"Alright, now I have this cake. It's a very good cake, I enjoy this cake. But you don't have a cake. I, however, also like you and so I decided I'll cut it in two - like so - and give you half. There. Understand?"
"Yes," Pacifica confirmed with a nod. "You gave me some cake and now I owe you half a cake."
Gideon closed his eyes, trying to stay patient. "No. You do not owe me half a cake."
"What, do I owe you more? Because I need to know how high the interest rate is before I -"
"No! I'm not a bank! You don't owe me anything, I want you to have it!"
Pacifica looked at the cake in her hands. She looked at the slice in Gideon's. Then she looked again at her own. "Run it by me again?"
Gideon groaned. "Okay. Let's try it this way. Imagine we were donating something to charity-"
Pacifica let out a snort and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, don't even get me started on her! She'd better hope we never meet!"
"What?"
"Think about it, Gideon! Everywhere I go, people keep asking if I want to give her money, but the people she asks to get it for her can't even get their story straight about why she needs it! She might have the rest of the town fooled but there's no way I'm falling for her scam!"
Gideon stared at her, crossing her arms in defiance and looking very proud of herself. He dropped his head in his hands. "Oh, heavens to Betsy, what have I gotten myself into?" He glanced at his watch and felt his heart drop at how long it had taken him to teach almost nothing. "Let's go, we'll have to pick this up later."
"There you are, what took you so long?" Phil snapped as he saw them rush to the front of the church.
"It's a difficult thing to grasp, alright?" Pacifica snapped back, passing him the paper plate with the cake slice. "Here, you want to have an attitude about it, you can be the one who owes him cake."
Phil frowned at the plate. "I see the training's going well," he said dryly.
"You have no idea," Gideon sighed, shaking his head sadly.
Pacifica growled, adjusting the camera the way Dipper had taught her and taking a few practice shots as the guests started approaching.
They created a rhythm, Phil checking their names against the list, discreetly scanning each of them with the settings of his cybernetic eye to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary. Well, nothing too out of the ordinary. This was Gravity Falls after all. Then, Pacifica would snap a picture or two as they stood at the prepared background, and Gideon would finally hand out a leaflet and direct them to either the groom or bride's side.
"Let's see...Corduroy, Corduroy, Corduroy, Corduroy. Okay, all on this list. Doing pretty good so far," Phil told them as morning progressed. "Nothing too unusual, and everyone's been civil so I don't - oh. It's you lot," he growled as Wendy's friends followed her family. "Thompson, you're the only decent one, you go ahead. I'll deal with the others," he growled, narrowing his eyes at the pair in front.
"Mister Pink," Lee and Nate anxiously said together, dressed in suits and looking surprisingly smart.
"Scumbags who vandalised my dump-home," Phil gunted back.
The two friends shared a look. "Uh, listen, we just wanted to apologise for that," Lee said, his long hair tied back.
"Yeah, we're majorly sorry, dude," Nate agreed with a rigorous nod, the lack of baseball cap showing how much effort he'd put into his hair. "It was a dumb thing to do and we'll never do anything like it again."
Phil folded his arms. "What, you think a sorry will make it all better? Do you think McGuckett's forgiven you for doing the same to him when he was at his worst?"
"Howdy, fellas!" Fiddleford cried, bouncing up the steps in a brown suit, his son Tate right behind him in a dark one, a pitch-black baseball hat pulled so low it shaded his eyes. "Cheer up you little hooligans!" he grinned, slapping the teenagers happily on the back. "It's too fine a day to look so glum! No frowns allowed at a wedding!" he added, whistling merrily as he passed.
The cyborg frowned after the former madman as he posed for his picture. He turned back to the teenagers who were watching him with hopeful expressions.
"Aye, well, he's a nice guy and I'm not," he grunted. "Now get in there, stay out of my way, and behave yourselves or I'll have the great satisfaction of throwing you out face-first to see if it knocks some sense into you eejits."
The boys nodded gratefully, moving quickly past him. "That went way better than expected," Nate muttered as Pacifica raised her camera.
"What worries me is I'm the one who hit him with the van and he still likes me more!" Thompson pointed out.
"And we've gone from bad to worse," Phil growled, giving Tambry and Robbie a baleful eye. "Either of you try any of your cliche moody teenage crap to bring this wedding down and I will throw you out."
"Geez, dude, we're not going to do anything like that!" Robbie protested. "This is a wedding, do you really think we're that bad?"
"Yes. But I'm just the bouncer so I check the list, not make it. Speaking of..." He looked at the clipboard, tapping it with his pen. "And unfortunately you're on it. Valentino and Valentino's girlfriend."
"It's Tambry!"
"Not worth my time remembering. Now move along so I can deal with people who matter."
"Oh, you think you're so much better than us?" Tambry snapped. "Well we don't care what you think! We're happy and we're together while you're just a - a really cool guy who's trying his best and has really nice hair!"
"What?" said Phil, not seeing the blonde at his elbow dragging a finger across her throat.
"Wasn't that nice of her to compliment you like that!" Gideon said brightly, stepping forward before it escalated. "I think it's only fair that in return we keep the insults to a minimum since this is a wedding and we don't want to start any trouble now, do we?"
Phil grunted, about as close as he was willing to come to admit he agreed with Gideon Gleeful, but nothing else was said, though the couple's smiles were a little strained as Pacifica took their photo, made worse when she made 'I'm watching you' gestures with her fingers before they went inside.
"Why do I keep making friends with violent people?" Gideon sighed, hoping the rest of the day wouldn't feel as long as the morning.
"I hate this," Dipper stated, fiddling with his bow tie.
"Here, let me," Stan said, kneeling down and adjusting it with an expert hand. "There we go. Lookin' pretty good, kid!"
"I still hate it," Dipper responded, checking his reflection and patting at his forehead to make sure the makeup was hiding his birthmark.
Stan slapped his hand away. "Would you leave it alone? If you don't want it showing, quit messing with the stuff that covers it. For a smart kid, sometimes you don't think things through."
"Family trait," Wendy called from behind the dressing screen in the corner, making Stan smirk.
"Not sure about the hair either," Dipper added, prodding it as if it were some strange creature's nest and hesitant to disturb it. "Think Phil had it cut too short."
Stan rolled his eyes. "You're just not used to it looking decent for once. If you actually put some effort in and let it last longer than your next shower then you'd start to see the value."
"Yeah, you're lookin' really great, dawg," agreed Reggie. He elbowed Soos. "Ain't that right, dude?"
"Buh," Soos managed, staring straight ahead and rigid as a statue.
"You, uh, you okay, Soos?" Stan asked, sharing a look with Dipper.
"He'll be fine, dude," Reggie said with a laugh. "He's just nervous. I was totally the same at my wedding. Like, dry mouth, sweating like crazy, couldn't speak. Worst was the little voices inside my head screaming 'you ain't good enough! She'll leave you! You're gonna mess this up!' All sorts of awful stuff. Got so bad I started to have heart palpitations. Are you getting any of that?"
"He is now," Stan grunted as Soos stared at his cousin with wide eyes, beads of sweat running down his brow, struggling to swallow as he massaged his chest.
"I'll get a glass of water," Dipper sighed, shaking his head.
"Alright, I'm coming out," Wendy announced. "You guys decent?"
"All set."
"Great," Wendy said, pulling on her suit jacket and stepping up to the mirror to check her bow tie. "Feels alright. How do I look?"
"You look beautiful," Dipper answered without turning.
"Woah!" Reggie grinned, elbowing Soos to no reaction as Dipper winced. "Check this guy out! Smooth operator or what?"
Dipper, his face burning, said nothing as he passed Soos the glass, avoiding eye contact with anyone until he felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Thanks, man," Wendy told him. "I appreciate it."
"Definitely worse things you could have said," Stan confirmed, earning a harder tap on his shoulder. "Ow! I didn't mean it like that!" He rolled his eyes at the men. "Women! Am I right?"
"Buh," said Soos.
"Should we...do something about that?" Wendy asked haltingly, scratching her head.
"Wanted to give him a shot of whisky to calm his nerves but he's never drank so didn't want to risk it," Stan said as Dipper patted the groom on his arm. "Last thing we need is him vomiting over Melody and then the whole congregation blaming me for it."
"Maybe we could ask Ford if he has anything?"
"Wouldn't put it past my brother to bring a case of sedatives to a wedding," Stan said, stroking his chin thoughtfully, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door.
"Too late now," Reggie said cheerfully, putting a hand under his cousin's armpit. "Come on, cuz, up you come."
It took a little effort, but with Stan and Wendy helping, and Dipper holding the door, they managed to get Soos to his feet and steer him towards the ceremony.
Dipper hesitated as they passed. But there was only a small window of opportunity left and he'd rather have the answer here and now than face it surrounded by people he did and didn't know. "Hey, uh, Wendy?"
She paused outside the door, puzzled by the anxiety in his voice, made worse by the pubescent crack.
"I, um, I was wondering if you might want to dance with me? Not that I want you to feel pressured!" he quickly added, seeing her start to frown. "It's just - I know things have been a little awkward between us since the whole Wendy Two thing when she - the way she said goodbye." He coughed into his fist and looked away as her frown deepened a little, cursing himself for bringing it up.
"I just thought, this is a special day, I know we're just friends and I still want to move on, but it's - I know I'll be kicking myself for a long time if I didn't ask. But I didn't want to do it in front of other people in case you said no, and now I feel like I'm putting you on the spot when I really didn't mean to and now I kinda want to crawl under a rock-"
"I'd love to."
Dipper ceased his ramblings, staring up at her. "You - you would?"
She laughed and punched him on the arm. "Yeah, dude! Looking forward to it. But can you do me a solid? Ask Pacifica too. She's really into you and you know how important it is to have a moment with someone you like."
"Oh. Um, okay, yeah," he said, her request surprising him even more than her answer but sounding more appealing as he thought about it. "I think I'd like that."
"Good to hear," she said, smiling. "Now let's move - Soos looks like he'll have a heart attack if this takes too long."
Dipper nodded, walking speedily after her with a lighter heart and surprised that the day was turning out even better than expected.
It took some difficulty moving Soos to his position - loud noises or sudden flashes of light startled him - but they eventually got him to where he was meant to be, even if Stan worked up quite the sweat doing it.
It only got worse as the music played and the groomsmen and bridesmaids walked down the aisle. Reggie came first, arm-in arm with Melody's older sister. Dipper and Mabel were behind them looking as dignified and energetic as they had during rehearsal, respectively. Third, came Wendy with Melody's young cousin, who was trying not to look disappointed that the tall, attractive redhead beside her looked more and more like a girl the closer she looked.
Finally, Melody came into view and Stan had to put a steadying hand on Soos' back when he gave a dangerous wobble. But he managed to keep standing as she approached and, after a sharp poke from Stan, even slid his hands in hers when she offered them, though his sweat made it a slipperyhold.
The priest gave a brief yet poignant description of the couple, in which he reflected their chance encounter and immediate attraction over shared enthusiasm for 'youthful endeavours' as he put it (he didn't mention being attacked by a murderously jealous computer program at a children's restaurant), and how even when Melody briefly moved back to Portland, they only became closer despite their physical distance.
As it continued, there were some small laughs and tears, Ford handing Abuelita a handkerchief and glancing around to see that see the happy emotions on everyone's face; Melody's mother also wiping her eyes while her father beamed, Pacifica Northwest in the corner and snapping picture after picture of the ceremony and occasionally the crowd. The only two people who didn't seem entirely happy were the groom, who looked like he could collapse at any moment, and Stanley.
Ford frowned at his brother, confused by his grim expression that seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable by the second. But he put it down to a mixture of dislike for romantic ceremonies and concern for Soos so returned his attention to the speech as it drew to an end.
"And now, we have all come together to merge two families into one and mark this as a significant day in the lives of all those here today," the priest finished, gesturing to the audience with a smile. "But I must ask if there is anyone present who knows of any reason why the couple should not be married."
The priest gave the obligatory pause and scanned the church as it was filled with rustling of people looking around. "Excellent. In that case-"
"I, uh, I have something to say," Stanley said, raising his hand and swallowing loudly.
"I kill you!" Abuelita declared over the shocked gasps, as Soos gave a groan and clutched his chest until Melody took his hand away again, giving him a reassuring smile and the only one not alarmed by Stan's actions.
"Relax, relax!" Stan called over the growing murmurs and outrage, motioning for people to sit back down even as Abuelita wrestled with his twin in the hope he brought his laser pistol. "It ain't like that! I have no objections, zero! I only wanted - the kid deserves to hear this, alright?"
Something about the way he said it was enough to make even Abuelita stop trying to steal a weapon that wasn't there, much to the relief of Ford and Phil, who had rushed to intervene.
"Technically this should have been saved for the best man speech but we don't know how long the truth serum will last," Stan explained. "And Melody thought I might chicken out without it so we had a little wager. Don't let the smile fool you, she's one mean poker player."
This earned a few polite laughs from Melody's side, even if they didn't understand the truth serum joke. Not many, but enough to ease the tension a little.
Stan hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt all eyes on him, for once not comfortable with a crowd. "Soos first started working for me when he was only twelve. And at first I didn't give him a second thought. Cheap labour. Thought I'd get my money's worth out of him for a week, maybe a month, and then he'd quit and I'd replace him with the next schmuck dumb or desperate enough to work for a guy like me."
"Wish I could argue," Wendy grunted.
"But the kid kept coming back, despite everything I made him do," Stan continued. "In fact, he actually spent some of his free time looking up stuff that made him better at his job so he could help out with more. So I started to talk to him a little, find out why he'd waste his time with a miserable old fraud like me.
"It took me a while to realise it but eventually I saw that he was exactly what he appeared to be: a good, honest kid who just wanted to do his best and make people happy. Heh. For a cynic who lied every time he introduced himself, that was pretty hard to get my head around.
"Anyway, he never quit, not even when any sane person probably should have. Ten years that kid worked for me, barely any complaints or nothin' and anyone who's worked with me can tell you just how much there is to complain about."
"Yes," said Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel.
Stan ignored them and the chuckles that earned. "And over those years, I got to know him more and more. Saw him grow from a good kid into a better man, someone who kept going despite how harsh the world could be, and who never lost his good nature, despite spending every day with a lying cheat. Made me - made me think back on what I'd done with my life. Most of all it made me glad to know there were still good people who stayed strong and kind no matter what."
Stan turned away from the guests to face the groom, Soos staring at him with eyes as wet as they were round. "I, uh, I'm proud of you, Soos," Stan grudgingly told him. Then he took a deep breath and decided to go even further. "You're like the son I never wanted."
Soos gasped and leapt at his adoptive father-figure, gathering him up in a bear hug so tight the entire church heard the crack of the old man's back over the applause.
"OW! Put me down, you idiot!" Stan yelled, managing to pull a hand free to slam a fist on Soos' back. "I'm proud of you! I don't hate this as much as I want you to think! DANG IT! Stop laughing! I'm proud of all of you!" he shouted at his family, his face reddening as his intended insults were replaced with honesty. "Especially you for making me do this!" he added, shaking his fist at the bride. "You're a great catch and I hope you're happy together!"
Melody smiled and gave him a little wave back before glancing at the priest. "Sorry. Guess this is a little unusual, huh?"
"Not even in my top ten," he responded, watching the embrace with some amusement.
"I can believe that," she said, looking over her friends and family who appeared confused but happy. "Think some people might have some questions afterwards, though."
"Deal with that when the time comes," he advised her as Soos finally put Stan down, wiping at his face as the older man rolled his eyes and patted his shoulder hesitantly, keeping his mouth firmly shut. "Enjoy yourself for now and leave the rest till tomorrow. Ah, are we okay to exchange the vows?" he asked as the men shambled over, Soos still with tears in his eyes. "Excellent. Whenever you're ready."
Soos nodded and sniffed as he pulled a worn piece of paper out of his pocket, taking several deep breaths to steady himself after the emotional shock of Stan's speech. He looked at Melody, grateful beyond words for what she'd done for him and feeling his heart hammer his ribs again at the sight of her smile. "Woof, it's hot," he gasped, swallowing dryly as the sweat gathered on his forehead until he wiped it with the paper. "Okay, let's see what I - oh," he said, staring in horror at the now smudged words he'd spent so long writing. "Oh, I really Soos'd up my wedding."
"Good thing we have a backup," Dipper, sighed, pulling a neatly folded paper out of his own pocket.
Soos squinted at the sodden vows, trying to make out the words or at least remember what he'd written. "Uh, Melody, I, uh, really like you. And stuff. You have eyes. Two eyes! Which is better than one. N-no offense Susan. Wait, she's at work. Um..."
"Video games," the priest whispered out of the corner of his mouth as Dipper reached a hand behind his ear and handed something to Reggie.
Soos gave him a look. "Not now, dude. I'm getting married, we can go to the arcade later."
"Here you go cuz," Reggie said, leaning past Stan and putting something in his ear. "Listen to this."
"You ready, Soos? Repeat after me," he heard Dipper say from the tiny device.
Soos frowned, concentrating on the words and couldn't help thinking they sounded oddly familiar.
"Melody, you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And I live in a town of magic and wonder and awesome, awesome dudes and dudettes, so that's saying a lot. For years, I dreamed of finding a girl like those in the movies, video games, or anime. But then I met you and none of those girls seem special anymore. Not even the really special ones.
"Because you are prettier than any comic heroine, funnier than any anime, and braver than any video game heroine. When I was looking up words in the dictionary to describe you, I couldn't find any. I tried beautiful, kind, amazing, and none of them did you justice. Not even leopards. That's how incredible you are: you are more than leopards. Even robot ones.
"I love you Melody, but even love doesn't seem enough to describe how I feel about you. So I'm going to try to show it every day. And I'll never stop."
Melody took a sharp breath, her lips trembling as she nodded rapidly, Mabel sniffing tearfully as Melody's sister and mother dabbed at their eyes, not even close to the only ones. "Soos. That was beautiful. That was better than anything I could have imagined."
Soos nodded. "She's right. Well done, man."
Melody blinked. "What?"
"What?" Soos said, ignorant to the puzzled looks. "No, don't repeat that. Or that! Dude, we're done! Oh, never mind. Click."
"Ugh, that is so Soos!" Mabel wetly squawked, blowing loudly into a handkerchief as Stan took the earpiece from him, Dipper shaking his head as Wendy covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking.
"Okay, then," said the priest, deciding that this wedding might be worthy of at least his top ten strangest afterall. "That was - yes. Bravo. Now I believe you have something to say?"
"Yes, yes, I do," Melody confirmed. She reached a hand out behind her as Mabel somehow pulled a small box out from somewhere in her dress and slapped it in her hand.
This time, people from both sides of the aisle reacted with confusion as the bride opened it to reveal a mostly eaten box of expensive chocolates. Their confusion only grew when she made a great show of eating one, which for some reason seemed to startle a few of the groom's family, as well as the blonde camera-girl and the boy with the leaflets.
Melody swallowed the delicious treat and took Soos by his hands again. "You're the love of my life, Soos. I don't know what I did to deserve a guy like you but you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I know it'll only get better from now on. You're the sweetest, greatest guy I know, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Let's hurry this up so it's official and I can get some food in me!"
"Riiight," said the priest as the couple smiled at each other adoringly. "So. Now that you have exchanged your vows, we can all see the sheer amount of affection and commitment that these two feel for each other. As such, it is with great pleasure that-"
"Actually, I wasn't kidding about making this quick," Melody said, vibrating on the spot. "Is there an abridged version? I really want to get married and I thought I was okay to wait and cherish every moment but I'm also desperate for a pee, this over-priced dress is a pain to do it in, and I've barely eaten in two days so I could fit into it and really want to hit the buffet."
"Yeah, alright," the priest sighed. "Who am I to question the bride? Got the rings? In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Consider them blessed. Put them on each other's hand. Now, do you, Jesus Alzamirano Ramirez, take this woman to be your wife?"
"Definitely, Dawg!"
"Great. And-"
"Yes."
"-do you-"
"Yes."
"-Melody-"
"Yes!"
"I now pronounce you man and wife," he sighed, giving up. "You may kiss the - ah, there we go," he said, taking a step back as Melody flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around Soos as the whole church got to its feet and applauded, loud enough to drown out even Mabel's happy wails and Stan's honk as he blew his nose.
"Everybody ready?" Melody Ramirez asked as they gathered behind her.
"Just a sec!" Mabel called. "Wendy! get in here!"
"Nope, I'm good, thanks," the redhead responded, raising a can of Pitt Cola. "My height gives me an advantage, it'd be unfair to you smaller girls."
"You're just saying that because you think this is an outdated tradition that encourages young girls to marry, setting up too high standards for romantic relationships!"
"That too," Wendy agreed, taking a sip.
"Boo!" Grenda cried, her hands cupping her mouth.
"Embrace your inner girliness!" Candy urged her.
"Oh, leave her alone," Pacifica said. "If she doesn't want to, we shouldn't make her. Besides, it improves the chances for us shorties."
"Can we please get this over with?" Tambry grunted, not looking up from her phone. "Sooner this is done, sooner I dance with my boyfriend."
Mabel rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let 'er rip!"
"Good luck girls!" Melody declared before throwing the bouquet behind her.
"Girls," Dipper sighed, shaking his head as the flowers went high in the air, his sister and her friends erupting in a melee that scared off all other competitors.
"Tell me about it," Wendy agreed, watching with amusement. "Get her, Mabes, use those braces!"
Grenda reached out, Candy on her shoulder, vainly trying to pull her down while stretching as far as she could, Mabel and Pacifica pushing at the other's faces and walking backwards as they followed the arc.
Tambry took an annoyed step back when they fell at her feet, rolling her eyes at the immaturity of it all. Then the flowers landed in the crook of her arm, surprising her so much she actually dropped her phone to catch them.
"Awww!" the younger girls groaned together in disappointment.
"My incredible matchmaking skills have come back to haunt me," Mabel lamented as Pacifica tried to push her off.
Tambry blinked down at the bouquet as if not registering what they were. Then she glanced up and saw Robbie at the side, looking very nervous as Lee and Nate pointed and laughed at him as Thompson clapped him on the back.
"Well, I'll be," Wendy said, raising her eyebrows as her oldest friend blushed. "Maybe there is something to it after all." Her head popped up as the music started, Soos and Melody leading the first dance. "Come on man, that's our cue," she said, finishing her drink and getting to her feet.
"W-wait, now?" Dipper asked incredulously, looking at the couples that were gathering at the edges of the dancefloor, giving the newlyweds a few polite moments to themselves before joining.
Wendy raised an eyebrow at his hesitation. "Sure. Why, don't you like the song?"
"No it's not that, it's - this is a slow song! It's all couples out there! Wouldn't you rather dance with someone else? And dance with me for something casual instead?"
Wendy put her hands on her knees, bending down so they were almost eye-level. "No. 'Cause you asked me first, I want to, this is a good song, I don't care who's watching us, and I never said I'd only dance with you once so if you want to do it to a more casual song, you can ask me again. Got it?"
"G-Got it," Dipper said, turning red and looking at his feet.
"Smart guy," she said, tapping his temple. "Now turn that big brain off for once so you can quit over-thinking things and enjoy yourself for one day," she added, taking him by the hand and pulling him towards the music.
Pacifica gave a resigned breath as she watched them join the other dancers, the sight dampening her spirits despite the happy occasion.
"You alright?" Gideon asked her quietly.
"Yeah," she decided after a moment. "I should stop trying to come between them. If I don't I'll end up pushing him away. Besides, they're good friends and that should never change, whatever happens between him and me."
"Wise words," Gideon said with a nod. "Sounds like you're growing up a little."
"I guess. What about you? Are you going to ask Mabel to dance?"
Gideon hesitated. "Maybe the next one," he mumbled, looking to the side.
She followed his gaze and saw Mabel at one of the tables, carrying a plate stacked with food while talking to a boy about a year older, one she recognised from Melody's side.
She put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on," she said, leading him away. "We don't need to see this."
"And then the umpire goes - but I thought this was the ninth inning!" Stan threw back his head and laughed loudly at his own joke, grinning expectantly at his audience.
Phil and Marius stared back blankly.
"What the hell is an inning?" Phil demanded.
"I was confused by that, also," Marius quickly added. "Also, on what is an umpire."
"Or a batter. Or grounder. Come to think of it, I could make a list on terms you used that I didn't understand."
"Ja, very confusing and complicated. Know any Tennis jokes? Preferably funny ones?"
Stan stared back at them, incredulous. "What? Are you guys kidding me? I spent the last ten minutes setting up that punchline!"
"Yes, we are aware," Marius said with a frown.
"Baseball isn't popular in Europe, Stanley," Pacifica told him, entering the conversation as Gideon considered the food. "And Phil told me most present-day sports won't survive to the future."
"What, the future doesn't have baseball?" Stan shook his head in dismay. "No wonder you never got my joke if it's that bleak."
"Oder vielleicht war es einfach nicht lustig," Marius said under his breath, surprised when Pacifica let out a giggle. "Du sprichst Deutsch?"
Pacifica shrugged. "Deutscher Großvater."
"No idea what you said, but why am I not surprised that a Northwest knows German?" Stan grunted.
"Beleidigen Sie nicht meine Abstammung, Stanley!" Pacifica growled, holding up a warning finger.
"Alright, alright, yeesh!" Stan said with a roll of his eyes, still having no clue what she said but received enough threats in his life to recognise one in almost any language. "Alright, no baseball. Fine. What about football? You've got to have that at least?"
"Oh, aye," Phil said, nodding. "Will still be as popular then as it is now."
"That's a relief," said Stan. "Glad the future ain't too messed up!"
"I think Phil's talking about soccer, Stanley," Pacifica said, watching with amusement as the older man let out a groan.
Stan shook his head. "Dipper and Mabel told me about the future. The fascist police-state, ruined cities and instant executions I could handle, but now you're telling me you don't even have proper football? Glad I'll be dead long before that happens."
"It's not all terrible," Phil said with a frown. "Aye, life's tough and the class-system is unfair but that's not much different from how things are now. It's a lot better in some ways. Sexism, racism, homophobia, religious bigotry, nationalism - they're practically non-existent when I come from and our health and education system is -"
"Ugh, who cares about that crap?" Stan said, dismissing his argument. "What's the point of humanity surviving that long if there's no sport to keep you entertained?"
"We have plenty of sports!" Phil snapped. "There's still old stuff like football (or soccer, as you call it), martial arts tournaments, etcetera. We have plenty of our own, too. There's Globnar, of course, but we've also got deathball, murderball -"
"What's the difference between deathball and murderball?"
"One has more deaths but the other's more murderous. Also the weapons they're allowed and how points are scored."
"Alright, those two do sound fun," Stan admitted, grudgingly. "But football - proper football - is still the top dog as far as I'm concerned. Ain't nothing like seeing a man snatch a ball and go charging to the goals while his opponents try to drag him down!"
"A bit like rugby, ja?"
"What's rugby?"
"I am not an expert at your American football," Marius admitted. "But from what I have seen, they look similar enough that I would almost describe it as American Football without the helmet and armour, perhaps?"
"Football without the armour," Stan repeated, considering that. "Tell me more…"
Gideon held an empty plate, unsure what to have. It all looked appetising but for once he didn't feel like eating. He thought about the best way to approach Mabel. Casually perhaps? He felt more inclined towards grand gestures and flattery, but that had been his motive last summer, forcing her to agree to their dates to spare his feelings or public embarrassment. He didn't want to remind her of that.
He was still thinking when she appeared behind him, holding her paper plate of food. "Hi Gideon," she said, making him jump. "Listen, I know this seems sudden but I really like this song, and I was wondering if you'd-"
"I'd love to!" he announced immediately, feeling as if all his dreams had come true.
"Great, thanks!" she cried, shoving her plate into his hands and hiking up the skirt of her dress. "You're a star, Gideon!" she called over her shoulder as she took the boy she'd spoken to earlier by the elbow and pulled him towards the dancefloor.
Gideon let out a whimper, looking from the food to her as his soul withered inside him.
"Oh, my God, Mabel!" Pacifica breathed, having seen the whole thing. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "And I thought I could be insensitive. Geez."
She pushed past Phil and Stan to reach him, the poor boy staring forlornly at his heart's desire dancing with someone else.
She scratched her chin, trying to think of what she could say to relieve his pain. Then she caught sight of Dipper dancing surprisingly well with Wendy, one hand in hers and the other on her hip.
She let out a small sigh and nudged him with her elbow. "Hey."
"Oh, uh, hey," he said, looking embarrassed that someone had caught him staring. "I, uh, I was just-"
"It's okay," she told him, patting his shoulder. "I get it. I really get it."
He gave her a small smile. "I guess you do," he said, shifting his eyeline towards Dipper and Wendy.
They stood there for a moment, watching either their own love interest or their friend's dancing with someone else, glad there was a person beside them who knew how that felt.
"Alright, that's it," Pacifica suddenly declared, snatching Mabel's plate from his grasp. "Here, make yourself useful and guard this," she instructed a confused Phil as he passed. "Or don't and eat it yourself, I don't care anymore."
She turned back to a startled Gideon and surprised him further by taking his hand and dragging him towards the dancefloor. "Come on, I still owe you a dance for that rose, don't I?"
He looked at her quizzically for a moment before recalling the night the twins had returned to Gravity Falls, the discussion they'd had just before Candy's father had driven her home. "Oh, that. Uh, that was just for that party. You don't have to if you don't want to."
She stopped and looked at him, remembering advice her mother had given only a few days ago "You're right," she agreed, "I don't." She took his hands, putting one on her waist as she guided him in time with the music. "C'mon, we don't need them to have a good time. Let's show them what they're missing."
He blinked, never having a girl actually want to dance with him before. He'd still rather he was doing this with Mabel. But, as Pacifica hummed and moved in time to the song, he decided that having someone who cared about him enough to spend time with him like this was still pretty good, even if she was only a friend.
So, together, they let their disappointment and jealousy fade and managed to enjoy the moment.
"Okay, that, uh, that was good," Dipper said, clearing his throat and breaking contact as the song ended. "Uh, I enjoyed it, anyway."
"Me too," Wendy told him with a smile. "Hey, relax, man. I'm glad you asked me. And you've gotten way better than that night you made your clones."
"Mom gave me a few lessons," Dipper said, turning red at the forced confession. "I, uh, I asked her because I knew I was terrible last time and I didn't want to embarrass myself like that again."
"Eh, it was funny but I've seen way worse dancers," Wendy shrugged. "If everybody was a good dancer, dances wouldn't be half as fun. But I'm glad you asked your Mom for lessons if you're this much better. Want to go again?"
"Um...no," Dipper decided at last as another song started, blushing at her offer and happy that she hadn't made fun of him. "I think...I think I'll ask Pacifica now. Um, maybe later? I-if you want?"
"I'd like that," she told him, punching his arm. "You enjoy your dance with Pacifica."
"I think I will." He smirked. "Hey, since you like Sev'ral Timez so much, maybe I should get the DJ to play one of their songs for us when I ask you later?"
"Cannot believe Wendy Two told you that!" Wendy groaned. "I owe that clone big time for letting Tambry record her." She hesitated before leaning forward and whispering in his ear. "Cray Cray is their best song."
"Wow, you have bad taste!" he laughed, but he mimed zipping his lips to let her know the semi-secret was safe.
She returned the gesture and made her way to join her friends, leaving Dipper to feel strangely sad yet relieved to see her go. He looked around, trying to spot a familiar blonde and was surprised to see her with Gideon, the pair laughing together.
He swallowed as he gathered his courage and approached them. "H-hey," he said, feeling almost like an intruder. "Uh, Pacifica, I was wondering if, not that you have to, but, uh, do you want to dance? With me?"
"Oh!" she said, turning red and glancing at Gideon. "Um, actually we were about to-"
"It's fine," Gideon promised, smiling at her. "You older folks enjoy yourselves and I'll get out of your hair." He elbowed Pacifca gently. "Thanks for the dance. Maybe another if you're free later?"
"I'd like that," she agreed with an amused grin. Then she frowned, catching something out of the corner of her eye. "Hold on. Both of you stay right where you are. I'll be one second back," she told them, disappearing into the crowd.
The boys looked at each other, the first time they'd been alone together all summer.
"Seems to be a lot of slow songs," Dipper noted, not sure what else to talk about.
"It's a wedding, I think it's to fit the theme."
"Yeah. Makes sense."
They fell into awkward silence, Dipper struggling to think of another topic until Gideon cleared his throat.
"Uh, listen, Dipper...I get that you - you don't think I'm worthy of Mabel. And I can't really argue," he added, seeing the older boy's frown. "But I do aim to do right by her and hopefully one day -"
"It's cool, man," Dipper interrupted. "I get liking someone when everyone else keeps telling you it'll never happen. And how hard it is to stop wanting it - even if you know they're probably right.
But can I give you some advice, talking as someone who's been there and still is? Quit trying so hard to make it work. Instead, be her friend. Nothing else. You'll get closer and maybe it'll turn into something more or it won't. Either way, it's a lot better than pining over her for ages and getting nowhere."
Gideon considered this. "I guess you do have some experience in that regard. I'll try to take your advice. But...I don't think it'll be as easy as that."
Dipper laughed. "Easy? Are you kidding me? Heck, fighting monsters has been less stressful than getting over a crush. Cherish the time you spend together but - if she really means that much to you - you'll try to move on. For her sake if not your own."
Gideon hesitated, thinking of everything he'd put Mabel through because of his own desires. Of everything she meant to him. "Yes," he quietly said to himself. "For Mabel."
Pacifica returned before anything else could be said, dragging an indignant Mabel behind her. Without saying a word to any of them, the blonde gave the brunette a hard shove towards Gideon, adding a strong kick to make sure she was sent into his arms.
"There," she said simply, taking one of Dipper's hands and stepping closer. "Now we can dance."
"If you've ripped my dress, I'm making you pay!" Mabel snapped, rubbing her backside tenderly.
"I'll buy you a new one!" Pacifica snarled back before giving Dipper her full attention.
Mabel said something under her breath and frowned at Gideon, who still had a loose hold to make sure she was steady, his eyes wide with hope. "Why the heck not?" she sighed, pulling him close and ignoring his noise of barely contained excitement.
Wendy raised her eyebrows at both dancing pairs. "Those kids can do so much better," she said. But she said it to herself, knowing that neither twin would want to hear it.
She saw Soos to the side, watching the crowd and oddly without Melody, and decided to go check on him.
"Hey, man," she greeted casually. "What's up? Thought you'd still be up there with the missus?"
Soos pointed and she followed the finger to see that Melody was on the dancefloor with Stan, the older man still looking a little sore from their wager, but the woman was bright and beaming.
"Huh," said Wendy, looking around at the other couples. Most of them she didn't know, or only knew half of the pair. But those she did either warmed her heart or brought an amused smile to her lips. Stan and Melody. Dipper and Pacifca. Gideon and Mabel. Ford and Abuelita. Robbie and Tambry. Blubs and Durland. Marius and Grenda. Not all were romantic, less than half, but each was sweet in their own way.
She glanced at Soos, noting that he wasn't smiling like she'd have expected. "You okay, boss?" she asked him quietly.
Soos nodded, looking over the wedding - his wedding - and the people gathered there to celebrate the next step in his life, with the woman he loved.
"Yeah," he softly replied, his eyes falling on his wife, smirking at the closest thing to a father he had. "I just never thought I could be this happy."
Wendy cocked her head to the side. Then she stood on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"You deserve it, man," she told him. "More than anyone I know."
Then she dropped to the balls of her feet and punched him before walking away, whistling happily.
Soos rubbed his arm and returned to watching the dancers, raising his hand when Melody waved at him and Stan gave him a thumbs-up.
"It's true," he whispered. "Anthyding can hadplen."
Author's note: I only speak English so I had to use Google translate for Pacifica and Marius. And we all know how reliable that is! Unfortunately, I'll be using it again for any other non-English dialogue I may have in the future. Mono-linguistic beggars can't be choosers.
Anywho, have a good Xmas, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, or whatever you want to celebrate in case I don't update before whenever they take place. Stay safe and don't eat yellow snow. Or white snow, come to think of it.
Next chapter's the season finale. About. Friggin'. TIME!
