8.
Suit
The bangs on her door are as strong as she's ever heard, and her heart is pounding synchronously with them. Who can ever come over this late at night? Only one person. But they're on such bad terms there is no way in hell he'll be the one behind her door. Ever since she left his desk, ever since she said no to his face, she hasn't heard from him. The last thing she ever told him is if she ever happens to leave Louis, she will never even consider going back. A little pang of guilt envelops her heart and she tucks it away with the next batch of knocks.
"Harvey-" she says, very surprised, once she indeed sees his face in front of her. But before she could ever question why he's here, she notices the dark circles around his eyes, the paleness of his face, but most of all his heavy breathing, and she's got the impression that he may got here running.
She wants to reach out to him, out of instinct, but she thinks better of it. Her eyes are wide from shock and her mouth is half open,
"What's going on?"
"Donna..." he shakes his head slightly, and she sees the surrender in his tired eyes.
"I'm sorry…" his pants are slowly building, and he seems exhausted. She doesn't know if it's physical or emotional but she can clearly see he hasn't been having enough sleep, or any at all.
"What-"
"For everything"
She can see he's trying to say something here, but he's not able to properly arrange his words. She sees that his hands are shaking, and how his gaze is lost somewhere around her face, but never settling on her eyes.
"What's wrong Harvey? Are you okay?" she doesn't care about his fazed excuse, only worrying about him, and he sure as hell isn't looking good right now. Bad habits die hard.
She reaches for his elbow to pull him inside. She's about to start questioning him again, too worried about his state but he cuts her.
"Donna, I'm sorry," he's lost and she swears to herself she has never seen him this way, not even when his dad died.
"It's fine Ha-"
"No, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you. I-" he chokes on his words, and she doesn't know what to do, what to say to make him feel better. She remembers Mike mentioning he's had a panic attack once, but she never thought it was chronic and she never thought it was this bad. He's not able to breathe anymore, barely letting in oxygen to his lungs, and before she can think about it, she reaches for him, hands around his shoulders and reminding him how to breathe.
"In and out, Harvey. Just follow me," she inhales a big gulp of air before exhaling loudly, telling him to mimic her gestures. After a few minutes, he seems to gain composure, his pantings are slowing down.
Relieved, she looks at him and her heart cracks. This man that she loves is crumbling in front of her, and she's all to blame. She looks at him, with his eyes never leaving the ground, and he looks tormented, shy even, like he doesn't know what to do. She wants to hold him tight, just tell him that she'll get back and finally make him feel better. She feels her resolve shattering, thinking about doing just that while her reason is fighting her. But before she can decide on anything, she feels his hands making their way under her arms and circling around her middle. Before she knows it, she finds herself holding him, with her arms around his neck and his face buried in her chest. It's like a motherly hug and she feels him so little against her.
"I just missed you so much," he mumbles and she slides her fingers between his soft hair, but can't say a thing because it's too much. She stays like that for a few minutes, letting her comfort seep into his flesh and around his heart, and giving herself the chance to take whatever she can. And then, she guides his head backwards a bit, to take a proper look at him and she finds his eyes red with unshed tears, jaw clenching and unclenching and she wonders why do they have to suffer like this while one can so easily reach the other.
So she kisses him. She grabs him by the lapels of his suit, and captures his lips with hers, and it's so hungry and out of the blue she feels Harvey groaning in her mouth.
They do it against the hallway wall. It's frenzied and messy but it's also lovemaking, because she felt Harvey licking the words "I love you" all over her body just like he felt her love pouring out through her tongue. And she doesn't know what they will do with this, but as she lays awake next to a finally dozed off Harvey, she knows they need each other to just be okay.
