her so heartbroken and mad. He didn't know what to do.
And, Sylvie felt the same way. Once she closed the door she turned and just stared at it like she was afraid it would come alive. She hated being put in this situation. Should have never gotten close with Matt in the first place. How could she have been so stupid? It was her fault for feeling this way.
"Hey, are those for us?" Asked Emily as she walked up to Sylvie and interrupted her from her torturous thinking.
"Umm...yeah. Here you go." Whispered Sylvie as she handed Emily her smoothie.
"Are you upset about Casey?"
Sylvie set down her bags and looked at Emily, "Yeah. I mean, I hate to keep doing this, but I just don't know what to do, Em."
Emily nodded and took a big gulp of her smoothie, "Well, I don't know if this helps or not, but he's been waiting out there for about two and a half hours now. I offered to let him come in when he got here, but he said he wanted to wait and catch you right as you came in."
Sylvie sighed and plopped down on the couch in a big puddle, "Ughh, that doesn't help at all."
Emily laughed and went to sit down next to her friend. They both chatted with each other for a little while then began packing Sylvie up for her big move.
Luckily, she still had a lot packed up from her trip to Fowlerton so there wasn't too much to move.
And, she hated to leave Emily, especially, right after Joe just moved out, but Emily assured her that she had a couple of friends who needed a place and had already asked about becoming roommates.
Sylvie knew this was a good change no matter how much her heart tried to fight her on it.
She spent the rest of the day in a weird mood; she was glad to be moving on, then she felt heartbroken and sad all at the same time. Every time she heard something outside, she got excited for a minute and she thought it was Matt, but it wasn't. He left after she came home from the gym and he hasn't been back. Sylvie wasn't sure how to feel. She told him to go, but she didn't want him to leave.
She never wanted him to leave.
"Hey, where are you going to put all of your baking pans?"
Sylvie looked up from her Christmas decoration box and pointed over to a big empty box sitting on the kitchen table. "Over there, please. I know I'll probably need a couple more boxes just for all of my baking utensils."
"That's another thing I'm really gonna miss about you living here, all of the fresh baked cookies, muffins, and cupcakes."
Sylvie giggled and shook her head, "I promise you will still get to be a taste tester for all of my baked goodies."
Emily put her fist in the air for victory, "Yes, now that's what I'm talking about."
Both girls laughed and went back to their packing before they were interrupted by a loud banging and yelling.
"Sylvie Brett, you better open this door right now!"
Sylvie set her box down and quickly walked to the door with the biggest smile on her face.
"Hey!"
"Hey? That's all I get? I haven't seen you in about two months and all I get is a 'hey'?"
Sylvie laughed and pulled Stella in for a big hug, "Oh, I missed you!"
"We missed you too, you crazy girl!" Smiled Stella.
"Wait, what are you doing here? Last time I talked to you, you said that you and Severide were going to his cabin for the weekend."
Stella shrugged with a smile on her face and closed the apartment door, "Well, once I heard that you were back in town I convinced him to wrap up our weekend activities a little early so that we could come back a day early."
"Hey, you all didn't have to come back early for me?"
Stella nodded and took her jacket off, "Oh, yes, we did! I couldn't stand to hear him talk about his new favorite candidate on Squad anymore. Wait! Why are there moving boxes!? Sylvie Brett, you better not be leaving us for good!"
Sylve shook her head and quickly wanted to stop her friend from freaking out, "I'm not leaving again, I promise. How about we fill you in on everything over some wine and a much-needed girls' night?"
Stella gave Sylvie and Emily a skeptical and hesitant look before she agreed.
The three of them spent the rest of the night catching up, filling in, and laughing with a side of some casual packing.
When they woke up the next morning all three of them were slightly hungover and wore out. They all spent most of the morning in bed before they hopped up and started completing Sylvie's move.
It all felt so surreal. When she was engaged to Kyle it never felt like this. It never felt like she was putting a period at the end; it always felt like she was going to return to this exact apartment and live her days out there. But now it didn't feel like that. Now she knew she was done with this place.
"Hey B, it looks like we got everything. Herrmann just called Stella and told her that he and Lee Henry just dropped off all of your furniture they picked up from us this morning. Is there anything else?"
"Umm...yeah. There's one more box in my room, but I'll get it."
Emily nodded and saw the emotion in her friend's eyes, "Okay, you grab that then meet us downstairs. Take your time."
"Thank you," Whispered Sylvie as she watched her friend leave.
She looked around the apartment and couldn't help but think about all of the good times she's had with Otis, Joe, and Emily. She would never forget the day Otis and Joe had moved all of her furniture into the apartment. She laughed for hours.
Gosh, she missed those days when it was all so easy.
Her eyes moved around the apartment and stopped on the spot that the rape happened. She felt shivers run down her spine as she remembered waking up on that cold wood floor in pain.
Those were memories associated with the apartment that she prayed she would forget. But, she knew she never would; they would always be with her like a mother and her child.
Sylvie shook out of her horrid memories and went to grab the box from her room.
When she picked it up and turned around she dropped it on the floor and screamed.
"Matt, what did you do that for? You scared the life out of me?"
Matt stood there looking like he had been through hell. He had bags under his eyes and you tell that he was in no mood to be messed with. "Where are you going? Are you leaving?"
"Matt…"
"No, Sylvie. Are you leaving? Are you going back to Fowlerton?"
Sylvie shook her head and picked her box up off of the floor, "No, I'm not going back to Fowlerton. I'm moving into Herrmann's little studio apartment."
Matt let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and walked closer to Sylvie. He was thankful this time that she didn't move away from him, "Sylvie, you have to listen to me. I didn't know Gabby was coming over. I tried to get her to leave but she wouldn't go."
Sylvie watched him speak and didn't say a word. She was shaking with worry and nervousness.
"She tried to cook and it ended up in a mess. Okay? Nothing happened. I had her leave right after you did."
"Matt, I believe you. I just need time. I saw the look in her eyes, I can't do that to her."
Matt felt his world slipping away as he listened to her, "Sylvie.."
"No, Matt. Maybe this is a sign. Maybe this means we weren't supposed to be together or do anything, you know? I need you to know though, that I appreciate everything you've done for me since the rape, but I just need time. Okay?"
Matt didn't know what to do. He was a grown man and he actually wanted to stomp his foot and cry. "Okay,"
Sylvie nodded, "Thank you."
Sylvie cast the apartment and Matt one last longing look before she walked, stopped in the hallway, and bawled her eyes out.
She hoped that this was one change her heart would learn to deal with.
Lol, do you hate me? Just hang with me; I promise it will get better for the two of them. Thanks to all who comment/review! What did you think!?
*FYI - There may be a slight delay in the next chapter; I have a lot I need to get planned out and written for this story.
Again, sorry for any typos, misspellings, or anything like that. I write late at night without my glasses on, lol.
Thanks again for reading and the support!
Stay safe and healthy!
